I will warn you about there are mention of darker themes; if you do not like the mention of death or, and I hate to type this, potentially taking one's own life, then please turn away now. If you do not feel this way, then please continue...

...

There were so many spots that were on fire that Val wondered how he didn't burn down the forest. A small platoon of Fallen had arrived and Evan wasted no time. He let the flames consume him and activated Dawnblade. The fire spread from the middle of his back outwards, giving him wings. The wings of a Phoenix. The Sword could throw projectiles of fire that burned upon contact. The Fallen didn't know they were going to be the ambushees, not the ambushers.

Evan had been swinging this sword for only a few minutes and it looks like a few dozen battles took place. Val was concerned as Evan killed the last Fallen, deactivated Dawnblade and screamed in pure agony. That sound haunts Val in her sleep. The amount of hurt in that scream means Evan is hurting more than he did before. Before he got his Light back. Before going to the Shard. Before the Red Legion.

Evan was silent as he climbed back into his ship and had Val set course to the Farm. Evan didn't talk to Val at all. He only closed his eyes and slept, well, he tried to sleep. Nothing seemed sacred anymore. Everything has a trigger and it seems Evan cannot stop tripping them all.

...

His Light is the biggest trigger of them all. It reminds him of the events of the Tower siege. The fire, the bodies, it was all too much. Evan was squirming in his seat, his face contorted in pain, but he wasn't injured. The phantom pains, his Light being taken, his loss. Evan's eyes were still closed as he kept dreaming. It pulled him to the Command ship where he saw Ghaul dragging someone with him.

It was Lena. Ghaul was dragging Lena behind him. Evan tried to crawl to her, but he was restrained by...nothing? He was stuck in place and he could only helplessly watch. Ghaul must have been speaking in the dream, but all the words came out distorted and unintelligible. Evan could only watch as Ghaul revealed a weapon from his armor and aimed it at Lena. She was crying, that much Evan could tell. She was begging Evan to save her, her armor completely thrashed. Evan was trying but he couldn't move, his struggles in vain.

She reached her hand out to Evan. but that was quickly on the ground as something blue splattered everywhere.

...

Evan woke up so fast you would think someone just dumped water on him. Sweat lined his forehead and his whole body was shaking. His breathing was abnormally fast and he felt like he was going to die all over again.

Val's optic was watching Evan intensively. "Evan, you are going to need to talk to someone about this. You can't keep torturing yourself. I know you don't want to talk to anyone, but someday soon, you will have to talk." She twirled her segments in consideration before adding, "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Evan's breathing slowed, returning to a normal rate, "Why don't you just look, it didn't stop you the first time." Evan sneered, still angry at the dream. His mood just carried over and turned from helplessness to anger. It was not directed at Val.

Val winced, "So, you knew?"

He sighed, "I knew you were on the edge of my mind, but then I felt something probing my brain. No one else was around, except you Val, I can add two and two."

Val's eye brightened, "Did you just make a joke?" she mumbled to herself, "He can still be saved." She turned around to see the faintest hints of a smile. Val knew deep, deep down that he still wanted to live, but his trauma is still very much hindering that.

"I will neither confirm nor deny that," Evan said normally. "So, how do you want to break the news?"

"Of your Light? Or something else?" Val questioned.

"The first option, I have a few ideas…" Evan said, with a hint of mischief. Val knew her Guardian was somewhere in that body of his. He just needed time.

…

Hawthorne was cleaning her rifle and checking in with a team who had placed in a signal booster, then her comm link was flashing. It was Devrim Kay, her old friend, and a great shot, "Suraya, The Guardian is returning, thought you should know."

"Thanks, Dev, how's the church tower?" Hawthorne barely has time to chat with friends, since she became the head of the Farm and leader of the new refugees. Shaxx has been a big help to them, rounding them up, and training those who wanted to learn.

"Empty, cold, and my only company is the Fallen who don't know I'm here." She could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Wanna blanket?" Hawthorne teased. Suddenly, she heard a sound, "I'll talk later, see ya soon." she closed off the link and readied her rifle, as she had just finished reassembling it.

A figure who looked like they were on fire emerged from the trees, flying at high speeds before they skidded to a stop and the flames burnt out.

"Miss me?" Evan asked as he dusted himself off.

"So, you got your Light back? Heard you fancied the Storm," she drawled out. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say as Evan's voice became hard.

"Don't mention that. I'm barely functioning as is, don't remind me of what I lost." Then he turned around.

Hawthorne was shocked at his behavior, but she kind of deserved it, after reminding him of his loss. She quickly dropped from her perch to apologize, "Guardian!" He continued to move, ignoring her, "Evan!" and that got him to turn around.

The flames ignited again and a sword appeared in his hands, on defense, ready to move as needed, "What?" he said through a clenched jaw. He was two seconds away from losing it. She had already tested his patience more than enough.

His Ghost flew in front of him, "Evan, stand down, and hear her out. She didn't mean it. Right?" the Ghost directed the last word with a look, a 'better apologize or I'm not responsible' look.

"I apologize for mentioning it, I thought it would be a less sensitive subject," Hawthorne said, her heart racing as she did not want to be on the other end of his wrath. His eyes screamed pain and suffering. What really happened to him?

The flames burnt out and Evan took a deep breath, "Who and where did you hear it from? Was it Shaxx?" Hawthorne nodded, "Of course, old man can't keep his mouth shut about me. Sadly, those days have passed. When this is all over, don't expect me to stick around. I don't want to be found." He said as he walked away. Hawthorne continued to stare at his retreating figure before remembering she had something to tell him.

"Wait, Evan!" He turned around and gestured for her to speak. "We set up a comm relay to get people to come here and we intercepted a message. Thought you might want to look?"

"Who's it from?" Evan's interest piqued.

"Blue skin, like yours, blue eyes, energy glowing in his face, deep voice." Hawthorne rattled off characteristics of a certain Vanguard Commander.

"Is he bald?" Evan asked.

"Yeah, you know him?"

Evan let out a single 'ha', "So, Commander Cueball lives?" His face turned serious, "What was the message?"

"Better come see for yourself," Hawthorne said, leading him inside to show him. Once inside, the message began to play

"Guardians, the City is lost. If there is any Light left in the system, we rally on Titan. Be Brave…" and the message repeats.

Evan looked at it and said, "I'm going."

"You're not going to Titan. We have Fallen on one side, Red Legion on the other. New refugees come in every day and we are still trying to establish a perimeter." Hawthorne explained, slamming her fist down on a table.

Evan's Solar Light flared in his palm, "I'm going because we need him and the rest of the Vanguard if we are to take back the City. I failed once, but I won't fail again. I will walk miles of treacherous terrain if that is what it takes to rid the City of Ghaul. He took everything from me!" His hand now held a full-size fireball. He took one look at it and suppressed it. He took a deep breath. "I will return, with the Commander."

Hawthorne only looked him in the eyes during his rant. She could see him reflecting on the memories as he spoke. There were unshed tears in his eyes, one that brought back the pain. "How much do you really lose?" Hawthorne was pushing his buttons but needed an answer.

He let out a humorless chuckle, "Hawthorne… I lost my will to live."

His answer stunned Hawthorne, "You're saying that…?" she trailed off as the real meaning of his statement blindsided her.

She looked him in the eyes and saw the truth. His silence was the only answer Hawthorne needed. Hawthorne was appalled. Evan said nothing more as he exited the barn and climbed into his ship, entering coordinates for Titan, with tears in his eyes.

His Ghost stared at Hawthorne, "I was just getting him back. He blames himself in his thoughts, for everything. Should he make that choice, I will follow him, but remember this, he's putting others far above himself. If he was selfish, then we wouldn't be here, at all," The Ghost sighed and twirled her segments. "Hawthorne, you messed up royally. It will be a miracle if he even so much as glances in your direction." The Ghost rushed outside, upon hearing sobs, as Hawthorne was left to brew.

Hawthorne felt guilt take over, while her intentions were good, her execution was poor. Had she worded it better, maybe it wouldn't have escalated to that point. She turned the message off as it said, 'Be Brave.' Hawthorne realized that was what he was trying to do, He's trying to act strong for the rest of us, she thought. Even though she has seen the real Evan, he's doing it for the rest of Humanity. Hawthorne then realized the burden that was placed on Evan's shoulders… It was a wonder how he was still standing.

Lord Shaxx had heard the whole conversation and had seen Evan emerge from the treeline, he was a Dawnblade. A new generation is upon the world it seems. Shaxx has been keeping an extra eye on him because he knows who else used Solar Light. Lena 'Scarlet Flare' Tham. His love, his wife, and best friend. Shaxx knows he doesn't want to talk about it, but it will hurt him, in the long run, to bottle up his emotions. His Ghost may be able to help, but he'll need someone else, and that someone else's fate is currently unknown.

Evan rushed past him, not noticing the giant Titan around the corner, and Shaxx got a look of his face. It was far worse than he thought. Shaxx knew Cruz was breaking, but from what transpired, Evan 'Cruz' Vaash does not see himself living past the end of this war. Shaxx doesn't know what truly happened, and something tells him he doesn't want to find out either. He walked into the barn and he sees Hawthorne sighing heavily scolding herself. "Why would I do that to him? He's trying to look out for us, yet I'm trying to convince him to stay…"

"Because he knows where he is needed next." Shaxx boomed, startling Hawthorne.

After taking a deep breath, "You know, for a big guy, you certainly know how to sneak around." Shaxx only chuckled.

"You shouldn't try to force him to stay. A Guardian's job is to go where they are needed. Right now, he's needed on Titan. He will be back," Shaxx said, his tone serious.

"How much of that conversation did you hear?" Hawthorne raised her next question bluntly.

"All of it. I heard what he said. I heard how he feels, and no one can empathize with him. No one else has the burden he bears. All of our futures lie in that Warlock's hands and I fear he will break before he finishes his mission. His Light reminds him of his love. It pains him to use it because she is not here with him, to comfort him. Solar was her favorite element to use, and now that he is using it without her here, it reminds him that she may be dead."

"What do you mean 'may be' dead?" Hawthorne questioned.

"I mean, he doesn't even know if she's dead, but he is certainly acting like it. It also doesn't help that he may not have accepted the possibility that she is gone for good. His Ghost told me she found a Ghost shell among the rubble in the City that belonged to Evan's wife. Normally, that means the Ghost is dead, and possibly the Guardian along with it." Shaxx explained.

"I saw him with a hood at one point… is that..?"

"Most likely, it is a vow to other Hunters to take a fallen comrade's cloak; That they will be avenged. Whether he knows it or not, he will do anything to avenge his love," Shaxx clarified.

"I still feel guilty for doing that to him…" Hawthorne mused.

"As you should be Madame, as you should be…"

Evan was still crying as Val appeared in front of him. He looked up, and Val saw his eyes, lifeless and cold. Her very core felt it. He was breaking at an exponential rate, maybe he has already broken. Evan slowly let out his hand and Val landed in it. He hugged her close and whispered, "I'm sorry for not being a good Guardian to you. I'm sorry I'm pushing you away. I-I don't know how much more I could take." He sniffled, "I want to end it, to stop my suffering, but I can't be selfish for once in my goddamn life. Why? Just… why me?" his voice broke as his face had tear stains, old and new.

One of the tears landed on Val's shell, giving her the look of a weeping Ghost, which is exactly how she felt, "I will be here with you, to the very end. Know that I will not leave you until my time comes. Please, please don't go. I spent a long time searching for you, and as much as I don't want you to go, I will accept your choice, should you make it," Val whispered knowing she shouldn't condone this behavior, but if she scolds him, it could make it worse.

"I will stay little Light, if only for you. Y-You are the only other thing that I-I care about anymore, and I m-mean that." Evan's voice hitched and stuttered, but Val knew he was one hundred percent serious.

"Do you want to stay here one more night before going to Titan?" Val asked, giving him time to rest.

Evan knew he wouldn't be useful if he was tired and utterly exhausted, "Sure… I guess, but I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight. The nightmares occur and it usually ends the same every time… she dies, by him, and yet I know for a fact that she wasn't anywhere near him. We got separated. It still doesn't help that I don't know what actually happened to her. If I knew, maybe the nightmares will lessen." Evan said, his free hand shaking again. He clenched his fist as he felt his hand involuntarily shake.

"The trauma is getting you. You are most likely suffering from PTSD. You saw a lot more carnage than other Guardians. I can try to heal the more severe damage if you let me," Val said as Evan noticed the teardrop on Val.

"That would be fine, but don't clear all of it. As bad as it sounds, it gives me motivation to push forward. I'm also sorry for crying on you. I just wish this was easier." Evan said, cleaning her shell. It reminded him of times where he would take a day to deep clean all of Val's shells. Ghost shells are important to Ghosts, if you couldn't tell. Sure you could get one from the Speaker, but most Guardians make their own ones to properly represent their Ghosts. "Do you still have the supplies?" Evan asked as he rubbed his finger over one of Val's segments.

"Of course I do, they are marked high on my 'keep on person at all times' list," Val said smugly.

"I think I best clean your shell and your core. It'll take my mind off of all this for a few minutes. Let's go inside where I can do this properly," Evan said rising out of the cockpit of the ship and heading back to his makeshift room in the building opposite of the barn.

Val had laid out all the materials for Evan while she got her shell off. Evan was even nice enough to get a small cloth and put a small hole for her to see. For some reason, if a Ghost doesn't have a shell, they are 'naked' yet they look nothing of the sort. They look golf ball-sized, maybe slightly bigger, with a silver finish, and of course, their eye; Shaped like a diamond.

Evan took a finely tuned brush, dipped it into a special solution and began to get between all the grooves and hard to reach places. He even managed to get Val to give him the paint to restore the shell. As he was doing this, he thought about what he said, what he plans to do… after this is over. He wouldn't be able to do this, to keep up on shell maintenance, spend time with just Val. Val is one of the greatest things that happened to him, but he feels conflicted. Should he or shouldn't he…

"Evan, you're spacing out again. You got that thinking face on," Val laughed.

"There's a face for that?" Evan teased. Maybe all of me didn't die yet. Val's eye brightened as she heard him speak.

'He's making jokes again… please, Traveler, don't let anything ruin this. He can heal, he just needs time, please.' Val pleaded to herself, almost like a prayer.

Don't worry my little Ghost, your Guardian will live. For now, enjoy the moment while it lasts…

Val looked around, but the presence she just felt disappeared and felt an odd sense of warmth. She dug around in her databanks slash her storage for Evan and saw something that wasn't there the last time she looked.

It was the coordinates to a lost artifact. One that may help Evan get his other powers back, specifically, the Storm.

She had to stop herself from completely having an outburst of excitement. Evan could feel her elation but chalked it up to having her shell cleaned for the first time in about a year. Ghost shells don't get dirty, but since the attack, it was due for a major cleaning.

Evan sat there for about an hour, cleaning, and then spent the next hour painting the shell with fast drying paint. He repainted the roses on it, but also added a small inscription within the image. The text was in the image that was buried with the roses on the shell. With a scan and a few moments of silence; the message came out to be:

My Little Light, thank you for everything…

Val immediately phased herself back into the shell and nuzzled Evan's cheek. "Thank you Guardian, for everything."

Evan then kissed the top of her shell before laying down on his cot and setting her on the nightstand, right inside of Lena's cloak. Val took this act of affection a lot more seriously because he if displays affection to someone, they have made his life better. Val felt even more elated than before but slowly powered down, looking through Evan's mind, trying to heal the physic damage that is lurking inside of him.

Hawthorne was doing her nightly scouting when she noticed Evan and his Ghost. He was cleaning her…shell? Her opinion of Guardians was that they didn't care for anyone but themselves. Slowly, but surely, that opinion could change. He obviously cares for his Ghost. She swears that she may have seen him smile. The first one she has seen on his face since he got here, almost two days ago. Time flies by quick when the world feels like it's ending...