Buzzard Buccaneer Radio

by General Rage

Boz the Buzzard hosts this pirate radio station, beaming out music to the Normandy, Fallen Serpent, Crusty Chorka and Ascendant Justice non-stop. BBR has only one mission, to keep Rock n Roll alive in the dark void of outer space. A companion story to "Remnants" that shows what happens while Shepard is off playing hero. Part of the Wormhole Chronicles Saga.

6. A Whale of a Tale

Transcript Excerpt Five: Whale of a Tale

(Heard it Through the Grapevine By CCR)

You're listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival on Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, with your host Boz the Buzzard. BBR, we lay down the scurviest of tracks, all day, everyday. Why? Because no one can stop us from doing it! That's why!

Hey there listeners, Boz here again, taking a station break from our little exposition of Creedence to get some calls in. I hope this easy going music has helped settle some nerves after the crap that went down in that wreck, because it's high time we start talking about some things. That last song in particular has me thinking about all this scuttlebutt going around. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, half the flotilla knows by now.

The Astral friggin Cutlass! Holy shit! That old salty sea legend just might end up being real! This is no bedtime story, mates. The Cutlass is apparently some kind of Ancient Forerunner artifact and we might just have a map to it! Crazy, huh? Now, I'm itching to find out what my fellow Kig-yar think about all this. I'm sure all of us at one point or another has thought about what it would be like to hold the Cutlass itself in your talons. Well, now that might just end up being a reality. So let's get your calls in, hear your thoughts. Is this real or unggoy shit? Oh my, the board is all lit up now! Let's get to answering. Caller One, what's your take on this?

Yeah, mom always did keep talking to me about the Cutlass. Favorite bedtime story of hers, she passed it along. I have half a mind to call her up and tell her that I might actually be looking for it.

What's keeping ya?

Me thinking she might try and beat us to it... also security protocols and junk. I don't like the idea of the humans monitoring outgoings.

Hey, with Snarlbeak and the Covies on our tails, probably best we don't transmit where we are. Okay, line two, you're on.

The Astral Cutlass is probably the most badass sword ever! Seriously, we get our hands on that shit, we're made for life!

If it's real.

Course it's fucking real! You think the old birds from yesteryear would make that shit up all on their own? No one is that creative! Why make a bunch of pictures and funny drawings on walls and in books if it weren't real? I mean, what would be the point? Where's the profit in that? What would they have to gain?

Lucrative merchandise deal. How many toys can you sell to hatchlings about a badass magic pirate sword? Chances are a lot. Okay, Line Three, your thoughts?

It's a sword that mother fucking sacked heaven! Mother fucking heaven! Fucking boss! That is so damn cool!

Well, allegedly, that is just a song.

Let me have my fantasies, Boz! I've already learned the Ichor Wizard and the Golden Reef aren't real, let me have this one!

Far be it from me to talk about taking away fantasies, but it's hard to believe in a pirate lord sacking the domain of the Gods. Unless that means it sacked the Forerunners, but that's just confusing to me. I mean, why would a Forerunner sack his own city or whatever?

Well maybe it wasn't a Forerunner? Maybe it was like, you know, a kig-yar! Yeah, what if like the kig-yar were actually super advanced! Yeah, they were super advanced in prehistoric times and somehow achieved like space travel and then they invaded Forerunner territory. But they lost and then the Forerunners like punished them by reverting us all to a primative state!

You haven't been in the Sooka Sand too have you?

No! I'm not like Juk, I'm not an addict! I... I'm just saying maybe there's a precedent, Boz. Maybe we were actually like on the Forerunners' level and all that shit about the Sangheili being chosen and shit is garbage.

Nice to dream, but I don't think I really care if we were ever a match for those dead morons. I mean, it is kind of moot given how they all actually died. But hey, whatever floats your boat. Maybe the Cutlass did sack heaven... it would be badass if it did. Next Line!

This whole story sounds ridiculous. And back on Earth we have a holiday tradition about a dude in a red suit who delivers presents to good little boys and girls in one night.

Does he rend whole fleets in two and defy Gods regularly?

Not really, no.

Then maybe you need to upgrade your myths a bit, make them more metal as fuck, as you would say.

Look, all I know is that it's a lot crazy shit to base a whole mission on. Going back to Reach? That's all the scuttlebutt is about now. We barely escaped that place alive, seems like we're headed back for really dumb reasons.

Technically from what the rumors claim, there's more than one reason we're going back. Not all of them related to us mind you.

I'm just letting everyone know, we did not have fun last time we were on Reach. A lot of Marines are going to get pretty emotional about going back there. Not in a good way either. I'm not sure anyone really wants to have to go back down there. Which is why I'm really hoping this is a Spartan only Op. I mean, it's what they were born to do, right?

That's above my paygrade, sir. I just jockey tunes. I'm sure the Spartans can more than handle whatever shit is thrown their way down there though. I wouldn't worry about them. Speaking of tunes though, time to get back to the music. We're still working our way through CCR, time to roll another song onto the airwaves. And with Reach on our minds again, I got a song about our continued journey through the stars. This is "Up Around the Bend", only here on BBR.

(Up Around the Bend by CCR)

After a day of pillaging, why shouldn't you relax a bit? Pull up a chair, lay back and keep listening to Buzzard Buccaneer Radio. Because you've earned it swabby.

(Hey, Tonight by CCR)

Yeah, tonight and every night, BBR brings you the rock you need. This is your host Boz the Buzzard, still working through our showcase of Creedence Clearwater Revival. Little something about these guys, I've been researching them. Yes, I can read. I got an education, unlike most of you. See, their musical tastes apparently were a lot more diverse than you imagine. They had their ears tuned to all kinds of human genres, emphasizing the highs and lows, the up tempo and the down bass. They drew inspiration from stuff like country music and soul and blues. That's a lot of differentiated styles. And hey used that to speak to everyone who listened, no matter their creed or origin. I like to think of us like that, you know? A bunch of different people of different backgrounds all drawn together like some kind of... I don't know, extended flock of birds, not of a feather, but of a purpose. Mainly in wanting to ruin the Covenant's day, but also united in our desire to live our lives how we wish to live them.

I don't know, maybe it's the sauce talking, maybe it's just all these good vibes from the music... it's probably the sauce. I've had quite a few Ichor Rum Chasers by now. What do you people think? You think we're friends now? Call on Line One, answer please.

Fuck you.

Okay, I walked into that one. Hey you know, whatever. We're getting there. I like to think we're all just one happy little flock. Even flocks can bicker and squawk at each other. It happens! Anyway, let's get back to the tunes then. This is "Proud Mary", keeping the big wheels turning on this road trip through the stars. Keep it here on BBR, but then again... what else you gonna do? HA!

(Proud Mary by CCR)

BBR, Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, where the pirate life is the only life. Eat, drink, be merry, and listen to the rock. All day and night.

(Travellin' Band by CCR)

The CCR Showcase keeps rolling on easy like, but we got some time to kill before the next back to back. So let's see what's happening around the fleet shall we? Okay, first up, we have a Sergeant Sternberg in the UNSC Marine Corps, it's his birthday today. Like hatch day, but with no egg because mammals are weird like that. Happy Birthday, Sergeant. Here's hoping it has been worth celebrating.

Next, something for the Normandy crew, Thomas Hawthorne has set up a small sports game thingy in sector eight portside of the Ascendant Justice's overgrown belly of a hangar bay. Plenty of room to throw around something called a pigskin... huh, sounds more like something to eat than throw. Well, whatever, if you want to join in sign up fast because there's no telling when they'll have enough free time to do this again.

Lastly a quick warning from Taq about trying to get weapons out of the desecrated bodies of the creepy robot things that tried to kill us. The message reads simply... "Don't", as quick and to the point as ever. If you're unaware, apparently the weapons those robots used are located inside their cranial cavity. However, it is tricky to get them out of there and Taq doesn't want anyone to accidentally destroy the guns inside because people get all grabby over them. So, again, don't.

Now to take some calls, I wanna hear your thoughts on the going ons about the ship. Maybe someone has some news to share, maybe some personal thoughts. I'm taking it easy today, why don't you? Call one, you're on. Anything going on with you?

Just thinking about Reach, it's all anyone can think about. It's... it's not the best experience remembering a whole planet getting glassed. Not sure how that runs in Covie circles, since it seemed to be your favorite thing to do.

We've never glassed a planet, sir. Corvettes mainly watch as the bigger ships do that. We're basically fire support. Now, I can understand if you have animosity towards us. But like I keep telling every other Marine who calls in... we didn't really do much on Reach. We arrived pretty late to the party with the bulk of the taskforce. All we really did was fly low on search patterns for possible military installations and we found none. Mainly because Zek circled around to see if there was anything left worth salvaging. You know, parts on the black market?

I'm not sure if that makes it better, but that's not my point. I'm not here to cause a scene or anything, I'm just trying to see if you guys get it. That this isn't about a treasure hunt for us. Sure, that might be cool on the surface, but we're dealing with heavier shit. Do you know what happened on Reach?

Same as always, the Covenant flew in and murdered a whole planet because it thinks humans are abominations for some reason and need to be cleansed. It's stupid and makes no sense, but that's how they operate.

You didn't get to see Reach like it was. You arrived late, like you said. There were homes there, lives. A thriving community of people, good people. You didn't see that from space. Or in your ship. We did. We saw all of it.

Well, I'm sorry you had to endure that, sir.

I'm not looking for pity. I'm not here to shame you. I'm not petty. I just want you to know, we went through hell down there. A meat grinder. A lot of friends did not make it out with us. More friends didn't make it off Halo. We're all that's left of a few soldiers who experienced that hell. All that's left of a company of Marines and Army guys who fought like hell to just get out of there alive. Us going back is like asking us to return to the house where our parents were murdered. You understand? It's not a vacation for us.

I honestly think a few of our people can relate to the situation. We... we lost a lot of good people too on Halo. Quite a few of them to the Flood.

So did we, no one's special. Everyone has lost someone. But I hope you can at least understand. When we get angry, when we're pissed about the shit we're going through, it comes from a place we were stuck in. Now we're going back there and none of us are particularly happy about that. That's all I want to say right now. Thank you for your time.

Thank you for sharing, sir. I know this can't be easy. But, in our lives, nothing ever is. Pirates and soldiers don't get that luxury. Another thing we have in common in my mind, adversity. How we deal with it. Mainly by killing it dead. Anyway, let's get back the CCR Showcase, put ourselves in better spirits. Here's one that think might connect with a few people's fears about all this. "Tombstone Shadow", next on BBR.

(Tombstone Shadow by CCR)

Piracy means never having to give anything back, but that doesn't mean we can't share in the spoils. Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, give us your ear and we'll give you the tunes. Now that's a fair business transaction. Here's another classic, straight from us to you.

(It Came Out of the Sky by CCR)

Call me sentimental, but I'm getting rather nostalgic with all these songs. I don't know, could be all that talk of Reach and what it meant to the humans. Or maybe it's because I grew up in the sticks and this feels like it speaks to me, you know? So, for just like a minute, let's try and talk about home. Yeah, yeah, I know, a pirate's home is his ship, but you know what I mean. Home, as in homeworld, Eayn. Been a long time since a lot of us have seen the place, we'll probably never go back. I mean, the Covenant aren't gonna want us around there, that's for sure. We're pretty much stuck in space. I imagine a few of us got some memories of Eayn, back before we joined up with the Covies or became crooks or whatever. So, why don't we open the Lines and share some? You know what, why not have everyone join in? Share memories of home, guys. Wherever you're from. Let's actually get to know one another damn it! I mean, we're living together, why not share? Line One, you're on.

Eayn, I haven't been back for years. I still dream about it though. Boz, you remember the jungles? You remember the heat? Felt good. Nothing like space, so much more... inviting. I prefered living out in the rainforest, further from everyone, everything. Just quiet. Peace.

I stayed in the jungles for a while myself, but more or less we always ended up headed to the city outskirts. I always wondered what it would be like to live in a treehouse when I was a kid though.

All I know is that it was the perfect place to hide and make bootleg ichor! Granted, not as good as the pure stuff. But whatever gets you drunk right?

I suppose, although the first time I tried any of that stuff I went blind for a whole day. So I got a bias.

You got a bad brand then, Boz. There's an art ot the bootleg system. It really depends on what substitute animal you use. I mean, you don't got the luxury of Chorkas nearby. At least not the fresh stuff. Only the best booters can head down river, get to the ocean and get back with some ichor for any kind of mix. But the ingenuity of someone who can figure out how to make something just as good without Chorkas is undeniable. I don't miss the bugs though. The itching every other night was a bitch.

Well that's one improvement concerning space travel, no bugs. Caller on Line Two, you got a homeworld story?

Yeah, I grew up in a port town. Let me tell you, I always prefered the action of urban life. Every dive, every scum sucking hole in the wall, there was history to all the nooks and crannies. It's where history was made! Where all the best land gangs became legends, the Alley Slicers, the Dockside Sleekers, and of the course best damn crew in town, the Tunnel Razors! We had sweet jackets and an emblem of a Razorfin on'em! No one fucking messed with us!

Uh, I heard the local Covenant Military Enforcement Division did.

Oh, they were nothing! Assholes got their patrol units all marked up by us regularly. We out drove, out ran and out fought those bitches everywhere. Truth is we just got bored and left after a while, decided we needed a better challenge.

That's an interesting way of saying your hideouts were burned, several of your leaders hung up in the streets and when you left the planet they shot some of your escape ships out of the sky.

Hey, whatever. That just proves we pissed them right the fuck off. Tunnel Razors Rule!

Riiiiigggght, okay, anyone else with a story of homelife? Line Three, you're on.

Yeah, um, I was in the city in the North for my formative years... but later on for reasons that were totally not my fault and were charges that were compeltely false, totally a misunderstanding... I had to go south.

Oh Ocean, the souhern continent? With the Ibie'shans?

The same, more lizard than bird, honestly. They're like... swamp people. Bunch of bumpkins, which would make things easier if they were stupid. But they're not. They're as smart as any kig-yar... but they got more muscle and more aggression. They're freaky, Boz. Really freaky. Like they look at you and you wonder... maybe they want to eat me or hell, they probably just want to practice shooting.

They can't be all bad. I mean, I know they're kinda... scary looking... but they're still us. They're still kig-yar.

I lived with one in the same shack for over a year. He liked using energy daggers to carve friggin symbols into his skin. And he made me watch too, cause he was a fucking werido. Sometimes he took me out hunting. He liked injuring the prey before killing it dead. Said he wanted to look into their eyes and watch the soul leave.

Okay, that is... disturbing. But, I'm sure there were normal ones around.

Relatively normal by his standards. Thing is, they knew they were beefier, so they could push you around more. And because they were smart they liked fucking with ya mentally, they knew they freaked you out so they used that against you. Made you pay for tabs, give them a ride, marry them after a one night stand.

Uh, say what now?

Look, I got into their heavy ichor, I thought she looked way less bulky. She took me home and on top of not being able to walk straight for a week, I had to either marry her or she'd get all her brothers to pound me into paste!

How'd you get out of that one?

Why do you think I answered the "crew wanted" ad back in the day?

Oh, well in hindsight the answer is obvious. Okay, next call, homeworld story, Line Four, you're talking to Boz.

Well, I'm human, so my homeworld isn't the same as yours.

Hey, I said all homeworld stories are welcome.

Well, I come from Earth, directly. I know most other people here are from inner colonies or the like. But, I'm from Earth. Honestly, my life wasn't too different from some of your other Callers. I was never in a gang, never really took part in any crime, but I did grow up in some lower ends of the cities back home.

Do tell, within reason of course. Security you know.

Yeah, well, cities have gotten way bigger over the years, but more built up than out in some place. Smaller towns back in the old days, they've become bigger. I guess that's why so many leave for colonies, no more space back home really. Eventually, someone has to fill the lower reaches. We were on the cusp of all that. Not the best place to be honestly.

How'd you make it by?

Odd jobs mostly when I was young. Eventually though, the money wasn't enough and with the war going on and rations and all that... you inevitably had to accept the writing on the wall. So I joined up.

What's it like volunteering for a cause? Kig-yar aren't used to that, we either get paid or we get forced.

It's a lot more noble, more purposeful. I feel like I belong to something greater than myself. I have an extended family, people who watch my back. Never had that before. I guess it might sorta be like a gang, but we're not shaking down people or anything. We're here to protect our home, help it survive, give hope to humanity and all that.

And you believe that? It ain't just propaganda?

Not to me, not to a lot of guys. Not after Reach. Look, I get you and your fellow birds, they got forced into being the Covenant's lap dogs and then you bit them. But... well, your home is still there and probably will be for years to come. Even if you don't want to go back it's still there. Earth? The Covenant are on the front doorstep to it now. Everyone knows it. This is more than just our survival here, it's about humanity's. If you don't fight the Covies, you get to live. No consequences there. But... well, we don't got the option. We gotta fight or we're dead. I keep hearing you birds go on about freedom, how important it is to you. Well... we don't got that yet. Not until the Covenant back off. We don't have the same luxuries you do.

I can see your point, human. I truly can. I don't think many of us will argue you got it rougher. But this ain't our rumble. At least I don't think it is. I mean, if you had the option to back out if we were the ones in trouble, if Eayn was going to get glassed... would you rush in to save us?

I can't really answer that, and I'm not trying to convince you to do something like that for us. But, I just felt like letting you know our side. We do kinda want the same things, but our fight is going to be a lot more protracted and bloody and hellish before it's through. I guess I'm saying, try not to take the freedom you got for granted. As bad as it might have been working for the Covenant, try being their enemy for as long as we have.

Well, we are their enemies now. I know we're not friends at least. If it's any consolation though, part of me does hope this Astral Cutlass can do all they say it can. And, maybe it can give your Earth a new lease on life when it cuts through the Covie fleet.

That's a nice sentiment, but I think I'd prefer a more tangible super weapon to something in an old sea tale. Halo was supposed to be a superweapon after all and look how that turned out.

Heh, a fair point once more. Alright, let's get on to the next Caller. Line Five, you've got the comm, squawk away.

Oh, um, sorry I guess I hit a wrong connection.

Who is this?

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, I was just half listening to the show while I worked. I was actually trying to contact someone for an update. I've been a bit disoriented lately, I probably contacted the wrong frequency and didn't check.

Well, no need to hang up, why not join the conversation?

I probably wouldn't have much to add, I... my people don't have a home planet like most of you. Well, we had one-

Oh, right, I heard about that. Sorry... but how about you just talk about where you quarians live now. I hear it's kinda like our little fleet.

Hmm, not exactly. It's not cross-species like this situation. But, there are similarities. The quarian live aboard a flotilla, we call it the Migrant Fleet. We travel the stars, gathering resources and at times trying to find a decent home. It's a bit difficult given our... less than sufficient immune systems.

Yeah, you guys wear envirosuits like the Unggoy, except you can breathe the air just fine. It's the stuff in it that will kill you.

Well more likely it will make us sick, it depends on what we breathe in. It's complicated, more akin to an allergic reaction that contracting a disease. It was always a bit of a problem, but the sterile environments of the Flotilla's ship just exacerbated it.

They're nice looking suits at least, I've seen some images. Watched a few... quarian centric films in my off time.

Oh, really? Like what?

Oh there was this one where a bunch of quarians pull off a heist to get this thing they need from some warlord to help their Captain. Fun ride, called "The Zen'Qual Job", I think.

Ah, well to be fair, not all quarians are thieves. No more than the usual amount. Most of us are just well-meaning people trying to make our way in the galaxy.

Well this was technically a more positive portrayal. I mean, they kinda needed that item to rescue the Captain's daughter from those crooks.

Yeah, but supposedly it was because the Captain used to run with their crew when he was on his pilgrimage and it came back to haunt him. It's a bit of a mixed bag.

Pilgrimage, that's your adulthood thing, right? You guys go out into the galaxy and... find stuff to take back home?

More or less... but we don't steal it. We earn it.

Not implying anything. Our old ways had a neat rite of passage too. We had to go out into the ocean, navigate a storm and come back safely. Now a days it's mostly shoot this thing from a fifty yards away or some kind of strategy game against your mother.

So, is that how you become true pirates? You beat your mothers at chess?

Nah, our rite of passage was the same as Zek's. We plundered our first cargo hauler!

Right, of course, silly me.

So, how's the Normandy looking? Bet you're happy to be back aboard after the shit that went down in the Dauntless, right?

Oh it's good to be back in an engine room. Especially one that isn't crawling with killer robots. I have to say though, the experience was... bracing. There's certainly more to Taq than there seems. She's a very capable and intelligent female. Reminds me a bit of a friend of mine.

Heh, our own Shipmaster dated her for a reason. So, what are you working on down there in the engine room?

Special project, I imagine some of your people already know about our attempts to merge our Mass Effect technology with your Slipspace drives. It's slow going, but we're making progress.

Meaning human ships might end up being faster than the Covies before we know it?

Well, maybe not all right away, but with the right components they could be. For now, this is mostly a way for us to travel more independently on our own, away from the fleet. We can be of more use if we don't have to constantly concern ourselves with docking all the time with the Justice just to get around.

I suppose the Huragoks you acquired are helping out a lot? Most of the engineering crew aboard our ship are jealous.

They have good reason to be, they are amazing creatures. But given everything you've been through on your ship, everyone should be impressed with how you've managed to keep it working without them. Especially with all the upgrades and additional systems you've added to it. I keep trying to get permission to get an eye on the specs, but we're still working out the details.

Well you're welcome aboard any time, Ms. Zorah. We're a very welcoming group of vagabonds ourselves.

Heh, that must be a rarity among you pirates.

We're one of a kind. I imagine you're aware of that by now.

I think I am. Now I need to get back to work. Nice talking to you, Mr. Buzzard.

Call me Boz, Mr. Buzzard is my father. Heh. Anyway, nice hearing from you, Ms. Zorah. Now, I think we've been away from the music long enough. Let's get on the interstellar highway with CCR. This one is going out to our friend from before, who had to endure the swampy south. Just a little old fashioned nostalgia trip we like to call "Born on the Bayou," only here on BBR.

(Born on the Bayou by CCR)

Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, the rock might not have been ours, but it is now. Thanks, Joker! We owe you one! He's another hit from the archives of Earth, straight to you!

(Green River by CCR)

We're back talking and squawking folks. Boz the Buzzard here once again, hoping you're enjoying the Creedence Clearwater Revival Showcase today. We got more from them coming up, but I felt like we should get a better picture of exactly what the Astral Cutlass really is. A lot of you have heard the story by now, but here's someone who can better fill us in on things. Our resident Forerunner expert, Taq! Always good to hear your voice, ma'am.

As yours, Boz.

So, let's cut to the chase. The Astral Cutlass... for real?

All evidence suggests so. If I had an actual legal career as an archeologist to stake I'd bet it. This is a weapon that has fascinated pirates for longer than any kig-yar can remember. Even those who do not follow the pirating creed know of it. Until now, many simply wrote it off as a child's story, that only the exceptionally mad or foolish believed it.

Were you ever one of them?

I learned pretty fast, skulking around Forerunner ruins, that legends and fairy tales aren't always wild fantasy. There is more truth in them than one would suspect. There were some who even doubted Halo's existence, just not in public of course.

Right, right, but still... the song-

The song is a fanciful sea shanty sung by half drunken sailors that were out in the sun too long eating pickled vegetables and rancid fruit. They embelished. The original texts for the legend are far more simpler to digest. Supposedly, there was a great pirate lord in ancient times, so powerful that no navy or army could face him and live. He could not be caught and he could strike at any time. The source of his power was a blade, said to be forged in the heavens themselves. How he acquired it no one knows, but he did eventually use it against someone truly powerful. Powerful enough to retain the distinction of a God.

The Forerunners.

Likely, unless there was another group of Gods running around out there. I hear the humans have a few. Nevertheless, for his crime, the pirate was beset on all sides by the unyielding wrath of celestial might. Needless to say, it ended badly for him. Even with all his power, he was no match for this enemy, they simply overwhelmed him in due time. It's not said how, but I suspect even the Astral Cutlass has its limits or even a weakness. Perhaps sacking heaven drained it of its power. The sword was taken, its power locked away and the location of the blade lost to history.

So is this sword metaphorical or what then? If it's Forerunner, it has to be some kind of energy weapon, right?

It could be a ship or device, plasma weapon, maybe it really is a sword, I don't know for certain. I highly doubt though that it looks anything like our regular energy cutlasses though. The depiction of the thing in the texts looks like a radiating blade, stronger, brighter and bigger than anything we've been able to create. Then again, best not to put too much stock in pictures. The story iself was likely distorted over the millenia.

People have gone after the Cutlass before though. Back when everyone thought it was still on Eayn.

Oh yes, there are many well documented stories of the search for the Cutlass by Golden Era Kig-Yar pirates. Further back than even the Covenant's formation. Supposedly, whole fleets of ships searched for the Cutlass, following clues and little scraps of information. Most of them ended up false, but it didn't stop many a pirate from waging war with one another if it meant finding it. You have to remember, it was a brutal time back then. We hadn't even discovered modern medicinal techniques, we were still using bandages and wooden splints or replacing blown off legs with crude custom appendages. Whole fleets burned killing each other over silly legends and stories.

Did anyone think they got close?

One pirate felt she did, her name was Rutk-Kul. She and her clan, "The Hurricane Riders", travelled far wide across the great ocean. They got their name for slipping into the worst of storms to escape pursuit from their enemies. Everyone always suspected they'd die in there and never be seen again. But they always made it out, whoever followed them never did. Rutk-Kul wanted to find the Astral Cutlass in order to cement her legend and set out on a quest to do so. She ended up circumnavigating the globe, documenting her voyage within her journal in painstaking detail. She ended up finding what she believed to be an ancient ruin, where she theorized the Cutlass had once resided when it was on Eayn.

However, it was long gone. Rutk-Kul was disappointed, but she did not seem to mind the failure. She concluded the blade had returned to the stars and that could still be found. She ended her journal prophesizing that one day, "Kig-yar will touch the sky and embark from this world to plunder the stars. By the will of the void and the ocean, perhaps in our search for fortune, we shall also find glory. The Astral Cutlass waits for us beyond our tiny world, a great adventure for those past my own time. May the winds find them favor." She died ten years later in comfort, on a island she retired to with all the riches she had plundered in her search for the sword.

You seem to admire her, if you don't mind me saying.

Rutk-Kul was more than a Pirate Queen, she was a symbol of what our species is capable of. She was an explorer, a visionary with a cunning mind. She foresaw a time when even we would reach to the stars. When we would become one with the cosmos and expand into the black void. Also she was the subject of some of my mother's expeditions. We were searching for Ancient ships she had sunk or had belonged to her fleet. So, yes, I do admire her abilities.

And she was the first one to suggest the Cutlass was somewhere in space? Very forward thinking for her time period.

Like I said, visionary. Of course, by the time we did reach the stars we were caught up in more selfish pursuits and ordinary concerns. And then the Covenant showed up. So interest in our own stories and legends fell by the wayside the stupidity of their ridiculous cult took over everything. What we have here is a chance to complete a quest that was started by kig-yar long before us. It's practically our birthright.

You think we stand a shot at finding it now? It's been way longer than I imagine most would think of even bothering.

With these humans and the other aliens at our sides, I'd be more surprised if we didn't find anything. This is more concrete evidence and proof that the Cutlass is out there than anyone ever had, more than even Rutk-Kul. We can't just let it slip us by.

We wouldn't be able to call ourselves pirates if we did. Now then, let's get back to the music. And because we're talking so much about wonder and adventure and all that, how about something that evokes that feeling we all had as kids? Back when we were all thinking of treasure hunts like Rutk-kul did. This is "Lookin' Out my Back Door" on the CCR Showcase.

(Lookin' Out my Back Door by CCR)

Buzzard Buccaneer Radio is your one stop frequency for all your classic rock needs. Here's another hit on our CCR Showcase, so pour another round and sit back, mates.

(Down on the Corner by CCR)

Okay, okay, we're back, sorry to interrupt again, but we've just gotten a HUGE info dump from up top! That ship we engaged on patrol? Turns out, it had some interesting cargo! Get this, mates, Zek has just reported this to Retz directly. There were Chorka on board! You heard me, Chorka! Holy crap! This is amazing! They're just babies, but Zek is thinking this is how Zhoc runs his bootlegging operation, like he just carts around pods of these guys all over the galazy or something! And these little guys were going to their next stop for that. Well we just liberated them! You were all worried about running out of Ichor? We just got ourselves an unlimited supply! So call in, Lines open quick thoughts and questions, I'll try to tell you what I can! Oh shit, the board is totally lit up! Okay, rapid fire, let's get through this, one!

Ocean be praised, please tell me there's a bunch of them!

About three or four from what the latest report says. That's a good chunk of ichor each, Line Two!

Do we know from which part of the ocean they're from? What kind of current? We gotta know!

We'll find out when we can, all we know is we have them. Next?

How old are they? The alcohol content depends on age! Entirely on age! We got babies or juveniles? Are we dealing with soft or hard here?

They appear to be past their toddler phase, but if you combine enough of the extract together you can actually make a decent beer. We just need the right equipment. Next!

Do we have recipes? Snarlbeak's vintage has all kinds of flavors, totally different quality. We can't get the same stuff out of it without the right recipes.

From what I understand not really, but I'm sure we can pull some ideas of our own out what we get. The point is we have them and we won't go thirsty! Next Line!

This is the greatest thing that had ever happened in the history of ever!

Indeed it is, now, next call?

Okay, what is the big friggin deal with this damn ichor? Seriously, it's all you birds go on about! It can't be that good, can it? It's... wart bile and shit.

Ah, an uninformed human. Well my good, man-

Private Dunn, please just explain what is up with this shit you drink?

Simple, while most people are aware of beer and processing it into a delicious compound to consume, ichor from Chorka is naturally alcoholic. Kinda like fermented fruit, but from an animal source, not a plant one. From what we can tell, it comes from their diet, little plants and stuff they eat down there in the deep. Small fish that also eat said plants, that sort of thing. It gets reprocessed into their system and comes out their blisters. Said blisters cover their whole body, they're not exactly pretty. Thing is, they're not really blisters, they're glands. Oversized glands that essentially secrete enzymes from their body. They use it for multiple things, attracting food, confusing predators, mating season. We're not sure how or when, but far back in history our earliest sea faring ancestors discovered you could drink the stuff and get super buzzed.

So, what? They couldn't drink sea water so they started sucking on whale warts?

That is the popular theory, I mean, long voyage, nothing to drink... you see a bunch of sunbathing sea mammals with some kind of goo pouring out their backs you get desperate. Just makes sense. Over time we discovered better ways to get the stuff and refine it, much like your own brews and beers. Which are... nice. They're not bad... but not as hard as Ichor honestly.

Are you saying your whale goo is somehow better than regular old human beer?

I'm not saying it, I'm just stating fact. Don't take offense to it.

Oh it is on, I am going to find some ichor, I'm going to drink it and see how long it takes for me to lose my shit! I can down a dozen beers and not feel a thing! Your whale slime ain't got nothing on us!

We heartily accept your challenge, Private Dunn. In the meantime, we have another piece of news from our shipmaster. Zek has another vid review and we're here to share it with you all. Take it away pre-recorded Captain!

Is it just me or do I have swords on my mind? I mean, we're all a bit sword crazy right now I think. Swords are a big deal with us pirates and we got out fair share of sword stories. Little did I know until now that so do humans. And it's not all with pirates either, they got all kinds of people who use blades back on Earth. Take this vid I saw recently, Highlander.

So get this, there's this ancient group of immortals who have existed for a long time. They train for centuries and shit, learning how to be badass with swords. Why? Because the only way they can die is if someone decapitates them. Try as you might, I've seen them human guns... not many are good at cleaving heads. So if they don't use swords they can't do the killing. Why would they want to kill each other? Why not mind their own damn business? What other reason? Friggin profit! Something called the prize! Slice up enough fellow Immortals until you're the only one left and you get supreme knowledge over all things! Talk about cutthroat competition. Heh, sorry, couldn't help myself.

We follow one of these Immortals specifically, human by the name of Duncan McCloud. Cool name, even cooler at cutting down dipshits like they weren't nothing. Weird he don't sound much like the people in his little tribe though, his accent sounds... funny. Not the funny way it should, just different funny from the rest of the people around him. Eh, that's not really important.

What is important, is that whenever you kill an immortal he friggin explodes into a damn lightning storm! I probably should've mentioned that earlier, but it's the first thing we see of McCloud. He kills a guy and the whole fucking building he's in starts jumping with electric bolts and exploding cars! Then we cut back to his past life, him learning about his role as an immortal, how he's going to live out all his loved ones, how he needs to prepare to fight other immortals, all from this apparently Egyptian-Spanish fellow who talks a lot more like the people McCloud's tribe is made up of than he does.

Okay, all that is really confusing. But again, not important. What is important is that the Immortals are fucking swordwielding badasses! And the baddest of them all is this fucking mega freak of nature called the Kurgan. Think Sangheili on whatever they feed Jiralhanae in the body of a human. He's this baritone fucking beast of a bad guy who has it out for our hero for some reason and is intent on winning the prize. And he's got the perfect opportunity, cause the Immortals are all converging. It's called the Gathering, like the ultimate duel. By the end of it, only one Immortal is going to be left and McCloud needs to either seize the prize for himself or let the asshole Kurgan take it.

These two are on a collision course cause they got a history, as immortals probably would being able to live forever. Kurgan just keeps goading McCloud into fighting him, like tormenting him and everyone close to him. And it's all leading up to this huge confrontation where they're just gonna throw down.

Of course, before that the two are in this temple or something, but they can't kill each other. Something about Holy Ground being forbbidden. I guess you gotta have your safe zones when everyone is after your head, literally. But why a temple? Makes no sense, especially when folks like the Kurgan have no respect for it. Maybe being an atheist and an alien to human culture just makes it harder for me to understand. Kurgan though, he's got this whole spiel that I have to admire in this scene alone. I mean, his utter disdain for religion is admirable at least, as is his pursuit of singular profit. He's a douche about it though, that's a bit far. But hey, he's got a point at least, it is better to burn out than fade away.

That's what this whole story is about really, it's about putting your neck on the line. The fact you can't hide from the call of adventure or when death is staring at you in the beak. You need to go after that prize, that goal, before someone else gets it. Someone who don't deserve it or will fuck you up with it. So when you have a chance to hide or fight, when the stakes are something so damn powerful, you gotta go for it. That's our life is about. We see something, we gotta take it. Ancient sword or infinite knowledge, if the prize is worthy enough to die over, then it's worthy to claw, bite, kick and kill over. McCloud's journey in this vid is one of discovering the ultimate goal, the one so many have dreamed about, the one that was always beyond their grasp. Now he has the opportunity to take it and when push comes to shove, he goes for the fucking gold. I hope we can all learn from this vid... and have fun watching some kick ass sword action. This is Zek approved!

Well, that's another vid on our watch list folks. Now, it's getting late and I think you've heard enough of me talking. So, for the next couple hours, just straight on non-stop music. Keep it here on BBR in any case, he're Midnight Special to sing you off into the night.

(Midnight Special by CCR)

---

Mordin's Notes: Jackal culture values more than just credits. Knowledge of past is revered. In some circles at least. Legends of their heritage clearly important. Loss of species identity most likely cause. Covenant subjugation forced cultural shift. Outlaws now only ones who remember past. Become arbiters of culture. Fascinating. History and myth, not usually important to criminals. Have elevated pirate folklore and stories. Last bit of heritage they own. Only thing they can own that wasn't stolen. Only thing purely theirs.

Chorka similar. Part of history. Part of Kig-yar technological progression. Allowed them to conquer ocean. Spread out. Fed adventurous spirit. Got them drunk also. Taken away when Covenant arrived. Tradition of Chorka Ichor refining and drinking wholly their own. Go to extreme lengths to protect it.

Noted somewhat melancoly tone. Some Jackals miss home. Not Theirs anymore. Taken. Left homeworld to find new purpose. New family. New home. Again, one they can own. Independent of Covenant. Interesting paradox. Jackal history fraught with theft. Taking of others property. Truthfully only real desire to hold onto what was taken from them. To retain what little they can claim is truly theirs alone.

---

Professors Solus' analysis lines up with my own. The Jackals are clearly more like the pirates of our history than we gave them credit for. They do not have a country of their own, they abandoned it. Lost it. All they have left is memories of when they were greater, when they sailed across the sea and stars taking whatever they desired. Their Golden Age is dead and the Covenant killed it. Their only motive now is to try and recreate that in some small way.

This Astral Cutlass is clearly part of that. It is a symbol of what they strive to be. Fearless, independent and wide reaching. They want the Cutlass to be real more for what it represents rather than what it actually is. It is a symbol of the power they could wield.

I'm skeptical of the actual existence of this blade, but given all I know now about the Forerunners I am open to the possibility. I'm just not sure if it is wise to go after it. Keeping the artifacts out of the hands of the Covenant, that I agree with. Returning to Reach itself is the best course of action to accomplish several objectives. The sword itself? It might be more trouble than it is worth. We don't have time to deal with a treasure hunt now, at least not more than we're prepared to handle. We have an Earth to get back to and save. Zek and his crew lost their world, but I have no intention of living out on a ship for the rest of my life, seeing it as the only country I can call my own. Mostly because the Covies glassed the real one.

That's the difference between us really, more than anything else. The Jackals have already given up on their home. Willing to squeak out a semblance of what it once was for them, a simulation. Us? We're not ready to call it like they are.

We'll see how things develop, for now, making sure the Covenant don't get something like what we uncovered within the Dauntless is more important than anything. If it is another power source akin to the relic that we now possess appears to be, I'd shudder to think what would happen with it once plugged into a Covenant Plasma Cannon. And that is presuming it is another power source and not something far worse.

The Chorka are a new wrinkle, but not entirely one without some benefit. Zek is going to need assistance to keep those creatures taken care of. We can possibly provide that help to him, at a price. I'm sure Zek would appreciate that sentiment. For the time being, at least they have a cheap and easy way to get their Ichor. We won't need to worry about them heading off for another "beer run" on some other pirate station and getting us all killed because of it.

Another thing, Boz seems to have gotten seriously attached to his position. His place as the go-between of human and alien. He's growing fond of humanity, perhaps it's all the music. Maybe he just enjoys talking to us. But this excerpt makes it clear, he wants to be seen as our friend. Whether or not I believe he's truly gotten soft is irrelevant, what matters is I think it's what he wants. To be accepted, to be considered one of us. It makes him a bit more open, a bit less closed off. Perhaps there is something to Shepard's designs, his hopes that we can become... true allies.

Again, time will tell. It depends on what we find on Reach.

Signed

Lieutenant Elias Haverson

Office of Naval Intelligence