First of all I would like to apologise for it being so long since I updated, I've has writers block and have been busy with studying. Thank you all so much for the reviews, they make my day every time I read them. I will try to update more often, it wont be left this long again. Thanks so much for reading this!

Chapter 13

Harry awoke next morning to a banging on the door and a screech from Buckbeak. "Sorry Beaky, there you are Harry" it was Sirius. "What are you doing in here?" he asked as he looked at Harrys tired, pale haunted face there was defiantly something up, he really wanted to know so he could help him but he was going to try after the full moon when the two were alone.

"I don't know" replied Harry bluntly as he stood up and started to head towards the door

"Where are you off to pup?

"Oh, to my room to get changed" snapped Harry as he went out of the room and down the corridor.

"Breakfast is ready when you are changed" shouted Sirius behind him. Sirius went downstairs to help Remus with the breakfast whilst Harry quickly got changed and hobbled downstairs to join them.

"Morning Harry, how are you this morning" asked Remus. Harry didn't answer, he was too caught up in his thoughts, daydreaming, thinking about how irrational he had been that morning.

"Harry? Remus is talking to you" reminded Sirius, this time it sunk in

"Oh, sorry. Hi Remus" said Harry as he sat down and rested his head on his arms. Sirius gave Remus a meaningful look, Remus put a plate of egg and beans in front of Harry who pushed his food around his plate. Sirius was about to open his mouth to say something when a large tawny owl swooped in and landed in the middle of the table. It had a letter attached to its talon.

Remus untied it, the owl waited for Remus to scribble a reply with some nearby quill and ink before taking off through the window. Remus had an inquisitive look upon his face as the owl flew into the brightening day.

"What is it Remus?"

"I've been offered the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts position this year" replied Remus, Sirius smiled

"So, are you going to take it?"

"I don't know, after last time I'm unsure, I'm going for a meeting with Dumbledore about it this afternoon before the full moon tonight, however I'm not going to get another job in the meantime."

"Ok, anyway" Sirius paused, looking at harry as his mind set back to what he was going to say before the were greeted with the news. "You've got to eat something, Harry?" he said trying to make conversation with his godson who had just ignored the conversation so far, still pushing food around his plate.

"I'm not hungry" replied Harry, as he tried to suppress the sickening feeling from the food, Harry knew it was good food but he just couldn't bring himself to eat anything. He knew he needed to eat, he just couldn't see the point anymore. Sirius glanced at Remus then looked back at Harry

"How though, you've hardly eaten anything since you got here. You need food to heal your leg, there's no way I'm letting you back on that quidditch pitch without you eating enough". Harry desperately wanted to say that he didn't care and all he wanted to do was hide away but he knew that wasn't an option.

"I'm fine Padfoot" he finally said "I'm just no that hungry right now" Harry explained, keeping his temper. He didn't know why he was angry, they were only trying to help but a voice in his head kept saying you don't deserve help, you don't deserve to be here. He wanted to shut the voice out, but he couldn't.

"Promise me you will eat at least a few more bites" replied Sirius. Harry knew he had to or he wasn't going to be let back to his room, so he quickly ate a sausage and half his beans before getting up and leaving slamming the door behind him.

Harry didn't know what was going on with him, all he knew was that he wanted that sickening pain of the blade across his skin, anything to relieve the pain he was feeling. It didn't take him long to find his blade and settle down in the bathroom he made three more cuts to his already scared skin. The pain rushed up is arm, the blood dripped down over his hand. The welcoming of numbness filled his chest and the relief that followed.

He didn't know how long he was sitting there and unaware of how much blood he was losing. After a while he pressed a cloth on his arm and waited for the bleeding to stop, it was taking longer than usual. He was starting to worry that it wouldn't stop, what would he do, he couldn't let it bleed out.

After what seemed like forever it finally stopped and just in time it seemed. Harry heard footsteps coming up the stairs and suddenly hoped that it wasn't Remus with his heightened werewolf senses he quickly wiped up the mess and put the bloody rag in the wash, before he let himself be seen. He went out of the room and nearly knocked over Sirius

"Pup. I didn't expect you to be coming out there"

"I'm sorry" he replied and rushed off to his room. He didn't care what Sirius would think of him as he sat down on his bed and started to thump his pillow. He didn't notice the light knock on the door, or the door opening. Harrys thoughts once again surrounded him; you should be dead, not Cedric. You don't deserve to be alive. You are not worth anything, why do you bother, you're so selfish and disrespectful to Sirius and Remus, you are fucked up, messed up. Look at yourself, how pathetic you are, you should have taken that cup on your own. This is all your fault… his thoughts were interrupted. A soft hand rested on his shoulder, Harry couldn't bear to look up at Sirius

"Pup, what's going on?" asked Sirius as he knelt down to Harrys level. Harry shook his head, not wanting hi to know what was going on. "I know something is wrong, tell me, I can help. Nothing is going to shock me and I'm not going to shout. Please Harry"

"I need to get some sleep Sirius, I'm just tired" explained Harry his voice eerily calm. "I didn't get much sleep last night"

"Promise to speak to me later?" asked Sirius wanting to get to the bottom of the teens problems. Harry nodded as he just wanted to get Sirius off his back, he however didn't plan to tell him anything when they came to talk later.

Harry waited until the door closed before he lied down on his bed and swore loudly into his pillow. Why was he so stubborn he was only trying to help? You're not stubborn, you are just pathetic and worthless, you don't deserve to live, why carry on, there's nothing here for you said the voice. Harry wasn't thinking straight so he got off his bed and headed towards the window. He opened it as wide as he could and swung his legs over the side, letting the sun hit is face and the wind blow through his head. He made his was towards the edge and breathed in the clean air, what would it be like to let himself go? Let it all end? No one would miss him, he was the same freak the Dursleys called him and he was weak, at least Tom wouldn't have his wish granted…

What do you think Harry will decide to do? an what will Sirius and Remus think? Thanks for reading, if you have any suggestions or questions feel free to ask. I really appreciate the reviews and the followers. I hope this chapter has lived up to the last. Many Thanks TR