16
Wait, you met WHO!?

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AN
Cipher, Time Reflects: Yes. Mistakes have been made.
Freezee: Blighttown has pest control, no worries.
Balloonicorn: Yeah he has a specific role to be revealed soon
Guest: "This just got more retarded" Well if you were to provide an actually helpful critique maybe I could make it "less retarded." Is all I'm saying

"I suppose you think that was terribly funny," Thomas said, wincing as he was still extricating splinters from his palms. This comment was made in light of Rhea's lighthearted giggling at his expense.

"Forgivest me, Thomas," Rhea replied, still smiling. "It just... heartens me to see you such, in a way. It reminds me thou art, for all thine knowledge, and skill, human."

Laurentius chuckled openly as well. "It helped knock you down a peg. You acted as though slaying that dragon earlier was the simplest thing in the world."

"It IS the easiest dragon fight in the history of ever," Thomas grumbled. "Even Skyrim's dragons at least were able to do damage."

"What was that?" Rhea asked. "Where is Skyrim?"

"Another land entirely, far from here," Thomas responded. "The place is absolutely filled with dragons that are NOT inherently weak to lightning, and one of them happens to be the god of destruction, sent to eradicate the world so that it may be reborn."

"I... what? And the gods did not take care of this because..." Laurentius asked, crestfallen that such a beast was wandering around.

"Because I happened to be passing through the area and jolly well told him what for," Thomas said simply. "Then I followed him into the afterlife and kicked his ass there. And THEN I followed him to his house, kicked his ass a third time, and took a shit in his sink."

Kirk, meanwhile, had been quietly chuckling as he lead the way. So far none of the denizens of Blighttown had been attacking them. In fact, they seemed to show recognition to the party. Probably just Kirk, Thomas reasoned to himself. I forget he's basically Second Prince of Izalith, second only to Ceaseless Discharge. Out loud, Thomas addressed the Knight of Thorns. "How is the Fair Lady, anyways?" It was clear things were going off-script at this point, and he wanted to make casual conversation.

"We recently have had a hefty donation of Humanities, thus her pain is relatively eased," Kirk said, to the relief, if not the curiousity, of the Prophet of Earthrealm. "Mother thinks that soon, Aunt Queelan should be able to start walking. All we really need is Rhea, at this point." At this, Rhea jumped slightly, and Thomas moved protectively in front of her, and Kirk chuckled some more. "Nothing like that, I assure you. She bears the Great Heal miracle, which mother assures me that, along with Sealer Yulva's Remedial Sorcery, that you," here Kirk pointed at Thomas. "Are able to use your little habit of creating spells to purge the remainder of the Blight Pus from her body. Use that little heretical skill of yours for good."

"Not that I'm opposed to the plan," Thomas said, holding his hands up, while filing away the information that Yulva was possibly alive, "but do I get no say in this? I mean, hitherto you and your mother are running on assumptions, that I'm a nice enough guy to want to help. For all you know, I could be in it only for myself."

Kirk gave a chuckle from underneath his spiked helm. "We've actually been watching you for some time. Shortly since you arrived, in fact, we've been keeping tabs on Undead who leave the Asylum. We had to make sure that it was truly an Undead who was willing to help, and not a False Prophet sent by Gwyndolin. He has long held Izalith in contempt for losing control of the Chaos Flame, as though Gwyn, blindly throwing himself onto the First Flame, was truly a better solution."

"I'd argue both plans rather backfired, honestly," Thomas said carefully. "The Chaos Flame engulfed Izalith, Gwyn's a glorified matchstick, and it's preserved nothing. Saved nothing. Also... You guys have been watching me?"

"You are correct, on both counts," Kirk responded. "Hubris was the end of both grandmother and Gwyn. Additionally, you make me repeat myself. We had to be assured you were the one."

"Great," Thomas muttered. "I actively go to avoid being the chosen one, and I end up getting it anyways. And I didn't even have to ring both of the fucking bells."

"Peace," Kirk responded. Some things will be made clear in-"

"Wait," Thomas interrupted, holding his arm out horizontally, with his forearm straight up in a ninety degree angle, his hand making a fist. There was a feeling...

Laurentius spoke up. "Ow. My head hurts."

They had arrived at the base of Blighttown, where Thomas noticed that some people were shooting down mosquitos with bows and arrows, when there was a sense of growing pressure in Thomas' brain. A familiar sense of pressure...

"Invaded by Maneater Mildred"

"Oh, it's just Mildred," Thomas said, feeling relieved it wasn't GiantDad again, or a Darkmoon Blade, watching as a woman clad in little at all, wielding a massive cleaver, arose from the earth. "Hey, guys, let's just back up a bit." With that, the party followed Thomas, as he rushed back to a tunnel in the wall, where a bonfire, lit as well, sat casually. "Further back," Thomas said, showing them to a wide open area, where a chest in the back of the room sat, holding a dragon scale. "You know, I always thought this place looked like an arena," Thomas said. "You want me to fight her, or-"

"I'll handle her," Kirk said. "You merely stay back, and conserve your strength. I would prefer we see mother as soon as possible. Our time is short."

"Can you parry with that shield?" Thomas asked.

"No, but it's not necessary."

"Do we have the great-club?"

"Yes."

"Then," Thomas asked, holding out a hand, "May I make use of it?"

Kirk scowled, and then handed Thomas the club, a massive piece of wood the size of a tree, and the prophet lightly swayed under it's weight. "Holy hell! I forget how heavy it is." He anchored the weapon into the ground, Dark Souls 3 Perserverence style, and waited for Mildred to come, and to jump into the hole, at which point she charged him, cleaver raised high in the sky. Time for combos, Thomas thought to himself, as he shouted. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!?" He pushed the handle forward in a timely manner, so that Maneater Mildred would accidentally gutpunch herself with the large weapon's handle, doubling her over it. Taking the weapon in two hands, Thomas swiftly raised the handle up, clipping her in the chin and knocking her backward as Thomas moved forward, bringing the weapon around and crashing it down upon her, crushing her under it's massive weight.

Panting, Thomas released the great club as Mildred dissolved underneath the heavy log. "You know, I could have took a bit more time, beat her with parries and the claymore," he said, doubled over from the effort as he attempted to catch his breath. "But I really wanted to use that warcry."

"We noticed," Laurentius deadpanned, while Kirk hefted the weapon, and retrieved Mildred's humanity for himself. Or rather, more appropriately, for the Fair Lady, his Aunt Queelan.

"All right," Rhea asked. "Art we prepared to move on, or-"

"Thomas!" Solaire called, jogging over to him with Pharis, Oscar, Griggs, and the Crestfallen Warrior in tow. "This man's name is Charles, by the way," Solaire said, introducing Cresty W. "And you're already familiar with Pharis."

At this, Thomas' eyes lit up. "Hey guys! Perfect timing! We were just about to move on through this swamp to go meet a Chaos Witch." Thomas then blinked. "You did remember to get the Rusted Iron Ring, right?"

"The what?" Solaire looked at him confusedly. "We've got the small doll, the Titanite slab, a nifty shield from one of the Black Knights, and a couple chunks of titanite, we remembered to buy some moss, but no rings."

Thomas sighed. "Ah well. Can't have everything, I suppose." He passed out some purple moss to everyone, instructing them to hold off on eatin it till they passed the swamp. "Well, tell me what you guys have been up to. It'll make for some fine filler conversation while we cross this muck. How's Anastacia?"

Oscar winced, and Pharis shook her head. "Little prophet... Lautrec managed to get to her."

Thomas' face fell, then hardened into a line of determination. "Then we get her soul back." He held out his hand. "Her body had a black eye orb on it. If you could pass it over, I'd appreciate it."

Oscar did so, and then spoke up. "And after Lautrec left us..."

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Earlier, Back at Firelink Shrine

The group quickly rushed up the stairs, after the source of the scream, bumping into Griggs who was running down them. "A monster!" Griggs called. "There's some sort of... creature in the shrine!" At this, multiple weapons were drawn, and they moved to the top level, examining every corner. Giving Astoran military signals, Oscar directed the team to split. Oscar and Pharis would be a team, with Solaire, Charles, and Griggs taking another. Together, and yet seperately, they scoured the shrine, but altogether came up with nothing. Upon regrouping, multiple questions were leveled to Griggs, asking for descriptions of the creature.

"It... It was tall, wrapped in many clothes. A hood obscured it's face, but the eyes... The horrible eyes... No person has that many eyes, glowing red with such malice! The moment I shouted, it scurried away like a most terrible insect... I cannot stay here. We are watched. Where can we go?"

"I know a place," Pharis said. "Below the base of Blighttown lies the domain of the Chaos Witches. They can provide a measure of safeguard against the Dark Sun. Gwyndolin's sight comes from the Darkmoon, and the vision fades the deeper underground we go."

"Didn't you say one of the bells were down there?" Oscar asked Charles, who nodded.

"I did, and while I once said I'd rather die again before setting foor there again... I find myself having a change of heart. I'd like to come with you, if I may."

"Welcome," Solaire said. "What is your name?"

"Charles."

"Can we walk and introduce ourselves at the same time?" Griggs asked, looking around nervously. "That thing is still out there."

"Follow me," Pharis said, taking the lead. "We'll need to take the elevator to New Londo, and then another to the Valley of Drakes. From there..."

"Invaded by Spirit of Vengeance OroboroTheNinja"

"Ugh," Pharis said as a warrior with a falchion in elite astoran knight armor arose, and buffed his weapon with Darkmoon Blade. Pharis and Oscar knocked an arrow each, while Griggs prepared a spell, with Solaire and Charles drew their blades.

The Darkmoon Blade backstepped, as though unsure how to proceed, and then dropped a small carving. "I'm sorry." The Darkmoon Blade knelt, and Black Crystaled out.

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In another time, in another place, a man leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. "I don't know what the fuck I just came in on but I'm not sure I want a part of it, because holy shit... I need to get Peeves for this fucking shit."

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"So," Thomas said, popping his purple moss. They had made it across the bog, and somehow managed to avoid the ogres' attention, and were now in the tunnel, on their way to Queelag. "You're telling me you had an encounter with a prolific youtuber, and you managed to intimidate him?"

"I'll only pretend to understand part of that," Solaire said, shrugging, "but... yes."

Thomas whistled appreciatively. "Remind me not to piss off any more sizeable forces than I already have." And with that, he stepped through the fog wall.