Chapter 20

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters used in this story that honour belongs to J K Rowling and the Warner Brothers.

Harry awake feeling well rested, he looked over at his alarm clock 5.43. Okay yes it was a little early, but he had more sleep than he had over the last week or so. He didn't notice the little elf poking his little head in at him for a while, when he did see the big green eyes he jolted up and bit his tongue to stop himself screaming and waking up the other inhabitants of the dormitory.

"Dobby! What the fuck are you doing?"

"Dobby doesn't mean to intrude, Harry Potter sir, but master Wolf wants Dobby to stay, in case Harry Potter wakes sir. I should get Master Wolf sir"

"No, Dobby" Harry almost yelled and up his hand on Dobby, "I'm fine, don't get Remus it's okay"

"But Dobby saw, Harry Potter was hurt sir, Dobby stopped the hurt, Dobby took care of it. Dobby is sorry he couldn't heal Harry Potter, for elf magic is different to masters." Harry rolled up his sleeve on his robes and looked at the white, soft bandage wrapped securely around his wrist. Harry started to panic, he as sure to tell Remus.

"Have you told Remus, Dobby"

"Dobby has not left Harry Potter's aside, sir. Like master Wolf said. Dobby shall get him then?"

"No, Dobby please Dobby don't tell him"

"If that is Harry Potter's wish, sir"

"Yes, it is"

"Dobby still must tell Master Wolf Harry Potter is awake, sir"

"Ok, just tell him nothing about my arm okay?"

"Yes, of course sir" Dobby popped away. Harry looked down at his arm again. It was odd seeing it all wrapped up, so used to seeing it scarred. Harry started to get changed into new robes. He had managed to get a clean long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans on as Remus walled in with Dobby.

"Harry, would you like to have breakfast with me in my office?" he asked. Harry knew it was a request not an offer, so he nodded and continued to change. He put his shoes on, robes and tie. It was too warm to wear the sweatshirt. Once he was ready, Dobby vanished, and Remus turned to walk out the door, Harry followed. It as an awkward walk to the familiar office, it looked the same as it did two years previous except the table was ready with food for breakfast.

Remus sat down and gestured top Harry to sit which he did and waited for the questions which were inevitable to come. His thoughts were racing, he knows! He knows! Dobby must have told him I'm in trouble big trouble. He was preparing for him to take off his belt and raise it above his head. Harry saw as Remus turned into his uncle, he knew he was into it "BOY!" he heard and then pain a lot of pain. He suddenly came back to reality.

"Harry! Harry" Come on Harry, come back to me" he then felt a hand on is shoulder and he came back for reality. He was staring off into the distance, luckily not shouting his head off. "Harry, are you okay? You seemed to go into a daze then, what were you thinking about?"

"Just last night, you know its not every day somebody tells you to go and kill yourself"

"Oh Harry, has been reading the prophet with that skeeter woman, he has been dealt with, no one should ever say that to anyone. Have something to eat" Harry nodded and picked up some sausages and toast and ate it quietly. "You know, it feels like ever never been away"

"Really Moony, it feels like such a long time. So much can change in a year. And," Harry stopped as if he didn't want to say something next.

"What were you going to say Harry"

"Nothing, I was just saying, well being taught by a death eater it would be good to have a good guy on our side again, well the disappointment of the Slytherins" Remus laughed, he was glad even under the clear hurt in his cub, he still could feel the real Harry in there.

"Well, I think everyone is still very behind on their work, how the 7th years are going to pass their NEWTs this year I don't know" Harry looked at Remus and nodded "and all of you have your OWLs this year, we must all prepare"

"So, what about this defence club, do you think it will be good"

"Its difficult to say, especially after the way Seamus acted last night"

"Yeah I guess" the two sighed

"I have your timetable here" explained Remus, "you start Monday, since its Saturday today there is no lessons"

"Thanks" replied Harry, quickly analysing his timetable and he grimaced at the fact he still had potions and care of magical creatures with the Slytherins as well as now sharing his defence against the dark arts lessons with them.

Remus observed Harry and laughed inwardly when he saw the lessons with Slytherin. At least he still acts like a teenager in that sense. But as he looked further and to the boy's eyes, they lacked their emerald spark, the looked dull and gravy showing Remus how much he was hurting but not showing. Harry soon said goodbye to Remus and made his way back to Gryffindor tower

Ron and Hermione were waiting anxiously in their fedora armchairs, Hermione jumped up as Harry entered. "Where have you been! Ron and I have been worried sick all morning"

"Been with Moony" he said bluntly

"Oh alright"

"Say Harry, you want a game of wizard's chess?" Ron asked

"Ronald! You are so insensitive! Harry is tired and angry, he needs rest and peace"

"No, its okay, I'd rather keep my mind off it" Ron grinned, Harry followed him with a grin hiding all the feelings eating him up inside. Hermione sighed and curled up with her book whilst the boys plied chess. They didn't realise how long they were playing for and before they knew it the sun had started to set. Ron's stomach began to rumble so the trio went down to the great hall.

The stars were still very noticeable to Harry, they had gone down at the peak time. Harry sat down at the nearest bench and pt. some food on his plate. Everyone sat around him and put food on their plates, notably more than Harrys. Harry rushed through his food, the anxiety about everyone looking at him. He felt sick to his stomach, he hoped he wasn't going to throw up.

"Harry, are you okay" asked Hermione

"Yes fine, stop asking me if I'm okay, I'm always okay, just leave it, can handle everything" with that Harry stood up and hobbled out of the hall, heading for the nearest boy's toilets. Ron and Hermione were left stunned, they knew Harry was angry, but he had never got up from dinner and walked out before. That made Hermione really worry.

Harry fled as fast as his good leg and crutches would take him, into the nearest bathroom where he emptied his stomach contents. He flushed the toilet and cleaned himself up before sitting down by the window overlooking the lake. It was so peaceful, and he wished he could be at peace even though his mind right at that moment, there was a war going on up there. He needed relief and needed it fast. He glanced around but couldn't find anything sharp.

He had to get back to his dormitory and fast before anyone found him. He quickly made his way up the maybe staircase praying that his best mates were still eating. When he got to the portrait hole he said the password and the it opened. Not even looking around he belted upstairs to his bed and shut the curtains. He unravelled the blade from the socks and pulled up his robes and just as he was about to unravel the bandage he had a thought. What if people saw him. He knew he had to go somewhere private.

Harry searched for his invisibility cloak and quickly found it. He pocketed the blade and put the cloak on. It was difficult to move under it, but he knew he just had to get away. He climbed out the portrait hole and down the marble staircase, took the left corridor which was a short cut for the astronomy tower. It was a long and tiring climb to the top of the tower but when he sat down in the little shelf near the window he relaxed a bit.

Harry took out his blade and cut deeper than he had ever done before. Harry knew he was in trouble because he a losing so much blood, he didn't care though, it was satisfying. Soon he started to become irked and dizzy. White spots filled his vision. The bell rang to signal all students should be in their common rooms. Harry sprung into action and muttered a blood clotting charm so that it old stop bleeding. He then spent five minutes making sure his glamour's were topped off before he went under the invisibility cloak and made his way back to the common room.

When the portrait opened, Harry was quickly smothered by Hermione and her bear hug. Where have you been? Everyone was so worries!"

"I was in the library, I was studying under my cloak to have some peace" Harry lied smoothly

"Oh alright, I thought you had finished your Homework though" agreed Hermione suspiciously

"I think it needed some looking over that's all"

"Oh, okay, why didn't you ask me to do it like you always do?"

"Because It is my homework, and we both know I won't have you in the exam" continued Harry, wishing she would stop questioning him, he was only 10 minutes after the bell

" Oh okay, want to come and play exploding snap?" she asked almost desperately

"No, it fine, id like to get an early night" Hermione nodded and allowed Harry to pass. He went up the stairs and into his bed without changing into his pyjamas. He closed his curtains and laid down. All his thoughts bombarded him, he couldn't think straight, all he could think was that he was better off dead, yes Ron and Hermione would forget him, and it was what Tom wanted anyway. Wasn't it?

Harry dozed off uneasily and dreamt that he was back in the graveyard and he was killed, it was the best dream he had in a while, like he deserved it, the floor opened and swallowed him, fire and lava surrounded him, death eaters placed curses on him. Harry didn't flinch, he knew he deserved it. Then came the part with his parents and everyone saying he had let them down and Harry woke abruptly.