Chapter 20: Passive arguing

Even though Peter hadn't listened to my words and told his friends about me before me being ready for it, things didn't turn up so bad. The first week after meeting the Marauders they ignored me. A win-win for me really considering that I fell contently into doing the same thing. But then the second week began.

I would very much like to say that I wasn't avoiding them, but I would be lying. I was avoiding them as if my life depended on it. It was okay when I was with Lily. Though he professed his love for her every day, James Potter kept his distance during most of the day; therefore no Marauders while girl-talking with Lily and her friends. When I was with Peter it was trickier. One came with the other, no matter how much Peter claimed that the guys were too busy to meet with us. No. Peter and I could be sitting around in a random empty classroom for one or two hours, and then three Marauders would find us. So, I came up with innovating ways of avoiding them. I gave excuses, I faked ailments, and claimed phony meeting, hell one time I just stood up and left without saying a word. Their presence in my life came with a complexity that I wanted to keep away at all possible cost.

They claimed a good cause. The one about keeping an eye on me and making sure I didn't reveal Lupin's and their secrets. I wasn't going to do it. I gained nothing from it, and speaking about it might render me insane to some people. Besides, I had no one to tell aside from Lily and I didn't want to burden her as I was.

As I walked back into the castle from the greenhouses smelling of compost thanks to Herbology class, Peter met me by the entrance looking sweaty and desperate. We had Double Transfiguration together, so I expected to meet him or Lily at some point. The one thing I didn't know was how he knew my schedule so damn well to be able to find me, but he always had a knack for that, no point in letting it bother me. For all I knew it might be a rat thing.

"Please, please, please Faraday can you revise my Transfiguration homework? Moony didn't have time to do it." He pleaded.

I raised my hands up, pushing pass him to get under the protection of the stone archways. Pressing my hands over my head, I pushed any wayward strand of hair down. "Okay, first; sure I'll do it. Second, it's your homework, Peter. It's your responsibility to revise it. And third, what's a moony?"

He was fumbling with his book bag, fishing in it urgently when my words made him look up. "That's Remus' nickname."

"Oh right." I had no clue that was Lupin's nickname, but I did know that the quartet of Gryffindor boys had at one point of their life given each other pet names. And though the thought of eleven year olds calling each other cute names was adorable, teenage boys seemed kind of odd.

Peter handed me a roll of parchment, and my eyes instantly squinted at the sight of it. I felt sorry for Professor McGonagall and the other teachers that would have to read that and make sense of it to accurately grade it. Hell, I felt sorry for myself from agreeing to revise it. Sitting on a nearby bench, I sat and got to work. It took me close to twenty minutes, but when I was done, I handed the roll back to Peter. He hurried to pass all my corrections.

"This is where you've run off to?" James Potter said, coming closer with his hands in his pocket. His outer robes were opened, blowing in the wind in a fashion I'm sure was intended. With his masterfully disgruntle hair getting more disgruntled; he smirked when he caught my stare. He seemed too damn pleased to have found me. That or he was waiting for me to run off. Behind him were Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. The whole gang getting together, great.

"You guys wouldn't help." Peter accused, his head down, his quill moving faster and faster.

"I'm sorry Peter, but I was really late for Ancient Runes." Lupin said. He was carrying a couple books in his hands, and he deposited them in a spot next to me in the bench.

"Faraday helped."

"Maybe you should try finishing your own work, Wormtail." Black said standing next to Potter. His eyes landed on me for a second before ignoring me completely, and thank grandfather Merlin for that. I didn't like the way he spoke to Peter, but then again he was right. Peter did have a tendency to not be able to do things on his own that I'm sure got annoying.

Lupin began sorting the content of his bag as he stood close by me, leading down to pull out a roll of parchment. With that in his hand, he pushed the books with the rest of his things in the bag. When he was done, he turned to me with a small smile. In his face I saw a close expression to the one that he had been overcome with when we had touched that night when he revealed his secret to me. I think he felt comfortable. "Are you okay with Transfiguration? I remembered that you began Hogwarts on a special admittance."

"Ah, yes. I'm doing fine, I think. Every subject is extremely complex, I'm afraid of reaching the verge of insanity every time I start revising." I felt comfortable speaking to him too. My connection to him, at least for me, was not limited anymore. Now that I could clearly see him for what he was, I could also feel his link to me. It confused me for a while, but I knew intuitively the reason as to why we were connected. It was matter as ancient as my blood knowledge; something Merlin enchanted into being carved to the very centre of what made me his descendant. And I dreaded the thought that I needed to go to Dumbledore for help. It's the last thing I wanted to do.

"A mental breakdown, you mean? Like you had in November?" His words startled me for a moment simply because I had forgotten, as I did, about my small indecent in the Library researching animagus and the hospital visit it had entailed. Lupin saw my reaction, I couldn't hide it. I think he might have thought I was embarrassed about it, because he hurried to continue speaking. "If you need any help with studying, just ask me."

"Really?" I am a sucker for studying. I should have said a flat no. "I'll take you up on that offer for the next test."

"Could you do something other than study, Moony?" Potter said after finishing up a hushed conversation he was having with Black while Peter scribbled the final sentences of his homework.

With that it wasn't long until I stood up, actually giving a true excuse for leaving them. We had Double Transfiguration to get to, and I wasn't one to arrive late. My intention was to say goodbye, running off without hesitation, but that didn't happen. Peter stood up with me, and before I knew it Lupin was at his side. I thought my worries went that far, however soon I heard what I can only describe as James Potter and Sirius Black's prancing, behind me. With every stare we got, with every turn the mixture of our Houses colours caused, time slowed down. It was the longest walk to class ever that I could remember.

Things didn't get better though. As we neared our intended classroom, and I saw the familiar faces of my fellow Slytherins, I looked into the rival group of Gryffindors. Standing out, Lily's red hair took all my attention, and for a second I waivered if I should go to her. My situation was not good at the moment. As I got near, I saw how she talked to Mary. Then the worst thing happened, she felt my stare, and turned around. Yeah, she was shocked when she saw me.

"Merlin's left sock! You're friends with Evans!" Potter cried out. I jumped at his expression, and turning back to glare at him for the rude outburst. I watched as he grabbed Black's shoulders. Bringing his friend close to him and speaking as if I didn't exist, Potter hissed at Black's ear. "She's friends with Lily!"

"We knew this already, Prongs." I heard Black said, as I prepared for what was to come.

Lily Evans was marching toward me.

"Faraday, a word in private." Her green eyes were as wide as they could get, as she visibly shook with either anger or surprise. I think it was a mixture of both, either way I did not like it one bit. She didn't wait for a reaction, a word or a nod; she just strode away in the same manner she had neared me to an empty corner not far from where we stood.

I followed her, dragging my feet for this was a conversation I was dreading. It's not that I wasn't going to tell her, it's just that I didn't expect the Marauders to be following me around. Granted they weren't following me per se, it was all a great coincidence, however Lily wouldn't see it like that. She would never see it like that. For that reason I wanted to coax her little by little my new relationship with the boys. I didn't expect them to be my friends, but I did imagine they would turn up around me more times than I could give to chance, and Lily had to be warned. Only that I didn't warn her in time and I was now suffering the consequences of that.

Eyes followed us, I could feel a couple pairs on me, but if they were from people we knew or others that expected a show, I didn't know. My friendship with Lily was treated as a peculiarity by our classmates, adding Peter and his friends to the jumble; we weren't short of a space oddity. It was common knowledge that Gryffindors and Slytherins didn't go together, and what we were doing was always subject of gossip. Actual fake rumors had yet to get to me, and considering that I didn't talk to anyone, well that wasn't a surprise. And though I'm sure Lily knew them all, she didn't acknowledge them by sharing them with me, so I was in the dark. The only one I knew of had to do with Peter, but following my nature and Lily's example, I ignored the hell out of it.

"What's this?" Her beautiful voice was laced with incredulity and her hand twitched in a way that made me think she wanted to hold on to something. Whether it was her wand or my arm I wasn't interested in knowing.

"I can explain."

Her brow rose making an expression that reminded me of McGonagall when she received student excuses. "Oh, can you?"

I couldn't lie to her, nor make up a random excuses. With Lily I had to tell the truth or nothing at all, and in this situation I would not be able to get away without saying something. I dug my own grave with keeping secrets to her, and talking to the Gryffindor boys, but damn it, this shouldn't be such a big deal to her. "No, not really."

Lily sighed putting a hand on her bag which she had hanging from her shoulder. Her face wasn't as angry as before, though really she had barely been mad. "I get Peter, I do. And I understand Remus too, he's okay. But Black and Potter? What's going on with you?"

I forced out a frustrated-like grunt as I looked at her. I wasn't frustrated at her or her demand of a truthful answer, what bothered me was having to take responsibility for my actions. Why was that even needed? What changed with giving an explanation? "It's not a crime to know them, Lily."

"It's strange though! There's something going on here. Some sort of secret. Why else would they be hanging out with a Slytherin?"

I crossed my arms. I didn't feel any sort of anger. I could never be angry at Lily, but her words did sting in a way I did not like. "What, I'm not deserving of their attention because I'm some slimy Slytherin?"

"Don't misinterpret my words. That doesn't matter to me and you know it. I'm just saying that they," She pointed in their direction not caring that they were watching us intently. Hell, the whole hallway was mildly interested in our passive aggressive argument. "Have history with your House. And not the good kind."

"I know."

And I did. It was a matter that had bothered me since I talked to them. Those boys that were so eager to find me and the animals that had accepted me as one of their pack were not what I expected. Then again, I didn't expect anything from them. I didn't want anything from them. But nothing changed with that. The animagi and the werewolf were Gryffindors, troublemaker youngsters that had a target on my House and were not afraid of the collateral damage so long as they played their pranks. It was a matter that didn't sit well with me, one that I had been ignoring for the sake of giving Peter and therefore the others, a chance.

"Then why are you walking with them?" It warmed my heart to think that Lily was just worried about me, but she was still not appeased. No, her eyes still burned in that way that only Potter got them burning.

"I was sitting with Peter, and then the rest turned up. We were heading to the same place anyway. " I watched as Lily bit her lip in concentration and held back the emotion she was feeling. The last thing I wanted was to cause her discomfort. I would very much like to tell her that I would never speak to the Gryffindor boys again, but that was impossible. I was stuck with them until they tired of me. Whatever was to happen in my life, I couldn't lose Lily. "Don't be mad Lily, I love you."

"Well, I love you too." She stated, and was then softly befuddled as to how our conversation took a sharp turn from passive animosity to endearing companionship. "But I don't like this. Let's go to class."

Obviously, I did as she said without fuss.

I stood in front of Merlin's portrait well after curfew.

I waited until the Prefects were done with their rounds, as I always did, before sneaking out my bed to stand in a cold hallway. I didn't particularly need to talk to the portrait, I had exchanged a few words with him during the day, however I figured I couldn't abandon him for too long. We had gotten into a routine during Christmas and though Merlin understood it was now impossible to keep, he still looked at me most times like he wanted to talk.

Clearly he wanted to obsess over me and my situation to see in what way he could help. And that was annoying. Annoying, for the simple reason that I was like that because I inherited that uncanny obsession to be on top of everything from him.

Regardless on the flow of conversation between us, we just were in each other's presence, even if that really made no sense considering that he was just a painting.

But we weren't alone for long. It didn't happen much, yet every once in a while, the Headmaster would join us for a nice chat.

The topics we discussed as a trio dealt mostly with me and my coping with Hogwarts. Most times Dumbledore like to go over my classes with me, once even giving me some input into what to write in an essay. Other times, like now, he would offer to find me a suitable tutor that would help me with the final plunge to the finish line that was catching up with the curriculum. I said no to him, simply because I always said no. Sure, at the beginning of my school life I could have done with tutoring, but I had opted to doing things for myself, and though I had gotten pretty close to losing my sanity, I managed.

The teachers were always willing to help, I had blood knowledge and a library at my disposal, the portrait of the greatest wizard in history, and Dumbledore himself had taught me the basics of magic. There was nothing I couldn't do. I was over-hyping it, of course.

Besides, and I told the Headmaster this, I now had Lily to help me. And even Remus had volunteered to lend me his hand out of the goodness of his heart.

"Remus is a wonderful student. I am glad that you have accepted his help." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and I got the impression that he was reading into it more than he should had. Lupin said the Headmaster was the one that gave him the opportunity to come to Hogwarts, he knew of the curse. And that made me wonder if the seasoned wizard knew all there was to know of what three students had done to help out their werewolf friend.

After a few more cordial words, Dumbledore bid us goodnight and walked off.

I followed him, there was something bugging me, and though I didn't like thinking about it, I had to get it over with. In the darkness of the empty hallway, all I could see was the white light coming out of his wand, as he held it before him. I didn't call out, though I should had, opting to just catch his long stride as best as possible. Though old, Headmaster Dumbledore was quick on his feet.

"I know what Lupin is." I felt weird saying it out loud, even as subtle as I was trying to be about it. It was a secret that didn't belong to me, and I had no right to utter it. Never the less, it affected me in a way that only a handful of people would know how. Dumbledore had stopped walking before I decided to speak up; giving me the impression that he must had known I was following. There was no way that he couldn't know, no matter how light I was on my feet normally. "I could tell."

"Do you know why you know?" Trust Dumbledore to not be surprise of the things I come up with. The light caught in his half-moon spectacles making him look less pleasant than he always did.

I nodded, dreading having to say out loud the words. "It's because of her blood."

"Correct." Dumbledore was not faced by the way I mentioned her, how my voiced dripped with both confusion and wonder. And this was because there are two Dumbledores in my opinion. I had always had the inclination toward the theory, but I hadn't thought of it well, until my last talk with him. One of the Dumbledores is the wise teacher, pleasant and caring. The other is the scholar. I knew them both well, and at that very moment, when I was choosing to actively ask him for help, he was the scholar. He always was the scholar when it had to do with Merlin and her. Or at least, that how I had noticed it. "Why didn't you say this in front of Merlin's portrait?"

I didn't want admit the reasons to him. "He won't let me hear the end of it. She's a very tender subject to him."

"Understandable, considering their famous history." Speaking over the snoring of a nearby painting, the Headmaster moved away his wand, and his face now looked more accessible in the lighted darkness.

"I want to know more about her."

He looked at me, straight and it felt like he was staring right into my brain. Every thought was read, or heard or felt, and nothing was left in the dark to him. He knew it all. I do hate it when I over think things. "Without asking Merlin?"

"Without him being aware." It didn't feel as wrong as it should be to keep important secrets from Merlin when they had to do with him. "Please, Professor."

He looked away, unreadable as he stood in the middle of the darken hallway with just his wand lighting the space. With a nod, his eyes landed back on me. "Very well. There isn't much lore on her specifically that didn't come directly from Merlin, but I'll deliver you everything I find. I ask for your patience."

I accepted that.

...