The pair woke up early the next morning, leaving a note saying they departed for Titan. Evan checked his weapons while they were en route to Titan. Evan then slept, not peacefully. It seems that anytime he closes his eyes, all he sees is the Tower burning. He wakes up as they approach the moon of Saturn.
"How long was I out?" Evan asked Val.
"Only for two hours, your nightmares weren't as bad this time," Val pointed out.
Evan grimaced, "Yeah, but I still see him doing that to her. It feels like it was burned into my memory. I can't wait for this to be over," He sighed out.
Val turned her shell around to regard her Guardian, "Are you prepared for that? Because you know what you would have to do, right?" Val implied.
Evan thought about the meaning behind her words. In order for Evan to truly have peace, he would have to… "NO! I'd never do that to you! You, out of everything that I know and love, I couldn't look you in the eye and do that."
Ghosts and Guardians are bound for eternity until the Ghost is killed, the bond between them breaks, and the Guardian dies a final death. In the case of the Cabal's attack, it cut the connection to the Light forcibly and made the choice for them.
Evan shook his head at the thought, clenching his hands. He couldn't ever raise a gun to Val, the being that brought him back to life. Not like that one Guardian who hunts down rogue Guardians and kills their Ghosts if they refuse to leave.
Titan came into view and broke the atmosphere; Val spoke into an open channel, "This is City Hawk 718, coming to your aid. What's the situation?"
"Guardian, the Hive have overrun Titan, I was wrong to bring us here." Zavala's voice replied, tense. "We have lost too many Lightless Guardians to the Hive."
"We have our Light back," Val stated with more confidence than Evan felt.
"Impossible…" Zavala said.
Evan needed to say something, "Sit back and let me take this. It's my burden now." He muttered the last part, hoping Zavala didn't hear him.
"Understood," Zavala replied and Evan felt a rush as he was transmatted onto the ground.
Titan was a water-based planet, a methane ocean planet, and due to possible centuries of neglect, the buildings are being consumed by the waves. It is a sad sight to see, and unfortunately, it reminds him of the remnants of the Tower. He closed his eyes to clear the images from his head, but to no avail. The destruction here only further reminds him of his failure. "Evan, your heart rate is increasing rapidly. Deep breaths… okay?" Val said as if she was speaking to a child who just had a temper tantrum. He needed a clear head for this.
One. He continued onward to the Rig, as the chatter in his helmet said.
Two. Val was watching his heartbeat slow. She was always worried about him, and he knows it. If it were Val in this position, no doubt he would worry about her.
Three. He finally opened his eyes and continued to climb and clamber up through the Hive gunk.
The duo was being cautious, no doubt the Hive were waiting to strike. Evan kept the Auto Rifle he acquired at the ready, finger off the trigger, but the safety off. Evan's footsteps were as silent as could be, definitely louder than a Hunter's, who master the art of stealth with ease.
A roar was heard, and Val, ever the observant one, "I have a really bad feeling about this."
"What was your first clue? The Hive gunk? Or the roar? Val, how many?" Evan asked finger over the trigger and a grenade at the ready. Hive Thrall emerged from the gunk is a small corridor. Thrall, the most plentiful Hive, but also quite annoying in large quantities.
Evan opened fire on the Thrall, killing six of them with a half of his current magazine. He threw his grenade at the apex of the doorway, killing around a dozen more Thrall as it fizzled out. "That many."
"Clear… for now, keep your guard up, there is definitely more lurking about. You remember what they say about Hive?" Val questioned.
"For every one you see, there are ten more that you don't see," Evan responded robotically. He's heard the saying before. He's lost some good friends to the Hive, because of their overconfident nature. Fools.
"Zavala, we are making our way through the buildings, what's your status?" Val inquired, she figured constant check-ins would keep Zavala sane. Evan knows he feels the loss from all the Lightless Guardians. Evan knows Zavala means well, but he is going to give him a piece of his mind.
"Steady for now, the main Courtyard outside the command center is crawling with Hive, take them out at your discretion. When they are gone, we can establish a firm foothold," Zavala's voice sounded confident, but there was a lingering sense of something else there. Evan couldn't decipher it fast enough as he emerged outside to see the command center, with the said Hive lingering. He first wanted to check the surrounding area.
Walking around, he did manage to look out to see the buildings and other ships that were lost at sea. Surprisingly, some were somehow still afloat. It was an interesting thing to hypothesize about, given the methane ocean. Then, a putrid smell hit Evan's helmet filters, Hive. Specifically, a Hive breeding ground. Evan told Val to report it in.
"Take it out," Zavala firm voice said. It isn't hard to imagine what his face looked like. Evan took all the time to kill every last Hive he could see. Dawnblade makes quick work of the Hive guarding them. The eggs were a simple shot, but no, Evan took it to the extreme. He let the flames rise and he threw four large grenades. Evan burned the eggs to a crisp and left some large scorch marks. Anyone who passes through this room in the future will learn not to screw with a Warlock with a vengeance.
Evan was panting as he exerted a lot of energy and a lot of Light, more than necessary. "Evan, I swear to the Traveler, if you do that again, you will burn out. Fast. I know how you feel, but that doesn't mean I will let you degrade yourself any further!" Her eye flashed red in her rant, then it went to pink, embarrassed, "I don't want to lose you yet Evan. I'm supposed to be there for you."
Evan looked back at the carnage, and she was right, he might have overdone it, but in his defense, he was still mourning, may not be an excuse to others, but Evan has a soft heart and a stone exterior now. Back then, it was almost the opposite. He was a softie but knew that he had to be tough when the time came to it.
The Hive are a disease, one that they try to eradicate, but always come back from the darkest pits of hell. No wonder Eris Morn was always spouting things about them returning, no matter if we push them back. They seem like the Vex, but the Hive are the closest to pure Darkness Humanity can get.
After a few minutes of vigorous fighting, the entire area was deemed clear and safe. "Zavala, clear to land," Evan said curtly.
"Guardian," a new voice said, "This is Deputy Commander Sloane, heard about you getting your Light back, come on up and take a bow. I'd like to meet you in person," Sloane said.
Evan didn't respond and clambered up to the tattered command center. He took in the vast view and allowed himself to just think. He thought about what was next, where he would be pointed next. A weapon. He only thought so low of himself because he couldn't defend the one person he swore to himself to protect.
The pain he feels is a constant throbbing, but dull enough to not send him into a panic. He has thrown himself to grief and it won't accept him until his task was complete. Evan wants to find peace, but now he has a lot more items to factor in. He cannot make this decision lightly.
Zavala's voice brought Evan out of his thought process, "If the Light can find its way back to you... then there is hope for all of us."
"Only thing is, I didn't want it back," Evan muttered before walking inside the command center and laid down in a random chair that was there. "Wake me when we have important shit to do," and with that, Evan's weariness and possible jet lag caught up with him…
Evan was wondering his mind, asking questions that didn't have an answer. There were questions he asked that had answers but they were never straight ones. They were cryptic, riddle-like, and anytime he would try to ask a specific question, his dreams showed him the things he believed he saw. Lena getting shot by Ghaul, killing her. He wanted to know if she still lived and his mind or some higher power refused to answer him. The pain of it all came back full force, unrelenting, just as the Red Legion was on their assault.
Evan sprang up from the chair, activating Dawnblade, his eyes searching for anyone hostile. Zavala noted the reaction but didn't make a move. Sloane, however, flinched at his actions, "Guardian, you can relax, you are among friends here," Sloane attempted to soothe him.
That backfired as Evan's eyes were focused on Sloane, with a slight intent to kill, and he was volatile in his current state. Val was speaking to him in his head, 'Evan put it away, they are not them, they are your friends. Please stop,' Val's voice strained at the 'please' and Evan's eyes became unfocused as his Dawnblade vanished and he held his head in pain.
Without another word and waving his hand at Sloane's attempt to help, he walked away to think.
Zavala and Sloane were having a conversation after Evan had left, "He's different."
Sloane regarded her commander with a scowl, "Why wouldn't he be Zavala? You told me he went on that Command Ship when the Traveler was captured. Not only that, he had to be separated from his family. He was alone and terrified; It wouldn't surprise me if he didn't plan on sticking around after we get the City back."
"I know Sloane, he definitely isn't the Warlock I knew at the Tower. He isn't Cruz." Zavala said, turning away from Sloane thinking over what could have happened.
"Cruz?" Sloane inquired.
"Lord Shaxx calls him Cruz because of his mastery of the Storm. Evan Vaash was the first Stormcaller of the New Age. He was so lively then, and now, his personality has taken a nosedive." Zavala explained.
"Did he have any family, loved ones?" Sloane wanted to know if he had any emotional attachments, it could be the source of his pain.
"Not that I- Wait… He did indeed." He turned and faced Sloane, "He had bonded with a Hunter, she made him happy…and I believe he hasn't heard from her. I also haven't heard anything from Cayde nor Ikora since the City fell. I cannot assume the worst."
"And he can't Zavala, she was with him, based on the report you had. You sent her with him to back him up, and then everything happened. He has a right to grieve." Sloane argued.
"He's our only chance to take back the City!" Zavala raised his voice but didn't yell.
At that moment, Evan walked in and he heard everything. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about me when I'm clearly here." He looked at Sloane, "I was married. Her name was Lena Tham. We were separated and I didn't get to say goodbye. Thank you Cueball for bringing it up."
Zavala was about to scold him for the disrespect, but Evan raised a hand, "Save it, just point me in a direction and say 'Kill'." Evan never disrespected the Vanguard, much less Zavala, but Evan didn't care right now. "My Light is my burden, my responsibility, and when this is all over… Maybe I will be granted peace. Traveler knows I've earned it."
Zavala was at a loss for words, never in his long life, has he heard a Guardian be this broken, yet still wants to function. Sloane's jaw dropped at his insinuation. "Hawthorne had a mix of both your reactions, didn't expect anything different." Evan's shoulders shrugged.
At this moment, Amanda Holliday walked in, "Alright, I have three Hawks fixed up and in somewhat stable condition, and I-" her eyes locked on Evan. Evan didn't know what happened, but the next thing he felt was arms around his chest, and he tensed, almost lashing out. He turned around to see Holliday regarding him with unshed tears. "I-I thought when I left ya on the ship… I'd never see you again."
Evan only stared but put a hand on her shoulder, "It's good to see you too Amanda…" Evan smiled, closed-mouthed, but Holliday noticed it didn't reach his eyes. He was trying to put up a front.
"Where's Lena?" Holliday's question was soft, but Evan heard it and tightened his grip on Amanda's shoulder, making her flinch.
Realizing he was hurting her he let go, he gritted out, "She's… not here…" Evan walked by, his feelings jumbled once more. Val was in the room, watching the reaction.
Holliday stopped speaking as he walked out, "Amanda, he's been through a lot and he's been contemplating a decision that will affect the both of us," Then Val floated out of the command center, following the sounds of Evan's screams, and the sounds of his Dawnblade projectiles being thrown over the edge.
Holliday asked, "Did I-" a single tear ran down her cheek, she was trying to hold the rest back, but it was slowly falling.
Zavala is the one who answered, "No, it was Ghaul who did that to him, his mood has changed since the Tower."
Amanda had tears now freely flowing down her face. Sloane reached her first and pulled her into a hug, "I blame myself for it. I-I didn't know she was-" Amanda trailed off.
Sloane continued to hug Holliday, "He was doing his job as a Guardian, he doesn't blame you. Please know that he's not in the greatest state. I fear that he will not make it through this. Everywhere he goes, he is reminded of her."
"Is there anything we can do for him?" Holliday asked, wiping her tears away.
"Unfortunately, there isn't. His grief is his personal matter," Zavala said lowly.
Amanda snapped her gaze to him, "You can't say that!"
Zavala didn't reply as he stared out into the methane ocean.
Evan was livid, it's bad enough he has to remember it, but to have everyone talk about it makes that dull throbbing worse. After throwing his fifteenth projectile, his Dawnblade fizzled out as he sank to his knees. "Why must I be the one to suffer? I don't deserve this gift, yet it was granted to me… Val… I ask you again, why?"
"Evan, I don't know the answer to that. You know you hurt Amanda, all for asking a question," Val was pushing it, extremely so.
"Problem is, I don't know the answer. We never found Quinn or her body. So, unless the Cabal took her, she may as well be dead, yet this small part of me holds onto the slim fact I haven't faced her body with my own two eyes." Evan signs, sitting up straight, "See if you can tell Holliday that I want to apologize to her. She didn't deserve that."
Val only shifted her shell in acknowledgment before saying, "Have you made your decision yet?"
"No, and the line I'm trying to cross is becoming hazier and hazier as the days move on," Evan replies, feeling drained. Well, I did just hurl about one too many Dawnblade projectiles.
"Isn't that supposed to be a good thing?" Val asked, her voice low.
"To you, yes. To me, I don't know. If I choose to live, I will live with a hole in my heart forever, and with time it could be filled, but it will never be the same. It will never be closed." Evan said solemnly.
"Come on, I think you owe Amanda an apology, now that you've calmed down." Val cooed as she followed Evan back inside, out of the rain; That just started. Strange, wasn't it raining when they arrived? Did he not notice it before? Well, when Evan is killing Hive, time becomes only a figment of his imagination.
…
A Ghost woke up and immediately bolted up to see fire. Everything was gone, the City, the Tower, and the Traveler. All you could see was destruction and suffering. The Ghost flew over to rubble to see someone lying there, alive. The Ghost swept their scanning beam over the rubble and the Ghost breathed a synthetic sigh of relief.
"I-I've found y-you. I th-thought I lost y-you." the Ghost said, its voice breaking and stuttering.
The person the Ghost was talking about sat up, holding their head. They felt like someone clobbered them into the next week. They looked around for their hood that had flown off, only to find it missing.
"Where's my cl-cloak? Ghost?" The Guardian sat up, aching at every possible joint. The Ghost took a healing beam to them, but it couldn't fill them with what they truly needed. The Light.
The Guardian relaxed their tense posture and opened up their eyes. Their light violet eyes opened, contrasting the pale orange aura around them.
They looked around and locked eyes with their Ghost.
Their shell-less Ghost.
"Quinn? What happened?" The Guardian looked confused, "How am I alive?"
"I don't know," they responded.
"Where is he?" the clearly female Guardian asked.
"Where is who?"
"Where is my husband, Evan Vaash?" She demanded.
...
Alright, I have a plan here, relax, I don't make moves like this unless I have a plan in mind. you think it will go this way? Or that way? Wait until next time...
-Horus