Chapter 4- Pass for a Lonely Person

Laurie had not been thrilled to leave her car behind all the way in Sesser, but she had to admit that a.) going in a convertible was nice (even if it was obnoxiously called the Toddfather) and b.) she didn't have to drive. Anytime she didn't have to drive, she considered it a win.

Stuck in the insanely small backseat with Alexei and Murray, Laurie hated that she was scrunched in next to the Russian. She was still pretending to not know Russian and God it was tempting to start a conversation up with the kid, but she wanted to keep her ruse going, God knows why.

Oh, she knew why. She was an asshole.

Turns out that this convertible was not meant to have three regular sized human beings sit in the backseat. Poor Alexei was squished between Murray and Laurie, his shoulders uncomfortably pulled forward with his hands sitting in between his legs. Laurie was certain Alexei was leaning away from her.

She wondered why. Did he not like her or did he just not want to be rude by touching her?

Though she knew it was hypocritical of her to think that since she had pulled herself all the way over to the side so she wouldn't have to touch him. But she knew why she didn't want to touch him. She was clearly too into him.

Laurie considered playing with him but spreading out her legs to touch his, maybe pretending to be sleepy and laying against his shoulder slightly, but she chose to be good and instead she chuckled to herself and looked out of the car to her left, watching the landscape fly by.

"This car was not made for so many," Alexei complained to Murray. "I feel like I'm sitting on her. Is she comfortable?"

Laurie smirked but then tried to cover it up, covering her mouth with a hand.

"Uh, Agent Miller," Murray said loudly, both annoyed and amused by the Russian's concern. "Is he sitting on you? Do you have enough space?"

"Please, don't make it obvious when you ask!" Alexei complained, probably reading into Murray's tone and body language.

Laurie looked over at the two men, noticing Joyce looking back at the trio. "You can let him know I have plenty of space. I've been in much more cramped situations than this." She felt proud of herself for keeping her face very neutral, but did allow herself to wink at Joyce.

Alexei was looking at his hands, not looking at her. She wanted to nudge him, make him smile, but she had to admit that seeing him blush was cute too.

"She's okay, Alexei. I don't think she minds. She says she's been in more cramped positions," Murray translated.

Finally, Alexei looked up and met her stare then blushed more, she was sure even if it was getting dark, and looked up at the sky, anywhere but her. Laurie looked over at Murray, giving him a confused look as if she didn't know what was going. He shrugged.

"Russians?"

Laurie chuckled and looked back out her side of the car, a smile plastered on her face.

She wasn't sure what it was about this kid that made her want to flirt or be silly. She was a 36-year-old woman, not a love struck teenager. Messing around with guys wasn't a thing she did. Laurie had sort of given up on love a long time ago. While she didn't do a lot of dangerous work, she was still busy. She had tried dating, but it just never worked. A lot of guys, particularly back in the 70s when she first joined the FBI, didn't find it much of a turn on to date a Federal Agent.

Men were weak.

She had to flirt a bit undercover from time to time, but it had been a while since she was with a guy. Eventually, she just stopped getting the urge.

But there was something about this probably 20-something scientist that made her want to flirt, made her want to act like at least a young 20-something who twirled her hair and smiled sweetly at young men.

Too bad they were surrounded by three other people. Maybe if they were alone she would flirt.

Who was she kidding? She was too old to flirt with young men.

The smile fell off her face as she reminded herself of who she was. An almost 40-year-old FBI Agent with a job. She was here to keep an eye on the Russian and then, if he did help them stop this thing, then she would try to help him defect.

She wasn't here to flirt with that same Russian scientist.

Laurie sighed sadly, her shoulders drooping.

It was fun while it lasted, she told herself.

"Murray, she sounds sad. Why is she sad?" she heard Alexei asked, trying to whisper, but with the wind he ended up saying it loudly enough for Laurie hear. Not that anyone knew she could understand him.

"Why would I know? She's in the FBI, maybe she's thinking about some awful thing she's had to do for her work? Maybe she's thinking about how she'd rather be anywhere else than stuck in this car with the four of us on her way to Hawkins, Indiana. Who knows? Also, I'm not sure she gets sad. She's kind of mean."

"She's not mean," she thought she heard Alexei say. "I know mean. She's not mean."

"Give her time," Murray snarked.

She almost gave up the goose and started talking to him in Russian. Instead, Laurie decided she'd allow herself a little indulgence. Fourteen years of being in the FBI, surely she deserved a few minutes to have fun? After all, this was a long fucking car ride. The sun was just starting to go down and there were still a couple more hours to go.

Laurie turned to face Alexei, her right leg smacking into his. He jumped slightly, pulling closely to Murray, but she didn't let him. She wrapped her right arm under his left arm and tapped on his arm with her left hand.

"Alexei, do you know what today is?" she asked, loudly enough for Murray to hear.

Alexei looked over at Murray, panicked and confused. "What is she doing?"

"She wants to know if you know what today is?" Murray translated, shrugging.

"Today? What's today?" he asked, looking between Murray and Laurie. Murray shook his head at Laurie.

"No?" she said. "It's the Fourth of July. Independence Day!" she said, tapping his arm, waiting for Murray to translate.

Alexei nodded, smiling, relaxing into her touch ever so slightly. "Fourth of July. Right, big celebration!"

"Fireworks? Have you ever seen fireworks?" she asked intently, suddenly very curious. She couldn't remember if Russians ever had a holiday where they lit off fireworks. She had never actually been to Russia, for all of her knowledge of the language. She did have a severe lack of cultural understanding of the country and the people.

Murray translated and Alexei's face lit up as he looked back at Laurie. "Oh yes! I love fireworks. I'm sure they're better in America!"

Laurie couldn't help but smile at Alexei's smile. He seemed so innocent despite his genius. It was cute. She listened as Murray translated back to her. She shrugged nonchalantly. "America's not better at everything, Alexei. Don't believe all the theatrics," she admitted.

Murray seemed surprised, but he translated, and Laurie was happy to hear he translated accurately.

Alexei looked at her curiously, still smiling. "America is the land of the free. The American Dream!" he said.

Murray translated, giving Laurie time to think about a response. She nodded, though she also grimaced. "It's complicated, Alexei. The American Dream, I'm sure, is real. But look at this whole thing with the Russians; the Cold War. Over what? And for decades, everyone's been so absolutely terrified of communism and Russians and it's just…ridiculous. We're just not perfect, that's all."

The car got quiet, except for the sound of the wind blowing past them. Alexei, realizing Laurie was done talking, looked at Murray.

"What did she say?" he pushed.

"Oh, uh-," Murray said before he began translating, trying to remember what she said. Laurie knew Murray didn't completely agree. After all, he wasn't paranoid for nothing. He believed, or at least he did before today, in the Red Scare and believed that America, for all of its faults, was better.

Laurie wasn't sure she agreed much anymore. It was better than the U.S.S.R. in many ways, but to pretend as if the American Dream was real anymore…

She had seen too much to believe such a thing anymore.

She wished it was true, for Alexei's sake. But could she pretend for him?

Once Murray had finished translating, Alexei's head whipped around and he turned his body, putting his back to Murray (who grunted in annoyance). He had untangled his arm from hers and Laurie immediately missed the feeling, frowning as he moved back to face her in the back seat of the convertible.

"Why you do your job if you think the American Dream isn't real? Why be in the FBI if you don't see the freedom in what America offers?" Alexei questioned, speaking quickly. His hands moved as he spoke; Laurie liked seeming him so worked up, so interested in the conversation.

Murray translated from behind Alexei, clearly annoyed that Alexei had moved in a way that kept Murray out of the conversation, though he was still needed.

She smiled softly and gently grasped Alexei's hands in hers, staring deep into his hazel eyes beneath those silly gold glasses. "Because I want to. I want to be proud of my country. I want people to feel comfortable, to feel at home when they come here. I don't want people to be afraid."

Murray, once again, translated word for word, though slightly missing some of Laurie's emotions behind her words. She hoped Alexei would understand. She didn't hate her country, but God…they weren't the winners in this war. There were no winners.

How could anyone really win a war?

Alexei nodded as Murray spoke. He had narrowed his eyes slightly as Murray translated, really looking at Laurie. She found herself lost in his eyes and everything around them slipped away.

What would it be like to just be with someone? To wake up every day with them there? To come home after work they're there? To have someone to talk to, cuddle with?

Even the serious boyfriends Laurie had had were never like other people's relationships. She always just assumed she wasn't meant for that stuff. But yet here she was imagining a future with a Russian defector.

God, she was fucked.

"Did they jump out? Why's it suddenly so quiet?" Laurie heard Jim ask, breaking the mood.

Laurie coughed uncomfortably and quickly turned back in her seat to look out of her side of the car, letting Alexei's hand drop from hers. "Jim, has anyone ever told you that you have the tact of a fucking rabid dog?" Laurie yelled over the sound of the wind.

"Hop!" Joyce admonished him. "Leave them be."

Jim shot back some snotty ass retort and then the pair were off, arguing once more as Murray and Alexei started speaking in Russian to each other. Laurie sighed, pushing it all out of her mind. She closed her eyes and focused on the wind hitting her face. She had to calm down before she really made a fool out of herself in front of Alexei.

Why was she sitting here imagining a life with a man she literally just met a few hours ago?

This is why she didn't fall in love. It's insane.

The sound of Murray suddenly yelling was enough to bring Laurie out of her daydream. She turned her head to watch Murray throw himself off his seat and up between the front seats to yell. To do so, he had to lean over Alexei. The poor guy moved away from Murray quickly, unintentionally leaning back into Laurie's chest in his haste to get out of Murray's way. His hand landed on her knee to steady himself and the back of his head was just inches from Laurie's face. She could smell the sweat on him and his curls were tickling the end of her nose.

They both froze as they realized they were touching quite intimately.

Her heart seemed to jump into her throat and Laurie held her breath, waiting for whatever would happen next. Thankfully, Murray was too busy yelling at Jim and Joyce about something (was he yelling at them to have sex? Laurie thought) to notice the other two people in the car.

To Laurie's surprise, Alexei seemed to relax into her after a moment. He moved over enough that he wasn't leaning back into her chest anymore and so his head was almost on her shoulder (except he was just a little taller than her). He never looked to her, to Laurie's gratefulness, and instead led his head rest on the seat while he watched Murray continue to yell.

Laurie wanted to reciprocate. She wanted to touch him in some way to show him that she felt it to, to press herself into his back, but she was scared. What if this wasn't what she thought? What if Russians were just like this? Who's to say he wanted to be this close to her? That it was about her, not just about Murray acting like an asshole?

So she stayed exactly as she was, awkwardly, waiting as Murray's diatribe died out and he pushed himself back into his seat.

"What was that about?" Alexei asked, deftly moving his hand from Laurie's knee before Murray could see. He moved over slightly, just enough to make it seem to anyone looking that he didn't mean to be on top of Laurie, but she could still feel his body heat.

She could still smell his sweat and good God why was she so turned on by his sweat?

Murray translated, keeping it to a brief "I told them to have sex."

Laurie tried not to groan out loud. Murray was absolutely fucking insane.

"They have not had sex?" Alexei asked.

"No."

The two men looked at each other and began to laugh hysterically while Laurie was grimacing behind Alexei.

What was so funny about this?

And then Alexei held up two fingers to Murray, making their laughter double.

It took Laurie a split second to figure Alexei's miming and she felt herself recoil in horror. What kind of person would just casually laugh about that? The Russian man was clearly comfortable with Murray already and had no shame about joking about a very intimate sex act.

She turned away from the laughing men to look out into the night, her cheeks hot with embarrassment. And it definitely didn't help the situation that Alexei had spread his legs open, his knee hitting hers once again, their thighs touching as well. Her imagination was working overtime, making her feel like they were touching skin to skin. But they weren't.

Why couldn't this car ride fucking end already? She was being tortured and it just wasn't fair.

Laurie was becoming utterly, and horribly, aware of one thing: she really needed to get laid.

Maybe she'd get lucky and die tonight. That would certainly end her torture.