Chapter 26

Harry awoke the next morning being violently sick into the toilet, only when his stomach was empty and he was dry heaving id he attempt to get up. His head spun and his body ached. What on in Merlin's name did they give me yesterday Harry thought as he washed his face and threw his jumper over his head. He walked into the common room where Ron and Hermione was waiting for him.

"Harry! Are you alright? You look awful!"

"Just the thing they gave me, come on before we miss breakfast"

"Harry is right Breakfast!" Hermione huffed and followed the two boys down to breakfast. They sat down and started to pile food on their plates. Harry really didn't fancy anything, he felt too sick from that morning but didn't want anyone else to know. Two flasks appeared next to his pumpkin juice with a note attached. He waited until Ron and Hermione started to argue again before opening the note.

"Harry, these are the potions that will relieve the sickness and relieve the pain, please drink with some food otherwise they will make you feel worse. Any problems come straight to the infirmary."

Harry sighed deeply and added some more food to his plate before downing both potions. He then started to eat some sausages and baked beans. It took a little while but as he was finishing his plate, he was starting to feel better and felt hungrier. Harry looked up at the staff table and say Remus smiling at him, then he knew the appetite potion was sent from him.

After breakfast the day continued pretty normally, during mealtimes he was able to eat though he didnt really want to, he did for show as Madame Pomfrey and Remus was watching his every mouthful. His destructive thoughts didn't stop and his glamour was harder to keep up. That night he gave in, he felt like he was going to cry and he was not going to let anyone take the mic anymore. Harry felt too tired to go up to the astronomy tower so he excused himself to bed and closed the curtains around his bed before taking out his blade.

Slowly and recklessly he cut into his arm, the blood flowed uncontrollably. Harry let it, it bubbled up and run down his arm, he tried to dab it away but it quickly replenished. He tried to put pressure on it but it bled through the material too quickly, it kept going and going. His chest was getting tight and panic overtaking him. He didnt know how to stop it without Remus. All hope was going to be lost, he was going to bleed out. Harry thought, tried to think, what could he do to stop this?

"Dobby!" he called and almost instantly the small house elf popped in and peered through the curtains

"Harry Potetr Sir called Dobby?" he asked as he noticed Harrys bleeding arm, flicked his fingers and plasitc needle and thread started sttiching up the wounds before a bandage wrapped itself neatly around his arm. "Does Harry Potter want Dobby to get Master Wolf?"

"No, its okay. Thank you Dobby. I shall get you some more clothes for Christmas, jut didnt tell Remus"

"Only if Harry Potter Promises to not do this again"

"Okay Ill try Dobby, but its harder than you think"

"Dobby knows, is this all Dobby can do for Harry Potter?"

"Yes thank you Dobby" Dobby then apparated away. The blood loss had made Harry feel dizzier than earlier and he had to lie down and soon Harry fell asleep.

The rest of the first week of treatment went rather okay, every morning there were different potions for Harry to take that helped him with the sickness feeling and the other symptoms that developed after each dose. Harry hoped this was the worst it would get but the darkness inside him convinced him otherwise, his head told him not to take the potions each morning, that he deserved to feel sick, that if he didn't drink them he could fulfill his destiny and die he resisted this, for Sirius he told himself.

That attitude turned for the worst halfway through week two of the chemotherapy, Harry woke abruptly from a dream which wasn't unusual but when he went to lay back down his pillow was full of hair. Panic overtook him as he felt his head, clumps of hair kept coming out, more and more. Harry didn't know what to do except grab his invisibility cloak and run, he ran as fast as he could barefoot, through the portrait hole, down the marble staircase, through Professor Binns who was on patrol, through the entrance hall and down to the side of the lake.

Harry started to run around the lake ignoring his aching limbs, ignoring the fact he felt so sick, he just needed to be out of there and do something stupid, something he wouldn't regret, no one would miss him, the dark thoughts were overwhelming. Everyone would laugh, everyone would be or than usual everyone hated him anyway so what was the point in living anymore. Harry was not looking where he was going and so was taken by suprise when he ran head first hard into an outstretched tree branch knoking him straight off his feet.

Now, on the floor Harry felt rather dizzy and sleepy. Prehaps he could go back to sleep here he had his cloak which was warm and would protect him from the cold. Slowly he closed his eyes and let the drowsiness fill him up before falling asleep

…

Meanwhile in the great hall. "Ronald! Where's Harry!"

"I don't know M'ione maybe he came don earlier, come on food!"

"It's all you think about, your best friend is missing!"

"Who is missing?" asked a stern voice

"Harry" replied Hermione as Ron huffed

"Was he not in the dormitory this morning?"

"No" replied Ron his voice muffled as he was eating with his mouth full

"Thank you Mr Weasley, maybe next time I could hear you properly. I will get a search party looking for him imminently

…

Ginny Weasley was taking a morning walk around the lake, it helped her clear her head before lessons begun, shivering she tightened the coat she had on around her as she ducked under a branch stopping on something soft. She stopped and drew her wand. The ground groaned and started to physically shiver. Using the levitating charm she lifted the invisibility cloak off Harry.

Ginny gasped "Oh Harry! What are you doing here?" Harry did not say anything, he was too cold, his teeth were chattering and the cold wind whipped around him, his thin pyjamas useless protection. Ginny recognized the coldness in the boy and quickly removed her coat and wrapped it around the shivering boy followed by the invisibility cloak. She then helped him stand and made him lean on her as they made their way back to the castle.

Halfway there the sickness overcame Harry as he dropped to his knees being violently sick into the lake, Ginny just knelt down next to him and rubbed soothing circles on his back. Once he was done she helped him up once more and they made their way to the entrance hall.

They walked into the castle as Professor McGonagall walked out of the great hall followed by almost all the professors. Harry took one look at them and started to run they were going to laugh, or punish him, punish him like he was supposed to be punished, he couldn't go on anymore. Ginny quickly followed him and caught up with him quickly as his legs gave out beneath him and he started to cry. Harry had lost all hope in himself but he still couldn't let anyone see the scars.

Ginny sat down next to Harry and pulled his chin up so he would look her in the eye "Harry, its going to be okay, no one is going to laugh at you, we want to help, no one is going to see you, you have to get through this so we can be fear free, so I can be fear free. Can you do that for me?"

I have been so selfish thought Harry, I need to do this for Ginny. "Anything for you Gin"

"Let's go inside then" she replied as they both stood up once again.

Note: apologies once again that this has been a while. I have not had access to my saved work so this chapter is made from scratch.