The summer heat of July couldn't really be felt in this underground red-light district – Takasugi reckoned. It hasn't even been a year, but he was back in Yoshiwara again.
Throughout his journey, he has managed to gather members of his new Kiheitai army, albeit not yet enough. He still haven't found the right people, who were trustworthy and strong enough, to lead alongside him. To gain more power and influence, he knew he had to have more supporters and connections by searching even further across the country.
It was also during his journey that the Joui rebel learned about the Harusame being the amanto group connected to Yoshiwara through the shangri-la's founder and current ruler. Constantly fleeing from Bakufu officials, who were hunting for his head, he couldn't afford having an amanto group, chasing after his tail as well. Not when he's only at the start of his plans to tear down everything.
With these reasons, he found himself passing through shops and ignoring the calls and invitations of some courtesans, as he neared the shop he was familiar with – all the while convincing himself and gathering courage, to make one final preparation before traveling and executing the next phase of his plans. In order to move forward with his grand scheme and ultimately be victorious, he realized that he was supposed to have nothing to protect.
He must simply destroy.
...
"I love you."
...
The problem was her. The very person, who muttered such enchanting yet haunting words to his retreating back, last September.
Setsuna.
She somehow managed to grow into him, and be a treasure he wished to protect – until he succeeds in wiping out the world; until the two of them are the only ones left, watching this filthy world burn down; and until they meet death together.
But he can't have that – he figured, after learning about Yoshiwara's overlord, and learning how risky the next parts of his plot were. As long as she's here and partially aware of his plans, there's a chance that both the Bakufu and the Harusame might get to her. Knowing this, he might hold back.
Hence, he came up with a resolve. He was going to save her from them and from this world, in his own insane way. This will be the last time for him to protect, before he starts to destroy.
Halting in front of the shop, he decided to see her one last time and give her the freedom she desires. This world's too rotten anyway. She deserves a world that's fitting for her name – a world that's pure.
Thus, he needs to kill her.
Once inside the shop, the dark purple-haired teen expected to meet the privy gaze of the old lady with a cigarette. What welcomed him, however, was an unknown man, who was like those from the shops he passed by. He was certain that this was the shop, so he couldn't help but ask about Lady Miya. The man referred to himself as the new manager, and told him that Lady Miya has been recently transferred to the overlord's mansion.
Ignoring the man teasing him about his tastes – dumbly saying that he was into much older women – an uncomfortable feeling welled inside Takasugi. He was about to ask for 'Lady Kuri'; but after noticing that only very few of the courtesans present inside the shop seemed familiar to him, and those mentioned courtesans even intentionally looked away from him and warily avoided his gaze, he stopped.
Something's off about this.
Why's Lady Miya transferred? Where're the others? Is Setsuna even here?
Such questions boggled him, causing him to rummage his brain for possible and reliable sources of information. He remembered the names, Hinowa, the sun, and Tsuki-something like the moon, popping in his conversations with the chestnut-haired woman; but he haven't really met any of them and he didn't know where they were. Not long after, though, an image of blue kimono and a face with thick make-up, emerged in his head.
Desperate for answers, he requested, "Lady Isuzu. Is she available?"
"Oh! Of course...with the right price."
Ah, that damned miss-one-of-the-best.
Entering the room where she currently was reminded him of the night he had foolishly chosen her over the 'newbie-girl-in-red', merely because he wanted to see that annoyingly stupid brown permhead broke; and she, likewise, had chosen him over another annoyingly stupid sliver permhead. When the lady, he didn't really like to see, raised her head from her bow and met his single orb, he saw how her practiced smile vanished.
At that proof of her recognizing him, he directly got to the point, "Where is Lady Kuri?"
The courtesan laughed, "I can't believe that after refusing to say a single thing to me before, your first words to me are about finding a different woman. What a jerk."
"Where is she?", he repeated.
She scowled, "Hey you rude brat, if you've asked for her from the manager, then you would have an answer already. Besides, do you really expect me to tell you, huh?"
"I'm a customer and you've already been paid."
Materialistic as ever – he noted – she rolled her eyes and sighed, "Fine. But be a proper customer first. Sit down and drink this, okay?...You'll need it, I swear."
Containing his irritation at the obnoxious female, he focused on his initial purpose, which was to obtain information; then sat far away from her and gulped down the cup of sake. The alcohol, she had poured, was bitter and not the least bit refreshing. Glaring at the lady, he silently demanded her to speak.
Isuzu took a sip from her own cup, before staring straight at him, and dropping the bomb.
"Kuri – or should I say, Setsuna – is dead."
As fast as lightning, he had stood up and the edge of his sword touched her neck.
"Don't fuck with me."
The woman's face contorted in horror, as she choked out, "I-it's true!"
His death stare got more intense, threatening to slit her throat. Hearing the chestnut-haired warrior's real name from Isuzu – coupled with how Isuzu's thick make-up couldn't cover her genuine expression right now – however, started rattling his mind, and causing his hands to slightly tremble.
The other, unfortunately, noticed this; and slowly, she became braver, "A-and you know why?", with her shaky lips transforming to something close to a smirk.
"It's because of you. You got her pregnant."
.
.
.
What.
The.
Fuck.
No.
No way.
That's a lie, right?
Right?!
"If you wanna know more, put that fucking sword away from me."
And that was when he realized how his grip must've been too unsteady, for the lady to easily push the sword away from her neck.
Feeling his energy suddenly get drained, he stayed frozen on his spot – clutching the heavy sword and letting it hang on his side – and waited until the courtesan seemed to prepare herself for the story she was about to tell, by downing another cup of liquor. Following this, he heard everything from the moment Isuzu and the others found out about Setsuna's pregnancy and her real identity, up to that night in May, when she went into labor. According to her, Setsuna was transferred to the storage room at the back of the shop, where a group of women assisted her delivery, whereas Isuzu stayed in the shop to entertain guests; so she didn't witness the rest of that night. The next thing she knew was Lord Housen's men entering the shop hours past midnight, then proceeded to the storage room, before going back, and reporting that the mother was already dead and that Hinowa and the baby were missing. From what she heard next, Hinowa was the only one who came back from the surface. Rumors say that she managed to hide the baby somewhere up there. But it was certain that the child can't live long above ground, so nobody bothered to find the child anymore.
After listening to her story, a spike of energy flowed in him, as soon as he came up with an enraging realization.
"You ratted them out."
It wasn't even a question. It was damn obvious. Most of the girls involved were now distributed to different shops, whereas Lady Miya was now working in the overlord's mansion, under the surveillance of the Hyakka and the ruler's men. On the contrary, this terrible woman remained in this shop, now being the best in here.
His accusation triggered her to stand up, cracking her pseudo-nonchalance and revealing her intentions, "So what if I did? It's only damn fair. There're lots of courtesans, who got pregnant and most of them sacrificed their babies to survive. So, why the hell is she special, huh?"
In his current state of disarray and rage, her rant didn't reach him, though, as he found himself raising the sharp steel once more to reach her face. Fierce like a storm he hissed,
"You fucking killed her."
But, he wasn't the only crazy one in this room. Unlike earlier, Isuzu appeared to be more mad than scared, trying her best to not mind the tip of the blade mere centimeters from her face, as she snapped, "No, I didn't! I only reported them hours after her labor began. I was kind enough to give them time to escape if they want. She died because her body's weak..", and glared at his lens, "...all because of you and that kid."
The serious and hurt look the other had, and her association with Setsuna by being her colleague, prevented him from slashing her face, then and there. Recalling his initial purpose of returning to this place, he withdrew the sword, which was supposed to be meant for her, his beloved treasure. He can't sully the blade with the blood of a disgusting and pathetic traitor, who was now back to her seat and with trembling hands, poured herself another cup of sake.
"If you don't believe me, go and fucking ask Hinowa", she said once she had collected herself. Back to her irritating self, she scoffed, "– that is if you can. She's now unreachable. No one could meet her. She only entertains VIPs or those that Lord Housen approves of."
Isuzu then briefly directed a look, that almost seemed sorry, to him. Irked at that, he wordlessly turned around and slid the door open, before he could even wipe such vexing look off her face with his sword. He then roughly closed the door behind him, not after hearing an extra information from her.
"I heard it was a boy. Chestnut-haired and green-eyed. I think she called him a name that meant 'clear skies' or something."
Takasugi soon found himself in front of an establishment, where the first-class courtesan apparently was.
Straight away, he asked a man, who looked like he was guarding a deity or some crap, "Is Lady Hinowa here?"
The other scanned him, with his gaze lingering too much on his bandages, "Yeah. Do you –"
"Inform her directly that Tōgyō is here and would like to talk to her."
"Oi, mister. You need to schedule an appoint– ",
He cut him off again by showing him a large sum of money, "I'll pay in full, after I meet her", then shoving a part of the amount on the man's chest, "For now, you can have this alone."
Predictably, the other tried his best to be discreet and slid the cash in his yukata, then went inside the building.
While waiting, the dark-haired samurai took this as a chance to organize his thoughts. He pushed himself to believe that Isuzu was just an expert actor and liar, and therefore, an unreliable source. He hoped that this woman, Hinowa, who Setsuna considered as her best friend slash sister and as the 'sun in the dark', could be more trustworthy, and enlighten him about everything – that Setsuna is very-well alive and that she never got pregnant.
Because, that's the truth, right?
Setsuna's a warrior and she's one of the strongest people he knew, so it doesn't make sense for her to die like that. Besides, how could a fucking person like him even create life?
A boy with chestnut-hair and green eyes?
That's bullshit.
The young man wasn't sure how long he had waited, but it was only when the older man returned and called for his attention that he realized that he didn't move an inch from his position. Immediately after he acknowledged the man with a blank stare, the man proceeded,
"Sorry mister, but Lady Hinowa refused to meet you. She also said to leave and to not come back ever again because you would no longer find the person you're looking for in this impure world. Got it?"
.
.
.
Impure world.
.
.
.
Such tough words from the 'sun in the dark' ironically felt like a heavy rainfall, quickly soaking and drowning him in this cruel reality. His previous hopes and the thin glass of his delusions shattered, confirming everything he had learned from Isuzu as real.
.
.
.
A short laugh escaped him.
.
.
.
Setsuna...the pure world...is truly gone.
.
.
.
A surge of emotions hit him, like vigorous winds slapping him and downpour flooding him. His chest felt heavy, and it's getting so much harder to breathe the thin and cold air underground. The lights and colors of the red-light district were hurting his good right eye – eventually feeling pain in his inexistent left eye, as well. The chatters of courtesans and customers were making him sick and nauseous.
With his feet as swift as lightning, and with his silence as loud as thunder, he walked away from this shitty place. The same place the rebel leader had visited with his previous Kiheitai army and with the three Joui idiots. The same place that enabled the teen to meet her. The same place where the young man had found a piece of heaven in this hell of a world, which took Shouyou-sensei, his army of volunteers, and his country away from him.
This piece of heaven came in the form of chestnut tresses, glowing ash eyes, soft pink lips, gentle steps, skilled hands, warm body, comforting arms, burning touches, passionate kisses, flowery scent, addicting taste, breathy moans, hearty giggles, genuine smiles, honest tears, soothing voice, poetic words, strong mind, loyal heart, bold soul, and an untainted name.
'Setsuna'
...
"Shinsuke..."
...
Her voice, calling out his name, echoed inside his mind, while he's escaping from this place. The same place she had hated. The same place she had battled from within. The same place, which snatched her away from him.
Fuck Yoshiwara.
Fuck everything.
He inwardly cursed everyone and everything; and it was only when he arrived at the surface that he let out an unrestrained, "Fuck!" – not even caring about the few startled men, who were approaching the gates of hell, known as Yoshiwara.
Yeah, fuck them too.
But above all else, fuck himself.
Fuck him for being late. Fuck him for being a fool, who tried to prolong whatever temporary and fleeting affair they had by procrastinating his last visit to her. Fuck him for even dreaming, while he's still stuck in a nightmare. Fuck him for daringly hoping to find solace and happiness, which someone as useless, powerless, twisted and broken as him clearly didn't deserve. Fuck him for not being strong enough to be shaken up like this.
No matter how much he tried to breathe, the tightening of his chest didn't go away. No matter how much his feet tried to go farther from entrance of the independent city, he found himself stopping in the middle of the bridge nearby – a grim idea occurring to him.
The bridge wasn't that high; but he could always slash himself with his sword before falling down. The water canal below wasn't that deep, because of summer; but a rain could let the canal flood and engulf his deeply wounded body, and drift it away from here. He's not really fond of rain. However, he now wished for rain to wash away everything, then drown him completely.
Facing up, his olive eye met dark gray – storm-like just like hers.
The evening sky was enveloped by thick clouds, with the moon and stars nowhere to be found – almost like the metallic ceiling of the land of eternal night. In accordance to his latest plans of perishing, it seemed like it would rain.
But it didn't.
As usual, the heavens weren't on his side.
"Why?", he muttered both to himself and to the heavens.
He came back to Yoshiwara to end things with his so-called lover, then end her life. So, why did she have to die even before he could?
It took a lot of conviction and courage for him to finally be prepared to kill the person he considered as lovely and precious. So, why is he so messed up right now? Why does he feel so fucked up inside? Shouldn't he be relieved that he didn't have to go through all the hassle and pain of drawing his sword and killing her himself? Shouldn't he be relieved that he had somehow killed her himself, by providing her with a child's life, eventually causing her death? Didn't he want her dead? Didn't he need her dead?
Yet why?
Why does this world keep on stealing everything away from him?
Why does a warrior like him keep on losing?
Why does a samurai like him keep on failing, when it comes to protecting?
Why?
'Why?!'
"Why?!"
.
.
.
'Because you must simply destroy.'
.
.
.
There it is.
.
.
.
'Kill, kill, and kill.'
.
.
.
The black beast in him has spoken.
The hungry beast that keeps on whining, keeping him awake at night.
Accompanying the beast were the portraits and faces of everything and everyone he has failed to protect, which all appeared inside his head like raindrops falling to the ground from the sky – drenching him yet at the same time torching him alive. The people, who knew of his nickname, Tōgyō – the first batch of his Kiheitai army. The rest of the Kiheitai members and other Joui soldiers, who were arrested then executed – beheaded for their family to see, with their blood dripping to the land, where their own ancestors were lain. The quarrels, conversations, blood, sweat, tears, and laughters he had shared with the three morons – black, brown, and silver – he had once called friends. The wisdom, skills, and care, he had learned and experienced from no one else, but the best teacher he had.
At the sight of his master – the very reason why he was continuing his fight – it was getting more difficult to control himself; and tears started welling up in his lone eye, like a lonely green leaf barely hanging on a plant and getting wet from rain.
'Shouyou-sensei...', his mind desperately called out at the image of the retreating back of the light-haired man.
Said man halted in his steps, and his head turned slightly to the side. He was headed towards a place that's too bright, that Takasugi couldn't clearly see his face. Somehow, he managed to see a smile play on his sensei's lips, before such lips started moving to say something; but no sound could be heard from him.
With clear and cold liquid actually rolling down his cheek, the yearning student internally released an aching scream, 'Sensei!'
Sadly, he still couldn't hear his sensei's voice.
Instead, the deep and harsh voice of the beast resonated even louder – dominating his mind, and causing everyone and everything in his mind disappear and be swallowed by the darkness.
.
.
.
'You haven't killed them all..so don't fucking stop now!'
.
.
.
Getting dizzy at the noisy and morphed voice, he instinctively gripped the bridge's handrail for support. Panting hard, he felt the cold wetness on the right side of his face.
In that moment, a warm breeze brushed his face.
It was as if Setsuna was wiping away his tears with her warm and tender hands once more. Her face – beautiful and understanding – materialized before his eye; and he could distinctly hear her voice – a melody, that floats above the pandemonium of the beast's roars and cries inside his mind; and a serenade, accompanied by the strumming of a shamisen's strings, that tugs the strings of his pitch-black heart and fills his empty soul.
...
"Don't. Don't look back. Just move forward."
...
Ah.
He had finally understood why she told him such line, as she wept and unusually clung to him, that time he had promised to be back after a year. She knew about her situation and the dangers that lie ahead of her, of them; and yet, she remained strong, definitely not wanting to block his way towards his goals.
Indeed, she wouldn't want him to be like this. She wanted him to push through with his plans, no matter what. She wanted him to survive and live on. She wanted him to win the war.
That's why he can't fall apart now.
Not yet.
Not until his green iris see the whole world painted red. Not until he obliterate this rotten world. Not until he destroys everything that sensei has left.
For now, he'll cheat death, just like what sensei had taught him. There are plenty of blue mountains, where his bones could be lain, so there's no need to rush in making an appointment with death. He still has a whole lot of meticulous and highly-detailed plans ahead of him.
From now on, he won't look back at the underground red-light district's direction anymore; and let his memories of the place be buried, just as how it was supposed to be from the beginning. Among these memories was not a memory, but an image of an infant with chestnut hair and green eyes his mind just came up with. Apparently, he has a name that meant 'clear skies.'
With this, he let out a low chuckle; and it almost sounded scarily-similar to the beast's voice.
Clear skies?
While he was once again impressed by Setsuna's ever-poetic nature and way with words, he can't help but think that such name was as painfully idealistic as her own; because even outside the inexistent skies of Yoshiwara, the skies were still not clear here on the surface. Besides, he was convinced that the child was probably gone, as well.
Takasugi was meant to destroy and not create in the first place, anyways.
In the end, things were definitely better for both mother and child that way; because in that way, they're now together and free in a place, that's fitting for both of their untainted names – a pure world that truly has clear skies. They were now in a place away from him and his darkness; in a place safe from the chaos and destruction, he ought to make; and in a place in the sun, full of light and life.
Ultimately, he was glad she had won her war.
With a dangerous glint in the green eye that's left of him, a broken smile was directed to the skies, as he recited the following line like a prayer,
"From the heavens, watch as I bring this entire world down with me to hell."
A/N:
Oh my! This chapter's the longest, so far! And the most difficult to write, too ;A; I mean, it's already hard to imagine Takasugi, in his bitter, emo and broken state, to be romantically involved with someone. So, it's even much harder to imagine what his reaction would be to the death of his lover, especially since he knew, from the start, that their relationship was fleeting and bound to end. And it's even much much harder (lol) to think about his reaction to Seita.
Anyway, how did you guys find his reaction?
To theEmpress09, aah, I hope you won't get scolded next time. Also yeah, things are getting busier :( So I'm sorry for being late; but still, thanks for understanding and I'll try my best!
To Mitsuki, oh right, because 'tsuki' means moon, like in Tsukuyo's~ Now, i like your name even more! :)
To TheInsectPillar, yup, time moves so fast! And I just gotta say, we're getting close to the end of this fic, aaaahh T-T
But! Again, thank you so much for appreciating this work, for understanding, and for always waiting patiently ;A; I hope y'all liked this chapter! :) Next chapter, we're gonna transition back to the present time; so please look forward to the following ones~