She's Worth It ch. 7
I don't know what I'm doing anymore or how my life managed to turn out like this but I don't like it or constantly feeling like a weakling that needs to be protected all the time. I should be able to get a grip on my shit without having to rely on others as I was taught to be a strong and independent woman that comes from a long line of hardworking women. My abuela worked three jobs to support herself and her children without knowing a single word of English while never losing herself or culture, trying to live out the American Dream that she heard so much about growing up. She was someone that I looked up to as she never cared about others thought about her, doing exactly what she believed in and I wanted be exactly like as she said whatever she wanted regardless if it hurt or not. If she could see me now, she would be so disappointed in me and the last thing that I want is to disappoint although she did stop talking to me because my feelings for girls and that she never wanted to see me again until I come to my senses.
My Mami on the other hand, still loves me despite everything that I know that I put her through growing up but I'm unsure if that still holds true since I haven't talked to her in so long as Brittany didn't allow me to talk to anyone from back home. She's so jealous and possessive, thinking that my family would turn me against her so I don't know if they would even care about me anymore, not like I deserve their forgiveness if I manage to get from under the dancer's control. I untangle myself from both girls without waking them as I walk into the bathroom to splash some cool water on my face to look myself in the mirror to see a hollow doppelganger staring back at me. I breathe in through my nose before slowly letting it go as I leave the bathroom to sit down on the bay window to see the sun rising over the city, pulling my knee up to my chest as I used to do this with my abuelo when I was younger.
I wish him so much as he would used to sleep me all these little songs in Spanish from his childhood as he wasn't much of a singer but it didn't matter because he meant something to him and he wanted to share it with me as he was a big jazz fan. He would play some for me when abuela would go off to work or play it on the old record player in the living room, pulling his sudden wife in the middle of the room to dance with him even though his leg would act up. Abuelo passed away when I was six year old leaving everything up to my abuela to take care of with three kids and four grandchildren missing him like crazy as the tears roll down my face, not hearing footsteps getting closer. I feel a pair of arms around me, someone whispering that it's gonna be okay and I want to believe them but I don't know if I can or if I should as it's a few minutes before I get my tears under control to see that it's Rachel, gently wiping away some of the stray tears.
I hate that she constantly sees me like this or looking at me with concern because she shouldn't have to worry about me or taking care of me cause it's my job to look out for me as she doesn't pressure me into telling why she found me like this. The theater student takes my face in her hands, pressing her soft lips against my forehead in a lingering kiss in an effort of letting me know that she's here for me before getting up towards the kitchen to make breakfast. I rest my head on top of my knees unsure of what I should, looking out the window for awhile when Quinn stumbles out of the room with her hair looking like a lion's mane as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes to kiss the top of my head. I look up at her with a eyebrow raised but she doesn't say anything, moving to the kitchen when the Hobbit's standing over a stove, cooking bacon as the two whisper about something but I don't bother listening as I look out the window.
I don't have much of an appetite which sucks because the food looks good but my stomach doesn't want anything more a piece of toast and a couple pieces of bacon. I could feel eyes staring at me from across the table, worrying about me but I couldn't bring myself to care when someone knocks on the door as Malibu Barbie gets up to answer it when a shrill voice fills the room. I look up to see that it practically Edward Collin's gayer and more flamboyant cousin with decent fashion sense as he look at me for a moment, sizing me up like I'm worth his time before turning his attention towards Rachel, raving about this theater production that they have to audition for.
"I don't know, Kurt. I have…" Rachel pausing for a lengthy amount of time. "I have a lot going on right now and you know that Cassie's been on my butt about dancing a lot lately. I don't think that I have the time to fully dictate myself to this play"
"I think that you should, Berry. Any opportunity to show off your talent to potential directors and agents should be your main propriety" I interject. "You're always raving about how you're going be on Broadway and when the show opens, I'll get to see whether you're full of hot air or not"
"If I may ask who are you?" Kurt asked raising an eyebrow.
"No one that you need not concern yourself with, Edward Collins" I said as Quinn tries to cover her laugher by coughing into her hand.
Rachel looks like she was unsure of what she should do as I pat her on the shoulder, letting her know that I'll be fine regardless if she does the show or not as she agrees to audition for the lead role. Lady Hummel looks pleased but his presence annoys the fuck outta me as it seems that Malibu Barbie isn't too fond of him as an awkward silence falls between us as the Hobbit gets ready to for her Advance dance class. Everything about this guy just screams I'm gay and I know everything that there is about fashion as he continues to look at me like he's trying to figure out what my angle is when the tiny diva comes out. She kisses the writer on the cheek and does the same to me as the Edward Collins looks at her with a raised eyebrow which she waves off before walking out the front door as the two of us look at each other before laughing slightly.
"Edward Collins, why did I think that?" Quinn asked laughing hard.
"I swear that he looks like that fuckboy's gayer cousin but someone needs to pulls that stick of his ass" I said shaking my head.
"I have to agree with you on that but he's Rachel's best friend and I've been trying to get along with him" Quinn said shrugging his shoulders. "But he seems to have a problem against or I remind him of the people that were asshole to him back in high school"
"So he's taking it out on you" I scoff. "What a dick. How's Berry friends with that guy I will never know. Doesn't she anything to him?"
"I don't know but she says that she's not with me for Kurt's approval and as she's happy with me then that's all that matters to me" Quinn said smiling softly.
I could see the love and adoration for the tiny diva in Quinn's eyes and it makes my heart ache painfully because it was the same way that Brittany used to look at me before she changed. In a way, I'm bit jealous of their relationship as they seem to fit together perfectly although there's no way that I'm gonna tell them that as my blonde counterpart turns on the TV along with the gaming system. She grabs both controller before tossing me one of them as she puts in Call of Duty as she press a few buttons to play one on one, looking at me with a smug look on her face as I catch onto the hint, cracking my fingers.
Game on, bitch!
We suck into the game for awhile before switching to playing Street Fighter VI as I kick her ass because I'm the champ when it comes to playing video games, growing up with an older sister was a bit of an undercover gamer. Being a bit of brat when I was younger, I was ask her to play with me but she would kick me out of her room as I went to Mami whining that Alex didn't let me to play so she was forced to let me play with her. I miss those times as I utterly destroy Malibu Barbie causing her to groan loudly, losing for the twelfth time in the last half hour as I do my victory dance to celebrate but she simply smile at me before smirking slightly. I raise an eyebrow and before I know what was happening, she has me pinned to the couch while her fingers dance along my sides as I squirm under her in attempt to get away, laughing loudly.
This continues for several minutes before it finally fuckin' stops as I'm gasping for air while at the writer who's looking at me cheekily, wrapping her arms around me as she presses her lips against my temple.
"You're beautiful when you're smiling"
"I guess but haven't had much reason to smile lately"
"Don't worry San, you'll find your reason to smile again and maybe you'll let me and Rachel in on it" Quinn said pulling back slightly.
"I don't know if I do, there's no telling whether you'll fuck it up for me" Santana said raising an eyebrow, smugly. "For reason yall like be all up in my business"
"Only because we care about you, bitch" Quinn said pushing me away with a smile.
"Yeah, yeah I know" I said running my hand through my hair.
"You okay, San?" Quinn asked furrowing her eyebrows.
"It's nothing, just thinking about something but I'm good now"
Quinn stares at me for a moment before deciding to let it go for the second as she offers me a couple of takeout menu to pick from as the only that sounds good was the Thai food place from around the corner. Malibu Barbie phoned in our order and it was more than two people could handle so she invited her friend from NYU Blaine who uses more hair gel than the entire state of New York combined. Surprisingly I found out that Hair Boy's dating Edward Collins which I proceed to ask if he putting down at all because his boyfriend's too uptight to be getting dick down on the reg causing both NYU nerd to blush controllably.
"San!" Quinn said blushing. "I don't need to know about Kurt and Blaine's sex life"
"Oh come on, you ain't a little bit curious" I said raising an questioning eyebrow.
"Well um I uh" Blaine said blushing like a ripe tomato.
In that moment, Rachel and Edward walk as the tiny diva steals some of my food before plopping next to her girlfriend.
"What have you three been getting into?" Rachel asked curious.
"Oh wouldn't you like to know" I said smirking
~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off
End of ch. 7