Spoilers if you're not caught up to 13x09

Nathan knew what he wanted.

Mostly.

The growing feelings he held for Meredith had their moments of scaring him. It was difficult for him to not think of Megan and what happened, all the mistakes he made, and the loss he endured. It either got pushed away or rationalized in one way or the other. A way to cope so he didn't actually have to think about the impact she had on him.

Other times it was as if everything was crystal clear. A hope brewing inside of him that made him think everything was going to be okay. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to be closer with her and to follow the path that was laid out before them. He believed in it. He didn't know have all the answers. He didn't know what the future held. No one did. Perhaps there was a chance it was all going to end in awful tragedy, or maybe it would work out. Nathan couldn't know and he didn't try to know. Instead, he did his best to cling onto the idea that something would actually work in their favor. They each had their demons to fight.

Through everything he considered it progress. The ability for them to move forward, even when she pulled them back almost as quickly.

He could recognize the fear inside of her. It was inside of him for so very long that it threatened to undo so much of his life. Losing people left scars and scars only healed up until a certain point. You could stitch and staple a wound closed, but when it healed, the skin was smooth and new, entirely foreign to what was around it, a visible mark of something that happened. Over time they faded but they never did disappear completely. No matter how much you tried to get rid of them.

They were with you forever.

Meredith was full of scars, figuratively and literally. Each time she opened up to him it was as if he got a little piece of her that made the whole picture a little easier to see. Pieces of himself could be seen inside of her. Common threads that tied them together. It was what drew him to her from the very beginning. Something he hadn't quite found the answer to, not yet.

It was because of that he managed to see the way in which something was constantly pulling her back.

Derek.

It had to be Derek and for that...he understood. How could he not? After losing Megan it was hardly as if he was willing to find himself connected to another so easily. He was not going to push her just because he wanted something.

There weren't a lot of times in which Megan was far from his mind and even jumping in with Meredith scared him. He made a lot of mistakes and while he grew from them...it was hard to convince himself that none of them were going to happen again. He had no intentions of cheating on her, but she very well could die. From what he knew about Meredith she'd been through hell and back. He could have just brought her pure hell.

Being back in Seattle almost gave him a reality check that things weren't actually going to change no matter how much he might have hoped they would. Maybe in the future, but they would remain stagnant for the time being. Until Meredith decided to tell Maggie...what could he do? Not much. He really did not want to do anything. Instead he gave her time and focused on his work. Just like he'd been doing when he first got there and absolutely no one besides April was friendly towards him.

Something that seemed to be a good idea with the new consultant walking around. The idea in his head that any of them could be fired, and well, given he was a damn good surgeon who turned down the Department Head at Duke to go to Seattle he didn't think he was in real danger. Not that it stopped him from being careful. Not with Arizona's words in his head about how run of the mill Cardiac surgeons were.

How run of the mill were Cardiac surgeons who spent a decade in the middle east?

Nathan shook his head to himself as he walked down the hall. He really didn't want to focus on the changes being made to the hospital. Not that it really worked out for him when he was slammed into by no one other than Meredith herself. His hands immediately found her arms to steady her, eyes falling down to her own.

"What's the rush?" He asked.

"That stupid consultant. Comes into my OR trying to tell me how to do my job. Comes in and tells me I won't even notice she's there. Guess what? It's really hard to not notice you if you never stop talking…" Meredith fired off. "I taught the girl who killed my husband. I am Head of General. I teach that damn cadavers lab to stupid residents so they don't kill patients. She walks in like I'm the hospital's problem. I have streak of saves longer than most people in this hospital."

The anger came off of her in waves and he took a step back. "And you were yelling at Webber because….?"

"His residents...or I don't know." She glared at him and folded her arms.

Subject changed seemed the best. "Want to hear something funny?"

Meredith tilted her head at him and walked past him.

For a moment Nathan stood there as he didn't know whether or not he was supposed to follow her. He did it anyway and stopped when she was standing at the nurse's station, looking over a chart, and occasionally glancing over at him as if she expected him to just start speaking.

"Keps joined tinder, which apparently half the hospital is on."

"April?" Meredith laughed, looking over at him briefly. "April 'I love Jesus' Kepner?"

"The one and only."

"Wouldn't take her for the type."

"Had quite a few matches from the way her phone was going off." He said as he leaned his elbow against the counter, looking over at Meredith.

"Good for her." She said as she set the chart down. "Jackson is pretty, but other fish in the sea or whatever."

"Maybe I should join."

Meredith didn't reply, only looked at him with a raise eyebrow.

"Hey," he took slight offense, "someone might want to date this. Pierce did, in case you forgot."

"You're not joining that. Because if you do I'm really not ever saying yes to the date I know you still want."

"You're not saying yes now."

"I invited you to Thanksgiving...at my house."

"With all the other attendings." He dismissed.

"Not all."

"Technicality." Nathan waved off. Only he didn't move away from her, even as she went back to focusing on her chart. Instead a small smirk managed to find him, leaning into her ever so slightly. It was a moment in which he had a hint of an edge and he knew it. "It bothers you."

"it doesn't." She shook her head, not looking at him.

"The idea of me with someone else bothers you. That poor nurse never had a chance against you."

"She's better off. You're not that good."

"That's why we had sex four times in your car. because I'm not that good. I'm awful, terrible. You couldn't get enough."

She let out a breath before she looked over at him with a serious expression. "Yes, exactly."

Not that he bought anything for a moment. Not when he had a few memories he fondly kept in his mind. "Have you been with anyone since?"

"Wanna know a secret Nathan?" She whispered as she handed the file to the nurse. She only paused for a moment before brushing right past him, close enough to whisper in his ear. "You don't always need a man."

Oh, she knew how to play a dirty little game. None of the thoughts on his mind were anything innocent as he turned and watched her walk away. He did his best to not seem too obvious as he lingered upon her. Tried to seem as if he was innocent when he was around her, no matter how he was anything but innocent when he was stealing glances.

Not his fault she was hot and a hell of a lot different from any of the women he ever met before.

Moments later he got a 911 that took him from his thoughts about how hot Meredith Grey was and instead focused on actually doing his job. His job that ended up pulling him into a surgery that took up the majority of his day. His patient didn't die and he was grateful for that. Exhausted. But when he managed to save a life it was all worth it.

All he wanted to do was grab his stuff and go home. Sleep. His bed was the one thing he wanted.

One of the attendings came out of the room and he smiled before walking in and seeing Meredith. She was changing her shirt as he turned to grab his stuff out of the cabinet. "Do you always change in here?"

"I'm late for the stupid board meeting." She huffed as if she was a teenager.

"Any more run ins with Eliza?"

"Nope. She found someone else to torture." She said as she grabbed her jacket. "Was that you?"

"No, I think it was Pierce and Webber." He shrugged. "Better than me."

"Glad I wasn't on that one."

"How do you think this will go down?" Nathan asked.

"Someone will probably be fired. Always are."

When Meredith walked out of the room he easily found himself following her. "Is there a story there?"

She glanced over at him as she put her hair up. "Couple years back we merged with Mercy West. April and Izzie were fired."

"Keps? Really."

"Made a mistake. Got fired. Derek rehired her when he became Chief. Just don't make a mistake. You'll be fine." She assured him. "Plus, they can't fire. My name is on the hospital."

"When do I get that story?"

"Goodnight, Dr. Riggs."

After parting with Meredith he found himself at home and actually managed to sleep. At least before he was woken up by a page that he needed to check up on one of the patients. He was used to not sleeping much in the Middle East. There was usually some kind of emergency or something that kept him awake. Whether it was his problems in his relationship with Megan or the fact that he spent most of his surgical career in war torn areas where sleeping was the least of his problems.

Not long after a quick surgery he went to the cafeteria to grab something to eat. After not seeing anyone he actually knew he took a seat at one of the tables. When Meredith joined him, he was confused. Their friendship was something that was new and not anything that was usually so public, like her joining him in the middle of the cafeteria for everyone and anyone to see.

She was far more low key than that.

"Amelia just showed up last night." Meredith spoke as she took a bite of her food.

"At your house?" He questioned after a few moments.

"Something about the sword falling with Owen or whatever. I give it a week before she's a full time resident at my house."

"What happened to being happy for them?"

"I'm happy for them when they are actually happy." She defended. "Not when Amelia is all depressed and moping around my house like her marriage is over."

"They were trying for kids."

"What?"

"Hunt and Shepherd. They were trying for kids." He shrugged. It was kind of weird to know something about them given how at odds he and Owen were ever since he arrived in Seattle. They actually managed to find some way to be friends with one another. Or at least they were moving towards being some kind of friends.

"She thought she was pregnant. She wasn't."

"Rough"

"It takes time." Meredith shrugged as she made eye contact with him. "I was on fertility drugs for a year and it still didn't happen. Not everyone gets pregnant on the first try."

Another piece of the puzzle and it was such an odd piece of information. Not one he had to ask about or one that would make him know her more than already did. Just something he knew, which was nice. Just a little tidbit. "They'll work it out."

"They better my house is cramped with four adults and three kids."

"You could force her to deal with her marriage."

Meredith shrugged. "I'll give her a week before I tell her to deal with her marriage."

When he looked up he noticed Maggie walking over and joining them at the table. He briefly looked over at Meredith who had a steel face. He determined that there was no one could swallow their feelings and secrets quite like Meredith. Kind of admired it, if he was being honest. Not that Nathan exactly had much trouble lying on the spot. Not with Maggie at least.

"I can't teach. I suck. I'm terrible. I don't fail at things and I'm in a teaching hospital unable to teach." Maggie rambled out and looked over at Meredith.

"Don't look at me." Was her reply. "I was taught by Derek and Webber."

"Ugh. not fair." She looked at Nathan.

"No," he shook his head. "Don't drag me into this." He didn't want to be involved so much that he shoved some food in his mouth just so he couldn't talk. Kind of like he was a kid.

"Why don't you teach the cadaver lab?" Meredith suggested.

"I'll probably make them hate me."

"See one. Do one. I'll give you some time with them and you can figure it out. Plus, I need to sleep before I die."

It was written all over Maggie's face just how uncertain she was about the whole thing. "Let Riggs do one."

Meredith shook her head, pointing her plastic fork at her sister. "You need the practice, he doesn't."

"I'm his boss." Maggie pointed out.

"You know," Nathan interrupted them both, "he's right here and he can hear you."

"And I own the hospital." Meredith ignored him and kept her eyes focused on Maggie.

"If only I knew about my invisibility powers sooner." Nathan mumbled to himself. He was actually quite amused by the whole thing, and the whole sister banter was interesting.

"Do you think she's gay or Callie bi?" Arizona asked as she put her tray down at the table and joined them.

"Who?" Meredith questioned.

"Eliza." She answered and looked over at the girl.

It only took a few moments before the entire table was looking at her. Not for the first time. It seemed whenever she was walking around the hospital all of the attendings and residents were looking over at her. As if she was going to end up firing them all if they didn't gawk at her like they were kids and she was the mean teacher.

"My name wasn't on the list because my face is not one you forget." Arizona quoted in a voice that amused the whole table.

"Smooth." Maggie said.

"You're the lesbian." Meredith looked over at Arizona. "I ride the penis train. Big fan."

Nathan choked on a piece of food. Whatever he was expected Meredith to say that wasn't it, and it certainly didn't help him think less about anything that happened in her car. Inappropriate thoughts when sitting at work with a table of coworkers was the worst. "Wrong pipe."

"I miss sex." Maggie said with a sigh. "Deluca was good, but that…" Her eyes drifted over to the intern in question before briefly looking at Nathan.

That didn't make him feel any less awkward.

"Oh, we're talking about sex." Amelia spoke as she took the last empty seat. "It's been like three days. No sex. I miss Owen but we're not talking. He has the best -"

"We know." Meredith interrupted her before she could finish. "He's gifted."

Now that was not something Nathan needed to hear and something that only made him slightly jealous. Of things that were not 'gifted' related. He turned to Meredith. "You and Hunt?" He questioned as evenly as he could. Doing his best to not sound like he cared one way or the other. He just hoped the girls were oblivious.

"Amelia and Owen had sex on my couch."

"He was just right there for everyone to see." Maggie added.

"Is this how Alex feels all the time?" Nathan asked after he managed to feel better.

"Probably." Maggie nodded.

"Maybe you should talk to Owen." Arizona offered.

Amelia shook her head. "I'm not talking to Owen."

"All you do is talk." Meredith countered. "Like all the time."

"Well I'm not talking now." Amelia replied and focused on her food.

It only caused Meredith to roll her eyes, Arizona to focus on Eliza, and Maggie to look at her with a face that Nathan couldn't quite read. He felt like he was missing something in that moment. Things were obviously complicated between Amelia and Meredith, but he didn't know the full story. Probably never would.

"You can't date people you work with." Arizona said and broke the awkward silence that settled over the table. "Can't marry them either."

"Work relationships can work." Amelia defended.

Arizona looked at her. "Name a couple still together."

"Derek and I were together until he died."

"You two were even speaking." Amelia blurted.

The glare on Meredith's face was not one to be missed. "He resented me from keeping him from DC and then another woman answered his phone. I had valid reasons not to talk to him. And then he died. He's dead. Go work out your crap before Owen drops dead."

"Wow okay. That's convincing." Amelia looked at Meredith. "Hey, go work out your problems in case your husband dies. I'm sold."

"I think what Mer means is to work it out before it becomes something you can't work out." Maggied offered.

"The sword fell." Amelia shrugged.

"Whatever it is Owen comes around." Meredith said. "He loves you for God knows whatever reasons. Oh, don't glare at me like that. He loves you and you guys can work out your problems. You're not moving back into my house. You have your own house with your own husband. Go make babies and be all gross."

Amelia didn't reply and instead focused her gaze elsewhere. Their phones all ended up going off before the topic of conversation could turn.

"Incoming traumas in the pit."

It was one of the few times that Nathan was actually grateful to have something distract him. He suddenly had a newfound respect for Alex having to listen to that more often than he did. Also kind of made him thankful for his friendship with April. She talked a lot, but she talked their conversations were a lot less...all over the place.

It did happen to amuse him, if nothing else.

The traumas ended up taking most of his time. Most of the time he was happy to focused on his work and it gave him more time to process the little things he learned about Meredith. He had questions but he also knew whenever he actually tried to get anything out of her she went the other way, and acted as if there was nothing for her to share.

It took him a few days before he managed to actually run into Meredith again. He was either in surgery or actually taking advantage of the day off he'd been given. "Hi."

"Hi." Meredith greeted as she looked up briefly from her phone.

"You said that your marriage was falling apart before your husband died. Did he cheat on you?" Nathan asked rather bluntly as he looked over at her. In truth, he didn't expect actually get much of an answer. It was invasive and not the same approach he took before. He took the chance, seeing as how the two barely knew one another when she asked him about what happen with Megan.

Meredith pointed to the chair. "Sit." She let out a breath. "I'm only telling you because Amelia brought it up."

"You don't have to."

"I know. Now sit and shut up." She paused. "Derek received a job offer from the President and he didn't take it, because I refused to move. I had to stop being Derek Shepherd's wife. We fought every day. Every time we were in the same room it's like we were fighting. He got the job offer again and he took it. Things were better, but still pretty bad. I didn't want to be with him, but I didn't want to leave him wither. I let time pass. I had 89 good outcomes in a row and I called him, because I thought he should know." Meredith smiled. "A woman answered his phone."

Nathan didn't speak as she told her little story. All it proved to him was no relationship was perfect. Sometimes when he spoke of Megan it was as if there was some fairytale, but when he looked back at their time together it was messy. They were happy, but they were also anything but happy. If they had gotten the opportunity to find themselves married who knew how it would have ended up. He cheated long before that happened and while he regretted it every single day...he knew why he did it.

"Everyone assured me he didn't. When he came home...he told me she meant nothing. I ignored it. I chose to believe he wouldn't do that, but I'll never know the truth. I didn't believe him when he told me. Then he died and I can sit here and spend my life wondering whether my husband cheated on me, or I can just focus on the good parts. I choose to focus on the good parts." She paused and looked up at him, her eyes threatening to give away every emotion she was burying. "Derek was married before me. Once you've been the mistress, it's hard to believe it won't happen to you when another woman answers your husband's phone."

Part of him wanted to ask more questions. Like what actually happened when Derek was married to his first wife, what actually made her the mistress, and everything else in that little story. He didn't. Instead his own gaze fell to his hands, which were clasped in his lap. He knew that he owed her nothing in return but that didn't stop him from wanting to tell her something in return. He was learning little by little from her, but she knew even less about him. He was aware of that.

"Every relationship has it's problems. Megan and I were no different. Not that my cheating on her was something I'm proud of or have an excuse for. I should have either fixed it with her or ended it. I didn't. She got on that chopper and I never saw her again. Shepherd reminds me a bit of her actually...the humor, the talking. Not so much everything else." He paused, looking over at Meredith. "This is the longest amount of time I've spent in the States since Owen and I joined the Army. You see things over there that are just unimaginable. Life or death. More than just on the table. You can fix a guy and he can be dead the next day. You can fix a kid and then a bomb goes off." His gaze tore away from Meredith again, doing his best to keep some semblance of composure.

Meredith stood and walked over to Nathan. "Do you want to get a drink?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

In truth, he didn't really know where he was going with all that he told her and there was only so much talking that he wanted to do. Those little moments where they each opened up were painful for them both. Nothing fun and nothing he wanted to deal with. Grabbing a drink was much more preferable. The pair ended up across the street and sitting in the bar.

"So what do they think you're doing?" Nathan asked.

"Paperwork."

"That's the worst excuse."

"I know." Meredith shrugged and took a sip of her drink.

"Not to gloat or anything, but you asked me here."

Meredith looked at him and he couldn't read her at all. No idea what was going to end up coming out of her mouth or what she was thinking. She hadn't moved from her seat, but she didn't look like she was going to reprimand him for his comment either. Instead she kept the eye contact she nursed her drink, Nathan all too easily mirroring her actions. It was probably the closest thing to a date he was going to get so he savored it. Even if he did want to kiss her. He knew exactly where the line was and didn't cross it.

He'd only cross it if it was something she wanted him to cross.

Until then the too long exchange of their gazes and drinking together was what he would take.

"You and Owen getting along better?"

The sound of Meredith's voice pulled him from the near trance he held with her. "A bit, yeah. We'll probably never be best mates again or anything, but he talks. I listen."

"About kids."

"He was watching Harriet. Told me and Shep were trying."

Meredith nodded. "And now they're having problems."

"Told you."

"Oh, shut up." She rolled her eyes.

"Two months and they're having problems. You can't tell me you think they're gonna last."

"Pessimist."

"Realist." He corrected.

"Then your realist self should know this is not going to be some picture perfect romance."

Nathan finished the rest of his drink before setting the glass down on the bartop. "I don't think this is a fairytale, Meredith. We're not getting married. It's a drink and some sex."

"You got your drink."

One step forward, ten steps back. It was all he could think as she stood and started to walk towards the door. Nathan stood and left some money for the bartender before following her own, jogging to catch up to her. He wanted to say something but he didn't know what to say. If he pushed too much any movement forward they made would probably go away, so he didn't. Instead he walked alongside her until they made their way back to the hospital parking lot.

"Owen." Meredith said.

Nathan offered something of an awkward smile to him when he noticed his former best friend, hoping he didn't ask too much of why the pair were out there together. They were friendly, but not friends.

Owen looked between them but didn't say anything about it. "Is Amelia at your house?"

"I think so." Meredith nodded, "it's where she's been lately."

"I've been calling her but she doesn't want to talk."

Meredith offered him a sympathetic look. "It's Amelia. She'll come around."

"I should leave her alone, right? But we're married. I just don't want…" Owen trailed off. "What are you two doing out here?"

"He was updating me on a patient." Meredith answered before Nathan had the chance.

"Pierce and I switched cases." He paused, looking between them. "I should go. You can talk. Goodnight, Dr. Grey." He lingered on Meredith for a moment too long, offering a smile. One last glance was given to Owen as he walked towards his own car. He vaguely heard them talk again, but wasn't really in the mood to listen about whatever problems were going on between Owen and his wife. It wasn't his place.

Just like with Meredith he didn't want to actually push the growing friendship between he and Owen.

Nathan decided to give Meredith space. If she wanted to seek him out then he would be there, but until then he wouldn't bother. He didn't want to be the guy that came across as pushy. It was the last thing he was. He liked her and liked spending time with her, but he just how complicated the situation was between the two of them, and everyone else in the hospital.

Instead he spent most of his time focused on his work. He took any surgery that he was needed and felt like he worked more days than he slept. It was what he liked though. It almost reminded him of his life before he moved back to Seattle. It was nice to be somewhere where he knew things weren't going to go terribly wrong, and less patients died, and he could actually sleep, but sometimes the rush was gone.

Life or death wasn't the same in a hospital.

After finishing his third surgery of the day he found himself in the attendings' lounge in desperate search of some coffee, only to spot April there.

"Dating is hard."

"Not going so well?" Nathan asked as he poured himself a cup.

"It's fine."

"Wow Keps. I've never been so convinced in my life."

"I live with Jackson and he's supportive." She elaborated. "Too supportive. It's weird. He offered to watch Harriet so I could go out tomorrow."

Clearly he was missing something. "And?"

"Nothing. I should just go right. I'm hot and stuff."

Whether she was trying to convince him or herself he didn't really know. "You should go."

"I'll go. He's kind of boring."

"Avery?"

"No," April laughed and shook her head. "The guy."

"Then find a new guy. I heard that thing go off a million times."

April rolled her eyes. "You seeing anyone?"

"No, but you already know that."

"No Maggie?"

Clearly she was fishing for information and after spending nearly a year with April he knew when she was looking for information. He did want to tell her about Meredith, but he stopped. The more people that knew the more likely it was going to travel to all the wrong people. The last thing he wanted was for Maggie to find out and for Meredith to hate him for it. Even if lot weighed on his conscience about he should have told her the truth in the parking lot, rather than telling her he wasn't ready to date anyone. "Does everyone know about that?"

"I overheard and Owen?"

"I'm really not dating Owen." Nathan grinned at her before he took a sip of the coffee that tasted like dirt.

"This conversation isn't over but I have to go feed Harriet."

Nathan only had enough time to finish his coffee before he was paged for another surgery. Seattle seemed to the place of never ending heart problems. It didn't help Maggie mentioned something about having the day off and it was essentially just him.

The rush of near endless surgeries was good, but exhaustion found anyone. Especially when it came to filling out all of the paperwork and trying to get the interns to take care of the patients. Everyone had to start somewhere, didn't they?

After getting a report from one of the nurses on his patient he noticed Meredith walking to the station. He had half a mind to leave to give her more of her continued space, but he didn't. Instead he stood there and looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Do you ever…" She paused, taking a step closer, leaning her arm on the counter and seemingly looking anywhere but him. "see Megan?"

Out of the many things that could have come from Meredith...that one was not anything he was expecting. He also didn't really know how to answer "Sometimes. Little moments here or there when something reminds me of her." It sounded weird and it was weird. "It happened a couple times in the Middle East. Not so much here." But he expected that to be a common occurrence for Meredith. Derek worked there. She loved and lost in those very hallways. "Do you see Derek?"

"Not as much as you would think." She answered, swallowing and refusing to actually look at him. "It's like something has to trip my memory before I think about it."

"So what happened?"

The look on her face made it seem like she was going to run in the other direction rather than actually answer him. "I remember telling my kids when Derek died."

Nathan nodded. For all of the loss that he found himself through, he never had kids. He never actually knew that kind of pain and having to break the hearts of kids that one of their parents was dead. Something he was grateful for and hoped he never had to do the same thing.

"When I started out I was Neuro focused and I was with him a lot."

"Why'd you switch to General?" Clearly she was right when she said it was a long story.

"I don't think you want to know that story."

"I don't think you want to tell it."

"What are you still doing here?"

Nathan didn't push. She'd tell him if she wanted. "Emergency in the pit. Pierce said something about your kids being sick and taking the day off."

"Ellis."

"I've spent most of my day in surgery, except for talking to Keps for five minutes." Nathan shrugged. "Your patient turn out alright?"

"Yeah." Meredith pulled off her scrub cap. "I have to sleep before I die."

"Go. Sleep."

Meredith smiled before she walked off.

Things were quiet until the building collapse. Just when things were quiet and you entertained that thought it all managed to fall apart just as easily. It did make him able to actually talk to Owen, and destroy whatever picture perfect image he had of him. He felt guilt over what he did, but mostly, he felt guilt over the fact that Owen was always a better man than him.

For so long he thought Owen would never make the mistakes he did. Then suddenly, the glass ceiling was shattered and he saw the flawed person he was. They were both guys who made mistakes and everything changed. It was not going to erase a good portion of what he felt over what happened with Megan, but it did manage to make him feel as if Owen was less an ideal in his head, more an actual person.

It was the first time in a long time it seemed as the two could be friends.

After Owen telling him he was going to go home he decided to do the same. At least until he saw Meredith. He had half a mind to ask her if she wanted to grab a drink but the look on her face said something else entirely tomorrow.

"What's wrong, Meredith?"

"Nothing." She dismissed and brushed past him, clearly a woman on a mission.

"Meredith." Nathan called after her only to move after her.

"Leave me alone."

"No."

Meredith stopped and turned to him. "Alex wants to take the plea deal. Two years. He'd have a felony and he'd be gone for two years. Everything he built would be gone." She told him, only to run her hands over her face. "I have to stop him. He doesn't realize what he's doing his damn career for a girl who wants to punish him. I left him a voicemail, but…"

"You have to let him to do this own."

"No, he'll lose everything he's ever worked for. You don't get Alex. You weren't here. His family is a damn mess. His wife got cancer and left him. His girlfriend tried to kill herself in my kitchen. He was there when Derek died. He was there when I had Ellis. He's a good doctor who made a mistake and if he pleads guilty...he spends two years in jail and loses everything. There's no coming back."

As she went on she became more and more distraught, incoherent. It was something he never saw before in her. Something he never hoped to see. "Meredith, you need to breathe."

Advice she chose to ignore. "It's just us. Everyone else is gone or dead. It's just us and I can't be the only left. I can't. I can't be the last survivor." For as hard as she tried to keep herself in control she was quickly losing it. "My kids love him. I know he loves Jo, but he can't do this. He worked so hard to build this life and to destroy it. You don't throw the fight. You get back up. He has to know that."

"You have to let him do this. You know that." He whispered softly and reached out to brush the few fallen tears away.

"Nathan, let me go."

It was his turn to ignore her. "I know what he means to you, but you can't do anything. If he wants to protect Jo you have to let him. You have to support him."

"He's all I have left. I can do it, but I need him."

"What do you plan on doing? You can't take his place, you have three kids to think about."

Meredith was silent as she looked at him and tried to regain some semblance of composure, her breath steadying, at least as much as she could manage. "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can. I promise you can."

"Everyone is gone and if he's gone, too. I can't..."

"You can," he reassured. "I know you can. You have me. I'm not going anywhere. You have your sisters. You're not alone, Meredith. I promise."

"It's not fair." She whispered. "It's not fair my sister is dead. It's not fair Derek is dead. None of this is fair. No matter how hard we try, what we do...everything is just ripped away."

"I know."

"He's better than this. I know he is."

"Hey, look at me." Nathan whispered. He hated seeing her like that and hated the way he was powerless, yet, knew that there was nothing any of them could do. He didn't know Alex all that well, but what he did know was that if Meredith had as much faith in him as much as she clearly did standing in the hall with tears finding her at the threat of losing him he had to be a good guy. "You told him all you can. You can't go in there and take the fall for him. If he chooses to take that plea you have to let him. It hurts and it sucks. The world is unfair, Meredith, but this will not break you. You can do this. When I said you seem indestructable I meant it. I can see your strength. Be there to support him. If he takes it, you will be there for him, and if he chooses to fight you will be there for him. But it's his decision and deep down, you know that. You're scared, but don't let that rule you."

Meredith looked up at him. Watching him as he spoke the words out. She relaxed, just barely.

It was an odd feeling...to want to make things better for her when they were essentially nothing. There was no obligation. They were just two surgeons who were in and out of things that brought them together and tore them apart.

Not that he had long to think about it. Not when the sound of her inhaling sharply hit his ears, and her lips found his.

Oh, how he knew it was a bad idea. From the very second they found themselves kissing he knew it was a bad idea. They weren't exactly hidden from anyone's view either. Not as she pushed him against the wall and he kissed her back. Less desperate desire like before, less trying to find an outlet. It was comfort then and he knew it. It was comfort in the way she fisted her hand in his scrubs to keep him there, comfort in the way she just stood there and seemingly didn't care about anything but then in that moment, and comfort in the way he returned the kiss and the way he didn't move his hand from her.

Bad timing, bad everything, and something he knew he needed to stop. He couldn't just be some source to make her feel better when she needed to feel better. She was upset and he was a better guy than to just take what he wanted because it was a moment of weakness for her.

"Meredith, stop." He breathed pulling away from her lips just enough for them both to stop. "You know I enjoy this very much, but not like this."

"I should go." Meredith pulled away and turned her head, only to stop there, something clearly capturing her attention.

Nathan looked what she was focused on and saw Maggie. Well, there went either of them actually being some kind of mature adult and telling her. The look on her face was enough to cut through glass and give him a year's worth of guilt.

"I came to see if you guys could join us for Webber...but I see you're busy." She spoke as her voice broke.

"Maggie wait." Meredith said, walking towards her.

"No, don't." She stepped backwards, putting her hands up to stop them both.

"Maggie, please."

"I have to work." She shook her head. "I can't believe you lied to me after you promised." Maggie just walked the other way and Nathan knew not to her follow her. Talking in the heat of the moment never got anyone anywhere. The heat of the moment put Megan to her death.

"I have to go." Meredith said as she pulled away completely.

"Meredith." Nathan reached out for her but she only moved faster.

"Nathan, please. Just don't. This was a mistake."

For as much as he wanted to follow her he knew better. Instead he only offered one last thing as she walked away. "You can call me if you need anything."

He didn't expect her to call him.

Had no idea what to expect now that Maggie was aware that they were lying to her about something.

The whole truth would come out eventually.