A/N: I suck, I know it. This chapter took an unknown turn. I was not expecting it, but it showed up and hit me over the head. I've had half of this chapter written for about 2 months and couldn't find a way to end it so I could post, but then, just last week, it hit me and I wrote the rest of the chapter over the course of 2 days. I hope it makes sense, I'm just kind of posting it here because it's a decently long chapter. I hope you all enjoy.
Peace, Love, and Slyther,
Gimi aka Jess
Hermione woke the next day a bit apprehensive. She wasn't sure what she had been thinking the previous night when she had invited Rodolphus to help her find an appropriate dress for the party. She had intended to go alone, into muggle London, as to keep the criticisms of her choice, low.
But as she spotted him at the door of the parlour, she could see it in his eyes. That, regret of life choices, he always seemed to adopt when looking at her or plans about the wedding and it, coupled with the events of the evening, seemed to have broken her walls even further. Walking up to him, the stilted way he spoke with her, she found she didn't want that. She did want to form a father/daughter bond with him. She had been resigned to marrying Thorfinn, made it a priority spend time with, and even started falling for him, but at that moment, she couldn't say the same about her parents.
Truthfully, if she was being honest with herself, she was afraid of Rodolphus. Afraid of disappointing the man who was her biological father. Her adoptive parents had been completely supportive of her growing up, of her magic, and her decisions. That was until she used her magic against them. They forgave her initially, came home with her, but she could always feel an underlying sense of fear from her mother and father, and they died before she could fix it.
If she thought about it, that was the reason she was afraid. Rodolphus LeStrange was a Death Eater and even though she knew now it was forced upon him, he was still a man who, at one point, would have been angry and upset over her upbringing. Obviously, she knew this is unreasonable, but a part of her, the part that craves parental approval, was frightened that he never will.
Walking down the steps and almost into the dining room, she saw her father and Teddy having toast and marmalade. The young boy sat smiling as Rodolphus added more of the tangy concoction to his toast.
"Uncle Roddy," Teddy said suddenly after a bite of his breakfast, "Grandma says you were a bad man once. Are you a good one now?"
Rodolphus dropped his knife and thought quietly for a moment, "I was a bad man Teddy, I am sad to say, I hurt many witches and wizards in the past, even muggles."
Teddy nodded solemnly as he took another bite, "My Gran says my mum and da fought in a war when they died, did you fight too?"
Rodolphus gave the boy a sad smile, "I did, I was a bad man in the war."
"I miss my mummy and daddy." The young boy's words cut Hermione deep, knowing that he would never get to know his parents.
Rodolphus nodded knowingly, "Your parents are so proud of the young man you've become Teddy. Your granddad too. Ted Tonks was a great man, I'm sorry you'll never meet them outside a portrait."
Teddy nodded and continued to munch on his toast. He looked up at Rodolphus and said, "It's okay Uncle Roddy. I was bad at Uncle Harry's and he said that as long as you really mean it, you can say you're sorry."
Rodolphus smiled, "Thank you, Teddy. You're Uncle Harry is right. You can be forgiven, but my mistakes might be too big, it'll take a lot to forgive me."
Teddy stood up from his chair, his light blue hair turning a rusty brown colour, as he stood by Rodolphus' chair and gave him a one-armed hug, "I forgive you, Uncle Roddy." After a small squeeze, the little boy grabbed his toast and ran out the doors and into Hermione. Shouting a greeting of good morning, he ran passed and up the stairs.
Hermione walked in, stunned at the conversation she had stumbled upon, but grateful nonetheless. Giving her father a smile, she began to fill her plate with a bit of breakfast.
OoOoOoO
Several hours found the LeStrange family in a posh London street. Hermione had been to this shopping district in the past, but never for herself. While her muggle parents were not suffering for money, they instilled a sense of frugality and practicality in their daughter.
Entering some of the shops, Rodolphus immediately caught the eye of several assistants. His muggle suit and his highbrow upbringing signalled 'money', not to mention he was not hard on the eyes.
Hermione rolled her eyes at the assistants who all turned on their charm, and flirty eyes onto her father, as she began to glance around.
Hermione and Rodolphus fiddled with some clothing, before realising that it was not going to work for the event. They walked through several more shops, with the same results. Including the female populous, tripping over themselves to be of help to Rodolphus. Hermione would have found it amusing if she were not beginning to panic over the dress.
After the fourth store, she and Rodolphus went into a nearby coffee shop to recharge on tea and a biscuit when Rodolphus spotted something sparkling out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, he grabbed Hermione's arm and dragged her out of the building and across the street, staring at a shop window.
"This," he said simply, "This will be beautiful on you."
Hermione looked up at the window. There she saw a dress. It was embossed with diamante crystals that shown in the sunlight. Rodolphus took her arm and walked into the shop.
Inside, the lone assistant got Hermione into the changing room where she stared at herself in the mirror.
"Hermione put these on," Rodolphus said from the opposite side of the door, a pair of five-inch silver stilettos dangled from the top. The top buckle surrounding her ankle as she put them on. Whispering a balance and cushioning charm, she stood tall and looked at herself in the mirror again. The image of herself in this dress shocked her.
Hermione walked out of the changing room, moving over to the trio of mirrors that Rodolphus was waiting by. She stood in front of them, appreciating the way the light bounced off the crystals and made her sparkle.
Rodolphus, standing behind her, was speechless. His mind taking him back to a time where his own wife may have worn something similar, yet his daughter, Hermione looked more beautiful than even Bellatrix. Not for the first time, did he feel lucky to be in the presence of his daughter? He also hoped that her betrothed realised just how lucky he was.
"Well?" Hermione asked apprehensively, Rodolphus had been staring at her for a few minutes, a dazed look on his face, "Do you think it will do for the engagement party?"
Rodolphus caught the look of doubt in his daughter's grey eyes and his blue ones softened, "Hermione, you are breathtaking. It is perfect for your engagement party."
Hermione looked at herself again in the mirror, her confidence growing as she moved slightly, watching the crystals catch the light, "Is it too revealing? Too sexy for a bonded bride to be?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the sparkles.
Rodolphus shook his head, "Maybe in my day, it would be inappropriate, but you, you will hold your head up high and shoulders back. You will show any pureblood that you are Hermione LeStrange, you will bow to no one." He caught her eye in the mirror again, "Not even your family legacy. LeStrange, Black, or Granger, you transcend us all."
Hermione gave him a grateful smile, "I doubt that I'm sure Narcissa was a true beauty when it came to dressing for these events. Andy and Bella look so similar, they were sure to turn heads." Looking back into the mirror, "I'll be lucky to stay upright through the night." She said, doubt worming its way back into her head.
Rodolphus looked at his daughter's reflection, with a hard expression, "Hermione LeStrange, you are not seeing yourself clearly. You are beautiful, not just because you're..." His eyes softened as he watched her fingers fiddling with the fabric, "Despite having criminals for parents, you have a beautiful soul. You might not think so, but the way you have been coming to terms with your twisted lot in life."
Grabbing her hand and giving it a soft squeeze, "No one would blame you if you let your mother and myself rot in Azkaban. After every-" his voice cracked at the mere memory of his wife's actions against his daughter, clearing his throat, he continued, "Everything you have been through, have lost, and endured. You still find it in your heart to take a chance on three morally questionable family members. Not to mention your fiancé. You've opened yourself up to monsters, I realise how hard your life is now. Don't ever believe that you are tainted by our actions. If anything, you are exactly how I would have wanted you to be. Well… maybe not a Gryffindor."
Hermione snorted as he squeezed her fingers once more. She looked back at her reflection, the critical eye dissipating as she once again admired her pale frame in the navy dress. It really was beautiful. She nodded her agreement and went to change while her father sat back down and waited.
OoOoOoO
Hermione and Rodolphus finished with their shopping, decided to stop by St Mungos and check on Bellatrix. Hermione did so for her father, she still trembled at the thought of Bellatrix as her mother. Though their last few encounters had been considered positively dull compared to their first few meetings in Azkaban, she couldn't help it. While she was no longer afraid of the woman, seeing her in a warm light would take much longer than it did for Rodolphus, given their personal history.
No longer needing Pansy to escort them to the ward, the LeStrange family made their way up to the fourth floor. Hermione waved her wand and the two were admitted into the secure ward. Turning towards her mother's room, Hermione nodded at the guard posted at the door, noting the extra security charms that Harry had enlisted Bill to set up.
After what had happened at Azkaban, Kingsley was more involved when it came to, not only protecting prisoners at the prison but also deeply invested in relying on more than just a wizard's moral compass when it came to high-security prisoners. Harry has mentioned the extra detail, aurors were now making on the island, while new training protocols were being made, as well as more intensive charms, like muggle security cameras, were being weaved into the prison wards. Connecting them to the warden as well as a new division within the MLE, Kingsley put in place, to hold the guards accountable. And dissuade exacting revenge for personal vendettas.
Hermione was glad to know, Kingsley took Bella's rape seriously, he had all the guards involved in Bella's case, as well as a few others from other investigations, awaiting trial. She knew Kingsley was a good man and an ethical minister. He would not allow this to go on.
Upon entering the room, Hermione spotted Bellatrix sitting, in a chair by a charmed window. She noted the view looked like the gardens of LeStrange Estates. Bellatrix was focused on a small toddler at the bottom of the window, sitting on a blanket, enjoying a snack. Reaching out to stroke the soft black curls, Bellatrix sighed with regret as the picture dissolved into nothingness.
Rodolphus, seeing what his wife had been watching, cleared his throat and walked in the room with a bit more enthusiasm, as to distract his family from the awkward scene that was unfolding. Pulling his wife into his arms for a hug, he gave her a gentle squeeze and a kiss on her temple, keeping his lips there for a moment longer than necessary.
He hoped to pass some strength to her. While he was still angry at her for her torture of their daughter, he was trying to understand the state of the war and in Bella's mind at that time. He had done some despicable things of his own during the war, some of which, he had not been opposed to at the time. He couldn't say for sure that if it had been him at the Manor instead of Bella, that he wouldn't have done the same thing. That thought alone, that was enough to begin to heal the fissure in his heart towards his wife. She had enough healing on her own to deal with, she did not need his anger and resentment as well.
Bellatrix openly accepted his affection, it had been a long road to recovery, her emotions were still sporadic, she could feel madness bubbling just under the surface at times. Just looking at the woman who was her daughter, she could sometimes feel the urge to strangle the girl, just like she had at her sister's home. The feeling, in the beginning, was so strong, she had asked the healer to give her a dose of sedative potion. Healer Bones complied, as well as added muggle therapy sessions to her treatment. Apparently, this method of healing was doing well for patients who suffered during the war.
It was hard in the beginning, but after a while, Bellatrix began to feel more than hate, mainly regret, then remorse. The enchanted window from her memories of happier times was to remind her of the life she had repressed, had forgotten. Her life before the madness, of her Lyra.
Susan and Pansy had just begun to include a few of their own memories of the "Hermione Granger" they had known in school. This was to begin to intertwine the Granger girl was the one and the same as her little Lyra. Bellatrix had seen bits and pieces of her daughter through the eyes of a friend and of a foe. The warring in her soul began to knit the girls together, she was finally beginning to see them as the same.
Still uncomfortable seeing Bellatrix reminiscing of what looked like her infancy, Hermione went to the table and began to pour a glass of water. She had seen the look on her mother's face, through the reflection of the window, the sadness had shown through her grey eyes.
Hermione tried, she was trying to move pass through the… not fear, she didn't fear the woman, she didn't even hate Bellatrix. She had, for years after the war, whenever she would see the angry red scar on her left arm. Tears of hate and anger would threaten to spill over. She had hated her mother at Bellatrix's trial where she was forced to recall details of her torture at Malfoy Manor, but at the time, she had thought she would never have to see the woman again. That helped to dull the emotions until one day, she looked down at the scar and no longer felt the intense emotion, but more a dulled acceptance. She had begun to heal. She remembered that she was not controlled by her emotions, she had forgiven many people for their parts in the war, and while her past with Bellatrix was tumultuous, the one she shared with Draco was far more scarring as they were schoolmates. That was when she realised, she was not above letting go.
No, Hermione was not afraid of Bellatrix hurting her, but she was aware that she still held something that was close to it. Not for her life, but more like she held for Rodolphus. She was afraid, a little part of her at least was afraid that Bellatrix would continue to hate her for her upbringing. Acceptance, that was something that Hermione craved, being accepted as a witch, as a muggleborn… er… raised, accepted as a daughter. It seemed she would always be chasing it in some form or another.
"Good afternoon Love," Rodolphus said, continuing to cover the awkwardness with his cheer. "How are you feeling today? Stronger?" He watched as his wife continued to observe their daughter fiddle with the water jug. Rodolphus chuckled internally, the fiddling was an unknown inheritance of her mother's. Bellatrix had always been a fussing witch, needing things to fill her hands when she was nervous or anxious.
"Uhh," Bellatrix said, her voice still a bit foreign to her ears. She had not used it much when she was coherent, to hear it calm and not shrill was an adjustment. "Stronger, yes. That is a good word for it."
Still looking at Hermione, she said, "How are you, Her-," She took a breath, her arm, moved up to her waist, pinching her side as a reminder to continue, "Her- Hermione?"
Hermione looked up startled, Bellatrix had never spoken to her, in the time she had been in the hospital, she had been catatonic at first and then it was treatments to get her stable and mind healers to sort through the years of madness. Hermione had been used to being an observer in these visits, not a participant.
"I, uh, I'm fine," Hermione said slowly.
"I… uh," Bellatrix's fingers pinched so hard, that her eyes began to water, Rodolphus, noticing a hitch in his wife's voice, realised what she was doing and brought her back to the chair, holding onto her hand, squeezing softly in support.
Feeling her husband's magic hum through his fingers calmed her nerves. Sitting poised on the edge of the seat, her legs crossed primly under her, Hermione chuckled inside realising that her mother must have been trained from a young age.
She remembered her muggle mother chastising her on proper etiquette growing up. Spoons, forks, water goblets, leg placement, she had to learn it all. While not used for everyday meals and occasions, Hermione still had to know what proper young ladies were expected to do. That was her mother's obsession, her mother's family had made etiquette a part of their lives, even branching into schools for young men and women. As it was, it was expected that Hermione would be taught those same mannerisms and use them regularly.
Hermione sat down, close to the bed, still keeping a fair distance from her parents, not comfortable with Bellatrix just yet, to sit closer. Hermione automatically mirrored her mother's posture, knowing how she was almost a complete carbon copy. She smiled, not exactly warmly, but more so than in the past. Hermione had decided to try and get past her nerves and lead with an open mind. Bellatrix was not going anywhere, if anything, she would be moving into the home soon, even closer to her. She would have to learn to get… along. Even the thought seemed ludicrous to her, but there were no choices.
Azkaban was no longer safe and after getting to know her father and finding out that not all was black and white for her family, she couldn't send them back. She had begun to care for Rodolphus, maybe she could feel something for Bellatrix, at the very least, coexist within the same home. After all, she had seen some progress with Bellatrix over the months. Pansy and Susan have kept her up to date. She was starting to regain her sanity, showing remorse, and right now, she was trying.
"How… uh… how is the wedding preparations going?" Bellatrix asked carefully, her eyes catching her daughter's.
Hermione flushed, thinking about the wedding, realisation hitting her that she was not dreading the day as much as she had in the beginning. She may not be as ecstatic as she had been to be marrying Ron, but she had begun to feel a fondness for her groom, so she was feeling… resolved? Content? Comfortable is the best word to describe the current state of her new wedding. Hermione was logical enough to realise there was no way out of the situation. In the beginning, she was not opposed to rejecting the bond and allowing herself to perish, but deep down, she knew it would be selfish of her. To all of her loved ones and especially to Ron. Acceptance of the inevitable was really her only option.
"Preparations are going according to plan. Andromeda and Narcissa are in full swing," Hermione said, a fond smile gracing her lips as she thought of her two aunts. While not unknown to her before the discovery, the bond between her and her maternal family had begun to tighten. Andromeda, naturally, was more warm and motherly, but Narcissa was sometimes spotted giving Hermione looks of what Hermione could only describe as pride. Not at all what she had been accustomed to previously.
Bellatrix smiled at the mention of her sisters, "Ah, yes. My sisters… they…" she stopped to take a shaking breath, "They do love a great wedding. I'm sure it will be lovely."
Hermione merely nodded in agreement, "I'm sure, but honestly, it's not really my style. Draco keeps reminding me, it's a big deal. Harry too, it's the wedding of the wizarding world year. The whole country will be watching and reading about our union and I'm ready to throw them both under the knight bus." Rodolphus chuckled at his daughter's words. He had gotten to know her tastes in the last few months, she was really just a simple, classic witch.
Bellatrix smiled, her eyes went a bit out of focus as she began to speak again, "I remember my own wedding. Cissy and I went to Andy's home once a week, even though she had been blasted off the tree by then. But the two of them made such a spectacle. Andy was sure that father could find a Phoenix to fly from the altar and through the crowd, singing a song of joy."
Bellatrix let out a low laugh that startled Hermione. It was not the laugh that used to haunt her dreams, this was not a cackle of the crazed witch that sliced open her arm, but the warm and almost melodic laugh of a new woman. It seemed to almost have a soothing sound to the ear.
"My sisters were the perfect pureblood daughters, but they were sometimes a bit evil. Andy suggested the Phoenix because she knew Rabastan was deathly afraid of birds. She knew she wouldn't be able to come to the wedding, but she said the thought of Rabby screaming like a two-year-old, that would be worth the wrath of our Aunt."
Hermione stared at her parents for a moment before she began to chuckle. She had remembered seeing a photograph of her uncle in the drawing room. Rabastan was the complete opposite of her father. The image of the man cowering in fear over a brightly coloured Phoenix flying overhead was too much to process.
Her laughter was contagious, for only a moment passed before Rodolphus began to laugh, followed by Bellatrix. The three continued to laugh when Pansy entered the room. A look of surprise on her face, she checked Bellatrix's chart and began a short diagnostic exam. Once she finished, a medi-Witch entered with Bella's potions and Hermione got up to leave with Pansy, giving her parents a moment of privacy while the witch worked.
Bellatrix watched her daughter walk out the door.
"That was a good start," Rodolphus said, giving his wife's hand a reassuring squeeze. The medi-witch worked quickly, noticing she was alone. Rodolphus would have laughed if he didn't feel ashamed at the amount of fear his wife and he still commanded. When he was around his family or his daughter's friends, he was able to forget that fear, though the remorse was always there, especially when he looked at his daughter, he enjoyed the fact that none of her friends and family was afraid of him.
"Roddy," Bellatrix said with a small sigh, the medi-witch finished giving Bellatrix her potions and was walking swiftly for the door. "Roddy, how am I to do this?"
"Do what Love," Rodolphus asked, he knew what she was talking about, but he had no answers for her.
"Lyra," Bellatrix said, "How am I to make up for… what has happened?"
"I don't think you can Bella," Rodolphus started, Bellatrix's face sank, but he continued on, "Hermione does not want to relive the past any more than you do Love. I don't think it will happen anytime soon, but I think our daughter is forgiving. Give her time Bella."
Bellatrix turned towards the blank wall, where the image of the little girl on the blanket returned.
"I just... " Bellatrix said, sadness clouding her voice, "I've lost so much, the last twenty years. All because of our fathers and your brother. Even more to madness. We lost our daughter and I don't know I can get her back. Not now, not after-"
"Bella," Rodolphus began, but she stopped him.
"I wanted to kill her Rodolphus," Bellatrix said, tears clouding her eyes, she began to shake her head in pain, eyes shut tight as the tears began to fall, "I… I… I could have killed her. And I wouldn't have been bothered. She's my daughter, and she would have died if it wasn't for that damned elf. I- I- I- I was so angry she escaped. What kind of mother is that… How - Rod-!"
Rodolphus pulled his wife up and hugged her tightly, "Shhh Bellatrix!" He whispered angrily, "You stop that! You need to stop thinking of that day, of the days of the past. We are not living in the past, you will never survive if you don't learn to let go!" He pulled back from her to look into the grey eyes that he loved, "I have regrets myself-"
"You didn't carve up our daughter!" Bellatrix hissed angrily. Rodolphus shook his wife hard. His own face mirroring hers.
"I may not, but that does not mean I don't have regrets! I have moments where I recall vividly, torture of muggles and murder. My soul is just as stained as yours, do not think that you are more guilty than I. Hermione's scars are no worse than those of the countless others that fell from our wands and I do not see you repentant about those. I have seen the damage we have done to our daughter, to her friends. While Hermione's are important, especially to you, they do not outweigh those of anyone else's."
"Do you wish to add to my burden My Love," Bellatrix said with sarcasm laced through, "As if I was unaware that these corridors are filled with those who we have inflicted pain too? Did you think that I have not seen outside that door? That I had not remembered the Longbottom boy? That his parents are in the same ward as I?! I have seen Madam Longbottom as she has entered the ward to see her son and daughter-in-law! Remembered how I teased the boy, as he stood behind our daughter, hell-bent on avenging his parents! I have begun to remember the screams of his moth-"
"Shut up Bellatrix!" Rodolphus roared, the pain filling his body, as he remembered the night, "Just stop! Stop torturing yourself, stop torturing me! I know what we did! I know that we deserve to rot! I remember too," gripping the edge of the chair, Rodolphus slammed it against the wall.
His blue eyes growing dark in his anger, "I remember the night! The night of our family's destruction and you have no bloody idea how much I wish I could have changed it! How I wish, I could have just killed bloody Crouch and my idiot brother instead of trying to reduce the damage those two did. How I regret that night more than I do this stupid mark on our arms!"
Rodolphus looked at his wife, rage still flowing through his veins, resembling the mad man he had been, "I remember the screams, I remember the pain, the blood! I remember it all!" He let out a breath, tears welling in his eyes as he watched his daughter run into the room, wand raised, the fight finally leaving his tense body, "I remember the pain we inflicted and we deserve to die for the pain we've caused. In another life, we should have."
He turned back to his wife, her own face filled with pain, "We should have died for all we have done, I would not have been surprised if we were sentenced to it in the beginning. But we weren't. We have been given a second chance Bella, stop reliving your mistakes or you will miss the future you were gifted."
Hermione had run into the room, followed closely by Pansy. Wand raised high, as she took in the scene of chaos in front of her. Rodolphus, standing next to a broken chair, her mother, a few feet away, her dark hair sparkling with uncontrollable magic, and tears, tears in both her parents' eyes. The pain was palpable in the air.
Pansy, sensing the emotional turmoil, moved towards Bellatrix and began her diagnostic spells, while Hermione fixed the chair and motioned for Rodolphus to sit in it. Unsure on how to comfort the man, as this was the first true fit of rage she had seen him in, she felt compelled to give him some sort of embrace, so she took his hand and held tightly as they watched Pansy work.
Waiting another moment while Pansy waved her wand and procured a flask of blue liquid and offered it to Bellatrix. Hermione marvelled at how calm her friend was in assessing her patient. She watched as Bellatrix's features loosened and relaxed as the potion took effect, and as Pansy helped her back into bed.
"Pans," Hermione said softly, walking away from her father and toward the bed next to her friend, "Pansy is she…"
"She's fine," Pansy said softly, "She wasn't given quite enough calming drought. She is getting better, she normally doesn't need much, but she must have been feeling overwhelmed and the normal amount was just not enough."
"She isn't going to need to be drugged up when she comes home will she?" Hermione asked, not at all liking the idea of a practically comatose witch in her care.
Pansy shook her head, "No, Bellatrix is working on her emotions right now is all. She has twenty years of madness and heartache to work through, sometimes it gets to be too much. Especially," Pansy looked at her friend.
Hermione moves closer, sitting on the bed next to her mother and took her hand. Looking up at Pansy, she waited for her friend to continue.
"Especially when it comes to you," Pansy said slowly, "I can't divulge everything, obviously. But there is a lot of emotions when it comes to you," Hermione began to frown and Pansy went on quickly, "Nothing horrible Hermione, but it's only natural that there are heightened emotions where you're concerned. She is getting better, but she just had a session with her mind healers before you came. It must have been a hard one."
Hermione nodded in understanding, feeling a slight squeeze, she looked over at the calmed witch. Hermione felt herself give the witch a small smile. After running in and hearing bits of the conversation, she was almost hopeful that Bellatrix could be making a breakthrough. Life was not black and white, not the way she believed as a child. There were always grey areas to life. Her family was not all black, as her maternal name suggests, maybe her family was more shades of grey.