Excerpt Six: The Amplifier Incident
You are listening to the Iron Maiden Rockathon Experience! With your host, Boz the Buzzard! All Maiden, all night! Up the Irons! Only here on Buzzard Buccaneer Radio!
(Dream of Mirrors by Iron Maiden)
I only dream in blaaaccck and whiitteeee! I only dream cause I'm allliiiivvve! Oh what is happening listeners! This is Boz the Buzzard and let me tell you, I am alive, I'm living the dream but I'm wide frickin' awake! We are not even halfway through the massive lyrical genius of Iron Maiden's catalog. The night is young, my brethren! Hell, I'm not even on my third bottle of ichor and I am already buzzing as fuck! Ha ha ha! This is the Iron Maiden Rockathon, a full night of Maiden tunes. I said I would do this and fuck me if I don't keep my promises! Let's go to the lines, see how you beautiful birds and apes and all species in-between are enjoying this musical journey. Line one, you are on!
That was an awesome track, Boz. Real psychological. I felt like we were on a cosmic trip... you know, besides the quest for the Cutlass of course.
Every day is a cosmic trip with me, my bird. The Buzzard will take you into the void, teach you how to fly!
Whoa, bud, what have you been drinking over there? You've sounded extra friendly for a while now.
I'll be honest, Retz gave me permission to test out the tastes for the baby Chorka's ichor we snagged. Just to see what we can sell it as, you know, give my own personal... seal of approval. And it's good and all, but, you know baby Chorkas. They don't gots enough of the sauce in'em yet. Ain't developed enough. So I uh... I kinda mixed it in with some of my special stash.
Wait? You've been Chor-Mixing? Hey, careful, mate. Even with baby ichor, you can get some pretty loopy results from all that.
As long as I can work these consoles and beam out tunes, I am good. My tolerance is- *HIC* ... My toleran- *HIC* My tolerance is com- *HIC* My tol- *HIC* ... I'm good! HA HA HA! Oh man, I feel so damn good! Music and ichor, always puts me in the mood. Now, since we're headed into the darkest hour of the fleet time cycle, let's hit up another song to celebrate! The shadows are creeping in, so best you watch behind, cause if you're alone, if blackness is all around you, you might feel a chill, or a stare... or just the Fear... Of the DARK! HA HA HA!
(Fear of the Dark by Iron Maiden)
BBR, for all your late night rocking hits of centuries gone by. Forget sleep, we got more music, coming up now!
(Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden)
The Iron Maiden Rockathon will continue, so stay tuned, here on BBR!
Boz here, back again for a station break. Listeners, I gotta confess something. I know not many of us are looking forward to going back to Reach. Heck, I even know some fellow kig-yar who aren't thrilled. Oh they still want to go after the Cutlass, but they don't like the idea of going into a hot zone while the Covenant are after us. And you humans got some bad memories of the place so that's a given too. Truth is, I actually want to go back at this point. I want a fresh perspective on the planet. Oh sure, it might be glassed to shit, but really, why let that stop us?
Seriously, we should use the time to go back and reflect on exactly what happened there. Where we were not so long ago. A bunch of pirates forced to participate in a cleansing operation that we didn't even believe in to begin with. Our human compatriots, forced to flee in defeat, worried what tomorrow may bring. Now though? The Covenant Armada that glassed the planet? Obliterated. Us? Free and clear! Talk about coming from dead last and emerging fucking radiant from the muck! That's us people. That's the crew of the Fallen Serpent and our human compatriots in a nutshell. Fucking survivors! If nothing else we share that in common.
Now look, I know, we're still in a shit way and we're not all friends really. But, think of how far we've come, you know? Isn't that just a little reason for optimism? That maybe someday, we can cooperate on a more even keel? I like to think no one here would object to that, especially if we get paid and a few Covie dipshits wind up dead, right? Everyone wins on that front!
Anyway, we won't be heading down to Reach in any case, word is that's the Spartans' job. That's what everyone keeps saying anyway. You know, we haven't really talked much about the Spartans, have we? Seems incredibly unfair. I mean, they're a huge part of this fleet's overall efforts. I know what a lot of kig-yar have said about them. They're big, they're scary, they can pound our skulls in flat. Maybe we should bother to ask about them from the other perspective. Tell you guys what, we'll get back to the music, but when we hit our next break, I wanna know more about Spartans. Let's give them the spotlight here for a bit. They make a lot of what happened here possible.
Okay, our next song comes as a request from some Marines down in the third deck barracks. Feels like we should've played this earlier, oh well. This is Iron Maiden's... um, Iron Maiden. Yeah, lets spin that up for a bit.
(Iron Maiden by Iron Maiden)
The rock will continue even after morale improves... well so long as we have enough Ichor anyway. Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, for all your pirate music needs.
(The Prisoner by Iron Maiden)
Yeah, none of us are numbers, we're all free men... or birds... or whatever else we have aboard this ship. Does anyone know what that crazy blue lady is descended from? Squids? Eh whatever, okay, I promised a Spartan spotlight and I got a few takers. So line one, you are on.
Corporal Kerns, um, Fifth Marine Squad, I got a few thoughts on the Spartans I guess. Mainly, well, Master Chief saved our asses.
How so? I mean, there must be a lot of instances of that.
Well after we crash landed on the ring, we really thought we were screwed. Covenant everywhere, unknown terrain, low on ammo. We really thought we were done for and then here comes the Master Chief and Commander Shepard over the rise. Now, not knocking Shepard, he kicked a lot of ass, but Chief didn't have those crazy powers he does. All the same, he moved like lightning all over the place. Dropship coming down, enemies pour out of it, he races right up to their advance and mows them down like blades of grass. I'm telling ya, he's a machine!
Speaking of that, are they actually machines? I keep hearing how he's a cyborg and stuff.
I think it's complicated, I think there's something cybernetics grafted onto them maybe. Like their bones? I don't know. All I know, is that none of us would be here without them. You Covies probably would've bowled us over. Oh, uh, sorry, I mean, not you... specifically. You're not Covenant anymore.
Slip of the tongue, it's understandable. Adjustments need to be made.
I guess what I want to say is, I hope you respect them, okay? Chief and those Spartans, we all look up to them down here. They're what Marines wish they could be. I know I do.
Trust me, kig-yar respect anyone who could probably kill us in more ways than we could imagine. That's one thing you should never doubt. Next line, you're on.
Private Coates, Army Engineer, I was on Reach during some heavy operations. I know quite a bit about Noble Team. Not much I can say, other than they're pretty badass. Especially Noble Two, the one with the robot arm. That lady is fierce.
The Nobles are different from Master Chief, right?
Different generation, all I can really say in confidence on an open channel. That doesn't make them any less badass though. If you'd have seen Noble Two in the field, you'd know. I think that new robo-arm has only made her more insanely good at kicking ass. When we were a part of the raid on the crashed Autumn, getting fresh supplies, she had some crazy moves. Like... electroshock attacks from her robo arm. She grabbed one guy, blasted him with it point blank. I think it melted the Covie's face clean off that's how nuts it was.
Forgive me if I still don't want to cut off my arm for a robot one. Although I can think of several advantages, I prefer having all my limbs.
Same, but it's a pretty cool looking arm. Just goes to show you, doesn't matter if a Spartan has lost something, they can still make it work. That's what Spartans are really, they're humanity's first and last line. The soldiers who go in and wreck shit like hell. The Covies just can't handle what they can do. I mean, you've been with them, right? You know how they operate.
Very little imagination, religious bullshit doesn't allow for it. Weird how that is huh?
Not a problem for humans, getting creative is our specialty. The Spartans are just more adept at it. They can see possibilities we can't. I heard about how when they landed on the ring, Noble Two took charge of her group of survivors and held off the Covies and with a little help, managed to fuck over their jamming signal. You don't get this far in a fight without being a little unconventional, that's what the Spartans are.
Pirates love unconventional thinking, it's our whole deal. No wonder I like these guys. Okay, line three.
Private Tully, Marine Sharpshooter, this isn't like a war story, but I've seen 058 down at the shooting range set up in the hangar bay.
Oh yeah, that's becoming a pretty cool hot spot for folks. Nothing like letting off some steam by shooting thing. Any pirate will tell you that.
Uh, yeah, well, I thought I was pretty good, but 058 is a whole other level. Even Noble Three, who I hear is an expert with a rifle, he follows her lead a lot I hear. You'd be surprised what she can pull off. She managed to richochet a round off a side wall and hit a target behind cover. It was a crazy trick shot, the kind they told me not to make in sniper school. I guess when you're a Spartan the regular rules don't apply.
I think it's more based on how skilled you are really. Zek is a sniper himself, he's pretty good at it. Maybe not a richochet master, but you should see him when he lines up a good shot. I mean, he's fired off rounds into space, shooting targets through the forcefield in the hangar bay for kicks. Took down three just floating at a hundred yards.
Well did he shoot six flying targets with only three bullets? Cause 058 did. Not a single one touched the ground with a big old bullet hole going right through them. She's go percision down to a science man.
Huh... well, maybe some time Zek can challenge her to a sniper contest. I know wouldn't, but I know he loves a challenge.
Heh, good luck even getting her to agree to it. Spartans aren't big on personal wagers. I tried to pair up my skills with her, figuring I'd lose but, hey, how many people can say they lost a sniper contest to a Spartan right? Anyway, she turned me down, said the only competitor I needed was myself. It wasn't about her thinking she was better than me, just that if I kept comparing myself to her I'd never get better.
So, she wouldn't take up the challenge is offered?
I think you'd need to convince her that it would be worth something more than just bragging rights to say you tried.
I'll keep that in mind then. Anyway, I think we've delayed long enough on the tunes, listeners. Lets get another song in quick. Then, we got a special treat you are all going to enjoy. This is "Caught Somewhere in Time", so keep it locked here on Buzzard Buccaneer Radio! You won' regret it.
(Caught Somewhere in Time by Iron Maiden)
The Night is young even if the rock is old! Keep turned to BBR all night long as the Iron Maiden Rockathon continues!
(The Wicker Man by Iron Maiden)
And the time has come here, for another Shipmaster Zek review! Now, our good Captain is currently attending the opening of showing of the Ascendant Justice's public theater. Recently set up jointly by everyone aboard to give all those who wish it a chance to kick back, relax and watch some vids. This way, those who aren't comfortable visiting the Fallen Serpent for a vid night don't have to miss out anymore. It's neutral ground after all, that's what the Carrier is, right? Currently, they are showing every single film in the... Evil Dead series. Not entirely sure what that is myself, but with a title like that I'm guessing it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Then again, I'm not sure a film called Good Living would be all that exciting by contrast. Sounds like a decor instructional vid.
Before he went off to the proceedings, Zek left us another review... well, reviews. You see this time it's not just one movie, but several. Anyway, you'll see what I mean. Take it away, Zek.
So humans have a strange fixation on killing each other it seems. I'm not really talking about history, every species has some kind of murderous past, us included. I'm speaking of their vids. They have a crazy fixation over finding ways to murder characters in gory gratuitous ways. I can't help but love them for it. A Sangheili would write a story with as little emphasis on the gore as possible, speaking only of blood in some kind of symbolic sense. Where it's about honor and clean kill and whatever other boring garbage they like to kid themselves about concerning war. Humans, they will remind you of every horrible gut wrenching detail for pure shock effect alone. Just like us. Because it's not a story worth telling if you don't spend a little time talking about all the blood that is caking the walls after the fight scene dies down.
Enter the Friday the 13th vids, a series of films basically devoted to blood and guts aesthetic of storytelling that one would expect to get sick of it after three. This franchise lasted for over ten! Including a crossover with another blood drenched series. The vids star a recurring human serial killer named Jason Voorhees. Wielding a machete, just like mine only not plasma-base, Jason takes delight in waiting around for a specific weekend date, the 13th of every month that happens to wind up on a Friday, to murder a bunch of folks at a campsite for funsies. Or revenge I think, after a while though you gotta wonder if revenge is the reason because I think everyone he's mad at is probably dead by then.
Ms. Kasumi Goto introduced us to this glorious series and I felt it would be a shame if I only talked about one on her behalf. Now, granted a lot of these films tend to blend in with each other a bit, but there is enough variety that I can sustain myself for a bit at least. So here's a bunch of reviews laying out some highlights and personal thoughts concerning these vids. Or at least what I can remember, I got really drunk at some points. So here we go.
Friday the 13th, first film in the franchise. Where we meet a bunch of kids who want to fix up an old summer camp where a ton of murders and deaths occurred. Including, as we learn later, one Jason Voorhees as a young boy, who drowned because he couldn't swim very well and no one was paying attention when he jumped in the lake. He was also ugly as sin, see the vid yourself to find out what I mean. Wait you ask, isn't this series about him? How can it be if he's dead? Well, yeah, it is about him, but this first movie doesn't have him as the killer, not really. We follow these campers around as they do the regular stupid teenage things, but one by one they all get killed by a mysterious murderer until only one girl remains. Said girl then is confronted by a strange lady who turns out to be Jason's mom and is not exactly all there after the death of her kid. Spoilers, she's the killer and she now wants to finish her murder spree with one last victim in order to keep the camp closed and avenge her son who drowned. Or did he?
Best kill: I would have to say the one involving the arrow through the neck. That's just particularly brutal. Especially with how slow and methodical the method of jamming it into the victim's body from behind and beneath a bed would be. That takes a lot of force to get right. That alone was enough, but the blood fountain pushed it over the top for me. Very visceral kill there. Although there is a decapitation in there that's not bad either. But I've already spoiled enough.
Standout moment: The weirdo doomsayer who seems only to exist purely to freak out kids and townsfolk with his prophecies of forthcoming murder. That literally seems to be his position in the community. I'm not sure why I seem to love him, maybe because I enjoy the lengths he goes to in order enforce the message of how fucked everyone at the camp is. Like he has nothing better to do than to scare stupid kids. That's a kind of job I can get behind. Although I imagine it doesn't pay all too well.
Problems: Apparently a snake was actually killed, a real live snake. They found one in the wild and killed it. Ms. Goto assures me of this. Not cool, humans. I like snakes, why do I think I named my ship after one? Don't involve the murder of animals in your vid. That's just not cool, guys. Really. Totally uncalled for. What did that serpent ever do to you?
Overall, I give the vid my recommendation. Hell of a murder-fest.
Friday the 13th Part 2, now Jason takes the role of the killer for the rest of the series. And for whatever reason he decides to one up his mom in as many ways as possible. There's a new group of kids trying to restart their own camp on the other side of the lake I guess, I don't know why, but I guess if you got lakefront property it would be a shame to waste it. Unfortunately, Jason is still pissed as fuck over people being on his land. And to cover up his ugly mug he's taken to wearing a sack over his head. Ms. Goto says this is a reference to another murder flick made earlier than this one about a town that feared sundown or something. No idea what it's about, but if the killer there is as ruthless as Jason it may be worth a look. More or less from there it's the same vid. Kids try to have sex, booze it up, they get killed for their trouble.
Finally one last survivor, another human girl, has to stop Jason using a rather clever psychological trick, trying to fool him into thinking she was his mom. Also a chainsaw at one point is used against Jason, which I understand confused Ms. Tali'Zorah when she watched it, as she was under the impression that Jason used that himself, not his potential victim. I don't know why more people in these vids don't arm themselves with chainsaws, you'd think they'd be everywhere in the woods and Jason is appropriately terrified of them. He should see Jiralhanae chainsaws though, yeesh! Those dumb apes love their blades, that's for sure.
Best Kill: This is hard, because there's one involving a harpoon that's just hilarious when you think about it. Heh, double penetration, funny. But I'm a machete man, okay, I gotta follow my muse and I'm giving it to the one where the poor disabled kid gets a machete slashed right through his face and falls down a shit ton of stairs. That was awesome! Too bad he didn't get laid first though, he was so close.
Standout Moment: Some real great vid making in the final confrontation where Jason thinks the final survivor lady is his mom and he's almost totally tricked. I gotta say, I feel sorry for the ugly murdering psycho. He just loves his mom, something I can relate to. I mean, sure she was a half-crazed loony, but she was still his mom and he just wants her back. Runner up on this is the one guy who survived everything because he stayed back at the bar having more shots. HA! And they say alcoholism kills! Screw you, his addiction saved his fucking life!
Problems: Did they have to kill the doomsayer from the last film? I liked him! Also, where the fuck DID the boyfriend go to? One second he's there, one cut later, he's gone. I mean, come on, if he's dead I wanna see it! Give me a fucking body!
Still good vid, recommended.
Friday the 13th 3D, the gimmick movie! That's what Ms. Goto called it anyway. Luckily all holoscreens are designed for 3D entertainment. Holograms are so much more effective for that than, apparently, some funny colored goggles humans used to wear. Ugh, you poor primitive things, how did you survive this long in such conditions? I'm not sure how effective this vid would be without the effect, but it's good fun for what it is. Jason is back, killing teens and eventually finding himself a new mask to wear after his sack got ripped presumably. Some kind of white plate thing with some holes in it. Kasumi explained it's from a sport called Hockey that involves a bunch of guys hitting a black disc around while pummeling each other brutally with sticks. Sounds like my kind of game. Either way, Jason rocks it effectively.
This time the campers aren't trying to set up a business in a former murder location, they're just trying to have a weekend getaway. Still kinda stupid of them to pick a spot where people were recently murdered, but I don't think they know that. They still all get murdered though, it's just this time Jason's kills come right at you. They clearly wanted to show off how much they got this 3D thing to work. Makes for a fun experience. Also, they got a new soundtrack that is seriously insane. I have no idea what they were smoking, but the wacky music for this vid just had me grooving to it. It was stupid and cheesy and terrible, but I loved it.
Best Kill: A dumb kid walks around on his hands and gets an axe slammed right through his crotch! That... that was just brutal. Jason does not give a single fuck. Seriously, that alone made everything worthwhile.
Standout Moment: The final human survivor, once again a girl, uses the knife stabbed into the back of her best friend to defend herself against Jason. This girl kicks a lot of ass in general, like she gives Jason the beating of his life. Surprised he's still standing and murdering for several movies afterwards after all that.
Problems: The title is a lie! Kasumi pointed this out, but the damn vid takes place right after the last movie! So it's not Friday, it's a Saturday! I get it's not as good a title, but seriously? It just bugs me, alright. Also, is a Jason a rapist now? I... I'm not sure. It's implied, but... I thought he just murdered people for having sex. Where'd this come from? That confuses me.
Eh, I still had fun. Make sure the 3D feature of the holoscreen is turned on and give it a watch.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, ha! And I thought the last movie's title was a lie. Ms. Goto assures me that they honestly thought it would be the last vid in the series. I don't know, part of me thinks that no one would kill off a potential money maker that easily. They made three of these things previously, they had to be doing good enough to justify continuing for so long.
More or less the same thing as before, bunch of kids head up to the country to have sex and party, but they're next door to a family who lives up there themselves. They stay at this nice little cottage, throw a party, just having fun... while Jason hacks his way through them. Old formula, but it works. At least this time we get to know all these kids a bit more before they get murdered. You know I keep saying kids, but they don't look like it. Does teenage-hood last longer for humans? I should ask someone about that, otherwise these are all adults playing teenagers which is kinda weird.
One I know for sure is a kid is this character named Tommy we're going to get to know a ton about soon. He makes special effects and masks and make ups, regular vid maker in the works this kid. Probably a homage to the director and special effect whizzes behind the camera. I mean, they clearly identify with this kid as he plays an important role in Jason's defeat. And by defeat, I mean death, yeah, Jason dies for real this time. No joke, no spoilers, this vid is billed as his death song. Know that going in, alright? To be fair, it's a really great death scene all the same.
Best Kill: Corkscrew to the hand and then a blade to the face. At least this time, Jason waited for him to get his rocks off before offing him. That's just polite is all. I mean, if you're gonna kill them, fine, but at least let them have some fun first.
Standout Moment: It's weird, the same character who gets murdered in the best kill is also the standout here. He's got this sequence where he tears up the fucking dance floor with these crazy moves. Damn it, how did he not get laid earlier? What is wrong with you humans? That is grade-A material for a mating ritual right there! We do it all the time!
Problems: So like... how did that girl die? I mean she gets thrown out a window, fine, and then she hits the roof of car, blowing out the windows, but seriously... that did not look fatal. I've seen fatal, I've fallen from worse. Later, a girl falls way worse and slams into the mud, but she's fine! The fuck with that?
I can understand why people probably got tired of the series and wanted it to end I guess. This was where Ms. Zorah checked out. Everyone has their limit I guess. Shame really, I would've loved to hear what she thought about some of the sequels after this. Anyway, it's a good vid, but I still am skeptical that they intended to stop here. Hell, they even suggest there's going to be a sequel of a sorts. Speaking of...
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, can't keep a good killer down... or dead. Well, okay, Jason is still dead, but there's a new guy going around in a hockey mask murdering folks it seems. Not at a camp though, at some kind of halfway house for disturbed kids. Like, really disturbed, I'll explain later. Right now, all you need to know is a lot of people die, but Jason isn't really killing them, it's some copy cat. And you can tell because he's wearing a new mask with blue markings all over him.
Tommy is back by the way, he's a little older, okay a lot older, and clearly going through some trauma. Also, he's a suspect for the new killings. But it's clearly not him because he's not nearly as built as this new guy. Sorry, it's hard to buy you're the murderer when you look like a twig and he's a bulk freak of nature. But hey, at least he's still around, that's a first. Usually everyone who survives these movies ends up in asylum or a hospital or something. I mean, halfway house isn't much of a step up from those, but at least he isn't in a straightjacket or something.
Tommy is also very adept in kicking ass, like a lot of ass. He knows how to wreck your shit. Probably trying to suggest he's the killer because he's so proficient at taking dudes down, but given how he's more agile, yeah I didn't buy it. If Jason had started choking people out with his legs or snapping limbs, maybe. Here? Same old stabbing and throat slicing.
Best Kill: There are a lot, like a lot a lot. Someone probably looked at this script, commented on how there was no Jason, and then added a ton of extra murders to make up for it. I'm not sure if it works, all I know is there were a ton choose from. Including an outhouse and a road flare. I settled on the one involving the belt, a tree and a stick that ended with a head crushed in. If you gotta pick one, might as well pick the most gratuitous, right?
Standout Moment: Boobs. A lot of boobs. Ms. Goto said the guy who directed this once did porn. You don't say? I wouldn't have guessed from all the human breasts flopping around excessively. Maybe this attracts humans, but no offense, human tits aren't my thing. Kig-yar chests a lot more firm and pert. The reason I'm putting it here is just how much more it's made apparent. This series has never shied away from sexing it up, but here they just decided to make a porno. Hey, fine by me, you be true to yourself. Sex and blood, at least you admitted it. Other than that, Tommy's fight scenes are a close runner up and hey the chainsaw makes a comeback again, once again held by the final lady survivor. A tradition worth keeping I say.
Problems: Just one major problem, and it's not that Jason isn't in this thing. Spoiler time, the murder spree is kicked off when this crazy fucker kills this chocolate loving fat guy with an axe for really no good reason. The victim's dad, an ambulance driver, snaps and takes up the Jason mantle because... reasons. He's the killer, but he never tracks down the actual person who killed his kid. Fine, he's crazy, but seriously? You kill all these people to avenge your son, but you don't break into the police station he's being held at to murder him? I'm sorry, but if you make a revenge murder spree vid, you involve the impetus for said revenge murder spree at some point! Come on!
I suppose this movie is okay, although I will say that more kills means less creative deaths. A lot of stabbing and throat cutting, but only a few that really make themselves memorable in the long term and a bunch that happen offscreen. Quality over quantity always wins out I guess. Still see it, just know what you're getting.
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, this one rocks! Literally, they got this rock soundtrack that rules. Jason even gets his own song, about time. Oh, and as the title implies, Jason is back. Tommy accidentally resurrects him with the bolt of lightning or something. It makes no sense, but it's a horror vid, who cares? I mean, remember in "The Darkest Voyage", the Razorfin people can somehow survive having their heads cut in half? Seriously, who are we to judge?
Jason goes on a rampage from there, murdering the shit out of everyone for some very quality kills. Meanwhile, Tommy has to stop the monster and make up for the mistake he caused. Only the sheriff thinks he's crazy and tries to run him out of town or lock him up.
Eventually Jason gets back to his old stomping grounds and properly starts to murder some campers again. So many people to kill so little time. But they use it effectively. Best of all, they're all clearly having fun with this one. At this point the vids have decided they're not to be taken too seriously so they just decide to get some laughs out of you along with some scares. Makes for a good ride. Oh, and a bunch of kids actually show up at the camp, yeah, real kids, and they're put in danger this time. None of them die, but at least they bothered to suggest they could! Finally, actually kids are placed in danger in these films! I don't mean just one, like the previous two, I mean a whole pack of them. A full camp full of kids all menaced by one masked murderer! About time.
Best Kill: Oh so hard to pick! There's a triple decapitation that Kasumi said was originally cut out but was eventually restored to full pristine print decades later. I loved that one. I love my machete kills. I guess I'll tie it with the back break later on though, which is some wonderfully brutal stuff. Jason being wormfood didn't damage his strength at all apparently. Oh, oh, another good one, Jason kills a guy driving this huge vehicle, it crashes, but Jason emerges unscathed. That was just a great visual shot.
Standout Moment: Jason stands over a little girl in a particularly unnerving scene that makes you wonder if he's really about to kill her and we're going to have to watch him do it. Seriously, that was disconcerting. Hey, just because I'm kig-yar, doesn't mean I can't be worried for a little human kid. Another reason I never liked the Covies, they didn't care about that shit, some even delighted in it. Sadistic fucks. A runner up can also be how Jason takes several shotgun blasts full on and keeps getting back up. Being undead has its advantages it seems. Then again, I think we all know that by now.
Problems: The sheriff at some point really should've realized something bad was going down. He just comes off as an idiot and I didn't really care much when he got his back broken in half. Also, I feel like that gravedigger character was going somewhere, but they killed him off. What was with that? I'll have to ask Ms. Goto about it.
This movie was a ton of laughs, blood and scares. The best of the lot so far honestly.
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, this is a weird one. Last time we had people being brought back to life, now we got folks with psychic powers. Yeah, there's this teenage human girl, Tina, who can move shit around with her mind and gets premonitions of the future. Namely people who are going to die. Wouldn't you know it, in one of her psychic rages, she resurrects Jason from under the water and he goes on another killing spree just as a band of teenagers has decided to get together for a birthday party for a friend. A friend who never shows up because he's murdered on the way by Jason. They are of course next. But the thing is... that's not as important as seeing Jason get his ass kicked by a girl's mind. Now that is brains versus brawn right there.
Best Kill: Uh... problem, while a lot of the film was restored, not everything that hit the cutting room floor could be saved. So a lot of the kills aren't complete. Some asshole on Earth decided the movie designed around the idea of people getting murdered needed to be censored so they fucking raped the fucking movie and cut out everything good. The best kill I could reasonably find was the one involving the bitchy girl get axed in the head and thrown into a wall. Thankfully that was one they restored fully. If we're talking based on what was fully there from the original, the sleeping bag was a nice clean murder that worked for what it was. I liked that, for once less was more in that instance.
Standout Moment: Everything about he final battle with Jason himself. Including when they set him on fire and then blow up the fucking house! Now THAT is how you end a murderfest vid, detonate the fucking set! BOOM! HA HA HA!
Problems: Besides all the cut out kills? I really didn't like that mega bitch. Most of these vids have been very good about creating well-rounded respectable female characters. Hell, all the final survivors have been girls for the most part. Which is great, shows that even human patriarchal societies aren't completely devoid of class. But this one mega bitch got on my nerves. Glad when she got killed.
The movie is sadly imperfect because of reasons beyond its control, but I'd still recommend it for the mind battle at the end. What can I say, I appreciate when brains win out.
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason takes Manhattan, which sees Jason eventually get out of the woods and into a big city. Most of the film involves a lot of kills on a boat before finally getting us to the titular city. But at least some of the kills are pretty cool. I just wish the title wasn't a lie. I'm fine with people lying to me now and then, I mean, I lie myself, but not my vids. Be honest about the vids, man. I guess Jason on a Boat isn't as cool a title though. I have to ask how a boat would exit a lake and get onto the ocean or whatever, I suppose there is an inlet. Also, why would you graduate and have a party on a crummy dingy like that? Get on a cruise, people! Live it up! If Jason was on a proper cruise vessel maybe it would've made up for not getting to the city proper. Clearly a budget issue.
Best Kill: Girl gets her head bashed in with a rock guitar. At the very least we got something unique there, plus it made a music riff every time he hit her. That was fun.
Standout Moment: Jason arrives in what is called "Time Square", this big city center with lights and billboards and people everywhere! It's an amazing sequence! Made even better when he gets some punks off his case after destroying their music box just by lifting his mask up. Yeah, best move along guys, stay out of the killer zombie's way. I know that from personal experience myself.
Problems: Besides the title being a lie? Okay, what the fuck was with the toxic waste? Do humans just have that shit lying around everywhere? Honestly, there is a market for that crap! You can sell it for bio-weapons on the cheap! Seriously, you're leaving a gold mine just lying out in the open! What is wrong with you? Also, I know Jason can get around fast... but can he literally just teleport now? How else am I supposed to read that dance floor kill?
Skip to the kills, this is a mess. But... I guess a delightful mess in how hard it is trying and failing.
Jason Goes to Hell... uh, Jason is killed and um... stuff happens and... okay, I'll be honest with you people. After the coroner ate Jason's heart for no reason I kinda sorta left for a bit and tuned out. I spent the rest of it in my quarters cause I knew how stupid this was about to get just from that alone. Instead I watched a vid about a bunch of kiddie lizard creatures who needed to get home or something. It was a lot less idiotic.
Best Kill: Uh, the big scary lizard got a rock dropped on him and drowned. That was... that was pretty good.
Standout Moment: The big earthquake scene was pretty fucking amazing to watch... I... I liked that.
Problems: The horned lizard and the longnecked lizard just need to hate fuck already and get it out of their systems. I mean seriously, just work that shit out quick. I know, they're children and all. I'm saying wait a few years, viable mature age, when both understand the consequences and can reasonably consent. It's the only way they're going to preserve their friendship honestly.
Overall... uh, don't eat serial killers hearts, okay? That's just fucking stupid.
Jason X, Jason goes to space. Okay... this got stupid... but not nearly as stupid as the last one at least. Jason ends up in space after being thawed out of ice and murders a bunch of people in what passed for the time this was filmed as the future. Old Earth's version of the future was really brown and silver by the way.
There's a robot lady who gets her head taken off, but she lives because she's a robot and they don't need their bodies. So, that worked out for her at least. Jason kills some people in virtual reality, but it's only two. I don't get why they didn't just make a ton of virtual people for him to kill, as if there was some limit on the thing, but it was interesting. Oh, and Jason gets a nanomachine upgrade that turns him into an even more crazy murder machine. I guess they just threw everything they could think of with this setting and figured out what stuck and what didn't.
For the most part I guess it works.
Best Kill: I'm pretty sure the science is wrong, but the cryogenic face freeze and smash was neat. Maybe a little much though, but still neat.
Standout Moment: Jason ends up getting killed by being sent back through the atmosphere and burning up. That's one way to take out a serial killer I guess. Oh and I suppose the main guy and the robot head hook up or something. He better find her a new body, otherwise that limits their options honestly.
Problems: Can someone please explain why you'd cart a freaky dude in a block of ice with a fucking blade in his hand onto a space station? It just seems really stupid that they'd let something like that run wild aboard a ship. I mean, think of the safety precautions. I guess without it you don't have a movie, but still... kinda stupid.
But hey, these vids aren't made for high art society and I prefer them that way. Good fun, even if I know half of this science is utter garbage. Tali probably did herself a favor getting out long before she got to this. That quarian is a science freak and this would've just pissed her off.
Freddy vs. Jason, the crossover movie! Freddy is a dream demon creature who uses his powers to invade the dreams of kids and murder them. Problem, he can only enter dreams and have power in them if people are afraid of him. And people have started to forget he exists. So he recruits Jason to frame Freddy for murders, so he can commit some actual murders later once everyone starts giving him credit for Hockey Mask's crimes. Problem there is, Jason can't stop killing so Freddy can't get his jollies, so now he has to fight and kill Jason if he has any hope of actually getting in some kills himself.
Apparently this was a big deal for folks. Freddy is also another popular murderfest character, he and Jason are called slashers according to Ms. Goto. They... slash people... with sharp things, obviously. Freddy has some cool finger knives he uses to do his work for example. It works for what it is, but give me a machete any day. Freddy prefers to kill through the mind though instead of brawn. Invading dreams and manipulating fears and memories and all that. So, I'm torn, they both got things I love, so I don't know who to root for. But... Freddy was apparently some kind of pedophile in life so... I guess Jason wins by default on the morality front.
Best Kill: Jason gets set on fire and murders an entire rave party at a field of corn. It's as awesome as it sounds and every second is pure gory magic. See it for that alone.
Standout Moment: Final fight between Freddy and Jason. I love me a good throwdown, and this was a bareknuckled brawl of blades and beatings that warmed my violence crazed heart. Yeah, fuck him up Jason! Fuck his ass up! Right through the windows, bitch! Fuck yeah! Impale him with his own fucking hand, fuck, yeah! ... Oh sorry, I was watching some clips of it just now.
Problems: I guess Freddy doesn't have as many kills as he probably should have. Also, it takes a while to get to the main event. And, was Jason always afraid of water or was he just afraid of drowning? I'm... I'm at a loss for the symbolism there. Just a tad.
I suppose Freddy is as good a foil for Jason as anything, what with his manipulation of Jason to kill people and then subsequent invasion of his mind to exploit his worst fears. Makes it more worthwhile when he gets pulled into the real world so Jason can kill him proper. I just keep thinking about how shit can get into your head like that, like someone can just invade your brain and mess around with you. I mean, that's scary as shit right there so Freddy works as a great arch-
(Program is cut off here as Boz returns)
Uh, sorry folks, but we have some... news to report. Um, there has been an attack on the hangar bay theater just now. There are no casualties, Zek is fine, but he was attacked by... I can't believe what I'm reading... Tali'Zorah, the Normandy's chief engineer. We are learning information now, previously classified, that Ms. Zorah has experienced some kind of psychotic break. Details are sketchy and still coming in, but she apparently believes that some kind of disembodied voice is speaking to her and threatening the lives of all within our fleet. Um, uh, it is believed that there is a connection to this sudden delusion based on contact with the relic we recovered from the Forerunner wreck, as well as an experience she suffered in a swamp on Halo fighting the Flood. It is feared that Ms. Zorah is now trying to gain access to the Fallen Serpent and has procured the codes to do so from Zek's omni-tool. Zek himself has issued explicit orders to capture Ms. Zorah and return her to the Normandy's custody. Under no circumstances, I repeat, no circumstances is lethal force to be used. This is an order directly from Zek himself on the matter.
I'm not sure what to say about this folks, it is... distressing to say the least. We will keep you updated on this situation as much as we can. Please stay tuned and if Ms. Zorah is listening, I hope that you realize that you need help and decide to lay down your arms and allow us to do so. Uh, here's some music for you folks, next on our Iron Maiden Rockathon... oh this not good at all.
(Losfer Words by Iron Maiden)
BBR, Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, bringing you the hits to keep you pillaging all night long.
(The Nomad by Iron Maiden)
We're back now, with some additional information on the situation at hand. Tali'Zorah, in case you are not aware, has gone rogue. She believes the fleet is in danger from some unseen force and is attempting to reroute our destination coordinates to find and kill this... whatever it is. We are hopeful that the situation can be resolved peacefully. But we are unsure of how deeply Tali has been infested with this strange form of madness that has taken her. We have also learned that both Miranda Lawson, XO of the Normandy and Taq, were attacked by Tali. Both are okay, alive, relatively undamaged, but it is clear that Ms. Zorah's psychosis has possessed her to a degree of physical violence. Not murder though, we should remember that. She has not killed anyone yet and there is nothing to say she will since her motivation seems to be, according to reports, saving us from ourselves. Whatever that means.
We have a few eye-witness accounts of the attack on Zek at the theater in the hangar bay of the Ascendant Justice. Let's go to the lines and see what they have to say. Line one, you're on.
So it was just in the middle of the second film, Ash Williams was like going crazy and attacking his buds. Then suddenly, the shipmaster is running out like mad screaming about a problem we have and there's the quarian aiming a gun at all of us. None of us really know what to do at that point, we don't even dare go for our guns thinking she'll start blasting. I'm too freaked to even turn on my shield gauntlet. Then she's all angry, saying we're a problem, cusses us all out, UNSC Marines included. I've never seen anyone so fucking pissed, Boz! I have half a mind to think she was foaming at the mouth or something under that helmet.
What did she seem mad about?
Everything, that we lie, that the batarians are assholes, that the humans are xenophobes, that we're ungrateful and shit. Like, everything just poured out in one giant toxic wave of rage. She said she still wanted to save us though, from ourselves I mean. What was she on about?
I'm not entirely sure myself, she thinks someone or something is trying to kill us so that could be it. I wish I had more answers honestly. Maybe line two does, hello, you're on.
I tried to go after her once the smoke hit. I was following Zek's orders, no killing. After Zek tore into someone else over that, I knew better than to try anything.
Did you see where she went?
No, me and some of the boys lost her when she ducked into a bunch of Seraphs clustered over near the starboard end. She might have slipped into the ducts or something. She's a nimble alien, I'll give her that. Faster than we gave her credit for. I thought her species were all sickly or something.
Weak immune system, it's not the same thing. Look, this quarian runs with Commander Shepard, the guy the Covenant have a new massive hate boner for. Do not sell her short, people. She knows ships, at least that's what the info sent my way keeps saying. So, seriously guys. You see her, don't act the hero here. Be smart. Now we got a new call, third line, what's happening down on your end?
What do you fear, Boz?
Uh, excuse me?
What do you fear? Do you have any semblance of understanding fear? Do you even comprehend it? Are you capable of understanding it?
Wait a minute, Tali? Is this you?
Your voice currently reaches so many while mine is stifled. Your platform is the best way to get the truth out before someone twists it. I know that's a specialty of you Jackals. Lying.
I am only reporting what I'm told.
Oh, good puppet. I'm sure Retz is proud. Now answer my question, what waking nightmare haunts you? What horror stalks you? Do you even understand what true fear is like I do now?
Well, I... once had a dream where my beak fell off and I was naked in the mess hall.
Typical, a joke. That's all you're good for. Ignoring the true horror of existence because you have the option. I don't anymore, it was stolen from me. And all you can do is laugh about a cute little nightmare you had like it's a fun little diversion and not some creeping gnawing spiteful terror digging into your skull.
Not true, it was a really screwed up dream. Honest. Woke up in a cold sweat and everything.
You don't fear anything, not like you should. It's all some fun little game for you. The galaxy is your pleasure palace to plunder. Your stage to perform.
Well it's a, uh... a pretty neat stage.
More jokes, always jokes. This is why you don't understand! Or refuse to! You don't see an endlessly dark, unfeeling, empty chasm of death. A place inhabited by horror you can't imagine. That is why you are insignificant in the face of it! All of it!
Ms. Zorah, I really would love to discuss esoteric philosophy and the like, but I really feel it's important that you just give yourself up to-
You'd like that, wouldn't you? Like everyone wants the quarians to give up and die. We're just filthy burdens to you.
I don't think you're a burden. I think you need help and I think there are plenty of people out there who want to help.
Help? Please! There's no help, not against this. It's out there, they're all out there still. Just waiting in the dark, waiting for their moment. We're just... living on borrowed time. All of us, borrowed time. They're coming for us. All of us! Our only hope is to move now, while we have the chance, while they're still waiting. While they still think we're passive. Don't you understand? I'm trying to save you. All of you! This needs to happen. Sacrifices must be made. I'm sorry you can't understand. I barely do myself. The horrible truth is they are as cold and as unfeeling as space and they will consume us, all of us... unless we burn them. All of them. Every last speck left. I'll purge them before they get to us. I'll save you, even if I have to drag you to salvation, I'll save you! Whatever it takes!
(Call abruptly cuts)
Ms. Zorah? Tali? Um, I think we lost her folks. Uh, I uh... well, I'm sure she's just working through... whatever it is she's working through. Yes, just keep your eyes open and everything. Remember, capture, non-lethal means. And... maybe just ignore the doom and gloom stuff if you can. Oh uh, how about another song? Yeah, more Maiden! That will help... maybe.
(Children of the Damned by Iron Maiden)
Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, we pillage the music of the past and deliver it straight to you. Now that's piracy you can count on. Keep it locked on BBR, another hot track is coming up, right now.
(Where the Wild Wind Blows by Iron Maiden)
(Blaring Alarms in the background)
Um, everything is fine. We're okay over here. Situation is totally under control. I can totally reach people and my personal comms are not being clogged with static. Yes sir, we're good here. Don't you worry folks, we're still on the air, everything is just... peachy. Look, we're going to have another track now. Because everything is fine and my fellow pirates have the situation under control, I'm positive. (Aside) Seriously, why can't anyone catch her? Fuck. Oh shit, I'm still on, um, here's "Stranger in a Strange Land" Now where's my Ichor? Ocean, why tonight? Why tonight?
(Stranger in a Strange Land by Iron Maiden)
Hold onto your gizzards, assholes, because the Iron Maiden Experience is coming to the Ascendant Justice's hangar bay theater this weekend! How can they be here if they're dead? The magic of the vids, shitstains! We've hardwired a digital recreation of Iron Maiden's original Somewhere Back in Time World Tour, utilizing original footage of all their performances. Now, with the help of the holoscreen, we can bring their concert back to life and call the digital ghosts of the Earth's most rocking band from the ether to perform for you! See all your favorites played as they originally were by Dickinson, Smith, Harris, Murray, McBrain and Gers! Close enough to touch them, loud enough the whole damn ship can hear! Maiden lives, now and forever! Only at the Ascendant Justice Theater this weekend! Be there or be forever known as a total tool! Brought to you by Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, your Kig-Yar Pirate Rock Station!
(Can I Play with Madness? by Iron Maiden)
[Song is interrupted during guitar solo where voices are heard in background. Transcription is as follows]
[For the love of the ocean lady! Stop pointing the gun at me!
*I have the boomstick, you do what I say! Isn't that how you pirates work?*
I'm a Pirate DJ! There's a difference! I just want to do my show damn it! I'm not built for this kind of pressure!
*How do I boost it?*
I keep telling you! This is as high as it goes!
*Tell me where the system is!*
This is not fair! I just wanted to listen to Maiden and get buzzed as fuck with my Ichor Rum! This was supposed to be a fun day! It was supposed to be fun!
*Do you ever just shut- wait... why can I hear an echo?*
Echo? What echo? There's no echo!
*You bosh'tet! What did you hit!?*
I swear! I never even looked at any buttons!
*WHAT DID YOU HIT?!*
AAAAAAAAHHHH!]
(Gun Shot)
[From here, music returns to full volume and tracklist continues on automatic]
(Clairvoyant by Iron Maiden)
Hey guys, um, it's me, Boz. I'm okay. Everything is fine here. We're all fine. Honest this time. Um, as you probably guessed. Tali was... here. She was not happy. At all. She realized I had essentially called for help by switching the mic back on. She fired once into the ceiling and I basically just curled up into a ball on the ground. I know that kinda kills my street cred, but I have be mixing drinks all night in here and, I'm gonna be honest, my head is... not in the best place. Especially after that. Retz was just here, he eased my nerves a little, calmed me down. And I can continue. We're good. I'm good. For whatever that is worth.
Listen this is a trying time right now. I don't know what is going on honestly. I have no idea what has gotten into Tali or what she's so afraid of or why this has all gone to shit so fast. All I know is that I just wanna listen to my Maiden, okay? I didn't ask for all of this crazy shit tonight.
(Exhales)
Alright, uh, Tali, if you're listening, you probably are, it's highly likely, I just want you to know... I forgive you. Really, I do. No hard feelings. You are clearly distressed, going through something, I get it. Maybe that green thing you were holding has something to do with it. I'm... assuming that the Relic everyone keeps talking about. Not sure, never got a look at it myself, been in here mostly. Point is, I'm really sorry this has happened to you and I forgive you. Just... please stop whatever it is your doing, now. Please? Before someone really gets hurt. Now, let's just put on some more music, alright? Keep this night going. Where's the next track? Oh here.
(Starblind by Iron Maiden)
You're listening to BBR's Iron Maiden Rockathon! Up the Irons all Across the Fleet!
(The Talisman by Iron Maiden)
Buzzard Buccaneer Radio is your source for all the tunes you plunder to. Piracy is our creed and rock is our message! Here's another hit from Boz he Buzzard's table straight to your ears!
(Ghost of the Navigator by Iron Maiden)
Okay, I've gotten myself together, a few extra ordinary Ichor drinks have gotten my head on straight. Ocean, I am so loopy. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying this music, because for all I know we're about to get tossed around the damn universe. From what I'm being told, we have locked down the Ascendant Justice's engine room. Meaning, Tali, if your listening, you cannot get in. So whatever you're planning, it's... it's over, alright? Time to call it a night.
Just, hang in there guys, this is gonna get wrapped up... soon, hopefully. I mean it has to, right? Let's just, keep going on with the rockathon, alright? Not like we can control anything right now. Chips are gonna fall where they may right now.
Alright, which one, which one... oh this is good. This is "Trooper", I'm sure you Marines listening will get a kick out of this. Just let me cue it up. There we go, the rock lives!
(The Trooper by Iron Maiden)
Well how was I supposed to know that? I don't follow her schedule. ... Oh shit, I'm back on. Hey guys, heh, if anyone was down near the engine room checkpoints just now, I just wanna say... my bad. That was... a mistake. I seriously did not know that was going on just then. Really sorry about that. Everything is fine though, I'm sure of it. Probably. We're fine. Minor issues, but we'll get through this. (Aside) Fuck I hope she's not in the engines. Maybe we should uncouple from the damn carrier ... oh shit again? Anyway, next song! This one is back to back, so, enjoy. I'll hit you all up once they're done and we've... sorted some information up here. (Aside) If we're not all dead in the next few minutes I mean.
(If Eternity Should Fail by Iron Maiden)
(Hallowed be Thy Name by Iron Maiden)
Everyone, update, great news! Update! Tali is reportedly down and out! She has collapsed, possibly from exhaustion in the engine room. Emergency teams are moving in to collect her now! The crisis is averted! We're not gonna get zapped into a black hole or wherever! The engine room is back in our hands! Holy shit that was too close, lets hope that whatever had crawled inside Tali's head to make her nuts is out now. This calls for a drink, don't you think? ... Oh fuck, I'm out. Seriously? How hammered am I?
[End of Transcript Excerpt]
Mordin's Notes: Jackals placed in precarious situation. Tali'Zorah's psychosis not considered. Incident forced change in strategy and tactics. Less lethal force used. Engagement cautioned and varied. Pirates relatively unprepared for Tali'Zorah's tactics. Use of fear impeded efforts considerably. Clearly paying attention to personality flaws. Proof of previous statements. Superstition plays heavily into culture. Mere mention of possible entity out in void enough to unhinge many. Boz clearly affected. Although excessive drinking did not help in this case.
Full disclosure. Analysis of Tali'Zorah revealed mental alteration of synapses. Unprecedented in all medical science. Similarity to Shepard's experience with Prothean Beacon apparent. Difference clear. Beacon contained message. Relic contained entity. Pervasive and insidious. Acted like virus. Infected the mind and used it against the host. Tali'Zorah lucky to be alive. Mental anguish would have killed her in due time. Have suggested bed rest. Doctor Chakwas concurs. Will not be joining mission to Reach upon arrival.
Additional note: Jackals restraint... unusual. Zek's orders followed, but curious. Issued before full information concerning Tali's condition known. Obvious that Zek is aware of importance to crew. Knew harm to Tali would destroy relations. Suggests Jackals can be more considerate when own interests on line.
Official Report:
This incident has done more than reveal a few flaws in our own security. It has shown us how truly dangerous these relics can potentially be. We now know the one we discovered aboard the Dauntless works as boosting power source to various electronics and digital programs. We've therefore decided to call it the Amplifier, a name Taq informs me is similar in meaning to what the Forerunners called it.
To elaborate on Professor Solus' statements, the Amplifier contained an entity. A memory of an alien being, suspected to be a precursor, known as the Chronicler, or simply the Voice as Tali dubbed it. It supposedly preserved its memories within the Amplifier to ensure its continued survival after the extinction of its species. Beyond that, such as its species turning into the Flood, we can only speculate on what else was true. Although given Tali'Zorah's encounter with the Flood, the psychic scars left on her mind and the fact this entity used that to access her mind, it is likely there is some truth to the Flood connection.
Regardless, the Amplifier's ability enabled the digital thoughts to manifest as a living separate entity, like an AI but not tied to a matrix. It was essentially a digital recreation of a living creature. The Forerunners somehow contained it when they discovered its existence, but upon our actions in the Dauntless, we rebooted the Amplifier and freed it from the various security measures installed to keep the Voice at bay.
Somehow, being caught in the surge the Amplifier gave off connected this memory to Tali's mind through the psychic link the Flood attack left on her. It then infected the parts of her brain that controlled REM sleep and various other subconscious functions of her mind. Forcing her to see visions, manipulate her judgment and drastically alter her personality and behavior. We believe now it was attempting to send us some place by tricking Tali into jumping us to a set of coordinates. As to where and to what end, we are unsure. I think we can be glad the plan failed in any case.
I am assured by Cortana, Doctor Chakwas, Professor Solus and Taq, that the issue is resolved. Whatever transpired in the engine room between Tali and Cortana allowed the quarian engineer to shake off the psychic hold on her mind. The backlash of which utterly deleted the memory from the Amplifier. Essentially killing the entity itself.
As a consequence, we have lost any and all data pertaining to the Chronicler and whatever it knew about the Forerunners and the Flood. Tali likewise does not remember much of the information shared, only bits and pieces. While this is unfortunate, I am not entirely too saddened by the outcome. Whatever this thing was, it was clearly dangerous. We have no idea what else it may have been capable of if given the chance. It might have attempted to seize control of the fleet or even turned the Amplifier's own purpose against us in time. It is better it is dead, if a memory can ever be considered alive, I suppose.
I am more than confident Tali'Zorah was not responsible for the actions she took. She was manipulated, deceived and tortured by a creature beyond our own understanding. She should be commended for surviving the encounter and destroying the entity in the end. Although this incident revealed a darker side to her, I do believe in the end she proved who's side she had always been ultimately on. Therefore I have instructed the men to not treat her different due to the unique nature of this incident. Hopefully they will take it to heart, although I am concerned for select members of the crew. The ODSTs in particular could use this as evidence against Shepard's judgment and his own crew. I have asked Acting Captain Mckay to impress upon her men to importance of unit cohesion.
Nevertheless, we must be more vigilant for potential security breaches in the future. Next time it might not be someone under the delusion their actions are actually assisting us. The Covenant or other threats could use our own systems against us. I have asked Cortana and EDI to strengthen electronic security and I am requesting automated weapons systems be installed in the ducts. Preferably ones that incapacitate only. I'd prefer to have prisoners so we can learn more of how they infiltrated. Gun turrets might be effective in stopping intruders, but corpses can't talk.
Concerning the Jackals, their behavior is most... intriguing. Boz's especially, as he continued to try and do his show and keep up a sense of normalcy throughout. I believe he has transitioned into a role of a calming agent, someone who is attempting to ease the tensions of the crew. I am not sure why he has taken such a drastic friendly turn. I can only imagine that after listening to so much of our music and seeing so many of our movies, he has grown accustomed to us. He is more readily connected to our species as part of an extension of his own crew, who he is already on good terms with.
This explains his attempts to resolve the situation with Tali himself. He hoped to show his value to us as a negotiator, as an ambassador, to prove his goodwill to his listeners. I have already heard much from the Marines and other soldiers. They have developed a burgeoning affinity for Boz, he speaks on their level. Likewise, their distaste for the Jackals is also receding. Evidenced by how many showed up for the opening night of the Hangar Bay Theater. Why this might be cause for a concern, it is also evidence of an opportunity we can exploit. I am already making several preparations concerning our continued relations with the pirates. I think it might be time to add a new one.
Whatever the case, the situation is two way. I believe the Jackals are becoming more integrated into the fleet overall. They are more comfortable in this situation now than before. The problems remain, the ODST's belligerence, Zek and Retz's constant manipulations and the overall seething distrust several decades worth of war that keeps our factions at relative distance from each other. I would not celebrate or suggest this makes us one big happy family though. The fact remains is that there is a tightly wound anxiety here masked only by enforced tolerance of a no-win situation for everyone. In due time, I fear a lot of these issues will boil and come to a head. We can delay it with music and movie night and friendly jokes and drinking games, but this is not camaraderie. This is setting animosity aside. It is dormant, not forgotten. Their actions, after all, exposed Tali and us to the Amplifier. It has been one problem after another, directly or indirectly. The men will recognize this if they haven't already.
The faster we deal with this issue, the better. When we arrive at Reach I will put my plan to stave it off into motion. With any luck, it will go smoothly and quickly place this dark incident with the Amplifier behind us as we motion the pirates into a position of assisting us rather than them using us as muscle.
Signed,
Lieutenant Elias Haverson
Office of Naval Intelligence