5
Antonio was only going ten miles over the speed limit. Guess these homicides weren't going anywhere or there was no sign of an apparent threat. I had my eyes out the window thinking of what I was going to do with Cesar once I saw him. How could he lie to me? Why would he lie to me, he didn't have a reason to unless he was involved in this. He had no reason to hurt Remy or his parents especially after what they've both been through.
"So… this rough stuff… you like that kind of stuff?" Antonio asked lowly as if not trying to really ask. I slowly looked at him. Oh, I know we weren't having this conversation right now. I ducked my head some and looked away.
"I like to get a little dangerous now and then." I merely answered. I could tell he was mildly put off but nodded once.
"So you're seeing someone?" he asked and I shook my head.
"No." I replied.
"And you're not getting beat on- abused?" he asked. I shook my head again.
"I am not." I replied.
"So why didn't you say anything, you know how this looks to us right?" he asked, his tone raised a bit.
"Because who I fuck is not anyone's business." I stated firmly. I didn't care what they thought of my bruises. They were a mark of survival as I built my tough skin. I wouldn't be weak anymore.
"Are you at least being safe?" he asked. Every day of my life.
"Yes. Of course. I wouldn't continue to see you if I decided to be so reckless. Anything I go through, I would do it alone." I replied.
"But you're not alone. Truth be told, you have friends here in the department." he said.
"Yeah well I didn't ask for your friendship." I said viciously, before sighing that I said it out loud.
"Woah where the hell did that come from?" he asked angrily. I shook my head and looked at him, the anger apparent.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it." I replied.
"Well by how much of a distance you keep from all of us, I really think you meant it." he said and I looked away feeling my walls build back up but before I put that last brick atop of it, I thought maybe I owed him a small explanation. I glanced at him in thought. He's always been straight with me, all of them have. But if I do, then that lets him in. He steps over my wall and becomes a small part of my circle.
"I don't have a family anymore." I merely replied. There was more silence now and he glanced at me before looking back at the road.
"Can I ask what happened to them?" he asked.
"No." I replied swiftly and he nodded.
"Okay." he said lightly and we were quiet once more and I just remained quiet. "So… you want me to be rough with you?" I choked on air and cleared my cleared my throat as I looked at him.
"What?" I asked. He glanced at my neck before motioning his head at it.
"Belt mark… you need to be strangled or something to get off? If that's something you like… I'd be willing to try it with you." he muttered some and I just stared at him stunned. He would try that? Why? That's not who he was. He liked to grip hips and smack ass. I found myself smiling releasing a light chuckle.
"Antonio, I don't want you to change your habits for me. I like your habits." I replied.
"But you didn't cum last time." he blurted out glancing at me, and I shrugged.
"So? Not everyone does." I replied and he just shook his head.
"You've made me cum each time we're together. I feel, I don't know, maybe like it's one sided if you don't cum." he said and I could see the crowd of officers coming into view. There was a brick, two story home with cops all over it.
"Let's talk about this later." I said lightly and he just nodded.
"Yeah okay." he said and I just got out. He was getting too close. I mean he shouldn't care so much. It's just sex. I walked to Kevin and Adam.
"Hey what's happened?" I asked. Adam lifted the yellow tape for me to move under and I did. We entered the house and I was hit with the smell of rotting flesh. I covered my nose with my sleeve as I looked to my left. There they were, lying on a smashed coffee table.
"Karen and Nigel Haynes. Forty-five and fifty. Single gunshot, execution style. Got a call from ballistics, the gun used at the Yang case was matched to a 9 mm Beretta. Get this, there was another death on Monroe's street. Halstead said the bullets used for the three dead match the same gun. Same gun, three different murders, there are all a match." Kevin explained. I winced at the news.
"We've got ourselves a serial killer." I said and noticed the paramedics carrying two black body bags from the upstairs. I tensed. "Children?" Adam nodded slowly pointing to two different blood splatters on the wall close to the kitchen doorway. Two chairs were there, caked in blood.
"Amy and Tyler Haynes. Nine and twelve. The bastard made them watch as he killed their parents before killing them and bringing them upstairs and putting them to bed." he explained. Hank was following the paramedics when he saw us and came over.
"Well we got one more kid to look for. Fifteen-year-old Jessica Haynes has her own room. Her body isn't here so we gotta assume she's somewhere out there." he explained and I looked around the room for a moment. I began to look around the room for a moment before Hank approached me.
"Hey. You get anything from your end?" he asked. I swallowed some and nodded.
"Yes. Remy was hanging out with someone, someone I am familiar with from our youth. Maybe he is involved" I replied lowly.
"This someone got a name?" he asked, watching me carefully. Before I could reply there was a loud clang coming from upstairs and we all looked up and around, our guns coming out. Hank looked at us and motioned for us to follow with caution. We did and the four of us headed up stairs. Once at the top we followed Hank to our left we separated into the two bedrooms that we found. Adam and Kevin checked out the parent's bedroom and from the boy band and popstar posters, I assumed it was Jessica's room. Maybe the killer was still here? Hank and I scanned the room quickly before our eyes came to the long brown closet. Hank and I looked at each other and he moved along the side as I raised my gun preparing to fire.
He placed his hand on the door knob and looked at me and I confirmed that I was read. He silently mouthed a count down. 3…2…1. He opened the door and the second I saw hands in the air I yelled.
"POLICE SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!" I yelled and Hank moved around pointing his gun but once we saw the young brunette girl on her knees shaking we lowered our guns immediately.
"Jessica?" Hank said and she looked up and nodded, blood painted her face and she just kept nodding as she whimpered. Hank placed his gun away and raised his hands.
"Hey we're not going to hurt you." he said and I put my gun away and moved over to her as we helped her up.
"Are you hurt?" I asked quickly and her lips quivered as she just started to sob.
"He didn't kill me… he didn't kill me." she cried and Hank yelled for paramedics. She suddenly looked at me and grabbed my hand. She looked me dead in the eyes and they were wild and filled with a look I knew all too well. Her world had blown and her eyes were crazed.
"Are you Ashta?" she asked swiftly and I leaned back stunned that she knew my name. Hank looked at me sharply and I just nodded. "He wanted me to give you a message in return for my life." I looked at Hank flabbergasted. This psycho knew me? What the hell was going on? I looked at her.
"What? What did he say?" I asked trying to sound sympathetic. She just leaned into me and I leaned into her as she shakenly cupped her hands over my ear.
"I've become unhinged."
My eyes widened and my body was frozen as she leaned away from me and I looked down at her with wide eyes. She did not just say that. There was no point asking if she had misheard. There was on mishearing that. Hank looked at me carefully and I just stepped away as the paramedics came to help her. Hank was on the other side, but I just walked through the door needing to get air. My entire body was tight and I felt like I was suffocating in the room. My heart was pounding hard and my stomach knotted up. This wasn't happening. No it wasn't one of us who would do this. They couldn't do this! They are good people.
Ashta!" Hank calls but I just kept moving until I was outside. I took large breaths and gripped my chest hard. Eyes were all on me and I felt the world was watching me suddenly. I felt a hard-gloved hand on my shoulder and I looked at Hank as he looked at me hard.
"What the hell was that?" he asked and he leaned back as if caught off guard by something. It didn't take me long to realize my face was wet with tears. I just looked up at him unsure of what to do.
After Jessica was taken to the hospital, Hank commanded everyone head back to Intelligence to further discuss the killings. I was told to ride with him. I couldn't hide it anymore, I knew that much. I had given myself away by letting my emotions get the best of me. My suspicions were true when Hank ended up driving us to the docks instead of back to the station. He parked the car, shut it off then looked at me. He seemed to be trying to figure me out.
"No more secrets. I want the truth." he said. I just stared at him blinking slowly.
"What do you want to know?" I asked blankly.
"How is Remy Yang connected to you?" he asked seriously and his tone was dark and demanding and I just took an even breath.
"We go to the same support group called the Forgotten Children. It's for victims who survived the Chicago Butcher." I answered and Hank's eyes lightened just a bit before the dark alpha eyes faded over.
"You were one of the victims." he said. I nodded.
"He killed my brothers and parents in front of me when I was twelve. Guess he thought I was special." I said, my body starting to shake some, but I refused to come undone now.
"What did she whisper to you, that freaked out so much?" he asked. I was quiet for a few seconds.
"'I've become unhinged'." I answered and he shook his head and shrugged.
"What does that mean?" he asked. More tears flowed down my cheeks as I just looked ahead at the calm water.
"It's a code phrase, I guess you could say. When one of us says that it means we've lost our battle with trying to keep our sanity, the trauma is too painful for us that hurting others is the only thing that can make us feel better, to get the raw emotions out. The want to make others suffer is there and we want to act on it. We don't care about the consequences of our actions as long as we get to inflict pain on someone like the Butcher did. It's the only thing some of us feel would make us feel better. But we all agreed to tell each other so if they ever uttered that sentence we'd agreed to distance ourselves from them." I explained. Hank just stared at me with a light gaze.
"In case you become unhinged too from the trauma." he said.
"Or maybe we don't want to be involved or get hurt ourselves… Remy said that before he jumped. Jessica Hayne said it too. It's someone from our support group." I stated and Hank just rubbed his hand over his mouth.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked. I shook my head.
"I couldn't… Remy was just a coincidence or so I thought. I had seen him a month ago, that part is true. He was fine from what I remembered. I just thought this was his past coming back too strong for him. But now I don't know." I said and he just stared at me and for once he looked hurt, but the hard mask started to show again.
"You ever feel… unhinged?" he asked. I could tell he was trying to read me, figure me out to see if somehow, I am no longer a detective but a monster. I scoffed wiping my face.
"No… I found out about the other victims through therapists. I wanted to get help and the government provided the money to do it. I have other ways of dealing with my trauma, because it is there Hank. It will always be there inside me. I won't deny that. But I would never hurt anyone. It's why I became a cop. That's why I can't get too close to any of you guys. Because to care for you all would mean to feel that trauma once more if something happens to you." I explained. He stared at me for a moment.
"This person who got rough with you, he from your support group?" he asked and I winced and looked away not wanting to say anymore because I didn't want these two worlds to collide. I sighed some and nodded.
"Yes. But it's all mutual roughness. He's not beating me or anything." I said and he just shook his head and looked at the lake.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Ashta. The pain you purposely put on yourself isn't going to stop the pain you feel." he said. "Trust me I know… I lost my son a few years back and taking care of his killer didn't do too much on taking the pain away." I looked at him and sniffled some.
"I didn't know you had a son." I replied gently and he looked at me with a weak smile.
"There's a lot you don't know about me or any of us. Look Ashta, you don't have to go through this alone. We may not have experienced the horrors you've experienced as a child, shit no child should have to, but our team is tough and has dealt with trauma too. Don't count us out so quickly." he said and I looked at him for a moment before looking down some.
"I understand… Hank we've both put it together that someone from our support group has gone off the deep end. He or she will be killing a lot more. Now some of them are doing fine with their lives. But I know we can't count them out." I said and he nodded.
"So we gotta talk to all the members." he said. I nodded.
"Our group has gotten smaller over the years of course, because some believe they are completely fine." I replied. Hank nodded and began to start the car.
"We'll need a list of everyone you know that attends frequently and who has shown signs of… becoming unhinged. You'll be working with me." he said and I just nodded.
"I could probably get a few people to willingly come in. They'll want to clear their names." I explained and he nodded.
"That'll work." he said. "And Ashta, the guy who did that to you try to see if you can get him into the station today." I looked at him hearing the graveness in his tone and I just nodded.
"Alright… no problem." I replied. Oh Hank what are you going to do?