James leaned on Nina in their way inside her house. Even without knowing him, the girl could tell his head hurt way more than the injury in his side; the way he held his head and kept his eyes closed in every bump they hit in their way there was prove. She walked him to the couch. When he set, James' head dropped too fast to the arm of the couch, surprising the girl who tried to catch him a little too late. He hit his head in the side of the couch, letting out a pained grunt that caused Nina to sigh helpless. She left the room, disappearing into the hallway for a minute.

She came back into the living room with her first aid kit, and started getting his shirt out of the way, checking the gunshot to the side of his lower chest. It wasn't serious, just a scratch. Nina kneeled down to clean it; she wished she could say it was the worse she'd ever seen but the girl had had her own sheer of fights and stunts that didn't end well; It was a bad cut but wasn't bleeding anymore. If she knew how, she'd stitched it up, but the stitchless tape she used on herself whenever she got a bad cut would have to cover it for now.

"Those men back there, they were Hydra weren't them?" She said when she was finishing the stitches, careful not to sound intruding and upset him. He was silent and didn't seem bothered by her scrubbing and poking at his cut in the slightest. "Were they there to kill you?"

"Maybe, I don't know. If they wanted me dead there isn't much they need to do anyway."

"What do you mean?" she said stopping thru her last stitch but he got up suddenly, focusing his eyes on the girl. She felt him cut thru her like a laser, and started leaning away until her back touched the coffee table behind her.

"Why are you helping me? What's in it to you?"

"You didn't have to help me back there, did you?" She narrowed. "If you were there for the Hydra guys you took down, or wanted to destroy that thing; like you did… You didn't have to help me either."

"Do you not know who I am?" Not so much the question, it was what he implied that angered the girl.

She wasn't crazy, she knew him and what he'd done, it doesn't mean she wouldn't look for answers, look to know what was it she almost died for tonight. She finished the stitch with one move and took the kit back to her bathroom leaving the man alone. She came beck but walked to the kitchen and started to make some tea it would be a long night; he was a runaway and she knew what that was like.

…

Three weeks earlier

He could keep running for a few more miles but keep going on foot would make him too exposed. This mission had no margin for error, so there was no rendezvous location if everything had gone according to plan he would've just waited in the helicarrier until Pearce got there 'ice' he realized what that would mean for him 'forgetting'. No, against all the screaming pain in his head for disobeying he had pulled the man in red, white and blue of the river 'I'm with you to the end of the line.' Those words they meant something.

The man in red, white and blue walked to him and handed him the sniper. 'I'll see you, when the base is down' the man said trying to make it sound easy.

'I don't know if I like this Steve.' It was the first time he was out of the front line, the first time they were separated since Italy and he couldn't help to feel like something would go wrong if he wasn't there, couldn't help the fear for his friend been alone down there if he had no way to protect him.

'You're the best damn shut here, better than me, I need the best man on it... To the end of the line.' He took the sniper and shook the man's hand.

That's why he ran there was something more to him he always knew, something was wrong he just had never been able to name it before. He didn't know why someone would go that far to try in get him to remember but he was thankful, looking at that man, at his sweet pained eyes as he had bagged him not to make him fight, then, after that giving up the fight after his work was done 'he'd die for me' he didn't know why, but even there he felt if places were reverses he'd do the same. He found a parking lot, took a motorcycle and got away.

…

James tried to take deep breath in; he could ignore the pain in the side of his chest, it wasn't so bed and yet his head were still giving him hell pumping and aching in a white pain that made him sick to his stomach. He was glad the girl had walked away and stopped asking him questions, that was making it all even worst. He looked down to his side the cut wasn't so bed the room was dark and he couldn't see much just enough to imagine he would be healed by the end of the week.

Down the side he found his shirt and jacket, he wasn't sure when he took those off, it didn't matter, he just tried to put it back on without vomiting. He looked around and tried to take in his surroundings; the kitchen, to his front, had a window probably his best way out; the hallway, where the girl had gotten the first aid kit some time ago, had to have a bathroom, it was likely another scape if it had a window.

'Breathe, it's not like she would make you stay if you wanted to leave.' Based on what he saw earlier; it was not like she could. He could see the girl occupying herself in the kitchen. She had broken in, in the middle of Hydra's plans; he could only hope none of those men would mark her face. If they found out who she was, she would be as good as gone.

…

After two days he was still in Washington DC got a change of clothes and a fake ID 'Dustin Jones' bad name but would do it for now. 'James Buchanan Barnes' the man's words, no, Steve's words were he's only lead, he followed it all the way to the Smithsonian in the city's center. Braking into a public building was always an easy task, too many exits and enters to choose from. The entrance had posters of Captain America all over 'how convenient' it seemed too open but he rolled a dice.

The exposit was legit 'James Buchanan Barnes' that name and face were in every corner with stories of fight, victory and friendship, his face near the faces of heroes from a country he was pushed to hate, his country. The bittersweet memory he had a few days ago wasn't alone anymore; over the last two nights every time he closed his eyes all he got were rampant of disconnected memories, memories of blood and pain, his blood and his pain, his body and mind been torn apart and put together again. All those did were make it harder for him to function during the day, he had to wait and see if the images would leave him before he could keep moving. Except one memory that came when he was close to his way out.

There were three enters to choose from, the west wing's second floor window was the one with the least security he picked that one the man was supposed to be alone in the Embassy's top office, he wasn't. His secretary had chosen that night to get a late shift. She walked in after she shot the man twice, when he was about to go out the girl didn't have time to scream before he put two bullets on her as well. His orders were clear no witnesses.

The vision caught him of guard slipping into one of the restrooms. It took him sometime to understand that what had happened wasn't here or now and for him to come back from it. When he did they were waiting for him outside. Two armed men coming from his left, he knew the stairs were to his right, he went that way and the men followed him up. When he got to the third floor the door was kick open in front of him, two men with guns came out he was able to grab the first one and threw him down the stairs gap the other shut him at his metal arm and the bullet ricocheted; he moved so fast the man didn't have the time to shot again. James hit his chest with his arm and he went flying out the stair way, falling unconscious after hitting a wall. That floor was empty and he continued running down the hallway.

…

The girl came back and put a mug and two pills in front of him. "These don't work on me." She raised an eye brown to his comment not looking exactly surprised.

"I do know who you are." She stared, calmly. "You're not the first person I met with a story. The thing is; I need to know what happened back there so I can be ready, do you understand that?" She said seating in the chair near him, he gave her simple nod. "Yesterday, my frien... my contact called me saying a cop need help finding lost evidence."

"That was Hydra's man. They spread the story about the convoy from DC. It was a set up to try in get me there… You heard about them yesterday?" he asked confused by her timing, a little too fast.

"Yeah, and my contact conveniently forgot to mention anything about Washington." She would kill Gavin for that, he knew she would never agree to it if she heard of Washington. "So they just set a quest with a reward to see if it would lead to you and killed anyone that shows there at the wrong time?"

He gave her another nod. Nina sigh and felt her blood run cold, however little information she had on Hydra, it was enough to know you can't help their most valuable asset escape and blow up their machines. Those men were still alive, the explosion of the chair wouldn't be enough to kill then all. They would learn who and where she was and If desperate times had ever seeing desperate measures, Nina took her chance. "They said you had your orders but you chose not to follow then, why?"

He turned pale. The pain in his head came back as strong as it was in the shed with Russell, lucky for him, and Nina's carpet, the pain gave out after a few shaky breaths. "I'm not… The things I did… What I can remember… I'm not doing that again. I don't want to ever do that again."

"But you did go back there for that chair. You'd risk your life for that. You want that? To get back at then?"

…

James ran all the way to the roof, he was trapped as more hydra agents came after him, he fought them. He was not coming back he'd never feel that pain again He'd never forget again. He didn't hold back in the fight either, if those men had anything to do with all the bad he'd done they deserved death and he would give it to them. He about to finish off the last man holding him by the neck of his shirt but his eyes caught sight of an older man standing at some distance, dressed in a distinctive Hydra uniform he'd seen before. This man just stood aside waiting for the fight to resume, James knew him, he was the one of the man he saw on his dreams reading words in Russian when he was seated in the chair. His distraction with the familiar face gave the man below him time to pull out his gun but not enough time to discharge it James took the weapon from his hand and shot him with it, walking to the man that had been standing to the side.

"What a waste." The man said from a distance "Hydra's top trained man, killed by their own comrade. All because you failed you mission, you disobeyed our orders." The response to those words was immediate he had to stop and close his eyes, it felt like a bomb going off in his brain.

"What you think was going to happen, you would go off on your own, abandon everything you fought to build." That was it. For a second his anger was bigger than the pain, it was all he needed. He ran and punched the man breaking his nose; landing with his kneels on top of the man chest gun pointing to the man's face.

"You were there… When they put me on that machine you gave the order to erase me, you and Pierce… You did this to me!"

"You're not going to kill me." The man said while trying to breathe "You can't!"

"Why? Give me one reason why I shouldn't end every last one of you." The man looked at him in disbelief he was going to die and he knew it.

"You'll never live long enough. You have to go back with me now, or the pain you feel will get worse and worse until your body gives out." The man spited the words out. "You're gonna die Winter Soldier and we all know you don't want to die."

"I'll take my chances." He shut the man in the man in the head and fell back and looked around; about a dozen of man all of them killed, violence was all he knew anymore even if he wanted to live this was all he'd ever have; more violence. He felt his eyes burning and his hand were shaking when he looked down at them. He didn't want to die and he didn't want to kill anyone ever again he just didn't know what to do so he ran, and ran putting as much distance between him and hydra as he could master.

…

The girl's comment made his stomach do leaps he let his head tilt back down in the couch and tried to take a still breath forcing the sickness to quiet. "Drink your tea, you lost a lot of blood... Was that all for you; with Hydra I mean, is it over?"

He took another shaky breath 'God why do I feel so shitty? Can't this just be over?'

"No!" He answered out loud to his own messed up mind, he wasn't about to give up. But the girl was still there looking at him dumb-faced like she saw a ghost. He remembered she asked him a question "I don't mean... I mean yes; I'm not done, that's just not what I was talking about... I..." He struggled to keep his stomach under control but Nina could see he was turning a little green.

"There's a bathroom down the hallway."

He just let his head drop between his legs holding his side to keep the stitches the girl made from popping open. The cut hurt and burned and he tried to focus on that pain and nothing else for a moment, taking several deep breaths.

"Do you feel sick?" He didn't answer, she moved closer to him. "Do you need something? Anything in this world if you could have it now what would it be?"

He looked forward and swallowed hard. "There is a man, Anton Vasliev, he was responsible for a red notebook. I need to find him, I don't think I have much time. I know what you're doing... You want protection from Hydra; if you can find it, I'll stay here and no one will hurt you, help me find it."

He was blunt and direct leaving her wild eyed. "You're right, I… I do need protection. But the thought of sticking it to Hydra... I don't think any sane person would say no. I have a spare bedroom and I don't think you can help anybody now. Go there take the rest of the night, we'll talk about this tomorrow." He nodded, but just laid back in her sofa, Nina took the hint. She took her notebook and walked to her own room, she had research to do.