Chapter 5: The Pragmatic Dogma of Patriotism
Reiner refused to admit aloud he actually didn't remember much from the attack on Colmar. Trying to recall the memories felt like a slideshow projected on a dirty wall. Disconnected scenes of running through an already half destroyed city, witnessing vague atrocities. He certainly remembered thinking it looked like the colossal had already been dropped on Colmar. He didn't know what happened between the slides, presumably a lot of running. Nor could he see anything past the narrow scope of the lens, and even that was blurred by the poor quality. It didn't even feel real, but he had the scars to prove it was. It was something he didn't think about often, and both he and his mom agreed it was best for everyone to keep the scars hidden from the public. Even at home he was told to cover up, but he was fine not having to look at them- happy, even.
The worst part was whenever Reiner felt the need to scratch at his arms if he felt stressed, as he would easily tear through the tender flesh. When his doctor noticed it, he asked Reiner a bunch of weird questions about "feelings of hopelessness" and "are you motivated to keep training?". After that he looked the boy straight in the eye and told him, "Look, the destruction of government property is a very serious offence, and if this continues I'll have to give you an Article 9, section 18. I don't want to have to do all that paperwork, so just cut it out." It took Reiner an embarrassing amount of time to figure out that the property he was destroying was himself. With the help of his mom, he got into the habit of knitting whenever it felt like he needed something to do with his hands- it also helped with his hand-eye coordination.
After Reiner and Bertolt spent a month in Marley recovering, the other cadets finally came back home. The two were at the gates with the other family members to greet them, Bertolt was finally out of the wheelchair and able to move around freely. Both had most of their bandages off as well, revealing pink and gnarled scars across their backs and hands. Reiner had to massage lotion into his hands every morning just to be able to move them properly, but that didn't stop the near chronic pain after they stopped renewing their pain medication prescription. Sometimes Bertolt thought it would never go away, but then Reiner would say when they became shifters all the pain would stop, and everything was just a bit more bearable.
When the gates opened and the weary soldiers came in for tearful reunions, the two stood to the side and looked out for their friends. They made eye contact with Marcel first, who grinned and called to them before running over.
"You're okay!" He called, "How have you been? Haven't missed me too much, right?"
"You?" Reiner laughed with palpable relief, "That's the only good thing about this." He glanced behind Marcel to where the other cadets were, who had just taken notice of them. Peick, Annie, Zeke… He squinted at the crowd, and sighed in relief when he saw the back of Porco's head.
Seconds after spotting them, Pieck ran up to the pair with tears in the corner of her eyes, bowling both of them over in a tight hug that vaguely resembled a head lock. "Thank god you're okay, I thought for sure you were...but you're okay now."
"Pieck…" Betrolt whimpered slightly, "Please let go of us, this kinda hurts." On the other side of her, Reiner nodded in agreement.
"Oh, right." She pulled away from them just as the others joined them.
Annie glanced at them, "I'm glad you're not dead." She left before Bertolt could even stutter out an embarrassed response. Reiner glanced at Bertolt's reaction and wrinkled his nose in distaste, why did Annie always have to be so mean to Bertolt? She knows he's sensitive, and she somehow always knew how to make him embarrassed and sweaty.
Porco didn't have much to say, he just stood next to his brother with a scowl on his face. Zeke had his signature kind smile that never seemed to reach his eyes as he idaly observed the boys' condition. "You're very lucky, the way you two looked when they dragged you back I was sure you would die on the ship ride back. Maybe you're worth something anyway, lets hope you don't waste the rest of your life."
A tense silence fell over the group at Zeke's warning. Marcel tugged on Porco's sleeve, "Well, we better go meet our parents. Let's get together soon sometime before we're deployed again." He waved. Zeke left soon afterwards as well, but with no token promise to get together.
Pieck shuffled nervously on her feet, "I have to go too and check with my dad- but we can have lunch together. Actually, you can have lunch with us if you want and we can catch up."
Reiner grinned, "Sure! My mom has to work today till three, so now I won't have to buy lunch." One of the hardest things about recovering was being left alone at home for hours a day while his mom worked; he used to always be able to join her or have training. Even then his mom wouldn't want him to stay home alone, but maybe she thought he could defend himself now. The crushing boredom and loneliness had made Reiner desperate enough to try to read all the books in the house. He wasn't able to get through the ones in his mom's room, Reiner acknowledged that some things were just not meant for his young, innocent eyes.
"Yeah, sounds like fun!" Bertolt smiled, happy for any excuse to get out of his home for a while. It was okay while his dad was in the shop all day and he could just spend time with his mom. Lately, it was hard to even spend time with her when she couldn't look at his scars and not be brought to tears. He couldn't stand the thought of making his mom sad.
Pieck lived close to Reiner on the south side of Liberio, a place Bertolt's mom had always told him to stay away from- the closest he's ever gotten was the business district. Still, it wasn't nearly as dangerous as the jungles of Mantega. That didn't stop all three of them from jumping at any noise. On the way there, Pieck grabbed a newspaper as they walked through the business district and stuffed it in her bag.
She lived in a small, two bedroom apartment with cheap rent that they still had issues making. Her father Alphonse "Al" Finger had respiratory issues from a youth of supporting his family by working in suffocating coal mines. He was fired two years ago when he collapsed on his way underground and couldn't move anymore, he was sent home and hasn't been able to work since. Mr. Finger wasn't happy to see his little girl turn into a soldier and put her life on the line, but if they couldn't make rent and he was sent to a work camp in the colonies she would be much worse off. He couldn't stand the horror stories of what desperate young ladies had to do to survive. Life was a series of cost benefits analysis, and in this situation the short term benefits outweigh the long term costs. That's what he told himself, anyway. Because he knew his daughter was a survivor, and she would be back from the war in just a few hours safe and sound.
There was a knock on the door, and Al got up slowly to open it. Nowadays, people knocking at his door never meant good news. It either ment more debt collectors, the landlord, or worse, the hypothetical Marleyan soldier presenting him with a flag and cold hearted condolences.
But before he got there, it opened by itself, "Papa, I'm home!" Al froze in his steps before running to the door to engulf his daughter in a hug, he was so relieved he didn't even realize two other boys in the hallway.
"Pieck...Your home early." He wheezed through shuddering breaths.
"Mm" She hummed in affirmation, burying her face in his neck and blinked back tears. She sniffed and pulled away, suddenly remembering something important. "Oh, and these are my friends, Reiner and Bert. I told them they could come over for lunch today since they're parents aren't home."
Al smiled, this was the first time he had actually gotten to see any of Pieck's friends even if they were all she could talk about when he asked how training was. Shy and sensitive Bertolt, stubborn and boisterous Porco, friendly and considerate Reiner, cold and sarcastic Annie; it felt like he already knew them.
"Nice to meet you, Alphonse Finger." He held his hand out and Reiner took it first in a firm handshake, Al couldn't ignore the scars on his hands but he chose not to ask.
"Reiner Braun. Nice to meet you, Mr. Finger."
Bertolt took his hand next with similar scars, "Bertolt Hoover, nice to meet you…"
Pieck grinned at the scene, "I'll get started on lunch since I doubt Papa made anything good."
"Hey, that's not fair." He laughed, "I thought I had more time to prepare."
"Did you at least buy groceries like I said? The doctor said you need to eat more leafy greens" Pieck huffed as she looked through the cabinets.
"Yes, yes." He said placatingly, "You're the boss. I guess I got a little lazy without you here to keep me in check." He chuckled. Bertolt and Reiner watched the scene with slight fear, despite the chastiments not even being directed at them, both unconsciously stood straighter. They'd never seen Pieck's drill sergeant side, they only knew her cool but kind side. Bertolt looked at her dad nervously, if he talked to his dad like that he would have been read the riot act. Reiner's mom definitely would have spanked him. Her dad turned to them with an actually kind smile, "Well, get out of the cold and come inside."
Al sat back down at the table, already huffing and puffing at the small effort to run to the door. Bertolt and Reiner went to the counter to help Pieck chop vegetables.
"What are you making?" Bertolt asked
"Just some vegetable soup." Peick answered, getting a large pot from under the counter and heaving it onto the stove.
"Oh!" Bertolt grinned in a rare display of excitement, "My mom has a really good recipe for that. You have everything, so let me show you how she does it." Cooking was one of the few things he and his mom always did together. Even after Colmar, whenever his dad was in the shop dealing with customers or trying to register someone for a hunting permit- something his father would complain about regularly because the government kept changing the requirements- he would still cook dinner with his mom. Bertolt never cooked in front of his dad, because cooking was for girls.
While they waited for the onions to caramelize, which Reiner didn't even know was possible, they sat down at the table. Bertolt and Pieck's dad made sparse conversation when he learned the Hoovers ran the hunting and fishing shop; being into fishing himself. Reiner was wholly uninterested in the topic- and honestly so was Bertolt. He only really liked to talk to adults when there was some interesting gossip. Pieck got the newspaper out of her bag, trying to discreetly look at the horse races section in front of her dad, but froze at the headline.
Reiner glanced at her pale face, and cocked his head to the side in confusion, "What's wrong, Pieck?"
She paused and held up the paper, the front page had the bold headline in all caps next to a black and white photo of a sinking ship. PASSENGER SHIP FIUME SUNK BY VAL CAMUNNI SUBMERSIBLE! 956 DEAD, 94 CHILDREN, 328 WOMEN! NO SURVIVORS!
Bertolt and Reiner gaped, "I-I thought those things were harmless!" Reiner exclaimed in indignation and fear.
Bertolt gestured for the article, "That was on route to Mantega!" He exclaimed, looking through the first sentences.
Alphonse gently took the paper and looked through it, "Those damned Moonies." He cursed, "They just don't know when to stop. At least the War Chief will make them pay." The thought that Pieck could have been one of those children made him hope Marley forces make them scream. The simmering anger even started to make him short of breath.
"It's not good for you to get so worked up, Papa." Pieck frowned.
Al just nodded, "You're right, as always." he sighed, before sitting the paper down and getting up for his inhaler.
The three leaned over the article to read the whole thing. Everybody was mad, and War Chief Werner was calling for something called "total war". "We will not hold back," The quote read, "Just like those Moonie Savages, we will not show any mercy. Any Camunni man, woman, and child on the Mantegan continent won't be safe. This war must end quickly, and to do that we must destroy them completely and swiftly. For the good of the world, these monsters cannot continue their cruel ways." More people than just War Chief Werener were mad too. War bond purchases are up 60%, and enlistment rates among Marleyan men are up 40%. The emperor of Hizuru came out and said he would supply troops for a future land invasion of Val Camonica, but no Marleyan official has commented on it.
"Marley would never work with Hizuru." Reiner huffed when they finished, "They just want to get stuff from us after they sided with King Fritz. Marley would never bow down to an emperor, we crush emperors." The only way Reiner could conceive an alliance was if Hizuru wanted to overthrow their king that chose to side with the evil empire of Eldia.
"I don't think we would ever try to invade Val Camonica in the first place. We want Mantega, not some small peninsular country that's not even a tenth of the size of us." Pieck stated simply, lips pressed into a thin line, "crossing the Occiden is going to be more dangerous now. Are you two even cleared for combat?"
"We're meeting with Commander Magath tomorrow." Reiner clarified, "We'll redo our fitness tests and sort out paperwork then. We'll show him how much we recovered, right Bert?" Reiner grinned, jamming the boy in the ribs. Bertolt laughed and rubbed his ribs carefully, "A few weeks ago that probably would have been unbearable!" Reiner cheared.
Bertolt reached over and clapped Reiner on the back and he barely flinched, "We'll definitely be cleared."
Pieck started blankly at the table, lost in thought, "It really is a miraculous recovery." She affirmed quietly.
The next morning Bertolt and Reiner met at the gates of Liberio to walk to the military base together. Reiner had secretly hoped that maybe the others would be there too to go to training, despite knowing that was a silly thought. Even with Pieck and Porco gone, he still felt a wave of nostalgia as he walked the familiar route with his friend.
As soon as they were checked in at the gate they were taken to the doctor on base that checked their reflexes and pain receptors on the scaring. They stripped down to their underwear and put on their training outfits in unison- some things you just don't forget. The physical was actually startlingly easy, much easier than becoming a Cadet for the first time. They were told to lift certain weights in different positions with the doctor silently marking down their results. After that they had to pace themselves for a three mile jog around a track. Just like that, their papers were signed and they were sent to Magath's office to have them processed.
Reiner knocked on the wooden door and, after they were let in, opened the door for him and Bertolt. Magaths' office was as drab as always, with a sparse desk, a few folding chairs, and grey walls decorated with some military memorabilia. Both of them saluted in front of his desk, holding their papers to their chest.
"Sir!" Reiner reported, "We have completed our physicals and have been cleared for duty in two weeks."
"That's good news" Magath nodded without a hint of actual joy, "Give them here." They both set their papers down in front of him, and he eyed their scared hands as they did so. He sighed deeply, and pulled two wooden boxes out of his desk. Magath stood and presented both with a box. "For bravely serving Marley and getting wounded in the line of combat."
Reiner gasped as he opened his box, the red and gold plated Heart and Cross medal seemed to gleam despite the low lighting.
"Woah…" Bertolt breathed beside him, and Reiner couldn't agree more.
"We get to keep this?" Reiner asked
Magath nodded, "You earned it." He stated simply, "You will store this at home and wear it during special occasions with your dress whites. Now, go home and enjoy your two weeks off, you will return to combat with the others."
Reiner moved to leave but paused, "Do you know what happened to my gun? Was sh- it brought back?" Intellectually, Reiner knew it was stupid to be uspet about a missing gun- it was just a gun for gods sake. But...that didn't change the fact that he had cleaned, dis and reassembled her, and worked with her for a year. He was actually somewhat confused at how upset the idea of her being left in that awful jungle somewhere made him.
"It was damaged in the blast," Magath explained, "It would have been too expensive to fix, you'll be given a new one before you leave. Cadet Hoover will as well."
With the silent command to leave, they left the room and gently closed the door behind them. Bertolt awkwardly patted his friend's shoulder, "I'm sorry about Marlean."
Reiner winced internally, he was hoping how upset he was wasn't that obvious. Clearly he was wrong, "Thanks Bert, but it's fine."
"Hey, maybe we can hold a little funeral here. Guns are kinda like soldiers too…"
"I said it's fine." Reiner huffed, despite knowing Bertolt would never make fun of him, it still almost felt like he was.
Bertolt withered, "S-sorry…"
Reiner sighed, immediately feeling bad, "No, it was a good idea. Maybe we can get the others to meet here and get lunch after or something."
It was decided the memorial would be hosted in the middle of the week when the Cadets wouldn't miss time with their parents to attend. In reality, Reiner had specifically told only Pieck because he didn't want the others there to make fun of his over-sentimentality. After the deer incident during boot camp he was already designated the cry baby of the group, mainly by Annie's obsession for bringing it up whenever she could, despite Bertolt crying way more than Reiner ever has. It wasn't Reiner's fault, it was just harder for him to blend into the background! People didn't need to rub it in.
Pieck knew all of this, but still decided to tell Marcel, who told Porco, who told Annie because why pass up a chance to potentially see another Annie v Reiner verbal smackdown? According to Porco, there was no justifiable reason.
"Why?" Reiner hissed at the gates, pulling Pieck aside.
Pieck smiled accommodatingly, "Marcel really likes this type of sentimental thing, remember how emotional he got after the graduation ceremony? He was crying like a baby." Which was true, and Reiner noted with some bitterness that no one commented on that. He assumed it was because people actually respected Marcel, that was just the type of person he was.
"You should have known he would tell Porco." Reiner shot back.
"Don't worry, I don't think even Porco would be disrespectful at a funeral service." Pieck reasoned, and Reiner wasn't sure if he should tell her it wasn't actually a funeral. He wasn't entirely sure he explained it right to Pieck, because she was wearing the shirt he had mended and a clean black skirt and Marcel had his church clothes on. Meanwhile, Reiner just was dressed in his normal clothes; Bertolt seemed to have made a token effort to dress up with a shirt vest; Annie was in still-sweaty training clothes; and Porco had on a dress shirt with cargo shorts and an undone tie- Reiner assumed that was the best Marcel could pressure him to wear.
The mismatched group walked outside the interment zone and to the army base, making light small talk. When they got to the base, Marcel led them to a secluded part of the court yard. Pieck reached into her bag and took out a few, half burned prayer candles, "I got these from church, so they're extra holy." She explained with a smile.
"Did you steal them?" Porco asked, eyeing the burned wicks.
"No," She answered quickly, "They were just sitting there, no one was using them."
"That's the point! People light those when they pray."
Pieck shrugged, "Good, let's pray for something nice then." She bent down and laid the six candles on the ground and pulled out a matchbook. She lit one and passed the book to Reiner, who lit another one and so on.
When they were done, the six stood back and watched the flames flicker. "Now what?" Annie asked in a broad tone.
Bertolt turned to Reiner, "Do you want to say something…?"
Reiner shifted on his feet uncomfortably, face flushing a deep crimson, "Uh… Marleen was a great gun... Her scope was very straight...and she saved my life in Colmar. I think it's a shame she was broken, but at least she wasn't left somewhere on Mantega and forgotten. I wished I could have at least tried to fix her." Reiner finished quietly, hoping no one noticed his voice crack on the last line. This was so stupid.
Bertolt nodded, "I, uh, I'll miss Daisy a lot. I'll never forget how…" How he left her, and didn't think twice before leaving everybody else behind too. How despite apparently being the best shot, he was worthless if he dropped his gun as soon as danger arrived, "Yeah. They probably never found her, so I hope she at least got a quick death in the explosion."
"Yeah…" Reiner agreed slowly, thinking about what people do at funerals, "Uh, Amen. Now, let's pray."
"For what?" Annie asked again
"I don't know!" Reiner snapped, "Whatever you want."
Annie sighed at the response, whispering a quiet, "fine, Raina..", but she still followed everyone's lead as they clasped their hands together and closed their eyes. She couldn't help but feel this whole thing was beneath her, sitting around and thinking about how you want change doesn't do shit. Purposefully, she kept her mind as blank as possible.
In the silence, everybody wondered what they should pray for. Pieck prayed that next time she was on a ship to Mantega, it wouldn't be shot down by submersibles so that she could always return home to her father. Bertolt prayed he wouldn't be such a coward next time, and that no one would ever get hurt because he wasn't able to act in time. Reiner hoped that he was still able to become a warrior after such a horrible failure, and to at least make his mother proud. Porco really did try to ask for something selfless or good, but in the end all he wanted was to prove himself to his family- that he was just as good as Marcel.
For his part, Marcel couldn't stop himself from thinking about his dead comrades he never got to have a funeral for- even a modest one like this. That thought made all the emotions from losing his comrades he carefully buried under work come rushing back. Cole and Adriana were treated just like their guns, left alone on Mantega and could never come home. He wondered how long before it was decided the cadets were obsolete and cheaper to just discard. If Porco was next, is there anything Marcel could do to save him? Would he have to watch as his little brother was broken and left to rot in a strange place?
"Agh, this is so stupid!" Porco groaned after an extended moment of silence. "Right, Marcel-?" He turned and froze when he saw his brother with tears streaming down his face while his whole body shook with suppressed sobbs. Disturbed, Porco quickly turned away and muttered, "whatever...".
Everybody stood silently, unwilling to acknowledge what was happening beside them. Marcel was crying, and it wasn't the emotional, slight tearing up like at the graduation ceremony. It was full-on sobbing, and they could only speculate what that meant.
Reiner cleared his throat and turned away, "I just have to use the restroom real quick." he said, gesturing over his shoulder with a thumb towards the buildings. When no one responded, he hurried into the base and away from the scene. When the door was closed behind him, he heaved a sigh of relief and ran and hand through his hair.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Reiner took his time walking through the halls to the restroom. Without the cadets to train and most of the soldiers in Mantega, the base was almost entirely empty. One of two mixed race military bases and this one specifically for warriors and cadets, it was mainly used for administrative purposes when there were no cadets to train. Next year, there will be more cadets and possibly even more competition for warrior status. He would probably have the advantage of being older, but that wasn't a guarantee, especially if he was crippled. He'd have to work extra hard to prove himself now. Reiner paused when he noticed a person round the corner in front of him: Commander Magath.
"Cadet Braun." Commander Magath greeted when he paused in front of Reiner.
Reiner saluted, "Commander Magath, good morning."
"At ease. I was notified the Cadets came to the base, why are you here on your leave?"
"Ah..." Reiner fidgeted, "We were just having a little memorial for the soldiers that died" He lied, completely unwilling to admit the real reason they were there. It was half true at least. "Pieck got some prayer candles, too."
Magath was silent for an uncomfortable moment as he processed the words, as always his expression was completely unreadable. "Make sure you put the candles out before you leave, it's a fire hazard ."
"Yes sir." Reiner agreed easily, waiting to be dismissed.
"One more thing." Magath announced, reaching into his pocket and pulling out two pairs of small, nice leather gloves. He handed them to Reiner, who openly marveled at them, "Wear these with your uniform from now on. Any scars gotten in the line of duty should be covered. Give the other pair to Cadet Hoover." Reiner slipped his pair on, amazed at how perfectly they fit him, and they looked fairly expensive too- probably worth at least one of Reiner's paychecks. Commander Magath must have had to go out of his way to get them.
When Reiner looked back up, Magath had already turned around to head back to his office. He grinned and called, "Thanks, Dad!"
Oh fuck.
Why did he do that? He should have just left it at that, why did he have to thank him? Obviously, because it's the right thing to thank someone when they did something you appreciate, but oh fuck, how could he face Magath again? Frozen in place, Reiner watched the man stop for a microsecond before going on his way like nothing had happened. Maybe he hadn't heard him? Reiner decided to just count his blessings and turned around, all but running in the other direction.
When Magath heard Reiner run down the hall, he allowed himself to stop and scrubbed a hand over his face. He wasn't blind, he knew the Cadets trusted him much more than they probably should, but this was the first time he was confronted so directly with it. When he got to his office, he locked the door behind himself and worked on empting the bottle of whiskey he had been nursing for the past few months. Well, Reiner would probably be dead soon anyway. Magath could ignore the issue until then.
By the time Reiner had made it back to the others, Marcel seemed to have calmed down and was making tentative small talk with the others. When he approached, Annie glanced at him from the corner of her eye.
"Why is your face red?"
Reiner startled, "Ah, nothing!" He answered quickly, unwilling to go into the mortifying story.
"You went to the restroom and now you're acting weird." Annie surmised, "What were you doing?" She pressed.
"Why do you care so much about what I do in the toilet anyway? Weirdo." Reiner huffed, poorly dodging the question.
"Tch, pervert." Annie scoffed.
"What!?"
Marcel laughed loudly at the scene, making both of them stop to look at him weirdly. "Sorry, it's just, Annie, I don't think you have much of a right to call Reiner the pervert in this situation." The others chuckled at the observation, anything to break the tension. Annie just crossed her arms and looked away, turning a bright shade of scarlet. At least things were, in a way, back to normal.
That was the last time the Cadets interacted before they had to leave for Mantega again. After another round of slightly less tearful goodbyes, the Gates of The Liberio Internment Zone were opened and the soldiers were let out. Karina hugged Reiner tightly before he left, the most physical affection she showed him since the incident.
"Remember what I told you," She whispered in his ear, "Make sure you show them that you're worth it. I love you so much, Reiner."
"I love you too, mom." He muttered back, before pulling away and moving towards the front of the group. For some reason, he felt different than the normal anxiety at leaving Marley, something more melancholy. He couldn't put his finger on it, nor was he sure he wanted to.
He met up with Bertolt at the front near Zeke and Magath, who apparently had a shorter goodbye than usual. His dad was the only one who brought him to the gates, because last time had made his mom too hysterical. Last night, while Jurgen finished closing the shop, Lucia held Bertolt before he went to sleep. When his father came back up, she had to leave, but still kissed him again and made him swear up and down he'd stay safe out there. When Jurgen said goodbye that morning, he told him if he came back a full cripple he's on his own.
Zeke was leaning against the wall near the gate, "Hey, Bertolt, Reiner. I never got the full story of Colmar. I heard you would have died if you hadn't protected yourself the way you did. How did you know what to do?"
Reiner glanced hesitantly at Bertolt, "Well, it was just like the rhyme. The air got really hot and tingly, and everything went quiet. It was almost like time slowed down, and then went really fast." He finished, hoping Zeke would understand what he ment.
Zeke only nodded slowly, a thoughtful look on his face, "Interesting."
"Like, bad, interesting?" Bertolt asked.
"No," Zeke shrugged, "Just...interesting."
On the ship to Mantega, the atmosphere from last time was completely different. During their first voyage to the colonies, the sailors were kind and jovial towards them, now the air was tense and dead silent. Sonarmen below deck had their headsets on and their equipment turned off, everybody on the same side of the ship as the room had to stay completely silent. Reiner once got chastised for breathing too loud outside the door.
When Reiner asked- in a whisper- why the equipment turned off, the off-duty Marleyan sonarman said between cigarette puffs: "Sonar is a two way street. We use sound to locate them but they can use that sound to locate us. So, we go back to the basics and listen for Camunni engines ourselves- luckily they're still loud as fuck." The sonarman paused, looking Reiner up and down, "Not many kids find this interesting, if this cadet thing doesn't work out you should join us. God knows they won't replace us anytime soon, they tried on The Fiume and you saw how that worked out." He finished with a breathy laugh- mindful of the sound restrictions.
Reiner smiled hesitantly, "Thanks, but I'm going to become a Warrior and make my mom an honorary Marleyan."
This time the man couldn't contain his laughter, and he threw his head back and cackled wildly, "Ah, to be young and idealistic again." He shook his head fondly, "We lose too many good Eldians like you to that dream. A smart Eldian would become a cadet, wound themselves just enough to avoid active combat, and use the title to get some comfy military job. I recommend the Navy, most we have to do is operate turrets." He exhaled a long puff of smoke, "Say, who are you really doing this for? Yourself or your mom?"
Reiner opened his mouth to answer but couldn't find one right away, for some reason the way he worded it made it sound wrong to answer it was for his mom. Despite the pause, the man patiently waited until he came up with an answer. "I'm doing this because a good Eldian serves his country."
The man only laughed again, this time quieter, "Maybe you do have a future with the higher ups. Already an expert question dodger, it's actually impressive." He put his cigarette out on the ground and walked back towards the sonar room. Reiner spent the rest of his time on board avoiding the sonar room and the man that kept asking hard questions.
On the boat, the worst time of day was the evening chop just after the sun goes down and the wind picks up. Reiner, Bertolt, and Pieck usually spent that time above deck, watching the horizon and trying to swallow their seasickness. While they were usually able to do this undisturbed until the night watch shooed them away, that night Zeke joined them holding a pair of binoculars.
"Looking for Wolf Packs?" He greeted with a smile.
"What do you mean?" Pieck asked from her place on the ground, knees drawn up to her chest to try to protect herself from the cold.
"The men below deck think they found a live one, but it's gone dead silent. Could be a sub, could be a mine, either way they're gonna fire a torpedo at it. Should be a good show." Reiner and Bertolt stood to look over the railing at the ocean with Zeke. Reiner looked excitedly over the inky black waters, he wasn't sure what for, maybe a little periscope or wake in the water, waiting on edge for the explosion.
"This is going to be so cool!" Reiner grinned at Bertolt, who nodded enthusiastically in agreement. He glanced back at Pieck, who was still sitting on the ground with her back to the ship's wall. "Are you sure you don't want to watch?" He asked.
Pieck only shook her head, "No thanks, I'm good." Reiner shrugged and looked back in front of him.
"Oh!" Zeke pointed in the water at something Reiner couldn't see, "That's the Torpedo wake." A millisecond after saying that, an explosion shook the ocean and the night sky was illuminated with fire. Shrapnel from the craft rained back into the ocean, along with human bodies silhouetted against the wreckage. The Cadet's mouths hung open in horror, listening to the collective screams of Camunni sailors that carried on the wind.
"Score!" Zeke cheared, "Fredrick owes me 20 bucks, I knew it was one of those motherfuckers." Reiner glanced up at Zeke's smiling face, the blazing fire of the wreckage illuminated his expression and gave him an unhinged look. Reiner glanced back at the fire, that had spread past the original wreckage on an oil spill. He never thought the ocean could be on fire before. He could hear the screams of men being boiled alive, see their silhouettes try in vain to swim away before the current pulled them under, even from so far away he could swear he felt the heat of the fire.
"Aren't we going to help them?" Reiner asked, still in shock, "They're all gonna drown out there…" If they weren't boiled alive first.
Zeke paused, and looked at Reiner from the corner of his eyes. His face was contorted in pure disgust at the notion, "Did they help the civilians they killed on The Fiume?"
Reiner frowned, "No but, we don't know that it was the same ship…" He glanced at his friends, behind him Pieck had her face in her knees and her ears covered against the screams. Bertolt stared at his feet with wide unseeing eyes, he looked like when Reiner found him alone in the jungle. He hated that look.
Zeke turned towards Reiner slowly, his eyes seemed to bore into Reiner's for a long moment. "Are you…?" Zeke asked slowly, making sure the words really sunk in through Reiner's thick skull, "feeling sympathy for the enemy? Those savages when your people are at stake?"
Reiner's eyes widened in panic as he realized the implications, "No! Never! I would never put another life above a fellow countryman."
Zeke nodded slowly, making a show of mulling his words over. He turned back to the wreckage, "Good. Good people don't feel sympathy for bad people. Bad people feel sympathy for bad people." He glanced back at Reiner, and when he noticed the boy looking away he knelt down and threw an arm over his shoulder- forcing him to face the carnage. "And what are Camunnies?"
Reiner rubbed his scarred hands through the leather gloves Magath gifted him, the phantom pains made his fingers hard to flex. He glared out over the ocean and watched the Moonies burn in agony, "Bad people." he stated with conviction.
"Good!" Zeke chirped and stood fully, stretching his back and yawning, "Welp, night watch is about to start, so why don't you go back downstairs. You can gloat to the others you saw an awesome explosion." He finished with awkwardly ruffling Reiner and Bertholdt hair before retreating deeper into the ship- presumably to collect his money from Fredrick, whoever that was.
With Zeke gone, the three went downstairs to their quarters, a small and narrow room with 5 sets of bunk beds set in the three steel walls. As soon as Reiner wrenched the door open and dead bolted it behind him, as per protocol, Marcel immediately sat up in his bunk bed under Porco.
"We heard an explosion, what happened?" Glancing around the dark room, Reiner could see no one was asleep. Annie sat on her bottom bunk next to the brothers, reading some book by the light of a kerosene lamp. Porco was laying down, but by the way he shifted to listen better when they came in he was obviously still awake.
"They exploded a submersible close to us." Reiner said simply.
"I guess that's why we were put on an all under a whisper order." Annie observed lightly, turning the page on her book.
Marcel sighed in relief, "Good, looks like everything was taken care of. We should all go to sleep now, Zeke will probably be out late again."
Annie heaved an annoyed sigh and turned off the kerosene lamp with an exaggerated eye roll. Pieck wordlessly climbed into the bed above Annie, immediately curling under the covers and pretending to sleep. Reiner got in the bottom bunk of the bed across the way from the others, and Bertolt on his at the end of the room. This room wasn't specifically made for the Cadets, but an auxiliary room for any political officers on board, so three top beds sat empty. There was a time the Cadet corps would take up a room like this and others, but time naturally weeded the unessicarys out.
Last time they were on a ship very similar, Reiner and Bertolt shared a bunk bed with Bertolt on the top- which Reiner graciously allowed since he wasn't scared of heights and would totally sleep on the top bunk if he wanted. This time, on the first night Bertolt thrashed himself right off the top bunk and woke everybody up. Afterwards, an annoyed Zeke made him sleep on a bottom bed; he still managed to occasionally fall out, but it wasn't nearly as traumatic.
"Hey, Reiner?" Bertolt whispered, after a while of not being able to fall asleep.
"What?" Reiner groaned back, eyes still closed. Maybe if he pretended he was asleep he could trick his body into it.
"Why do you think we hate the Camunni's so much? I mean, I get what Zeke said about bad people and all, but I don't know why we have to think they're bad. Does that make sense?"
"No." Reiner stated simply, glancing above his head to where Bertolt was, "We think the Camunni's are bad because they are. That's like saying the Island of Devils is just a name, when it's not."
"Yeah, no, that makes sense." He quickly amended, "I mean, like, what are we fighting for? We have to get on a ship for two weeks just to get to the war front, it just doesn't seem worth it." Bertolt knew that this was a terrible, traitorous thing to say- but he also knew Reiner would never turn him in for it. Reiner was the type of person Bertolt could always turn to when he had doubts because Reiner was very good at saying why people were wrong about things. Almost as good as Magath, and that was something Bertolt admired about him.
"Oh, well that's because we're at war." Reiner shrugged
"But why? Why can't everyone get along?"
Reiner paused and thought about it long and hard, determined to give Bertolt an answer that would help him. "Well, It's like the Tower of Babel." Reiner started, remembering the Sunday sermons given by the Marleyan Priest, "When there was peace, the people banded together to build a tower and go against God's will. So God interfered and created the different languages so no one could understand each other and they started to fight. So there can never be peace, because it goes against God's will. It creates hedonism and sin."
"...I don't remember that story being so sad."
"Maybe someone just told it to you wrong." Reiner reasoned.
"Probably." Bertolt responded quietly, feeling almost empty inside, "So it's pointless then? Conflict will never end?"
"Guess not." Reiner said, yawning. He turned over and faced the wall, "Just be happy you're on the right side."
Reiner tried not to show it, but Bertolt's question really bothered him. It felt like he couldn't give a good enough answer; like it didn't explain enough. When they got back to Narcissus, Reiner first tried to approach Zeke to ask him what he thought. He found him when he was alone, Reiner didn't want anybody knowing he asked someone for the answer.
He found Zeke alone, sitting on a stump on the outskirts of camp reading a book Reiner couldn't see the title of. "Um, Zeke?" He asked hesitantly.
Zeke continued to read his book unfazed, never even sparing Reiner a glance. Maybe he didn't hear him, "Zeke?" He tried more forcefully; still no response.
Reiner stood there for a while, not quite knowing what to do. Slowly, Reiner extended a hand and very gently poked at Zeke's shoulder. He shifted slightly, but still stubbornly read his book.
"Um...Mr. Yaeger?" This time, Zeke closed his book, stood, and walked away. "Never mind, then." He grumbled into the empty space. With nowhere else to turn, he decided to talk to his last resort- Commander Magath. He hadn't actually spoken to the man since the embarrassing incident, the next time he saw the man he had just looked at Reiner blankly before saying nothing. Luckily, he quickly found him as he was exiting the officers hut with a cigar in hand.
"Commander Magath." Reiner asked, "Permission to ask a question?"
Magath only glanced at Reiner, but nonetheless stopped to listen to him, "Permission granted."
"I was wondering why we're fighting with Val Camonica?"
Magath sighed deeply, "Do you want the simple version or the long version?"
Reiner thought about it for a second. Well, Porco was always calling him stupid, "Simple version, please."
"We're fighting because we're at war." Magath said simply.
"But...why are we at war?"
"Because we're fighting."
Reiner needed a second to digest the answer, and the more he thought about it the more he was struck by the infallible simplicity of it. They were at war because they're fighting, and they were fighting because they're at war. It was so simple, he was disappointed he wasn't able to see that perfect reasoning before when Bertolt had asked him.
"That's all?" Magath asked impatiently, snapping Reiner out of his thoughts.
"Ah, yes sir!" He saluted. At that, Magath turned and left, leaving Reiner alone.
The next morning, Reiner had woken up late and missed breakfast entirely. When he met up with Bertolt as the crowd dispersed from the hall, all he had said was that he didn't want to wake him up. "It was the best I've seen you sleep in weeks!" He had exclaimed defensively in the face of his best friend's annoyance.
Reiner sighed, "You too, Pieck?" He asked in dismay, he thought he could at least trust her to look out for him.
She looked sheepishly at her feet, "I figured I could wake you up just before drills."
"And Zeke said anyone who could sleep through reveille deserved to sleep in." Bertolt chimed in.
While they talked, a nearby soldier, who walked back from the surrounding woods, called out "Hey you!" He pointed behind them. Reiner turned and saw he was pointing at Annie, "You're pretty strong for being so tiny right? We've got another suicide-someone has to cut him down."
Annie growled in annoyance, and the three looked curiously as she followed the man. They shared a tentative look and, shrugging, Reiner set off after her with the others in tow. While he had heard the word suicide before, he really only knew it by it's dictionary definition. It was a sin, but that was all that really mattered to him. He was morbidly curious, as were the others.
He certainly didn't expect it to be someone he knew, however little. The body was completely unrecognizable; it had turned many different colors and any identifiable features were obscured by the inhuman bloat. The only reason he knew it was the boy that had told them about the colossal was because one of the men had said James had gone missing 2 days ago. Reiner had never seen a decomposing human body, all the bodies he'd seen still looked at least mostly human. But James wasn't human anymore, he was meat-just like everyone else. It was that dark, ugly truth people lived their entire lives trying to deny. Somehow, it was strangely comforting. Eldians and Marleyans decomposed just the same, it didn't matter to the world at large. Reiner didn't matter to the world at large, he too was destined to die one day and be forgotten- and that part terrified him.
Not that any of that mattered right now, it wasn't like he was going to die anytime soon. For now though, he would just make sure to remember James as he was: a kinda mean older boy that laughed at others' pain, and gave him the advice that saved his life.
A few days later, the Cadets were called out into the field again to test new artillery fresh from Marleyan factories. They tested the accuracy out on subpar Camunni artillery from captured cities that the army couldn't reuse themselves. Of course, the higher-ups ignored the fact the improved Marleyan designs came from the captured guns. They stood on a hill with the targets on the flat, desolate land below.
Porco and Reiner worked together to help drag the huge, 40lbs shells off the cart- so heavy they worked horses instead of wasting car engines on it. It was just the Cadets there with a Marleyan artilleryman to help them- apparently an old friend of Magath. Naturally, the first thing Zeke did as the most senior Cadet was put the others to work while he read in the shade. Porco reflexively slapped a mosquito on his neck, accidentally dropping his half of the shell.
Reiner lept back to avoid getting his foot crush, "Hey!"
Porco growled in responce and threw his hands up in the air, "This is so stupid! We're not even shooting real Moonies!"
Reiner nervously glanced around for the Marleyan officer, but saw he was gone- probably to use the restroom. He turned his attention back to Porco, "Don't say things like that. Anything that helps the war effort is worth doing a hundred times over!"
"How does shooting dummies and being eaten alive help the war effort? They should've been testing these things back in Marley, this is just a waste of time." Porco said, his voice slowly rising in volume. Silently, Zeke's eyes lifted off the page to observe the scene and Marcel paused what he was doing to look between them nervously.
"It's not about shooting dummies." Reiner insisted, "It's about...supporting Marley! And everything it stands for by contributing to the war. If they need artillery tested, then we do so."
"How is doing something anyone could help? How does this prove we're good Eldians?" Porco shot back.
Pieck happily trotted by them on her way to the cart, "Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die!" She said in a sing-song voice, "Now that's good poetry."
Reiner nodded in agreement, "Exactly, thank you Pieck."
Porco rolled his eyes, "You're both stupid. This whole thing is stupid! This war is stupid!" He said with growing rage, kicking a rock across the clearing. He hated it here, he hated the bugs, he hated the heat, he hated the humidity, and more than anything he hated coming so close to death so often.
"is not!" Reiner immediately defended, "This war is important to spread Marleyan ideals. Like... freedom! And morality!"
"How?" Porco asked, at this point not even caring what the others thought. He just wanted Reiner to admit he was right and that this whole exercise was dumb, completely oblivious to how the argument was spriling.
"Freedom is being given the choice to do what's right, and serving Marley and being a good Eldian is what's right."
"Stop dodging the question! How does this?" He gestured to the area, "help us do that?"
Reiner paused for a second in thought and decided to change tactics: "We're doing this drill because we're at war." He said simply.
Porco fell for it immediately, "Why are we at war, then?"
"Because we're fighting."
"Ok, why are we fighting?"
"Because we're at war."
Porco's face went slack for a moment as he digested the words in dumb bewilderment. Moments later, his face contorted with raw fury, "You're crazy! How does that even work!?"
Reiner was at a loss for words for a moment, and he could tell he was getting very close to losing this argument. That wouldn't do, because if Porco was right about this, what else could he be right about? Could he even be right about the war being pointless? He wasn't entirely proud of his next action, but as a good Eldian, Reiner simply couldn't let that stand.
"Well, that's what Commander Magath told me. So if you disagree, that makes you a bad Eldian."
Porco's mouth opened and closed like a fish as he tried to come up with another rebuttal. He glanced around, and with more than a little embassament noticed everyone was looking at him. To make things worse, Marcel looked at him with something like resigned disappointment that he couldn't stop the argument. That was quickly replaced with a cold splash of fear after meeting Zeke's cold stare. "I-uh, sorry. I shouldn't have questioned orders…I didn't mean it."
Marcel stepped forward and put a hand on Porco's shoulder, "Come on, let's get back to work." Zeke's eyes drifted back to his book, and he never did mention this to the Marleyan officer when he got back. Marcel thought for sure he would report Porco, counted on it even, but he never did. Maybe this was Zeke's idea of mercy.
By the time the Marleyan officer came back and taught them how to calibrate the artillery, the group had fallen into a tense silence. Marcel, Reiner and Bertolt were on one gun, Annie and Porco on another, and then Pieck and Zeke on the last one.
Marcel looked over the field through the binoculars to the target, and Reiner and Bertolt did the same. "I'll bet 120 meters." He guessed.
"Nah, I think 90 meters." Reiner said before looking at Bertolt, "you?"
"O-oh, uh..135 meters?" Bertolt shrugged.
"Darn, I was way off." Reiner sighed, turning to work on the aim, "That's what, 65 degrees?"
"68." Marcel corrected, before going to help Reiner turn the heavy crank attached to the side of where the gun was mounted on the frame. "Hey, I just want to say sorry for my brother. He can be careless, but he's not malicious. Please be patient with him."
Slightly taken aback by the sudden apology, Reiner responded defensively, "It's not like I hate him or anything. He's annoying, but he's still my friend. I just don't know why after we graduated he suddenly started being mean to me."
Marcel's eyebrows shot up in surprise but he quickly schooled his face, "Porco just...really wants to do his best but feels like he can only do that if he's better than someone else. You understand, right?"
Reiner nodded slowly, "I guess, it doesn't bother me a lot...as long as he doesn't bad-mouth me to command." Porco could curse him to his face all he wanted, that didn't change the fact he was a cadet- even if it did sting- but if he tried to sabotage him...Well, Reiner already learned what happens when speaking ill of someone, but he definitely would never forgive him. He didn't care if Porco had his own weird issues, as long as he didn't cross that line it was fine.
Marcel smiled good-naturedly, "Thanks Reiner, you're a good person."
Reiner's cheeks burned with embarrassment and he tried in vain to hide his face from him, "Geeze, what's with all the compliments? You want something?"
Marcel laughed, "Actually, if you could load this thing for me that would be awesome! And get the rest of the amo off the carts, then you could get me water and a snack, maybe some strawberry candies?"
Reiner rolled his eyes, "I need more than a few complements to do all that."
"Did I mention your new haircut looks really cool?"
Reiner gaped, "Hey! My mom cut my hair according to military guidelines!" he exclaimed, self consciously running a hand through his short hair, as if that could somehow hide whatever was wrong with it. Bertolt chuckled behind them, earning a fierce glare.
"Sorry man, did I hit a nerve?" Marcel tried to sound sympathetic, but that was ruined by his poorly suppressed laughter.
Reiner deflated, "Whatever, just don't mention it to Annie. She's way meaner than, like, 5 Porco's combined."
"She has eyes, ya know…" Bertolt whispered, half hoping no one could hear him. He was heard though, and any apologies he tried to stutter out were drowned out by Marcel's boisterous laughter.
They spent the whole, miserable day like that- which Reiner very begrudgingly admitted to himself was unpleasant. When it was finally time to go back to camp for dinner, the only solace the cadets could take was that-since the shells certainly weren't coming back to camp- they could ride in the cart.
As the cadets approached the camp, they noticed something was off. Men rushed from tent to tent, ran in and out of supply tents carrying guns, amo, and every type of military PPG.
Zeke's face turned cold, "Come on," he said in a voice that left no room for argument, "We need to find Magath. Follow me." Zeke walked so fast towards the center of the chaos, the others had to jog just to keep up.
As they ran through camp, the situation seemed to grow more dismal. Men huddled in corners and sobbed, holding pictures of loved ones. Two Eldian soldiers fought over a gas mask, and they could see a few men hiding extra flak jackets in a rain barrel as water poured over the top. Marleyan officials watched the supervised chaos, laughing when one soldier would hit another for a weapon. Porco slowed as he observed the madness in horror.
It took Reiner a second to notice Porco had fallen behind, and he stopped immediately to look for him. The others would be safe as long as they stayed with Zeke, but he had no idea what was happening.
"W-What's going on?" Porco asked a man, who's hands shook as he tried to pick up bullet casings in the mud.
"I-It's Suvla…We're going to Suvla..." His voice sounded like it was on the verge of tears, and he moved faster to pick up everything he had dropped. In the end, more mud than bullets ended up in the case. He stood and ran to join the frenzy of activity.
"Hey! What's wrong with Suvla?" He asked in desperation, not even realizing when Reiner jogged up next to him.
Reiner pulled on his arm hesitantly, "Come on, we need to catch up with Zeke…"
Porco paid him no mind though and continued to shout into the crowd, "Suvla can't be this bad? What's wrong with Suvla!?"
An older man, who was in the middle of carrying bundles of flak jackets, stopped and stared at Porco's confused and horrified face. Porco jumped when the man suddenly fell to his knees and dropped what he was carrying. The man took Porco's face in his hands and looked deep in his eyes. Reiner tensed and reached for his gun strapped to his back in case the man lashed out suddenly. He opened his mouth like he was about to answer, but before he could, he started to sob. Porco froze in terror.
This gained the attention of a Marleyan officer nearby, "You! Get back to work! This is no time for a breakdown!" The man didn't care though, and he continued crying freely even as the officer walked closer brandishing the butt of his rifle.
Reiner once again grabbed Porco's arm and pulled him away from the man- who collapsed onto his hands and knees without anything to support him. "Let's go." He muttered quietly, Porco gave no response and let Reiner lead him away. Even walking away, they could hear the sounds of the butt of a gun against flesh, like a butcher tenderizing meat, with screams of pain and confusion, and the angry yelling of a Marleyan officer that would haunt both their dreams. Subconsciously, Reiner's grip tightened around Porco's arm, and Porco pressed himself closer into Reiner's side in response.