Chapter Twenty-One:
Pidge paused in reaching for a tool at hearing the sound of tapping at their door. They unfolded their legs, stood up, then carefully navigated the junk piles to their bedroom door.
Pidge blinked in surprise to see Shiro standing there, looking just as tired as he did when they left him after the movie. They had figured he had gone to his room and to sleep already.
"I figured you'd still be up." He said simply.
"Usually." Pidge admitted. They stepped aside. "Wanna come in?"
Shiro did so and Pidge encouraged him to sit on the bed while they resumed their seat in their desk chair.
"Can it be fixed?" Shiro asked Pidge, looking at what lay on the desk behind them. Pidge glanced behind at the Galra arm and nodded.
"Yeah," Pidge said. "It'll take a day or two, though. Sorry about that."
"Not your fault." Shiro said with a shrug.
Pidge studied him for a moment, once again seeing Shiro struggle to keep his eyes open.
"Are you feeling alright?" They asked.
"Bit off balance, but no pain." Shiro said.
"That's good, but you look exhausted. Like you could pass out here and now. Why aren't you in your bed, asleep?" Pidge asked.
Shiro hesitated, the fingers of his left hand playing aimlessly with the edge of Pidge's blanket.
"I'm not that tired." He insisted.
Pidge stood up and crossed over to sit on the bed beside him.
"You came in here because you knew I'd still be awake." Pidge said. "Everyone else has gone to sleep already. Is something bugging you? Wanna talk?"
"I think I was just a bit lonely." Shiro admitted. "I knew you'd be awake and working on something, and I hoped you wouldn't mind me hanging around."
"I don't." Pidge said. "But, seriously, Shiro. You need sleep. Like, really bad. I'm actually surprised you didn't fall asleep during the movie."
"I almost did." Shiro said. "But, as soon as I got back to my room and into my bed… I couldn't sleep at all. I was still incredibly tired. I just couldn't fall asleep. So I stopped trying and came to find you."
"Because I'm the night-owl around here." Pidge said with a nod. "Or, night-pigeon, if you ask Lance."
"That, and… I remembered something you said, before we went back to Earth." Shiro said.
"What did I say?" Pidge asked, confused and struggling to remember.
"You said I had two options: either find a way to sleep on my own, or be at the bottom of a cuddle pile every night." Shiro said, smiling faintly. "And, I realized something. Why I have trouble sleeping." His mouth twisted in a grimace. "Well, maybe remember is a better way of putting it."
"Remember?" Pidge repeated in a soft whisper, brow furrowing, suddenly worried. Shiro nodded, then said,
"It's not necessarily bad. Or, all bad. It's just… Before Kerberos, I could count on one hand the times I slept in a room by myself. When I was born, my parents were renting this small apartment in the city. It was one bedroom, so their room was also my nursery. We moved to a two-bedroom apartment shortly after Shinji was born, and we shared that room. When we moved to America, we shared a room. When I went to the Garrison, Matt was my roommate. Even going to Kerberos, our bunks were all close together.
"After… After the Galra captured us, we were thrown into a cell with other prisoners. After I started fighting in the arena though… I never really knew where I would end up after a fight. If I was back in a crowded cell, I usually could sleep. Not for long, and it was never really good sleep, but it was sleep. People were either too scared of me or respected me too much to come too close, but there was some sort of safety there as well, if that makes any sense. But if I was in a cell alone… I couldn't sleep. I was on high-alert constantly. I don't remember exactly why, and I don't think I want to."
"Oh, Shiro…" Pidge said, wrapping their arms around him, hugging him tight. "I'm so sorry. Did it… Did it all comeback at once? Like a flashback?"
"No. It was coming back a little at a time. I realized that I actually slept through the night on Earth, and at first I thought it was because for the time we were safe and I didn't have to worry about Zarkon attacking and that sort of thing. But I also realized that every night, I had slept in a hotel room with my parents and siblings. It wasn't exactly a big cuddle pile…"
"But you weren't alone." Pidge said with a nod. "Well, now that we know what the problem is, and what fixes the problem, we can find a long-term solution."
"Such as?" Shiro asked, arching an eyebrow.
"I dunno. Sleep-overs, I guess."
"Pidge, it's not really fair to ask everyone to have a sleep-over every night because I can't sleep."
"Oh, come on, it'd be fun. We could do make-overs and have pillow fights." Pidge said with a teasing smile before becoming serious again. "But it doesn't have to be all of us, either. One of us could just go into your room with you or something. I'm sure there's cots or sleeping bags around the Castle somewhere…"
Shiro was quiet, and for a moment Pidge wasn't sure if he fell asleep, so they carefully tilted their head up to look at him to check. He was still hanging on to wakefulness, if barely.
"I can't." Shiro said. "I can't do that."
"Why?" Pidge asked. Shiro stayed quiet, but opened his mouth once to answer before closing his mouth again. Pidge started to fill in the blanks out loud: "Is it because you're the team leader? You don't want to ask for help? Don't want to feel like you're burdening the team or a liability?"
"I don't know why I came in here." Shiro said, starting to get up. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you all this. It's my problem, not yours, not the team's."
Pidge grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the bed.
"It may be your problem, but that doesn't mean you have to deal with on your own." Pidge said. "We're your team. We deal with everything together."
"It's just, I guess I'm a bit embarrassed by this, that's all." Shiro said, not looking at Pidge, but not making another move to get up. "The big, fearless leader Black Paladin can't sleep at night. I'm afraid of all the monsters under my bed, like some little kid. I can't… I don't want to be seen like that. Don't want to admit that I'm… I'm bringing down the team with all of my issues."
Pidge reached up and gently rubbed his shoulder.
"Shiro, don't be embarrassed, about this or anything else. I'm not a psychologist or therapist, but you definitely have PTSD. I did a project on it for psych class once, and trouble sleeping is one of the symptoms. In space, you don't have the traditional resources readily available to treat it, so finding alternative ones is very important, but you don't need to be looking for those alone. And, all things considered, you're doing pretty well. No one sees any of these things—the PTSD, the memory problems, the insomnia, the flashbacks, all that and more—as a burden, nor does anyone see you as weaker because you need help sometimes. But, just because you're team leader and Black Paladin, that doesn't mean you're supposed to be invulnerable and invincible all the time. That's not fair to you, or the team. You don't bring down the team. If nothing else, you make it stronger. You do so much for all of us every day. You help us with all of our own problems and get us to work together, to bond together. Let us return the favor every now and again, okay? And remember how I told you my Dad always said that his crew was like family? That's our team. We're family. Family means helping each other through their problems, no matter how big or small. That is how teams work. That's how family works. That's how people who—"
Pidge cut themself off with wide-eyes, quickly diverting their gaze to their lap, trying hard not to blush.
That's how people who love each other work.
"That's how people who suddenly have a bond with giant robot space lions work." Pidge finished quickly. "I mean, I guess. That's seems to be what happens. We don't really have many other examples, we're only the second generation of Paladins, but—"
"Pidge?" Shiro whispered.
"Y-Yeah?" Pidge said, daring to look up. Shiro gave them a small smile.
"Thanks." Shiro said.
Pidge smiled and gave him a quick hug.
"No problem." They said. They released him again and said, "What do you say? Just for tonight? We'll try the whole sleep-over thing and see if it works. Got to test this hypothesis."
"I would say no, but I don't think I'll be able to get back to my room without passing out." Shiro said with a nod. Still, he started to shift off the bed again. "Though I may have to, unless you have any extra pillows or blankets?"
"Wait, why?" Pidge asked.
"So I can sleep on the floor?"
"Why are you going to sleep on the floor?"
"Because I'm not taking your bed from you?"
"Shiro, neither of us are sleeping on the floor."
"Well, we both can't sleep on the bed."
"Why not?" Pidge demanded.
"B-Because?" Shiro said, blushing some.
"I don't mind." Pidge said with a shrug. "We've slept in close quarters before. Aforementioned cuddle piles."
"That is very different." Shiro insisted.
"Is it because I'm a girl, and if anyone sees you leaving my room tomorrow morning, eyebrows are going to get raised?" Pidge asked bluntly.
"Well, not exactly, but close. I just figured you didn't exactly want someone else sleeping in your bed with you."
"Because it's not proper for a man and a designated-female-at-birth person to lay in the same bed together, unwed and alone?" Pidge asked teasingly, now grinning as Shiro's face kept turning red. Shiro struggled for words and Pidge laughed once before saying, "Okay, look. You and I both know nothing is going to happen except actual sleep. Whatever we tell people in the morning, they'll believe, because it's us."
And because everyone knows I have absolutely no shot with him./em Pidge thought to themselves. emExcept Keith, but Keith also swears he once saw Owlman near the dumpsters of the McDonald's he used to work at, even though Owlman lives in England, not the American Southwest. Plus that McDonald's has always been a bit shady. So, Keith shouldn't count.
Shiro was still hesitant, so Pidge sighed.
"Just lay down, Takashi, and go to sleep already." They said. "Everything's going to be fine."
"I'd say you twisted my arm into it, but considering you actually have my arm on your desk..." Shiro said, glancing over at said arm. Pidge laughed and got off the bed to turn off the lights and put their glasses in a safe spot. When they got back to the bed, Shiro was laying down, holding back the blankets with his left hand for them. They gladly climbed in. Pidge didn't mean to, but immediately snuggled in against Shiro, who wrapped his arm around them.
"You're so warm…" Pidge said. "I usually sleep with, like, three blankets, but I don't think I'll need them tonight."
"Glad to be…" Shiro started to say, but cut himself off with a yawn, then tried again. "Glad to be of service. Good night, Katie."
"'Night, Takashi." Pidge mumbled, eyes sliding shut.
Both slept very soundly after that.
"Up! Get up!"
Lance groaned and reluctantly lifted his head to look at Allura through sleepy, half-lidded eyes.
"'Llura?" He mumbled. "Good mornin' to you, too, Princess."
"Whuzgonnaon?" Keith mumbled from where his face was pressed into Lance's back.
"Get up, now! Both of you!" Allura said, tapping her bare foot, looking both very regal and intimidating in just her nightgown and robe.
"Why?" Lance groaned, gently moving Keith's arms around him as he pushed himself to a seated position. "What's wrong? Why aren't the alarms blaring?"
"Something wrong with the Castle?" Keith asked as he crawled past Lance to grab his shirt at the end of the bed, a bit more awake now.
"No. Coran came to wake me up a few minutes ago, and we have a problem. I need all hands on deck to solve it." Allura said. She took a deep breath, and said, "Shiro's missing."
"What?" Lance and Keith said, both instantly wide awake and scrambling.
"What happened?" Keith asked, quickly tugging his shirt on.
"As I said, Coran came to wake me up; he was going to check on Shiro, but his room is empty!" Allura said.
"Think he's still in the Castle?" Lance asked.
"Possibly." Allura said. "We just need help searching. Coran went to wake Hunk, and then go make sure none of our prisoners somehow escaped without our knowing. Keith, join Hunk and Coran, they should be waiting at the end of the hall for you. Lance, I want you to check the training areas."
"On it, Princess!" Lance said with a salute before tugging his sneakers on as Allura breezed out of the room.
"There goes all hope that Shiro got a full-night's sleep for once." Keith said with a frown as he grabbed his knife and bayard off of Lance's desk.
They got into the hall to see that Lani, Tali and Shinji had also been awoken to join in the search.
"Pidge?" Keith asked, noting the lack of the Green Paladin.
"Stars only knows where Pidge is, where they fell asleep." Allura said with a sigh. "To save time, I sent the mice to find Pidge and lead them to me. Alright, Coran, Hunk and Keith, go check the cyropods. Lance, I want you to check the training decks. Lani, the kitchen and dining hall. Tali, I want you to—"
However, Allura cut herself off in the middle of giving out directions to see one of the mice tugging on the hem of her nightgown, then brought its hands up around its eyes, cupping them to look like glasses.
"You found Pidge?" Allura asked, looking down at the little blue mouse, scooping down to pick it up on her hand. The mouse chittered. "Oh, they're in their bed."
"Pidge can actually get to their bed?" Hunk said with mock-surprise.
"Pidge knows where their bed is?" Lance said with even greater mock-surprise.
The mouse in Allura's hand quickly reached up and mused the fur on the top of its head, fluffing it so that it resembled a very familiar hairstyle, then started moving as if fighting something, primarily using its right arm.
"And… You found Shiro, too?" Allura said, shoulders sagging in relief.
"Where is he, then?" Shinji asked with a frown.
The little blue mouse indicated to Allura to put them down, and the little mouse scurried down the hall, being closely followed.
To everyone's confusion, the mouse stopped in front of Pidge's door, which was suddenly opened from the inside by the other three mice, looking very proud of themselves as they pointed inside the room while also indicating to be quiet.
They all peered in to see Pidge and Shiro, curled up together in the bed, both thankfully still sound asleep.
"Oh. Em. Gee." Lance whispered with a grin. "Hang on, I'm getting my phone, I need a picture of this…"
"You will do no such thing." Allura whispered back, scolding, grabbing Lance's collar before he could get away. She gestured to the mice to leave the room, then closed the door.
"Come on, Allura. It's rare enough to catch either of them asleep, let alone together and looking so cute!" Lance insisted.
"Well, that mystery is solved." Tali said.
"My apologies for waking everyone up for a wild yorksnall chase." Coran said.
"Don't apologize," Hunk said, waving his hand. "None of us would have suspected that this is where Shiro would end up when he disappeared in the middle of the night. Besides, Lance is right about one thing: it's rare enough to see Pidge or Shiro sleeping, let alone them sleeping side-by-side."
"Uh, Keith?" Lani said, brow furrowing. "Are you okay?"
"I'm great, why?" Keith asked, a huge smirk on his face.
"Because you're looking like you're the cat who got the canary." Lance said.
"Nope," Keith said, shaking his head, quickly realizing that he maybe shouldn't spill any details about his wingman-ing endeavors yet. He'd wait until he heard from Pidge and-slash-or Shiro about what happened the previous evening before then. "Not a cat, and no canaries were harmed. Well, I'm up now, so I'm going to hit the training deck, see you at breakfast!"
"Does he know something we don't?" Shinji asked as Keith left.
"Never quite sure." Coran said.
Shinji glanced over his shoulder at Pidge's door and scowled before heading back to his door.
He was both looking forward to and dreading hearing what Takashi and Pidge had to say.