Transcript Excerpt Four: The Shipwreck

Hey down there, boys and girls! This is Boz the Buzzard once again, transmitting to you all from the Fallen Serpent. I hope you're enjoying your little planetary excursion people, not everyday you get to camp out under the backside of a crashed Forerunner Spaceship! Still no word from the expedition team, but we're gonna keep rocking until we hear something. We got a few special guests in the next hour, so stay tuned for some of that. Meanwhile, let's get some life back in this old wreck! This is Alestorm, only on BBR!

[Song: Shipwrecked by Alestorm]

That was "Shipwrecked" by Alestorm, fast becoming our go to band here on Buzzard Buccaneer Radio. Don't blame me, they made a ton of music about my profession. I'm obligated to play them! Anyway, I'm hearing a lot about what's going down at the campsite we got set up around that Forerunner Ship, namely that everyone's itching to find out what exactly is inside. We got some barely minimum news awhile ago, in case you haven't heard. According to one the first reports sent out way, the wreck is called the Dauntless. Which seems fairly accurate, I mean they saw a mountain headed towards them and they just bulldozed into it head first. I don't care if that's not what actually happened, I think it's way funnier if it did. That's the course of events I prefer to believe in. Now supposedly it was carrying a relic in its belly, that's the rumor anyway. Some kind of ultra powerful super weapon or whatever, I don't know. Unless it can turn piss into Ichor Rum I don't really care what it does. But hey, it sounds expensive either way, so that's why we're here.

Unfortunately, the only person who could tell us more is down below with the Captain. And since we're out of contact with them for some reason, Taq can't give us her own expert analysis. I'm not sure how much that matters to you regulars down there. You probably just want to know how many creds it's worth on the market. Or if you're human, you're wondering if it can melt Sangheili brains. Wouldn't that be something? Point is, it looks like we won't get answers until the expedition team comes back. I'm sure they're fine though, it's just a creepy ancient space wreck built by the same people who made those mega kill rings floating around. What could possibly go wrong?

(Ghostly Scream Sound Effect)

Heh, sorry. Couldn't resist messing with you all. There are more than likely no ghosts, I'm about ninety percent sure on that. I'm not sure if they can still hear us down there, as any interference would affect transmissions both incoming and outgoing depending on how deep they are. If they can hear me though, I really hope they send us a call soon. Lets focus on what's happening up here on the surface for now. Our boys are intermingling down there with you humans and everything seems to be going well. I mean, we're not shooting each other despite inhabiting the same space. That's pretty awesome I think, keep that up.

Oh, that reminds me, for those who want to use this downtime to practice their shooting, we've set up an impromptu shooting range on the surface. We've borrowed some weapons from our batarian buds because thermal clips are easier to replace than bullets. If you prefer something more familiar, Professor Mordin Solus of the Normandy has apparently given us a few portable recharge stations for plasma weapons. They're his own invention and they apparently work just as well as a regular recharge station. Meaning you're now never too far from a convenient way to juice up your gun on the fly and then unload a bolt into some asshole's face. The wonders of science never cease to amaze. Get some practice in on the thermal clip guns too though, they're just as handy when you're in a pinch.

If you're interested by any of this, head on over to the east section of the wreck's stern, you'll know you're close when you hear the gunshots. UNSC soldiers are also welcome to stop by. Sorry guys, we only have rocks to shoot. It's a pretty barren as fuck planet, best we can do. I think we'd all prefer some targets that looked like sangheili. Just imagine that the rocks are actually the heads of those warrior cultists. Should be therapeutic.

We'll have more updates within the hour and a special guest interview after the break, but first we got another song for you. I think this one is more than a little appropriate for today. Here's Iron Maiden with an epic high seas adventure track for you all, "Rime of the Ancient Mariner!"

[Song: Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Iron Maiden]

You're listening to BBR. Buzzard Buccaneer Radio! Because some days you just really need to pillage and plunder somebody!

Iron Maiden everyone, great band, powerful music. We should really play more of their tracks honestly, but I get so many requests from crewmates that it's hard to keep up at times. Anyway, I promised an interview with someone special and he's on with us right now. Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Garrus Vakarian, chief weapons and security officer aboard the SSV Normandy. He's currently running operations down on the planet's surface, but I managed to convince him to talk to us for a bit. Great to have you on the show, Mr. Vakarian.

Yeah, I guess it's good to be here. Listen, we're still trying to get in contact with Commander Shepard and the others. So I'm multi-tasking here a little, try to understand that.

Of course, of course, we all have our jobs to do. Let's skip the small talk and cut to the chase then. You and Commander Shepard, you two seem pretty tight. What's a fellow alien bird thing like yourself doing working with a human soldier? I'm sensing a real kickass story there, one the listeners might want to hear about.

There's not that much to it honestly. I was on a case, one that was important to the Commander as he had a vested interest in it. Our lines of investigation crossed and we ended up teaming up to bring the perpetrators to justice. I then stayed on with him and his crew afterwards.

A bit vague on the details there. You could've at least told me about some of the fights you got in.

Well if you must know, our first mission together eventually us getting involved in a gun fight at seedy nightclub. I had to shoot someone using the stripper pole stage above the bar as a sniper's perch.

That's what I'm talking about! You're a fast learner, Vakarian.

I try to be.

So for those who don't know, you're a turian. You're a bit like us, you're an avian species. Just with far fewer feathers of course.

I'd hesitate to say we are alike, but yes, Turians are an avian species. And I'm assuming your next question is about who we are? Well, we're a military power back in our galaxy, providing most of the bulk of the fleet for the galactic government there, the Council. We're a very ordered people, who value community and selfless sacrifice in service to the group.

Hmm, sounds a bit too socialist for my tastes. I suppose as long as you don't force other people to believe in your Gods though I'm cool with that.

We don't really have Gods, our major religion revolves around spirits. We pray to them for guidance occasionally, but we believe they don't really interact with the physical world. They just watch over us and give us the ability to make our own path in life. The choice to follow that guidance is really up to us.

See, that's a religion I could get behind. Total autonomy, no silly commitments, emphasis on free will. I'd probably convert right now if I wasn't a filthy little atheist pirate scumbag. The words of the sangheili I'm sure, not mine. Not that I'm going to argue that much with them on that front. Mostly because they'd shoot me dead before I could attempt to.

I'll admit, I'm not exactly fond of them myself. Mostly because they're trying to kill me and my friends half the time. I think that's something we all have in common though.

Common ground at last. We all hate the sangheili! But lets stay on subject. We were talking about Gods, we're currently in the presence of a ship that the Covenant believes was a chariot for theirs. Now you haven't been in this universe long, but what is yourtake on the Forerunners so far?

At this point I'm pretty sure they weren't Gods, same as you I imagine. I've seen a lot of crazy stuff in my time with Shepard though. The Forerunners and what they've left behind rank pretty high on that scale. Believe me, it's a pretty insane scale at this point so that's a considerable feat. The Forerunners clearly were the dominant power in their era, but even they couldn't prevent their own destruction. If nothing else it reminds us that we can never take our place in the universe for granted. Chances are, there's something out there ready to take us down the moment we let our guard slip.

Hmm, a wise lesson to learn. Well, for most people anyway. Me? I'm gonna live forever.

If you say so. Another thing I'd like to say while we're on the subject is that I've had a lot of exposure to Forerunner tech leftovers. More than my fair share in fact. We're standing more or less in the shadow of their empire, the ruins of what they were. They possessed technology capable of wiping out all life in the galaxy. That's why this mission is critical. If there is functioning Forerunner tech in there, let alone weapons, it could shift the balance of power in this galaxy sufficiently.

And shift our bank accounts with any luck too. You guys get something that can kill Covies, we get a massive cred flow. Win-Win, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, sure.

So how are things working out at camp so far? Still no major brawls I hope?

No, everyone is more or less behaving. A few of your fellow Jackals took one of the Warthogs out for a bit of a joyride, but nothing serious. It took a while to catch up with them and they used the machine gun on the back to write what I assume were various alien slurs on some cliff faces, but that was the extent of it. I'd like to ask that everyone be careful around the UNSC equipment. We got very little of it off of Halo in the first place and we'd like to preserve as much of it as possible. The Huragok may be able to fix anything, but Holland doesn't want to rely on them for any human repairs. Security issues mostly.

Fair enough, you hear that guys? No more planetary excursions with the humie vehicles. They're not our toys, best not to break them like they were. So, more serious talk then, any word from our expedition team?

Nothing so far. We don't know why we lost communication with them suddenly, but as of now we can only assume they've gone too deep into the ship and surrounding caverns for our commlink to stay connected. We're working on some contingencies, but right now we don't have any reason to assume anything is wrong. If we don't hear from them in a few hours, we're discussing sending down a search party. If I'm being honest though, it probably won't come to that.

Specific reason for that confidence?

Shepard is down there. If they have run into trouble, he and the rest of the crew are more than capable of handling it. As are the Spartans and ODSTs and Varvok's soldiers. I've been with them all long enough to know how capable they are. Shepard himself has fallen out of communications with the Normandy on far more risky operations. I fully trust in his ability to get this mission done.

And Zek is down there too, so there's that in their favor as well.

Yeah, uh, sure. Zek, of course. He's... um, capable in his own ways I'm sure.

If you do have to send a search party, are you going to be leading it?

More than likely, if they are in trouble I'm not staying on the sidelines and hoping for the best. Right now though, we're just working on re-establishing contact and figuring out what is going on down there. If we do learn anything new, you'll be the first to know.

Well we appreciate it, Mr. Vakarian. Here's hoping we hear some good news soon. Specifically if it involves how much money we're going to be making off this.

Yes. Profit. That's the really important thing here, no doubt.

That's the treasure hunting spirit!

(Audible Sigh)

We'll let you go now, Mr. Vakarian. Good luck to you down there.

Same to you, Boz. Same to you.

That was Garrus Vakarian, a chief crew member of the Normandy and a most poetic and thoughtful man it seems as well. If he says there's no reason to panic right now than I'm inclined to believe him. Stick around dear listeners, we got more stuff lined up for you today. Right now, let's get back to why we're all really here, to rock out! Here's some Dio for you all, "Rainbow in the Dark." No need to thank me, you just have to listen.

[Song: Rainbow In The Dark by Dio]

Pour yourself another mug of Ichor Rum and strap in, mates. We got more Music coming your way on Buzzard Buccaneer Radio! Where Piracy ain't just a job, it's a way of life!

[Song: Hourglass by Lamb Of God]

Lamb of God, everyone. Very loud humans, I'm surprised they were able to make as many songs as they did. In my experience, humans have very fragile vocal chords. I'm surprised any of your species can keep screeching for that long that coherently. That's a significant musical accomplishment, I hope they're remembered for that if nothing else.

Speaking of Gods, or at least their lambs, being in the presence of a Forerunner ship makes it real hard not to talk about them. I bet some of you are pretty tired of how everything seems to come back to them constantly. Can't for once we find some other ancient race that can stir up trouble for us now and again? Well sadly that's the problem we face when dealing with a dead galactic empire, folks. They were kinda everywhere, so we're sorta stuck tripping over their scraps for the rest of our lives. I'd personally prefer bringing Taq on to talk about this, but she's still out of contact. So instead, I'm kinda stuck fishing for opinions with you guys. I love you all, don't misunderstand, but... well... you probably know as much about the Forerunners as I do. That would be, as the humans would say, Jack-squat. That means nothing, if you were wondering.

So lets open up the commlink lines to everyone, what are your thoughts on our dearly departed alien master race? Maybe if all put our noggins together we can actually come up with a halfway decent thesis on the subject. Oh hey, what do you know, we already got a ton of lights on the board. Caller one, personal take on the Forerunners, go!

This is Corporal Lorrens, Army, well, all I really know is that when someone found Forerunner junk back home, it was a huge deal. ONI sent in a whole research team, basically took over an entire chunk of the colony. Everything I've seen always said to me that the UNSC goes nuts over this stuff. Maybe not to the same level as the Covies, but they still can't trample over each other fast enough to start poking and prodding whatever ruin they run across. Never thought I'd be part of one of those operations myself, but it's not like anyone else is around for once. So at least we're not ruining some poor colony's day.

Sounds like the UNSC and ONI has always had an vested interest in the Forerunners then.

Well that's honestly not all that surprising. If they think they can find a super weapon that got left behind, one that could turn this whole war around in our favor, it makes sense we should try to grab it first. I imagine we've been running into a lot of Forerunner crap over the years though. You'd think we'd have found something remotely useful by now. So another part of me wonders if this is just another wild goose chase. Uh, that's an animal on Earth if you need to know.

Appreciate the clarification. One thing to consider though, not every random ancient ruin is probably going to contain some amazing wonder gun that melts bad guys faces off. The galaxy itself is a big place, so the odds of finding just such a thing already increase exponentially. At least this time it seems we actually have some working intel on what is supposed to be down there.

Well if there is a weapon down there, I'm hoping it is worth all this trouble. Staring at the back end of a dead ship isn't exactly the most exciting posting in the world. Not to mention setting up this whole makeshift camp.

If it is any consolation, I think you're doing a bang up job down there, Lorrens. Alright, next call. You got some Forerunner insights?

About their civilization or if we should really call them Gods or not? No, I don't got nothing like that. I do, however, know a little bit about how their junk is becoming increasingly lucrative on the black market. With the Covies constantly trying to lock down any sacred relics for their personal collection, there are a ton of folks who would pay anything just to get their hands on something they think is divine. Naturally there are a lot of fakes out there because of that, but I know your average sales price for a ton of their shit.

Now that a perspective I wouldn't mind hearing about. What is the going price of Forerunner crap these days?

I don't know about their literal crap, but their tech can get you quite the substantial cred flow. Holographic literature is always a best seller. Personally, what little I could read was all dreck, Forerunners had a really over dramatic way of talking. More so when they were doing poetry. I've seen drives containing nothing but poems go for several thousand creds alone. Star charts like the one that led us here, ranging from the hundreds to hundred thousands, depending on potential value of what you might find there. Hell, bits of metal containing just Forerunner symbols can net you enough credits to buy a top of the line luxury space cruiser. It's insane how much the potential profits have been driven up here.

Ocean's depths! And all this because Covies are clamping down so hard anywhere the Forerunners used to be?

It's the same thing that Lorrens mentioned, they're looking for secret that can help them win the war or whatever. Only they're a lot more cutthroat about it. I doubt the humans and their ONI are going to execute you for heresy by selling this shit. Although taking over half a colony is pretty extreme, murdering anyone who even looks at the fancy artifacts is another level entirely. So even if there's no super powerful relic in there, this ship is still pretty much a money maker for anyone who's willing to play the market. Hell, free advice here humans, start taking this place apart and sell the bits and pieces for literally anything you want! See that Assault Carrier we came here in? Talk to the right people, you could probably buy another two just like it. That would make the Covies piss their pants a little. Food for thought.

I'm sure Colonel Holland appreciates your sound financial advisement on this potential investment, sir. For now though, his eyes are more than likely on the main prize of that relic we keep hearing about. Alright, next call.

If there's one thing I don't miss about the Covenant, it's that we don't have to act like we respect their stupid religion anymore. It was like working for Hanar with psychotic streaks, infuriating. Us batarians never needed Gods to find our way in life.

So you batarians don't have any religion at all then?

We have a religion, we just don't have Gods. They are not necessary. We find religious conviction in moral tenants and philosophy. They form the structural framework of our society, making us the powerful force we are. That's why we call them the Pillars of Strength.

Well now you got me intrigued. What are the Pillars of Strength?

They are sacred texts of our people, imparting to us our values and ideals. What we should strive to be. Order, Duty, Blood and Loyalty, these are a few of the things that make us who we are. The Forerunners are a backward ideal, that some dead species different from your own is something you must bend the knee to. Insanity. They are dead, they are not watching you, they have no power over you. Dead is dead. What matters is the physical, not the immaterial. We must raise ourselves up, not pray to some dead creature long gone to do it for us. To be a master of your destiny, one cannot bow to others. That is true strength of character.

That's a fairly forward thinking perspective. A bit forceful though, and angry sounding.

Apologies, perhaps I'm just not in the best of moods. I'm stuck in the shadow of a dead race right now. A race whose blunders got many of my comrades killed on Halo. I imagine a few humans share that animosity as well, given what that ring almost did to them and everything else in this Galaxy.

I think we're all more or less glad that ring was blown to shit, sir. That's another bit of common ground we share it seems.

Yes, I suppose. ... Humans are still scum though, just... well, not total scum I guess.

Fledgling steps, people, fledgling steps. We'll get together. Alright, lets get another call in. You, thoughts on the Forerunners?

Boz, Boz, don't hang up! This is important, man! So Important! It's all about the Forerunners and what they won't tell you! What no one will tell you!

Son of... Juk! Again? I told you! Seek! Help! There is a shrink on the Normandy! For the love of the Ocean, listen to someone else besides the voices in your head already!

Why? So they can put me on their little pills and silence the truth? No way, pal! I ain't going down like that, not when I got too much to expose!

Yes, because I'm sure being addicted to Sooka Sand is so much different from being medicated via prescription. Just because it is natural doesn't mean it is good for you. Have you ever heard of arsenic?

The Forerunners are a total lie, everything we've ever learned about them is totally fabricated! All of it, man!

Yeah, we know, we lived it. Halo, Flood, potential end of all life in the galaxy, remember that? Trust me, that was NOT a hallucination.

Not that shit, man! I'm talking about what they really are! They weren't all powerful at all! They only got that way because they had been uplifted by their secret masters, the Andromedan Aquatic Reptiloids! They swore a secret pact with them eons ago, allowing them to rise to top of the galactic food chain. Then, when the Andromedans decided they had served their purpose, they sicked the Flood on them! That's where they came from! They forced the Forerunners to kill themselves and reset life in the galaxy? You know why? Because they wanted a clean slate, Boz! They wanted a clean galaxy that was not prepared to face them! The Andromedans are coming back, people! All of them! With the select few elite asshole Forerunners that were preserved in stasis as super soldiers for their armada! They're gonna come here and take us all over in a massive invasion, only we won't see it coming, because the Governments of the galaxy, oh boy, you better believe they already know. They already know and they're just making us all fight each other, softening us up, because they've made that same deal the Forerunners made, Boz! And we're gonna be the ones that pay for it!

All riveting stuff, Juk. You'll probably get an amazing book deal out of it. Tell me though... the fuck do you want me to do about it? Sounds like we're already fucked if any of that is true.

Not if we all band together, head into the furtherest reaches of the Galaxy and hunker down in nature! We can totally survive out there in the fringe systems! They'd never find us! And when all those bastards eventually kill themselves with their own greed, we can rise back up and reclaim the world as our own!

Where Sooka Sand is shared by all, sex with animals is legal and we can be naked whenever we want?

Whoa! How'd you know? Are you... are you reading my mind, Boz?

No, Juk. I know about your plan because you never shut up about it. You constantly yap on about one way or another for us all to achieve utopia. Frankly, I wish you'd switch it up. It has gotten a little old. Also, I don't care what you say, that bestiality shit is gross. That sand is fucking with your head something severe, bud.

We are a part of nature, Boz! Don't deny it! The system just tries to cordon off our natural urge to join it because that's how it keeps us fighting over money! You got to see the light one day! One day before it's too late!

If that day ever comes I really hope it is quick, I honestly do. Because if having sex with animals is how we achieve paradise in this Galaxy, I think I'd rather be dead. Goodbye, Juk! Go to rehab already! Ugh, on that note listeners, I think we need a heavy dose of reality. Like, hard reality. Make you sleep for days with the mother of all hangovers reality. Here's Judas Priest with "Down in Flames" for you all. It's what happened to that ship after all. Aliens from Andromeda? Kooky Sand fucks you so hard. Seriously, where does he even get all that Sooka out here?

[Song: Down In Flames by Judas Priest]

If you even think about touching that dial, we'll keelhaul your ass! This is BBR, Buzzard Buccaneer Radio! Where lawlessness is the law!

[Song: Hall of the Mountain King by Savatage]

Savatage, Hall of the Mountain King, again, I thought it was appropriate. Even though from what I can gather the song was about a troll of some kind. Not ancient spaceship. Ah well, same difference. Anyway, quick cut in right here. We have a direct announcement from our Shipermaster's Second. That's right, Retz is on the line. He's my boss as well as yours so do show some respect, please. Take it away, sir, you're on.

Thank you, Boz. I've decided to break my usual hands off policy with BBR. Zek and I put the idea forward, but it is ultimately Boz's baby. I didn't want to use it to make personal announcements or issue decrees, that was never its intended purpose. However, there has been a fair bit of scuttlebutt about things given current events. I'm here to lay these concerns to rest right here and now.

Yes, by technical lines of succession as outlined by the code, I am in command until Zek returns. However, it is only a temporary measure. Shipmaster Zek will come back in due time. If he does not, we are going to head in to find him. No, we are not just going shrug and move. No, sucking up to me because you think he's dead is not a good way to get my favor. I am the acting Captain, and I do not appreciate you treating my friend, your boss, our leader like he's already gone to the Grotto of the Abyss.

I suggest you all STOP making assumptions, because if he is alive, rest assured I will tell him about any further talk concerning your elation at his possible death. It will not go well for you. Until further notice, he is your Shipmaster and I will not tolerate insubordination while he is away.

Also, in other news, the galley is having a special tonight. We've combined the human food known as the hamburger with some of our own meat we have aboard. We've dubbed it the Colo Burger, I understand it is quite delicious. There will be a special presentation of a film called "Gamera: Defender Of The Universe." It involves a giant terrapin creature of some kind that shoots fire out its mouth and flies with rocket boosters in its shell. ... Okay, that sounds... intriguing. I do hope to see you all there. Now excuse me, I must get back to a program I'm enjoying. It is an animated series about some long-eared rodent and how he constantly screws over people who are all attempting to kill or inconvenience him. It is most hilarious. I do wish he didn't seem to have it out for so many birds though. Well, whatever. This is Retz, signing out. Keep up the good work, Boz.

Thanks, Retz, just doing my job. We'll be right back after this number everyone, don't go anywhere. We got a special segment coming up, another one of Zek's film reviews. For now though, let's keep the rock going!

[Song: Seasons In The Abyss by Slayer]

The music you loot and plunder to, only on BBR! (Plasma Cannon Shot Sound Effect)Buzzard Buccaneer Radio.

Boz the Buzzard here, bringing you another pre-recorded segment from our beloved Shipmaster. He may be down in that shipwreck doing Ocean knows what, but so long as it's making us rich I'm cool with it. Here's hoping we hear from him directly soon. Until then, let's remind you all what he sounds like. Today's segment actually involves something fairly relevant to today's mission, treasure hunting. So sit back and enjoy.

For many a young pirate, there's this persistent dream that it's not all blowing up transports and stealing whatever you can find inside. No, we all want the easy loot, the kind that's more or less just sitting there cause the idiot who left it behind died a long time ago. Buried treasure, ancient relics, they're the fantasy of many a pirate since before space travel was even a twinkle in someone's eye. Unfortunately, life is rarely like the holos. Not many people actually bury their investments anymore. Far too many pirates both old and new prefer to spend rather than save. But that doesn't mean treasure ain't out there, as our current course of action is proof enough. As you all know though, there are folks out there who hunt buried treasure for a living. Taq is one, and today I bring you the story of another, a human named Indiana Jones!

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" is an action packed treasure hunt involving the race to find and secure a powerful artifact. One that could shift the balance of power in favor of a bunch of douchebags called Nazis. I don't know what their deal is, but everything about them screams order, bureaucracy, militarized bullshit and a number of other things any self-respecting kig-yar hates. Think sangheili with their warrior cult garbage, but cranked up to full blast. They're after this ancient chest or something, called an Ark. It apparently holds some kind stone tablet thing with rules or whatever on it. I wasn't really paying attention to that part, it got into a bunch of religious stuff and I tuned out.

But they did stress it was extremely valuable and could potentially be used as a weapon. So the guys who don't want the Nazis to get their hands on it go to Doctor Indiana Jones, a professor of Archaeology and noted treasure hunter. The vid even starts with him on a different treasure hunt where a lot of jerkwads backstab him in their attempts to cheat him out of his prize. Including one slimy turd called Belloq who plays it supremely unfair by enlisting the local Natives to help swipe the idol Indy was after right out of his hand. This guy is such a fucking tool, let me tell you.

Indy survives that encounter, barely, and gets enlisted to go after the Ark. He takes up the job because, well, who wouldn't? Sounds like it pays extremely well. Knowing teaching salaries, assuming they're not much better on Earth, I'm guessing the paycheck for finding the Ark was too good to pass up. Along the way, Indy picks up an Ex-Girlfriend of his who has a piece of the puzzle that can help him find the Ark. Gotta say, their relationship kinda hits a little too close to home at times. So, yeah, let's just say it's very easy for me to sympathize with Jones in this movie. Sometimes too easy.

What follows is pure high-stakes adventuring, the only kind worth embarking on. As Indy fights through Nazi goons left and right. He also shows once again there's a little bit of kig-yar in humans. I don't want to spoil much, but there's a scene with a swordsman that, honestly, I gotta try next time a sangheili tries to pull some of that "honorable combat" garbage. I tell ya, the action scenes in this vid are top notch. There's this fight involving this aircraft of some sort. Indy's up against this big bad ass muscle bound jerk, he knows he's outclassed, but he takes him on anyway. That's a guy determined to get his treasure, let me tell you. Again, I won't spoil how it ends, but it's a total gas! Could not stop laughing for a good while. Let's just say that inevitably the big Nazi couldn't make the "cut" in the end. Heh, heh. Oh, and there's this amazing chase sequence, where Indy has to take control of this truck while it's moving. For a teacher he's pretty damn good at hijacking cars let me tell you. Again, this human will just not quit! The more you try to keep him from his treasure the more pissed he gets! It's awesome!

Speaking of, that music in this one, oh man! Perfect! As in they could not have captured the spirit of adventure more expertly than they did here. It's got this great rising action that just sustains this high level of drama until the very end. It really puts you in the mood to punch some dipshits in the face and go treasure hunting.

Now, I can't give away the ending, because... holy, that was one way to end a vid. I feel like one has to see it to believe it. If I try to describe it, well, you're gonna think I'm fucking with you. I'll only say this, I really hope that the relic we're after does not have a "do not look" clause like the Ark has. I really, REALLY do. The ending is satisfying all the same, although I have to wonder why it seemed Indy felt so down. He completed the job, he obviously got paid for it. Hmm, maybe he's just sad he's not gonna get recognition for all the Nazis he punched to get it. I also don't get why his Government ain't using the Ark as a weapon or anything. Wasn't that the point of it? Again, trying not to give spoilers. Indy does come out on top on this though, he just doesn't seem as happy about it as he should be. No idea why. Then again, that's not much of a spoiler. If you know Indy, nothing is gonna keep him from getting his treasure. Fuck all the lame ass warrior cult douches in his way! Doctor Jones is going to beat your skulls in and raid all your tombs! Best just get out of the way honestly.

Overall, "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is a terrific action piece about a treasure hunter who faces the odds, finds his prize and kicks a whole lot of ass getting to it. The whole vid just goes to show you, the hunt for fortune and glory ain't limited to one species. Let's hope our treasure hunting goes about half as well as Indy's did. This has been your Shipmaster Zek with another vid review. See you down at that shipwreck, boys!

And here's hoping we see you again soon as well, Zek. And that you bring up a lot of treasure from that old hunk of junk with you. Okay, time to get back to the music. Here's another track I think you're all really going to love. This is Mastodon, only on BBR.

[Song: The Motherload by Mastodon]

If you wake up smelling of ichor with a bloody cutlass in one hand and a bar wench in the other, congratulations! You're living the pirate life! BBR! Buzzard Buccaneer Radio.

[Song: Holier Than Thou by Metallica]

That was Metallica with Holier Than Thou and this is Boz the Buzzard, back with you again! We got a full hour of non-stop music coming up but first we- ... Oh hang on, we're getting some kind of call here. Uh, might be a request. Hello, you are on with Boz the-

Oh you gotta be kidding me! Of all the comm channels, this is what I connect to?

Um, excuse me?

Ugh! Whatever! This is Cortana to all Surface operations! We have found the relic, I repeat, we have found the relic! We encountered some major resistance down here and we have wounded in need of treatment. Threat has been neutralized, but our ability to contact you was hampered! We are using the Forerunner's ship communication systems to boost our signal to you!

Well, uh, good to hear from you guys! You found the doodad, huh? Sweet! Hey, is Zek with you?

He's fine, I don't have time for an interview right now. I need to brief Colonel Holland.

I understand that, but we've all been out of the loop a bit and we'd like an update. What did you mean before about resist-

Unless your name is Colonel Holland, please shut up. Can you connect me to him or not?

Alright, alright, geez! Are all you humie Synths so pushy and angry?

I have had a trying day, Mr. Buzzard. I'm not really in the mood to say please and thank you right now. Holland. Now. Then you can get back to blasting music into everyone's eardrums.

I'm doing it, I'm doing it. Relax! Just give me a second, I got to ring up your secure line and patch you through. Ocean's Depths, Synths are so damn anal at times. They're always so uptight. It's probably because they know they can never get laid.

I heard that.

-End Transcript-

Mordin's Analysis: Subject group at this point exhibiting clear atheistic pattern. Kig-Yar society already documented as largely non-religious. Belief in higher power non-existent. Material world more valued than any spiritual reward. Space Pirates disdain for religion most assuredly amplified by treatment under Covenant. Thus anger and distrust of religion centered generally on Forerunner legacy.

Open hostility to religion not a roadblock to using it for personal gain. Sale of religious artifacts on black market evidence of that. Kig-yar will not turn down profit. Will seek to gain through the exploitation of the beliefs of others. Sacrilege a non-concern. Consequences of religious authority discovering actions more prevalent.

Explains attraction to favored music genre. Heavy Metal often critical of religious authority, if not religion itself. Kig-yar finding outlet for aggression bottled up for years. Music voices similar thoughts and feelings concerning religion. While songs do not reference Forerunners, similarities clear to pirates. Lyrics and themes remind them of suffered transgressions. Now free to explore those thoughts without consequence.

Suggestion, anger could be used to advantage. Grudge easy to play into. Stealing Forerunner artifacts from Covenant act of defiance. Promises profit. Would make it easier to convince Zek and others to act in our favor possibly. Would be reliant on situation, of course. Way to get them to do what we want nonetheless. Take into consideration. Perhaps devious course of action. Imagine kig-yar themselves would approve regardless.

Official Report:

Professor Solus' conclusions are fairly enlightening. The Forerunners have been a consistent sticking point for Zek's people. The Covenant forced them to worship a bunch of Gods they didn't believe in. That would be enough to anger anyone after a while. If it is possible to use this to our benefit, we should try. I'd personally like to manipulate them for a change, honestly.

Retz is clearly loyal to Zek, perhaps uncharacteristically so for his species. He did not use Zek's extended absence to seize more power for himself. Nor did he appreciate others trying to brown nose to him just in case he did end up being the permanent Captain. This is a rare admirable quality for a Jackal to possess. It's something to keep in mind. I don't know what exactly his motivations are, why he remains so loyal, but it's safe to say Retz will always be in his Shipmaster's corner. Whether that is good or bad we'll have to see.

Some of the men are clearly starting to get more comfortable around their former enemies. This is preferable to them always being at each other's throats, but I wouldn't assume anything. Cooperation is not the same as being friends. I think the men in general have just come to accept that the Jackals and batarians have no current reason to really betray us. Not now anyway. The animosity is still there, it's just not as prevalent. Perhaps Boz's little show is actually succeeding in normalizing this, frankly, bizarre situation. He's constantly speaking to everyone, human and alien alike, as if they're his friends. It makes him, and by proxy all Jackals, less of an other and more of a consistent presence in their lives. This is why more Marines are at ease contacting the station now than they were a few days prior. They're getting used to this.

I can't honestly claim I hate that. In a way I'm actually okay with this. The less we have to worry about open hostility between the factions the better. I think the recent Syndicate problem we had is proof enough we don't need UNSC personnel running around trying to settle grudges. We need to maintain order in this fleet, and for now that means cooperating with our strange bedfellows. But I highly stress this point, this does not make us allies nor friends. We have to maintain our guard with Zek and Varvok's people. Our interests align for now, we can't expect them to always stay that way.

For now, I think at the very least, this little "treasure hunt" we're on should keep the peace. The Jackals love to profit and if they think that playing nice will earn them a ton of cash, they'll keep playing nice. Which means less trouble for us in the long term, making it easier to get the remaining relics and keep them out of the hands of the Covenant. So long as we pay by the end, and I see no reason not to. I think the UNSC and ONI will forgive us for writing a paycheck to a shipload of pirates. We can't claim they didn't hold up their end of the bargain after all and it would do us no good gaining more enemies. Besides, having pirates on our side, ones that might enjoy harassing the Covenant once we go our separate ways, doesn't sound all that bad.

Shepard is right about one thing, it wouldn't hurt to keep them on our good side. So long as they remain on ours.

-Signed

Lt. Elias Haverson

Office of Naval Intelligence