Northern Constellations
Summary: Explore a year in the life of Joshua Matthews and Maya Hart as they discover the wonders and woes of young parenthood.
Chapter Five
"You know, I really want this kid to be a boy," Maya said nearly a week later. She looked down at her bowl of soggy cereal and frowned. "I don't think I've ever wanted anything more. I know for a fact that I could not handle a daughter if she turned out to be just like me, but I guess we'll find out today. Clutterbucket women are cursed."
"Oh come on," Riley rolled her eyes, flipping through a puppy-eared book of baby names. "You're acting like having a daughter would be the end of the world. I personally feel like a daughter would suit you. When we were younger, I always pictured us having kids at the same time. I wanted us both to have daughters so that they could be best friends too. I still want that. So maybe..."
"Absolutely not," Maya interjected, shaking her head in disapproval. Riley was being as ridiculous as always. "You definitely do not want to have a kid at fifteen, Riley. Your parents would kill you, and then they'd kill me for planting the idea in your head."
"Maya," Riley pleaded, fighting the urge to laugh at the horrified expression plastered on the blonde's face. "You didn't let me finish. I was just trying to say that even though our kids won't be close in age, I still want them to be in each other's lives somehow. If you have a daughter now, and I have a daughter later, maybe your daughter can mentor my daughter."
"Well we can only hope that they'll be in each other's lives someday," Maya thought aloud, getting up from her seat at the Matthews' dinner table to wash her dish. She spilled the rest of the milk into the drain, and began to clean. "It's crazy to think about how my son and your imaginary daughter will be family. Second cousins?"
"Something like that," Riley shrugged, disappointed by the lack of acknowledgement of her grand scheme. It made sense, and a miniature Maya seemed so much more appealing than a miniature Josh. The men in her family outnumbered the women, and she would kill for another Matthews girl. "Do you have any names in mind?"
"Yeah," Maya answered truthfully, drying on one of the hand towels draped over the counter. It was already soaked, and it made her feel icky. She set it back down and went back to her seat across from her best friend. "But are they good names? Not really."
"Let me hear them," Riley said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at the older girl. Before getting pregnant, Maya rarely spoke of children and the future. Riley had always been the one that beamed over weddings and babies. She had it all figured out or so she thought.
"Well Stone," Maya trailed off, feeling a tad bit uncertain. Her top choice was a bit rough around the edges. It was uncommon, and she liked that. She tried asking herself time and time again: who in the hell would name their baby Stone? Her.
"Stone?" Maya repeated before chugging down the rest of her chocolate milk. She wiped away her milk mustache and proceeded to speak: "That sounds kinda...nice. Where did it come from?"
Maya gasped. Was Riley serious? Probably. They hardly listened to the same music anyways. "The Rolling Stones, Riley," Maya explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Josh and I love the Stones. They're one of my all-time favorite bands."
"Okay, peaches," Riley complimented, taking note of the name. "It's not that bad. It has meaning. What other names do you like?"
Maya paused in deep thought. She originally had a list of over ten names, but Josh narrowed it back down to three: Stone, Sidney and Manson. She wanted her kid to have a unique name because Joshua Gabriel and Maya Penelope were just so typical.
"I thought about Sidney for a while," Maya added with a shrug. "But only because Sidney reminds me of Sid Vicious from the Sex Pistols."
"Pause," Riley said, stopping the blonde from continuing her list. "Wasn't Sid Vicious the rockstar guy who stabbed his girlfriend to death at that spooky hotel in Chelsea?"
"Allegedly stabbed," Maya inserted, pointing a finger in the younger girl's direction. "But yes, that's the one."
"Yeah, no," Riley rejected, feeling bold enough to shoot her best friend down. "I think I'm gonna veto it. Sidney is cute—I'll give you that—but do you really want a little Sid running around?"
"Duly noted," Maya said, popping her knuckles. She still liked the name Sidney but not as much as Stone. "And the last name on my list is Manson. Josh really likes that one."
"What?" Riley screeched, closing the large name book with a thud. She looked at the other girl questioningly. Stone was alright—Sidney too—but Manson? "No, ma'am. This is where I put my foot down."
"But why?" Maya asked. She couldn't help but laugh at her best friend's overdramatic reaction. "Manson sounds awesome. Don't you think?"
"Charles Manson was a serial killer, Maya," Riley argued, earning a smirk from Maya. They had spent hours and hours of their lives watching true crime documentaries about serial killers and cults after binge watching the first seven seasons of American Horror Story during winter break. After The Red Planet Diaries finale, they had to find something to hold them over during times of boredom. "Why would you do that to your baby?"
"Do you have any better names in mind, Riley Lawrence Matthews? What would you name your kid? Rainbow? Sunflower? Serenity?" Maya poked fun. Riley's own middle name was brought into conversation only sparingly. It was her mother's maiden name. Riley loved it, but it wasn't very soft.
"First of all," Riley stated matter-o-factly. "Serenity is such a pretty name. I might just have to add that to my list. Second of all, you know what I like, Maya. If I have a girl, I want to name her Penelope, Eleanor or Corinne. If I have a boy, it's Elliot. Take it or leave it."
Maya made a gagging sound with her throat and looked at her best friend in disgust. It wasn't much of a secret that Maya hated her name. She could stomach Maya because she had been raised primarily in a spanish speaking community, and it surely had its perks. But Penelope? Katy really must've hated her.
"I am begging you to take Penelope off of your list right now," Maya said. "It is the most atrocious name in existence. Doesn't it remind you of that one movie starring that Wednesday Addams chick? You know the one where the girl has a pig nose?"
"Says the girl who wants to name her son after Charles Manson," Riley retorted, pointing an accusatory finger at the blonde. "Consider it even, peaches. But enough about me…hypothetically speaking, let's say you end up having a girl, what would you name her?"
"I told you, Riley," Maya argued. "I am not having a girl."
"Fine, then the next baby in like ten years."
"I don't know," Maya answered truthfully. "I've never really put much thought into it. I kind of like Angelina because it reminds me of my grandma, but I think Shawn's had one too many Angel-anythings in his life. Do you remember Angela? His ex?"
"Yeah, I remember her. She was pretty."
"I also kind of like Natalie as random as that is," Maya added. "Maybe Gabrielle."
"I love it," Riley swooned. "See! normal names are cute too. I was a little worried that you'd want to name your daughter Stevie or something."
"Was that a Stevie Nicks reference?" Maya grinned. Fleetwood Mac was the only musical group that both Riley and Maya could ever agree on. Riley loved Dreams.
"Maybe it was," Riley shrugged. "Maybe it wasn't."
"You are such a dork, Riles."
"Correction: I'm your dork."
Three years ago, Joshua Matthews wouldn't have imagined himself as a father-to-be. He wanted to get married and have children of his own after college. Getting Maya pregnant so soon hadn't been a part of his plan. He was only nineteen, and she was just a teenager herself. She deserved better. When he was sixteen, he didn't have to worry about prenatal appointments, dirty diapers and fear of the wandering eye. Maya did, and he couldn't help but feel guilty sometimes.
"You didn't have to come," Maya sighed, flipping mindless through one of the puppy-eared fashion magazines that littered the coffee table in front of them. "You're missing out on a calc lecture right about now and we both know that you need that lecture."
"And miss out on this?" Josh asked, gesturing to the blonde's slightly protruding abdomen. "I wouldn't miss this appointment for the world, Maya. I think our baby is a lot more important than notes on polynomials or some shit."
"Ditto," Maya huffed, tossing her magazine to the open seat next to her. She really didn't want to make a scene in such a public area, but her nerves were killing on her. She felt like she was about to spontaneously combust.
"I'm actually pretty excited," Josh said softly. As a result of being the youngest of not only his siblings but his close group of friends as well, he had become incredibly observant. He swore up and down that he knew Maya Hart better than she knew herself. Her emotions were so easy for him to decipher. She was moments away from snapping. In truth, he hadn't been too keen on the idea of becoming a father so young, but he was excited. At the end of the day, the girl of his dreams was carrying a little life that they had created together, and in time that little life will turn into a little person. His little person.
"Don't get me wrong," Maya gulped, clutching onto her bag with a titan's grip. "I'm excited too, but it's much scarier when you're the pregnant one, Matthews. I don't even feel like myself anymore, and now this thing inside of me is about to take on a whole new identity."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"Is it not?" Maya argued. She was exaggerating, of course, and he knew that. Josh didn't doubt for a second that Maya had already grown attached to their child. "Okay but seriously, my mother's intuition is telling me that Baby Matthews is a boy. If Baby Matthews isn't a boy, we're going to have a serious problem."
"Just for that, I want Baby Matthews to be a girl," Josh teased. He truly didn't have a preference. He knew that they would be able to competently raise a child of either sex, but Maya had her doubts. "I can feel it now. Can't you?"
"You can feel it?" Maya scoffed, leaning against the armrest she shared with Josh. "What exactly can you feel? Please elaborate. Baby Matthews is very much a boy. Thank you very much."
"Yeah, we'll see about that," Josh said, shutting his eyes for a brief moment. For the very first time, he tried to picture his children: a little girl with long blonde hair and a boy with eyes as blue as the sea.
"Ms. Hart?" A receptionist called from behind the front desk. Both sets of blue eyes shot up. "Alright, honey. Dr. Patel is ready to see you now."
"Good morning, Ms. Hart," Dr. Patel greeted, entering the observational room wearing a small as bright as her white laboratory coat. She seemed to be about forty-something, significantly older than Dr. Mack, but she emanated the same youthful beauty. "And you must be?"
"Josh Matthews," Josh introduced himself, extending an arm to give her a polite handshake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Patel."
"You also, Mr. Matthews," Dr. Patel beamed, returning the gesture. She had heard quite a bit about Maya Hart in her lifetime. She had been Jennifer Minkus' go-to OBGYN for over a decade. Farkle had been one of the very first babies she ever delivered as a resident at John-Hopkins.
"Your necklace is really nice," Josh complimented, hoping to engage in small talk. He wondered if such a prestigious doctor such as herself had ever dealt with other young parents. "It brings out your eyes."
In response to his comment, Maya swiftly kicked the back of his calf with the front of her strappy sandals. "What was that for?" Josh asked, turning around.
"Nothing, just sit down already. It was a reflex. Blame your kid."
"You guys are too cute," Dr. Patel cooed, reaching into one of the ceramic jars across from the computer desk to pull out a pair of latex-free gloves. Slowly but surely, she slipped them on with ease. "So how long have you been together?"
"Oh?" Maya let out a nervous laugh, twiddling her thumbs in her lap. She really didn't have an answer. They weren't together. They surely acted like it, but it was a topic that was rarely discussed between the two. "Well.."
"It's only been a few months," Josh answered for her, thinking of something quick on the stop. Their eyes met. Maya looked at him questioningly, but he placed a hand on her knee for reassurance. "But we've known each other for almost ten years."
"I know young love when I see it," Dr. Patel mused. She had always been a hopeless romantic, but she never had much time outside of work to meet anyone on her own. "How are you feeling about Baby Hart? Excited? Anxious? Overwhelmed?"
"Baby Matthews," Josh and Maya corrected in unison. Baby Hart sounded a bit foreign to the both of them.
"Alright," Dr. Patel noted. "Baby Matthews it is. Do you have any particular questions or concerns that you might want to address before we begin?"
"I've been feeling a lot better," Maya replied truthfully. "I don't really feel sick anymore, just bloated. I feel huge, but I know that I'm not quite there yet. My morning sickness is gone, thankfully, but I'm pretty sensitive to just about everything now."
"How have things been at home?"
"Pretty good," the blonde said with a shrug. She didn't want to elaborate on her familial shortcomings to a stranger. "I mean, life isn't perfect but I don't think it ever was to begin with. My parents have been supportive got the most part. I can't complain."
"School?"
"School? It's the same as always. Very little drama."
"I'm glad that you've been fairing well," Dr. Mack expressed, "So, it's safe to say that you haven't been having any issues? No abdominal pain? Vaginal leakage? Bloody discharge? Sorry, Josh, I know you probably don't want to hear all of this but it's standard."
"Oh no," Josh interjected, "I am actually pretty intrigued."
"I'm fine, nothing out of the ordinary to report. If there was, you'd be one of the first to know."
"Great!" Dr. Patel exclaimed. "If you guys don't mind, I would like to run a few tests before we get to the good stuff. Blood work is most definitely optional but highly advised. What do you say?"
"If you guys don't mind, I would like to run a few tests before we get to the good stuff. Blood work is most definitely optional, but highly advised. What do you say?"
"Let's just get this over with," Maya groaned, internally suppressing her sudden urge to whine, kick and scream. She absolutely despised needles and drawing blood, but it was the best option. They were off to a good start.
About fifteen minutes later, with all of her blood work complete and impending results, Maya began to feel the weight of the world on her shoulders. It was finally time for the big reveal.
"Now that I have everything set up, we can get this show on the road. Can you lift your shirt a little more, Ms. Hart? There you go. Fair warning, everyone hates this gel. It's cold, but you'll get used to it. You ready?"
Maya nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be. Josh?"
"Without a doubt."
In that moment, Maya realized that she hated needles and Dr. Mack's transducer want. The very existence of the gadget made her cringe inwardly. She refused to take part in a transvaginal ultrasound with Josh present. She could only image how awkward it would have been then.
"Alright," Dr. Patel breathed, paying close attended to the darkened ultrasound screen. Soon, a faint image appeared, accompanied by an unfamiliar noise. If you listen closely, you can hear your baby's heartbeat. We touched on that on your last appointment, Ms. Hart, but your baby has grown quite a bit since then. The ultrasound is pretty clear, but we could get a better image if you want to.."
"No thank you," Maya cut in, stopping Dr. Patel mid-sentence. "This will suffice."
"Because of me?" Josh questioned, his eyes never leaving the screen. He was so enticed by the small image on display. It was hard to believe that this was his reality.
"It's always because of you," Maya joked in response, grazing the back of her hand against his. Every fell in love with him a little bit more each day. This was her reality, and she wouldn't have it any other way.
"Now for the moment of truth," Dr. Patel smiled, pausing for emphases. She rolled the tip of the want over the right side of Maya's abdomen and held it in place. The cooling sensation soon faded. "Would you like to know the gender? Some couples prefer waiting, but it's all up to you."
Maya and Josh looked at each other and nodded. The curiosity was eating the older boy alive. Even though he would be happy with either sex, he couldn't wait.
"Definitely so we can confirm that Baby Matthews is, in fact, a boy."
"Whatever, Maya," Josh laughed.
"I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Ms. Hart," Dr. Patel chuckled at their playful banter. "But it looks like you're having a girl. Congratulations."
"This is all your fault," Maya hypothesized over a plate of gyoza from a hole-in-the-wall asian express restaurant off of East Houston. "I'm blaming you for the rest of our sorry lives together."
"What did I do?" Josh asked incredulously, taking note of the look of frustration on the young woman's face. She bit into one of the crisp dumplings and frowned.
"I just read an article about how gender is determined by the male parent during conception," Maya said pointedly in between bites. "The fact that we're going to have some little princess is all your fault."
"Sheesh," Josh shook his head, taking a sip of his cola afterward. "I'm just happy that she's healthy, Maya. That's really all that matters to me. I'm not gonna lie, I was getting used to the idea of having a son but only because you were so adamant that the baby was a boy."
"I'm happy that she's healthy too," Maya agreed, swallowing the last of her portion. "It's not that I hate that we're going to have a daughter. She's ours, Josh. I wouldn't trade that for the world. I'm just scared, you know? I'm scared that I won't be a good enough mother to her. I'm scared that we won't have a good relationship, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to raise her alone the way my mother raised me."
"Who said that you're going to raise her alone?" Josh asked skeptically. He had been there for her since day one. He intended on staying for both Maya and their daughter. Abandoning his family didn't seem like a plausible option.
"No one," Maya shrugged. "It's just something I've thought about. You said it yourself, we're young, and at this point in our lives anything can happen. As nice as it would be, I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that we'll be together forever. You're here now, and I appreciate that, but you might meet someone else somewhere down the line, and me and the baby will just...exist."
"Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?"
"No. You've actually been really good to me, Josh."
"Then what's this all about? Your dad? Maya, I can promise you that leaving is the last thing on my mind. I wouldn't do that to you or our daughter. You know me better than anyone else, and you know that the only person I want is you."
"Maybe it's about my dad," Maya said quietly. "Maybe it isn't. I know what it feels like to be this broken little girl, and it would physically pain me if my baby ever felt the same way."
"I can promise you that she won't," Josh said firmly, hoping to convince the blonde. "The difference is that our baby will come from a happy home. She'll have two parents that love her, and a huge family to fall back on when times get tough. I am determined to make this work. You are one of my greatest blessings in life, Maya Hart. You'd be an idiot to believe otherwise."
"You are one of my greatest blessings in life, Maya Hart," Maya mimicked, her heart starting to race. "Who says stuff like that? Can you just be direct for once? Please?"
"What do you want to know?"
"Do you want to be with me? Like at all? You act like you do, but sometimes I'm not too sure. Oh, and you even told Dr. Patel that we've been together for quite some time, but that was a lie. I'm just so confused."
"Are we not?"
"Not what, Josh?"
"Together? Yeah, at first, I was a little iffy. I really wanted to keep playing a long game because I felt like you'd be so much better off, and then this happened. We started spending time together. We're getting ready to have a baby together. I felt like it was implied that we're more than friends."
"Okay, sure, but you've never told me that much until now."
"Believe it or not, Maya, but I've always kinda known that you were the one for me. You've been a part of my world ever since I caught you digging up all of the peonies in Feeny's garden when we were kids."
"You remember that?"
"I do. I have a tendency to remember important things. You changed my life, you know."
"I was eight," Maya pouted at the memory of her pre-pubescent self elbow deep in dirt and fertilizer. Her first encounter with Joshua Matthews occurred during her very first trip to Philadelphia with her best friend. Maya and Riley had been inseparable at the time and in no time, she became family. "I didn't care about much back then, just Riley. I remember playing in your backyard and watching her fall in love with the flowers next door, so I took matters into my own hands. End of story."
"You wrecked an old man's garden."
"So?" Maya retorted. "I have no regrets." And she didn't. It was such a fond memory.
"You were trouble then, and you're trouble now. But you know what? I like that about you. You've never been afraid to follow your heart, and you've really helped me follow mine."
"You know," Maya trailed off, feeling a bit gloomy. "I have been told that I am a pretty bad influence on people."
"I think you give yourself way too much credit," Josh shook his head. "Maya, I've been waiting to have this conversation for months. Maybe I shouldn't beat around the bush this time. I'll be direct. If that's what you want."
"It is," Maya nodded, fidgeting anxiously in her seat. "You shouldn't. Alright, Matthews, the stage is yours."
"I have so much respect for you," Josh began, taking a deep breath. The topic of their relationship had been especially sensitive. "At first, you were just Riley's friend, but after a couple of visits, you became mine. I never really put much thought into our age difference back then. We were kids. It was all so innocent. So you could only imagine how I felt when I saw you for the first time in years when I spent Christmas with you guys. You grew up, but you weren't quite there yet. Think about it this way I was sixteen and you were thirteen? You're sixteen now. What would you do if our roles were reversed?"
"I would wait," Maya answered truthfully. "I'd let you live your life and hope that maybe, just maybe everything will fall into place when the time is right."
"You see why I did it?" Josh asked, referencing the infinite number of times he pulled the three years card on her. "I never meant to hurt you or discourage you or push you away. I've always liked you, Maya. Cory knew about my feelings before I could comprehend them myself. My best friend knows. I even told my mom. You know what she told me?"
"No," Maya shook her head. This was the very first time she heard about him telling anyone about his feelings. "What did she say?"
"Someday," Josh said, clasping his hands together. His palms were sweaty, but he ignored the sensation. "She told me that if we were meant to be, it'll happen someday."
"Oh," Maya laughed. "So, that's where it came from, huh? You recycled someday from your mom. Classic."
"It was more of a coincidence," he chuckled, recalling their moment at the Ski Lodge. At the time, he hadn't been thinking of his mother's advice, it all just seemed to flow. "But I guess you could say that...and Maya?
"Yeah, Josh?"
"I really do love you. I hope you know that."
"You what me?"
"I love you, Maya. I don't love you just because you're the mother of my child. I don't love you because I feel obligated to. I love you because I always have. The time we've spent together really put things into perspective for me."
"I don't know what to say."
"I didn't expect you to say anything back. I just wanted you to know."
She looked at him with wide eyes. She loved him. She loved him very much, but for the first time in a long time, she was at a complete loss for words.