Judy flipped through pages of a criminal file as Nick hummed to himself, washing out bottles in the sink. She raised her coffee mug and blew the steam away before taking a long sip. "It's so strange, I recognize these faces, but still...it's just not there." She sighed and laid the folder down with the others as she rubbed her temples.
"Whatcha looking at there?" Nick toweled his hands as he peeked over Judy's shoulder. He stilled as he looked the deceased criminal folders she had laid out on the table. Staring back at him were the profiles of the ram's that had abducted them. "Judy, honey...what are you doing?" He reached over her head to close a folder, and then stretched out to grab another before just caught his arm and held him away.
Looking up at him, Judy gave a gentle squeeze. "I was just trying to remember some things. I got our case file out, and so much of it is redacted. I think I'm in a good enough place to know what really happened to us." She pushed his arm away and reopened the folder.
"I don't think that's such a good idea." Nick cornered the table and held his hands over the photos. "I thought we said we were going to leave it alone." He moved closer to steal a kiss, getting a quick peck on his lips, and smile before Judy pulled the folder from underneath his grip.
"Nick, if you aren't going to tell me, then I have to find out myself." She held her mug to his face as he tried to reach for the folder. Standing, she gathered the other folders and held them against her chest. "Call it the curiosity of a bunny."
"That's a cat." Nick shook his head, then rubbed his jaw. "There is nothing good that can come out of knowing what happened. Let's just focus on the good things now. No reason to go back to..bad things." He reached for the folders again, this time met by Judy's back as she stood, her ears lowered across her shoulders.
Judy sighed, then looked to the ceiling. "Why can't I know?" She looked over her shoulder at Nick, watching him slump his hands to his sides, then lower his head in shame. "That's the reason I want to know. Because every time it comes up, you get all like that. If you can't tell me, then there has to be something really bad, and I need to know what it is so you don't have to deal with it alone. We're married, that's how it goes. Your pain is my pain, and my pain is your pain."
"Anything but that. I'll tell you anything you want to know, just not about that." Nick winced as the memories renewed in his mind. "I'll tell you about the dinner, I'll tell you about the beach, I'll tell you about the great view from the room..."
"You'll tell me everything but what I want to know. Nick, that's not fair. I'm tired of fighting with you about this. I'm tired of everyone walking around me on glass seashells, and acting like I'm not a grown rabbit who can take it. What happened to me?!" Judy covered her mouth as her voice raised. She ripped a photo from the folder and held it in front of Nick's face. "Why are dead goats in my file? Why do they have lacerations that just scream your name? Did you kill someone? Did I kill someone?" This is torture, having these thoughts in my head all the time."
Nick snatched the picture away and embraced Judy, catching her face as her frustrated cry erupted into his chest. He rocked her as she cried, the folders falling scattered onto the floor. "I...Judy I can't let you go back to that time. I never want to think of you like that again, and I never want you to think about it. You have to trust me, it's better to forget it. You can hate me for it, but I just can't. I owe it to you to suffer for everything that happened that night."
Judy pushed Nick away, her eyes streaming angry tears. "Don't you dare! Owe me? If you owe me anything, it's part of my life. Give me my closure, tell me what happened!" Nick shook his head, and fell to her knees. "Give me something...I'm begging you. If you love me, you'll just tell me one thing, anything. Did I do something bad? Did you? How and why did these guys die?" She gasped as Nick bared his teeth, then she held her stomach, feel suddenly sick. "Oh, god, did they rape me? Did you kill them because they raped me?"
"Damn it! No! They didn't rape you, I did! I did! I took your first time right there on the damn floor! They are dead because I screwed up. I was weak and I..." Nick stared into his shaking paws, then he looked at Judy's pale expression. "I let them force you to give your first time to me. That's not how it should have been. I did things I can never take back. I couldn't even protect you...what kind of husband am I?" He laughed at himself, then fought back tears by staring and swallowing back his emotion. "You don't need to know...please...I don't want you to know." He felt his paws held softly by Judy's tiny grasp, and he breathed slowly as she pressed herself into him. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"You don't have to apologize for anything. You could never rape me. I'll never accept that. But I am grateful that it was you who I gave myself to. Even if they forced me, I know I would not regret being with you." Judy nestled herself into Nick's chest, listening to his racing heartbeat. "We can work through this, right? You can open up and tell me about now?"
Nick stilled, then he sighed. "Bellwether. She... I... You..." He patted Judy's back, then pulled away. "I'm just not ready yet. Just give me some time. All you need to know is I got our payback, I gave that bitch everything she gave us double." He stepped away, his tail dragging low behind him.
"What does that mean? Nick?" Judy reached for Nick's distraught figure as he walked away from her. "Nick, what do you mean by that? What did you do? Nick?"