No one comes to her. No one tries to force her back to school, or to eat, or to get out of bed and do something besides wallow in self-pity. Chloe is alone and she stays alone, curled up on her bed, staring at the ceiling for hours on end.
For the first day, her phone buzzed nonstop with messages and calls until the battery died. She hasn't bothered to charge it, too tired to even look at the black screen of her phone, even after a full week.
She's so tired.
What was the point of trying to be better if it never amounts to anything? No one will ever care for all she does to be worth anything. All the mistakes she's made in the past, the person she grew up to be in an environment where any kindness was weakness, it's going to haunt her for the rest of her life. She'll always be the Chloe who hurts others, no matter how much she changes. So why bother?
Why bother with anything?
Chloe closes her eyes against the sting of tears; she's shed enough tears for herself. She just wants to sink into that wonderful nothingness where the world keeps moving as though she doesn't exist. That blank space where she feels nothing because she is nothing, sinking into quiet oblivion where Chloe is replaced by a slow heartbeat and nothing can hurt her.
She sleeps through the day, dozing on and off until the sun is gone and restless energy crawls under her skin like fire ants, forcing her out of bed. With a great, heavy sigh, Chloe pushes herself up onto her feet, swaying a bit as the movement, her first in hours, makes her dizzy and lightheaded.
The moon seems dull that night. The light isn't as bright as she's used to; it makes the night feel somber. Artificial light from street lamps and windows make Paris glow as though it's illuminated by warm candlelights, bright spots against the dark of the sky. It's a beautiful sight, but one she turns away from. It always reminds her of her mother, who used to tell her about how the city of love truly came to life when the sun set, covered in lights and the sighs of lovers. Chloe remembers her mother designing pieces inspired by the view outside the window, creating dresses sewn with lights in them for a young Chloe, who wanted to be a princess more than anything.
In her crushing loneliness, Chloe misses her mother most of all.
Everytime Chloe tries to become a better person, tries to become someone who brings smiles rather than grimances, someone who was worth more than just scorn, it's thrown back into her face. The world conspires against her, destroying every attempt she makes.
Maybe this is fate. She is destined to be the villain of the story, no matter what she does. She can't be saved, because redemption is meant for those who deserve it.
Living this long is punishment, Chloe decides as she presses her palms against the flower pot that holds her flaming katy. Maybe I should just die. Maybe I should call it a day and be with Maman again.
It's an addicting thought, one she's gone over many times. A world without her, spinning endlessly, with days filled with sunlight and people living as though nothing has changed. But they'd breathe a little easier, feel a little lighter, laugh a little louder.
But Takahogi. Adrien. Sabrina.
Chloe knows the pain of death; it leaves a gaping hole in your chest, void and painful. And it never gets better, you just get used to it. You just learn how to live with it.
The pain of losing her mother is still with her. One nights like these, where she's alone and unwanted, it aches something fierce like an open wound.
She slips on her shoes and silently makes her way down dark halls. The lobby is still full of light, but only employees are there, passing time on their computers or dozing now that most everyone is asleep. Chloe passes through without stopping, refusing to look at them in fear of finding eyes staring at her.
When she steps outside, relief washes over her as she lets out a long breath. The lateness of the night promises anonymity; anyone out at this hour doesn't care about who she is. Anyone out at this hour has their own ghosts haunting them.
Wandering the familiar streets is relaxing. Few people pass by, their heads hanging low, too caught up in their own lives to notice her. The streets of Paris look different at night when they're quiet and empty, barely lit by the lights above, a soft glow that makes everything look like a dream. Chloe wanders aimlessly; each step feels like another away from her life. The weight on her chest grows lighter and for the first time that week, she breathes easy.
She passes Takahogi's flower shop. It's quiet and dark. Through the windows, Chloe can make out the silhouettes of the plants, standing still without any open windows to let the breeze in. As much as she wishes she could go in and distract herself, maybe even ask Takahogi for help, it's far too late in the night for the that.
"Good night," she whispers to the shop, then steps away from the window and walks on.
She promises to come back in the morning and let Takahogi know she hasn't died yet.
As she walks, Chloe finds herself passing by places holding memories she didn't expect to find. The little cafe where she had breakfast with Adrien the day she came out to him. The bridge over the small river where they got to learn how to begin being friends again. The small boutique Sabrina always loved visiting for their vintage style and warm colors. The museum that her father brought her to once, carrying her on his back as they walked past the flora of the Mesozoic era.
The cemetery her mother is buried in, the day the world lost all its color and people never spoke above a whisper. The day her father held her close as they both cried, shivering in the winter air. The place she's avoided for the past six years.
Heart in her throat, Chloe wraps a hand around the locked gate. Part of her wants to run away and forget this place ever existed. A larger part of her wants to visit her mother and try to remember how it felt to have someone love her unconditionally.
Maybe she'll go in the morning once the gates are opened. Bring some flowers from Takahogi's shop and tell her mother how she's been. Maybe she can convince her father to come with her.
She doesn't know how long she stands there, staring past the gate to the many headstones that fill the cemetery. But it's long enough that the metal bars begin to shape indents in her palm, digging into her flesh, a dull sort of pain that's all too familiar.
Something drops to the ground behind her. A loud thud that makes her tense up from surprise and a bit of fear. She whips her head around to find, almost hidden in the shadows of the street, Chat, watching her with worried eyes.
"Chloe," he says, "Are you okay? Why are you out so late?" His eye flick above her to the name of the cemetery hung above the gate, then back to her.
She shrugs, and turns her back on him to look into the cemetery again. "I couldn't sleep so I figured I'd take a walk."
"Thinking of communing with the dead tonight?"
"I didn't mean to end up here. I just walked without thinking and here I am."
Chat makes his way over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. "You okay? You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but I'm here for you."
The weight of his hand feels like a boulder after going so long without any human contact. It burns her at the same time it comforts her. Chloe lets out a slow breath and uncurls her hand from the gate.
"I wanted to see my mother again," she confesses, "It's been years since I've been here. But I just really needed to talk to someone who cared for me."
"I can get us in," Chat says.
Chloe faces him with a glare and warningly says, "If you cataclysm this gate, I'll cataclysm your ass."
He just laughs and waves a hand to shoo the suggestion away. "No, no! I can just vault us over the gate. Sound good?"
It's late, and no one's around. Her mother is buried rather deep into the cemetery, and it's unlikely that anyone will spot them. And really, what did she have to lose? Breaking into a cemetery to talk to her mother's ghost is best done when no one else is around.
Chloe can't help but smile as she says, "Sure. Let's break into a cemetery."
Chat grins right back at her as he wraps an arm around her waist, then says, "Going up!" and they shoot upwards and over the fence. The sudden movement sends Chloe's heart into her throat, but the rush of adrenaline makes her feel alive and she almost wants to ask for him to do it again. Then they're landing onto the soft grass of the cemetery, Chat's baton shrinking down to it's normal size. He slides it back into place on his back, then gestures her forwards.
"After you," he says with a flourish that has Chloe pushing him to the side.
"Dork. Don't step on any ghosts or I won't help you when they haunt you."
She walks past him, letting her eyes dart over the names on the headstones. Close to the entrance, the names have been worn down in the stone, barely legible, with dates that go back centuries. With their names gone and the rest of them lost to time, the dead in those graves must be lonely. It's a haunting thought; being forgotten and left behind as the world moves on, year after year, until you're just a body decaying in the ground. Even the name being erased slowly until nothing's left but the faintest hint of a few letters.
The guilt hits her hard, then, as she's walking deeper into the cemetery, Chat silent behind her. She's been trying so hard to ignore this place, move on and forget that her mother ever died. Tried to forget her mother completely, though she fails time and time again when every inch of her wants to know the comfort of her mother again. But if she doesn't, who will? No one will know how Audrey was as a mother but Chloe, no one will know the lullabies she sang and the dolls she made from scraps of fabric. No one will know how much she loved her daughter.
I'll make sure you live forever, Chloe promises, then and there, I'll find a way to preserve your memory and pass it on so no one ever forgets you.
It doesn't feel like she's in Paris anymore. There's only headstones and grass around her, and the lack of bright lights in the cemetery give it an other-worldly feel. Even Chat doesn't dare break the silence, his presence barely distinguishable from the shadows around them.
It really feels like they're not alone.
"Hi Maman," Chloe whispers to the headstone she's spent years avoiding. "Long time no see."
Distantly, she hears Chat step away, giving her more privacy as she kneels down in front of the marble headstone and the angel that stands guard above it. Chloe promises to thank him properly later, maybe figure out a gift to give him to repay him for doing this for her.
Now that she's here, suddenly nothing else seems to matter. Whatever dark thoughts plague her mind, whatever problems never seem to get solved, whatever happens, it doesn't matter. Because she's here, Chloe is here and alive and she's not alone. With Chat at her back and her mother before her, Chloe feels that she'll be alright. It doesn't matter at all; as much as it hurts to know that people will never believe she's changed, she's survived worse.
Though she planned to come here and try to sort out her thoughts, pretend that her mother can give her advice, Chloe throws all that aside.
"I miss you," she whispers, "Every day. Now that I barely see Papa, I miss you more. It's hard to get out of bed most days, but I try anyways because I want to make you proud. I wish you were still here, Maman, it wouldn't hurt so much if you were here with me. I just. I wish someone still cared for me like you did. But everyone hates me and I wish I didn't exist most days. I know it's not what you want, and I'm sorry, but I'm just so tired of living this life."
It's hard to get the words out around the knot in her throat, choking her as she fights back sobs.
"I'll bring you flowers in the morning," she promises, "And they'll be beautiful. I can't remember what flower you loved the most, but I'll get you the best I can find. And I won't forget you."
For some time, Chloe stays there, kneeling in the grass with her head pressed against the cool stone. It's so different from the warmth she remembers from her mother in those distant memories of childhood. Warm and bright, always surrounded by sunshine. Here, in the night, where the wind carries a chill despite the warmth of summer, she couldn't be farther from her mother. But she's glad she's here. She's glad she's stopped running from her ghosts.
"I'll be back in the morning," Chloe promises, breaking the heavy silence that's fallen over her. Without giving herself time to hesitate, Chloe pushes herself up and away, and turns to Chat.
He looks back at her from where he sits in the grass some distance away. "Ready to go?" he asks, and gets up when she nods.
They walk back to the gate in silence, both lost in their thoughts. Chat vaults them over the gate and back onto the street with little warning besides a quick glance at Chloe when he wrapped an arm around her waist.
"Chat?" Chloe asks, feeling too small and unreal under the streetlights, "Can you get me back to my room?"
For a moment, there's only silence. Then Chat slings his arm around Chloe's shoulder and says, "Sure. Want me to walk you back, or do you want to go back in style?"
"Go back in style?"
"You got it!"
Chat sweeps her off her feet into a princess carry with a grin, and says, "Hold on tight!" The moment Chloe's got her arms around his neck, Chat brings out his baton and sends them both into the sky. There's no hesitation in his movements, just quick, practiced jumps as he leaps from rooftop to rooftop.
The rush of air against her face feels nice, and Chloe can't help but tilt her head back to look at the stars, more visible above the city lights.
She wishes she could fly on her own. The stars look like they're close enough to touch.
Chat makes it back to her room in no time, quietly landing on the balcony and gently setting her down. She almost doesn't want to go back in and let this night end. She almost wishes she didn't leave the cemetery. It's too late for all that now; she can't stop time. All she can do is endure each moment and hope it's worth it.
"Thanks, Chat, " she says as she steps towards the doors.
Before Chloe can get too far, a hand wraps around her wrist and stops her.
"Wait!" Chat isn't looking at her when she turns to face him. His head hangs low, eyes hidden from her view. He's tense, looking ready to either fight or flee, and Chloe feels the familiar anxious rolling of her stomach begin.
Whatever he's about to say can't be anything good, not when he looks like that.
But he doesn't say anything. He just. Holds her wrist and keeps her from leaving.
The wait only makes Chloe more nervous.
Her heart beats too loud in her ears. Her hands are beginning to tremble. Her chest feels too tight and her tongue feels like solid lead in her mouth. The fear is dizzying. Paralyzing.
It takes a few tries for her to summon up her voice, but on the third try, Chloe manages to say, "Chat?"
"Just. Hold on," he says, then takes a deep breath and lets her wrist go.
Chloe forces herself to take a deep breath, and counts ten seconds in each inhale and exhale. God, how nerve wrecking.
"I wanted to tell you something," Chat finally says, forcing the words out and avoiding her gaze.
"If you say you have a crush on me, I'm going to punch you because I'm really gay and not willing dealing with you."
Chat startles, then bursts out laughing. "No!" he sputters out between his giggles, "Oh my god, no. Listen, you're pretty okay, but I've got Ladybug in my life and that's all I need. No, I wanted to tell you that you can talk to me about anything. My own... parents are really distant and sometimes it feels like it would be better if I didn't exist, so I have some idea of what you're feeling."
That's. That's not what Chloe was prepared to hear. She wasn't sure what she was prepared to hear, but it isn't this.
"Yeah," she says, "I take it back; tell me you have a crush on me so we can fight instead."
Chat grins at her and pats her shoulder. "I'm serious you know. If you need me, I'm here. A hero's gotta help people, right?"
"It's way too late to be having this conversation. Get out of here and go to sleep." Chloe gently punches his arm and walks away from him. As she's opening the door, she glances back and manages to say, "Thanks, Chat," before retreating into her room and trying to figure out if she wants to smile or cry at how he cares for her.
By the time she dozes off, Chloe's settled on smiling, and swears she's going to find the best gifts for him. She still hasn't properly thanked him, after all. And heroes like him deserve all the thanks in the world.