Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS

This idea is a little longer than the others (4000 words). Fair warning.

Paris, June 2016

Tony turned the key in the door and pushed it open. Inside it was your typical bare Parisian apartment. Actually, not that dissimilar to Tony's apartment in DC. Tony put Tali down, taking her hand.

'There you go Tali. Shall we go explore?' he asked his daughter, trying to sound like this was the plan all along. Tali giggled and they made their way into the apartment.

There was a small hall by the front door, that seemed to bend towards the right. There was a door on their immediate left that led to a kitchen and dining room. Opposite was another door, leading a bedroom with nothing but a bed in it. On the curve of the hall was a third door. This one led to a larger room with a sofa, coffee table, a TV on a TV stand and a box of toys. The minute Tali saw it, she ran over to it and started pulling stuff out. Tony wondered if she was trying find Ziva. She had done a similar thing back in DC and again in Israel.

When Tali had emptied the box, not finding what she was looking for, she walked slowly back to Tony, who crouched down in front of her.

'Where Ima?' asked Tali in a sad, little voice. Tony brushed hair out of her eyes. She was close to tears.

'Right here' came a woman's voice. Both Tali and Tony turned to where the voice was coming from. Ziva was standing in the doorway.

'Ima!' cried Tali and she ran to her mother. Ziva fell to the floor and wrapped Tali in a massive hug. She had missed her daughter so much. It had been just over a week, but it had been stressful for both, not knowing where the other was or when they would see each other again.

Eventually, both Tali and Ziva let go of each other and remembered that Tony was in the room. He did not mind that they momentarily forgot about him. He just enjoyed watching the two of them interact with each other.

Holding Tali's hand, Ziva walked over to Tony.

'I know you must have a million questions, Tony' began Ziva. 'But thank you for bringing her to me.' Her voice tailed off, and Ziva's eyes became glassy. Tony sniffed. He might have been trying to hold back tears.

'I'm just glad you're alive, Zi' he whispered back, before pulling Ziva into a hug.

A week ago, Tali and Tony had gone to Israel to find answers. Tony was given a key to a security deposit box in a bank. Amongst many legal documents, it contained a letter to Tony from Ziva, detailing her location in Paris and that she would explain everything to the best of her ability when they reunited.

Now, here they were. In Paris and reunited. Ziva bent and picked up Tali. For the first time, the family of three were in the same location. But were they a family yet?

Ziva stood, waiting patiently for Tony to come into the living room. He was reading Tali a bedtime story, after Ziva had also read her one. The three of them had spent the rest of the day in the apartment, enjoying being in each other's company. However, Tony and Ziva knew that the moment Tali was asleep for the night, the conversation they were both dreading would happen.

Ziva heard Tali's bedroom open and almost close. Tony appeared in the doorway and they stared at each other, not knowing what to say. Eventually Tony stepped into the room and closed the door.

'What happened, Ziva?' asked Tony. 'What happened in Israel?'

Ziva didn't say anything. She wanted to desperately explain what she was thinking and experiencing but it was difficult.

'I do not know where to begin' she said eventually.

'Start with Deena Bashan' suggested Tony as he sat down. Ziva paused, then began talking.

'When I bumped into Deena and we started talking about our childhoods, I was reminded that I am not the person I wanted to be when I was a child. I did not want to be a soldier or a spy or an assassin.'

'You wanted to be a ballerina.'

'Yes, I did. And when Ari came up, I was reminded what my job had cost me. It cost me my brother, my father. When Eli died, I lost what I felt was the only connection to Israel I had left. I did not feel like an Israeli, I barely felt like a David. I did not know who I was anymore. I needed to figure it on my own, Tony. That's why I sent you away. Then Tali came along and I became Ima.' Ziva smiled, thinking about Tali. 'She gave me a new identity, a new purpose to my life. It was no longer about catching the terrorist or solving the murder. My life was about this happy little girl who depended upon me for everything. Does that make any sense, Tony?'

'A little, Ziva.'

'But?' Tony stood up to face Ziva.

'You still didn't tell me about her. I can't help but think that you were never going to tell me about Tali. Did you think I wouldn't support you? That I wouldn't want anything to do with you or Tali.'

'That never crossed my mind, Tony. I know that you have been there the minute I told you.'

'Then why didn't you tell me?' They stood in silence. Ziva felt tears begin to fall.

'I had hurt you so much that year. Sleeping with Adam, turning Tim for help with Bodnar instead of you. I withheld things from you Tony, pushed you away. I was never afraid or worried about you rejecting Tali. I was terrified that you would reject me and I do not know if I can handle that. You mean so much to me, Tony. You are the father of my daughter, the only man I have ever loved. Is there any chance that you could forgive me?'

Tony paused before saying anything.

'You broke my heart, Ziva. Pushing me away and not telling me about Tali. I cannot simply forgive you in a minute.' With that, Tony left the living room, leaving Ziva alone.

Tony sat bolt upright. Someone sound in distress. He got up and went out into the hall. It was Ziva. After a very quick check on Tali, Tony went into Ziva's room. She was tossing and turning in bed.

'Zi? Ziva?' Ziva woke up, sitting up slightly.

'Tony, what is it? Is it Tali?' she sounded scared.

'Tali's fine. I've just checked on her.' Ziva quickly climbed out of bed and went to her daughter's bedroom. It wasn't that Ziva didn't believe Tony; she did. Ziva just needed to see Tali for herself.

'Nightmare?' Tony asked calmly. Ziva nodded.

'Yes.' She sat back down on the bed.

'Somalia?'

'Yes, and now the fire.'

'I'm sorry Zi.'

'It is not your fault Tony. They did stop when Tali was a baby and we slept in the same room, but after fire at the farmhouse and with Tali going away and not knowing when or if I was going to see her again'

'Anxiety rose up and they came back?' offered Tony. Ziva nodded.

'I have not slept much in the past couple of weeks.'

They sat on the bed in silence, neither of them quiet knowing what to do next. Eventually, Tony decided to make his way to the third bedroom.

'Tony.' Ziva's voice called him back to her room.

'Yes?'

'Do you mind… Will you stay for a bit? Please?' Tony hesitated for a moment. He was unsure if was a good idea. However, a minute later he was lying on the bed next to Ziva. They faced each other, studying the other's face.

Hours passed and soon Tony and Ziva were woken by Tali running into the room.

'Ima. Abba.' Tali climbed on the bed. She had climbed into Ziva's bed every morning since they had been reunited. Tony was glad that he was experiencing it with both Tali and Ziva.

Tali babbled away about something, waving Kalev around in the air. Perhaps she was describing a dream, thought Tony. He looked over to Ziva and saw her smiling. Tony had seen her smile before, but not like this. This smile was big and happy, taking over her entire face. Tony couldn't remember a time when he saw Ziva so happy. Perhaps he was starting to get a glimpse of what Ziva was talking about last night.

Tony knew he wanted to forgive Ziva. He knew before their conversation, but he struggled to do it without an explanation from Ziva. He struggled to understand her point of view. However, since their conversation, Tony realised he also needed to forgive himself and let go of the regrets that had piled up over the years. He needed to if the three of them were ever going to be a family.

'Shall we get some breakfast?' asked Ziva to Tali. Tali nodded. She had inherited the DiNozzo appetite. Tony and Ziva stood on either side of the bed, Tali still on it. Ziva held out her arms for Tali but Tali hesitated. She looked at Tony and then at Ziva, who smiled. 'Do you want Abba to take you? It is OK, Tali.'

Tali nodded slowly and went over to Tony who picked her up. Ziva wasn't mad or upset or sad. She was happy that Tali wanted to be with her Abba.

Tony was sitting at the dining table when Ziva walked into the room.

'You alright?' he asked as she sat down opposite him.

'Yes. Everything is fine, Tony, but I want to give you something.' She placed four, light brown leather-bound notebooks. 'These are the journals I wrote in when I was pregnant with Tali and after she was born. For some reason, I packed them when we left the farmhouse. Gut instinct, believe it or not. They will not give you those years back, but they might explain what I was thinking and feeling then.' Ziva pushed them over to Tony.

'Thank you Ziva.' Tony picked the top one and flicked through it. It was filled with Ziva handwriting. Tony knew that Ziva was a prolific journaler and that she put her most private thoughts into them. He was touched that Ziva trusted him enough to allow him to read her journals.

I think 'why has he not called or emailed?' Then I remember I asked for no communication. Yesterday I must have picked up the phone and dialled his number and hung up before he could answer about a dozen times. I write emails in my head, trying to figure out what to say to him. Should I just tell him the truth – that I miss him and cannot live without him? What would he say? Does he still want to be wit me? He promised no communication and he is keeping his end of the promise so I also must.

I went to the doctor's today. They confirmed I am pregnant. I know that it is Tony's. It is impossible for anyone else to be the father. I am so happy that Tony is the father. I want the baby to have his smile and laugh. My eyes and curls but Tony's smile and laugh. They always cheered me up whenever I was low. That is Tony's superpower. He could always make me smile, even if I did not want to. I want our child to have that power.

Nettie, again, suggested I tell the father about the baby. I managed to get her to talk about something else. I was afraid I would start to cry and Nettie would demand more answers. I miss Tony so much. I miss all of them but I am terrified of the person I could become if I step near that world again. It is filled with loss, sadness and violence. I did not like the person I was becoming after Eli died. The last time I was like that was when my sister died. I do not want that to be our child's life. I want it to be happy, all the time and know that it is loved and can do anything it wants to be. As much as I love and miss Tony, I need to protect our child first.

Eli died a year ago today. I do not know if I should be sad or not. I think I might be a little sad, but our relationship was so strained and I wonder if we would have fixed it, or if Eli would have returned to Israel for us never to speak again. He was this connection I had. Yes, I have Nettie, who is amazing, but Eli was different. We were connected through Mossad, which was my identity for so long. When he died, that was completely gone and for some reason I felt lost. I do not know why. I wonder what he would think of the baby. He would not have approved of Tony but I like to think that he would be happy to a be a Saba.

I felt the baby move today for the first time. I think I felt it move earlier but today was definite movement. It feels strange. Amazing but strange. Before I felt it move, the baby was still a thing, an idea, a dream. Now it is far more real than before. Maybe I should tell Tony. But what would he say? I am five months pregnant with our child and we have had no communication since he left. I know he would be excited about the baby. So, would everyone else, especially Senior. But would Tony want to be with me?

I hate being pregnant. I feel tired all the time yet I cannot sleep because there I am growing a human being that likes to move when I want to sleep. If I do not feel tired, then I feel sick and nauseous. The baby pushes on my bladder, making me pee more than before. I just want to sleep. To sleep and eat pizza. This is definitely Tony's baby.

Tali was born yesterday. I did not have the energy to write yesterday as I was exhausted and had a newborn baby to worry about. I still have a newborn baby to worry about but she is currently sleeping. Tali is perfect and beautiful and I cannot believe how much I love her already. I wish Tony was here. He should have been here. I want him. I miss him. I love him. Why did I not tell him? I was stubborn and proud and determined to hide the truth from Nettie. I am still afraid of looking like a failure in front of my family.

Tali smiled for the first time today. She is a DiNozzo without a doubt. I felt tears in my eyes when I realised that she was smiling. I miss him. He should be here, to see all of this. Why did I not tell him? I kept telling Nettie that I did not need the father to raise my daughter, but that is a lie. I need Tony to help me raise our daughter. I worry about how I will explain it to him. Then I worry how I will explain it to Tali if and when she finds out. I am weak. I am ashamed of myself. Tali is the most important thing. She needs to be protected at all times. Tony will understand that. Right?

I bumped into Adam today. Tali was with Nettie and I went to the store to get supplies. I did not expect to see him and had my socks knocked off me when I did. Tony would be pleased I got that one right. Seeing Adam only confirmed what I already know. Sleeping with him was a mistake. I am in love with Tony. I have been for some time. I feel guilty that I slept with Adam. Tony had been wonderful after Eli died. He even offered to come with me, though we both knew he could not because of the man hunt for Bodnar. I slept with Adam, knowing that I had feelings for Tony. I was weak. I struggled to remember what Tony had told me. I felt alone then. I feel alone now. I want to see Tony.

Tali said her first word today. Abba. I show her a photo of the two of us in Paris every day. I tell her that Abba loves her so much and he cannot wait to meet her. I burst into tears the moment I was alone. I did not want Tali to see. Tony should be here. I think 'why is he not here?' Then I realise that I am the reason he is not here. I am the reason why Tony has not met his daughter. I am the reason why he does not know that he is a father. I am the reason why he has not called. I asked him not to, made him promise and he has kept his end of the deal. I was wrong. I should not have made him promise.

Tali and I have moved out of the farmhouse. We went to the market today and I think I spotted someone following us. I did not want to scare Tali. She notices when I am sad or happy. When we got home, I called Orli. It had been sometime since we had spoken, but I genuinely believe that she is on my side. She explained that a Jacob Scott had broken out of British prison and was on the run in the US. She knows the name from one of Eli's old cases and has arranged for Tali and I to move into a safehouse. Whilst we waited for the Mossad escort, I packed a bag each for Tali and me. We were in the nursery and about to leave when Tali cried out for Abba. She was pointing to the photo of me and Tony. Of course, Abba had to come with us. Tali is now asleep, Kalev under one arm, the photo of Tony and me under the other. She is so perfect and beautiful. She must be kept safe at all cost. Even if it means I never see Tali or Tony again. Tony will meet his daughter soon.

Tony closed the journal. He had tears in his eyes and felt regret build up in him. So much of what happened in the last three years could have been prevented or changed. But both Tony and Ziva were stubborn and proud and had made ridiculous promises to themselves and each that should never have been kept.

When Ziva gave him her journals, Tony went into the third bedroom and started reading. He had not meant to spend the whole day reading, but that was what he did. Tony knew that spending time with Tali was good for Ziva.

He got up and went straight to find Ziva. He found her playing with Tali in Tali's room. It had white walls that had been covered in brightly coloured flowers, plants and animals and littered toys that Ziva had somehow procured. Ziva had explained that she needed to busy herself whilst she waited for Tony and Tali, and whilst decorating was trivial, it had done its task. On the plus side, Tali loved her new bedroom and her big girl bed.

Tony went and joined Ziva and Tali on the floor.

'Hey' said Ziva. 'Are you OK?' she asked, a little concerned about the look on Tony's face. He gave her a smile and small nod. They would talk later.

'Abba' declared Tali and she placed a toy plastic necklace around his neck.

'Thank you Tali' said Tony. He quickly pulled her into a hug and started tickling his daughter. Tali's laughs echoed through the apartment, something that it probably had not heard for a long time.

The apartment had once belonged to Eli, Ziva inheriting after his death. He had used as a safe house whenever he was in this part of Europe. Until recently, the apartment had only seen men or rather soldiers catching up on much needed sleep or quickly feeding themselves, or nursing a bullet wound or graze.

'Abba stop' laughed Tali. Ziva and Tony were smiling too. Eventually Tony stopped tickling Tali. She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. 'Ove ou Abba' Tali said before kissing his cheek.

Tony's eyes became glassy. He reached over and pulled Tali into a tight hug.

'I love you too Tali' whispered Tony.

After putting Tali down for a nap, Ziva found Tony sitting in the living room, leafing through her journals.

'Hey' she said, going over and sitting down next to him. 'Tony are you alright? Did the journals-`

'They were insightful' Tony said quickly.

'Then what is it?' Tony took a second to compose himself.

'You were my everything Zi. Even when I was in DC and you in Israel, you still my everything. When Tim and Abby told me about the body that was found in the wreckage of the farmhouse, my entire world collapsed. I had been holding out in the hope we would reunite one day and I honestly didn't know what I was going to do without you.' Tony's eyes were glassy with tears, and Ziva too felt like she was going to cry. Tony didn't continue.

'I was your everything?' Tony smiled.

'Until Tali call me Abba for the first time.' Ziva smiled. 'She didn't need any prompting or for someone to explain who I was. She just knew that I was Abba, because you had told her about me.'

'Tony, I had every intention of telling you about her, for the two of you to meet. In my mind I had her second birthday as a deadline. I had waited too long and I knew would be painful but I needed the two of you to meet.'

'I know' whispered Tony, his voice breaking with emotion. He reached over for Ziva's hand and pulled her into a hug. 'We were wrong, Zi. This whole situation, we did it the wrong way.' They pulled apart to look at each other. 'I should have told you how I felt about you sooner, Zi. I shouldn't have promised no communication when you asked. There was no way I could have predicted Tali, but I could have emailed or called you on your birthday, or the anniversary of Eli's death. Something to open communication up between us, so that it didn't fall on your shoulders.'

Ziva sniffed and blinked away tears.

'I am so sorry, Tony, for not telling you about Tali, for keeping you in the dark, for not telling you about my feelings for you.'

They both leant forwards and their lips met in a kiss. It was not a goodbye kiss, like the one they had on the tarmac three years ago. No, this one was of forgiveness, hope and love.

'I love you, Ziva' whispered Tony when they broke apart.

'I love you, Tony' replied Ziva.

After a while, Tony spoke.

'Do you know what Tali said to me today?' he asked.

'No.'

'She said 'love you Abba'.' Ziva chuckled.

'Really?'

'Yeah, she did. She's perfect Zi. Completely and utterly perfect. And we made her.' Ziva laughed again.

'Yes, we did.'

Eighteen months later

Tony was sitting in bed, going over some notes for class the next day. After several months of considering what to do next, both Tony and Ziva decided to go back to education. They were unsure what they wanted to do, now they were no longer in law enforcement and so both applied to the American University of Paris; Tony was studying MA International Affairs and Ziva was struggling to pick a major. The problem was that everything looked really interesting.

Tali thrived having both her parents and living in Paris. All three of them thrived. That is why they stayed in the city of love. Tony and Ziva were reminded of happy memories, rather than crime scenes. Money was not much of an issue. Ziva had inherited the apartment they lived in from Eli, including three other properties she rented out, Tony renting out his old apartment to Tim in DC, both Ziva and Tony taking on small side jobs such as translating or teaching English, and they still had Eli's fortune that Ziva had inherited. That was predominantly paying for their education, but there was plenty left over.

Ziva came into their bedroom, closing the door. She had a look on her face that Tony couldn't place. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed and taking his glasses off (Tony finally caved in and got glasses. Tali loved pulling them off his face and putting them on.) and pulled Ziva closer to him.

'What is it?' he asked, intriguingly. Ziva smiled.

'I think I might pause my degree, or at least go part time.'

'Why? We're OK for money.' Ziva nodded in agreement.

'Yes, we are. Even with the new baby.' Ziva reached for Tony's hand and placed in on her lower abdomen, the smile on her face enormous.

Tony stood up quickly.

'You're pregnant?'

'Yes, Tony I am pregnant.'

'We're having another baby?'

'Yes. Tali is going to be a big sister.' Tony's face exploded into the biggest smile Ziva had ever seen. He bent down and kissed the woman he loved so much.

'I love you Ziva' he said quietly.

'I love you too, Tony' replied Ziva.

If you made it to the end - well done!

The journal entries are supposed to give an idea of where Ziva was mentally. There was no way I could write three years worth of journal entries. I hope it made sense.

Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it.