Natsu smiled as he looked at the open window. Today it had been one month since Lucy had moved into the apartment. That window led to the lounge room/kitchen area and boy did he love climbing it. Every time he climbed it felt like he was going home. For so long he had nothing to go home to, or a home at all for that matter.

They had fallen into a comfortable pattern within the first week of him staying there. Every morning he would go to work and Lucy would go to school. Natsu would get through as many deaths as possible to meet his quota so he wouldn't get called upon through the night. Night time was time he treasured.

He would sit on the couch and watch the television with Lucy. He found that he quite enjoyed the television. Often Lucy and Levy would eat together and he would just occupy himself. Gajeel was there but mostly stayed confined to Levy's room.

Natsu thought Levy seemed nice but he couldn't really talk to her since she couldn't see him and he couldn't go solid like Gajeel. Often she and Lucy would trade shouting for just signing against each others hands. Natsu didn't even realise that Lucy knew sign language until she had done it. He also didn't know it was even called sign language.

There was still the annoying thoughts that wedeled their way into his mind when Lucy was sleeping and he was pretending. He did his best to ignore them. He didn't need to know the specifics of what he felt for Lucy and he had no real way of knowing what his feelings were without getting more opinions. He did not want more opinions.

He like the way things were. Thinking too hard about it might change things. He didn't want anything to change, he didn't want to know the answers to questions if the answers might not be the ones he wanted. It wasn't worth the risk.

He just wanted to enjoy this while it lasted. He wasn't stupid, he knew it couldn't last forever no matter how badly he wanted it. No matter how much he ignored the fact it didn't make it any less true and no matter how true the fact was, it wouldn't stop him from trying to ignore it.

Natsu's thoughts were once again interrupted by him disappearing. Damn it. He must have one more job for the day.

The home he reappeared in was nice, or at least the bedroom was. A small old lady was in the bed, if he didn't know any better he would assume she was sleeping.

"Are you the one who will take me to my husband?" Natsu turned around to see the soul staring at him with an excited smile. He returned her smile with a warm one of his own.

"Yes. He is waiting for you." It was okay to lie. Lisanna had told him lying was sometimes for the better.

"Well then let's get this show on the road." She took his hand willingly though he could feel that she was shaking slightly.

"How long were you married?"

"Dear boy, I met my husband when I was thirteen and he was fifteen. We got married a week after I turned eighteen and we were married for fifty three years before he died."

"Wow that is a long time."

"It didn't seem long enough at the time. I lost my best friend the day I lost him. Our children and grandchildren kept me going though."

"How many children do you have?"

"I have two children and they both have to children of their own." The old lady smiled. "What about you? Do you have a wife or kids?"

"Do I look old enough to have those things?" Natsu chuckled as they walked. He couldn't see himself but in Lucy's drawing he didn't look too old. Maybe older than sixteen but not older than nineteen, or twenty if he was pushing it.

"Oh I do apologize. At my age everyone looks young and it's hard to guess ages. Well when you are old enough to have those things you will feel very happy I am sure. The day I had my son was the happiest day of my life."

"I can't have those things so I guess I'll never know." Natsu smiled but felt a pain in his chest that wasn't there before. Still the wall of light was now in front of them so at least he wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. "We are here now, tell your husband 'hi' for me okay?"

"I will, thankyou! You are truly a sweetheart. If a girl ever does snatch you up she will be a very lucky lady." The woman smiled and waved as she walked through the light.

Lucky? He didn't think so. The harsh reality was that he had nothing to offer. No kids or marriage or future. He couldn't grow old or grow up.

It reminded Natsu of a story that Lucy had read to him about a boy who would never grow up. He envied that boy. At least he had a choice.

"Lucy, what's wrong?" He walked into their room and Lucy was laying in bed looking pale and wet.

"Just a little sick. It happens to humans some times." Lucy reassured him.

"Oh. Is there anything I can do to help?" He lingered by the bed, not wanting to annoy her if she wanted to be alone.

"Yeah. Is there any chance you can rub my head? It hurts."

"Oh, yeah sure." Natsu layed down next to Lucy and proper himself up on one arm while using the other to run his fingers through her hair against her scalp. Lucy hummed and sighed as she relaxed against him. He was only doing it for about thirty seconds before she let out a giggle.

"What's so funny?" Natsu smiled.

"I was just thinking that sometimes it seems like we are an old married couple."

"An old married couple huh? And what's life like as an old married couple?" He teased.

Lucy hummed thoughtfully for a moment. " Well pretty much the same as it is now except we have kids and grandkids and stuff like that I guess."

"How many?"

"Kids or grandkids?"

"Both."

"Well we have two kids. Twins, a boy and a girl. They only have one kid each though because they hated always sharing everything."

Natsu thought about it for a moment. He closed his eyes and really picture it. He had never really thought about what it would be like to have kids before, because it's not like he could anyway. Thinking of it now filled him with a longing so bad that it hurt.

"Or we would be one of those married couples who doesn't have kids at all, just travels the world seeing everything there is to be seen. Making memories and doing lots of stupid but wonderful things." Lucy added. Did she know he couldn't have kids? Was she changing he dreams about life for him?

He thought about the two futures. Both sounded too good to be true but neither was actually possible. He couldn't travel, he had to stay where he was and collect souls. At most he could go to different towns and states but not to different country entirely. He couldn't give Lucy any kind of dream, no matter how much she altered to fit him into them.

"Lucy, do you want kids one day?"

"No, not really. My whole life I was raised to believe that my only purpose was to marry well and pop out as many kids as possible to carry on the family name. Now I have a choice in the matter and the thought of having a kids just doesn't seem like something I would want. Is that selfish?"

"No, it's not selfish."

"What about you? Do you want kids one day?"

"I couldn't have them even if I did." He did. He really did.

"Oh, Lisanna never told me that."

"Just what did Lisanna tell you?"

"Girl talk, you don't need to know." Lucy smiled and yawned. Natsu continued to run his fingers through her hair until she closed her eyes and soft snores soon followed.

The more he thought about his conversation with Lucy the more he wanted to run away. She would eventually, to go see the world with whatever husband she chose. If he beat her to the punch would it hurt less? Natsu stood from the bed and walked out to the living room. He wanted to go to the kitchen, turn on the tap and wet his face. He hated that he couldn't.

His inner turmoil was interrupted by Gajeel coughing. Natsu looked at him and seen him sitting on the couch with his arms behind his head.

"What are you doing out here? You never leave your room." He knew that he sounded rude, but screw it. He didn't care.

"I'm waiting for you actually."

"Why?"

Gajeel stood up and walked toward him, only stopping when they were standing directly across from each other. Any onlooker would think they were about to fight. Not that anyone could see them.

"I don't like owing people. Your girlfriend done me a serious solid and I want to return the favour by doing you a solid. Literally." Gajeel smirked

"What the fuck do you mean, literally?"

"I'm going to teach you how to go solid."

"You said I wasn't ready for that."

"You aren't. I think it's a terrible idea to teach you and I think you will eventually use it to break the rules. Neither of those things are my problem. My problem is that I have a debt that needs paying and this is the only way I can think of. You want it or not?"

Natsu thought about it. If he could go solid he could be seen by humans, he could go out with Lucy and protect her from pervy guys and she wouldn't have to look crazy when she held his hand. The thought of that made his chest swell and his head giddy.

"I'm fired up!"

So he added lessons with Gajeel to his routine. Every night after Lucy fell asleep he practiced. He worked until he hurt then he kept going because maybe... just maybe if he could go solid, he could be a part of Lucy's dreams after all. Even if it was only a small part, it was enough for him.

Natsu looked down a the soul. A child. He really disliked having to take children. He could the sounds of people crying but done his best to drown them out.

"I don't wanna go." The child's voice was strained and tearful. She was so small but she looked smaller once she spoke.

"I'm sorry. You have to go and I have to take you. I don't have a choice." His teeth clenched and he had to force out the words.

"But mumma! I don't wanna leave mumma. Can she come too?" The child shouted though her voice sounded so broken.

"No. She can't I'm sorry." Natsu's chest felt tight and the weight on his shoulders was enough to make him feel as though he would be crushed beneath it.

"Then I am not going!" The child ran away from him and towards a woman amongst the group of people. "Mumma! I'm here mumma!" The girl reached her arms out as she ran toward the woman, right before she passed through her. The girl looked down at her hands then to her mum before reaching her arms out to try again... and again... and again. "Mumma! Please hold me mumma! I want you to hold me mumma." The last words came out as broken sobs before the child sank to the floor and wrapped her hands around herself.

Natsu walked up to the child and put his hand on her shoulder. She didn't understand she was dead, how could she? He was just a bad man trying to take her away from her mum. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry." He bit out before he picked up the child. She tried for one last attempt to reach out and grab her mothers arm but her hand passed through it.

"Mumma! Don't let him take me mumma! Don't let him take me!" She screamed as she kicked and wailed against him.

"I'm so sorry. I don't have a choice." Natsu would have cried it that moment, if only he could cry.

Eventually the child stopped fighting and sobbed. Natsu done the only thing he could think of to sooth her. He didn't know many songs, but he knew one that he had heard Lucy sing sometimes while she looked up at the sky.

"Twinkle Twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are

Up above the world so high

Like a diamond in the sky"

He wasn't much of a singer. He knew as much. But the small a girls sobs had gone quiet and her breathing had evened out. He had helped her in the only small way her could. It wasn't much but it was something.

It did nothing to make him feel better.

Four souls later he was finally able to go home. He walked into the bedroom to find Lucy sitting in bed, above the covers and reading a book.

"Finally feeling better?" He hoped she was. Her being sick was starting to worry him. He knew nothing about human sickness of how long it lasted.

"Yeah, was just a nasty head cold. I think I'll go out tomorrow for a bit. Want to come?"

"Where are we going?" Natsu couldn't help the excitement that bloomed in his chest. He knew it would be smart to squash it down. She didn't feel like that about him. She was his best friend, hoping for more than that was just plain stupid.

"I was thinking maybe to the park, it's beautiful this time of year but it won't be that way much longer. Let's enjoy it while we can." Lucy enjoyed the little things. That much was becoming clear to him. She enjoyed the stars and flowers.

"Sure. Sounds great!"

"Okay, what book do you want to read tonight?" She smiled, walking towards her bookshelf. She really did owe more books than he ever thought one person could read.

"You pick, I picked last time."

Lucy picked a book called 'The fault in our stars'. It figured that she would pick something that had to do with stars, only that book wasn't about stars at all. It was about a teenager who got sick, found love and then her boyfriend died. He didn't enjoy the book but Lucy thought it was romantic. Natsu really didn't get how death could be romantic or sweet. It didn't make sense to him.

He tried not to think about the souls he had collected that day. He knew it was all part of the job, he couldn't let it effect him. It still did. The souls he had taken weighed on him constantly. A burden he would continue to bear for however long humanity existed.

"Natsu, this is beautiful!" Lucy exclaimed as she spun and twirled through the park. She was like a whirlwind, going from one thing to another. One moment she was still and admiring the beauty of one thing and the next she was distracted by something else entirely.

He was more than content to just watch her. She was more beautiful to him than anything the park had to offer.

He had spent many a night thinking about his feelings for Lucy. He had come to the conclusion that it didn't matter. She looked at him as a friend and so a friend he would be.

He had no idea what he would do or say if she ever wanted more, but he doubted he would ever need to anyway. He was happy with things how they were.

Lucy attempted a cartwheel and Natsu cringed when she got half way through before falling over. She just layed in the grass and laughed, so he laughed too.

Soon it was getting late, and the sun was leaving the sky to be replaced by the stars he thought were pointless.

"Is it okay with you if we stop on the way home to get something to eat?" Lucy looked at the sky as she spoke. What was she thinking about?

"Sure why wouldn't it?"

"Well you can't eat anything so I didn't want to hold you up if you had something else you wanted to do." Lucy shrugged. She looked nervous and fiddled with her hands.

"I think I am finished for the day, unless someone dies in my area all I have to do is spend time with my best friend and enjoy myself." Natsu smiled. He didn't like the way her eyes widened or the furrow that came to her brow but knew better then to question it. He was bad at understanding human emotions. He didn't want to get it wrong.

The walk to the take away was silent but he noticed it looked different from the walk to the park. The take away wad in a different direction from the apartment and Lucy knew her way better than he did. He tried to ignore her shy glances at him, he didn't know what they meant.

"I might grab something for Levy too, just in case she hasn't eaten yet." Lucy murmured more to herself than to him.

When they reached their destination Natsu waited outside while Lucy organized the food. She came out after not too long holding a few bags. He wished he could carry them for her.

He let her lead the way on the walk home. It wasn't long before Lucy broke the calm silence between them.

"What if I want to be more than just your best friend?" That stopped Natsu in his tracks. It was completely dark and only a few street lights lit their path. Nobody was around to see how crazy Lucy would look talking to thin air.

"What do you mean?" He didn't know why he whispered. The words fell from his lips and hope bloomed in his chest before he had the chance to squash it down.

"I mean, what if I wanted to be more than friends. What if I wanted to be with you... as more." Her eyes were so wide as she looked at him. If he had a heart he was sure it would be beating out of control in this moment.

"What kind of more?" He resented how desperate he sounded.

"I don't know how to explain it... Like Gajeel and Levy kind of more. Like love each other and be together always kind of more."

Gajeel and Levy kind of more... Suddenly Gajeel's words hit him fast and hit him hard, before he could stop them.

You could never marry her, or meet her family or support her or give her children. All you could do is sit around watching her grow old while you stay the same. Then one day she will die, never having really lived her life the way she could have if you'd just stayed out of it.

"Lucy." he took a step toward her and put his hand on her cheek. She leaned into his hand and closed her eyes. "You don't want that with me." Her eyes snapped open again.

"I do. You're the only one I have ever wanted it with." Tears formed in the corner of her eyes. He wanted more than anything to just take her at her words and kiss the daylights out of her.

"Lucy... with me, you would have no future. You could never have kids-"

"I don't want kids." She interrupted but he continued anyway. Ignoring the lump in his throat.

"You could never travel-"

"I don't need to!" Lucy pulled away from his hand and stomped her foot.

"You could never get married-"

"I don't need to! I don't need any of that!" The tears in the corner of her eyes now leaked down her face and Natsu hated himself for it. "If you don't love me back that's fine. I don't like it but I can live with it. Just stop making excuses and reject me." Lucy spoke through clenched teeth, he fist held right at her side's and she wouldn't even look at him.

He walked close to her and put his hand on her cheek again.

"Lucy, I do love you." He whispered and she looked up at him. He face streaked in tears. It was only when he said the words out loud that he realized how true they were.

"Then why don't you want to be with me?" She sniffled.

"Because I love you Lucy."

"I don't understand."

"Because it would take your future away from you. You would have to change so much just to accommodate me. So many of your dreams... I can't let you do it. I want to be selfish with you, but I can't. My whole existence, I have never had the luxury of wanting anything. Yet now, when I have finally found something I so desperately want, I can't even bring myself to take it... because I love you, and I can't be selfish. Not with you."

Every word he spoke caused the pain in his chest to grow but he couldn't stop them from coming out. He looked at Lucy and she backed away from him... and as she ran.

"Lucy!" He shouted as he chased her but she didn't stop. He didn't expect her to.

It was only when she ran past an ally way that he seen the man who was standing in it. Right as he grabbed her a hold of Lucy and dragged her in. She screamed but nobody was around to hear and Natsu ran as fast as he could to catch up.

If he had of been thinking he would have just vanished and reappeared in the ally, but he wasn't thinking.

By the time he reached the ally way Lucy was on the ground , unconscious as the man groped at her.

"Sweet little Blondie, you will be so much fun." The man hissed.

"Let her go!" Natsu ran up and tried to rip the man off but his hands went straight through.

"Get off of her!" He screamed so loud he could feel the tear in his throat.

He punched, he pushed he kicked.

He willed himself to go solid to no avail. The man was tearing at Lucy's clothes and Natsu couldn't do a thing about it.

Natsu grabbed his medallion and called for help. More specifically he called for Gray. Gray could go solid. Gray was his friend and had broken rules to help him before. Gajeel didn't owe him anything but Gray didn't need to... He would help.

He could see the blood starting to pool around her head. He felt the feeling of disappearing through his body but nothing was happening.

A ringing was humming in his ears and sending chills down his spine.

No.

No.

No.

He grabbed his note book from his bag and opened it to his list.

The letter "L" clearly forming on a new line.

In that moment only one thing went through his mind. Save Lucy. He had to save her. Fuck the consequences. Fuck whatever else happened to him.

If someone was meant to die then someone would die, but it wouldn't be Lucy. Not her.

Natsu crossed out the line where her name had started to form and concentrated on the man who was hurting her. When the mans name formed above his head in black letters Natsu wrote it down. Letter for letter. Until the man stopped what he was doing and collapsed, still on top of Lucy.

Gray appeared with Lisanna in tow. Both of their smiles quickly disappeared as they took in the scene infront of them.

"Lucy!" Lisanna shouted as she ran to her. Natsu stayed planted she he was. "We need to get her to a hospital."

Grays face was drained of colour as he looked at Natsu. "What did you do?"

Natsu fell to his knees in front of Gray. Everyone was ignoring the soul of the man who hurt Lucy, who seemed to be in shock from his sudden demise.

"Please help her. I'll do anything. Just get her to a hospital."

"You better tell me what happened later I swear Natsu." Gray hissed before going walking over to pick up an unconscious Lucy and running from the ally with her in his arms.

"Natsu, what happened?" Lisanna whispered but Natsu's attention was drawn the the soul standing in the corner.

"You." He hissed as ran toward the soul with his fist ready this time he knew they would connect. It wouldn't hurt but he didn't care. "You hurt her!" Punch. "You nearly killed her!" Punch. "She is my only light and you nearly took her away from me." Crack.

Natsu was panting and every work he spoke came out as an angry snarl.

"Get the fuck outta here. I'm not taking you anywhere. Your soul can rot for all I care." He panted and Lisanna looked on with a worried stare.

"Natsu... you have to take him. He will fester." She whispered

"I don't care. His name is on my list and unless I transfer it to you, it's up to me to decide what happens to him. He. Doesn't. Go. Anywhere." Natsu hissed and the soul ran away.

"Natsu... you have no idea what you have just done." Lisanna whispered but Natsu wasn't listening, he was already disappearing to the hospital. To Lucy. Nothing else mattered to him in that moment.

A/N

Hey everyone! I wanted to get this update out while I could, just incase something happens and I have to make you all wait.

So far things have been okay, we are still on alert but haven't had to evacuate. There are lots of fires that are uncontained and some at emergency level and now we have the worry of people lighting fires in the area. Why people are doing this I will never know but a few have been arrested for it.

With any luck we will stay safe but we are still prepared for the worst. My uncle lost his house already so it's all hitting pretty hard atm. Thankyou all for your support and understanding

It honestly means the world to me right now

Writing is helping keep my mind off things though so I will try and continue to keep updates coming as long as I can

Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter

Honestly your reviews are helping keep me sane right now

My thoughts and prayers are with anyone else living in Australia who is effected by these fires

Lots of love and well wishes to everyone!