Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS

October 2013

Tony dumped his bag on the sofa, undid his tie and went straight to the drinks cabinet. Four days he had been back. Four days since he had left Ziva in Israel. The hardest thing he had done. Now he was catching up on the work he had missed in the past four months.

Tony checked his phone, not for any particular reason, and noticed he had a missed call and a voice mail. A +978 number. Israel international dial code. Tony tentatively pressed to listen to it.

'Tony.' He took a deep breath. It was Ziva's voice. 'I do not know if you will get this. I think I must have dialed your number about a dozen times. I stopped myself before I…'

She trailed off. Tony wondered if she had hung up.

'I miss you, Tony.' Ziva sniffed. 'So much that it hurts.' She sniffed again. Was Ziva crying? 'I keep, um, wondering if I made a mistake sending you away, but… but in the end, I think it was the right thing.'

Tony picked up the phone and almost hit delete. He didn't want to hear the rest if Ziva was going to dump him again.

'I need to figure out who I am Tony, who I am without Mossad, or NCIS, or my father, or even you Tony. I did not send you away because I hate you or because I do not need you, because I do need you, Tony. But right now, I need you to give me space… and time. I promise you, Tony. We will see each other again.'

There was a click, indicating that Ziva had hung up. Tony stood in his kitchen, leaning against the counter. What was he supposed to do now?

November 2013

Ziva walked into the farmhouse, dumping her grocery bags on the counter. She had just gone to the farmers market. She had a list of recipes she wanted to try and all of them required fresh produce.

Walking past the desk, she noticed a light on the answering machine. Yes, an old fashioned answer machine, from her teen years. It amazed her that it still worked. The farmhouse had a landline and Ziva had given Tony the number stressing only to call with emergencies. Quickly she answered it, dreading what Tony was going to say.

'Hey, sweet cheeks. No idea what time it's there, or when you'll hear this message. It's about 8.20 pm here. Lots of paperwork to do. I thought I'd call this number instead of your cell. Don't really know why. It's been an interesting few days. We've got a new team member. Eleanor Bishop from the NSA. She's cool. Brainy and little nerdy like McGee. Nothing like you though.' Tony paused in his message. 'We miss you Ziva. All of us. Hope you're OK. Happy Birthday my ninja.'

There was a loud beep, indicating the message was finished. Ziva made sure to save it, recording a second copy. Ziva wasn't sure how she felt about Tony's message. She missed him desperately. She missed all her friends back in the US. Ziva also wasn't sure about this new team member. Had they already replaced her?

Ziva turned back to her groceries and started putting them away. She listened to some music whilst she did. It was something that Ziva wanted to get back into the habit of. For some reason, she had stopped listening to music, something that she once loved.

A couple of hours later, Ziva was sitting on the sofa in the farmhouse, blanket over her and the fire roaring. She was flicking through some old photos on her laptop when photos of her previous birthday appeared. Tim and Abby were in them, as was Gibbs, Jimmy, and Ducky. And of course, there was one of Tony and Ziva together. They had gone out for drinks after work one day. They Ziva in the photos looked so happy.

Ziva sniffed back tears that began to form. She closed her laptop and put it away. She didn't want to cry. The past week had been good. She had made progress on her 'journey' as she kept calling it in her journals. Sitting alone in the farmhouse, Ziva made a promise to herself not to be alone on her next birthday. To spend her next birthday with Tony.

January 2014

Ziva heard her phone ringing. It was at the bottom of her bag. Ziva sighed and weight up the options of trying to find it in the middle of the stairwell or wait until she got to her flat. Ziva decided to continue climbing the rest of her stairs to her tiny flat before finding her phone. Why didn't she just put it back in her jeans pocket like she always did?

Ziva unlocked the door and walked into the tiny Parisian flat. Boxes, packaging, and junk were still piled up. It had been somewhat of an impulse purchase, the flat. Ziva had decided to go to Paris for the New Year. She loved the city and it had been some time since she had visited. Ziva didn't have any definite plans and was wandering aimlessly around when she found herself in front of a real estate agency. In the window was the advert for this little gem of a flat. Located in the Latin quarter, it was within walking distance of some of Ziva's favourite locations in Paris, including the bookshop Shakespeare and Company. The price was affordable and Ziva had enjoyed the past couple of weeks moving into the flat, decorating and furnishing it.

Ziva dumped her bag on the table, took off her coat and rummaged around for her phone. She had one missed call. From Tony. Apprehensively, she listened to his voicemail.

'Hey, sweet cheeks. Hope you're well. I know the anniversary was a couple of days ago.'

Ziva sighed. She wondered if he had called about that.

'Um' continued Tony. 'There's something else as well. I don't know if you heard but there was a terrorist attack in DC. Benham Parsa. We're all OK but McGee's girlfriend, Delilah, was caught in the blast. She's paralysed, Zi, from the waist.' Ziva sat down, slightly shocked. 'I wish this was a happy message. Again, hope you OK my ninja. I miss you. Bye.'

Ziva sat on her sofa, in disbelief. She hadn't heard from Tony since her birthday in November. Tim had sent a birthday e-card to Ziva and Abby had emailed her a card around Christmas. Ziva had sent them a short thank you email, also giving her cell number to Tony. For in case of emergencies.

She leaned over to the shelves and pulled out her laptop. Opening it up, Ziva wrote two emails, one to Tony, thanking him for letting her know about Delilah, and one to Tim, letting him know that she knew about Delilah. It felt a little odd, being in contact with Team Gibbs. In her emails to Tim and Abby, Ziva said that she needed space and time to figure some things out, that it was difficult to explain but that she hoped they would reunite sooner rather than later. Ziva hadn't received a response from either of them. Not that she expected to. This time around, she just wanted to make sure that Tim knew she was thinking of him and Delilah and that he wasn't alone.

June 2014

Tony got into his car, stretching his neck. He had just had finished what felt like a long day of sitting at the desk, doing paperwork. So much paperwork.

His phone began to ring. Cursing under his breath, Tony reached around and fished his phone out of his pocket. It was Ziva.

'Hey' said Tony, softly.

'Hi, Tony' replied Ziva.

'Wow. It's been a while since I heard your voice' he said, automatically regretting it. It sounded so cheesy rom-com. Ziva laughed anyway. 'How are you?'

'I am good Tony. I am in Paris.'

'Paris? Really?'

'Yes. Why does that surprise you?' Tony chuckled.

'I was in Marseille a few weeks ago.' Ziva chuckled too. 'Zi, why are you calling? I mean it's great to hear from, but…'

'But you are the one who usually calls? Especially in the last few months?' added Ziva.

'Yeah.' Ziva took a moment before continuing.

'I thought I would come and see everyone.'

'What? You'd come here, to DC?'

'Yes, Tony. I was about to book my ticket but I wanted to know what you thought first.'

'Book the ticket, Zi, and don't worry about finding somewhere to stay.'

'Tony, no, you do not have to do that.'

'Yes, I do, Zi. Let me know your flight details?'

'Will do Tony.'

Three days later, Ziva walked through the arrival gate at Dulles airport to find Tony waiting for her. He waved her over.

'Hey sweet cheeks' said Tony, smiling. 'I like the hair.' Ziva laughed. She had gotten her hair cut two weeks after Tony left her in Israel back in September. Just above the shoulder. She had liked it so much that she had it done again in Paris.

'Tony, you did not have to pick me up. I could have gotten a taxi or the train.'

'Nah. It's alright. I wanted to see you' said Tony.

'Me too' agreed Ziva. They hugged, but as Tony went to pull away, Ziva held on.

'No, not just yet' she said quietly.

'Oh, ok' replied Tony. He liked it. Tony hadn't realised just how much he had missed Ziva, hitting him like a tonne of bricks. The idea of Ziva leaving again was not something he wanted to think about.

When they got to Tony's apartment, Ziva noticed a few changes.

'Your bed? You got a new one?' Instead of Tony's single twin bed was a double bed.

'Yeah. My old one broke. One the legs' he added quickly. 'Dad and McGee and Abby kinda gave me an intervention of sorts and strongly suggested I got a double. It's actually quite nice having a bit more space.' Ziva laughed slightly. 'You want a drink? Coffee?'

'Um, yes. Coffee sounds good.' Tony made two coffees and they leaned against the kitchen counter. It was a little awkward. Tony had so many questions he wanted to ask but didn't want to push Ziva.

'Any plans whilst you're here' Tony asked eventually.

'I have not really thought about it' said Ziva. 'I do want to see everyone, try and explain what I have been doing.' Tony nodded, still unsure what to say or do. 'I thought I would start with Abby. There is a part of me that wants to get it over and done with if that is alright with you' said Ziva.

'Fine with me' said Tony. It just occurred to him that Ziva might be feeling just as awkward as he was with this situation. Ziva finished her coffee and left to see Abby.

Abby answered the door only to find Ziva standing on the other side.

'Ziva?'

'Hello, Abby.' Ziva was still feeling nervous. Abby let her friend into her apartment. The two women stood in silence.

'What are you doing here, Ziva?' asked Abby.

'I came to see you. Try and explain.'

'Explain what? How you broke Tony's heart by staying in Israel? Or how you said goodbye to Gibbs but not to me or McGee or Jimmy or Ducky? Or how we've barely heard from you in a year?'

'I am sorry Abby. I am sorry for leaving but I needed to. I needed to figure out who I was, who I am, and I needed space away from everyone to do it.'

'That sort of makes sense, I suppose' said Abby. 'Have you seen Tony?' Ziva smiled and nodded.

'He picked up from the airport this morning. He insists I stay with him.' Abby smiled and went to hug her friend tightly.

'I've missed you Ziva.'

'Missed you too Abby.'

Ziva knocked on Tim's white apartment door. It took a while for it to open but then Tim McGee stood in front of her, wearing an MIT t-shirt and sweatpants. His dark hair was slightly messy. Ziva wondered if she had woken him up.

'Ziva?' Tim was surprised

'Hi, Tim.' They hugged.

'You're back?'

'At the moment.'

'You're not staying?' Ziva sighed.

'I do not know yet. I wish I could explain in a way that would make sense to everyone, but I do not think I can.' Tim smiled weakly.

'Have you seen Tony?' Ziva smiled and nodded.

'Yes. He picked me up at the airport this morning.' Tim's eyebrows raised. Ziva spotted it. 'There are things that Tony and I need to discuss.'

'OK' said Tim, not completely buying what she said. He had sat in the bullpen for eight years, watching the two of them flirt back and forth. 'Why did you leave Ziva?'

Ziva composed herself.

'I needed to figure out who I was, Tim, and yes, I needed to do it away from you all.'

'We could have helped.'

'Maybe, but I still would have left NCIS and taken some time away. I did not leave because I hate you. Tim, believe me, it was not an easy year.'

'OK.'

'I have to go' said Ziva. Tim raised an eyebrow. 'To see Gibbs.' They hugged.

'We should have a proper catch' said Tim.

'Coffee at the diner?' suggested Ziva. Tim nodded and laughed. Before Ziva left for Israel, the two of them met for coffee at the diner frequently.

'Bye Tim.'

'Bye Ziva. I'm glad you're back.'

The stairs creaked as Ziva made her way into Gibbs' basement. For once he wasn't in his natural habitat. Ziva was about to go upstairs to find him when Gibbs came around the corner. He stopped halfway down the basement stairs.

'Ziver.'

'Hello Gibbs.' Gibbs made his way down and stood in front of Ziva.

'You're back.' Ziva nodded a little.

'For now.'

'You leaving again?' Gibbs had moved over to his workbench, his back to Ziva.

'I do not know, Gibbs. It depends.'

'On what?'

'On whether I still have friends.' Gibbs turned to Ziva.

'You will always have friends here, Ziver. That won't change.' Ziva nodded her head, unsure if she believed him. Her interactions with Abby and Tim had been good and promising, and the fact that Tony was forcing her to stay with him was also good. However, Ziva was worried that she had burned too many bridges by closing down communication.

'Have you seen Tony?' asked Gibbs.

'Why does everyone ask that?' Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

'Do I really need to spell it out? We watched for eight years, the flirting going back and forth between the two of you. DiNozzo was a broken man when he came back in September. He missed you. We all did.'

Ziva was slightly taken back by how much Gibbs had spoken. She had never heard him say so much in such a short space of time.

'I am staying with Tony. He insisted when he picked me up from the airport.' Gibbs looked at Ziva. 'I do not know what to say to him' she said. 'I do not know how to explain it.'

Gibbs walked over to her.

'Just tell him the truth' he said kindly.

Ziva closed Tony's apartment door. Tony popped his head around the kitchen door. He had gone out to get some of Ziva's favourite US foods and was now putting everything he bought away.

'Hey,' he said. Ziva walked over, grabbed his head and pulled Tony into a kiss. Tony was a little surprised at first, but soon he wrapped his arms around Ziva, pulling her closer. When the kiss broke, both felt a little giddy.

'What just happened?' asked Tony. Not that he was complaining. He had wanted to kiss Ziva since he had first seen her that morning.

'We kissed, Tony.'

'Yeah, I got that.' Tony grinned and leaned forward to kiss Ziva again.

'We should, um, perhaps talk' suggested Ziva after the kiss broke.

'Yeah, we should.' Tony dipped his head again and kissed Ziva. 'Did you figure out who you are?' he asked. Ziva smiled and led him over to the sofa. They sat down.

'I have started. I am Ziva David, Israeli with American citizenship.' Tony laughed. 'I love cooking and reading and writing. My favourite food is Babka and I made it so many times in the last few months that I think I might have perfected the recipe for it. My favourite book changes almost weekly, if not several times a week. I finally saw The Fugitive, Cool Hand Luke, the original Sabrina, and Top Gun.' Tony's eyebrows raised, impressed.

'What did you think?' he asked.

'Pirates of the Caribbean is still my favourite film.' Tony shook his head in disbelief. Ziva laughed.

'Anything else?'

'I was Mossad' continued Ziva. 'And an NCIS federal agent. I do not regret joining either when I did, and now I do not regret leaving. They were the right decisions at the time. I know that now.' Ziva went pensive. 'I miss Ima and Tali daily, but neither of them would want me to live in the past. I hope that Eli and Ari have found peace in death that they did not find in life, and actually I think they were a lot more similar than I realised. I loved all of them and I cherish the memories I have of my family.'

'You did a lot in a year.' Ziva nodded.

'Yes, I did. Lots of thinking, writing, reading. Bit of travelling.'

'Paris' pointed out Tony. Ziva chuckled.

'Yes, Paris. It is my favourite place. I love it so much, I bought an apartment there.'

'Really?'

'Just a one bedroom apartment that is in the attic of a building. I think it is six flights of stairs to get to it, but it is Paris.' Ziva placed her hand over Tony's. 'I was lost, Tony. I was on a little boat in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by fog and no way to get back to who I thought I had to be. After a lot of thinking and writing and time, the fog began to clear. I was able to start to move towards the person I want to be, the person I am becoming. It is a slow process but one that I am embracing. I am a different person from when we first met and give it another ten years, I will be a different person again.

'I thought home had to be a place, that I had to choose between Israel and the US. I have come to the realisation that home is me. I am my own home and I can still have a relationship with my birthplace, even if I do not live there.'

'That's very profound, Ziva.'

'I had a lot of time'

'I'm glad, Zi. You look happy. It radiates off you.' Ziva laughed and rested her head on Tony's shoulder. They relished being so close, physically to each other, having craved it for so many months.

'What now?' asked Tony.

'I would like to find a job. I have other sources of income. I rented out my old apartment in Tel Aviv, along with the beach house in Haifa and the Paris apartment whenever I am not there' explained Ziva. 'And I have my savings and the rest of Eli's money, but the one thing I like about my previous jobs is that I was helping people, or I felt like I was helping people. I want to do that again.'

'Any idea what?' asked Tony. Ziva shook her head.

'No, but I do want to be based here in DC.' Tony looked at her, surprised.

'You moving back to DC?' he asked, wanting confirmation. Ziva nodded.

'Yes, Tony.' Ziva paused. 'You live in DC.' Tony interlaced his fingers with Ziva's. 'I love you Tony' she said quietly. Tony sniffed. Had he been crying?

'I love you too Ziva.'

Hope you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing this. I wanted to have Ziva happier instead of sad.

Thank you for the reads and reviews.