I let myself into Soryu's apartment at 7:30. I'd already received a text telling me that he'd be late, but I wanted to take my time to get myself ready for him. Usually being told something like, 'Be at my apartment at eight,' would have pissed me off and freaked me out to the point that I would for sure not have shown up. I was so on edge about being trapped in a relationship that Soryu was normally very gentle and passive. He didn't put pressure on me and he didn't tell me what to do. He always made sure that he gave me the space that I needed.
But those whispered words had repeated themselves over and over again in my head all day. He'd taken a step forward in his sexual growth by asking me to get myself off in front of him. He'd been forceful when he'd fucked me on the desk. He had me wondering what was coming next and wanting more. I also wanted to reward him for being so bold that afternoon. He definitely deserved a gold star for his performance.
I started with a shower and then fixed my hair and applied some light makeup. All the while wondering what I should wear. In the end I decided that meeting him at the door wearing something too sexy would take the attention off of him and his plans. I wanted the night to be all about Soryu and whatever it was that he wanted to do. So I chose a short black dress and skipped the bra but put on a lacy black thong. I loved it when he slipped his fingers into my panties to play with my pussy. It was one of my favorite things.
After getting dressed I set some candles around the bedroom and pulled the bedspread off the bed. By this time it was past 8:30 and there was still no sign or word from Soryu. I went into the kitchen, put on an apron and made some rice balls and rolled eggs. I knew that he would appreciate a midnight snack. By the time I was finished with the food it was almost 9:30 and I was starting to get antsy. There was nothing else I could do to prepare and I was too excited to occupy myself with the tv or my phone.
Thankfully, before I had time to start going crazy, I heard the front door open and Soryu called, "I'm home."
I hurried out to the front door. He was wearing his typical suit and a long coat, snowflakes were melting into his dark hair. He looked perfect, hot and sexy. He smiled at me and I saw the determination in his eyes. It made my stomach feel weightless with nervous anticipation. I was so excited to experience whatever he had planned.
I took his coat from him, hanging it up while he took off his shoes. When I turned to look up at him he caught my arms in his hands and pushed me against the wall, his mouth descending quickly to capture my lips in a ravenous kiss.
I sighed with satisfaction into his mouth, pulling him closer and meeting each bold stroke of his tongue. He tasted and smelled delicious and felt so good pressed against me. The desire that had been simmering since this afternoon flared up in my stomach and raced to heat up every cell in my body. I regretted wearing the dress. I wished that I'd met him in just the panties or nothing at all. I wanted my skin bared to his touch. I wanted him to push me down and take me right there on the floor.
He pulled away from the kiss to skim his lips up my jaw and nuzzle my ear. "Have you been here long?"
"Long enough that I was about to start going crazy," I said with a little moan, reaching a hand up to stroke the strong column of his neck. "You know I hate to wait."
"I was having a hard time myself. It's not easy to focus on talk about investments and profits when all I can think about is this." He pulled down the front of my dress and cupped my tits in his hands. I moaned, arching into his touch while he massaged my breasts with gentle squeezes and then dipped down to kiss and lick each nipple.
When he stood back up I reached for his tie but he batted my hands away. "Let's go to the bedroom."

In the bedroom I turned around to look up at him, expecting to go back into his arms but it was like he'd changed into a different person in the handful of seconds it had taken us to walk to the room. His softly glowing eyes and warm smile were gone. In their place was a firmly set jaw and eyes that sparked with a hot energy.
I froze as I caught sight of him. My first thought was that I'd done something wrong and he'd discovered it on the way into the bedroom. As my mind raced to review everything I'd done that evening and pick out the mistake he said, "What's your safe word?"
My heart beat with a big thump as my mind and body tried to switch gears between 'oh shit, what did I do wrong?' and 'safe word? Things are going to get good!' I licked my lips and said, "Beach."
"Take your clothes off."
It only took a moment for me to pull off my dress and panties. I watched, my heart pounding, as he walked over to his closet and stripped to the waist. Then he reached into the closet and pulled out a coil of rope.
I gasped with surprise and felt excitement explode within me, shivering over my skin. I was so happy to see that rope that it was all I could do not to throw myself at him or start bouncing around the room. I controlled myself for him. He was being so very serious, I didn't want to ruin the mood by squealing with delight or gushing about how thrilled I was.
"Get on the bed."
I moved automatically in response to the deep command in his voice and went to sit on the bed. He followed close behind holding the rope and a pair of safety shears. I eyed the shears, my pulse jumping eagerly when I saw them. This was not a random whim to tie me up, this was real effort and proper equipment. As he began to work a single-column tie around my left wrist, my assumption was proven. He'd obviously done his homework, read books or watched videos. His movements were quick and sure.
He worked silently, constructing a single-column tie on my wrists and ankles before instructing me to lie in the center of the bed. He then tied a single-column tie to each of the bed posts and drew the bight down to the ties on my limbs to create a pulley on each corner of the bed. He cinched the pulleys until I was spread eagle and rendered motionless. I watched as he stood at the end of the bed and surveyed his work, heat flushing my skin as I lay open before him.
I'd been tied up plenty of times before. I'd had a long-term fuck friend who was heavily into shibari. He, his brother and his friend had all tied me up on many occasions, but it had felt completely different from this. Soryu's hands had moved with quick precision over my skin. He had been businesslike and cold, focused on forming the ropes into ties, but his fingers had still felt sweet on my skin. I hadn't been waiting impatiently for the tying to be completed so that we could get to the good stuff, instead I'd been filled with a quiet pleasure. With each loop of the rope, every brush of his fingers, every knot that was tied, I'd felt the connection between us and his power over me growing stronger. By the time he was finished, I was trembling with desire and aching for his touch.
I watched as he took off his pants and climbed onto the bed wearing only his boxers. Bits of conversation were popping up in my brain. Had he always been interested in shibari? Where did he get this idea? Where did he learn to do this? Had he been practicing? It felt so good. I felt so good and normally I would be telling him all about it. But I couldn't speak, my words were drowned in a deluge of feelings, lost amidst a torrent of desire. I looked to him to touch me, to fuck me, to rescue me.
I took in slow, deep breaths as he positioned himself next to me. I was letting such a simple thing overwhelm me. I needed to remain in control and focus. I'd taught him how to please me and now he had me bound and at his mercy. It was time for me to be paid back for all of my hard work.
He reached out and ran his finger up my side and over the curve of my breast. A cry escaped my lips, too soon and too loud. It revealed just how hot I was, how much I'd gotten turned on just by being bound by him. I looked at him, expecting to see his eyes glinting with triumph and a smirk on his mouth, but this was Soryu. He wasn't like any other man. His was focused on his hand as he traced over the lines of my breasts, drawing out more cries, not because I wanted to give them to him but because I couldn't hold them back.
I strained at the ropes that bound me, pressing myself as best as I could into his hands. My thighs were burning. I wanted to squeeze them together to quiet the throbbing in my pussy but I couldn't. I opened by mouth, ready to tell him to fuck me, but before the words could pass my tongue I realized that it would be futile. This would not be a normal fuck. He had my body in his hands and he would do with it as he wished. He hadn't even touched a nipple yet, he wasn't going to fuck me just because I told him to.
I watched as he circled his fingertip over the smooth white flesh surrounding my nipple before drawing a swirl over the rougher pink skin until he reached the nub in the center. He tapped his finger just on the tip of the nub, rubbed back and forth and then drew tiny circles on it. I bit my lip, not wanting any more moans or cries to escape. They sounded like defeat. I didn't want to give him too much, too fast.
I'd never thought of myself as weak to sex. I'd thought of myself as hot, sexy, easily aroused, ready to go. It never took long for me to get wet. I always wanted fucked right away. It didn't take ages of foreplay to get me going. But now that Soryu was in control my intense arousal felt like a deficiency. I should have been stronger than this, more in control and blasé about the whole thing. I was the experienced one, the teacher, the mentor. A bit of rope and little titty fondling shouldn't have me feeling desperate.
His hand moved over to my other breast, cupping its curves while his finger and thumb lightly pinched and tugged at the nipple. His mouth descended to the nipple that his hand had abandoned, his tongue licking hot and wet before drawing it into his mouth and sucking. I stopped trying to fight my moans and instead strained at the ropes, feeling anger mix with my desire, pushing myself towards him as best as I could.
His teeth scraped over my nipple and then settled in to worry it with gentle bites that became increasingly hard. My pussy clenched, aching for his cock and my clit twitched in the warm wet nest of my lips.
I gave up. I was far too easy. Not in control and pushing forward like usual, just a weak cunt that needed to be fucked. "That's enough," I said, tugging at my bindings hard, feeling them bite into my skin. "Just fuck me already."
"Shut your mouth," he said, his voice was casual and held no anger. "If you can't I'll gag you."
His words shot cold down my spine and hot through my pussy. My mind was shocked and struggling to understand. I was always in control when I fucked. It didn't matter if I was tied up or taking it in all holes. I ran the game and called the shots. I could play at giving up control, but I'd never truly done it.
I licked my lips and gazed down at the top of Soryu's head. His mouth still played with my nipple and licked over my breast. If I was free, I'd thread my fingers into his hair and pull his head away from me. I'd push him over onto his back, climb onto him and put his cock into my pussy myself. I'd push and pull and I wouldn't take no for an answer.
His mouth moved to take in my other nipple and I realized that while I was lost in thought my body had been running free. I was letting out a moan with each breath and using the little bit of play in the ropes to rock rhythmically towards him. I clenched my teeth together, biting off my moans, and tried to regain control of myself but it was too late. I was lost, my body had betrayed me. It responded to his every caress and Soryu was not fighting fair.
He raised up and began strumming his knuckles over my nipples, a move that I had taught him to give me a titty orgasm. I opened my mouth and let out my cries as a biting pleasure gathered in my nipples and radiated throughout my body. I looked at him and found that his eyes were ready to capture mine and hold them as the feelings in my chest built towards a crescendo.
This was not a fuck. This was something different altogether. This was the opposite of what I had always searched for in a fuck. That mind-numbing diversion that focused everything on the physical and turned off my feelings and my memories. That's why I always stayed in control, why I always pushed forward to another sensation and didn't allow anything to linger.
Soryu was breaking all of my unspoken rules, pushing past my boundaries. He was laying my emotions bare, stripping away all of my defenses. I could feel the love in his every touch and see it in his eyes. Love and more. Things like cherish and protect and indulge. They fell into me and I had no shield to defend myself with. My own feelings rose up to meet his. My love for him as well as things that I hadn't even known were there, things that I had never looked at or examined. I wanted to nurture him, to support him, to bind him to me.
I was awash in feelings, both his and mine, and the pleasure in my nipples peaked, casting me into an orgasm that rolled through me, pitching my body the barest bit forward as I once again cursed the ropes that bound me.
I lay gasping as Soryu's mouth returned to my breasts and his tongue lapped over my skin. I was quaking inside, unable to cope with the emotions that flowed through me like a river. This was really too much. It felt like an invasion of my deepest self, a place that I largely kept hidden even from my own consciousness.
As his hand trailed down to cup and massage my pussy, I felt tears build in my eyes. I didn't know if I could go on. My emotions were raw, too fresh, too new. I was drowning in them, unable to escape. As his fingers spread my lips and rubbed gently over my clit, my feelings tangled with my physical need and it felt as if my soul itself were reaching up to him. I wanted to hold him in my arms, to pull him close to me, down into the patchwork mix of emotions that was my love for him.
I almost said my safeword. This was not anything that I had ever wanted from sex. I did not want to be vulnerable. I did not want to feel these emotions. I wanted to keep my deeper feelings tucked onto a shelf, hidden away. I wanted everything to stay casual and shallow. Safe and secure.
But I had never used my safeword before. I'd never tapped out due to pain or discomfort with any other man. My pride wouldn't allow me to say my safeword and my heart wouldn't allow me to tell him to stop. My heart wanted this. It had been neglected and suppressed. It wanted to draw Soryu deep inside and smother him with the feelings that I'd been holding back.
He'd taken off his boxers and was settling between my legs. His hands stroked over my thighs and gripped my hips, tugging experimentally, his eyes on the ropes that held me in place. I gasped for air, nearly overwhelmed by how close he was to entering me. I wanted it desperately and I feared it. What would it feel like to have him inside of me when my heart was completely exposed to him?
He brought himself to my entrance, the head of his cock slipping between my lips and pushing inside. My body was overstimulated, too aroused, hypersensitive. Just his tip entering me and gliding past my lips made me want to scream. And there was nothing that I could do to stop him. Nothing that I would do. I was already splayed before him, more vulnerable than I had ever thought possible. I would not turn back now. I would not give up.
He pushed further inside of me and my pussy walls flinched around him. My mouth was open in a continuous moan as my body stretched to accommodate his girth. It was too intense, too real, the pleasure in my pussy so sharp that is felt as if it would break me apart. Normally, I would be pushing myself into him, forcing him into me quickly, getting to the orgasm as soon as possible, but Soryu was intent on moving slowly. I felt every millimeter of my body opening up to accept him, shivering as he slid deeper, stroking my sensitive interior with his rock hard cock.
His slow entrance seemed to last forever. By the time he pressed against my cervix I was whimpering with need and straining towards him. Fully seated, he cupped the back of my head in his palm and kissed me, his lips and tongue gently questing, full of love and tenderness. I had never felt so close to him. He was everywhere. He was everything that I could see, taste, smell and feel. He was buried so deep inside of me, it felt as if he was touching my heart.
I sobbed as I felt it, the bright warmth of his love tangling with mine, skittish and needy. He enveloped me, he filled me, he took all of me into his embrace. His lips left mine and trailed over my cheek before he rose up on his hands and began making love to me. His cock gently thrusting, hot and slick, sliding slow then building in speed and force as I lost touch with everything except the feel of him moving inside of me.
Orgasms came one after another, building and crashing as I lay beneath him open and defenseless. My mind was clouded, overcome with passion and the feel of him moving inside of me. I couldn't think, I could only feel. His warmth, his love, his body, filling me, merging with me, finding my most secret places, binding to me. I had no true knowledge of these things that I always ran from - my emotions, my heart, my soul - and no way to protect them once my walls were breached. He plundered me, gathering my emotions and sowing his within me. I would never be free of him.
I felt him thrusting into me hard and spilling his seed. It signalled the end but I was still lost in waves of emotion that crashed in me even as my body continued to spasm and tremble with the aftermath of my orgasms. I lay boneless beneath him, my body covered in a mixture of my sweat and his, as he dropped kisses on my lips, my cheeks, my neck and my chest.
He moved to release me from the bindings, he hands working quickly to free me. First one hand and then the other. When I was freed I had to touch him. I had to keep my hands on him as he untied my ankles. I had to be near to him. He was my refuge as raw emotions continued to flare unbidden inside of me. I needed him. I could not be parted from him.
He completed his task and moved to take me in his arms, surrounding me in his embrace, holding me tight. He brushed kisses over my forehead and began to speak, his voice low and deep. "I love you. I love you so much. I didn't expect things to be that intense. Thank you for giving yourself to me. It was beautiful. You were beautiful."
"I love you," I answered and the words came from a place that was truer and deeper than ever before. An hour ago my understanding of my love for him had been shallow and immature, a mere fragment of what really lay in my heart. He was right, it was beautiful, tender, strong and all-consuming.
I lay in his arms and even dozed a little. Until the fear began to creep back and panic jangled through my veins. I pushed away from him. He was asleep, his cheek resting against my temple. It had never been this painful. I had always run without a backwards glance or with just the slightest twinge of missing him. Now, he was embedded so deeply inside of me, my only option was to tear myself away. To feel the pain of separation, the ache of loss.
A sob broke from me. He was looking up at me, his dark eyes curious and sleepy. My heart was crying out, asking how I could leave him like this. I needed him and he needed me. It demanded that I stay in his arms all night and hold him close. But the fear was stronger. It always had been, stronger than anything else I had ever known. It pushed me away from him and off the bed.
"I have to go now," I said. I was crying. The fear and the loss battling inside of me, tearing me apart. "I don't really want to."
The truth, but also a concession, a gift for him because I could see the pain of loss reflected in his gaze. I turned to reach for the black dress and pull it on. I didn't want to see the torment in his eyes. It had always been there, but was usually mixed with acceptance and understanding. He was vulnerable now too, after what we had shared. He was struggling to hide his disappointment.
"There's food in the kitchen. If you don't eat it now then you can have it for breakfast." I hurried towards the door. The pain was feeding the panic. I had to get out of there.
"Sakiko."
I turned back to look at him, already halfway through the door.
"I'm always here when you need me."