Map chamber, Marlene's habitat
12:30 P.M. Eastern Standard Time
(Kowalski's POV)
"Okay I rigged the map chamber to explode," I said, "All they need to do is take the map."
"And The Key?" Skipper asked.
"In the belly," Rico said rubbing said belly.
"Not that it does anything anymore," I said.
Rico hacked up the key and showed it to Private.
Private looked straight into the eyes and said, "Not interested."
Rico shallowed the key and looked around.
"I also reactivated most of the traps," I said.
And then Mort ran past and set off all the traps.
"Mort?" Julien said, "what did you do that for?"
"I like setting off traps," Mort said.
"You are a trap!" Julien angrily shouted.
"I'll reset the traps…again," I said.
"Why did you even bring Mort?" Red asked.
"At least he's smarter than Fred," I whispered.
"Who's smarter than Fred?" Fred asked.
Red face-palmed and walked away shaking his head. I quickly reset the traps after making sure Maurice had Mort restrained.
"Wait," Private said looking at a wall, "I never noticed that sequence of symbols."
"Fred?" Skipper asked.
Fred the looked at the squirrel symbols.
"Fred!" Skipper shouted.
"Oh right…you want me to read those," Fred said.
"Well?" Skipper said.
"Well readings harder," Fred said.
"Out of the way simpleton," Red said as he cleared his throat, "Beware the map to the treasure, your greed will destroy you, and if you plan to use the treasure for you ill gotten gain…The Warriors of The Golden Squirrel know your plans and will stop you before you even begin your quest."
"Ha! The treasure's already destroyed, the curse is broken, story over," Skipper said, "The End."
"The Story is not over!" Reginald said, "we don't need the map! We already know the location of the Tomb of The Golden Squirrel."
"Ah…what!?" I said.
"Rico! Now!" Private shouted.
Rico pulled the map off it's pedestal and the explosive charges went off. But instead of blowing us and the chamber sky-high the explosions gets absorbed by the warriors.
"AH!" Obsidian said, "I would like to thank you for the energy boost."
"We will remember this kindness as we destroy the planet," Jededaiah said.
"We shall see about that," Julien said.
"See about what?" Fred said.
"Go be stupid somewhere else," Red said.
"Go be what somewhere else Uncle?" Fred said.
"Urgh!" Red said.
"Okay I'll URGH somewhere else," Fred said as he went to a corner, "Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!"
"Urgh," I said, "why can't we just leave him!"
"It's against the penguin way," Skipper said, "no men left behind…not even really stupid men."
"Good thing I'm not stupid right?" Julien said.
"Debatable," Maurice muttered under his breath.
"What was that Momo?" Julien said.
"I think you're the smartest King to ever live!" Maurice said.
"Psst…tell me something I don't know Maurice," Julien said.
"Um…Clover always had a crush on you," Maurice said.
"Well…Duh!" Julien said, "Ted could tell me that one!"
"ENOUGH!" Reginald shouted, "this useless prattle only delays your doom!"
"Bring us The Golden Key of The Golden Squirrel…or your friend will suffer in the final hours of this world!" Obsidian replied.
"Well that figures," Marlene said as Reginald grabbed her.
"Marlene!" Skipper shouted.
"Meet us at the dragon's gate with the key…OR ELSE!" Jededaiah shouted.
The three then laughed evilly as they flew off with Marlene.
"Oh kidnap the damsel in distress?" Julien said, "Isn't this the 21st century? The woman is in danger? How cliché and sexist!"
"Would you rather go in her place?" I said.
"Um…no…not really," Julien said, "Fred maybe. Or one of the smart guys…Kowalski or Maurice…Because the smart guys are never kidnapped!"
"I was kidnapped by Karl," Maurice said.
"That doesn't count Momo," Julien said.
"Marlene in danger!" Skipper said, "we can talk about the unfair clichés later."
"I doubt it," I muttered.
"Options!" Skipper said.
"Only one," I said, "trade the key for Marlene's life. Then do what we usually do…Wing it."
"Very well," Skipper said, "Commence Operation: Wing it!"
"Aye Skipper," I said.
We rushed out of The Map Chamber with one goal…save Marlene and then the world.
(end of chapter three)