There's still no sun.
For a land known as having eternal nights, the moon could not be seen, as well.
Yoshiwara is still Yoshiwara.
Edo has changed a lot – with its streets being contaminated by ugly-looking creatures, with its rightful people humiliated and murdered in their own land, and with countless lives of both warriors and civilians stolen.
Takasugi, himself, has changed – with him losing an eye during the cold of winter; with him losing everything, everyone...sensei!
And yet Yoshiwara remains the same.
Glancing up at the lead-tainted sky, one spring afternoon, he wondered if he could just burn this place down – along with himself, and perhaps, along with her.
Would she fancy that idea?
She didn't seem to like this place, anyway; and she would be freed from this place – from this rotten world.
Setsuna.
The world is pure?
No.
He wanted to tell her this, over a cup of sake and a tragic tune of a shamisen, as they both watch the flames engulf everything and everyone – waiting for themselves to be torched by the fire, they'd started.
With such plan, he stood in front of the shop, which was still closed like the rest of the shops. It took only a few minutes before a familiar middle-aged woman came out, puffing out smoke from her cigarette, as she informed him that they 'll open in a few more hours.
"Setsuna."
It surprised him how such a name, he has only muttered to himself very seldomly for the past months, rolled out of his tongue smoothly, and in such a steady voice.
He wasn't the only one surprised at hearing the name, though, proven by the older woman briefly pausing in her smoking and focusing her keen gaze on him.
"I'm here to meet her."
The shop owner didn't even ask for his name, as she led him to the quarters of courtesans, and stopped in front of a room, before silently leaving.
The dark purple-haired samurai stood there for a few more breaths, before he slid the door open.
What met his eye first was chestnut hair let down, in contrast to her white nagajuban or undershirt. Following this were the dark gray eyes filled with confusion, shock, and a mix of glee and sadness; then her bare yet winsome face; and lastly, her pink lips parted a little.
Today, there was no make-up and red kimono to blame. There was no alcohol to blame.
He simply found her beautiful.
Such realization was painful, knowing that in all the filth of this world, he managed to discover something pure.
Setsuna.
A name that's untainted and beautiful.
A name that would soon be reduced into ashes, along with the place that caused it to be hidden away.
That was why, when he felt arms envelop his thin frame, he allowed himself to wrap his own arms around her, and touch her hair and small back with his bloodstained hands. Her head was burrowed on his neck, and he soon felt warm dampness against his skin.
"Shinsuke-san", she weakly cried out.
The combination of hearing her voice for the first time in months and her speaking out his given name for the first time; and the sensation of her lips and breath on his skin stirred something in him. It felt like a drug.
With her shoulders slightly shaking, he loosened his hold, urging her to face him once again. Looking at her glistening eyes, and recalling how he had also made her cry during their first meeting, he gently muttered,
"Setsuna."
Carefully, unlike whenever he wielded his sword, he wiped a tear that fell from her right eye; and as if in response, she reached out and caressed the skin just below the bandages that covered his once left eye, just like what she did when he had her kanzashi against her neck.
Her lenses then wandered from the bandages, to his single olive one, before ultimately staying on his lips. Looking back to all the warmth she had offered him, despite the coldness of the metal tip of the kanzashi on her pale skin and the coldness of his fingers on her face, he became a little greedier for such warmth. Consequently, his own eye landed on her pink lips, as a positive reaction to her unspoken invitation.
It was her who made the first move.
She clutched the back of his yukata, while leaning forward. Settling on meeting her halfway, he tightly held her waist, as he lightly and very so briefly connected their lips. Her lips felt so warm and soft, but this didn't eliminate his grief. It didn't fully melted the icy winter in him.
More. He needed more.
Fortunately or unfortunately, he wasn't the only one who experienced the coldest winter. The woman, who has probably waited for him during the chilly season, initiated the next peck. Afterwards, such quick kisses turned to longer and deeper ones – baring their hungry and longing hearts.
Takasugi decided to indulge in this temporary bliss, prior to setting Yoshiwara in flames, as he momentarily ignored the black beast in him, which demanded to destroy everything; and entertained a different beast in him – or could it be his soul – which wished to treasure something, and which craved for some form of happiness and affection in a world of despair and pain, even if it's only for a fleeting period.
He could always suggest his twisted proposition of burning this place down and leaving this world together, later to her.
Hence, he submitted to his instincts as a young male and started to roam his hands around her body.
"Shinsuke...", she moaned between heated kisses and intimate touches, driving both of them out of their minds and taking their desires even further. For the rest of their passionate time together, they breathily and yearningly whispered each other's real names.
A couple of rebels sharing truths between them, within the walls of the land of lies and deceit.
Two naked bodies remained cuddled to each other on the futon in the middle of the small room of the courtesan.
From what the man knew, the lady should be preparing herself for work, now. Instead, she shifted on top of him, and extended her delicate yet strong fingers towards his bandages. He caught her wrist, just when she was about to brush away the bangs covering the bandages.
Strands of brown fell and tickled his jaw. Promptly, she withdrew her hand from his grasp, and tucked the strands behind her ear. The samurai believed that he got lucky, because he felt that he was about to surrender to the female warrior's determined gaze, moments ago.
Despite her expression remaining dark, some tenderness was present in her tone, when she asked,
"What was it worth?"
Such question raised his brows for a bit. He understood that she was referring to the eye he had lost, and to the war he had participated in. Despite this, he couldn't help but be impressed at her way of words – glad to see that she's poetic and bold, as ever.
"We lost."
There was nothing poetic about those two words. He just boldly stated a fact.
A frown formed on her face, as if she wasn't contented with his answer.
Should he have chosen better words? Was she disappointed in him?
Of course she was. He was defeated. He failed to protect everything. He's weak.
"I know I have limited knowledge beyond Yoshiwara. But I do know that in war, winners live on, whereas losers die."
What she just declared widened his eye, and caused him to slowly sit up. Well, he didn't expect that. So, could such belief be the reason why she seemed unconvinced with him losing the war?
While she readjusted herself between his legs, they never broke eye contact. Emerald orb searched for any humor in her dark orbs, but what he found was nothing but sincerity. She was serious.
This left him amazed and shocked at her naive, yet dangerous idea. His twisted mind was currently processing her statement, when she resumed, "But, you're alive. Thus, I find it hard to believe that you had already lost."
He stayed still, looking forward to her next lines, which were both poison and antidote to him.
"Maybe...the war isn't over yet."
Simultaneous to the pieces slowly coming together inside his mind, Setsuna slowly shifted to a graceful kneeling position of a courtesan – but with a dignified and tenacious posture of a warrior.
"If it's not over, then you can still fight. You can still win."
.
.
.
The lightning of realization struck him; and eventually, everything she just said made sense.
That's right.
She's still in her war, and perhaps, he is still in his war, as well.
He's still alive.
That's why they can't die yet.
After a lot of contemplation ever since he lost his sensei, his army, and his eye, he has made his resolve.
Burning Yoshiwara down now is nothing and useless.
He decided to fucking burn everything down, and watch this damn disgusting world turn into ashes – dark gray like her eyes – and with his sole green eye being the only proof of life, after the fiery light in her own dark gray eyes gets extinguished by nobody but him.
Only then can he die.
And at last, his soul, next to hers, could go to a world that is truly pure.
Keeping this in mind, he ended up not mentioning his original proposition of perishing together. Instead, he reminded her about the need to get dressed and prepare for work.
While she was working that same evening, he immediately requested for 'Lady Kuri.' The shop owner merely had a knowing look, as she refused his payment – plainly telling him to pay her double the next time he visits. It sounded like a warning and a demand for his return. Nevertheless, he nodded.
The sake, she had poured for him that night, tasted sweet only for the first sip, then bitter for the succeeding ones; and he knew that he had to come back for more, until the day the liquor finally tastes sweet all the way.
Making up his mind, he let himself stay in her arms for a couple more days.
"Setsuna, I'll win this war."
Those were his parting words, before setting out on a journey. Alongside the promise of victory were the promises of sending her letters and coming back to the underground red-light district from time to time.
So far, he has been keeping the latter promises – with the former still miles away to completion. Whenever he returns, either before the business open or even while she's working, they'd spent the night together, and once the crows awaken and cry in the morning, he leaves.
One time, when Takasugi had difficulty in sleeping, he rose up from the bed they shared and took his kiseru or pipe he had just acquired. He stood by the window, allowing the smoke to fill his lungs then leave his system and vanish via the breeze outside. The idea of using his kiseru to ignite a small fire, which will soon be large enough to entirely cover what's known as paradise with smoke – as if to show everyone how Yoshiwara is hell and not heaven – was very tempting. Maybe, he should just end everything tonight and perish – fading away like smoke.
"Shinsuke?", the lady called, and in an instant, he was reminded of a way better plan – the plan to spread and blanket, not just Yoshiwara, but the whole fucking world with toxic smoke.
The noise of fabric ruffling was heard, followed by a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, feeling her breath close to his ears, "Does it make you feel better?"
He nodded.
"Can I try?"
He scoffed, "Have you ever smoked before?"
He felt her head shake above his shoulders, as she spoke, "A cigarette, maybe three or four times? Not sure. But from a pipe, never."
As soon as he moved the pipe right across her face, she retracted her arms and accepted the pipe. A few seconds after she took a drag, she coughed, "W-well, that didn't make me feel better."
Chuckling at her, he took the pipe back, and immediately connected the pipe, that was previously on her lips, to his own.
Beside him, chestnut head tilted up towards the metallic ceiling, with a smile, "Isn't this romantic? See, the full moon is so bright."
He followed her gaze at the moonless sky, and rolled his emerald eye.
"Idiot."
After a long drag from his pipe, though, he smirked and played along, "...it's a crescent moon."
There were times when the young samurai would be awaken by his nightmares. His lone eye shots open, only to see dark gray ones already staring at him. Before he could angrily rub the tears off, however, her left palm is already cupping his face. Her thumb wipes away the tears, as she coos, "Shh, it's okay. You're alive. You're here. I'm here."
She never really asks.
She just wordlessly plants kisses on his scars; and she just stays by his side and they both share a comfortable silence – letting their gazes and hearts do all the talking.
Sometimes, he does tell her little details about the war, about his sensei and about his plans for the future; but he makes sure to be guarded and careful not to spill too much. Her knowing a lot might be too risky for either of them. Besides, he couldn't really get himself talking about the more painful memories and more dangerous plans he has.
There's a time when she asked some stuff, though.
"So, by destroying, you mean killing them, right?"
When he didn't answer the question, which he knew she knew the answer to already, she laid down the shamisen, and continued, "By everything, you mean Yoshiwara's included right?"
He couldn't tell her that he meant to take this whole damn world down – including the few people she held dear, including herself, and including himself. Therefore, as a response, he took the shamisen, and started doing the same song she just skillfully did. Instead of a proper answer, he questioned back,
"Don't you hate this place?"
"I do."
She quickly said it with no hesitations, causing him to halt in his strumming.
The firm expression she had, turned softer, while she went on, "But, in all the darkness of this place, I have found light. I found both the sun and moon in Hinowa and Tsukuyo, and found more lighted candle wicks in the rest of my friends."
Listening to her meaningful remarks was never tiresome. However, he caught something. She had mentioned the lady named Hinowa before, but not Tsukuyo. He wasn't given the chance to ask, when she further stated, "Lastly, because of this place, I found the light of life. I found green. I found you."
Due to such words of affection, his curiosity about some moon girl or something was easily discarded. His focus was now on this chestnut girl alone.
With dark eyes enlightened and an expression full of compassion, she honestly spoke more of her thoughts, "Still, I understand you. I know that this place is bound to be destroyed. If we can be free because of you, then I appreciate that, but while waiting, I'll continue fighting in my own way to be free."
Without missing a beat, she suddenly became less serious by winking and re-assuring him for the nth time, "Don't worry, I just keep my customers company, and I don't sleep with other men. I know some tricks" – despite the fact that he haven't really restricted her.
She was still the courtesan Kuri, though, he would not hesitate to draw his sword on anyone who lays a finger on her (but she didn't need to know this.) Perhaps he didn't order her to get rid of 'Kuri', because for the shop owner and for the other courtesans, he has to be 'Tōgyō', a customer who pops out after a span of time and recurrently requests for 'Lady Kuri.' He knew who she really was anyway – the warrior Setsuna. Besides, their aliases get forgotten, when they're alone and when they begin to intimately whisper each other's real identities in the middle of pain and pleasure; in the middle of blood, sweat and tears.
He let out a low chuckle at her, and at his dark thoughts, and resumed in playing the instrument.
"After all, it doesn't matter if the world is rotten or pure, I still want to see the outside world with you, Shinsuke."
That next line from her sounded like a lovely lyric, that somehow went along with the melody of the song; and he could only close his eye to completely relish such momentary sweetness.
This understanding of hers, he figured out, was probably the reason why she could strongly hold back her tears, whenever he leaves; and he admired her strength even more.
The Kiheitai leader had visited the courtesan slash warrior around the time of his birthday, and spent a passionate evening, during the heat of summer.
Then, a month after that, he returned one more time, only to say goodbye again.
"I'll be gone for a year."
Setsuna simply helped him put on his clothes, and wrap the bandages around his head, "How far are you in your plans?"
Earlier, he had unraveled the bandages himself, welcoming her peppered kisses all over his face, including the usually-covered area.
Finally, he fixed and tightened his obi over his yukata, "Still not enough. I need to find more people."
"That's fine", she pats his shoulders and chest, satisfied at his look. Meeting his exposed orb, she curled the corners of her mouth up, "The Kiheitai needs you. I'll be here. It's not like I can leave this place."
Seeing how Yoshiwara was oddly safer, he inwardly thought, "It's better if you're here, for now."
"I'll send letters", he promised.
She held his face with both hands, and stared straight and warmly into his green lens, "Yes. Please do see the outside world for me."
Prior to turning his back on her, he let out a small smile.
Just as he was about to slide the door open, however, she hugged him from behind. As if it was not unexpected enough, he could hear her sniffling and could feel the wet tears soaking his shoulder and his back.
He was about to face her, when she tightened her hold.
"Don't. Don't look back. Just move forward."
Takasugi didn't exactly get why she said that.
Just like the rebel that he is, though, he used a bit of his strength to turn around and meet her tear-stricken, yet alluring face. He tried searching her eyes for some answers, but he could only find more tears welling up, as if she was begging him not to ask any further.
Respecting her – just like how she respected him when he stopped her from unwrapping his bandages – he gently lifted her chin and planted a long kiss on her lips, before wisely doing as he was told, and wordlessly left her room.
He wasn't sure if he had heard right, because of the door between them; but he found his heart achingly racing wild, due to faint and muffled three — sweet yet cruel — words that escaped her lips, as soon as he slid the door shut behind him.
"I love you."
A/N:
Aww :( what do you think happened?
Anyway, this was a difficult chapter to write, considering how complex Takasugi is. I just hope that he's still in character? Please do let me know~ Thanks!
To theEmpress09, yay I'm glad to hear that, thank you! :)
Lastly, I hope you all liked this chapter and may you all be healthy!