I spent a long time last night thinking about the motive. The slow reveal of a secret everyday is pulling every bad scenario from my mind. The added experience of last nights revelation is only making it worse. I don't want to even look at anyone because I don't know what I'll see. I think today is a day to spend with myself. Unfortunately, I was forced out of my bed when an incessant banging starts on my door. I open it to find Haruna standing there. I go to close it as soon as possible but Haruna puts a foot in the door and I'm powerless.

Haruna stands as proud as ever, "Give me your Monokuma Teller tokens," she holds out her hand and makes a grabby motion.

I hesitantly retrieve them before going to give them over, but not before asking, "What do you want with them?"

Haruna groans exasperated and swipes the coins from my hand. She then tosses them in a plastic bag where they rattle against other metallic items. I catch a glimpse inside and see it's full of tokens. I step into the hallway and see a group forming to observe Haruna's next move. Kenta stands next to her looking like a bodyguard.

Haruna must be putting her blackmail to good use... Wait, that can't be right? After last night the secret of whose's despair was revealed. Haruna can't blackmail him anymore. I guess Kenta is just guarding Haruna for no reason.

"After last nights secret announcement, I've decided the Monokuma Teller tokens are too dangerous! It's best if we learn the secrets together, so we are going to wait for the announcements to say them all," Haruna proclaims, "I've decided to take care of the temptation; right here I have every token counted for."

"Has everyone put their tokens in the bag?" Kenta asks. Some verbally reply 'yes' while others simply nod. In the end it confirms that all the coins were in the bag.

Haruna holds up the bag, she jingles the coins with a shake. She then opens her room and tosses the bag inside. The bag clucks against the wall and Haruna slams the door shut and locks it. She proudly shows her room key.

"From now on the tokens will be locked in my room," Haruna announces.

"What if someone steals your key? And how can we trust you won't use them yourself?" Evan asks, voicing his suspicions.

Haruna goes to say something, but stops short. She puts a hand on her chin and looks deep in thought before snapping her fingers in inspiration.

"Follow me!" Haruna orders. Not wanting to trigger her annoying wrath, we all follow Haruna to the girls bathroom, "Come on you big babies, get in here!"

Obviously the guys, including myself, were still hesitant to go in.

Akira rolls her eyes, "Just get in there, it's your one free pass."

With the permission of a more sane authority, us guys went in. Haruna was waiting in a stall with the door open, she has her arm extended with her room key dangling. With a plop she drop the key into the toilet and flushes it down. Everyone watches it disappear with shock while Kenta tries to control his teary eyed laughter.

"Y-you're a idiot!" Kenta snorts, "How are you going to sleep?"

Haruna curses, "I didn't think of that!" She doesn't look the least bit regretful, "well it's gone now."

"Maybe you could spend the night in someone else's room?" Danny offers, trying to help.

We all look expectantly at the only two girls.

Veliah breaks first, "Fine, if really needed, she can stay with me."

Haruna squeals, "Oh, it'll be just like the second motive!"

"It will be nothing like that," Veliah shoots down, "I will die before I'm handcuffed to anyone again."

Haruna mopes, "buzzkill."

Once everyone was satisfied with the decision we all decide to go to the cafeteria. I reluctantly followed when Akira grabs my hand and pulls me along. I was then forcibly sat between Akira and Danny. I diligently avoid eye contact with both and do my best to ignore their stares. I know they want to accuse me about my time as despair. The thought alone is making me angry.

I ignoring them out of fear and spite. They can't question me if I don't listen. Uhhhh, My hands are very interesting today. Wow, fingernails are weird. Watch how my fingers bend. My fingers are so long and why am I so pale? I need to get some sun sometime.

"Sanyu, you can't ignore us," Danny nudges in. He flicks a glance at Akira for help.

"We just want to talk about yesterday," Akira starts, "I was wondering if you would like to just ignore it?"

Huh? That was not what I was expecting, but I'm not complaining.

Danny's eyes go wide in surprise, "I thought we were going to tell him we accept him and everything?"

Akira sighs, "We have no reason to bring up past mistakes, the past is the past. If we talk about forgiving him that means we would have to pry."

"We don't have to pry," Danny corrects, nervously, "We have come to know Sanyu as he is now, and this Sanyu isn't despair. We are not forgiving him either, we are telling him we know he has changed."

"I'm not like... like that, anymore," I pipe up at that moment. Danny is doing his best and I don't want a shouting match to start. I haven't seen those two fight before so this is a little scary, but it's nothing I haven't experienced before. Akira glances at me and I freeze at the look in her eyes.

"Which is why we shouldn't bring it up," Akira finishes. Akira gets up from her chair and pulls down her aviators to cover her eyes. She exits the cafeteria swiftly.

Danny shuffles nervously next to me. He wrings his hands together in anxiety before turning to me, "She accepts you too," he assures with a shaky smile. I smile in return. The action brightens Danny up enough to go to the kitchen and get some food.

I slouch on the table. The funny thing is that Akira doesn't accept me. I saw the look in her eyes. That was a look she saved for trials. I've seen that stare pointed at every guilty blackened. Akira thinks I'm guilty of despair even now. I guess I should be glad she's even still willing to look at me. If it wasn't for despair we wouldn't be in this mess right now.

I want to get away from everyone else for a little while. A invasive thought pops into my head and leaves a tingle down my spine. I watch as the others eat their food. Haruna has a cup of ice cubes and is entirely occupied trying to slip one down Evan's shirt. Kenta acts as a distraction to the SHSL Soccer Player. I get up and exit the cafeteria. Other then Kojiro waving goodbye, no one notices yet. I slip into the gym and make my way on to the stage, the Monokuma Teller right in front of me. I walk around the machine in a daze, almost afraid to touch it. On my second time circling it I notice a small paper sticker on the side.

Monokuma Teller Rules

1 coin for a hint of your secret

2 coins for a hint of another secret

3 coins for someone else's secret

My eyes went wide reading the last line. This entire time it was that easy for someone to get my secret? What if someone already did get my secret? Has anyone used their coins yet?

"Hey Sanyu!" Kojiro says entering the gym, "You checking the motive out?"

I turn to Kojiro nervous, "Yeah, I figured it was best if I checked," I explain, "Good to be prepared like you all said."

Kojiro nods in understanding, "You should have stayed with us yesterday, we all had a nice conversation on possible scenarios."

"I should have," I answer as casually as I could, "say, Kojiro, do you think anyone has used their coins?"

Kojiro thought about it, "I don't know, but there's probably nothing to worry about. Haruna literally flushed her key."

I nod in understanding, "Yeah, with the door being lock no one's getting in now," I agree. No one except me! I can easily slip in and count the coins, it's better for everyone anyways. I can see if anything is missing and report it to everyone else, because I'm such a helpful person. Who knows how trustworthy Haruna and Kenta actually are?

"Yeah, got that right," Kojiro repeats. Despite Kojiro's attempt to reassure me the atmosphere grows awkward. I leave the gym as quickly as I can. I check to make sure no one's around. I slip into the dormitories ready to enact my plan.

I take the Teacher Key and unlock Haruna's door. Her room is different from mine, but I can tell it was originally the same. The bed has been pushed to the other side while every other item has been haphazardly rearranged. Haruna must have given this place her own personal touch. I distantly notice the beach ball we had played with in the corner. I didn't realize she kept it.

I quickly locate what I was looking for. The bag of tokens is lying on the bed empty, the actual tokens were laid out in stacks beside it. Had someone been counting them? But how, the door was locked as soon as Haruna tossed the bag in? If someone else had managed too already get in, then me breaki- I mean, checking in was for the best.

I grab two stacks, totaling in 6 coins overall. I stuff those in my jacket pocket and go to grab another when I hear the lock click behind me, and the door edge open. I dive under the bed, going still as possible. I was confident they wouldn't find me, I have plenty of experience hiding like this. I force my breathing to even out so I could listen.

As I hid, Questions immediately pop into my mind. Who could be in here and why? Is this the person who was counting the coins? And if the door was locked, how did they open it? My first question was answered when the two mystery people spoke.

"Shit," Kenta curses, he drops the empty coin bag in front of my hiding spot. Kenta walked to the second person, they were speaking quietly, but I managed to make out a little of their conversation.

"Some coins are gone," Kenta whispers, "do you think it was..." Kenta became to quiet to hear.

"Doesn't matter," the second figure harshly whispers, "we can't let the others know."

Kenta huffs, clearly annoyed, "But it would be so fun to tell everyone, they would totally freak out!"

The other speaks up, "No use in provoking them, especially if they have a way to break into my room."

"Or maybe someone just figured out it was my key you flushed, not yours," Kenta says, "thanks for not telling me that, by the way. I got a real thrill out of it."

The identity of the second person clicks into place with Kenta's hint. Haruna didn't really flush her key, no wonder she looked so smug earlier.

Haruna let's out her signature cackle, "Oh man, your face when you found out!"

"Quite dumbass!" Kenta hushes angrily, "What if someone hears us?"

"The room is sound proofed, whose going to hear us?" Haruna snickers, "besides, I unlocked your door before flushing your key. You still have a place to sleep, thanks to my genius thinking!"

The two of them leave the room and I'm able to breath safely again. So Haruna didn't really get rid of her key, she just used a decoy. Maybe me stealing the tokens was for the best, because Haruna and Kenta obviously had their own agenda. I wonder who the 'them' they were referring too is? I shake the thought away, it doesn't matter. I shuffle out from under the bed and grab every golden coin I see. I escape with 24 in total.

I lock myself in my room with the spoils. My faces feels heated and butterflies fill my stomach. I jump onto my bed and pour out the tokens. I look the coins over and notice an odd detail. The tokens had our faces on them in sets of three. I pick up the three that have my face engraved on them. It has cute little cubby cheeks and is cartoonish looking. I check the others and see this design repeated. I hold up two coins of Akira and Danny. I drop them back in the pile and gather them all in my hands. I get a greedy rush running my fingers through the coins. I felt every thud when I dropped them. With every 'tink!' an oppressive feeling burns in my throat.

I need to know what secret they have. I need to know because I have a very despairing feeling about it.

I take the three tokens that have my face on them. I then decide to randomly grab three more tokens. I only need enough to get my secret but it doesn't hurt to be careful. Pocketing the 6 tokens, I slip out of my room. I silently creek the cafeteria door open a sliver. I count 8 heads, which means everyone is here. I slowly close the gap and make my way to the gym. I take a deep breath as I enter. I need to do this before Kenta and Haruna discover how much I've taken.

I pull out three coins and slot them in the machine. I make sure to use the ones with my face. They are my secrets and I don't want anyone else's tokens near them. I buy two secrets. One for me, and a hint for my second. The last three coins are sweaty in my hands. I squeeze them until they leave harsh red indents on my fingers. They only hurt when I flex them. Oh, why the hell not? I slot the last three in and gain someone else's secret. I take a peek at the three secrets given to me.

I bite a piece of my cheek hard enough to taste blood.

I jam all three slivers of paper in my pocket. I need to rejoin the others now. I go into the restroom and wash my hands. I turn the hot water on its highest setting until it burns. I shake them out but leave them wet enough to show. I walk back to the cafeteria and open the door without hesitation. I sit myself with Kenta, Haruna, Kojiro, and Veliah. Danny, Akira, and Evan all sit isolated in their own corners.

"Where have you been, Sanyu?" Kenta asks.

"I went to use the bathroom," I explain, I flick water at him to try and sell my lie.

"What about you and Haruna?" Kojiro asks, he give the two a wink, "I saw you two walking together."

Haruna swats Kojiro on the arm, "we were just doing laundry, from the chore list, remember?"

Kojiro gives a shrug, "I stopped doing that ages ago."

"Which is why we have no dishes," Veliah sighs, "I've had to do the load of 8 people by myself."

"Then just stop doing them!" Haruna exclaims, "let them pile up until we get our butts in gear to help."

"Then that completely ruins the point of the chore chart," Veliah explains, she massages her temples to slow the oncoming headache.

"Oh don't get your panties in a twist!" Haruna says, she wraps an arm around Veliah's shoulders, "how about we all do some chores now!"

I honestly don't care anymore. I get up and join Danny. I remember we have our general cleaning job together. I decide to spend some time with Danny, because I don't have the motivation to try with anyone else. We start off cleaning the tables in silence. I mindlessly gather the abandoned dishes and give them to Veliah. She cleans them too. This is so despairing, why am I even doing this? Stuck in a killing game and forced to wash the tables. At least when I was getting beat half to death I could find something enjoyable about it.

"So, Sanyu, how have you been?" Danny interjects once the quiet becomes unbearable. He has already moved on to sweeping.

"Pretty good," I automatically answer, "you?"

"I'm doing good too," Danny answers back. He pauses in his motions while considering something.

"Things could be better," Danny admits, "I think Akira is pretty mad at me now, I messed up."

That gets my attention, "She's still mad about you 'accepting' me or whatever?"

Danny shakes his head no, "Akira came back to the cafeteria a little before you did. I wanted to talk to her more about earlier. I asked her what was so wrong about wanting to know a little more about your friends? She said there was nothing wrong with it, so I asked her if there was anything in her past she wanted to talk about. She got mad at that though," Danny then starts to sweep more vigorously, "I'm just worried, I know there's something bothering her."

I nod along with the rant to show I'm still listening. I continue to collect the dirty plates and glasses. A fork jabs me when I pick a plate up and I let it stay stabbing me.

Danny then looks up at me, "And I know something is bothering you."

I raise my hands in defeat, "You got me, I'm worried about Akira too," I lie.

Danny seems satisfied with that answer for now, "We should both go talk with her later. I think this secret thing is getting to her. The Secret Segment announcement is really off putting," Danny pushes his bangs out of his eyes, "I'm starting to get nervous about it too."

I turn to Danny, "We could just say our greatest secrets now and deal with the fallout right here instead of later?"

"Wha!?" Danny gasps, "right now?"

"Sure, it's just us and you're my only friend here," I admit.

Danny closes his eyes and blurts, "Ihaveneverhadagirlfriend."

I stop. "That's dumb," Whoops, I said it out loud.

Danny blushes red, "It's embarrassing, I've never had a girlfriend before."

"I haven't had a girlfriend either," or a boyfriend, but specifics are not important here.

Danny let's out a sigh of relief, "That's honestly the only secret I have."

I suddenly feel a bubble of rage pop in me. That's the grand secret Danny has? That's what's supposed to push him to murder? Maybe I should just blurt the whole truth of my secret out. That'd give him a reason to murder. I tighten my grip of the cup I'm holding hoping it'll shatter in my hands. It doesn't. I go back to griping the sharp fork again. I breathe out of my nose and calm myself down.

"What's your secret?" Danny asks, "Wait, you don't have to tell me. I know mine is pretty tame so I felt comfortable sharing it with you."

"Just that I used to be despair," I reveal. That's the all encompassing umbrella for everything I've done. I've got so many secrets I'm surprised the Monokuma Teller was able to pick just two.

The intercom turns on and I check the time to confirm that it must be the secret announcement. I feel myself tense up in anticipation. I hope it's not time for my secret yet. The wait alone is already killing me.

"Hello, listeners," The female announcer begins, "It feels like months since I've taken over the night time announcements. The big wait is over now, it is time for our secret segment again. The subject of today's secret is the ever enthusiastic Haruna Takahashi-"

"FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK YYOOOUUUUUUUUUU!" Haruna screams down the halls. She then follows the shout with a loud jeering boo.

The announcement didn't even pause, "-Haruna has previously physically injured a teammate after hearing him whisper about her. I think that lines up nicely with her character. She is a psychotic brute who has been relentlessly shunned by those she seeks approval from. You want mommy and daddy to love you but you just can't keep your act together. It's no surprise Haruna had to be sent to a mental asylum when she was younger. I think it's a real shame the asylum didn't give her a good old fashioned lobotomy, might have fixed her personality... Ah, I think that's all we have time for, goodnight everyone."

I think I liked the bunt reveal of the first Secret Segment more. I feel even more nervous having heard how in-depth it goes. The comment about Haruna was just too cruel. I make a silent plea for Danny to stop asking questions. I don't want to talk about secrets anymore. The implications of my secret hint is something I don't want to acknowledge.

The announcements made our cleaning efforts halfhearted and rushed. It wasn't long before we finished. Danny leaves first telling us goodnight. Veliah ends up walking with me. She reaches her room before I do. Veliah goes to unlock her door when she stops mid motion. She just stands in front of her door for a few seconds. She sighs and pockets her key before knocking. The door swings open to show Haruna inside. I had almost forgotten she was staying with Veliah. Veliah stands impassive in front of a red eyed, snotty nosed, heaving Haruna. Veliah goes to speak until Haruna jabs her in the chest with her finger.

"I don't want to hear a single word. I don't want comfort and I don't want apologies," She jabs again, "I'll sleep here because I don't have a choice, not because I need you or anyone else!"

The door slams and Veliah remains locked out of her own room. Veliah's fist hit the wall with a meaty thud. I advert my eyes suddenly conscious of seeing something private. With a uncharacteristic string of cussing, Veliah shook her hand out to ease the pain.

"I'm not sorry in the first place," She mutters to herself, she then notices me staring, "...sorry you had to see that."

I quickly shake my head in denial, "No, it's fine, we're all pretty stressed with this motive."

Veliah clinches her fist before continuing, "I feel like I can't do anything, like someone is constantly a step ahead making sure I fail. I think I finally have someone figured out and it turns out it's all wrong," Veliah sighs defeated, "I only want to do what's best for everyone. I didn't realize how tiring that would be."

"I thought Haruna was annoying too," I point out, "I guess everyone has their reasons to do what they do."

Veliah closes her eyes before resigning, "Haruna is bound to let me in sooner or later, I'll just wait her out."

"Goodnight then," I shrug. If Haruna decides to stay in the room then I guess there's no night watch tonight. I head back to my room.

Back in my room I pull out the slips of paper. I unravel the crumpled mess and mull the two secrets over. Huh? Why is there only two? I had received three secrets!

I desperately pull my pockets inside out. I tug my jacket off and shake it. Nothing falls from it. I check my pockets a dozen times with no success. I've had my motive for half a day and I've already lost it! I fall backwards to stare at the ceiling light trying to remember when I last had it. I then decide to survey the damage. I need to know which secret was lost. I reread them both.

Your Secret: You whine about being alone, but whose fault is that? Your father deserved it, but what about your poor mother? What did your brother do too deserve that kind of death? When you're fleeing the crime scene remember to always drive safely in your getaway vehicle!

Someone Else's Secret: You can always relapse. Junko Enoshima is dead but your despairing actions avenge her. Everyone hates getting scammed so continue on uninterrupted. Your depictions of death are very avant garde!

I lost the hint. I could have lost someone else's secret, but no, I had to lose my worst one. I'm so going to die now. I'm going to get murdered any second now. I know someone found my secret. Someone found my secret and now they will kill be because of it. I'm going to get fucking beheaded, or drowned, or have my neck slashed, or get stabbed repeatedly, or- or... or I do it to them first.

The rest of the night my lost secret haunts my dreams. I force myself to sleep anyway. I'm going to need the energy tomorrow. I don't know if anyone found it yet, but there's bound to be a commotion.

Hint of your other secret: Be amazed, be mystified, you have murdered a family member of a surviving participant in the past. Luckily, the participant doesn't know their loved one is actually dead! Think hard on the faces and the smoke and mirrors of despair will focus.

(Pen Pals #3)

"Why force us into a killing game?" The thick letter questions, "I bet there's a super complex reason for it!"

The fluid note decided to humor the other, "Like some overarching plot to take over the world?"

"Isn't that what the first killing game was for?!" The thick letter read.

"I suppose in a way it was." The fluid note answered. The thick letter was a page long, but only that conversation stood out to them. The fluid writer sat for a day thinking about that implication.

The correspondences reluctantly destroy each others writing.

I will make no excuses, I've done y'all dirty. I made a resolution to myself to finish this no matter how long this takes. You will see the end I've got planned because I want to see it too! It's been so long I've had to reread my own fic. I definitely had some pitfalls but over all I think past me did pretty good. Big props to you guys for reading through those spelling mistakes. I should come back and fix those when this is finished lol. Also for future chapters, I don't encourage self harm, it is not something that should ever be glamorized.

Also, the reveal at the end, had that planned since chapter one. All of you, fear for your characters loved ones :) no one is safe from murder here!

Question for you: have any dead fics you miss?