6

I felt completely exposed now. Having admitted everything to Hank, having to unlock that dark box to someone who didn't go through what I went through, made me paranoid.

"I feel vulnerable and exposed right now. Like I made a mistake telling you this." I replied looking at Hank. He glanced at me before looking back at the road.

"It's not easy having to show the entirety of who you are." he said and I scoffed.

"Yeah especially to someone who doesn't trust me." I said and it was quiet again.

"I trust you, Ashta. But it wasn't a good look, you hiding things from me, from your team it never is. People are dying and we have to stop whoever is responsible. Is there anything else I need to know in order to catch this guy?" he asked. I was quiet for a long moment and that was enough to tell him that there was.

"Someone from our group was hanging with Remy more than usual, one of the neighbors and Remy's parents confirmed it." I said. "I don't know if he's in charge of the heroine or even involved with these recent murders."

"This guy got a name?" he asked and I nodded biting my cheek not wanting to say his name.

"Cesar Carson. He and I use each other to release our stress and pain so we don't become unhinged." I said.

"You mean he beats you when he's angry." he said. I frowned at his assumption thinking we just went over this.

"No he fucks me when we both need to release our feelings." I snapped and Hank shot me a glare and I just scoffed and looked away. God I hated that he brought out these feelings in me, making me feel week and unprotected. "I'll never expect you to understand me. So let's just move on from this conversation so we can catch this guy. Please."

Hank's POV

Our entire conversation rattled in my brain a bit. I never would have guessed one of my detectives was a victim of the Chicago Butcher. Even though she came off as a private person I would have never guessed. She was good with keeping herself blocked off from everyone. But even though she said she didn't feel the same way as this murderous bastard, I still worried she wasn't handling her problems in a healthy way. I mean fighting during sex? Sure there was nothing wrong with aggressive sex, but she looked like she got into a small brawl with someone and I couldn't have her coming in every week with bruises on her face. If this case doesn't destroy her then her ways of relieving stress would. No, this had to stop. I can't let anyone, especially not a man, beat up on her. My jaw tightened and I looked away.

I was thinking that maybe I should take her off this case, and just use her as a consultant, keep her out of the brunt of everything.

"Look. Since you are technically involved in this case, I think you should be our consultant on this. You know point us in the right direction to take this guy down." I said. She whipped her head at me stunned.

"Boss, my group will not trust any other cops except me. A badge couldn't save us as children and I'm sure some of them will still think that today. I can relate to them, so they will open up more to me." she explained, calmer now and I just frowned thinking she was right. I couldn't even imagine what she had gone through. How she manages to stay sane all this time even with her sexual habits, is still short of a miracle. She was on her phone through most of the drive.

"Some of the group members will come in tomorrow… Cesar, I am not sure about." she said lowly and I glanced at her. I wasn't used to seeing her look so responsive like this. She always looked dazed or calm as if nothing bothered her. But I could tell speaking of this guy really got to her.

"What's he do for work?" I asked and she looked at me.

"He works in construction. He likes to build things, he's very good." she replied with a hint of impression in her tone. I looked her over upon hearing it. I knew they had history, and I felt I should take that into consideration when I personally interview him. But upon seeing the belt mark around her neck, I knew I wanted to beat the living shit out of this guy.

"Well if this guy got nothing to hide I'm sure he'd have no trouble coming to the station." I stated. I needed to calm down, my knuckles were turning white from gripping the wheel too hard. I just couldn't get this dude out of my mind.

"Okay just keep trying to get anyone in." I demanded.

Ashta's POV

I left voicemails and text messages to other members. It felt wrong involving them, but then I remembered one of them was a killer. This would be harder than I thought. My worlds were colliding and I couldn't stop it. I called Cesar and got his voicemail.

"You lied to me. I'm very disappointed and I can't see you anymore. You want to make it right, come to the station. If you don't, then don't bother coming around." I hung up and did my best to stop the shaking. I knew it was an empty threat, but I would follow through if he ended up not showing up. I still couldn't believe he lied to me, that he may have been involved with Remy's death.

But maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was just trying to be a supportive friend to Remy. Now was not the time to jump to conclusions. I would need to get to work in finding the answers before someone else was killed.

Hank looked at me quizzically and I looked at him.

"He wouldn't risk losing me. Maybe it will get him to show up." Hank just nodded and continued driving. Once we arrived at the station I just sat at my desk listening to Antonio discuss the Monroe murder. Tammy and David Lane, a newlywed couple who just got married three days ago. That's definitely an easy way to hurt two families by killing their just married children.

"No one saw anything." Hailey said with a sigh and Hank nodded.

"Well we got a new lead. Ashta, want to fill the team in?" Hank asked and I shot him a look that was close to saying 'hell no' and he noticed but I nodded. I stood up and looked at everyone. Immediately I felt my body trembling as I felt a tremendous weight on my shoulders.

"The killer may be someone I know. I am a part of the support group for victims of the Chicago Butcher. Now both Remy Yang and Jessica Haynes said a phrase that has alerted me that the killer is from our group. They said 'I've become unhinged'. The key word unhinged. It means someone has gone off the deep end and is so traumatized by what happened to them, that the only way to feel any better is to start hurting others or worse… killing them. Another member, Cesar Carson was seen hanging with Remy a lot more than the other members. That's as much as I know. He may or may not have given Remy heroin." I replied. I could see Antonio's look of betrayal turn to anger. I knew he was mad I didn't say anything about Cesar's identity back at Mrs. Bernstein's place.

"Ashta's going to composite a list of the group's members. Some are coming in tomorrow for questioning. The press is going to eat this up so we make sure everything is done by the books. As far as we know, these last two attacks were random, but they will happen again and we need to get ahead of this. Kim and Hailey talk to the neighbors of the Lane family. Kevin and Adam go talk to the neighbors of the Haynes. Someone's got to have seen something. You don't just kill two families close without anyone seeing anything. Jay and Antonio, as soon as Ashta gets the list compiled you'll go pay a visit to some of the support members." Hank command. I lifted my head up at him upon hearing him send Hailey and Antonio to talk to them. But I knew someone had to if they wouldn't all come here.

I got started with the list first putting the names of people I knew and their numbers. I didn't want to add Cesar's name, because he and I needed to talk, but I couldn't not do it. I didn't want the team to think I was hiding something. Everyone moved into action. Once I had a list of names and phone numbers, I used our data base to get their addresses and printed the lists. I paused and just stared at this long list on my computer screen. I shook my head feeling like this wasn't right. I was betraying them, it felt. I looked down feeling my palms begin to sweat and I placed my hands over my face for a split second before getting up and moving from the room. I headed down the hall.

"Ashta wait!" I heard Antonio call but I just raised my hand to him.

"Not now Antonio please!" I yelled and continued to move fast. I felt like my heart was going to explode. Everything was a blur around me. I needed some air. I needed to get out of here. Everything just felt so fucked up. I moved down the stairs and through the chain door. I had my eyes on the ground for a long moment until familiar black boots flashed into my eye sight. I wasn't able to stop in time before I ran into the owner of the boots. My chest collided into his, and his hands locked around my back to catch me. I was shocked to see him here.

"Cesar." I said and Cesar looked down at me calmly before giving a weak smile.

"Hey detective. Heard you've been looking for me." he said smoothly. His face was bruised his right eye black and blue from our last sessions. His hold began to tighten around me some as he began to lean into me. My eyes widened as his lips were growing closer and closer to me. Oh he was not going to kiss me right now. We've never kissed in public so the action freaked me out.

"Hey." I heard an aggressive tone as I looked back to see Hank walking up to us. Cesar released me and his eyes glared down at Hank as he had height advantage over my boss. But Hank didn't look afraid at all. "You Cesar Carson?" I tensed immediately at the way the two were looking at each other. Two alphas not afraid of anything. Cesar nodded.

"Last time I checked." he said, and Hank nodded slowly watching Cesar carefully.

"Good, we've been looking for you. I guess you wouldn't mind answering some questions." he said and Cesar just looked him over before scoffing.

"I'll only talk to Ashta." he said, eyes starting to blank. The emotion was draining from his orbs, a sign he was already bored with speaking to Hank.

"Not your call. I run things here." he said. Cesar just stared down at him.

"And you think that means anything to me? You think you having a badge means anything to me?" he asked in a chilling tone and I just looked at Hank reminding him with my eyes to take this easy. He knows that members in my support group won't talk to anyone. Hank just smirked as if amused and that scared me more than just seeing the two here.

"Let's go." he said turning from Cesar which was definitely a sign of disrespect. Cesar was about to make a quick move on Hank, but I placed my hand on his shoulder and slid around him glaring him to behave.

"Behave. You owe me that much for lying." I said lowly and Cesar just leaned back some and looked away with a scoff before following Hank and I was right behind both men as they moved down the familiar hall leading to the interrogation rooms.