Updating on time for the second week in a row...what is this madness? This chapter is quite a bit longer than my normal ones and I ended up cutting out a good chunk, but I just had the muse for this so I wrote it. Thank you for the all continued support. ❤
After Meredith left for the funeral Nathan tried not to worry too much about her. He saw just how complicated her relationship with her father was and how not close they were. It was something more of formality than anything else, one where she could close the door before managing to open another one to the rest of her life. That was always what death did when it was a figure in your life, good or bad. They both knew that well. Too well.
It was a quiet day, too quiet, or maybe he was just far too used to the hustle and bustle of being in the Middle East. Nathan had been back in the States for a while but he was out there for so long that it was far more ingrained in him. The quiet moments were the moments when his thoughts ran with him. Sometimes good places, other times bad places. The gamble that came with it just made it easier if he was caught up in a case that pulled all of his focus.
Paperwork was really the only thing he had to do. He sat in the attendings' lounge, making a home for himself at the table with coffee that had gotten cold. The amount of times he checked his watch and his phone were getting alarmingly high, which was still better than any of the thinking he was struggling to not to.
His mind moved to Meredith so often. It was like that since he met her...just always thinking about her. It caught him by surprise and as they had fallen into something of a relationship it was less surprising, while still managing to catch him in a moment where he didn't think it would happen again for him. Not with Meredith. Not with anyone. After Megan he didn't think anyone could make him feel like she did. It was something he wanted to hold onto forever while worrying that it was going to slip through his fingers. Sometimes Meredith really felt like she was one foot out the door. Not that he could actually blame her. Not when so many times he was the guy who was out foot out the door when a girl wanted more than one night with him.
The cold coffee that tasted terrible like all cold coffee did managed to get him back on track as he finished the set of files he told himself he needed to get through.
At least until Meredith walked through the door.
"I hate funerals." Meredith sighed heavily as she sat down opposite of him at the table.
Nathan didn't really think that he was going to see her until that night, surprise showing in his face. "How'd it go?"
"Molly reacted like any daughter with a loving father is like. I'll never know that." Meredith paused, shrugging. "I don't really want to talk about it anymore."
"We won't talk about it then."
"Do any cool surgery?"
"Paperwork." Nathan answered as he pointed down at the files.
Meredith made a face. "Boring."
"Better than going to a funeral."
"I am inclined to agree. Just this once." Meredith looked restless and stood up. "I'm going to shower and spend some time with the kids. I'll be back later. You can make forget about this day."
Nathan reached around the side of the table, tugging her back towards him, just so he could give her a kiss before she left. "My pleasure."
Meredith didn't leave just yet, instead allowing the kiss to deepen, taking comfort where she could get it. "Okay, now I'm leaving."
He didn't miss the smirk on her face and his thoughts took quite the turn because of it. He really should have just let the interns do the paperwork, mess and all.
By the time the end of the night rolled around Nathan was glad that Meredith was running late so he wasn't leaving her to stand there like an idiot. An emergency came in and he found himself running late when the surgery didn't go according to plan, as far south as it seemed it could and even as he waited for her he was getting the last of the chart filled out.
"Do you know where Arizona is?" Meredith asked as she hald Ellis on her hip and Zola standing next to her.
"She's coming down the hall." The little girl looked right up at him, but saw Sofia and bolted. He was glad because he knew Meredith wanted to keep them separate until she ready for them to make that move. The last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable.
"Friends are easier when you're seven." Meredith mused and noticed Arizona walking towards them. "I'm going to go find Jackson."
"They were best friends before Callie moved to New York." Arizona said as she stopped next to him once Meredith was off walking down the hall, watching the two girls get reacquainted.
"They look like best friends now."
"She looks hot," Arizona said, "Meredith. Always hot but that's look good for my boyfriend hot."
"You're right. She always looks hot."
Arizona narrowed her eyes slightly, "You're dodging me."
Nathan looked over at the kids and thought better of saying anything else.
"They can't hear us," she dismissed, "have you guys not had the conversation?"
"We're not having it."
"Why not?"
"Because it doesn't matter."
"Is this about Derek? She asked, leaning in just slightly "I know that he did so much for that girl but you can't let that get in the way. We all have to move on eventually. Didn't you lose someone? I remember Hunt punching you and the gossip running while you two were together. That was interesting."
Nathan smiled while shaking his head. If nothing else she was amusing. "We're spending time together."
"You look at her with heart eyes every time she walks by. I know that look. I've had that look. It's like every time Jackson walks past April and he thinks none of us are watching."
"Are you comparing us to a divorced couple?"
"Just because you get divorced doesn't mean you stop loving the other person."
Nathan knew they had moved on from Meredith and April all together. "Torres?"
"What? No. We're...it's fine. She has Penny and I have my cute daughter to occupy my holiday. This isn't about me. It's about you and Meredith being together and a couple. I've seen her at her best and her worst. She's happier than when Derek died. Maybe it's time. Maybe it's you. Either way, don't let that girl escape. Like I said, she's hot."
"Thank you, Robbins." The words were a little more on the sarcastic side, though he did take them into consideration. They were together, there was no one else, but he didn't want her to be freaked out by blasting it all over the hospital. Slow was good. Necessary, almost.
"I'm your wing woman." She announced proudly.
"I don't think it works if you're already...with a girl."
"So, what are you two doing tonight?" Arizona perked up, smile wide and eyes just ready for details.
"Goodnight, Robbins."
"Have fun on your sex date." She whispered once she saw Meredith returning. "You owe me a drink and we can talk about your date. Not too many details."
Nathan just laughed while Meredith looked between the two of them.
"Oh, you both owe me one." She informed as she walked towards Zola and Sofia. "All right, ladies. Say goodbye to your mama, Zola."
Zola ran back and gave Meredith a hug. "Goodnight, Mommy."
"You be good for Arizona okay. Promise?" Meredith gave her a look that could only be described as full on mom.
"Promise." She smiled brightly and let Meredith give her a kiss on the forehead before running back over and grabbing Sofia's hand.
"They hold hands. It's cute." Nathan said while going back to finishing his paperwork. "Five minutes."
"You know we have interns for this, right?"
"Hunt stole mine. Some workshop. Plus, they always gets details mixed up."
"Is it the pigs?"
"The pigs?"
"Cristina told me about it. Stabbed a whole bunch of pigs and you had to save their lives. He was big on the trauma, glue people, stape people thing when he first got here. I never did it."
"What did you do?"
"I was on an inoperable tumor. Saved this girl's life. I had this...this anatomy Jane doll," Meredith smiled, chuckling to herself, "Richard was so mad at me for that damn doll. Before we moved to Boston I would wander these halls and I always had that doll. Then I found a whole bunch of my mother's medical journals."
"Do you keep journals?"
"I probably should so when I get Alzheimer's in ten years I have something to remember."
"You're not getting Alzheimer's."
"I could."
"I think you've filled your quota of terrible things."
"We'll only have a few good years."
"Then," he said, putting the tablet down and focusing on Meredith, "we have a few good years and we make the most of them."
"Does this mean you're done doing paperwork?"
"You're impatient." He scolded but couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"Right now, yes."
Nathan hit save and decided he could finish it later. "All done. You should give me a kiss for all my hard work."
"Go change and I'll think about it."
He grabbed the tablet, stealing a kiss from her anyway. "Scrubs don't turn you on?"
"Not when I look this hot."
"You do look hot. I like the hair." Nathan couldn't help himself by taking one of her curls and twirling it around his finger.
She shoved him off. "Go."
"Eager."
"No sex for you."
Hardly a threat he thought meant anything. "You can't resist me."
"I can and I will if you don't go change."
Nathan put his hands up in surrender as he backed away from her to go change. "I'll be right back."
"What are we doing here?" Meredith asked as walked along the Pier.
"It's called a date. You and me. No kids. No work. No sisters. No friends butting in. Just you and me at the pier when it's freezing outside and enjoying ourselves. You look to hot to keep in my apartment all night, even if I'm thinking about fifty different dirty things I want to do you."
Meredith smiled over at him. "You owe me a proper date."
"I'll give you a proper date. Today we're just going to be out here."
When she grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers he knew she approved. It really felt like the road had been long to get there. In the beginning, once she turned him down in the elevator, he didn't think he had a chance with her. The car changed everything while still putting up roadblocks. But it was near Christmas and they were walking hand in hand down the Pier, looking like any other normal couple just out and enjoying themselves. It was perfect.
He didn't really bother to explore much of Seattle when he got there and it was so different from when he was a kid. He'd been a few times with Megan but they didn't do much getting out. It was where she was from and their time was usually short lived before they ended up going back. It was usually casual and spending a good amount of time with her mother. Megan wasn't anyone he wanted to think about, not when he was with Meredith, forming a new life for himself. One where he wouldn't screw everything up. He wouldn't do any of that to Meredith .
The duo found themselves down at the ferris wheel, taking a seat within as the moon was high in the sky.
Meredith didn't go of his hand, only managed to keep her grip on him, leaning her body against him entirely, making them as close as they could. It was felt good, normal. She was quiet but the silence that was between them wasn't awkward. It felt right, it felt good, as if the two were finding peace and how to be with each other. He gave her a kiss on the side of her head and Meredith ended up placing her free hand on top of their joined ones...as connected as they could be.
"You two look happy." The elderly lady who sat across from them said. "Sorry, I shouldn't interrupt."
"Leave them alone, Gale."
"No, it's okay." Nathan smiled.
Meredith smiled at them. "How long have you two been married?"
"Fifty two years."
"And still in love." Nathan sounded impressed.
"Still in love." The man confirmed.
"You two?"
"I asked her out when I first got to Seattle but she turned me down. Well over a year ago."
Meredith rolled her eyes. "He asked me out in an elevator."
"If I didn't wouldn't you have said yes?"
"No."
"Exactly." Nathan looked back over at them, pulling his gaze away from Meredith who stole it. "Her brother in law was once my brother in law. We weren't on the best terms."
"You were a jerk."
"But she couldn't stay away."
Meredith rolled her eyes again. "Don't flatter yourself."
"Too late."
"You two will have a long life." Gale told them
"How do you know that?" Meredith asked, as genuine as ever.
"I know these things, dear."
Meredith didn't say anything else and the elderly couple looked out at the view, linking arms. Her head rested on her husband's shoulder. Something he thought was sweet, pure almost. Something you see in the movies but not in real life. Nathan wondered what it would be like to have that and to be that happy. He was happy as he sat there with Meredith, she didn't move from his grasp, and he didn't want her to. They were still so very new in their relationship and would have a million and one hurdles to face. He couldn't really help the way his mind traveled down a road in which things were on the edge of breaking them apart. Or maybe Gale was right and it would work out.
They remained quiet and as they looped around in the Seattle night he couldn't help but hope it just lasted like that forever. Naive. They had lives they had to go back to. It was one night. Just them. They just had to make the most of it.
When the wheel came to a stop they allowed the old couple to leave first before Meredith stood and didn't let go of his hand. The Pier was crowded and it was cold, but they continued to walk near aimlessly. He didn't ever think there was a time she was so quiet. Even in her car they made small talk and learned a little bit about one another.
Each time he glanced over at her she was looking at him, not even trying to pretend she wasn't. He would always smile and look straight ahead, until he just couldn't take not knowing what was on her mind. "What are you thinking about?"
"That old couple."
"Is this the part where you freak out because some old couple think we'll be together fifty years and that scares you?"
"No." Meredith glanced over at him, again. "I don't think you'd last that long."
"I believe I would."
"Derek didn't." Meredith said quietly.
"Derek died."
"Before that, he got tired of Addison. He got tired of me." Meredith swallowed and pulled her gaze away from him.
"If that's true he's a damn idiot." Nathan came to a stop and moved so he was standing in front of her. "When I first saw you I just thought "I have to know her." You're hot, Meredith. Put up with all the bullshit, fuck you in your car, barely think straight when you're in the same room hot. But you're a good doctor and a good mother. A good sister. A good friend. Your attitude is…." Nathan smiled, "Maybe we will last 50 years. Maybe we won't. We have right now and I really hope you don't bolt because some little old lady talked to us."
Meredith looked up at him but didn't say anything for a few passing breaths. "I have to at least get laid first."
"That's the spirit."
As they resumed walking all he could think was how unsurprising it was Meredith was the way Meredith was when she opened herself up to him more. She lived quite a life and had all kinds of people around her. April had mentioned her exactly once when they were in Jordan. At the time the name meant nothing. It wasn't until he met her did he think about it. Thought about how she told him that Jackson thought she was running away, but that's what Meredith did when her husband died. He didn't judge the faceless Meredith, nor did he judge April for it. Not when he spent years in the Middle East doing everything and anything he could just to avoid his own demons. It was just easier to run sometimes.
He was done running and Meredith seemed done running, too.
Or that was the plan until he tugged Meredith rather harshly into an alleyway behind a restaurant, pushing Meredith so her back was against the wall, and he was doing his best to act as if neither of them were either there. Probably made more of a scene than if they just continued walking.
"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him clearly confused.
"I saw a girl I never called back."
"Which one?" Meredith asked while trying to peer around the corner.
"The blonde."
"That's not the body part I'd use to describe her."
Yeah, it certainly wasn't her hair many people noticed.
"Nathan, you dragged me in a corner to avoid her."
"Have you ever done that?"
Meredith's guilty look said it all.
"I had just gotten to Seattle. Before I met you. You try listened to Keps talk about God and her marriage." It was a lot sometimes. "Then I met you and the blonde one night stand didn't seem that important anymore."
"I don't know how you lasted so long with April."
"We don't always see eye to eye."
"She's pretty."
Nathan looked puzzled. "Keps?"
"The blonde."
"Not the girl I'm interested in."
Meredith raised her eyebrow at him. "You were interested in her enough that night."
"Weren't you dating that guy?"
"It wasn't dating. It was...three dates and we had sex before I was ready."
"After you met me."
"I hated you." She defended instantly.
"So you keep saying but you're the one that keeps jumping me."
"I don't hate you now."
"When did you stop hating me?"
"I don't know." Meredith shrugged and didn't elaborate.
Nathan smirked, almost as if out of nowhere, his hand finding itself between her legs. They probably could have left and found their way back to his place, but he had a much better idea in mind. Instead his palm rubbed against her through her jeans while his eyes were locked on her while he waited to see her reaction. "Before the sex? After the sex?"
"Before...slightly," she breathed, biting down on her lip, "and then Owen told me about the cheating."
"You still slept with me."
"I was having a bad day."
Nathan did spend a decent amount of time after their night in her car wondering just when the tide had turned. Meredith was complicated and found it quite difficult to know what she was thinking. Other times he could read her like a book. As they stood there however, there was very little thinking and he was just acting, carefully sliding his hands into her jeans, beneath her panties, finding the wetness there and waiting for him.
"We're going to get arrested for indecent exposure." Meredith whispered while making no effort to stop him.
"Do you want me to stop?"
She paused. "No."
"Be quiet." He whispered as his fingers were covered in her. He liked her like that, at his mercy almost. They'd only been together a handful of times but he quickly learned what made her tick and what didn't. Being in public did, slowly teasing her did, and he was happy to do both.
Her breath hitched as he teased her. "Easy for you to say."
"Once is having a bad day and needing to release tension. Not four times." Her clit became the object of his attention, slowly circling, watching as she tried to hold herself back.
Her hand gripped his free arm, bracing herself against the wall. "You're proud of yourself."
"I am."
"It felt good. I'm not ashamed of it."
"You're not ashamed of anything." He loved that about her. She took what she wanted and she didn't care. She didn't think twice. She wasn't some bottled up mom afraid of sex. She relished in it. He kept his eyes on hers as slipped a finger inside her.
She gasped. "Does that bother you?"
"No."
"Good."
A second finger joined him, curling them inside of her, using the heel of his palm to rub against her. She shut her eyes and got lost in the pleasure. "Look at me."
Meredith gasped and bit down on her lip, hardly opening her eyes back up.
"Look at me or I'll stop." That got her to look at him. He worked his fingers faster, gripping her hip with his hand to keep her steady. He knew what she wanted and was even willing to give it to her. Just not yet. He wanted her to ask for it, to all but make him give her what she wanted. He had no problem in moving his fingers quickly only to slow them down to an almost still pace. No problem in exploring her in ways that would probably be better if she had no pants on at all. Later, he made a mental note.
"Nathan." She whined, trying her hardest to get more from her using her hips.
"Yes?"
"Come on."
"Use your words, Meredith." He whispered, licking his lips as he had his eyes locked on her. She looked good like that. Raw. Like the night in the car. They were barely on speaking terms and she felt so real then, just as she did before him.
"I need this. Will you just. Hurry. Up." She bit the words at him as her fingers dug into his arm, growing more frustrated as the seconds passed them by.
"Sorry, I don't understand." His movements were slow, hardly giving much, and keeping her steady meant she could only move herself so much. Nathan couldn't deny how much he liked it or how much he liked the flushed look that was finding her. How she was trying to boss him around but she was at a loss for words. The power she held at all times was a turn on, but something about just having her there at his mercy was another kind of turn on.
"If you don't let me come I'm not touching you."
"I vaguely remember you saying something like that before." Nathan leaned in so his lips were by her ear, slowly picking up the pace of his fingers. He'd all but lost the reality of where they were or how easily the two of them could get caught. He didn't care and she didn't seem to either. "It was in your car and you said, what was it, "fuck me or get out." Remind me how that ended?"
"I hate you."
"You rode me like your life depended on it and I had to put my hand over your mouth to keep you from screaming."
"I really, really hate you."
"I'm pretty sure you said that, too." Now Nathan was just having fun with her. "Right before you bit my shoulder...during orgasm number three?"
"Your arrogance isn't a turn on." Her hand moved from one arm to the other, forcing him to move faster, harder, anything. Her ability to keep her moans quiet was nonexistent, growing louder, her breathing heavier.
"I can stop."
"If you stop I will kick you in the balls, I swear."
"Fesity."
Meredith arched her body towards him, spreading her legs as far as her jeans would allow her, which wasn't very far at all. He'd let go of her hip, letting her move, watching with a desire of his own as she rode his fingers in the darkened alley.
"Come for me, Meredith." He whispered as his put a harder pressure on her clit and waited for the orgasm to overtake her. It did, near instantly, Meredith's grip on him tightening, her moan louder and causing him to silence her instantly with a kiss. Public was fun but not all that fun if they were to get caught.
"You're ridiculous." Meredith panted as she tried her best to catch her breath.
Nathan smiled against her lips. "I just gave you an orgasm."
She patted his chest. "Yeah, thanks." Her kiss was quick as she made her way from around him, moving from the darkened alley. "I'm starving and we need wine."
Nathan fished for wine glasses he knew he kept somewhere while Meredith was in the living room calling Zola to say goodnight. He never used wine glasses. Never really drank wine. Only even bought the wine glasses because he thought he should have a set. Turned out his instinct was right. Finally, he managed to find them and set them down on the island in his kitchen. Meredith was still on the phone when his eyes found her and it made him smile. She really was a good mom and he could see just how much she loved her children.
Next on his mission was to find a bottle opener. He knew he had one but once again it was just the mystery of where he kept it. Three drawers later and a mental note to organize things better, one he wouldn't follow, he did find it and turned around to see Meredith tossing her phone on the couch and walking from the living room over to him. He couldn't help himself as he allowed his gaze to follow the lines of her body. Half a mind to not care about the mission to open the bottle of wine she bought.
"So what do you do?" Meredith asked, pulling him from his thoughts, as she sat on the island in his kitchen right next to the bottle of wine.
"When?" Nathan asked looking over at her.
"When you're not working or with me."
"Sleep. Eat. Look over cases. Work out." It was a relatively simple question but one he still struggled to answer as he opened the wine.
"Oh, yeah, I can tell." She smirked at him. "Your arms are and your ass is nice, too."
"Complimenting me of your own free will?"
"Least I can do for the orgasm. Girl's gotta get more of those."
"Robbins and I go out sometimes. By go out I mean she drags me out and we decided which girls are hot. So basically any girl with dark hair seems to be it." He handed her a glass of wine. "It's interesting watching her. She's either super confident or asking my opinion a million times."
"Do you have a type?"
"Not really." Megan and Meredith didn't look the same and their personalities weren't the same either. Nothing was the same about them, not really. Headstrong, he supposed, but half the hospital was filled with the same type. "Megan was more like a Keps, Robbins, and Shepherd hybrid. You're not like her. You're not as intense. Do you have a type?"
"Arrogant." Meredith let out a soft laugh as she drank the wine. "Only when you want to be though. Derek was Derek and you're not Derek. I don't want you to be either."
Nathan didn't say anything and just sipped the wine. He usually had questions but didn't bother to ask them. Sometimes the Megan and Derek conversation was a lot, and he didn't want their night to be something else. He wanted it to be theirs and not haunted by ghosts that would never actually go away. "I never use these."
"I usually go for tequila but I thought we'd pretend to be sophisticated."
"Sophisticated when we've never had sex in a bed."
"I did say pretend."
Nathan just laughed and offered his hand out to her, which she took, and he tugged her off of the counter. They walked over to the couch and he sat down, Meredith taking a seat next to him, leaving little space between them.
"How close were you and Owen?" Meredith questioned in her usual way that was more her demanding to know than her actually asking.
"He was my brother." It was really that simple. "You know how it is med school and growing up. You're barely sleeping, eating, and you're really not making friends with most people you don't already know. You're just going and learning and doing absolutely everything you can in order to become this doctor you've dreamed of. Owen and I had fun through all that. There was no one I trusted more with my life, so when the Army came along. We were doing it together." Nathan sighed, not looking at her but focusing on his wine glass. "You had someone like that?"
"Yeah, we don't talk anymore."
"When you're out there...you either break or you grow stronger. Not just with relationships with yourself. Not everyone is cut out for that life. Owen was...I was...before...before it all fell apart. It's war. It's bomb dropping, guns blazing, people dying war." Nathan downed the entirety of his wine and placed the glass on the table. "There are some days you just don't want to be there, you don't want to be anywhere. When you see your friends in body bags and others are begging for the end. They want to go home. Some go back in the field, others go to Germany. You got kids who are collateral damage, begging for their parents who are dead, because some idiot person thinks they are a martyr blow up everything. It's good work. I will never regret a moment of my time out there. In war and out of war, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't sit with you. It just does." He felt Meredith run her fingers through his hair, his voice growing softer as he continued on. "And losing Megan...it's a lot. I don't really blame Owen for hating me. I don't blame you."
"Nathan..."
He knew this night was taking a turn he didn't want it to take. "I won't do that to you. I just need you to know that. I've paid a price. You know what it's like to lose that, but the guilt...The guilt is a lot sometimes. All the time." Meredith put her glass of wine on the table and grabbed his hand. "It should have been me. Sometimes I think that, do you ever think that? It would just be easier on everyone."
"Before the kids I had some moments where...luck kept me alive."
Luck. Nathan didn't really know whether or not he believed in luck. For as much pain as he was in more often than not being alive didn't really make him feel lucky. He tried not to dwell. He really tried to do his best, especially in the moments Meredith was there. She was a light in his never ending darkness and even having her own darkness, it didn't feel like they were drowning. It felt like they were living, trying, at least. Trying to live the lives they had left. That was all they could do. They could live their lives and try to move forward. Megan and Derek would always be there but it was just different. Being there with her on his couch was different. Not without it's troubles, not without hurting people they shouldn't have hurt. They knew better. They always did and maybe they were destined to always make some mistakes. That seemed a cop out, an excuse when there shouldn't have been made for their own gain. "We really hurt Maggie."
"We did."
"We need to make that right. Actually make it right. She didn't deserve that."
"We will." Meredith promised. "We didn't grow up together. My mother gave her up for adoption. She never recovered from Richard leaving her. It was...sometimes I feel like I owe it to her and Amelia to be there for her. She's my sister. My mother loved Richard more than she ever loved Thatcher, and I...I didn't let her say goodbye. Amelia. I let them unplug Derek without letting her know." Meredith looked down while playing with his hand. "She'll never forgive me for that and I really wish I was more sorry for that. I need to support her, I need to be her sister. I can't choose Owen. I can't choose you. I...did choose you and I don't want anything else. Sometimes it's so much of a mess I wouldn't be surprised if she never looked at me again."
"She'll forgive you. Amelia might not. Owen won't truly forgive me. But Maggie loves you. You love her. Obligation or not the care you have for your sister, the way you spoke about Lexie...I know you're a good person, Meredith. I just do. A good person, a good mother, a good sister." He never felt like more true words were uttered.
"You have to promise me one thing, Nathan."
"What?"
"That it won't be that. That you're not going to call me a whore when you're mad. That you're not going to use anything I tell you against me when you don't like the decisions I make. I loved Derek so much it almost killed me more than once and I can't do that again. I need this to be different."
"I promise. We had that all consuming love and this is different. I promise."
Meredith moved to straddle him, cupping his face with her hands, her look far more serious than before. "Promise me you won't die because I'm going to do this...you can't die. I can't have more people die. I'm cursed and I'm sure the universe is already plotting your death. I need a long break from funerals and if I'm going to love you one day you need to stay, here, alive with me."
"I won't die. I survived a war."
"I'm serious."
"I'm serious, too." He looked up at Meredith and cupped her face. "I'm in this. Whatever this is, whatever it turns out to be, whatever our story is...it's us, okay. It's ours. It's not just sex. It's more than sex. I am not dying."
Meredith kissed him without saying anything else. It was slow, soft, different from their other kisses, filled with a need that hadn't been there before. "I need you." Her voice was barely audible as she blinked back the vulnerability.
Nathan knew the need she had within her. He leaned up and kissed her, deeper, his hands working to pull off her shirt as she tugged off his own in return. They were always in a hurry. They were always moving so fast and they never got to be slow, to enjoy it, for him to enjoy her, her to enjoy him, to learn, to explore. She stood up and he watched intently as she pulled the rest of her clothes of. Nathan wasted no time in tugging off his own pants before pulling her back into his lap.
When he first laid eyes on her he was taken by her and there as she wore nothing while on his lap it continued. He wanted every inch of her. His hands ran along her chest and stomach. Her body told a story. She had scars and stories. She had kids. Still, looking at her, touching her, it only proved to ignite something inside of him.
Her hand wrapped around him and he couldn't hold back the moan that came from him. Her hand felt good against him, a small relief he'd been wanting for the past week while she was stuck in the chaos and dealing with her dead father. Selfish almost, thinking about that while she was lost in her mess. It was hard to care then, when she leaned over and kissed her, when his hands ran along her breasts and she pushed her chest against him.
Meredith wasted no more time in sinking herself down on him.
Nathan wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Skin to skin. It was nice, calm, quiet. The sounds of them moving together filled his ears and he kissed along her jawline and down to her neck. Just the two of them. Together. No doubt their conversations both brought up things neither of them would like to think about or talk about. He minded less that it was with her, less that she was holding onto him as tightly as he was holding onto her, losing themselves in something that didn't need words.
She moved slow, steady, and it felt good. Desperate and fast felt good but he felt closer to her then. Like they were Meredith and Nathan in ways no one got to see them. Just together. He longed for a moment like this where they didn't need to worry.
Meredith rested her forehead against his and he looked into her eyes. He slipped his hand between them, finding her clit, slowly rubbing circles. Both of their breaths only got heavier, everything about them falling into sync with one another. It was a lot. No other way he could describe it...as if they hit something different where neither of them were setting out for.
The mix of pleasure and connection caught up with them before either of them were ready to let go. Her mouth opened as she let it overtake her and he just watched her with a newfound intoxication. Her orgasm took her by storm and he wasn't far behind or far different, allowing himself to release inside of her.
"Hi."
"Hi." She whispered as she caught her breathed and pulled herself off on him but not moving from his hold.
"You're making a mess all over me."
"You made a mess in me."
Nathan smiled. "You like it."
"I do." Meredith breathed and kissed him, unable to keep herself from doing so more than a few moments.
"I'm not used to no interruptions with you."
"Well, don't get used to it now."
"I know who comes first, but while you're here I'm making the most of it.'
"Good." She kissed him again, leaning her weight into him. "What did you think when I kissed you in the parking lot?"
"That you were going to regret, which was I said it could make things complicated."
"It did."
"I know. I was there."
"You got under my skin real quick." She admitted, running her fingers along his chest.
"I could tell."
"I didn't want this."
"I didn't want this either."
"You came into my life and messed it all up." She ran her hands through his hair. "And now I'm not willing to let you go."
"I'm not going anywhere."
When Nathan's eyes opened he wondered why he was dumb enough to leave the light on. It felt bright and he still felt tired, instinctively knowing only a few hours passed him by. Meredith's body was heavy against his own. It felt good she felt good, all tangled up in him, but he was too aware he didn't get enough sleep. When he did manage to gain some sense of just where they were he looked down and saw the way she was looking up at him.
"How long have you been awake?"
"A few minutes."
"And you're just watching me sleep?"
"I was hoping if I stared long enough you would just wake up...and it worked." Meredith moved to sit up, finding herself just right on top of him. "I don't sleep and I'm not about to start now."
"Dragging me down with you?" Nathan was awake by then, finding he was never very good at falling back asleep anyway. Another word wasn't uttered when he simply put his arm around Meredith and pushed them both up from the couch.
"Put me down." The three words came with a laugh, her legs wrapping around him.
"No."
"Where are we going?"
"The shower. You're sticky. I'm sticky. And it should be a rule when you're here you're not allowed to wear clothes."
"I can follow that rule."
Nathan set her down on the counter and admired the way she looked. Always caught himself staring at her, in both appropriate and inappropriate all in one. That no clothes rule was definitely going to have to be kept in place.
"Am I not allowed to walk anywhere anymore?"
"You can walk." Nathan turned on the water, waiting for it to get hot. "I would think I'm doing a better job if you couldn't walk though."
"You're ridiculous."
"And you're still here."
"I can leave." She hopped off of the counter and made her way, way too slowly, to the door.
Nathan grabbed her arm. "But you won't."
"You're right. I won't."
Nathan tugged her into the shower with him. The water was hot as it rained down both of them, Nathan looking down at her.
"What?" Meredith asked.
"Nothing."
"You're looking at me like you have something to say."
"I don't." Nathan kissed her slowly. "I like being around you."
Meredith just looked up at him a bit puzzled. "You're weird sometimes."
"And you're still here."
"The universe made it that way."
"Do you believe in fate, Meredith?"
"No, I don't know. Maybe." Meredith shrugged. "Did fate kill Megan? Derek? Led us here? That seems complicated."
"Life is complicated."
"Let's uncomplicate it." Meredith suggested and closed her eyes as she stood under the stream of water. "You're not complicated. We don't need to find the secret to life here."
"We don't." Nathan agreed, "Plus I like focusing on the hot naked girl in my shower."
"Hands off. You brought us here and we're actually going to shower."
"Boring." Not that he bothered to counter her on it and instead found himself handing her a towel once they were both done and had successfully used up plenty of hot water.
"We never actually do anything in your bed." Meredith pointed out as she walked from the bathroom to his bed, dropping her towel in the process.
"Beds are overrated."
"Comfortable though." Meredith flopped back against the bed. "Very comfortable."
Nathan laid down next to her and glanced over at her. "Weren't you just on about not sleeping?"
"Maybe I'm just getting too old for the couch."
Nathan chuckled at that. "I've seen you the way twist and turn your body. Nothing about you is old."
Meredith rolled so that she was half on top of Nathan resting her head on her chest. "You're not exactly old either."
"I have managed to keep up with you."
"If you can chase three kids around all day I might be more impressed."
"Stamina exists in every part of my life." Nathan commented and vaguely thought about just what that kind of day was like and occasionally how she did it. When he glanced down at Meredith her eyes were shut and he carefully maneuvered them both to pull the blanket over them both.
He fell asleep for a few passing hours until his phone was buzzing so many times he couldn't bring himself to ignore it anymore. Meredith was all tangled up in him. Her arm draped over his chest, legs mixed with his, and his arm was trapped somewhere underneath her. He liked it.
At least when he didn't have to get his phone without waking Meredith up. He did his best to remain quiet as he scrolled through the messages and saw the picture from Hunt on the scan.
"You're not as quiet as you think you are." Meredith mumbled.
"Look at this tumor, Meredith." By then he was far more awake than she was, turning the phone so she could see. "It's a monster."
"You're blinding me with your phone light." Meredith looked at it, blinking a few times before focusing on the screen. "It's huge. How did it get that big?"
"Do you wanna go see it?"
"You want to go see it." Meredith detached herself from him. "Always here to see a tumor."
They walked through the walls of the quiet hospital. The sun wasn't up yet and really, neither of them should have been up either or at the very least not out of his bed. The tumor was something interesting and nothing he'd seen in awhile. Most of his surgeries were routine and he didn't want to say boring but...habitual could border on the edge of boring.
"Did I interrupt your night?" Owen asked once they both were in the room.
"Surgeons never stop." Meredith dismissed.
Nathan looked at the scans and was immediately taken by the complexity of the tumor. Made him think that getting out of bed and putting on actual clothes, both of them, was actually worth it.
"Has it spread?" Nathan asked.
"No, just right there."
"Are we operating or?" Nathan asked
Owen looked over at him. "What?"
"It needs to be taken out. Come on, Hunt. You can sulk over Shepherd later."
"Go." Meredith said when he looked over to her. "I'll go find a surgery of my own."
Nathan smiled and gave her a kiss. "I'll find you when we're done."
Nathan and Owen walked down the hospital halls while he took the tablet in his hand and looked more thoroughly at the scans. Part of it felt very...old, as if they had been there before. They had. A long time ago when it was them in Iraq but then again tablets and perfectly functional equipment were few and far between.
"You and Meredith. That going...well?" Owen asked to break the silence.
"Yeah, it's good." Nathan answered absently still almost entirely focused on the tablet.
"You seem happy."
"Shepherd will come around. You are married. You don't run out on that over whatever it is you're fighting about."
"I don't know."
"What happened to your first marriage?" Nathan asked as he tried to find some scrubs to change into.
"We just didn't want the same things." Owen took a seat. "She didn't want kids and I do."
"You and Shepherd want the same things? Kids? You said you were trying."
"We do. I thought we did. I'm not sure."
"You'll figure it out." Nathan knew he was being optimistic and happy. Before he didn't really think they would last, but telling Owen that there was not going to make them friendly. Surely the odds of him and Meredith lasting was not going really running in his favor.
The surgery went smooth. He and Owen continued to partake in small talk. Things were definitely better between the two of them while still being awkward. He was half waiting for Owen to suddenly change his mind about him and revert back to how he was when he first saw him. Until then he was just going to take it as it came.
"Did you sneak a surgery?" Nathan asked Meredith when he spotted her walking down the hall in her scrubs.
Meredith smiled. "You dragged us there."
"Dragged?"
"Dragged." Meredith nodded and looked up at him. "It's not my fault there was waiting to be done."
"How long until you have to get the kids?"
"I got a few hours."
Nathan grabbed her hand as they walked down the hall. "Let me buy you breakfast. Make up for you being dragged here and forced to do those dreadful surgeries I know you hate so much."
Nathan was happy. It was almost an odd feeling really, the ability to be happy with someone and not have to feel like there was a front being put forward. Meredith made him that way and judging by the way Meredith acted around him she was happy. It was good. They were good. Something he never thought that he would be with someone else again.
He offered to take the Christmas shift partially so that he could get into Maggie's good graces and partially about of habit. It's what he did. Rarely did he take time off and while he and Meredith were in a good place, it was fast. Too fast. Not that he was alone.
The residents were there to get more hours in when injuries were high. People really did manage to injure themselves in the stupidest ways around the holiday. Owen was around too, mostly just keeping to himself and doing the work. He could tell that being away from Amelia hurt him and he took no joy in that, but not like he knew where Shepherd was anyway.
"You'll never guess what happened." Meredith whispered through the phone.
"They have this greeting. It's called hello. Might want to use it sometime." Nathan swore he could hear her eyes roll on the other side.
"Hello, Nathan." She emphasized. "Now guess, come on."
"You called to give me dirty phone sex."
"Not tonight." She paused. "Amelia is here. In my house. She just showed up at the front door and told me she needed a place to stay for a while. She did that before and then she disappeared."
"Shepherd's there?" That was definitely a surprise.
"You're not supposed to tell Owen."
"He's sulking around the hospital."
"My secrets are your secrets." She said in a matter of fact tone.
"Does that mean my secrets are your secrets?"
"Do you have any secrets?" Meredith was genuinely curious.
"No. If I did I probably wouldn't share them with you."
"Why not?"
"You share everything."
"I like to think of it being a public service."
Nathan laughed. "I don't think the whole hospital needs to know everything."
"I don't share everything. I don't share what we do."
"Not even with Alex?"
"He doesn't really like to know details."
"My work goes unappreciated." Not that he really had any interest in anyone knowing. He liked it being theirs.
"Then you'll just have to change that."
"Raincheck?" He asked when a resident was flagging him down. "Patient."
"Raincheck."
"I hope I didn't ruin time with your kid." Nathan was in the scrub room opening a fresh bar of soap as he got ready for the surgery before them.
"Callie came and got her this morning." Arizona smiled. "We got to spend a week together it was good."
"Good." Nathan smiled at her as he walked into the operating room.
"How are things with you and Meredith?" Arizona questioned when she was standing the opposite side of the table.
"Good."
"Your sex date?"
Nathan had to know Arizona was going to go there, even as they were about to do surgery. "You and Minnick?"
"What?"
"I heard her ask you for a drink."
"We're not… " Arizona focused on the patient, staying quiet for a few minute minutes. "She's the enemy."
"I was the enemy."
"I cheated on Callie." She blurted and looked up at him for a brief moment.
"Oh." Nathan had to admit he didn't really know what to say and let the silence hang between them. "I cheated on my fiance. She died. I get it." At least Callie wasn't dead. She had that much going for him. "It's just a drink."
"She's annoying. She acts like she owns the place. It's...unflattering and she's sexy. Could be sexy if not for that. I said yes to the drink, but I don't know that I'll go."
"You like her." Nathan pointed out. "Worse case you go out for a drink and still hate her or you find someone new."
"Is that what happened with you and Meredith?"
Nathan smiled behind his mask. "We skipped a few steps."
"Sex dates."
Not the most accurate thing in the world but he liked knowing what happened, just him. "Gotta start somewhere."
"You and me. We're getting a drink after this."
"Do I get a say?"
"No. You don't."
They finished the surgery, which turned out to be a success, even when it went south for a minute before they ended up in a bar. It was a mix of interesting people as they sat at the table and Nathan drank the one whiskey he was going to have.
"Will you just text Minnick already? It's a little sad watching you try and decide."
"Webber is a way better wingman than you."
"You can call him."
Arizona gave him a look. "I'm having a drink with the girl who took your job. Want to hang out?"
"Well, I wouldn't word it like that."
"Okay, I texted her." Arizona set her phone down and took a long sip of her drink.
"So, you think she's decent? Minnick?"
"I don't know." Arizona answered. "I don't like her work approach but she got something going on."
Nathan couldn't help but be amused. He didn't really care for Minnick much. Actively dodged her a few times and might have lied on the OR board about certain surgery times. She was doing her job but he didn't like the way she was doing her job. He was a pro at listening to orders handed down but the way she did it make him not want to listen. So he didn't, but with his newish friendship with Arizona it seemed different. Meredith hated him for a long time and sometimes he wasn't fond of her, but he couldn't imagine things being different for them.
"Your something going on is here." Nathan said as he stood and put his jacket back on. "And I'm leaving before my girl takes matters into her own hands."
"Dr. Riggs." Eliza greeted and focused on Arizona.
"Minnick." Nathan greeted politely before tossing some money on the table. "Here, have a round on me."
"You called her 'your girl'." Arizona pointed out and couldn't help the smile.
"This is a slippery slope and I'm leaving now." Nathan smiled and only looked back briefly at them sitting at the table before he exited. Whatever he thought about Minnick, Arizona getting to smile at someone with something she was interested in was what spared any and all jugement.
"You interrupted my drink with Arizona." Nathan greeted as he got out of the car in front of Meredith's house, where she stood out there. He was pretty surprised when she told him to come over but didn't question it. Their little steps forward were nice.
"Would you rather hang out with Arizona?"
"No." He really, really didn't. "Is this a booty call or a stop you from murdering your sisters call?"
"Both." Meredith hooked her fingers in the belt loops of his jeans tugging him closer. "Amelia is talking but not talking. Alex is grumpy about Jo. Maggie is sulking about something."
"Are you drunk?" Nathan couldn't help but smile. Her whole demeanor was looser and the scent on her breath.
"I'm not drunk." She shook her head. "A little. The kids are in bed...all six of them."
"Yeah?" Nathan whispered, biting down on his lip as he leaned in closer to her. "We should make the most of it."
"We should. Do you know what I really want to do?"
"What?"
"Blow you."
Not the words he was expecting to hear but with the little smile on his face it proved he enjoyed the thought as much as she so clearly did. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Get on your knees like a good girl and just blow me." Nathan whispered as he brushed his thumb along her lower lip. "Is that what you've been thinking about all night?"
"Not just that. Are you gonna let me?"
"On your porch?"
"Maybe not on the porch." Meredith pulled her fingers from his pant loops and grabbed his hand, tugging him in through the front door.
"I was wondering where you went." Amelia spoke from where she was in a mess of blankets and pillows on the couch. "You brought a boy home."
"Shepherd." Nathan greeted but it was short lived as Meredith pulled him up the stairs and down the hall to the last room on the left. "I never made it this far before."
"You can go home if you want." The words came as she locked her bedroom door.
"You're holding me prisoner."
"Yeah, I am." She smirked then and found any distance that was once between them gone. She sunk down to her knees without thinking twice about it. "I don't need to be drunk to do this. I like doing this. I didn't think you'd actually come over."
"Robbins wanted to have a drink with Minnick." Nathan watched her carefully, unmoving, as he braced himself back against the wall. A bed just a few feet from them and he didn't really think of moving anywhere else. Just watched her.
Meredith unbutton his jeans and tugged him free from them. The thought and the sight had aided in getting him harder. Not enough but more than he arrived with. They covered a lot of territory in their short time together but he hadn't been privy to Meredith on her knees with that look on her face he couldn't even think of how to describe. It was a lot and when she slowly started stroking him it was nearly impossible to keep himself quiet.
She decided her house was off limits and he was completely fine with it. They had his place, the hospital, and their love for public spaces. Occasionally his mind wondered what her room looked like, but even as he stood there he didn't bother to look around. Only focused on Meredith. Her eyes were bright as her lips parted ever so slightly. She looked a damn dream like that.
"It's only been a few days and I keep thinking about you...this." Meredith licked her lips as she glanced up at him.
"Tell me."
"Tomorrow at work. I was going to drag you into the nearest room and drop to my knees so I could feel your cock in my mouth."
Her breath was hot on his tip as he found her actions and general being driving him to being hard in her hand. He bit down harsher on his lip to keep quiet, to not blow the moment, whatever it was turning into. "Now you don't have to wait."
"I don't, do I?" She didn't draw him into her mouth completely. Rather she used her tongue to lick along his shaft, swirling around the tip, teasing him slowly, just like so often he would tease her. "I need direction."
"No, you don't." Nathan couldn't even pretend to buy that. The look in her eyes made have tried it's best to scream innocent but she knew how guilty she was. He knew all the filthy little words that could come out of that pretty little mouth of hers, and knew she was all too aware of what she was doing. "Take me into your mouth, slowly. Yeah, like that. Use your tongue, just…" The sensation of her mouth around him as a lot, his breathing heavier, his thoughts lacking. It felt good. His hand went to her hair. unable to help himself as he gripped a portion of it. "Suck, just a little."
The mix of seeing her on her knees taking him further and further into her mouth combined with the feeling of her wet, hot mouth around him did little to keep him composed. She didn't break eye contact once, only looked at him unconditionally as she moaned around him, a sensation that moved through him, only making it harder to think. Not that he wanted to think. He wanted to enjoy, to watch her, to watch Meredith fucking Grey kneeling before him giving him a blowjob simply because she wanted to.
"A little more with your tongue." She happily obliged as he tugged on her hair and did his best to keep himself still. It barely worked, the movement of his hips feeling almost involuntarily, needing anything she would give him. When her hand found his balls and her other hand stroked what wasn't in her mouth it was too much to keep silence. "Fuck." His head banged back against the wall and he knew they had to be quiet. She had kids and sisters and anyone else in that damn house but her mouth was making him feel fire and he just couldn't help it.
"Stop. I don't want to come in your mouth." She did as she was told and he loosened his grip on her hair, yanking her up in one smooth motion. "I want to come all over you really. On you, in you, I don't care, but I need to fuck you right now."
Meredith kissed him as she pulled off her clothes with ease, not bothering to properly wear anything under them as it were. She sat on the edge of her bed. "We found a bed. Put it to good use."
Nathan wasted no time in pulling his own clothes from him and finding himself at the end of her bed, pushing her down into it, hovering over her. "I can't believe Meredith Grey called me for a booty call."
"It's not a booty call if you're my boyfriend."
"It is." He murmured against her lips. "He's just so very willing."
"And so very hard." Meredith stroked him slowly, a lazy twist to her wrist.
"Spread your legs." Slowly he ran his hand along her thigh. Her body amazed him sometimes. Not one imperfection in his eyes. "You're soaked."
"I've been thinking about you for a while and I told you I like doing it."
He ran his fingers along her center, easily coated in her, watching the way she squirmed just slightly. "Couldn't tell from all those dirty messages you sent me."
"While you were playing lesbian match maker."
"At least you know I wasn't playing matchmaker for myself."
"You wouldn't." Meredith said confidently. "I told you to come over and you did instantly...without even knowing what I wanted."
"The blowjob was a nice surprise."
"You didn't even let me finish it."
"No," he began, running his finger along her lip, tugging on the bottom, "I didn't."
"You just going to tease me all night?"
"I might." He whispered but they both knew he wouldn't. Not when they were both there and already had a problem of keeping their hands to themselves. It was that new phase, the very one where they just needed to be together, to touch each other, to do everything and anything. A little more complicated with all of the obstacles but they managed. Nathan found himself on his side, pulling Meredith back against him. He was throbbing for her, the need dissipating for a moment, but back in full force. He needed to be inside of her, to feel her tight and wet around him, to rival her mouth in bringing him to come. ""Or," he breathed into her ear, spreading her legs just enough so he could slide into her with ease, "I might prefer this."
Meredith let out out a moan. "Much better."
The rhythm was slow as he slid his arm around her chest, pulling her back towards him until her back was flush against his chest. He just wanted to feel her against him, the flesh of her breast beneath the palm of his hand, her nipple growing harder ever time he brushed his finger along it. She continued to be intoxicating to him, certainly as he buried in face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in her, pushing himself harder into her.
"I thought you were going to take me the other way."
"Do you want me to?"
"No, this is good." Meredith words ending in something more of a low moan than a whisper.
His lips brushed against her neck, leaving a series of chaste kisses, "I missed you."
"I missed you, too." She reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers together as her grip was like iron. "Missed this. Your cock, fucking me. Harder, Nathan."
He gripped her thigh, gaining more leverage, pushing himself as deep within her as he could. It didn't feel like enough, it never felt like enough. She was a damn addiction and he always needed more. His teeth grazed against her neck as he tried to keep himself control, to get her off, not focus on how good she was around him, how she gripped him, how wet she was as he thrust within her over and over. She was so damn beautiful when she came and he needed to see that first.
"Do you like this?" Meredith breathed as she turned her head back to look at him. "Fucking me like this? From behind?"
"You know what I like more?" He pulled leg so she was draping over him, fingers instantly finding her clit. "This. You're so exposed. Your body is just ridiculous."
"Nathan, I can't, I just…" Her moans were louder, more reckless, falling in line with everything being reckless.
"What?"
"Don't stop." She grit out, pushing herself back against him as much as she could. She was wetter than she'd been in a while, it coating them both, everywhere, gripping on him tighter. "I need to come."
"Not yet."
"Please."
"Not yet." He angled her forward slightly. She was losing any last bit of control she had, he could feel it, see it. She stopped talking. She was nothing but moans and her body moving to get more. Just letting herself go and being taken by him. It was a sight. Just watching the way his cock thrust inside of her, the way she just took it, her breasts moving with her body, her head tilting back and exposing her neck to him. There was a desire, deep inside of him, to suck at her neck, bite, leave a mark. His mark. Primal almost, the same way he was thrusting inside of her, harder, deeper, the way she just falls back into him.
"Nathan, please. Can I come?" Her voice was softer, begging, needing.
She wasn't like that often. The pleading and begging type she was not. She was strong and independent but sometimes, in those moments, just them when they are both so close to losing that last little bit before they reach the high and it's all over, she crumbles. He'd be a liar if he said he hated it. "You can come now."
It took another two thrusts, a harder pressure on her clit, before she lost herself. It hit her hard, body shaking, legs quivering, biting down onto his hand to keep herself quiet. The way she clamps down on him makes it impossible for him to hold off any longer. He spilled himself inside of her and murmured her name in her ear, just loud enough for her to hear.
They were wrecked. Totally and completely wrecked. Neither of them moved, staying locked in their hold, unable and unwilling to part. Her breathing steadied before his does, her lips placed a kiss on his hand joined with hers, falling into that satiated bliss as they both found their senses.
"Stay."
"What?"
"Tonight. I want you to stay." She requested as she settled herself against him in something of a softer way.
Nathan kissed her shoulder, surprised at the request. "I'll stay."