The room was almost completely empty and silent. Only the beeps of the machines attached to Lucy gave background noise.

She looked so small and fragile. Everything about her screamed with how breakable she really was, from her tiny stature to the cuts and bruises that decorated her skin. Natsu couldn't be certain, but he was pretty sure that there would be even more marks in the places covered with clothes or blankets.

He watched her intently for any sign of change. He didn't tear his eyes from her for even a second. Not to blink and not to close his eyes. Every time he closed his eyes the image of her, unconscious, bleeding and helpless assaulted his mind.

His fault. This was all his fault.

If he hadn't of let her run... if he had of been strong enough to make himself solid. He could have done something. He could have stopped her from being this hurt.

Gray had practically dumped her in the ER before leaving. He didn't allow anyone to get a look of him, not even the cameras. It was like he was never there.

Smart move. Gray always was smarter than him.

Her father had visited, only to make sure it was actually Lucy. He had left only minutes after he arrived with the same disappointed expression he always wore in regards to her.

"Natsu, I can't keep covering for you like this. Not when you keep shutting us all out." Lisanna spoke. He hadn't even heard her enter the room, though that didn't surprise him much.

"I can't leave her side. I need to be here when she wakes up." His voice cracked from lack of use and he still refused to take his eyes off Lucy.

"Listen. Gray and I have been splitting your deaths between us for over a week. We have been working constantly just to cover for you and you won't even keep us updated. We haven't told anyone what happened and we have been doing out best to keep you under the radar so you can stay here. Even Gajeel has been covering for you when Erza asks questions. You owe us."

"I'll make it up to you when she wakes up. I'll make up for everything."

"And if she doesn't? Are you going to break the rules again?"

The words echoed through his mind. Would he? Would he really risk it?

Yes. Yes he would. He didn't say that though.

"I have to tell her I am sorry. I have to make it all up to her." For a moment Natsu thought he was going to cry, but that was impossible.

"Natsu, what exactly happened that night?" Lisanna touched his arm and that was all it took for him to tell her everything. How he felt and what he said. How he had broken Lucy's heart and how he hadn't been quick enough to run after her. The words poured from him like rain from the sky.

"Natsu. It's not your fault that Lucy ran. But you shouldn't have broken the rules like that. If Lucy was meant to die then-"

"How can you say that? She is your friend too, how can you honestly say that she is meant to die?" Natsu didn't have the energy to shout but that didn't stop the venom in his words.

"Do you honestly think that this is better then death?" Lisanna gestured to the still sleeping Lucy. "The world is rejecting her Natsu! What time she does have was time stolen from her mother and that man you killed. Whatever time they would have had is now given to Lucy but nobody knows how long that is. What if Lucy dies again? Are you going to keep bringing her back until she is an old lady no matter how many people have to die in the process."

Natsu tried to ignore the sense behind her words but he couldn't. He couldn't argue back no matter how much he wanted to. He was never a good liar.

"I love her." He took his eyes away from Lucy for the first time in over a week. The expression on Lisanna's face was filled with pity and he hated it.

"And other humans have people who love them too. You don't get to decide who's life is more important just because one of them is more important to you. Lucy's death is not just a possibility, it's completely inevitable and you are going to have to learn to come to terms with that. Her time is not promised she could die in a week or she could live to be a hundred. You don't know."

Natsu slammed his hand on the bed next to Lucy's. "Please... I am begging you to stop. I can't listen to this any more! I can't keep thinking about the fact I'm going to lose her... or that I almost did. What if it was your boyfriend! What if it was Bickslow laying here instead of Lucy?"

Lisanna glared and took a step back. "I have been with him longer than you have existed. Stop thinking that you love Lucy more than anyone has ever loved anyone else because that's not true. I get it you are hurting but I am trying to help you. Don't bring my boyfriend into this."

"What? You don't like imagining being in my position. I know that my love with Lucy is doomed okay? You get to spend eternity with yours and I will get another 80 years if I am lucky. Though with how things are going I doubt it will be that long. I don't need to be reminded and I really don't need to hear it when I am already worried enough that she might die here." Natsu had stopped yelling. His voice was soft and defeated and he felt as though his words were choking him. "I just wish I was human or that Lucy was like us. I would trade an eternity of existence for just one normal life with her."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I wish there was something I could do. Gray will be here soon, I didn't tell him what you done with that soul and I suggest you don't either. He has history with things like that." Lisanna looked at the ground and disappeared.

Natsu fell back into his routine of watching Lucy and letting time pass by him. He didn't need a clock to count the number of breaths she took or the number of times her heart beat. He had the noises the machines made to do that.

As he sat he thought about Layla, wherever she was. Did he make her proud when he saved Lucy again or did he just prolong the amount of time she would spend away from her daughter? Could she see him now? Could she see at all or had she faded into nothingness?

He wished he had answers to these questions. Maybe if he knew where Lucy would go when she died, it would make it easier to let her go. He could do it. He could be selfless enough to let her go and never see her again if he knew that she was going somewhere nice. Somewhere she could be with her mum. Only he didn't know that, he didn't know anything and he never would.

Sometimes nurses would come into the room to check on Lucy. Natsu didn't understand what they did but he guessed that it was important. Whatever it was didn't take long.

He felt Grays hand on his shoulder before he actually seen him. This time he took his eyes off Lucy to actually look at Gray, who's eyes were sad and understanding.

They sat in comfortable silent for a while both staring at Lucy, looking for any change at all. The twitch of a finger or the flicker of her eyelids. Nothing changed. She was a still as ever.

"You know, I get it. Why you killed that guy. I probably would have been tempted to do the same thing when I was as young as you." Gray looked at Natsu, but Natsu continued to look at Lucy.

"I know it was stupid and I know that if you or Lisanna didn't cover for me that I would be in a shit load of trouble right now. Thankyou for everything. Lucy probably would have died anyway if it wasn't for you. You broke the rules for me and I'll never be able to pay you back for it."

"Stop talking like that. All sullen and shit. Where's your fire gone?" Gray's mouth was pulled into a teasing half grin but Natsu just sighed, his shoulders slumped with lack of energy. "You know, you are a hell of a lot like me when I was your age."

"We don't age remember?" Natsu scoffed. "Besides, you were probably a lot smarter. Probably weren't silly enough to fall in love with a human and then nearly get her killed running away from you."

"Well, I one upped you there. I fell in love with a soul and watched her destroy herself."

Natsu's head snapped up to look at Gray, his friends head was hung with shame. He didn't know what to day so he just waited for Gray to continue.

"Her name was Juvia. I was tasked with collecting her soul. I was a rookie who didn't read my book, just like you. I mean how hard could it be right? Walk to soul to the barrier then move onto the next one. I didn't think about what would happen if the soul didn't wanna move on. Then I met her and she just wouldn't. She refused to go. I was lonely... so fucking lonely. I thought, what's the harm in Just letting her follow me around for a bit? She wouldn't get lost and I would have someone to hang out with."

"What happened when other people died?"

"She came with me to collect them. She was amazing with the kids, carried them and played with them the whole way. Then they would walk through and she wouldn't. She was so hard headed and stubborn. Annoying as fuck at times. But she was kind, so damn kind. I thought it would all be okay, she could just hang with me for eternity. I didn't know... I didn't understand that souls were not meant to stay amongst the living." Gray paused for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. "I thought we had forever, but we only had a few months before her souls started to become damaged. It happens at different rates for everyone but it's always inevitable. She started to rot. She became angry and before I knew it she wasn't Juvia anymore. She was like a demon... Erza had to get rid of her. Once a soul festers it becomes to tarnished to move on. It can't go to the afterlife anymore... It ceases to exist entirely."

"Fuck. I don't know what to say." Natsu whispered. He really was clueless. He didn't know how to handle situations like this. How could he possibly make Gray feel better?

"You know the worst part? There is zero chance that she still exist somewhere. At least when humans die there is a chance that their soul went somewhere better. Juvia became nothing. Everyone who would have known her would be long dead by now so even her memory is non existent." Gray reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of paper. On it, a girl with curly hair and shining eyes. A sad look on her face. The photo was black and white. "I stole this from her house. She lived alone so I knew nobody would miss it. Erza helped. She is a stickler for rules but she knew my punishment was enough. She thought I deserved at least something to help ease the guilt. It didn't ease anything but at least I know I will never forget her face or what she looked like. I wish she was smiling. I miss her smile."

"Is that the reason why you were so hard on me when I broke the rules?" Natsu looked at Gray who nodded.

"Yeah. I just... I wanted to save you a little pain. I done a shit job but at least now you know it could be worse right? At least when Lucy passes her soul will still be out there somewhere. We know that much."

"Maybe Juvia is out there somewhere too? I mean, we don't really know enough about festered souls to prove otherwise but they do create a lot of energy. That can't just disappeared. Just because there isn't proof of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist right?"

Gray gave the smallest smile and tilted his head to look from the ground to Natsu. "Thanks man. That actually helps a bit."

Natsu nodded and grinned. "Maybe I am the smart one after all."

"Nah, you're still a bit of an idiot." Gray chuckled and the too fell back into comfortable silence. Watching over Lucy.

It was that conversation that made him transfer the soul of Lucy's attacker to Lisanna who warned him that it might take a while to track down. Still he knew it was the right thing to do. After all Gray had done, Natsu didn't want to betray him by allowing a soul to turn foul. Not with the information he knew now.

It was also what prompted him to reach into his bag and take out his book. If for nothing more than to kill time while waiting for Lucy to wake up.

'A personification can not age, reproduce or die. They can not be injured by human weapons. However they can cease to exist if destroyed by another personification or if they try to enter the afterlife.'

'Destroying another personification is strictly forbidden.'

'Revealing ones self to humans is highly frowned upon.'

'A personification can not have a direct effect on the human world in front of a human unless solid state is achieved. A personification can however make limited contact with certain objects if a human is not around to see it and if it does not pose any risk of being revealed. If a human is around contact becomes even more limited unless in solid state.'

'It is a Personifications role to maintain balance between life and death. If death were to cease new life would become impossible and vice versa.'

'If in a proper solid state a personification should be able to do most things that a human can. This is so we can continue to find the most effective ways in helping them move on. If a human refuses to move on the soul will putrify and cause harm to the balance. This kind of research should only be done with approval from ones supervisor.'

'There are still things about existance and life that we do not understand. If any new discoveries are made, please report them.'

'Doing anything to throw off the balance between life and death is forbidden.'

Everything he read was boring and felt like it had been written by a robot. The books Lucy read to him were so much better. He was only on the second chapter when he gave up entirely. It felt like there was nothing he didnt already know from experience.

The sound of footsteps entered the room and Natsu's head snapped up at the sight of doctors surrounding Lucy's bed and wheeling her away. They spoke about test in words that he didn't know the meaing of.

Natsu looked around the empty room. Then pulled out his notebook to a list of names. He had been transferring them all to Lisanna and Gray but now he didn't even have Lucy to watch.

He stretched his arms and stood up from the chair. He would just do one. Just to pass the time until Lucy got back. He had to be there when she woke up.

When Natsu appeared again he was happy to see that the death wasn't a violent one. He didn't think he could handle a soul who had a violent death right now.

"Hey man. Are you lost too?" The man who spoke looked to be in his early twenties.

"What makes you think you are lost?" Natsu questioned. His curiosity and boardem getting the better of him.

"Well I am dead. I always thought that when I died there would be some kind of light for me to pass through or tunnel of some sort but I've looked and can't find anything. So how did you bite the big one?"

"Bite the big one?" Natsu raised his brow and the soul released and exaggerated sigh.

"Ya know, die, Bite the big one, Croak, go belly up. We you home schooled?"

Natsu chuckled. "I'm not dead. I am here to take you to the afterlife."

"Oh so like the grim reaper!"

Natsu opened his mouth to argue but just shook his head. "Sure. Something like that. You ready?"

"About as ready as I'll ever be. Haven't go anything better to do now." The soul shrugged and followed him.

The soul was a fast walker and the time went by quickly when they got to the wall of light.

"Wow. That looks cool, do I walk through it?"

"Yeah." Natsu nodded.

"Well thanks for showing me the way. Have a good day Grimmy boy."

Natsu cringed as the soul walked through. He sincerely hoped nobody ever called him that again. Stupid stereotypes.

When Natsu got back Lucy was back in the room. Still in the bed. Only this time her eyes were open.

"Lucy! Your awake!" Natsu got closer to pull her in for a hug, pausing when he realized her face was wet and red. "Have you been crying?"

Lucy wiped her face on the blanket. "It's nothing, don't worry. Of course I'm awake. I was in an induce coma so I wouldn't go into shock after what happened and to let my internal injuries heal. The doctors woke me up when it was safe."

"An induced coma?"

Lucy started laughing. "Sorry. I should have known that you wouldnt realize what that was. It's no big deal, don't worry about it okay?"

Natsu nodded. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was hiding something but didn't comment on it. If she wanted to tell him she would.

"Hey Lucy, is it okay if I call for Gray and Lisanna? They would love to see you."

"Of course. I'm sure they have been worried too." Lucy smiled softly but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Her eyes were different. They didn't have the same light that they normally did. Natsu chose not to comment on that too. She had been through a lot. She would talk when she was ready.

Lisanna and Gray appeared mere seconds after he called for them. The sight of Lucy awake made Lisanna tackle her in a hug. Gray was more contained. He settled for patting Natsu on the back.

It was a good thing she had a private room or everyone would have through she was crazy.

Lisanna and Lucy laughed and talked but Natsu drown out what they were saying. Instead he just watched Lucy. She talked so much with he hands and smiled. She giggled and looked almost carefree. Still there was something there that just wasn't right.

He didn't want to let it bother him. Instead he watched and treasure the way she looked when her smile creased the corners of her eyes and her nose crinkled when she laughed. He would remember this Lucy. Always. He wouldn't keep remembering her tear streaked face and her eyes filled to the brim with heartbreak. The back of her head as she ran away or when she was unconscious and covered in blood.

He didn't want to remember he like that. He didn't want to see her like that ever again.

He would make her happy. So damn happy that she would never look like that. Only like this. He made a silent promise to himself and a promise to Lucy that she didn't even know about.

The only tears she would cry because of him would be tears of joy. He wouldn't break her heart again.

A/N

Hey everyone! I am still safe and alive and the best news ever is that we had rain! It was beautiful. Sadly there was a flash flood but that wasn't even close to where I am so I am safe, (my thoughts and love to those affected) seems like Australia can't catch a break atm. At least a lot of the fires though there are still a fair bit that are put of control it gives me hope that maybe more rain will come. I really hope it does.

Please continue to give your thoughts to those in Australia affected by these fires.

To any Australian readers. I hope you are all safe and continue to remain safe.

Lots of love and well wishes to everyone xx