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AN: I failed to post this chapter on Saturday. In my defense I'll say it was very hard to write and I needed the whole week to get it done. I'll try for this Weekend, though next chapter will be equally hard to get done. I don't know. At some point I'll post twice of week.

As always thanks for the favorites, follows and reviews. You guys are awesome!

Chapter 18: End of Christmas

I shouldn't have gotten angry so fast, but in my defense I thought Peter did know I was the girl walking with the pack and was therefore keeping the truth from me for some strange, obscure reason.

That wasn't the case, and I felt bad for it.

The shock of the moment of truth changed Peter plans of going into the Shrieking Shack. I did not mind whatsoever when he stood there in the snow, confused and appearing to be perturbed. Though I myself felt in a way the same, I moved. I grabbed his arm, like he had done so previously, and pulled him back to the castle. He didn't pull away. He let me guide him into the protection of the school's arches, and in an empty hallway we sat down against a wall. It was dark, almost completely silent if it weren't for the howls of the wind. Sitting practically in the open, we were obviously not hiding so if Filch or a teacher passed by we would be in loads of trouble. But that didn't faze us, or at least that didn't faze me.

This was something I hadn't thought of; to be in that situation. Sure, at one point I was curious about the identities of the animagus that took me in as one of their own during the monthly run; however that had changed when I landed in St. Mungo's. My stay in the hospital had made me realize one thing, and it was that I didn't really need to know who the animagi were, not when it came with such consequence to me. Yes, it wasn't the pack's fault that I had suffered such a violent and traumatic experience while researching, but it was enough for me to keep doing what I did best: stay where I was and ignore the shit about everything. It worked so far, to be ignorant to things that would probably end up affecting me.

But I couldn't be ignorant now.

I wanted Peter to begin talking, but if I waited for him then I would be waiting for hours. I had no intention to reveal my secrets to him. Though I guess I trusted Peter in a sense, I didn't want to tell him the reason why I stepped out with the pack in the full moon, nor of whom I was descendant of. To my luck, Peter wasn't as curious as I would imagine a person would be with the oddity we had lived up until that moment. Therefore, I got away with keeping the truth. I told him it was because of my blood and that I had no control over it. He seemed to accept that.

When it was time for him to start on his side of the story, he spoke little, and I imagine it was because he was still shocked. He claimed that it was something he wasn't allowed to speak of; a secret weaved into the very core of his friendship with the other Marauders. Honestly, I didn't care why or how they were animagi. That wasn't what interested me. I wanted to know why Peter didn't know I was the girl he ran with.

First, he said it was because of how I looked, but when I asked him to elaborate, he said that I just looked different. When I demanded an explanation he claimed he couldn't see me right. Needless to say I was both confused and exasperated with him. He went on and on about rat perception and the fact that I looked more womanly during the full moon. His answer did not please me, and when I couldn't get more out of him, I just told him to forget it. He noticed my anger again, and appeased me by saying that he would feel better if his friends were there with him. If it was for better explanatory skills or strength I didn't know. So I merely announced I was too tired to continue on, and we parted to our respective houses.

The next day passed with no real meaningful occurrence.

I had the idea to test my young friendship with Peter. I decided to ignore what happened the previous night, and act like nothing happened. Really I don't know what I was expecting, if I was waiting for something.

I met up with Peter like I had done since the day after Christmas. There was something obviously worrying him, and I knew it was the matter we didn't discuss, but he didn't say anything. So I didn't either. We went about our day, ate our meals in the Great Hall with the rest of the school, and did our own thing until the moon began to rise in the sky.

When it was time to lose control because of the full moon, I did like always. I got up from my bed and left my House. There was a heavy snow fall, and in my delirium I made the right choice of staying in the school. Not that I felt the cold, but I didn't think I could tread the grounds and then the forest with the nightgown. Gliding around the school, I eventually crossed paths with the rat, which joined me for the rest of the night.

"Peter, I have a question." We were sitting in an empty classroom. Our day had started late, because Peter slept in. I got two or three hours of sleep, but still I managed to take some Defense notes and be early for breakfast. I was just that kind of crazy. Anyway, we met up eventually, and we settled in the classroom eating some cauldron cakes Peter brought. "Are we still going to be friends even when your mates get here?"

"Of course we will!" He fought with the cake he had stuffed into his mouth before I asked. "And the guys will want to meet you once I tell them. They've been dying to meet you!"

The thought of the other Marauders and the memories I had of them didn't excite me. I was curious about them, but I guess I just wasn't prepared. "Alright, but could you not tell them about me straight away?"

Peter cocked his head. "James and Sirius will kill me if I don't."

That affirmation didn't make me feel better. Actually, I wasn't too sure of exactly what it made me feel. I tried not to show the truth that if I could get away with not having to meet them, I would go for it. "I'm looking forward to meeting them, and Lupin."

We agreed it was time for lunch. Even when neither of us was hungry, we had to show face in the Great Hall, less the staff -and by staff I mean McGonagall- think that we are up to no good. All the way there, Peter was different. His smile of the morning had died after we finished talking, and as we walked he seemed to be deep in thought.

Just as we neared the double doors of the Great Hall, Peter spoke up, making me notice that he had stopped walking a few steps back.

"Faraday. Can I tell you something?" His shoulders were bent, and I couldn't see into his eyes. His head was cast down to his shoes. For a moment I thought I saw him shaking in the spot. I nodded, not that he could see it, backtracking to be in front of him. Peter was the same height as me, but when he arched his shoulders so negatively, he looked a head shorter.

Before I could even react, it happened so fast I don't even know if I could prevent it, Peter landed a soft kiss on my lips. One moment his face was down, and the other it was to level with mine, no space between them.

"I like you."

Oh grandpa Merlin's beard.

The image of hair as gold as sunlight and pure green eyes flashed behind my eyes, and if it wasn't the middle of winter I would have started sweating.

'I find myself liking you more and more with each passing hour.'

I didn't know what to do with myself as my memory recited those words over and over again. Taking a step back, I forced a deep breath into my insides. The image, with its accompanying words, continued to flash in my head and I tried very hard to will it away. This was an entirely different situation, and there was no need of me to be thinking of the past. A normal person would be trying to understand what the heck had just happened, but not me. No. After I tucked the image away into the darkest corner of my mind, all I wanted to do was walk away. I don't know where this came from. I had no clue as to why Peter had gotten the idea to kiss me. But my first instinct was to turn around to walk the hell away.

"Oh." I said lamely. It was the only thing I could let out of my mouth as I fought the need to bolt away from him.

At my answer his smile died, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't make me feel a bit alleviated. "Do you like me b-back?"

All I could do was stare as I tried to think of any indication I had given him without noticing about liking him. I did not fancy him. I knew that for a fact, and maybe I should have been a tad nicer when saying it, but I didn't want him to get any strange ideas. I didn't fancy him. "Eh, no. No."

"You don't?"

I shook my head.

"Y-you don't—" Peter's face had lost all color. His already squeaky voice rose ever higher. And I couldn't stop my eyes from widening when I noticed he actually was shaking. "We've been spending so much time together, I thought—"

"It's been two weeks. Just two, really."

For a moment I thought he was going to cry. I saw how his watery eyes darted from one point to the next in record speeds, as his face began to gain color. But then I remembered that was how he always looked.

"I thought we had something special."

"Our friendship is special." He didn't seem to hear that when I said it.

"I-I was going to wait for the guys to get back. They always have the best advice, but, but I knew they wouldn't let me have you. Sirius a-and James have a bet on which would find you first, and, and…" He trailed off, desperately nervous to keep talking. "I thought if I were to get you before they did—"

"Stop." I said unable to keep hearing his ramblings. I'll admit that it got me angry. All I wanted was to be done with the situation. The one thing that I thought would give me peace of mind was getting to Slytherin House. But as much as I wanted to be a coward and ignore the hell of what was happening, I couldn't get pass Peter's mentioning of his friends. "Let me see if I understand this correctly. You want me to be your girl to win that bet and impress them, not because you actually have feelings for me?"

"No! That's not what I said."

"That is what you said!"

"No, it's not."

"It is!"

"I do like you!"

That got suspended in the middle of the thick atmosphere.

I felt sorry for him. I didn't like admitting it to myself, but I found him pitiful. "I can't return your feelings, Peter. Not like that."

At one point, I believe he understood and accepted my answer as the truth. However, then he looked away from me, and his stare bounced off every wall. There was no one there. We had been walking to the Great Hall for our meal fully aware that we were late for it. As he stared everywhere, I could only look at Peter. I saw how he became empty and then tried to fill himself up again.

"Is there something wrong w-with me?" Peter's tone squeaked as he stuttered. He took a step toward me which in turn made me take another step back. There was hurt in his eyes, as he narrowed them to concentrate on me. "I can fix it. Tell me what to do."

I sighed, shaking my head. "Stop it. You shouldn't change yourself for someone else's sake."

"Maybe if I was more like James or Sirius." He had meant to say it in a whisper, but it was loud enough for me to hear him.

"Again you go off with that? You don't have to compare yourself to them." I was hard for me to keep my eyes from rolling, so I did it anyway. One thing was claiming to change for my favor; another was to compare himself to his friends. I hated that. I had yet to say anything to him, but it annoyed me to no end how he would bring himself down by putting them up on a pedestal.

Peter raised his voice, making me almost take one more step back. "But they're better than me! You wouldn't say no to James."

"You don't know that."

"They're interested in you, you know." He said it as if he was telling me a great conspiracy; one that would shook the very core of my being. Obviously it didn't. "James and Sirius. They've been looking for you."

"And why should that be a surprise to me?"

"It's not j-just curiosity." Again with the conspiracy tone, this time he didn't dare look me straight in the eye. "They're always going on and on about your knockers…"

I was taken aback, looking down at myself. There was a thought in my head that I should be furious of being objectified by teenage animals, but of course those boys liked gawking at my breast, they are spectacular. Not when I wore my school robes though, rather when I had the white nightgown. I don't know how that thing landed in my trunk when I arrived in school, but I use to get glares from my dorm mates on the first days of class. Poor boys didn't know what hit them that first night we walked into each other in the Forbidden Forest. But that didn't matter in the conversation.

"And you did not?"

He looked up at me, his eyes opened to their limit and their insides reflecting the fear he felt inside. He was easy to read, and though I didn't know much of what teenage boys were like, I did know that Peter liked to mimic his friends. By mimic his friends I mean do everything Potter and Black did. And if those two talked gross about me in close quarters, then I'm sure Peter joined them in.

That was the end of the line for me, conversation wise.

"Look, I don't care about your friends. I don't care about the topics you discuss in your little tower. And I want to make things very clear," I was fed up. All this conversation had done to me was take me up and down different emotions, and I was spent. Hell, I was starting to stop caring. "I don't have feeling for you. Not beyond friendship. It's not because you are lacking in anything, Peter. I just can't. Don't ask me to try; it's not going to happen. I'm sorry, I guess."

The lack of Lily had finally gotten to me, and with Peter out of the question, I was desperate for someone to talk to. Truly desperate. "I think I lost a friend."

Sitting in his portrait, Merlin passed a hand through his beard in the place where I would imagine his chin was. "The Gryffindor Prefect or the boy?"

"Blimey, not Lily! I rather go through social death again than lose Lily." I shuddered at the thought, bringing my knees closer to my chest. I was sitting in front of the Slytherin common room door, talking to the portrait in what I would refer to as my normal spot. Finally, it was the day before the start of the term, and all the students were going to get back from the Christmas break. In a matter of minutes, the school would begin to fill out again. "Peter is the one I lost."

"What happened?"

I told him most of what had taken place. It was hard spilling out the words that had passed between Peter and me, especially to a figure I saw as my grandfather, but I managed it. After I had talked to the Gryffindor boy, I had marched back to my house. I was thankful that there was no one around so I was able to let my face take whatever frown it wanted to show. Merlin was the only one that saw it and it was enough to make him understand that I didn't want to be disturbed. Without questioning or the password, the portrait swung opened to let me pass. For that reason, in the morning, after skipping breakfast and giving up on last minute studying, I went to talk to my ancestral grandfather. I tried to speak with all the truth possible, but of course I left out everything that had to do with animagi and my monthly nighttime strolls. Everything else wasn't too embarrassing for his parental ear.

Merlin accepted my words, and didn't demand anymore to take my side. "A love confession is not an obligation. You did right to stop leading him on."

Somehow, I did not imagine that was the answer he was going to give me. I expected a reply more dated, considering when Merlin was painted. But no, that was pretty nice to hear. It was the kind of answer I would expect from Lily and would never imagine coming out of Merlin. I guess I was wrong. I guess all the late conversations during the break paid off. "But I hurt his feelings."

"If he really is your friend, he will accept the situation. Should he do the opposite, then you are better off." He said, again surprising me by taking my side, giving his support and making me feel better. If only he did that when discussing my full moon situation.

It was a strange moment, to have a conversation like that with a figure I saw as my grandfather. However, painting, memory, ghost or whatever he was from the real person that had lived centuries ago, this was the Merlin that knew me best. He knew almost all of my secrets, and though I tended not to listen to him when he talked to me as an authority figure, I did trust him more than anyone. "Were you ever in a situation like this, Merlin?"

He nodded and at that moment his eyes seemed to be in the past. As he looked away, I saw his most regretful expression, and it unsettled me. "Very similar, only that I did not handle it as well as you. And I paid dearly for it."

Between us glided in the Bloody Baron, distracting me from the questions I was preparing for my grandfather. I hadn't notice him coming, which was surprising considering that the chains he wore were a giveaway. The gaunt and silent specter covered in silver bloodstains halted looking at the portrait. He greeted Merlin and then me with a gracious bow, his chains rattling like only ghost chains could. He announced that the carriages had begun to pull into the courtyard, and that the students had arrived. After that, Merlin opened the door as a sign of respect, and the Baron glided in.

Excusing myself to my ancestral grandfather, not being able to contain my excitement, I ran off to find Lily.

The Great Hall was overflowing with sound and laughter, as all the students of Hogwarts were settled for the Welcoming Feast.

I sat with my fellow Slytherins, secretly glad that they were there to fill the table. Only first-year Graham and his group of friends said hello to me, and when I sat with them for the feast they welcomed me with a smile. I was listening to their Christmas stories when I felt a stare on me.

I looked at the Gryffindor table on the other side of the Hall, my eyes landing on Lily like she was a magnet. Her face glowed beautifully, the time back home had done her wonders. Mary Macdonald and Dorcas Fisher were chatting away with her, but she met my eyes and she smiled at me. Hers was the stare I had felt, and of course it made me smile back at her. I met up with her just as she was getting off the horseless-carriage with her friends. We engulfed ourselves in an elated hug, and I ended up walking the Gryffindor girls to their tower because I couldn't will myself to separate myself so quickly from Lily. I only left when I remembered there was a Gryffindor boy that I was evading for the time being.

Lily winked before going back to listening intently to her friends.

I let my eyes wonder down the table, conscious of what I was doing and sure enough this time I found Peter. I wasn't sure if he would notice me. He sat with his friends, most of which had their backs toward me. When he looked my way, I gave a small wave, almost smiling. I missed Peter. We hadn't talked for barely a day, but it already felt like a lot, kind of like our two week friendship felt like years. I was alright with getting past his confession and going back to our normal gimmicks. However it all depended on him. I was planning on giving him space. If he wanted to stay stuck in his confession then I would accept that and break ties with him. If not, then I would be happy. Peter took a moment to answer me back, his eyes squinting in that way that made me question if he could see me right. A second later he waved back.

That relieved me. We would be okay, and we would continue being friends.

At that moment, having noticed what Peter had done, his friends who sat in front of him turned around. I looked away instantly the second I realized their eyes centered immediately on me.

They knew.

AN: The explanation of why the boys didn't recognize Faraday before will be in the next chapter.