A/N:
Hello everyone!
First off, thanks to all the new faves and follows! To the new readers, welcome to this fic~
Next, thank you so much for all the comments! :) I really love hearing from you T_T
To theEmpress09, oh my, you're so kind! I'm very pleased to know that I wrote our complex but adorable emo edgelord (lol) properly. Thank you ;A; Tsukki's gonna appear in this chap! :) As for Gin-chan, he made an appearance in Chap 4, but I'm still thinking whether or not he's going to physically appear in the future chapters, since I wanna try to stick with the canon stuff, considering how this is set after Courtesan of the Nation arc (except for the flashback parts) and how this is more on Takasugi's POV. So, I'm not sure if it's okay to let Takasugi meet Gintoki, while Takasugi's in Yoshiwara. Anyway, I'm sure Gin-chan's gonna be mentioned or at least be alluded to~ ;)
To the guests who reviewed, since I can't say if you're the same person (sorry!) I'll address the guests as separate people, just in case (lol). To guest#1, I'm truly glad to hear that! Here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy this too :)
To guest#2, Yay I'm so happy that the net led you here in this story of mine :) I lack sleep too (lol) and your English's alright, don't worry! As for the ages, I'm glad you pointed that out. So far, I couldn't really find the exact ages of the canon characters in the net, but I've found some estimates of their ages. From what I saw, I guess Tsukuyo is a little younger than Gintoki and Takasugi (please do correct me if I'm mistaken). So, I just based their ages in this fic to those estimates; plus the fact that the Joui war ended 10 years before the start of Gintama's present timeline, and that Seita was born 8 years before Gintama's present timeline. Hence, I made an age chart for this fic below:
...
Hinowa and OC: in Gintama's present time, around 27-28; in this flashback, around 17-18 then during Seita's birth, Hinowa is 20 while OC is 19
Takasugi and Gintoki: in Gintama's present time, around 25-26; in this flashback, around 15-16 then during Seita's birth, around 17
Tsukuyo: in Gintama's present time, around 23-24; in this flashback, around 13-14 then during Seita's birth, around 15
Seita: in Gintama's present time, around 8 up
...
I wish I managed to make things clearer now! :) Okay, enough of my blabbering (lol), here you go~
「三千世界の
烏を殺し
主と朝寝を
してみたい」
"Killing all the crows of three thousand worlds, I would love to indulge in a nice lie-in with you, my dear."
After reading what's neatly written on the paper, Hinowa placed a hand over her mouth, "Oh my, that's so sweet!", then gasped after recognizing the 7-7-7-5 syllable structure of the poem, "Wait...it's a dodoitsu! Wow, you sure got yourself a creative lover, Setsuna~"
Setsuna rightfully took back the letter, which Hinowa had snatched when the latter caught her giddily grinning from ear to ear while studying the piece of paper, that noon at the bench outside the shop. Her friend teased her even more, "Where are your previous letters? I wanna read them."
"N-no! I can't let you. This is embarrassing enough."
It's been almost three months since she and Takasugi has began such relationship; and it's been two weeks since his previous visit. As promised, he sends her letters from time to time. His letters are usually short and in the form of poetry. He's a deep man of few words, after all. As much as she wanted to reply, however, she didn't know where he was. Thus, whenever he returns, she responds either with her own poetic words or with her sensual touches or both.
"Why? Does he tell you how he misses your touches, the steamy things you do and – "
"Hinowa!", she cut the other off, feeling the heat creeping to her face – uncharacteristic for courtesans like them, who should be used to such suggestive talks due to the nature of their work. But, damn, she is in love.
Just as the dark-haired lady resumed in her teasing, a different voice fortunately interrupted, "What are you two doing?"
Once dark gray and blue both met purple, "Tsukuyo-chan!" and "Tsukuyo!" were heard respectively.
The blond-haired teen, who was standing across them, just blinked. As expected, the blue-eyed lady was faster in answering, "We're reading a love letter sent to Setsuna!"
The dark gray-eyed one complained, "Mou, Hinowa~", before smiling at the girl wearing a white ninja outfit, "Tsukuyo-chan, keep it a secret, okay?", to which she was given a nod, in response.
"Tsukuyo, would you like to read it too?", their energetic friend asked the teen with golden locks secured in a bun. Seeing how mentioned friend didn't let the topic go, Setsuna gave up, ready to hand Tsukuyo the piece of paper.
"No, I'm good", was what the younger girl said, though. Violet irises looked straight at her ash ones, "Is he a decent man? Just tell me if he's bothering you, Setsuna."
Again, Hinowa answered for her, "Well, he seems to be really poetic. I guess he's not just any other samurai."
The Hyakka trainee got more alert, "Samurai?"
Not wanting to worry any of her current companions, she vouched for her lover, "Don't worry about it, Tsukuyo-chan. He's a good man", even if she knew that 'good' might not exactly be the best term to describe a complex person like him.
"How can you be so sure?"
The gaze the blonde has, as she asked that, was that of a warrior, Setsuna discerned.
She met Tsukuyo through Hinowa, years ago. During that time, she was struggling in the various lessons they were made to learn. On the other hand, her raven-haired friend was already considered as one with amazing potential and talent; and was, therefore, trained under the highest courtesans. One day, when Hinowa visited her, a little girl with short golden hair was following behind her friend – just like how she was almost always by Hinowa's side when they were younger.
And that was when she felt connected with the girl. They both have found a sun in the darkness, and they were now drawn to it.
The first thing she noticed, when the young girl warily stepped to the side and wordlessly presented herself, was how beautiful the girl was.
She looked so pure.
However, what struck her the most was the light in her lavender eyes. It's not as bright and scorching as Hinowa's, but it's a soft glow.
It's kind of like sunlight reflected from the moon's surface.
Moonlight.
Once she had introduced herself as 'Tsukuyo', Setsuna could only smile – delighted to arrive at a conclusion.
She had finally found a moon in this eternal night.
Currently basking in both sunlight and moonlight, the girl – who was neither sun nor moon, but simply wished to protect her own light and flame in her ash eyes – could only hum, "I just know. You'll understand once you fall in love, Tsukuyo-chan", as she thought about his dull, yet green eyes.
With a firm stance and tone, that were natural – proving how Tsukuyo was already a warrior way before she was being trained to be part of Yoshiwara's law enforcement squad – she quickly rebutted, "I'll never fall in love."
"Oh Tsukuyo~ Setsuna's special someone apparently has some young samurai friends, as well, right Setsuna?"
Seeing her beautiful scarred face, Setsuna couldn't help but wish to see a blush decorate such face, as she decided to participate in the teasing, courtesy of their vibrant friend, "Yes, shall I ask him, Tsu– "
"No!"
While the youngest out of the three was starting to get annoyed at them, the older two just shared a satisfied yet curious look, once they saw a tiny bit of pink dusting the youngest's pale and make up-free cheeks, "N-not a samurai, not anyone. I have already given up my– "
"Tsukuyo", another voice interrupted. This time, it was a deep voice.
"Master!"
At the sight of the leader of the Hyakka, the two courtesans stood up and politely bowed, "Good noon Jiraia-sama."
The bandages covering Jiraia's mysterious face reminded her of Takasugi's. It made her wonder what was the worth of him losing his face. Did he lose anything else, besides his face? Was he in a war, himself? Would Tsukuyo soon be like him? Just like what worried Hinowa, whenever they talked about the ninja master and the trainee, could the scar on Tsukuyo's face just be the first step for her to lose her own face?
Her questions were pushed back, as she was reminded of the dark purple-haired samurai again. Similar to Takasugi, Jiraia was not exactly sociable, as he silently nodded at them, then spoke only to his apprentice, "We'll now resume our training. Let's go, Tsukuyo."
"Yes, master", the student bowed at the already-retreating back of her teacher.
"Be careful you two, especially, you, Setsuna", Tsukuyo whispered, before excusing herself in a normal volume and a more formal tone, "See you again, Lady Hinowa, Lady Kuri", then following after her master.
Speaking of teachers, weeks passed and her beloved visited again; and this time, he had told her a little bit more about his own teacher.
"Shouyo-sensei", he desperately called in his sleep.
Days after he left once more, Setsuna was confronted by someone, who was probably the closest she had for a teacher. Unlike those who trained little girls to be courtesans, the shop owner was ironically the one who taught her to be a person, and not just a doll or commodity.
"Kuri, you're slacking off. Ever since that man – Tōgyō or whatever – has been visiting ya, ya started rejecting customers", Lady Miya, the shop owner, puffed some smoke.
So much for teaching her to be a person, business is still business, after all.
Despite this, the courtesan inwardly laughed, thinking about the times the middle-aged businesswoman refused Takasugi's payment whenever he came during non-working hours.
Feeling playful, she stated matter-of-factly, "Not all. I still accept some. Just last night, I was with a customer."
"Yeah, and all of those customers said that they had so much fun, that they couldn't remember anythin' – as if they got knocked out or somethin'"
"Well, that means they all have low tolerance in alcohol. I did my job and had fun with them and poured them drinks."
"Drinks with sleeping pills. Don't even bother denying, I used to do that before."
"You taught me that, sensei", she grinned.
"Shut up and don't call me that. If ya can't fuck them 'coz of that guy, then use an Aizen Kou."
Ah, Aizen Kou, a drug of Yoshiwara that reportedly induces those who had taken in its incense to fall in love automatically. She had never used it, and she has no plans on using it.
Before she could even outwardly reject the idea, the sun walked in the store and literally brightened up the place, "Aizen Kou? What's with it?"
While the brown-haired courtesan gave her friend a hug, Lady Miya spoke, "Ah Hinowa, you're here at a right timing", welcoming their regular visitor, who works at one of the high-end shops of the area, "Tell you're friend here that I have a business to keep and that she needs to go sleep with her customers or else some girls might find somethin' shady and rat her out to the Hyakka."
At the mention of the para-military group of Yoshiwara, Setsuna stiffened. As expected, Hinowa noticed straight away. When Setsuna saw azure eyes burning even more, coupled with the confident beam ever-so-present in her best friend's beautiful face, she was prepared to stop said friend in saying whatever idea she had in mind. Unluckily, Hinowa was faster. As usual.
"Lady Miya, please let her be. Let her avoid sleeping with those she accepts. In return, with every customer she rejects, I'll compensate it with money. Or you can also send those she had rejected to me and I can offer them a discount. Of course, you'll receive commission."
"Hinowa!", Setsuna exclaimed at such excessive proposition.
Meanwhile, her boss raised her brows and put out her almost-finished cigarette on the ash-tray.
The raven-head just chuckled, "It's okay, you know I have a lot of extra, courtesy of those very generous customers. Also don't worry about me, because aside from sleeping pills, I have a lot of tricks up my sleeves", ending her reasoning with a wink.
"No. That's too much! You're always helping me."
"Friends help each other! I don't have a lover and I don't really plan to have one, for now, so I'm fine with this", her sunshine stated, while enveloping her hands with warmth, "Go and love. Seeing you in love and happy inspires me, so in a way, you're helping me too."
Such words brought so much comfort, and she could only squeeze the other's strong hands and sniffle, "Hinowa~"
"Hey Hinowa, Setsuna", a sigh of defeat from Lady Miya interrupted their moment, "You're both out of your minds."
Hinowa has always been there for her.
Hinowa's the sun – dazzling, fixed in place and never leaving; whereas Setsuna was a dim planet orbiting around the sun – relying on the sun's light.
That was why that September, the time she needed strength the most, she had desperately waited for the sun to arrive outside the shop and immediately embraced the ball of energy, as she weakly uttered,
"I'm pregnant."
As soon as she had laid down the news to Hinowa, the latter broke away, only to wordlessly hook their arms together. She led them inside the shop, where she cheerfully greeted Lady Miya and the other ladies they passed by, as they went straight to Setsuna's room.
Once they were in the privacy of her room, blue irises turned serious, "For how long?"
Feeling really weak, Setsuna sat down on the zabuton or cushion on the floor, "I finally confirmed it several days ago, and apparently, it's been almost a month."
Her confidante joined her by kneeling across her, "Does he know?"
Of course, the sharp-witted female in front of her knew who the father is. For the past months, the chestnut-haired courtesan slept with only one man; and this was thanks to her tricks, to Lady Miya's consideration, and to Hinowa's constant assistance and encouragement.
With the image of her lover in her mind – his handsome face bare, as he finally allowed her to see beneath the bandages yesterday – her heart began aching, thinking how she wouldn't be able to see such face and see green for a year; how she would miss his deep and husky voice moaning her real name; how she would long for his addicting scent; and how she would crave for his lips that taste like sake and tobacco. Holding back the tears, she admitted, "He was just here yesterday, but I didn't tell him."
The woman currently near her didn't speak afterwards, probably understanding how difficult it was for courtesans like them to even wish for a proper lover, more so to wish for having a normal family.
But that wasn't the only reason why she didn't let him know.
She remembered how Takasugi felt so skinny in her arms, as she hugged him from behind yesterday; and how she realized that she couldn't let him carry two more people on his shoulders.
The young broken teen already has a lot of nightmares waking him up at night.
...
"Don't. Don't look back. Just move forward."
...
Painfully recalling that line she had told him yesterday, she could only focus at her lap, as she tried to justify her decision both to her companion and to herself, "I...I can't. I – we would only be in his way..."
'...to his goals', she kept this part to herself. She promised not to say anything about the war outside and his plans – not to anyone; not even to her most trusted friend, who she even considered as a slightly older sister.
"What– ", there was a hint of confusion in blue orbs, but this immediately turned into an alarmed one, "No, wait! Please don't tell me you're planning on doing that."
Clearly grasping what the other referred to, gray orbs met the other's for a second, before guiltily staring down again, as she looked back on the thing that's been bugging her for the past days. It was the dilemma of aborting the child or not. Abortion was indeed the most common solution for courtesans, who got pregnant – usually by their customers or their proclaimed lovers.
"I did consider it."
However, she believed she was not like those courtesans.
She's not Lady Kuri. She's Setsuna, the warrior and the rebel.
Clenching her fists in order to stop herself from crying, she resumed, "I know from the start that this relationship has no future. But, I...I just can't do it. I can't kill this innocent child."
...
"I love you."
...
Mentally repeating the words she had muttered, as soon as he shut the door behind him yesterday, she wanted to dream, even just for a while – hoping that the idea of him having a kid with her is not a nightmare for him, but a good dream that would replace all of his nightmares and heal all his pain. But since she didn't inform him, she wouldn't know if it's a bad or a good dream for him. Perhaps, she would never know – given both of their circumstances and the threats that lie ahead of them, as they fight in their own wars – and this hurt her heart even more.
She confessed, "There is still a part of me thinking that maybe...when everything's over, we could be a family."
"Over? Setsuna, what do you mean?"
There's so much emotions welling up in her that she couldn't even properly process her confidante's question.
In the end, the pregnant woman figured out that whatever Takasugi's impression would be, she would still be in danger. Their child would still be in danger. It would only take some time for the Hyakka to find out, and both mother and the unborn baby would certainly die.
Musing about such cruel fate; about yesterday most likely being the last time with her Shinsuke; and about her first declaration of love being her last words to him – albeit she wasn't sure if he had even heard her – she couldn't hold back any longer. Hot tears persistently flowed from her eyes, as she broke down and melted.
"I...I...I'm so scared, Hinowa! T-they'll kill us. H-hinowa..."
In an instant, strong arms held her broken form together like a pillar, as a hand gently rubbed her back, "Hey, shh...It's okay...You're strong and brave! You're both gonna be fine. They won't kill any of you. I won't let them!"
Taking in her best friend's undying support and protection, she could only cry even harder. She wasn't aware how long she has been sobbing, but once she started calming down, Hinowa pulled back to face her.
And there she was – as always – her bright star beaming at her.
"Congratulations, my lovely chestnut~ You're now a mother, Setsuna. I'm so happy for you!"
Azure eyes were glistening with tears, but the fire in them was not extinguished. With this, the embers in her own ash eyes grew stronger; and with a determined flame, she had made her resolve.
That's right.
She's not just a warrior now.
She's a mother.
And she will give birth to their pure child.
A/N:
Another note lol! But, I just wanna give a little background about the actual Japanese poem at the start. This is a type of Japanese poetry, known as dodoitsu, which is a 7-7-7-5 syllable form poem and is usually recited along with a shamisen. According to the net, the author is not exactly known. However, it is, apparently, usually credited to Takasugi Shinsaku. This is how it's read:
"Sanze sekai no
Karasu wo koroshi
Nushi to asane wo
Shitemitai"
Supposedly, the line could be interpreted as the author's desire of extending a passionate moment with someone even if it's just a while. Aww T_T
Anyway, I hope you liked this small detail and I look forward in reading more of your impressions :)