Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the series.
Tom wants to cry. He wants to throw all his newly bought things and shatter them into pieces. He wants rip the pages of his lovely books and set them on fire. He wants to behave so badly, so loudly, that his father would have no choice but to ground for the rest of eternity, and he want, he wants…
He doesn't want to leave home. He wants to stay. Surely, his papa wouldn't mind if he stayed? Surely, Aunt Liv would let him stay? Surely, Mona would stop crying if he promised to stay? Surely, it is alright if he wanted to never-ever leave his family? Surely…
Why does he have to go to Hogwarts, anyway? His papa and Aunt Liv can teach him everything, and what they don't know, Tom can learn from the books! So, why is Hogwarts needed? It is not! Is it?
Tom is torn. He doesn't want to leave home (Papa, Aunt Liv, Mona, Rue, my Snakes! I don't want to leave them! Please, let me stay!), but he cannot deny that he is not excited about going to Hogwarts, but why did the school have to be a boarding one? Why couldn't it have been a day-school! At least that way, Tom could have had the best of both worlds!
It is not fair. Most things aren't.
Tom leaves for Hogwarts tomorrow, and for all that he is still hesitant about leaving home, he is also very excited about experiencing Hogwarts for himself.
He can't wait to meet Minerva either. Ever since their first meeting, both Tom and Minerva have stayed in touch via letters. They had used Muggle Post to keep in touch, in consideration of Mr. McGonagall (the fact that the McGonagall family resided in a muggle village also contributed to the children using the muggle way of communicating).
The letters have helped Tom and Minerva become better friends, and they have made many a plans to explore Hogwarts together, regardless of the House they end up in (Minerva wants to be a Gryffindor, while Tom is torn between Hufflepuff and Slytherin). Tom knows the importance of hard work and loyalty. He also knows that his career path is quite ambitious and would need a lot of cunning, especially when it comes to the treatment of wary animals. He figures he should just let the Sorting Ceremony decide where he will be place. Though he does wish that someone would tell him what the ceremony entails!
It aches to think about it though. The ceremony, and the classes he will see and attend, without the presence of his family. H knows that they will be but a letter away, and that if he needs them, they will come in a heartbeat, and yet, Yet, it is a sadness Tom thinks that won't leave him, but will merely be buried under everything else.
He finds that he doesn't mind that. He is learning to be and accept things as they come. He is not there yet, but soon he will be.
Aunt Liv looks worried, but Tom is unable to console her, too busy consoling Mona as she clings to him and cries. She has finally realized what Tom leaving to Hogwarts entails, and she is not happy about it. He honestly feels like crying with her, but knows that if he were to start, then both Papa and Aunt Liv also join, and his last day home would be spent in tears. He doesn't want that. So, he consoles his sister as much as he can, with promises of letters and photos of the school. He has a clunky camera with him, and for Mona, he will take as many pictures as he can.
He also wonders if can't just hide Mona in his trunk and take her with him to Hogwarts. His trunk is big enough, and surely, no one would notice?
"No, you can't take Mona with you to school. The trunk isn't big enough for both her and your things."
Sometimes, Tom gets the feeling that Aunt Liv is a mind-reader.
"I am not," she says, with a smile, "I just know you very well!"
At least the conversation has distracted Mona from her crying. Tom's Papa looks on with a sad smile and proud eyes.
(Tom knows he is going to be missed by his family, as much as he is going to miss them. He is glad he has his own owl, otherwise the school owls would rebel with the amount of letters he is planning to send. As it is, he has stocked up on owl treats so that his own owl doesn't go on strike!)
The family decides to have a dinner filled with Tom's favorite dishes. Tom muses on the many people and beings he is going to miss. His family and his snakes. It is sad that Tom can't bring even one of his snakes to Hogwarts, but papa said he was trying to gain permission from the school for it, so hopefully he can bring a snake next year.
If he does get permission, he plans to get a different snake for every year of his studies at Hogwarts. He wants to know if he can get away with it!
Aunt Liv gives him a Look, but refrains from saying anything. (Seriously, she has to be a mind reader! Look! She's rolling her eyes now!)
As dinner comes to an end, Papa and Aunt Liv give him things they believe he would find useful at Hogwarts. The is a shakily drawn map, just bare outlines, that his father gives him with a wink. Papa explains that the map is: "Something to keep you busy. A project of sorts. Map out the Hogwarts that you see and find, it'll be fun, don't you think?"
And yes, Tom truly does think it will be fun! Already his mind is going over the protections he will place over the map, to make it avoid as much of damage as possible, and as accurate as possible! He can't wait!
(It was in the small things, Tom realised as he went to bed that night. The small things his father did, seemingly unimportant things, but in reality very profound. Tom was no longer sad about leaving. The project has lit a fire of inspiration in him that has swept away all the feelings of hesitance he had about Hogwarts. A small thing in the grand scheme of things, but important because his father noticed, and did something to help Tom in his own way. Was there ever a doubt as to why he loved his Papa so?)
Morning comes, and with it comes a hurricane of "did you remember to pack"s and "don't forget to"s and "Oh Merlin! I can't believe I forgot"s. It is chaos, with everyone running around, hoping to make the station on time, tripping on Rue, and cursing the cat to high heavens, while Mona looked on with a smug smile.
This is what Tom is going to miss. This is what Tom is going to come home to every Christmas and Summer. This is home.
They reach the station with time to spare, ("A miracle" Aunt Liv calls it), and go through the barrier for Tom and Mona's first look at the Express.
It is beautiful, this train that will take Tom away from his family, into a place he knows only two people, and a place that will help him find his way in the world.
It is beautiful, and Tom turns his back on it to hug Mona once more, to lean into his father, to hold Aunt Liv's hand.
It is beautiful, but Tom has grown up (in this time, in this life) surrounded by a love that is even more beautiful. He is used to beauty in life now, it doesn't tempt him.
As the McGonagall family joins his, and as he and Minerva go in search of a compartment, and as they settle into an empty one, with their fathers stowing their trunks onto the luggage holders, Tom sees and breathes, and imagines what it would have been like if he hadn't met Papa.
(He knows he is adopted. He hadn't needed his father, gently sitting him down and telling him the truth about his birth, when he was ten. He had known since he was six, and had started Muggle school. He had known when he had seen the other children look so much like their parents. He has a picture of his mother, his father had it painted from memory, he doesn't look like her, for all that he has her eye colour. He has grown up with his father, and knows that he doesn't look like him, for all that their smiles match. He looked, and he saw, and he knew. It had hurt. But, that evening, his Papa had come to pick him up, ignoring the stares he had gained, his eyes only on his son, and Tom had realised, it didn't matter. Papa was Papa, and he was Thomas Hadrian Hagrid, regardless of any other name he might have once gotten.
He is Thomas Hadrian Hagrid, and he ready to live his life.)
Tom waves goodbye to his family, Minerva on his side waving to hers, and looks into the future with a steady heart of one who knows that when they fall, there will be someone to catch them.
Hogwarts will not know what hit it!