"While I know you say you intend to save everyone, I have to wonder. Does that fully mean everyone? Even Rhea?" Sothis asked as the trek to the monastery nearly reached its conclusion. The walls of the place were nearly in sight by now, and from experience, Byleth knew the last 10 minutes usually passed by the fastest. She couldn't nessisarily speak to answer Sothis in those moments so she just thought about the answer really hard. They shared a headspace so hopefully, the little goddess would get the picture.
In truth, it did in fact include Rhea. For all the atrocities committed by the woman, there was a person underneath. A person who'd been robbed of everything and was desperate for a mother's love once more. A mother stolen from her. Byleth could sympathize. On top of that though, Byleth could feel Sothis' linger emotions. While this Sothis was only a ghost of the consciousness that once existed, she still had emotions and thoughts that Byleth could feel. Including love for a daughter who'd experienced great misfortune. Rhea. Seteth. Flayn. She'd protect all of them because that's what the deep and old feelings boiling in her chest told her to do.
But she'd also protect humanity because that's what those thoughts told her to do. Protect, guide, and lead, but try not to coddle. Stupid, beautiful mortals. She'd always loved them so deeply. Er. Sothis had always loved them. Byleth had on a technicality she thinks started out as one. Or perhaps a demi-god would be more proper considering Serios, in a weird twist of fate, had acted as Byleth's grandmother. These idiots needed guidance.
Glancing at the soon to be students, that was exceptionally true. Dimitri and Claude had begun bickering over one of her stories. Talking about the validity of being able to fight a dragon. She wasn't making the story up, it just hadn't happened yet. But they didn't need to know about the Immaculate One right now. She'd changed the story a great deal and told a version of it that had none of the house leaders anywhere near the transformed Rhea. It was the second reset, she believed, where she sided with the church against Edelgard.
Back then she'd been feeling a little betrayed by Edelgard. She felt hurt and thought that maybe there were some atrocities she could prevent if she sided with the church. Unfortunately, her decision had the opposite effect. Crest Beasts, White Beasts, Demon Beasts. The Immaculate One. That's all the second reset had amounted to, built on the corpses of her students and those she considered friends.
She'd learned something important about herself and her new existence during that route. Gods are not all-powerful as humans think them to be. Sure, some of powerful. Some are strong enough to create entire worlds. Sothis was, is, and will always be the Mother Goddess who created the world in which Fódlan exists. She did not create the universe. While a Goddess of time at her very core, she can't very well see the future either. There are too many possibilities to map and while it's possible to go down a single chain it would take between weeks and years for Byleth to sift through enough options to find a remotely happy ending. Though her intuition didn't seem to be getting her there any faster.
Siding with the church had hurt in ways she didn't particularly care to linger on.
It had certainly stung, but it'd made the Golden Deer route so sweet. Claude always survived by merit of the fact he listened to Byleth whenever she said kneel or run. He was more than happy to bend a knee, as long as it was to her. Edelgard? Dimitri? Rhea? None of them seemed to mean anything. But he recognized something in Byleth that Byleth, in turn, saw in him. Cunning. Ferocity. The willingness to dirty a blade and a battle tactic as long as it meant keeping you and your people alive. Keeping as many innocents as possible alive. He knows the rules. There is no honor in a war.
And he saw that Byleth understood that well enough. So whenever it came time to attack the Alliance Claude would say 'here, take it' and go back to the lands where he was a price and could work on a better future. In the Church and Golden Deer endings this made for an interesting little quirk where Byleth became the Queen of the entire continent. She was never sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing to be completely honest.
In all four times she'd faced down the future, she'd gotten no closer to a happy ending.
"Four..." Sothis quietly muttered in the back of Byleth's mind. The woman turned her attention to the remnants of the Goddess, curious as to what kind of puzzle Sothis was about to sink her teeth into. Sothis enjoyed puzzles, always loved working through problems until the solution was simple. She liked putting together the pieces until everything made sense and she had a full picture to work off of. It was to be expected of a Goddess who had the luxury of all the time in the world.
"Ah, think nothing of my mutterings for right now," she dismissed quickly when Byleth's attention turned towards her. "It just feels as though something's missing, but I can't quite place my finger on what..." Byleth shook her head slightly in order to better focus on what was to come. She quickly tried to brush a stay hair out of her gaze when her hand caught against her ear and she nearly jumped out of her skin. "What the? What happened to our ear!" While Sothis still considered them both to be individuals she'd come to accept that at this point they were also equally both the Goddess. Both equally Byleth and both equally Sothis, though still distinct enough to exist as singular entities. This form wasn't Byleth's. It belonged to Byleth and Sothis. And there was something wrong with it.
In all of the resets, Byleth would always begin physically the same as at the start. She would have blue eyes and teal hair and a blank expression which betrayed no emotions. Refused to betray the gaze of an actual deity which swirled under the well-practiced guise. Nothing ever remained of the last reset, and certainly nothing new suddenly appeared without warning.
Just as the monster had been new, something else new appeared. Byleth's ears. Her ears were pointed. Much like the true form of Sothis. She could feel their combined panic at the realization. This was new and different and wrong. It meant that something was broken. Or changed forever.
She didn't know where to even begin thinking about that though. Changing the past is harder than changing the future. Especially while one exists in the future. For something to have changed, something earth-shattering would have had to happen. But nothing like that happened in the last reset. All she did was side with Edelgard... It seemed as though she became a human again at the end, after the passing of the Immaculate One. That obviously wasn't true. Her change in appearance was symbolic to the disappearance of the Crest Stone in her chest. But Sothis and her status as a deity was something that had been bound into her soul. If anything, it could have been called symbolic of the fabric of Byleth's existence and reality finally becoming a singular whole with Sothis.
Thinking about it in a different sense, the Crest Stone had almost seemed to bind Sothis' powers in a way that kept them from truly becoming a singular entity regardless of the differences in their consciousness. When it broke, Byleth could feel herself gain a level of control that hadn't been present before. Perhaps that had been the change? But why her ears? There shouldn't be any correlation. If something was going to change it should have been her eyes or her hair, but her ears? Those didn't ever change.
Sothis grew very quiet for a long moment, thoughts racing as fast as Byleth's. "Put your hand to your chest. Check... check for a heartbeat." Sothis sounded hesitant at best. If she didn't know any better Byleth might have even called her tone of voice fearful. Byleth was certainly scared.
No one was really paying much attention to her the closer they got to the monastery. The lords were speaking with her father who had launched into some kind of grandiose tale. He didn't really like telling stories all that often, but when he did they were good which ensured no one would pay any attention to her. She quickly pressed her right hand against her chest, pressed to the skin right over her heart, and waited. Half a second. Thump. Another quick pause. Thump.
Her heart. It was beating. That meant so many things that Byleth was frankly terrified to think about. It meant the Crest Stone in her chest was gone. It meant she had a level of control over her and Sothis' powers that she'd never had before. It meant that her dynamic with Rhea could change in ways that almost made Byleth balk at the thought of getting near the woman. It meant there was a good chance she wouldn't be able to wield the Sword of the Creator anymore. Her mouth felt dry and she started to feel dizzy. But mixed within the fear she could taste the excitement. Now that she was aware of it she could feel the way her heart was fluttering in her chest. That fragile fledgling beat pounded in rhythm with the spikes of her terror and excitement.
Sothis went silent again. Byleth didn't mind. Sothis was present whenever she needed to be. Perhaps she was thinking or sleepy. Resetting certainly wore Byleth out so she doubted Sothis was much better. It didn't stop a small amount of worry to cloud her thoughts as the Goddess remained fairly quiet. Asleep. Surely, she must just be asleep.
Sothis would be there if Byleth needed her though. Byleth could trust in that as though it was fact. And given the fact they were about to come upon the monastery, Byleth was about to need her. Facing Rhea on her own had become an impossibility. Fear, anger, disgust, pity, all of those emotions were so thoroughly mixed into a total mess that made it hard to keep her thoughts straight when she was around the Archbishop.
At the end of the day, she feared Rhea most because she knows the blood in their veins is the same. No matter what way she wished to twist it. When all was said and done she shared the soul of Rhea's mother and her own mother had been crafted from Rhea's blood and hands. It was a bit of a messed up family tree if Byleth was being totally honest.
She sometimes wonders about what her mother would think, nearly as much as she wonders what her mother was like.
The difference that stands between Byleth and Rhea is the same difference that sits between Byleth and her students. It's a compassion that most of them have abandoned by virtue of their needs in order to accomplish far-flung goals. Rhea only ever wished for the return of the mother humanity took. Edelgard wanted to create a society that was more equal. Dimitri wanted to protect those he thought innocent from those he thought wrong.
Each one paved their path to hell with good if not deeply misguided intentions. Their mistakes were undeniable as they were bountiful.
Claude... Claude is the one lordling who shared ideals with Byleth regardless of the number of resets which came to pass. He was the one who encouraged his soldiers to turn traitor and flee if it kept them alive. He was the one who tried to use dirty tactics and forsake honor if only to keep the smallest amount of blood from being shed. He was also the one who hesitated the most to kill, favoring debilitation and negotiation and tactics above and honorable battle. That was where she found herself to be similar to Claude and different from the three others she could choose to put her allegiance behind.
And yet for all of those desires, all those wants for a happy ending... how many times has her hand been forced? How many times has she killed her own students? She's done her best to sway her students in the past, going as far as to convince everyone to side with whoever she'd favored for the reset. Everyone except for the enemy lord and their vassals.
She can't stand it anymore. She really can't. It hurts too much. But she knows that she has to keep going because at this point she's the only one with the head on her shoulders and the magic in her veins to twist and turn and tug at fate until a better option becomes available. Because there has to be a better option. She knows it, deep down in her heart. All the way in her soul. She can feel the pulling of another option. A future she can win for her students that's actually bright.
Regardless of the fear and terror that the sudden changes to the regular reset routine have brought, sometimes change can be a good thing. At least, she hopes so anyway.
She can feel her fragile newborn heartbeat doing flips the moment she steps onto monastery grounds. No one seems to pick up on anything odd with her actions for a moment, but her father does seem to take note of something. If not her hesitance, then at least something. She's memorized these grounds. It's technically been a great many years since she first started teaching, she likes to think she's gotten good at it. The air stills in her lungs and burns her for a second. She's going to have to pick a house again.
That always seems to be where the problems start. Dedicating herself to one house usually endears that house to her, but estranges her to the rest. Sure, she's still a teacher for the whole school just as the rest of the staff are. But to stand with one particular house is to be their teacher before she's a teacher to the rest of the students. If she sides with the Black Eagles, then the students in the Golden Deer would sooner go to their designated teacher than they would her. This wouldn't be a problem if she didn't need desperately to build up a rapport with both Edelgard and Dimitri if she had any hopes of derailing the awful fate the two seemed to be bound for.
On top of that, she felt that if she tried to pick a house now it would just bind her onto one of the paths she'd already walked. Siding with whatever students she so favored. She could always try teaching one house and then converting to the other after her 5-year sleep, possibly guilting one house into seeing the point of view of the other. Then again, knowing both Edelgard and Dmitri's resolves that would be an impossible task.
If Byleth was anything though, it was resourceful. Years of leading a mercenary's life had led her to quick wit and cunning when it came to strategies. She wasn't good with people, but she was good with numbers. Variables, actions, taking one series of actions to cause other resulting factors to slip into place. For a mercenary like herself knowing what enemies to target, what attacks to use, it was all live or die in learning. Perhaps humans and their emotions are a little more complicated than stab person a to route person b, but insert conversation a with person b to convince person c of outcome d wasn't too dissimilar. It was all about picking her battles and using the right methods of attack. Who succumbed to guilt? Who could she convince that could do the convincing of the house leaders for her?
The interesting thing about a war is that you need people to fight it. Defang a snake and it simply can't bite any longer. Take away a leader's soldiers and they're left with nothing but their words. In those moments they're forced to either find a peaceful solution or yield. That was of course all well and good, but how do you defang the future rulers of a country? She could easily sway almost every member of every house to disobey their leader. Huber, Hilda, and Dedue were impossible to sway, but they could be shown reasonable explanations and outcomes to at least get them not to fight on their leader's behalf as long as that leader wasn't in direct danger. Hilda wasn't even a problem considering Claude could quite easily be convinced to dip the moment things went south. He was already the prince of a foreign kingdom, his stakes in this battle were relatively low.
While Byleth isn't certain she can convince the house leaders not to fight, she does believe there are ways to rob them of the resources they need. Noble houses whose children currently attend this school and can be very gently swayed. Byleth had her methods, certainly, she'd learned a lot having to endure two separate Queenships after the death of Rhea and Claude's ambivalence when she followed each respectively. Not to mention she knew personal details about certain people she wasn't above abusing.
Perhaps there was one more path she had yet to entertain, though she wasn't certain how in the name of herself she was actually going to manage it. Not picking a class. Somehow convincing Rhea she was unfit to teach or that her time would be better spent as a teacher's aid. Such a path would certainly give her access to all of the students, not to mention put her on a more equal level with all of them. It would leave one of the classes without a teacher, but she could lobby for her father to fill that position and that might just be enough to keep him out of harm's way. Byleth could keep a keen eye on everything without the distraction of a class while still being close enough to her students that she could begin swaying and molding them in a way that might foster a healthier future for the lot of them.
It would also leave her with plenty of free time to dabble with... other tasks and experiments she hadn't gotten the chance to. Her powers as a Goddess felt stronger than ever so she'd very much like to try her hand at using them. Giving Crests, removing Crests, trying to push herself farther into the past than the 7 years she and Sothis were usually able to scrape together at the very tail end of a reset.
Imagine if she could go back 10 years or even 20 years. She'd entertained the thought before, thought about what she might be able to do. What she could be able to do. She didn't know if she'd wake up in her usual body like with the 7-year resets or if she could manage something different. If she could manage to push back far enough she could save Edelgard and Dimitri from the tragedies of their lives before they even knew they were coming.
It was a fun thought to entertain, though she didn't know the possibility of actually being able to pull it off.
And then there was the kind of power she'd have if she learned how to get rid of or give away Crests. Getting rid of obviously was of greater interest to her considering the condition of certain students who she'd very much not like to die before they have the chance to turn 40.
Alois' loud words managed to yank her from her idle thoughts. "I'll get these students situated back where they belong. The two of you should head off to see Lady Rhea. I'll send someone to inform her of your arrival. I'm certain she'll be excited to see you after all these years!" Oh yeah, Byleth was sure she would be. The question was then if Rhea would stay excited.
"I don't believe she can sense me, but I think she might be able to sense the Crest Stone. Or the current lack thereof. There's no telling how all of this is going to go down," Sothis' voice finally added to the conversation. It made enough sense. Rhea could usually tell immediately what Byleth was, but that might just be a well-placed bet based on the fact her father is who he is. On the other hand, she's entirely oblivious to the existence of Sothis' consciousness or lack thereof in some resets.
Byleth could practically feel her father tense up as he nodded, moving a little closer to Byleth in that protective manner she'd grown accustomed to. "Guess it's time to face the music," he muttered mostly to himself.
Oh, he had no idea.