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"I'm sorry, Fred." Karen said with her eyes closed as the elevator went up. Her head was clear, and she felt as rested as if she had slept the eight recommended hours in a cozy, warm bed. The weird man with the French accent hadn't lied to her about the beer's lack of side effects. That little true was the best thing that had happened to her in the last days. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I mean, yeah I've kicked you in the leg many times before, but I swear that it wasn't my intention to hit you with my headphones while you were riding your bike and land you in the hospital…Damn, this has to be the worst apology ever."

She opened her eyes and looked at the glowing numbers in the wall. Only a few floors left before she reached Fred's room.

I hate hospitals. Karen remembered Old Man Jenkins, but her mind went instantly back to her injured ex-colleague. And I didn't even buy him a present! Maybe some flowers, a box of chocolates, a teddy bear or one of those stupid balloons with corny one-liners written on them!

Karen punched the wall.

It wasn't that she particularly liked Fred. He was clumsy beyond belief, and his overly sociable personality had driven her crazy many times.

But he had always been nice to her, and the only reason he had been riding his bike near to Karen's apartment that day was to deliver her a box with all her possession she had left in the office after being fired.

That idiot. I didn't ask him to do that. In a way, it's his fault this happened. How the hell was I supposed to know the headphones I threw out of the window would hit him in the leg and cause him to crash against a hot-dog stand? Your cursed with bad luck, Fred.

Karen touched her ears.

The absence of her headphones upset her a lot more than what she had done to Fred.

"I'm awful." Karen said as the doors opened.

She hesitated for a moment. By the time she decided to step out of the elevator, the doors were already closing. She managed to slide by, but at the cost of one of her shoes.

"Actually, Fred," Karen said with annoyance as she stared at her naked foot, "I think the one cursed with bad luck is not you after all. Whatever, these shoes are uncomfortable, and I only wore them for work anyway. In fact, to hell with the other one too!"

Karen took out the other shoe and dumped it in a trash can.

"What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a pair of feet in your life?" She said to some nurses and patients that stared at her as she walked toward Fred's room. "Well, I'm here to make that dream come true!"

She kept on walking with exceeding confidence as the others cleared out of her way with disapproving scowls on their faces. "What are you going to do about it? Put me under arrest?" Karen laughed as she turned around the corner.

Her insolent smile froze on her lips and vanished when she saw her ex-boss talking with an actual police officer outside of Fred's room. Karen retreated back and slammed her back against the wall. "Me and my big stupid mouth!"

The quietude of the hospital allowed her to hear them clearly.

Karen tried to relax. Nobody except her troubled conscience and tricky intuition told her they were talking about her.

"…you need to calm down, sir."

"I tell you! She had something to do with this! I just know it! Not only did she cost me a lot of money while she was working for my company, now she also hurts my best employee!"

Fred? Your best employee? Karen thought. I actually take offense to that, old coot.

"I know you're upset, but you need to understand that accusing someone without evidence can get you in big trouble." The officer said.

"Fred was hurt while he was near her apartment!"

"That's circumstantial."

"The find some evidence, dammit!"

"I'm not a wizard, sir. I can't just—" the officer's radio made static sounds. He answered it and spoke with his partner for a moment. "Huh, what do you know. I think we actually found something, but I'm not sure it involves her…"

"What? What did you find?"

"Just a pair of ugly headphones. They were found close to the scene of the accident."

Karen's blood froze.

"Do they have ugly antenna sticking from the ear pads?" her ex-boss asked.

"Yes."

"They're hers! She sometimes wore them to work. I knew it! I knew she was responsible for all this!"

Karen started to walk away. Her shoeless feet became an advantage. They made her steps silent and discreet.

"We still can't—" the officer said, but Karen's ex-boss gave him no quarter.

"Forget about Fred's accident! If you won't investigate her for it, then I want her investigated for the continued stealing of my artifacts! I checked her computer this morning before coming here, and what I found on it should be enough to land her in jail!" his voice echoed in the hallways. "At first, I thought she had just been careless and had lost the artifacts, but she's just a crooked thief! I want her arrested now, you hear me? NOW!"

Karen started to run. People stepped out of her way out of fear of crashing against her. The voice of her ex-boss echoed across the hallways.

The elevator had never felt so far away. Karen managed to enter it just before it closed. She ignored the surprised stares of the people inside and quickly pushed the button of the first floor.

She left the hospital running at a speed she didn't thought possible. The increasing sores and cuts on her feet didn't bother her.

She couldn't even feel them.

"Taxi!" Karen forced the car to stop by technically jumping in front of it.

"Heavens woman, are you crazy?!" the taxi driver asked her. Karen ignored him and got inside the cab. "Oh no, I don't give rides to escaped patients from the loony bin."

"Shut up and start driving!" Karen exclaimed so loudly that the taxi driver cowered back into his sit and stepped on the accelerator.

"Help! I've been kidnaped by a crazy woman without shoes!" he cried to his radio. Unfortunately for him, his fellow taxi drivers didn't believe him. That's what he got for playing that prank on them at least twice a week.

"I'm not kidnapping you, you moron." Karen said, twitching her mouth a little. Now that her adrenaline had dropped, her feet were starting to burn. "Just drive. I'll pay you double if you make it fast, okay?"

"Really?" The taxi driver calmed down. "Why didn't you say so? I'll be your loyal steed, lady!"

"Keep quiet and step on it." Karen said as she looked behind her. She was sure she could hear the patrol's sirens, and she wasn't going to wait to see if they were real or just a trick of her imagination.

I messed up again. Karen thought as the taxi took her away from the hospital and closer to the building apartment. My luck is awful. I'm awful. In every single way.

"No!" Charleston screamed.

Now he knew he wouldn't see his headphones ever again.

The truth hit him a few moments after the crowd of people around the Trusty Slab cheered when they saw someone stepping out the establishment.

"Alright everyone, settle down!" Slabs said to them. "Pearl will be here any minute. In the meantime, why don't you order a Slabby Patty? In celebration of my beautiful daughter's first autograph session before her investable road to fame, we have a special offer today! Order two Slabby Patties, and get one packet of ketchup for free!"

The crowd cheered, this time louder, though not because of Slab's awesome offer.

Pear had just arrived in her convertible together with her friends. She waved hello to her fans as her father went next to her and put a protective arm around her shoulders. He too waved and smiled as he walked together with Pearl to the entrance of the Trusty Slab. His smile made him look like the friendliest guy in town, but his eyes read 'get too close to my daughter and I'll turn you into today's special!'

Charleston didn't care about that whole event. On the contrary.

He resented it with all his heart.

It was thanks to that rowdy crowd Slabs' daughter had summoned that his dear headphones were lost to him forever.

"I hate you all!" Charleston screamed at them before slamming the door of the Crumb Basket behind him. They were making such an uproar about Slabs' daughter that he doubted they had heard him. He didn't care. In that moment, he didn't care about anything else but the headphones that had disappeared from his life in the wink of an eye. "Dammit!"

He kicked a bucket, hurting his toe in the process.

"Ouch, stupid bucket! I'll destroy you too!" he said. He sat down on one of the chairs of his always empty tables and put his injured foot on his knee.

He stared into the distance, his mind replaying the fateful memories clearly before his eyes.

After searching like crazy everywhere since six in the morning, Charleston had returned three hours later to the Crumb Basket after almost being arrested again.

There, to his surprise and joy, he'd found a large cat with a collar. He was chewing on his headphones right at the entrance of his restaurant.

"So it was you! You were the one that took them!" Charleston screamed at the cat. The animal had flattened his ears and looked at him with his eyes wide opened. "You think you can take the thing I cherish most and use it as your personal toy? Not in a lifetime, you fleabag."

Scared of the sight of Charleston's hand reaching toward him, the cat had run away with the headphones in his mouth.

"Hey stop!" Charleston screamed, not realizing that his voice only made the cat run faster. In a desperate attempt, Charleston had launched himself toward the cat as if he was a football player trying to score a touchdown. "Gotcha!"

He rolled on the floor with the cat in his arms until he came to a sudden stop. "Now give them back before I take you to the animal shelter! Ouch, mind the claws!"

After a few moments of struggle, the cat had finally let go of the headphones.

"Yes, victory's mine!" Charleston laughed, raising his headphones up in the air as if they were a newly earned trophy. They escaped his hand after feeling the burning sensation of the cat's teeth against his arm. "Curse you, cat! You better not have rabies!"

Now free, the cat turned around and hissed at Charleston.

"Oh yeah?" Charleston said before hissing back at the cat. That was enough for the animal to accept defeat and run away. "That's right, and don't you come back!"

When Charleston had tried to grab his headphones again, he discovered they were no longer on the dry grass.

"What?" Charleston began to look for them desperately with his eye. "But they were here just a second ago! Where—"

He found the culprit standing right in front of him. The enemy seagull carried the headphones in its beak.

Its expressionless black eyes stared at Charleston.

"You!" Charleston was about to raise his fist when the rational side of his mind he seldom listened to stopped him.

Catching a fleeing cat was difficult, but not impossible.

Catching a flying bird, however…

Slowly. I have to do it slowly.

With calculated movements, Charleston managed to get his hand inside his pocket. "Hey, birdie. Do you like crumbs?"

The bird jumped once in its place and fluttered its wings. Luckily for Charleston, its curiosity for the food overcame its instinct to escape.

After a few seconds of doubting, the bird came closer to him.

"They're really tasty." Charleston muttered to the bird as he opened his hand. "You can have all you want. But first, you must give me back those. It's a good deal, isn't it?"

The seagull was so close to his hand than Charleston could feel the soft touch of its feathers. He began to prepare his other hand to snatch the headphones from the bird's beak before it was too late.

"Eat some crumbs." Charleston said. "They're good for you."

Just before he could complete his plan, the crowd around the Trusty Slab had cheered. The seagull's surprise made it lose interests in the food, and it had flown away so quickly that soon it became only a tiny, distant spot in the sunny sky.

"No!" Charleston screamed again inside the Crumb Basket. He covered his mouth and stomped his injured foot against the floor. "It's those animals' fault!"

He stood up and kicked the chair. He could hear the crowd cheering again as Pearl gave a speech about her future performance in the Beach Palooza.

"It's also those hormonal morons' fault! And Slab's, and his daughter's! And everyone's!"

Charleston walked in circles as he continued to curse every person that came to his mind.

"And especially—" he said just as his eye became fixed on the photograph Frenchy had given to him. He grabbed it and looked at it with disdain. "It's your fault, you single-cell loser. You caused all this! Look at you, dancing all happy with your computer wife."

Charleston tore the photo into half, and then into pieces.

"Who's the loser now?" He said as he threw the destroyed photo to the ground. "Well, tell me! Who's the loser now?"

Charleston felt a fleeting feeling of satisfaction that died down the second he looked at pieces scattered over the dusty floor.

"Who's the loser now?" he asked again in a whisper.

His anger began to evaporate. It soon was replaced by numbness.

He leaned against the wall and stayed still for a long while.

I messed up again. Charleston thought and chuckled bitterly. That should have been my senior quote.

He walked to the window and looked at the happy crowd outside. Pearl was starting to take photos and giving autographs to her new fans. Slabs looked at his daughter with the same love he looked at money.

Perhaps even more, Charleston dared to say.

I don't think I could ever make Karen that happy.

He turned his back on the window, already sickened by that sugary display. The scene now before him was the complete opposite.

An empty, dirty and forgotten restaurant that had never seen a single costumer.

"A home fitting for a loser like me." Charleston said. "But not for someone like you, Karen."

He took out his cellphone and typed he message he didn't intend to send.

Is this really all this loser can offer you?

"Hey, old man." Karen said as she carefully put down a bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear, a box of chocolates against the door and tied a balloon that read 'Rest up!' on the door's knob, "yes, I know you probably would have hated all this stuff, especially the chocolates since they have sugar. And yes, I know the other neighbors will most likely just steal all these things the moment I leave, but give me a break. It's the best I can do right now, okay? Time and luck haven't exactly been on my side lately."

Karen gently finished tying up the balloon and looked at the door of the now unoccupied apartment. She picked up a hefty bag. "I'm sorry I didn't do any of this sooner. I'm also sorry I haven't thought of you much either. I'm not good at dealing with this kind of stuff. I'm not good at anything to be honest, but I don't think that's an excuse…"

She sighed. "I'm leaving this place for good. It probably would have made you very happy. Knowing you, you would have thrown a party to celebrate. 'Karen's departure party'! Come on, we both know that's exactly what you would have done." Karen laughed and touched her ear with her free hand. "And not just the building. I think it's best for me to leave town altogether. I really made a mess out of things this time. Usually, I don't think I would have cared. I never have, but now I do. It's weird. Don't you worry, what I feel it's not regret exactly. If I have to be honest, it feels more like…disappointment."

Karen waited for a moment before continuing. She knew her taxi's fare would be colossal by then, but she didn't care. She had enough money with her to live peacefully for a few days.

"Is this really the best version of myself?" Karen said, "I'm sure it is, and it's dreadful. I get fired, I lie to my husband, I get drunk, I lose my headphones, I hurt a guy that was just trying to be nice with me, and now I'm on the run from the police, all that in a couple of days. Oh, and I'm still as unlikeable as ever. I'm quite the catch, huh?"

Karen scratched her head. "But I'll still do it. I'll meet my husband. I know he deserves better, but I'm all there is. I want him to know that once and for all. Then, maybe he can—"

Karen swallowed.

Wow, I'm such a downer. But I have no time for self-pity right now. I have to go before the police gets here.

"This is a crummy farewell; you don't have to tell me that." Karen put a hand on the door and smiled. "Rest well, okay? And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about what you said at all. I'll say hi to Charleston on your behalf. You know, I think that's the other reason I'm still willing to go through all this." Karen stepped back from the door. "Goodbye, old man."

Once back in the taxi, Karen wondered where she should go next.

The airport may seem like the obvious choice, but her flight to Charleston's hometown was scheduled for next week. She had bought her ticket for the exact day of the Beach Palooza.

That stupid festival attracts more people than I thought! I can't believe there are no more flights available! This wouldn't be so bad if, you know, the police weren't so close on my heels!

"Hey lady, are we going somewhere, or do you just want to make me rich?" the taxi driver asked as he happily glanced at Karen's fare. "I swear, if I had more clients like you, I could retire and play golf for the rest of my life in a couple of months!"

"Shut up, I'm thinking." Karen replied. "You lazy bum."

I could go and hide in a hotel. I have the money, but I don't want it to dry fast. Besides, it would be only a matter of time before the police found me. Come on Karen, think! Hey, undersea computer. If you showed up right now and gave me some advice, I'd appreciate!

"Would you look at that," the taxi driver laughed as he looked in the outer mirror. "Looks like one of your neighbors is about to have a taste of some police brutality."

Karen thoughts shattered. She looked over her shoulder and watched two policemen entering the building.

"Boy, do I pity that poor bastard."

"Start the car and drive."

"I'm sorry?"

"START THE DAMNED CAR AND DRIVE!"

"Okay!"

Screaming, the taxi driver obeyed Karen. He pressed the reverse and crashed against a hot dog stand, destroyed a fire hydrant and bumped against the patrol before incorporating into the traffic.

"Are you kidding me?!" Karen spat at him.

"I'm sorry, but you made me nervous. You're scary, lady!" He said, barely containing his tears. He reached to his radio again, "Guys, seriously! I'm trapped with a crazy woman! And now she's wearing shoes! SHOES!"

Once more, no one took him seriously.

"Get a hold of yourself before you kill us both with your driving!" Karen said.

"Okay, but please don't hurt me. I have a Komodo dragon to take care of." The taxi driver took out his wallet and showed Karen the photos of his beloved pet. "Please, don't make this baby an orphan! Look, I won't even charge you."

"What are you talking about?" asked a confused Karen as the taxi driver reseted the fare back to zero, "I'm not going to—"

She halted her tongue.

I don't know where this paranoid fool got the idea I wanted to hurt him, but since he seems so eager to give me a free ride…

"Very well, I shall spare you." Karen said as if she was a judge.

"Oh thank you, thank you. I swear I never again will scam another client by toying with their fares when they're not looking!" the taxi driver swore with one hand on his chest.

"I knew that fare was overly excessive!" Karen exclaimed. Then again, she didn't feel like she was the right person to sermon the driver about righteousness, so she went right to the point. "In any case, I think I've decided where I want you to take me."

"Your word is my command, ma'am!"

Oh, so I'm not 'lady' anymore? What a bootlicking clown!

Karen caught a quick glance of another patrol passing close to them.

I hadn't noticed how abundant policemen are around here until now. Probably because they weren't after me before…

"Ma'am?" the taxi driver asked nervously and gulped.

"The beach." Karen said calmly. "Take me to the beach."

I should be safe there for a while. I need to recollect my thoughts before I decide what to do next. In any case, I swear we'll meet each other as we promised, Charleston. Then you can finally know me and move on to something better. Someone better.

Karen took out her cellphone and typed.

Don't you think you deserve better than me, Charleston?

"JimBob! Hurry up with those burgers!" Mr. Slabs screamed from the kitchen's door.

"Yes Mr. Slabs!" JimBob said as he got three more orders ready. Manward came to pick them up. He looked more annoyed than usual.

"I hate young people! Thank god I skipped that phase." He hissed before taking the orders to three young guys that were happily talking with Pearl and her friends.

"Hey you, don't get so comfortable!" Exclaimed Mr. Slabs protectively at them as he went to their table.

Alone again in his beloved kitchen, JimBob took a second to catch his breath. He cleaned the sweat of his forehead with napkin and took a sip of his water bottle. "Phew! What a day. Pearl surely knows how to get the Trusty Slab busy."

Tired as he was, he felt happy. "In any case, I better save some energy for tonight. I must be ready for Jim Boy's return! Don't worry Charleston, I swear I'll catch that thief and get your headphones back!"

He said, wielding his spatula as if it was a sword.

His heroic stance was broken by the sudden noise of something climbing up the kitchen's window.

After a small scream, JimBob went to check on it. A second later, a cat jumped right toward his chest. JimBob barely had time to catch him with his arm.

"Gary!" he said, hugging his beloved pet. "Are you out in one your morning strolls? Did you come to visit Papa Jim at work?" JimBob looked down at his cat and frowned. "What's wrong, Gary? You look scared. Don't you worry, I know just what to give you to make you feel better."

He gently put Gary down on the floor, washed his hands and began to prepare him a snack with the leftovers.

"Here you go!" JimBob smiled as he watched how Gary instantly relaxed at the sight of the food. "I don't think a cat should be in a kitchen, but I can make an exception for the best pet in the world! By the way Gary, do you want to join Patrick and me in our heroic crusade tonight? We could use your sense of smell to help us find the thief. Can you believe someone stole Charleston's headphones? What kind of person could do something so cruel? Who could be capable of such a petty act?"

JimBob looked a the costumers with his eyes half closed. His attention fell on one particular man who couldn't stop looking at his newly acquired autograph of Pearl. "Bobby Bass! I should have known! Don't worry Gary, we'll get him tonight."

JimBob knelt and pet the cat on his head.

"Justice will prevail!" JimBob screamed, his spatula again in his hand.

Gary finished eating and looked at him.

The collar with his name reflected the kitchen's light.