BOOK ONE: MIDGAR

FIFTEEN

"Marlene! MARLENE!"

I stared at the huge pile of broken metal an' stone blockin' the gate to Sector 7 and tried to keep breathin'. We'd landed down here in Sector 6 after escapin' from the pillar, endin' up fallin' into that old abandoned park that was even more of a mess now that it was before. Bits of debris was all over the place, an' the small shack sittin' behind the playground for the gate guard had jus' collapsed in on itself.

But all I could think of was Marlene. My little Marlene. I closed my eyes, seein' her sweet face. How… how could she be gone? I had saved her when she was only a baby, but now… she was… she was… I shook my head, not wantin' to finish that goddamn sentence. But the ruins of the plate was there in front of me, tons an' tons of it, an' there wasn't no one that could survive under all that.

But I didn't give a shit. Ignorin' the tears that nearly blinded me, I started clawin' at all the debris, pulling pieces of it away here and there an' grabbin' anything else I could get to an' tossin' it aside. I'd have tried to clear the whole damn sector all by myself if I could have. I didn't pay no attention to Cloud an' Tifa watchin' behind me. All that mattered to me was findin' Marlene. I jus'… I jus' couldn't bear the thought of losin' her, of never bein' able to hold her again. An' then I jus' couldn't keep it in no more. Tears was floodin' my face like a river as I dug desperately through the ruins an' screamed out her name to the sky.

"MARLENE!"

Then I thought of the others, my team, my family. They was gone, too, an' I hated it. Hated that I'd led them to this, that they'd died an' I'd never see 'em again. I couldn't stop thinkin' of how frightened Jess had been inside the pillar when I'd last seen her, like she'd known somehow what was really comin'. And I kept seein' in my mind the last time we'd all been together, standin' at the base of the damn thing before this hell had broken loose an' how tight we'd all felt in that moment. If only we'd known then what was gonna happen.

I ran back an' forth along the edge of the ruins as I called out their names. "Biggs! Wedge! Jessie!"

Memories filled my mind then, images of the good times we'd had. Me an' Biggs in the bar kickin' back with a couple of beers at the end of a long day, an' Tifa an' Wedge helpin' me peel him up off the floor after he'd gotten himself plastered. How he'd spiked Wedge's punch that time at his birthday party this year, an' how Wedge had spent half the night flirtin' shamelessly with Jess and Tifa when if he'd been sober, he'd have been too shy to even think about talkin' like that with a girl. I saw how happy Jess had been when I'd first asked her to join us, like she'd finally found someplace she belonged an' believed in. She'd been the brains of our little outfit, Biggs was the brawn, an' Wedge was the heart. But now they was all gone. I still… I still couldn't believe it.

"Goddamn it!" I smashed my fist into a piece of busted metal, rage swirlin' in my gut now. "Damn it! DAMMIT ALL!"

Them Shinra bastards had already taken so damn much away from me, an' now they'd taken even more. Those kids hadn't deserved to die, an' Marlene, she… she hadn't, either. She'd been my sweet lil' angel, jus' four years old, but now… now she was gone, too. I was never gonna see her grow up now, or carry her on my shoulder again like I always used to. And as I thought of those things, the fury jus' kept buildin' up in me 'til it felt like I was gonna explode.

Then I jus' couldn't take it no more. I whipped up my gun-arm an' started shootin' at the mountain of busted crap that was all that was left of Sector 7. Bullets sparked off pieces of metal an' concrete, but I didn't give a shit. All I saw was what I'd lost, an' I kept on shootin' for a while, ignorin' Cloud an' Tifa's protests as they told me to stop.

But I jus' couldn't. I'd lost too much, and even though I was almost blinded by my tears, I kept shootin' at the rubble, ventin' my rage until finally there was a bunch of clicks as I hit empty. In the sudden silence, I blinked, the anger fadin' but my heart still feelin' like some goddamn Shinra fool had stuck a knife in it.

"What the hell's it all for?" I muttered. "Goddamn…"

I didn't know anymore. I jus' didn't know.

After Cloud and I helped Barret to calm down, we led him over to the playground. He sat at the bottom of the slide while I stood next to him, guilt and grief filling every thought. Cloud was off to the side, lost in thought, but I could see pain reflected in his eyes even as the rest of his face was as cool and composed as it so often was. I knew that losing Jessie had hurt him more than he let on, and he must have also been as worried about Aerith as I was.

But my own eyes kept returning over and over to the massive ruins of the place that had once been our home. No, I corrected myself. That place was gone, crushed beneath the immense weight of the destroyed plate that had fallen upon it. Now all of it lay in shambles.

And it was all our fault.

The words kept repeating themselves again and again in my mind, and I found I couldn't argue with them. We had fought so hard to save this place, these people that were now dead and gone, but we… we had failed. We had barely been able to even save ourselves, and I wondered if maybe we should have just stayed there and died as well, if maybe we didn't deserve it. If we hadn't struck against Shinra, they wouldn't have dropped the plate and killed so many people. At least, that's what I had thought at the time. I know better now, though.

But it's still so hard to let it go.

"Marlene…" Barret wept.

Then I remembered. "Barret? Marlene is… I think Marlene is safe. Just before they took Aerith, she told us, 'Don't worry, she's alright.' She was probably talking about Marlene."

"R-Really!?" his face brightened immediately, then he looked down again. "But… Biggs… Wedge… Jessie…"

Cloud finished that thought, trying to sound calm and composed, but I could hear the slight tremor in his voice as he spoke. "All three of them died in the pillar…"

"Think I don't know that? But we, all of us fought together. I don't wanna think of them as dead!"

"I know, Barret," Cloud sighed. "Neither do I. But they are."

Barret didn't respond at first, but then he looked at us, his eyes full of grief and loss. "How…How did they die?"

I had known he would ask that sooner or later, but still, it was hard to talk about. But he deserved to know, so Cloud and I told him. He sat and listened as we told him how they had each sacrificed themselves so we could get to him in time and stop Shinra from destroying the pillar. And I realized that although we hadn't been able to save Sector 7, their loss hadn't been for nothing.

"We wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for them," I said.

Cloud nodded. "If we had gotten caught up fighting those soldiers, we would never have escaped when the plate came down."

"They went out fightin',' Barret breathed. "An' they saved your lives an' Marlene's while they was at it. I… I can live with that."

I swallowed. "But the other people in Sector 7…"

"This is all screwed up! They destroyed the whole sector jus' to get to us! They killed so many people…"

"Are you saying it's our fault?" I asked. Guilt still plagued my mind, but to hear him say it was something else. "Because AVALANCHE was here? Innocent people lost their lives because of us?"

He shook his head and stood up. "No, Tifa! That ain't it! Hell no! It ain't us! It's the damn Shinra! It's never been nobody but them! They're evil an' destroyin' our world jus' to build their power an' line their own damn pockets with gil! If we don't get rid of 'em, they'll kill the Planet! Our fight ain't never gonna be over until they're gone!"

"I don't know…"

"What don't you know?" Barret growled. "You don't believe me?"

I sighed. "It's not that. I'm not sure about… me. My feelings."

I knew Shinra had to be stopped, but I at the same time, I couldn't dismiss how responsible I felt for what had happened here, for the loss of life that had occurred. I remembered telling Cloud just the other day about how trapped I had felt as the harsh reality of what we were doing became so clear and about the doubts I'd had even then. And now, they had just been justified in the most horrible way possible.

Barret grunted and looked at Cloud. "An' what about you?"

Cloud didn't reply. He simply started walking, heading toward the other exit and the old highway beyond it. At first, I didn't have any idea what he was doing or where he was going. What was he thinking? Why had he just gone off like that?

"Where's he think he's goin'?" Barret wondered.

Then it hit me. "Oh! Aerith!"

"Oh, yeah. That girl. What's up with her?"

"I don't really know," I shrugged, realizing I didn't know that much about her. "but she's the one I left Marlene with."

"Damn! Marlene!" He started to hurry after Cloud, then turned to look at me. "Tifa. There ain't no turnin' back now."

And then he was gone, and I was alone in the park. For a moment, I looked back at the immense ruins of what had been a bustling part of the city just two hours ago. Now it was just a mountain of debris and a tomb for those who had died when it fell. Guilt still festered within my heart, and I knew it would be a long time before I would ever really be free of it. It still hurts to think about it even today, but… maybe talking about it, confronting it, is the only way to really deal with it. With that in mind, I think that maybe telling our story is becoming something as much for us and for our own healing as it is for all of you. Maybe that's what Nanaki really intended all along.

Turning away from the ruins, I followed Barret out of the park.

"Cloud!" Barret called from behind me. "Take me to Marlene!"

I stopped just a short distance into the broken highway Aerith and I had traveled through not so long ago. Now she was gone, taken by the Shinra, but I sure as hell was going to get her back. I hated that I hadn't been able to save Jess—it burned in my heart like an open wound—but I couldn't afford to dwell on that loss now. Aerith needed me, and I was her bodyguard and had sworn to protect her and keep her safe. It was a promise I intended to keep. But…

"You're going to help Aerith?" Tifa asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. But before I do that, there's something that I have to know. Something about her…"

"What's that?"

"It's about the Ancients," I answered.

Reno had mentioned it first, back in the church when he and his thugs had been chasing after us, and then in the pillar, that other Turk had said it as well. Aerith was an Ancient. But what did it mean? There was only one other Ancient that I knew of, and at the thought of him, I felt that old fury rising up in me again. And then, as if the thought had summoned him, I suddenly heard his cold, mocking voice in my mind as pain exploded within it like I'd taken a sledgehammer to both of my temples. I clutched my head as I collapsed and the words whispered to me across the darkness of my thoughts.

"Through my veins courses the blood of the Ancients. I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet!"

"Sephiroth…?" I shook my head, trying to clear my mind.

Tifa nudged my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Pull it together, man!" Barret added.

I nodded and let Tifa help me get up, and then I led her and Barret down the old highway. I knew exactly where to go, where Aerith would have taken Marlene. There was only one place that made sense. I'd also get some answers there, I was certain.

Elmyra didn't seem at all surprised to see us about twenty minutes later when I knocked on her door. She let us in without a word, and we stepped inside the house. At first, none of us said anything. I wasn't all that sure where to start, to be honest. But it was Elmyra who broke the silence as she looked at me.

"Cloud, wasn't it?" she asked. "It's about Aerith, isn't it?"

I sighed. "I'm sorry. The Shinra have her."

"I know. They took her from here."

So that was why Elmyra had been expecting us. I found I wasn't as surprised as I thought I'd be. "They were here?"

She nodded. "That's what Aerith wanted."

What she had wanted? Why would Aerith have just let Shinra take her after doing her best to evade them for so long? I didn't understand it. But more than that, there was something else. Something I had been wanting to know for some time now. I had never pressed Aerith about it before, but with her being held by the Shinra, I couldn't avoid asking about it anymore.

"Why is Shinra after Aerith?" I asked.

"Aerith is an Ancient," Elmyra explained. "The sole survivor."

Barret scratched his darkly bearded chin. "What did you say? But aren't you her mother?"

Elmyra shook her head. "No. Not her real mother, anyway. It must have been fifteen years ago, during the war. My husband was sent off to the front. Some faraway place called Wutai."

We all sat down at the table as we listened to Elmyra tell her story. "One day, I went to the train station because I got a letter saying he was coming home on leave. But my husband never came back. I wondered if something had happened to him, then decided that his leave had just been canceled. I went back to the station every day hoping I would see him, but I never did."

"Then, one day, I found a young woman lying on the steps leading onto the platform, and sitting next to her was a little girl. It was Aerith. She was crying because her mother was badly hurt. She was dying. You used to see this kind of thing a lot during the war. Her last words were, 'Please take Aerith somewhere safe.'"

"My husband never came back, and I had no child. I was lonely. So I took her home with me. Aerith and I became close very quickly. That child loved to talk. She would talk to me about everything. She told me how she had escaped from a research laboratory of some kind and that her mother had already returned to the planet, so she wasn't lonely."

Barret blinked. "Returned to the planet?"

"I didn't know what she meant," Elmyra answered. "I asked if she meant a star in the sky, but she said that it was this planet. Aerith was a mysterious child in many ways."

"What do you mean?" Tifa wondered.

"Well, one day, she told me not to cry. She just blurted it out all of a sudden. When I asked her if something happened, she said, 'Someone dear to you has just died. He was on his way to see you, but he's already returned to the planet.'"

"At the time, I didn't believe her. But several days later, we received a notice saying that my husband had died. I cried for what seemed like hours, that letter in my hand. And that was it. A lot had happened, but we were happy. Until one day…"

"He showed up when Aerith was eight. Tseng, one of the Turks. He wanted Aerith to go back to Shinra with him. He told her that she was of a very special blood, that her real mother had been an Ancient. That was when I found out. Tseng told us that the Ancients would lead us to a land of supreme happiness and that Aerith would be able to bring joy and happiness to everyone in the slums."

"But I didn't trust him one bit, and neither did Aerith. She refused and insisted that she wasn't an Ancient. She said she didn't hear voices when she was alone. But I knew. I knew of her mysterious powers. She tried so hard to hide it, so I acted as though I never noticed."

As Elmyra finished her story, I found myself admiring Aerith even more. "It's amazing how she's avoided the Shinra for all these years."

"They need her," Elmyra shrugged. "So I'm guessing they wouldn't do anything to harm her."

"But why now?" Tifa asked.

Elmyra looked at her. "She brought a little girl here with her. Tseng found them on their way here. She wasn't fast enough to escape, so she decided to go the Shinra in exchange for the little girl's safety."

"Marlene…" I reasoned.

Barret practically jumped out of his chair, his eyes wide. "Marlene! Aerith was caught because of Marlene!?"

Elmyra nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid so."

"I'm sorry," Barret sighed, seeming to deflate right before our eyes. "Marlene's my daughter. I'm really sorry…"

"You're her father!? How in the world could you ever leave a child alone like that!?"

Barret slowly met her gaze. "Please don't start with that. I'm always thinkin' 'bout what might happen to Marlene if I, well… But you gotta understand somethin' 'bout all this. I don't got any answers. I wanna be with Marlene, but I gotta fight. 'Cause if I don't, the planet's gonna die. So I'm gonna keep fightin'! But inside, I'm always thinkin' of her. I jus' wanna be with her… always. See? I'm goin' in circles now."

"I think I understand," Elmyra smiled gently at him. "She's upstairs asleep. Why don't you go and see her?"

The words were barely out of her mouth by the time Barret started climbing up the stairs to do just that. I supposed I couldn't blame him. I was glad that Marlene was alright, too, and I figured I'd even see her myself in a minute. But I didn't like how downcast Tifa looked. She just sat there at the table, staring blankly at it but not seeming to see it, her reddish-brown eyes wet and haunted. It wasn't like her at all, but then, we had just endured a massive failure and a terrible loss. My heart still ached as well, and I wished I knew how to help her.

"It's all my fault," she murmured without looking up. "I was the one who got Aerith involved in this."

Elmyra shook her head. "Don't say that. Aerith doesn't think so."

"Tifa," I added. "You remember what she told us in Corneo's place? She knew the risks and what she was getting into."

Tifa sighed. "I know. But if she hadn't gone in there to help me, she wouldn't' have ended up with us at the pillar."

"If she hadn't, Marlene wouldn't be alive now."

"Thank you, Cloud," Tifa managed a weak smile for a moment, but it faded quickly. "But what about everyone else in Sector 7? We tried to save them, but… we couldn't. I just… I feel so depressed."

I got up from my chair, took her shoulder for a moment, then went upstairs to see Barret and Marlene. I found them in Aerith's room, and when I saw him crying over her and holding her so long and so tight it seemed like he would never let go, I turned around and started to walk away, not wanting to intrude on them. But before I got very far, Barret heard me and called after me.

"You gonna go help Aerith, right?" he said. "She's done so much for me. If the Shinra're involved, I ain't stayin' here! I'm comin' too!"

Then Marlene ran up to me, a big smile on her face, and I couldn't help thinking about how shy she'd been back at the bar when I had first met her. "Guess what? Guess what? Aerith asked me a lot of questions. Like what kind of a person you are. I bet she likes you, Cloud!"

I knelt so I was at eye level with her and smiled. "Let's hope so."

"I won't tell Tifa," she said, although I didn't have any idea what she meant by that. She went on. "Please bring Aerith back!"

"I will, Marlene," I promised.

Before I knew it, she was hugging me, and then she let go as Barret tousled her hair before following me into the hall. We went downstairs, and I saw that Tifa hadn't moved, and neither had Elmyra.

I knew what we had to do next, but we were all still too strung out to do it yet. Barret was putting on a tough front, but I knew that losing the others was killing him, as was our failure at the plate. And Tifa was inconsolable. As for me, I found my thoughts returning to Jess. It killed me that I had lost her, that she was dead. I kept seeing in my mind how she'd been shot, how she had fallen, her body broken and dying. And I felt responsible for our inability to stop Shinra from dropping the plate and killing so many people. My thoughts echoed Tifa's words to Barret in the park, that maybe Sector 7 and its people would have been spared if we just hadn't been there.

How could we possibly save Aerith in the state we were in?

Elmyra looked knowingly at us. "Aerith told me about the Sector 7 plate before she was taken from us, about what Shinra was trying to do, and I heard it come down. I know that you did everything you could to prevent it. Don't blame yourselves for what happened."

"It… It ain't jus' that," Barret sighed. "We lost three good friends of ours, too. Some of the best I ever had…"

Elmyra went to him. "I'm very sorry, Barret. I know how hard it is. But please try to understand, you all won't be any good to yourselves or Aerith unless you can pull yourselves together and get your heads back on straight again."

"How do we do that?" Tifa asked.

"It might help if you could give your friends a proper goodbye. We can put something together for them if you'd like. Out in the backyard with the flowers, perhaps. If you bring me some of the blossoms, I can make a nice arrangement to go out there."

Barret swallowed and blinked away sudden tears. "Thank you. I… I'd really like that. But what about Aerith? Shinra's got her now. I know you're worried about her, an' we mean to help her an' get her outta that place jus' as soon as we can."

"She's not in any immediate danger," Elmyra said. "They won't hurt her. And she would want you to do this, too."

Knowing her as I did, I knew Aerith would insist on it. And I knew Elmyra was right. Taking a little time to grieve and say goodbye would help clear our heads and our hearts and prepare us for what came next. We had to help Aerith, but first, we had to help ourselves.

While Tifa and I went out to the backyard to gather flowers, Barret left to search the junk piles for something he could use to make a sign. It didn't take long, and we were just bringing Elmyra armfuls of bright yellow blossoms when Barret returned with a board, a narrow wooden beam, and some nails. The wood was a bit rough around the edges but otherwise still usable.

I handed the flowers I was carrying to Elmyra, who along with Tifa and Marlene got started working on the arrangement while Barret and I put together the sign. While I held the pieces steady for him, he used the bottom of his gun-arm as a hammer to fasten them in place. Then I watched as he took a knife in his good hand and etched a message into it. And I realized then why the writing on his AVALANCHE signs had always looked so bad. He'd been writing with his left hand when he was right-handed. But his left was the only one he had now, and as it wasn't his strong hand, his writing with it wasn't as good.

A short time later, we all went to the backyard. We didn't really say anything, but we didn't need to. I held the sign by the post while Barret pounded it into the ground until it stood on its own, and then the girls carefully placed the flowers at its base. But it still seemed to be missing something. My hand slid into my pocket and closed over a soft strip of cloth. Jessica's headband. I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering her and hearing her voice echoing in my mind.

"Damn! My leg's stuck!"

"I… I just wanted to say thank you… for saving my life…"

"H-Hey, Cloud! You want to look at this with me?"

"I like this kinda thing. Bombs, monitors… you know, flashy stuff."

"How about I whip up a special ID for you?"

"I… I think you've really lit my fuse!"

"Am I… am I a bad person, Cloud?"

"Be careful, okay? I just… I don't want anything to happen to you."

"It's… only fair… that I save you… once in a while…"

"Least I could do… for the man I love…"

"When you… saved me… back… in Reactor 1… you caught… more than my hand. You also got… my heart…"

"We're just a… pair of firecrackers… aren't we?"

"Promise me… you'll keep fighting. That you'll… stop Shinra."

"You… have to let me go…"

"Goodbye…"

Opening my eyes again, I took out Jessie's headband, gazed at it for a long moment, and then tied it around the signpost. After I was done, I stepped back, and we all stood there and looked at the little memorial in silence, Marlene holding Barret's hand as Tifa's slid into mine. I read what Barret had written, committing the words to heart:

Biggs [ μ ] εуλ 1987 - [ ν ] εуλ 0007
Wedge [ μ ] εуλ 1988 - [ ν ] εуλ 0007
Jessie [ μ ] εуλ 1985 - [ ν ] εуλ 0007

Died fightin' for the planet
Fought to save Sector 7
Gone but ain't never gonna be forgotten

Barret said a few halting, broken words, his face wet with the tears he made no effort to hide, and Tifa's was in pretty much the same state. But I couldn't. I didn't understand it. My eyes were just locked. I hated that we'd lost Jess and the guys and it hurt like hell even though I'd only really known them a few days. A lot had happened in that short stretch of time, to all of us, and it had drawn us together. When I had gone on that first mission with them, I had never thought we'd become friends. But what you expect isn't always what happens.

I had just started to get to know them a little, but now… now they were gone. I wished I had spent more time with them when I'd had the chance, but I had been too wrapped up in myself when I had first met them, in those weeks before we took out Reactor 1. Now, though, all I wanted was to have them back, Jessica most of all. But I couldn't. They were gone, and I hated it. My heart ached as I thought of Jess and what we might one day have had together, and pain filled me as I thought of the guys and the friendships that had been cut short.

But as I stood there and gazed at the memorial we had made, I felt my resolve to save Aerith and stop Shinra grow firmer, easing the pain of my grief somewhat. I felt like I could focus now on what I had to do, and as I glanced at the others, I saw the same thing in their eyes and in the way they each straightened up and released a long, slow breath as if expelling some of their inner turmoil.

Slowly, the others walked away, but I lingered for a moment longer, still gazing at the memorial and thinking of Jessica and the guys. Then I crouched down, letting the pleasant aroma of the flowers fill my nose as it lifted the weight from my shoulders. Before I stood back up, I said a few quiet words of my own, remembering the promise I had made to Jess before I'd been forced to leave her behind.

"You did your part, guys. You fought your battles. Now it's time for me to fight mine. So don't worry. I'll take it from here."

Straightening up, I reached out and put my hand on top of the sign for a moment and nodded. Then I turned to head back to the house to prepare for our rescue operation and found Tifa waiting for me a short distance away, her eyes dry and clear and a small smile on her face. She took my hand without a word, and together we left the garden and the memorial, ready now to go and save Aerith.