AN: Okay, so it's been like a month since I've posted and that makes me feel horrible. I lost my writing groove somewhere. I've been desperately trying to get it back, but my personal life is making it hard. Not to worry I'll keep trying.
Since it's been so long from my last post back in April and chapter 30 was taking me forever to finish, I decided to post what I have done so far. I feel that by doing this it'll help me. I'll be moving forward in a sense, when for weeks I've been feeling stuck.
Of this chapter I will say that it's missing a part in the end. It'll seem like it doesn't and that's the main reason I decided on posting. My friend, litzyreads already read what I'm gonna post and she said it seemed complete like a chapter. So I'm doing that.
Chapter 30: After
I hadn't been able to get a wink of sleep, so when a house elf came to aside of my bed with a message from Dumbledore, it was more of a relief than a bother.
The girls in my dorm were still asleep, and would likely wake at any minute, so I hurried around, making an effort of being silent. The last thing I needed was for them to see me awake that early, or even worst, try to question me about where I was going at that hour.
It had been very long night and I repressed four yawns before I was ready to leave my dorm. With the fear of Lorcan's colossal head breaking his neck, I ran to Professor Slughorn's office and banged on his door. He had been in the middle of getting ready for bed when he answered, wearing a green velvet dressing gown and his nightcap firmly placed on his balding head. Regardless of my interruption, he gave me his ear and only lollygagged to hastily prepare a potion that might stop and reverse the process I described to him. I jumped from feet to feet as I waited for him. After I sent him in the right direction, Slughorn demanded I went for Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall, and bring them. Then, he ran down the hallway.
A full hour later, Lily, James, Snape and I sat in front of Dumbledore in his office. Lorcan's head had been deflating as Pomfrey took him and Adrian Flint to the Hospital Wing in magically produced stretchers. McGonagall followed as she pulled Sirius after them, while he cradled his scorched shoulder.
Sporting minor cuts and bruises, James and Snape answered all of the Headmaster's questions, though in my opinion they were vague. They didn't give any particular reasons as to why they dueled, not beyond renowned house rivalry. In a sense, I guessed they weren't being untruthful, though I hadn't witness much of it, I did know that they hated each other's guts. However, I was waiting for the fingers to be pointed in my direction. My hands would turn into fists without me noticing, shaking. A part of me, right or wrong, knew that I had something to do in the situation that had occurred, and it was ungodly horrible to sit behind James as he explained what had happened without mentioning me.
Lily and I had to answer a score of questions too, but other than recollecting our view on the fighting, there wasn't much for us to say.
There was a matter in the interrogation that shocked me, or better yet the lack of it.
No one, not even Lily mentioned the use of an Unforgivable Curse during the duel, and I wondered at it. I, as I'm sure Severus as well, didn't say anything because then we would have been selling out our House. Slytherins did practice some dark curses in the Dueling Society meetings, and that was a complete secret, that even I had kept from Dumbledore deliberately. But I was surprised at Lily and James. They must had noticed the pain Lorcan casted at Sirius, and they both were exceptional students, I'm sure then they wouldn't need to had read Mulciber's lips to noticed the curse he had used. The fact of the matter was that neither said anything, and I let me thinking that maybe I was overestimating my Gryffindor friends. Maybe in the insanity of the duel, they hadn't noticed like I did. But it was obvious that Sirius must know, if he recognized the effects he had suffered, and would undoubtedly tell Dumbledore.
After a sermon directed at James and Snape, they got points deducted from their Houses, only for Lily and I to get awarded the same amount. It was a fact that I found completely useless. Then we were sent back to our Houses.
With the message the elf had delivered, I traversed the castle in the direction of Dumbledore's office. I couldn't really guess the reason why I was being called again. It couldn't be for another interrogation, for I had nothing more to add. There was nothing more I wanted to add, but if I received the summoning, then I was sure so had Lily and even James. And I did want to see them.
Entering the gargoyle corridor, my legs reminded me of just how much running I had done during the night, and before I came upon the Headmaster's griffin staircase, I had to take a moment to gather my strengths back. I slouched next to a gargoyle, using it to balance myself. Running during the full moon tired me out, but it was nothing to the pain I was feeling. My desperate dash to get help during the night had me running all around Hogwarts, and I was truly surprised I was able to get out of bed and make it as far without my legs giving away.
When I was ready to move again, I didn't. I saw the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office moved to the side, and two adults came down the staircase.
They were dressed impeccably, their robes the epitome of what must be a great fortune. They were a couple, a man and a woman beautiful to a fault, and as elegant as only pure-born wizards and witches could live up to be. The man, wearing grey robes with intricate embroidered designs was fair-haired, a clear contrast to the woman to his side, who's dark sun-kissed brown hair went expertly coordinated with her rich navy blue robes. When they reached the end of the staircase they interlocked arms, and with that I had no doubt as to whom the couple were.
They could only be Lorcan's parents.
"Petty house rivalry duels, aïe. This school is nothing but a bother." Mrs. Mulciber said with a pinched look on her beautiful face, holding to her husband. At the sound of her voice, I hid behind the closest gargoyle sculpture. She continued speaking, her accent making her words a little hard for me to understand. "Mon pauvre bébé. This wouldn't have happened at Beauxbatons."
Mr. Mulciber sported a face devoid of any feeling, and a glance his way from my spot was enough to let me see that Lorcan had inherited most of his looks from him. As well as the ability to contort his face into nasty expressions. "Don't start."
As I hid, I wondered at my actions, looking down at my feet. What reason did I have to hide? They didn't know me; they had no way of knowing if I had something to do with their son. Sure, maybe they had heard my name at some point, either by being mentioned by Dumbledore because of what happened, or by their son, but they shouldn't know my face. It was a preposterous thought, I realized instantly my stomach lurching, thinking that they might have heard of me from Lorcan when there was barely any reason for it. They went pass the gargoyle I was behind, and if they knew I was there, none of the two said anything or gave indication of it.
Mrs. Mulciber gave another displeased expression as she went, speaking again in a language I didn't understand. "Vous devez faire quelque chose."
"Of course, I'll do something!" Mr. Mulciber spat. "Dumbledore hasn't seen the last of us."
They kept on talking, hushing their tone as they went, probably heading in the direction of the Hospital Wing. The tones they spoke off weren't really nice, making me wonder if they always were like that. I stared at their retreading form, not questioning at all that they were definitely Lorcan's parents, and that I had no intention of ever being in a situation in which I had to meet them.
When the hallway was empty, I came out of my hiding spot and went to speak the password to Dumbledore's office.
The Headmaster's reason for summoning us to his office was, in my opinion a total waste of time. All he did was inform us on how the situation will play out, for he said it was imperative that we remained silent about what happened. Then he went to say that no doubt every student would know of what happened before lunch, so his words only annoyed me.
Then again by being called to the office for no important reason, I had the privilege to not be kept in the dark, and that was better than nothing.
However, my guess the summoning had something to do with Lorcan's parents. The Headmaster said nothing, but in my opinion it was just his way to get the parents out of his office. It worked, though Lily wasn't too happy about it.
She, Snape and James had been summoned too, but they had arrived before me therefore they were subjected to the Mulcibers' glares. Except for Snape of course, who didn't seem perturbed as he went down the griffin stairs after the Headmaster gave us permission to leave. My guess was that Lily knew very well that the Mulcibers had recognized her as a muggle-born, and had treated her as pureblooded wizards and witches from old prestigious families tended to treat people of her situation.
If James had been perturbed by something I had been late to witness it, I couldn't tell. He walked behind us as we climb down the stairs, curiously silent and uninterested on bringing attention to himself considering Lily Evans was right in front of him.
I threw a glance back at him, a little worried about his somber manner. His face was still marred with the product of his fight, his left cheek and bottom lip looked particularly bruised. The way he went down the stairs behind me was intentionally paced and tense, giving me a clear read that his body must had been sore from the had hurried away from us in the same manner.
My eyes met with James' as I stepped into the gargoyle corridor. The connection of our stares made me turn to him to watch as, he too, walked pass the griffin statue.
It was an awkward moment, as we stood watching each other, waiting for the other to show some kind of reaction. James' bruised face was tensed up, his brows almost knitting together in concentration as he looked at I stared, wondering what his expression meant, I realized that I didn't feel anything. There was no irritation, resentment, concern or any other sensation. I just stood there empty, looking at my friend trying to come up with a reason as to why I was devoid of any feelings. Maybe it was the marathon I had run through the night, or the stress the situation had made me work with as I ran the castle to knock on McGonagall's door. Or maybe I just didn't care.
I wondered at myself and if indeed I was capable of not caring. For a moment it seemed impossible, though I couldn't go against what was happening inside of me. I went over the nights events; hell I started with that first stare I had fallen into sharing with Lorcan and then I went all the way to the current moment. The fighting, Lorcan Mulciber, and Sirius suffering the Cruciatus Curse and my desperate dash to save my greatest enemy mixed up together inside me. And then it started.
Slowly, as our stare continued I began to feel something. It was a rise from deep within, a fiery thing that touched all parts of my body, and for a second had me forgetting who I was. I was angry. I couldn't help it as it invaded me. It wasn't the kind of anger that would have me screaming at James or at Sirius, but it was enough to be simmering inside of me. Mainly, I was sure that it stemmed from my indifference and that confusing turn only made me feel worst.
James appeared to notice something, making me wonder if already my face showed my growing feelings. In part I wasn't mad at him; my anger was directed at everything really, and I liked to think that he knew that. His expression had been the same since I saw him up at the Headmaster's office. That somber resolve that every time I saw it I grew more accustomed to. He had every reason to be that way; he was probably worried about his friend.
His responsible mode met with my anger. It was with those two expressions of ours colliding in the space between us that James gave a sigh, tried to force a smile, failed and then began to walk away. All in the span of a second.
"Where are you going, Potter?" Lily Evans said, bringing me back from whatever place I had gone to. Her interruption made my anger lessen, and I question if it was even right for me to feel that way. Lily certainly was boiling, though she appeared most times like that toward James. She had a pretty rough night too. The whole prospect of holding a giant head from breaking the neck it sat on, must had been even more horrible to deal with than what I went through.
"Hospital Wing." James gave no other explanation nor did he wait for any sort of reply. He just went down the corridor, his hands buried into his pockets and his school robes billowed behind him.
I knew he was going to see to Sirius. He hadn't even need to say it, I knew James was worried about his best friend, and even if he hadn't already seen him outside of visiting hours, he would want to be with Sirius every moment possible he was in the Hospital Wing. Even with my simmering anger, I couldn't keep the worry from over shadowing it, so I called after James, relenting my emotions aside. "I'm going with you."
"Faraday!" Next to me, Lily sounded surprise, though I didn't understand why. It was an obvious matter really.
James already walked away a considerable amount of distance, but he stopped when I spoke. I turned to Lily. She stared at me with bewilderment, asking with her wide eyes in a way I could understand because I had spent months as her friend. I could already tell just by staring into her gorgeous green eyes her question, and it surprised me that I had to speak it out. Surely she would know.
"He's going to see Sirius." I told her.
She made a regretful face, as if she had just realized something she knew was obvious, and nodded her head in understanding. With a pat on her arm as a form of parting, I left her and jogged to catch up to James.
With matching strides, we walked to the Hospital Wing in silence.
Normally, I didn't mind walking in silence with James Potter. Heck, sometimes it was even relaxing and enjoyable, a testimony of the passage of time and how our friendship was growing. Before, I had only felt that comfortable with Lily and Peter. Now I could add James and the rest of the Marauders. However, with what happened the night before, I couldn't claim to be so relaxed as I walked. In all honesty, my angry feelings were resurfacing but if it was because of James or the space I had to think, I didn't know.
Hogwarts was beginning to wake up as we made our way to the Hospital Wing. The Grand Staircase was already moving around sending stray groggy students to incorrect destinations and I wondered how long would it be for the school to be echoing with retellings of what happened. I questioned Dumbledore's conviction on the fact that even when we were supposed to keep the fight a secret, the students would end up knowing anyway. Was the Headmaster going to propagate the tale himself? Did he expect James or Sirius to do so, or the staff, because I was sure as hell that Snape and less of all Mulciber would be telling anyone of what happened. It was annoying to think that in a couple of hours people would be twisting around the story, when even I had no idea of the main reason for it.
It had kept the sleep from me, and made me wonder all night the reason as to why it had happened. I didn't want to put myself on a role of importance, I found it vain and self-centered, but the thought bounced around my head harder and harder with every second and the one thing that silenced it for the moment was the house elf waking me up.
I felt like it had been my entire fault. The fight and its outcome had been a product of me bringing attention the hate Lorcan Mulciber felt toward me. And James and Sirius, acting out their brave and chivalrous Gryffindor-selves had taken upon themselves to defend my honor. I felt stupid just thinking about it, though I couldn't keep it from sounding like it was correct. It angered me, boiled me over more than my earlier indifference to the matter had. For the boys to put themselves in danger was a horrible idea, but one that wasn't far fetched. For them to do so for me was downright frightening. It was the whole reason I had kept my feelings to myself, why I never spoke of what occurred and kept on occurring with Lorcan Mulciber.
The anger rose up from my toes to the ends of my hair, leaving uncomfortable goosebumps in their wake. However, their lingering effect were affected by James.
"You're not mad at us too are you, like Evans?" His still had his hands in his pockets as he looked forward. His normal messy hair was beginning to lose its volume, dropping to frame James' forehead like a fringe would. That little detail made me wonder when was the last time he passed his hand through his hair, and if really his concern toward Sirius was enough to make him damper his style.
A part of me wanted to say yes, scream it at him, but that only lasted a second. How could I when he was like that? I decided to look away less I squint my eyes at him. "I wish last night hadn't happened."
I didn't want to look at his face or whatever I might think could be found in his expression. He answered me in a confident tone, not as confident as he could get, yet certain enough to get me to believe his words to be undoubtedly true. "Snape had it coming and the other two didn't make things any better."
I had a weird feeling, one that came from the mention of Severus. James had listed him as his main reason for dueling, yet where did that leave me? I racked my brain for answers, instead of doing the logical thing and talking to my friend. However I wasn't sure if I wanted to voice out my feeling, less of all to James Potter, even if I trusted him. I momentary looked his way, saw him sending me side glances as we went down to the second floor. That short look made me realized that maybe I was overreacting as I sometimes tended to do. Maybe it wasn't my fault. Maybe I was right to think that putting the blame on myself was vain and self-centered.
James' words lessened my anger and with that I couldn't find anything to say. We walked a bit more before the Gryffindor spoke again.
"What happened between you two, you and Mulciber?" There was a level of uncertaincy in his tone, and if he looked the part I didn't know. At the mention of my greatest torment, I grew stiff, my head down.
I couldn't will myself to say anything. It wasn't for lack of trust or something like that. I simply wasn't able to. My lips didn't move, and even if they could they wouldn't know what words to form. When it had to do with Lorcan my lips sealed themselves up. I had never spoken of the matter to anyone, nor had I ever planned for it. Lily had never asked me, though I was certain she knew I had secret history with the Slytherin Prefect. If she wanted to know then she kept the desire strictly to herself. That was something I was extremely grateful to her about. Though I said nothing, she understood that it wasn't an easy matter for me to even think about, let alone talk about it.
"Sirius is right." I heard James say, bringing me out from my trail of thought with an odd choice of words.
This time, I did look at him. "Huh?"
"That face," He pointed at me with a nod of the head, his eyes behind his glasses, soft and considerate. It warmed my heart, evaporating all the anger I had left for the fact that I had managed to get another friend that looked at me with such beautiful concern. "Filled with anguish and self loathing, only Mulciber makes you do it. I had my doubts."
I felt bad, I really did. It was horrible, the mention that not only him, but Sirius too held concern toward me, and my unconscious reactions toward Lorcan. Well they're not really unconscious, I know very well that I can't control my face that well in those situations. Yet the fact of the matter wasn't that the Marauders had noticed, it was something they had apparently talked about when I was not around. To what extent they had discussed me and Mulciber, I didn't want to know, however it brought back the thought of me being responsible for the fight. It was a thought I couldn't keep away, and though this time I managed to abate my anger from surfacing again, the feelings of dread didn't go away.
That heavy weight in my body didn't leave me as James led the way to pass through the double doors of the Hospital Wing. I looked around the big room, regretful of everything that had happened in my life, until I heard Sirius' loud laugh booming over that of his friends.
He sat of a white bed directly under a window, so that the light of new day illuminated the spot. Remus and Peter were to the side him, sitting on two wooden chairs in their school robes, laughing at something one of them had said. To the other side of the room was another row of beds with white linen sheets. As I neared the boys that had noticed me and James coming, I had to force myself from not searching each bed for a person I didn't want to see. But I wasn't able to, and with a quick glance down the opposite side of the room the boys were I was able to see Adrian Flint resting in one of them. Next to him, on the farthest bed to the door, the curtains were pulled around it and I could barely make out the silhouette of two people. They huddle around the covered bed, and I tried not to think too much of Lorcan Mulciber being there with his parents. I already felt horrible, no need to add to the fire.
The Gryffindor boys greeted James and me with a smile. Sirius, in the look over I gave him as I neared him, seemed completely fine, both in body and spirit. He gave me a bored look for a second, before it evaporated into that grin of his that in worst-case scenarios could mean trouble. I was sure it was harmless in this situation, more of a show of his well being than anything else.
Peter gave me a small wave from the other side of the bed, as I followed James, who was nearing Sirius as much as possible. I stayed back at little, and I gave Peter and Remus each a particular sign of greeting. I thought of sitting with them. I didn't for the sole fact that it seemed too crowded and I was therefore better standing behind the Gryffindor Captain.
Wasting no time, James began fussing over his friend, grabbing Sirius' arm and moving it around to check for his condition. His face, though sporting a worried expression, held elation too. A childish kind of expression, that a look around the bed had me realizing that all the boys held the same. My guess the expression was the product of pent up worry, and now that it was resolve everything was fine. "Does it hurt? What were you given? Is Madam Pom-Pom treating you well?"
James' prying got to the point that Sirius had to push him away, but that was done with a grin.
"No need to fuss, I'll be out today." Sirius' reply made me sigh in relief. I knew I had been worried about him, but the extent of it, I hadn't really known. It put me at ease, for sure, to see him as normal as he had been the day before. Though, a spark of resentment wanted to catch fire to unleash my irritation on him. But I couldn't do it; I hadn't done it to James, less I would do it to someone sitting in a hospital bed. Even less when Sirius looked so pleased and happy as he spoke to his friend. "Well Prongs, what did we get?"
Back standing next to me, James passed a hand through his hair, and if that wasn't enough of a sign that things were back to normal, I would be kidding myself. "Three hours of detention every Monday, Tuesday and Saturday till the end of the semester."
Sirius pressed his hands together; shaking his head with what I could only assume was self-satisfaction. That or insanity. "Wonderful, with Minnie?"
"I sure hope so." James said with a shrug. I stared at the two, and then at the rest of the Marauders and saw that in their face the aftermath of the fight was like a normal day to them. As if everything was alright. Their ability to cause mayhem and walk out of it like nothing of consequence had happened was uncanny. I found myself marveling at it. James fumbled after he spoke, bringing out his wand. With a summoning charm, he brought two chairs from the other side of the room, and offered one to me to sit. I sat and he did the same.
"What about Quidditch?" Peter leaned over Sirius' bed, squealing as he talked with big watery eyes.
"We'll make do with what time we've got." Though his voice seemed resigned to the fact and his body relaxed as he put his legs up on Sirius' bed, it seemed almost impossible that James Potter was okay with time being cut from his Quidditch practice. He should been angrier than I had gotten earlier, spitting insults at everyone, and already planning with strict detail the practice time he would get to have before the next games.
A glance around the Marauders was enough for me to realize that I had been right to think that. Remus for one, like me, didn't look too convinced at his friend. "Not worried at all, James? You're lucky McGonagall likes having the Cup in her office, if not you would have gotten off worst."
"And I say to that Moony, that there's at least one adult in this place with her priorities sorted." James, ever a beacon of smug confidence settled more in his chair, and if there was any sort of doubt over Quidditch, there wasn't any show of it. As far as I knew, he was faking it, and with a look around I knew I wasn't the only one that thought so. One only needed to know James Potter for a short while to know that no matter how confident he appeared, Quidditch was a matter that was not touched upon in any way. It was highly amusing to watch him, and for a moment we were all content just being there until Madam Pomfrey appeared.
"What have are all of you doing here? Mr. Black needs rest if he wants to leave later today." The matron said as she came storming over from the back of the Hospital Wing where her office was located. She sent glance to her other patients as she came our way, but that didn't stop her from shooing us. "Out! Out the lot of you."
It didn't take much for Remus, James and Peter to shoot up from their chairs. Whether it be from past experiences with the matron or actual interest in following her orders, my thoughts lingered in the first reason.
James walked past me in a hurry, making Peter stumble over him to get as far away from Madam Pomfrey as he could. Remus shook his head as he went, probably because he was the most used to the matron's way of being than the others. I stood to follow James again, but something took a hold of my arm. Turning toward the constriction, I saw it was a hand. Sirius' hand to be exact, who leaned forward on the bed to catch a hold of me.
"She needs to leave too." Madam Pomfrey said.
"Give me a moment Pom-Pom." He then winked at her, and with a shake of her head she continued to push Peter, Remus and James out of her Hospital.
With no more interruptions for the moment, Sirius' let go on my arm and sat back on the bed. He eyed me, with a bored look that had me thinking that just maybe it wasn't really one of boredom. Maybe it seemed that way to me, but it could be his analyzing face for all I knew. "You haven't said anything. Are you angry?"
His question wasn't really surprising, nor his expression. I wondered if the silent treatment I had unknowingly showed gave him the impression or if he figured it out by his actions. To tell the truth, as I stood there, I didn't really care that he had fought. Maybe that was another reason to my early indifference. My anger, my negative emotions came from the fact that Lorcan Mulciber had been involved and that it was my fault that both he and Sirius had gotten hurt. Though James had claimed another reason for the duel, I couldn't help the feelings from invading me again, and I had to hold them back. It wasn't fair to unleash them on a person in the hospital, less when I might get in trouble with Madam Pomfrey. "I am"
"Weren't you worried about my poor self?" He gave me a strange look, one that both look childish and reminded me of his dog form.
I resisted giving in to him; a smile would not help me against him. "Only a little."
Sirius leaned forward again, giving me the impression that he would be telling me some great secret. That wasn't the case. "Next Hogsmeade visit I'll buy you loads of sweets to make up."
One more time, I resisted smiling. No use in letting him know that the prospect of him buying me tasty candy would work. It had worked the last time I had been angry at him, and it was doing the same at that very moment. "Should I stay mad at you until then?"
He gave me his best smirk and I had no choice but to give it back, at that moment it was too infectious.
AN: Next chapter will be short. Short like we haven't had in a while, but I'll be a juicy one.