HAY ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! Alright, I know it has been awhile… FOUR *$!%$# months actually. I had been going through a lot honestly.
I was in a very bad relationship, dealing with home problems, then final advanced regents exams came, still dealing with the shit relationship and then got fucked over by some fake, cowardly, 'friends', and spent some time in the hospital. I am HAPPY to inform you all that I am now living at my mother's house, completely out of the relationship I was in, cut all those shitty people out of my life, passed all but one exam, and am recovering well from being in the hospital.
It's taken me some time to feel this way, I have been struggling a lot through getting out of the relationship, having to cut out those 'friends', moving households, and recovery. Despite all the shit though, I passed all but one exam, I've gotten a promotion at my job, bought my own car, reconnected with distant family and cousins, bought myself a laptop, and working hard as hell to recover and be healthy.
I've learned a ton of lessons from the past months and it would benefit you to learn them also. Hopefully you take them in as I list them instead of having to learn them through experience.
1)YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT FAMILY! Sometimes you will meet someone who is the world, your other half, should have crawled out of the same womb and everything. Hopefully, your relationship with them is a long, healthy, and happy one. However… Something may happen where they don't treat you like Family, where they don't even treat you like a friend.. Drop them. There are far better people in life than someone like that.
2)DO NOT STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP! We hear this all the time. "Just leave him/her." "Why did you go back?" and the worst, "It's your fault." Stop. Don't victim shame. Unless you have been in an abusive relationship, you have no damn idea of what it is like and how someone can twist, manipulate, confuse, and trap a person. Don't blame or judge the victim. Even if you don't want to go out of your way to help them or you think that have fault in the situation, at least keep your thoughts to yourself and realize what is the most important and serious. Let them know you believe them, suggest they get help, offer some sort of support (even the tiniest thing as a good-morning text or a random invite out), and don't associate with the abuser. If you are in an abusive relationship… Get help. Get out of denial. Push through the fear and manipulation and reach out to someone who can really help you. There are many help lines, services, group therapy, police, trusted family members, etc.
3)DO NOT LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS DRUNK AT A PARTY! No matter WHAT THEY SAY. Never. NEVER leave a friend, especially a female, drunk at a party or a gathering. This should be self-explanatory and go without say. No matter if the others there are your friends or if the drunk friend says they will just spend the night there. Don't do it. It's better for them to get in trouble because they are drunk and their parents need to pick them up than for something terrible to happen to them while they are drunk and alone and not thinking clearly.
4)YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN GRADES! No explanation needed.
5)YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! Be careful who you become friends with. Be careful with how much you share with your friends. Not everyone who smiles at you and spends time with you is really looking out for your best wellbeing.
6)STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, EVEN IF YOU ARE STANDING ALONE! Stand up. Stand together. Even if you are alone. Even if there are only a few of you. Don't be a sheep with blinders on. One is better than none. Two is stronger than one alone. Three and four is a loud voice. Stand. No matter what others say, think, or do.
7)YOU WILL SURVIVE AND EVEN THRIVE! I've just hit ya'll with some harsh realities that hurt… But guess what. You can get through it! Life is hard, and people are shit. But there are good people. You are strong. You can get through whatever life beats you with. And recover. And learn the lessons. And be stronger. Build a beautiful castle out of the bricks life and people throw at you. If you ever need anything, feel free to message me.
ON THAT LOVELY NOTE! On with the story! 3
.o.o.o.
"Christina! Can you go any slower?! We have a line of customers waiting!"
Christina silently nodded to the yelling woman's complaints and continued to scoop fries into little cardboard container. She rushed to put the correct food in the correct bags for each order that was shown on the screen above.
Behind her, Britney was taking counter orders. With each person who began to say their order, Britney would interrupt them, causing her to put in the wrong food, resulting in wrong food for the person and very annoyed customers.
The dinner rush was never ending. It was one car after another, after another, after another. The line of cars that were shown on the camera screen went around the building, informing the employees that there were at the very least ten cars lines up. Around fifteen people stood in the winding line in front of the register. The fast food restaurant had been busy like this for the past hour and it wasn't even eight at night yet.
"This isn't what I ordered! I wanted NO pickles, extra onion, and cheese! This isn't even warm!"
Christina ignored the order coming through on her head set; Jill would take the order since she was by the drive-through window.
"I'm so sorry sir," She began, pausing her actions of putting food in bags and turning around to face the man at the counter, "I will have the kitchen make you a new sandwich."
"I don't want a new sandwich! I want better service!"
Christina held her tongue as the man threw his burger onto the counter, creating a mess, and stormed out of the glass doors. Was it really necessary to do that? The man could have just as easily said no and thrown the burger out.
"Christina would you clean that up," Britney snapped at her. Not even two seconds had passed since the sandwich had splattered all over the counter and she was already nagging.
"Sure."
Begrudgingly, the woman bent down to the lower shelf and pulled the cleaning rag out of the red bucket. She began to pick off the various food toppings and toss them into the garbage while wiping the ketchup and grease splatters.
"Christina!"
She didn't even have to look up.
"Yes Britney?"
"Can you take this guy's order? He can't make up his mind."
"Britney!"
"Yes," She responds back, her voice filled with attitude.
I walk over to the register and ignore the way Britney jabs into my side as she walks over to the food and packing station.
"I am so sorry sir. What can I get for you?"
The afternoon drove on with multiple orders, complaints from customers, Britney ordering her around yet doing no work herself, and lots of cleaning. Every time Britney did the dishes or cleaned the counters, Christina would have to redo it. Food was left on the cooking and storage containers, syrup was left on the counter from making milkshakes and oils would sit on the fry grill. Customers were stupid, rude, and complained that they got the wrong food, the kitchen workers got angry at having to work so fast with constant demands, and the manager sat in the office on his fat ass. It was just an average day of working.
Finally, nine pm came and the dinner rush slowed down to a car about every ten minutes. Christina took a moment to rest against the back sink. In one hand she held a cup of warm coffee, free courtesy of her being a worker in the facility. Oils coated her face due to the grease in the air. Her legs hurt from standing all day without a moment to sit and her head was pounding like a drum.
All day Britney had failed to do her job properly. If Britney washed the dishes, Christina would have to rewash them because there would be food and sauces left on them. When Britney took an order she would put something in wrong and the customer would complain. If Britney decided to actually do something useful and pack bags, she would put the wrong food in for the customer it was for. Whenever Christina asked Britney to do something, as simple as stocking the cups or getting the used trays from the dining room, Britney would either complain about it or say no. Instead, the snobby woman would lean against the wall and go on her phone, leaving Christina to do all of her tasks AND Britney's.
"Hey Christina!"
Christina closed her eyes, her thin fingers tightening around her cup ever so slightly. Maybe if she just stood here quietly, Britney would forget about her and go away.
"Christina!"
Britney's shrill voice yanked the exhausted woman from her thoughts.
"Yes Britney," She replied calmly, her eyes still closed and her bitten nails digging into her cardboard cup.
"You need to stay up front! I just went to the back and when I came back, there were three people in line! Justin yelled at me for making them wait!"
Christina's eyebrows arched down over her closed eyes. Finally the manager had yelled at her for something.
"I told you I was going to drink some coffee. Since I left first, it was therefore your job to stay up front until I came back or you got me."
"You're the one taking coffee breaks! You had a lunch break today, that is when you can drink your coffee!"
Her body was stiffer than stone, anger swelling inside her. This chick had been working here far longer than Christina had, yet Christina was always doing more work. It was absolute hell to work with Britney. Christina had tried being nice and minding her own business, but after dealing with the bitch on a daily basis for weeks now… She was close to losing her patients.
"Fine, I will just put aside my one moment of rest to do your work. Please continue to do nothing except stand on your phone where customers can see you."
A small smirk formed on Christina's lips as she walked around the stunned woman and back up front.
"Don't walk away from me you homeless bitch!"
Christina stopped.
"What?"
"You heard me. Everyone knows you sell yourself just to get money. We all know you slept with the boss to be hired here. You're a slut."
Christina's body screamed. Her senses were going into overdrive. Everything felt so extreme, like pins and needles going through her body. Loud voices echoed inside her head. Ghost hands grazed her body, cupping her in places that should only belong to her.
'Slut' Yes. That was what she was. She had known it since she was little. Many people had called her that, screamed it in her face.
Christina lowered her head, her boney shoulders arching forward around her as if they were forming an impenetrable shield.
"Okay…"
The woman's slouching form oozed up to the front counter and began to take orders as needed. She silently went about stocking the sauces, packing fries into tiny cups, and making sure everything was wiped down. Each task, each person, each sentence, it all went by with the same monochromatic sense to her.
It was early in the morning when her shift finally ended. Christina gripped the worn coat close to her body despite the random holes where the city cold seeped into her tired bones and aching muscles. She hugged herself, the only comfort she'd ever known in a long time, as she walked down the dark ally. Despite the eerie quite, the dark city was alive with predators everywhere. The city was a jungle, the buildings the trees. The sounds of jaguars pouncing and snakes constricting their prey echoed throughout the darkness. Bottles clattered on cracked cement walks and stay animals roamed about.
Christina passed by the familiar dumpster that resided behind her apartment complex. The large thing was rarely emptied and chances were that no one would look inside it. Even the homeless avoided the large dumpsters in this part of town.
Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump. Ba-Bump.
Christina's eyes were locked forward, her head straight. She passed by the large, smelly waste-holder without one glance. Sweat dripped down her temple, causing her stringy hair to cling to her skin. Christina's small muscles strained against her hollow bones with every step she took.
'What was I thinking?!'
The gloomy ally seemed to engulf her tiny figure. The darkness, the secrets, the adrenaline, it was reaching around her with its large muddy hands and gripping her tightly, tripping her and pulling her deep into the shadows. The gross scent of a rotting body infiltrated her nostrils.
The dark alley disappeared into the entryway of her apartment. Large amounts of blood stained her floor that she wouldn't be able to get out no matter how much of the blood she soaked up. Jeff's commands to get some garbage bags as he chopped the body up echoed in her ears. The gagging repulsion as she helped shove the various parts into two black bags. The nervous laughter as they hauled the bags down the steep stairs. How she tripped on the last step and dropped the bag with a squeal that disturbed a stray cat in the hall. The way Jeff laughed at her and said she was like that kitten. How she got confused whether he was complimenting her or insulting her. The adrenaline that pumped through her veins as she carried one of the bags out into the night chill and behind the building. How she followed Jeff and bounced as she threw the bags up and into the dumpster. The goofy grin she got when Jeff laughed and said she wasn't bad.
Christina opened the screen door to her complex and stepped into the hall. The wall paper was peeling and the fake tile floor was broken in multiple spots. The mail boxes were either empty or crammed with overdue bills.
She stepped up the stairs, refusing to hold onto the wooden railing that was no longer secured to the wall in various places. The width of each step was thin, only about two feet at most. If anyone in the building wanted to put good furniture in their apartment, it would either have to be in pieces or the elevator would need to be repaired.
Silently, the tired woman walked into her apartment. She never bothered to lock it anymore and if she did, Jeff or someone else would break the lock. It wasn't uncommon for people to invade another's home and steal some food or anything valuable, but Christina didn't have anything worthwhile to be stolen.
Jeff was nowhere to be found. His chair was empty and the house was quiet. Taking careful steps, she wandered into the bathroom and let her hair down. Her skull seemed to breathe in relief after being in the tight pony for so long. The blonde woman shook her head while running her frail fingers through the wispy locks. How long would she keep living this way? Throwing her hair up into strangling tight pony tails, working with people who degrade her, and destroying herself every night? How long would she keep missing meals, waking up without memory, and sleeping with random men?
Christina's hands gripped onto the counter as liquid rushed down her face and crashed in large splashes. How long?! How long was she going to jump between being homeless, living dirt poor, and never getting anywhere else? How long!
Christina's fist smashed into the wall, causing more dry wall to crumble down into the inner crevice. Red, puffy eyes glanced up, messy hair falling around her face. That's right… Christina fixated on the hole, drywall and degrading wallpaper crumbling inwards to the abyss.
'Jeff's fist…'
"I really took out a good chunk, didn't I?"
Soft fingers froze in their caressing of the construction. In an instant she was standing up, her arms crossed in front of her, and her eyes hard. Tears dried on Christina's face and her eyebrows formed a hard line. Blonde hair poofed around her narrow face, giving her the look of an angry baby lion.
Jeff tried not to smile at the picture before him but his lips formed a soft grin. He kept his eyes downcast though, intentionally staring at the hole on the hallway-side of the wall. Jeff's hand held onto the door frame, and his hair fell beside his hard jaw line, giving him a protective sheet of privacy.
"What?!"
"The wall," Jeff murmured gently. It was strange. For once he wasn't proud of his violent actions. "When I punched it, my fist went right through it."
"Oh," Christina noted, her aggressive stance slowly loosing might. Her shoulders dropped down and her closed hands lost much of their strained tension. She looked like a deflated balloon.
"I'm sorry about that. I'll have to watch myself more."
Christina's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. 'Did he… just...?' If any had seen the scene before them, they would have sworn the woman jumped back eight feet and jumped right out of herself, skin and work clothes all.
Jeff's patchy eyebrows pulled together. It was strange. He hadn't apologized in years… not since his last visit to a familiar grave… The words tasted strange leaving his chapped lips. The murdering man shifted from one foot to the other. She was just staring at him! Why was she looking at him like that?!
"I'm going out for a few days. I don't know when I'll be back."
"Oh…" The woman's face fell, her wide eyes becoming drooping slits. It was as if sand bags were pulling down on her pale skin, dragging her whole body down into despair.
Jeff took a few steps into the hall, catching himself before he tripped over his own feet. What was wrong with him? Her empty eyes gazed down at the cracked floor. Why? The sensation of cockroaches crawling up his abdomen caused him to shift in place once again. He had actually had cockroaches crawling on his stomach before due to sleeping under bridges and behind city buildings before, but this was different. Jeff knew that there were no cockroaches on him despite the pesky insect living in the apartment building. No. This was different because… they were crawling up inside him. One crawled up his esophagus and seemed to curl up in the back up his throat, causing him to swallow the non-existent lump.
"Okay."
Her voice cracked as she shut the door in his face.
.o.o.o.
Jeff leaned against the brick wall in the darkness. Soft puffs of smoke escaped his nose and mouth after each inhale of his cigarette, soothing his muscles and mind. Christina had been working all week and tonight she had gone out to her usual nightclub. Jeff's eyebrows noticeably narrowed as the prospects of what the woman was doing in there entered his mind.
He took another drag of his cigarette. Seneca greens were his favorite and it just so happened the last person he killed had a pack on them. A slight chill tried to invade his body as fog settled on the city streets, blurring anything in the distance. He'd been standing here for a while, quite longer than he wanted to admit. It wasn't like he was stalking the woman he had found an interest in; he simply had nothing better to do than watch her go about her sad little life.
The club doors opened and a rather large built man stepped out, followed by a staggering woman. Her thin blond hair was layered on her head in a messy bun, loose strands sticking to her sweaty face. Jeff watched from the other side of the street, hidden in the dark space between two buildings. The woman was clearly drunk and likely on drugs. Jeff knew the club had an active drug business due to the various times Christina had come home. Jeff could instantly tell the woman was taking heroin and cocaine in different doses and sometimes even together. There were times when he had wondered how Christina had even found her way home in that state of mind.
Before Jeff's thoughts could wander to the woman's deteriorating lifestyle though, his eyes were drawn to the couple across the street. He couldn't hear them but it was clear by the woman's actions she was having second thoughts about the man. She looked around, tripping and holding her head. Something was wrong. Her thin frame began to twitch, her head and arms snapping slightly but enough to be distressing. The man shoved her into the wall and growled something, his voice being muffled by the distance. A silenced scream echoed in city streets, complimenting the chaotic noise that resounded in the night.
Jeff brought the short poison stick up to his mouth and wrapped his chapped lips around the end. The scene increased in tension and his eyes watched with scrutiny. She was struggling but couldn't seem to completely control her body. The woman was repeatedly twitching and kept having convulsions. Clutching her arms tightly, the heavy-set man began to drag her down the street to the closest ally. She kept yelling for help but her voice came out cracked and distorted with slurs.
A nauseating sensation traveled up Jeff's esophagus and into the back of his throat from his stomach. A sour and acidic liquid irritated the sensitive flesh of his throat. Jeff had never had a weak stomach yet at the scene presenting itself before him, he couldn't contain himself. With strain, Jeff gulped down the lump forming in his throat and willed his stomach to relax. The woman's screams were muffled and despite not being able to see in the ally, he was certain of the progression of events.
Why was he being so sensitive? He never had a desire for such actions but that didn't mean they should affect him so greatly. He had ripped out people's insides for the fun of it for fucks sake! A foreboding dread tied his throat into knots. As the screams died down and Jeff continued to stand there, a dead and forgotten cigarette hanging from his lips and muffled cries echoing inside his brain, his composure was rocked.
.o.o.o.
The carnal woman bounced to the music. People caroused all around her, enjoying their late night of debauchery. Completely aware of the toxins in her system, Christina relished in the way her mind was muddied and her body was on cloud nine. Everything was perfect. Everything was okay. She was here, in this moment, and none other. Christina twisted herself around and allowed her eyes to slip shut to fully enjoy the sensations running throughout her.
"You need some company?"
Christina didn't bother to open her eyes. The familiar sensation of a man putting his hands on her waist was intensified as she leaned back into his. His voice was gruff and his body felt heavy but strong.
"Mmmmmm, that'd be nice."
The two danced, as she did with every man that approached her. Tonight she had decided to wear her hair up but didn't want it to seem like she put too much effort into it, resulting in many strands falling around her face. Her mind roamed yet remained empty as a blissful smile resided on her face. It was a good night. It was a good life. Nothing could go wrong right now. She was on top of the world.
"How about we go somewhere a little more private?"
"Mkay," Christina replied with a light sing in her voice.
The gentle smile remained on her face as she allowed the man to lead her through the club. They squeezed between tight sweaty bodies and with each struggle to get through, pins and needles traveled through her skin. Despite the new uncomfortable sensation, Christina continued to walk, albeit a little clumsily now. Her feet felt like cinder blocks by the time they reached the bar. This wasn't more private, was it? Did he simply want to escape the crowded floor?
"Hey Bobby! Usual for my princess here."
Christina was vaguely aware her companion shoving her into a seat. She almost fell off due to the height. 'Why do people make chairs so high?' she wondered as a small glass was placed in front of her. Her ears were too preoccupied by music, talking, glasses clattering, shoes clapping on the floor, men hollering in amusement, and more to distinguish the laughter her companion was directly at her graceless actions. She also couldn't hear the low conversation between the bar tender and her companion. What was his name again? Robby? No, no, no.
Christina shook her head, annoyed that she was confused between names, only to clutch the counter before her and lean forward.
"You alright Princess?"
Her whole back was covered with something that separated at the ends into five different appendages. Or was it just on her shoulder, gripping her body? What even was that?
A hand shoved the tiny glass towards her crouching form. A dark liquid sloshed inside it, almost going over the top. The glass was filled to the brim, a translucent brown liquid. Or was it a deep purple? The little ripples scattered and bounced off one another and the wall of glass. It was so pretty. Colors flashed and reflected off of the juice. What was the little lump at the bottom? It was probably sugar. Christina remembered that some alcohols were sweetened with sugar. The cup got bigger and bigger, the liquid becoming more visible as she focused on it. A cold sensation swept through her skin, forming a circular motion on her forehead.
"John, I don't think she needs anymore. The girl's practically snorting the damn drink. Look at her!"
The world was spinning. She must be on a boat. Christina squeezed her eyes shut and drink to get control of herself. She was in a bar. But she could be on a boat, right? Bars are on boats. Her ears hurt from the sounds that slammed into her head. Words were misheard and muddled as they entered through one ear and went out another.
"Princess, just drink this. You'll feel better."
Christina opened her eyes to find the source of the voice. She saw a skinny man grinning at her from across the counter. A hand was holding a small cup in front of her face. Such a pretty liquid.
Christina opened her mouth acceptingly, awaiting for the liquid to enter. It didn't. Loud booming pounded in her head. She glanced away from the captivating juice and looked at the man across from her. He was smiling. He looked so happy. His eyes were squinting and one corner of his mouth was drawn up as he chuckled. Christina smiled at him while still keeping her mouth open, willing the levitating cup to empty itself in her mouth.
"John, just do it for her. I don't think she'll even be able to hold the glass herself."
Christina turned her head slightly. Who was the guy talking about? What girl? Anyone can hold a glass. As long as it's not sharp glass. You don't want to cut your hand. No, no. Christina grimaced at the memory of cutting her hand. It was most unpleasant, not pleasing or relieving at all.
The boat jumped forward and Christina swayed backwards. Everything was black and a bitter liquid was sloshing in her mouth. She could feel the juice everywhere. It was awful juice. Why was she drinking it again? Something was covering her face. No. Christina opened her eyes and could see the laughing man again. Nothing was covering her face. But why couldn't she open her mouth? She felt pressure on her chin, cheeks, and under her chin, whatever that was called. Unable to spit the liquid out, Christina forced herself to swallow. As soon as the juice was gone, the pressure removed itself from her face, much to her relief.
"I think I should take this one to bed. Princess needs a nap."
"Alright John. You take care."
Christina fell from her chair but never landed. Had she fallen? What were her legs doing? She felt wobbly, like her legs were jelly worms. She used to have those as a treat when she was little. Little, little, little. Christina felt moisture on her cheeks. What was this liquid? She couldn't move her one arm, something was holding it. Instead, Christina used her other arm to reach up and touch the strange liquid. A thousand tiny circular pressure things were pressed onto her face. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the pressure.
"Come on Princess! Would you cool it!"
Who said that? They sounded so mean. They were angry. Why were they angry at her? It was cold. Christina tried to hug herself. Her arms were bare and frozen and floppy. Why was she so cold? What was wrong with her? The woman tried to focus on something, anything. Loud sounds echoed around her. Christina could only see darkness but there were these huge shinny lights that she caught glimpses of. They seemed to be everywhere above her.
"Stop talking, would you! God damnit!"
Talking? Who was talking? Christina looked all around her as best as she could. More than once did she think she had fallen or was about to. Something was wrong. Christina tried to get away from the angry voice. She didn't want her father to be so mad at her again. He always hurt her when he was mad.
"No. I want to go. I want to go home. I'm sorry. Where am I? Can you take me home?"
She heard a girl talking. The girl sounded scared and Christina tried to look around for her. No one was there except for this random man. Christina tried to look at all of the man, maybe she could remember who he was? Why couldn't she remember anything?!
Someone screamed out. Christina wanted to help them but her whole body was being crushed. Why couldn't she move her arms? Where were her arms!? What was that light? Where was her mom? No!
"If you don't shut up, I'll make this worse for you. You Fucken slut."
The pressure was back on her face. Her whole body was surrounded, large lumps pressed into the front of her body and a hard scratchy thing pushing into the back of her body. Or was it reversed? Christina couldn't tell. She couldn't tell anything. She felt liquid on her face and once again she was moving. The boat was tipping. Where was she going? Christina called out for help, unable to move her arms for some reason. It was getting darker but the scratchy feeling had gone away.
Something hard slammed into her, causing Christina to shout out. She tried to move but couldn't. What was on top of her? Christina yelled out again, she knew she was yelling because she opened her mouth and did that thing where her throat hurts. At least her throat was hurting right now. She was getting colder and kept trying to cover up but she didn't have a blanket. Things were touching her all over and Christina couldn't stop them. She tried moving her arms and legs but they just hurt more and more each time she did. It was too much. It was too loud. It was too dark. Christina wanted to die.
And then…
It was quiet. She felt a liquid all over her. It was warm and sticky. The world moved and Christina was being pulled. For one moment she was free then she was surrounded again. Christina tried to run away, tried to beat the person, tried to get free, but she couldn't.
"Christina! Calm down!"
Who was that? Who was calling her? Christina froze but couldn't stay still. Everything was wrong. Everything was weird. The world was moving and it wouldn't stop. Her body was everywhere, feeling everything. She was cold and couldn't get warm.
"Christina. Christina can you hear me?"
She tried to reply. She wanted to say yes. She could hear them. She was Christina and she could hear them. But it felt wrong. Her mouth wouldn't move properly. She throat hurt. Why did her throat hurt so badly?
"I need you to stay still. I'm going to give you my hoodie. Can you put it on yourself?"
Her face was wet and her eyes stung. Tears. That's right. When she is upset, she cries. Crying was natural, but she wasn't supposed to cry. Crying was weak. Crying was bad. Dad didn't like it when she cried.
"Christina. I'm putting my hoodie on you now."
She tried to nod and then the world was shaking. It was all moving and she couldn't make it stop. Then it was soft. It was all soft. It was too soft. It was sticking to her. Why was the soft sticking to her? But it was warmer. Christina tried to hug herself and finally felt pressure around her. She gripped onto the soft tightly, wanting the world to stop moving and wanting to sleep.
"I'm taking you home now."
"NO!"
Christina jumped up, expecting to fly and was thoroughly disappointed when she didn't feel herself flying. Instead she fell into something hard. Something was wrapped around her back, pressing the soft into her. Christina tried to get the pressure to move and smiled when it was. Soft was all around her, but her legs were cold. Christina tried to bring her legs into the soft but couldn't.
"Christina, do you know who I am?"
Christina looked around and all she saw was darkness, some spots darker than others.
"I'm going to take you home. You'll be okay."
Her throat burned again. Why were they trying to take her home?! No. Her Dad was at home. He would be mad at her.
"Wha-? Christina, your Dad is not at your apartment. You're fine."
No. No she wasn't fine. Everything was wrong. Why couldn't they understand that?! Her throat continued to burn with flame. The fire hurt and she couldn't make it stop. Why wouldn't it stop?
She was hot. Too hot. The world was moving and she was sitting in a volcano. Christina didn't know volcanoes could move but she supposed it was possible. No. It wasn't possible. What was wrong with her? This wasn't okay. She was too hot. Too hot. She tried to run, tried to escape the volcano, but couldn't. Christina felt like she was floating. Had she finally been able to fly? Why was she so warn?
"Christina, we're almost there. Calm down. You're fine. You're okay."
They were wrong though! She wasn't okay! Why couldn't this stupid bastard understand that?! Her eyes hurt. Her throat hurt. Her head hurt. Everything was wrong. Why couldn't she focus? Why did she feel like this? Where was she going? Where was this man taking her?
It went on forever, yet was over in a split second. She was warmer; the cold wasn't hitting her legs anymore. She was in a room, a room that was too bright. Christina squeezed her eyes shut and shielded her head against something smooth yet hard. Then it was dark again and she opened her eyes once more. Christina sighed contently as she was surrounded by soft and warm. It was good. It was nice. But wait… Where was that guy going? He was nice! Christina wanted to tell him to stay. She begged him to stay. Why would he leave her right now? Her Dad was going to come home and Christina needed something! She needed someone! Who did she need?
"Christina, please…"
Tears streamed from her burning eyes. Why was it so hard? She watched the figure stand there, staring at her. Christina tried to move the blankets away so they would lay with her. But it was cold again! Then they moved. Christina smiled as they hugged her. She was warm. Warm all over. They were holding her. Christina knew that. They were going to protect her. Christina was a cat and she needed to show them that she was happy.
"I know Christina. It's okay. Just sleep."
Christina shook, she didn't want to sleep. Her dreams were scary. Would they still be here with her when she woke up? What about her dreams. She wanted to feel better. Why did she feel so bad?
The darkness crept into her eyes and ears. It was quiet but she could hear breathing. She was warm and soft and safe. It was okay. Christina's mind slowly faded away.
.o.o.o.
Jeff tossed his cigarette on the asphalt as he crossed the empty street. The woman's cries were getting quieter but he could hear what she was saying. Her sobs echoed quietly in the ally, mixing with mumbled and slurred words. Jeff leaned against the new brick wall, almost into the small space between buildings. He stared into the darkness, his stomach performing another cartwheel. The hulking man was covering the thin woman, his whole body pinning her tiny one to the repulsive ground. He was struggling to pull the woman's shirt up over her head, currently trying to shove her arms out of it.
Jeff watched silently, his mind blank but an undeniable growing disgust coming up from his stomach and into his throat. The grotesque man was too busy assaulting the defenseless woman to even notice Jeff's presence.
"Pl-ay-z! H-ohwa-m! Im 'awah' home!"
Jeff froze, his eyes bulging wider than originally thought possible. That voice. Those paniced slurs. Jeff knew that voice anywhere. The way her words blended together and almost sounded like a language combined of English and another. Jeff had heard it so often before.
The rapists had finally gotten the shirt off the woman and her face was reveled. If Jeff had been just slightly unsure about the owner of the voice before, he wasn't anymore. Without a moment of thought, Jeff grabbed the fat man by the back of his jacket, and pulled him up.
"Shut up you dumb bitch! Just… fucken… Gah! The Fu-"
The man never got a chance to finish his swear as blood filled the mouth that was torn open. Jeff's sharp knife stabbed into the man's jugular and split the flesh in half as he drove it up. Thick, red, blood squirted out and pooled down his hands. With a grunt, Jeff threw the lifeless corpse to the side and flicked his wrist. His hands were drenched in the sticky liquid. The blood was as repulsive as the man's character.
"H-ohwa-m! Yah-hah-kay."
His chest hurt by the sight. Christina was sitting on the polluted ground, her shirt torn off and her bra hanging off. Blood coated her wan skin, reminding Jeff of blood staining untouched, beautiful snow. Her hair was in messy knots, sticking out in every direction and hanging down past her shoulders. Dirt, blood, sweat, and tears mixed together a gross liquid of horror on her face. A thin line of drool was leaking down her chin from the corner of her mouth. Small pupils stared out, wide with terror. Her head kept turning from side to side, as if she was seeing things that weren't there. Despite her hands resting in her lap, her elbows kept snapping her arms and her biceps flexed sporadically. Christina's knees shook as she stared around.
One moment she was shaking and looking around her, the next she was screaming something incomprehensible and throwing herself in the opposite direction of Jeff. Her legs only shook and convulsed as she lunged her arms out as far as she could. Christina dug her nails into the concrete, causing sounds of pain to escape her small mouth.
"Christina!"
Before Jeff could comprehend the fact that his voice had cracked, Christina was attempting to clutch her fingers, the nails broken and now bleeding.
"Christina," Jeff said again, taking a step towards her.
The frightened woman's bra had now fallen off her shoulders completely and was hanging loosely around her elbows. Jeff couldn't help but see her, yet he wasn't aroused. No, instead he had a new feeling bubbling inside him. The woman in front of him was so frail; she could be killed in an instant without knowing what was happening. Jeff had seen her scared the time they had fought-but now?… Right now she was petrified. The terror was clear in her eyes and possessed her body like a ravenous demon. She was so vulnerable, so defenseless, so confused, so…
"Christina. Can you hear me?"
Jeff reached his hand out towards her slowly, as if she was a rabid animal ready to pounce. Her eyes locked on Jeff in wide wonder. He stared into her eyes looking for something, anything, but saw no recognition there. Then, she was moving around again. Christina stood up on shaky legs, only to fall into Jeff's arms… and open hands.
The moment Christina's body touched Jeff's she was falling backwards by her own accord, landing with a hard thud on the ground. Heat rushed to his face, accompanied by another lump of disgust forming in his throat. He hadn't intended to! It had just happened! She got up then fell! Was he supposed to just let her fall? Jeff's hand stood frozen in mid-air, not knowing what to do or how to react. This was the wrong place. The wrong time. Why did she have to be naked!?
Jeff brought his hand up to his head and gripped a large fistful of hair. An annoyed growl seeped from his mouth. What was wrong with him!? He shouldn't be getting flustered over such a simple thing! Why should he feel embarrassed?! It wasn't like him. He had been with women plenty of times when he was younger. In fact, he was quite the desired 'bad-boy' in his teen years. He shouldn't be reacting like this. But… This… This was Christina. This was Christina and she was vulnerable and needed his help.
Jeff crouched down slowly and spoke softly.
"Christina. Christina, can you hear me?"
Jeff watched patiently as the woman began to nod her head vigorously, stop, and then open her mouth. It looked as though she was desperately trying to fight the twitches and say words. Christina's lips curled under and outwards, her tongue curled in weird angels inside her open mouth. Jeff stared at her, watching her struggle. Why did he feel so… What? What was he even feeling? Whatever it was, he didn't like it.
"I need you to stay still," he spoke softly, trying his hardest to… comfort her?... "I'm going to give you my hoodie. Can you put it on yourself?
Jeff stayed silent, waiting for her response, but all the woman did was cry. Why did he ask her if she could put it on herself? Of course she couldn't! How stupid could he be? Standing up slowly, Jeff kept his strained eyes locked on Christina's frightened ones, and slipped the stained hoodie over his head. Christina had recently washed it for him, but since then it had been dirtied with blood and sweat.
Goosebumps rose on Jeff's skin as the chilly night breeze raked his naked torso. Crouching down carefully again, Jeff began to fiddle with the white hoodie.
"Christina," Jeff began, silently relieved when her head turned back to him, "I'm putting my hoodie on you now."
Jeff watched as the woman's head bounced vigorously once again. She began to sway back and forth, clutching her head. Slowly, Jeff reached into the sweatshirt from the bottom and began to bring it over the woman's head. Christina's stringy hair poked out of the top, but the rest of the hoodie stayed bunched up around her face. Her arms stayed gripping her head but were no longer twitching. Jeff rested his fingers on her wrist, not wanting to startle the woman. Then, he gently pulled her arm away from her head. She began to shake again as he pushed it through the sleeve, then began to do the same for her other arm.
It was such a simple action, putting the hoodie on her. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal to him, but the action sent tremors through his body and mind. The feelings, he didn't like them. He didn't like them at all, causing his face to contort in annoyance and flash back to worry as he thought about the woman.
The corners of Jeff's lips quirked up as Christina seemed to snuggle into his hoodie. The sleeves went far past her hands that were currently rubbing her cheeks with the soft material. The bottom pooled around her hips and rested on the ground, clearly much longer than her petite torso. The hood hugged around her head, leaving her surrounded in the warmth except for her face. At least now she was covered.
"I'm taking you home now."
"NO!"
Jeff jumped back at her reaction. One moment it was as if she was a kitten and the next she was a fucken lion. Then, Christina lunged up, tackling him. Jeff hissed out as a feeling of sandpaper scraped his back. Fucken brick wall was going to leave him with a nasty brush burn. His arms tightened around the woman leaning into him, her hot breath cascading on his chest. Warmth flooded Jeff's face one again and secretly he was relieved when she began to struggle and he had a reason to let go of her. He watched silently as she began to bend one knee at a time up to her chest. After a moment Christina's eyes got sad but before she could begin crying again, Jeff intervened.
"Chrissy, do you know who I am?"
The woman spun around slowly, focusing on Jeff for a moment and then turning again. The man sighed, this was not going well. Why was he trying to help her anyways? She wasn't important to him. Christina was just a random woman he found interesting. That's all it was. And now he was tangled into her mess of a life and actually looking out for her. It was pathetic of him. Yet as Jeff watched the woman look like a lost kitten, his hoodie protecting her like a bathrobe, he felt compelled to take care of her.
"I'm going to take you home now. You'll be okay," he repeated.
The change was instantaneous. She began to twitch rapidly, shivering and hugging herself. Christina's eyes were wide with fear and tears poured down her cheeks.
"N-no.. No 'ad. Dad is't h-ohwa-m. I don'ann s-ay 'em."
Confusion drowned Jeff in a powerful wave.
"Wha-…?"
Why was she talking about her Dad? She clearly didn't want to see the absent man. It was as if she was in fact terrified of seeing him and that fear was causing her to get worse.
"Christina… You're Dad is not at your apartment," Jeff spoke softly, an edge of uncertainty clear in his voice. He didn't know why she was so scared by the prospect of her Dad, but regardless of the reasons, it was simply causing her to panic more. Jeff vaguely remembered that this was not the first time she had been scared of her father. "You're fine."
Despite his efforts, Christina only cried harder and began mumbling. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't make her calm down; for God's sake she could barely even understand him. Jeff wondered if she even knew where she was. He seriously doubted it though. Judging by her reactions, the woman's mental capabilities were close to zero. Whatever she had taken was having severely bad affects on her body and mind. Jeff had never seen Christina so intoxicated and messed up on drugs that she couldn't even comprehend the minutest of details such as her surroundings. Even when she would come home drunk off her ass, she had at least been able to get home by herself.
Finally coming to a decision, Jeff stepped towards her. A bubbling guilt rose inside him by what he was about to do. Carefully, he reached down and tipped the woman into his arms by her knees. Christina began to squirm, mumbling incoherently and rocking from side to side. Why did he feel guilty? All he was doing was picking her up! But… she was scared… she didn't know who he was or even who she was… and she wasn't even looking at him when he had caused her to fall into his arms.
Jeff held onto the struggling woman tightly yet tried not to grip onto her. Christina's convulsions and movements caused him to hold her tighter; the thought of her falling onto the hard side walk from this height bothered him. She would be okay if she fell, but Jeff didn't want her anymore scared and hurt than she already was. It was only a few blocks from Christina's apartment and Jeff was certain he could carry her the whole way.
"NO! I don'anna. Hauwt. Noo…." Christina groaned out.
Her elbows dug into his diaphragm and lungs, despite the repeated blows, Jeff held her safely. She was delirious, mumbling on about random things such as volcanoes, birds, and once again her Dad. Whenever she began to talk about her Dad or about volcanoes, she would work harder to struggle, wiggling her legs and elbowing his torso.
"Christina, we're almost there," he told her. Despite the affirmations, she still wouldn't settle. Jeff continued to carry her bridal style down the dark city streets. He passed by the occasional homeless person or threatening looking man. No one bothered him though. Without his hood over his head, his face was in clear view, only protected by the messy hair, and Jeff's hair didn't do much to shield his face right now. If anyone looked up at him, they would freak out or simply stay the hell away from him.
"Calm down," Jeff repeatedly told Christina, hoping that one of the statements would get through to her, "You're fine. You're okay."
Her mumblings transitioned into quiet wines, her convulsions easing into minor twitches and tremors. He could see the tall structure of the apartments that should be condemned. In a short time, he was carrying her form up the many stairs.
"Uhm…. Christina?"
However the woman didn't respond. She was resting her head against his shoulder. Jeff looked away from her disheveled face. Christina's eyes were closed and Jeff could see the short hairs of the woman's soft lashes resting on her cheek bones.
Carefully, Jeff reached his fingers around her door handle and turned it. The door was never locked. For one she didn't have a lock on the door and for another, she didn't need one because she didn't have anything worth protecting. Jeff used his bent elbow to turn on the kitchen light. Christina groaned out and Jeff tried to ignore the way her nose buried into the crook of his neck and shoulder.
Moving slowly as to not startle her, Jeff made his way into her room. Cautiously, the man leaned down, resting his arms on the bed with her before gently removing them from under the woman. Jeff reached down for the lone blanket Christina owned -a ratty comforter with multiple sewn patches yet still thick- and covered her with it. A smile reached Jeff's lips at the sight of Christina's sighing contently before he could stop it.
After realizing his actions and once again feeling uncomfortable with the emotions bouncing around inside of him, Jeff stepped quietly to the open door.
"No… w-whawt…. No…."
Jeff paused and turned his head slightly back, glimpsing at the delirious woman. She was looking up at him, her mouth softly agape and her hand outstretched towards him.
"St-stay…. D-Dad 'omin… N-need…. Stay…."
Why!? Why did he feel so compelled to comfort her!? It was pathetic and extremely annoying!
"Christina… Please…." He begged. Not wanting to stay with her but not wanting to leave her alone in this state.
Jeff's throat hitched as he noticed emotions falling from her eyes and sliding down her face. It was pitiful. It was wrong. What was wrong? Was it wrong to leave her in this state? Or was it wrong to want to help her and protect her? Jeff's long locks tickled his shoulders as he shook his head, growing annoyance flooding his mind. He couldn't answer any of these questions. He didn't want to answer them. However, explanations and understandings whispered to him in the back of his mind and all he wanted to do was stab them. So for now, he ignored the answers.
The woman began to push at the blanket surrounding her and claw at the hoodie hugging her. The sight sent Jeff over to her. The bed creaked as he sat on it and slid down to get comfortable. At the very same time he did this, Christina buried herself into his body, her head resting on his chest. Jeff wasn't even close to being comfortable in this position yet felt he couldn't move. The woman began to rub her head on his chest, her hair gliding along.
"I know Chrissy," Jeff began, an arm wrapping around her back and the other pulling the blanket up over them, "It's okay. Just sleep."
Jeff stayed still, one arm wrapped around her back and the other resting next to him on the bed. He hated sleeping on his back; it simply was not comfortable for him. Christina began to shake, her ragged breath hitting his bare skin.
"Dweens…. No…."
Jeff's hands moved by their own accord. The one cupping around her back began to move in soft circles, and his other hand reached up to her head and began to gently rub her soft hair.
"Shhh…. It's okay," he whispered.
The woman's arms tightened around him, one hand resting on his shoulder and the other reaching under into his side. How she was comfortable in this position, Jeff would never know.
"You're safe Chrissy," he whispered softly into her hair.
"You're safe."
.o.o.o.
Hey guys! Super proud of this chapter. It had originally been twice as long too! I decided to cut it in half and instead give a longer introduction for the chapter.
THE SONG! At War by Letters from the Fire. Okay. Deciding on a song for this chapter was a challenge. I debated between three different ones. Medicine by Daughter and Sober by Pink. I decided to go with this one because it was able to wrap together her depression, the past related to her father, how she wants time to go faster but it's going slower and everything is confusing. Christina hasn't lived a good life and has never "won" as the song states, she has simply survived, as she survived once again. And praying for Angels and the world to end? Well… I wouldn't exactly call Jeff an angel but he did rescue her. Anyways, I think this song is just so perfect.
I honestly really enjoyed writing this chapter. That probably sounds horrible, like "yeah. I enjoyed writing a traumatic chapter with serious physical and mental deteriorations and mass anger." No, for real though. A lot happened in this chapter. Finally, we have some Jeff/Christina romance budding in this chapter and Christina is beginning to lose her shit –Did she even really have it together in the first place? Anyways… I'm really proud of this chapter. I worked hard on it.
What did you all think of Jeff's inner conflict? I tried to keep it realistic but like all Jeff-the-Killer love stories, at some point he becomes less of a serious killer and more of a sensitive mess. I hope that it flowed alright. Tell me why you think it went well or why you didn't? Anything I should change or any ways I could make it better?
What about Christina's drug delirium? I read up a lot about bad trips. Bad trips from marijuana, acid, cocaine, and heroine. Taking a drug, drinking alcohol, and then drinking whatever date-rape drug that the man put into her drink would cause anyone to be as fucked up as Christina was in this chapter.
So Like! Favorite! Share! Tell other people about my story! Comment! Comment again! And even if it is just "FINALLY YOU UPDATED YOU FUCKEN BITCH I LOVE IT!" or some variation, COMMENT! :P ^_^