AN: Frankly, I have no good excuses for how abso-fucking-lutely late this is other than

1. Scholar of the First Sin. I've started getting into it.

2. Bayonetta, as well.

3. Terrabyte hard drive installation means I needed to reaquire a LOT of shit, so I've been focusing on that. Those mods for Skyrim won't download themselves.

4. And I've been lacking muse for writing in the depths. I find that they just suck to write in. So have a somewhat subpar, rather late chapter. Sorry for lack of quality, as well as tardiness. I have some ideas to implement very soon, but I have to slog through this, first.

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14

MERELY DELAYABLE!

FWOOM!

A wave of flame exploded from Thomas and Laurentius, and washed over them, and Rhea, harmlessly. Thank the gods, Thomas thought to himself. He couldn't bear the thought of her being hurt on his account. That being said, their flames did, in fact, look stronger, which was indicitave of success. "Right then," Thomas said. "We're short on time, so we need to push on. Oscar and Solaire are smart, and damn near unstoppable as a team. They'll catch up to us when we ring the bell. Especially at the swamp when they... Fuck..." Thomas shook his head. "I forgot to tell them to get the rusted iron ring." Thomas managed a hollow laugh. "All right, then. How about we quickly loot the place, and then pay a visit to old Kirk. You guys know Kirk, right?" Thomas was answered with silence, which he took as a yes.

"Thou..." Rhea was the first to speak, but her voice was quiet, and had a slight quaver to it. "I... I only knoweth of one by the name of Kirk."

"A right bastard, he is, if he be who I think he is," Laurentius agreed.

"You're correct," Thomas said. "I speak of the one, the only, Knight of Thorns. He's actually not that bad."

"I would hope not," a fourth voice commented, his voice deep, and smooth as spider silk. "I'd hate to be as bad as my reputation makes me out to be."

Thomas turned slowly, and saw him. A man. Not a phantom. Wearing dark, spiked armor, with a spiked shield on his back, and twin spiked swords in his hands. Kirk had come. "Well," Thomas muttered. "That's convenient."

"Yes, I imagine it is," the Knight of Thorns responded simply, before sheathing his blades. "You don't have much time. The Darkmoon rises behind you, seeking to eclipse you in his gaze."

"Okay, who all knows about what happened?!" Thomas then demanded, a little miffed that the entire world seemed to know that Gwyndolin essentially declared war on him.

"Only those who need to, Thomas, I assure-"

"And how the fuck do you know my name?"

The former Darkwraith merely smiled, and reached into his pocket. "There are many things you know that which you should not, prophet." He pulled out a spider shield, the ring of the evil eye, as well as the heavy crossbow and some bolts. "And yet, there are some things you must not know until the appointed time. Some secrets shall remain such a little longer."

"The appointed time, eh?" Thomas took on a wry smile. "Time is a convoluted ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff. So why not dispense with the secrets now?"

"Quelaag's orders," Kirk responded simply. "Also, I saved you some trouble, I believe. I was here getting humanity, and I thought, what would make our local prophet happier, than to have some of these?" Kirk then dipped his hand in his pocket again, and started filling the inside of the shield with green rocks.

Thomas' eyes widened. "Green titanite shards. How the fuck did you know we could use green titanite shards?"

Kirk tapped the side of his head, giving Thomas a sly look. "Spoilers."

"Your name is Kirk, Knight of Thorns. Not River Song, Wife of the Doctor. Enough with the riddles."

Laurentius' palm exploded into fire. "Are you going to answer the Prophet's questions?" Rhea, likewise, had her battlestaff in hand. When Kirk shook his head, Laurentius looked at him like he was mad. "Then why have you come, Darkwraith?"

"I am a Darkwraith no longer," Kirk said. "In fact, I have spent a year already fighting against them."

Thomas blinked. "Okay, I insist on this secret. You are fighting the Darkwraiths now? I thought you invaded people to steal their humanity for the Fair Lady."

"You thought correctly," Kirk said, smiling as he did. "Before I continue, I'd like your friends to put their toys down. I'd like them to know we're all allies here."

Thomas looked at Laurentius and Rhea. "Do... You mind?" Laurentius' fire dimmed slightly, but was still at the ready, and while Rhea had lowered her staff, her grip upon it remained tight. "I suppose that's a "we kind of do, but you're the boss," answer."

"It's all right," Kirk said. "I have a bit of a nasty reputation. But now that I think of it, we don't have time to play the Backstory game. Let's just hold that I have absolutely no reason to betray you, Thomas, and that your friends are my friends, by proxy. Feel free to take the loot. I did get it for you, after all." With that, Kirk left, walking down the narrow hallway. "Quelaag insisted that I hold on killing the dragon. Something about preventing summons or invasions, I'm not sure which."

"About Quelaag... She's not going to try to kill me, is she?"

"No. She knows you come, and is prepared to welcome you."

"Because that's not odd at all," Thomas muttered. He now had no idea what was going on, or what was coming next. And if Thomas was being honest with himself, he liked that. The idea got his blood pumping. To not know what was coming. To face the unexpected. It excited him. She knows I'm has to count for something. What currency, though? Thomas' thoughts were interrupted when they came to a fog wall. But... "Did we already pass the Channeler?"

"Yes," Kirk said smoothly. "I killed him a while back, never fear. Rhea shall be safe from the machinations of the paledrake as long as I... Well, I can't say draw breath, now can I?" Kirk chuckled, leading them to the gaping dragon bosswall. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Thomas said. "I'mma solo it. It's just one dragon, after all."

Rhea and Laurentius blinked at him, while Kirk laughed. "Truly you are he!" Kirk declared. "Quelaag told me I would know. And now I do. Enjoy."

Thomas smirked. "Just a little speedbump. Feel free to watch from above."

At this point, a description of the fight with the boss would be in order, but Thomas had a solid strategy that bore no real difficulty. In fact, for weight purposes, Thomas even put the Balder shield away, knowing mobility would serve him better than defense, and so had only his pyromancy flame, his claymore, and his catalyst equipped. He took off his hat, and tossed it to Laurentius. "Hold onto that for me, will you?" he asked simply, before removing his gloves for further weight loss, and entered the boss arena. Bait the charge, smack the ass. Rinse and repeat, Thomas thought, strategy firm in mind. It wouldn't win him any speedruns, but Lords knew he gave no fucks about that.

He heard steps behind him as he walked forward a short distance, and the trio moved up to watch Thomas fight the dragon from the balcony. He put his catalyst to his blade, readying magic weapon as he did. He witnessed a small head, and was tempted to make a comment, but knew the true size of the beast, and so refrained. As the dragon arose, Thomas watched with a mixture of curiousity and boredom. On the one hand, he was curious as to how greed could create such a mutation of the dragon's body that a stomach could become a mouth. On the other hand, it was likely that the dragon had swallowed the key to Blighttown a while back, and so he had to kill it. Knighthood's highest calling, Thomas thought, and quickly struck his catalyst against the flat of the blade. The weapon blazed blue, and Thomas readied his sword, taking the time to "Well, What Is It?" the dragon as it arose, finally lifting it's head and revealing it's underbelly. There was one factor Thomas wasn't accounting for; the smell.

"Yeugh," Thomas retched. "You smell like a whale ate a bunch of cabbage, and then died in your mouth. A year ago. Awful." Thomas did a hand wave motion with his sword hand, taking care not to cut himself with the blade, when he noticed the weapon was no longer buffed. "The fuck? Was this some kind of quick magic weapon buff or something?" Thomas would have to look at this later. The last time he looked at his menus in a bossfight, he ended up dead facing Vordt in Dark Souls 3. "You know, the real fight here was keeping Solaire from dying recklessly whenever I decided to try summoning him here. You're cake. Not even cake. You're a peanut." The dragon roared, and slammed it's head down at Thomas. Thomas backed up real quick, and while the shockwave was pretty good, Thomas wasn't caught under the dragon. In fact it was more in front of it. He applied what he was calling Quick Magic Weapon onto his sword, and jabbed the dragon in it's dinky little head, before moving to the side as it unstuck it's "mouth," and began charging forward. Thomas stood to the side, and applied regular Magic Weapon as the beast charged, before making for it's tail. "Easiest dragon weapon ever, because I can't count the drake this time," Thomas said, rushing forward, and began hacking away with both hands. When the dragon raised it's head, he backpedaled, grabbing the warrior set as he did, and made sure to keep an eye on the dragon.

Soon enough, it slammed it's head down again, and Thomas moved to the side, firing a couple soul arrows. Because why not? When it charged, Thomas jogged to the side, and then to the tail, and began hacking again, giving a cry of success when the tail was finally severed. "One Dragon King Greataxe for the win!" Thomas shouted, giving an extra stab for good measure as the dragon lashed out towards him, almost getting him. Thomas jogged off, and rinsed and repeated until the Gaping Va... Dragon was dead. Come on, Thomas. You're an adult. Allegedly. Thomas picked up the key, and shook the bile off of it slightly, before taking a moment to equip the armor he picked up. Still shit tier, but beats these robes, I'm sure, Thomas thought to himself, equipping the hard leather boots, gauntlets, and armor, but leaving the helm off. His hair never agreed with helmets, and the poise granted by the helm was worthless on it's own, so there wasn't any point to it, in his eyes.

The three of them were coming into the boss room, with varied reactions. Laurentius was awed that Thomas had taken down a dragon. Rhea seemed ecstatic. Meanwhile Kirk seemed... Unsurprised. He was clapping with a minor degree of slowness to indicate both respect for the feat, and the lack of shock at it. "Such a thing is quite within your abilities, of course. You've proven yourself," Kirk said. "Now, we must get to Quelaag. Time is short."

"You mentioned that," Thomas responded sardonically. "I take it we go to Blighttown now?"

"Correct," Kirk responded simply.

Laurentius clapped Thomas on the back. "A real dragon, in the flesh, and you took it down! By the gods, you're unstoppable!"

"Not quite," Thomas said. "Merely... delayable. Hey, that makes for a good battlecry. Merely delayable. I think I'll go with that."

(Repeated apologies for the delays. Three whole fucking months! Too damn long! Anyways, rate and review. Maybe recommend, if you feel like it. Anyways, I feel like if I expect to keep my audience, I should probably reveal a very minor thing. But I'll let you guys decide that. If a majority say "Gives us hints!" or something similar, I'll give a very minor hint at WTF is going on. If you'd prefer I keep my cards to my chest, as it were, feel free to say so. Next up, Blighttown, and the return of the Super Astora Brothers as well! Fair warning, Blighttown isn't going to look like it did in the game. Apart from that, no hints for now. Peace!)