It took every ounce of Levi's courage to pass through those brothel doors without hesitation, and once he did so, he was met with the stink of cloying perfume and cigar smoke. He sneezed almost as soon as he walked in, holding his hand over his mouth and nose and his eyes watering. How was he supposed to spend the evening in here if the air smelled so bad? The sights weren't much better. This wasn't the fanciest brothel in town, taking more after the slummy English brothels versus the high class French ones, but that was to be expected. The customers in here, like Levi, weren't rich, so the prices these girls charged were all they could afford. So, the floors were dirty, the booze being served was cheap, and the laughter was raucous. There were also more than a few cats sleeping in corners of the floor, meaning the place was most likely home to more than a few rats and mice.

But he couldn't turn away, Levi told himself. He had to do this both for his sake and Eren's. Because he reasoned that perhaps the reason he didn't find women attractive was because he had never slept with one. Men were familiar to him, so maybe that was why he found them more appealing and desired their bodies? Maybe he could get himself to desire a woman's body if only he saw it in the flesh.

Taking a deep breath to steel himself, he made his way over to what he assumed was some kind of front desk, although that was a bit of a joke. There was a desk alright, but it had more than a few bullet holes that had been shot into it, and the seat the man behind was perched on was a wooden crate that might have once held alcohol turned upside down. Levi ignored the fact that there were many men already petting and pawing at several of the prostitutes in the main front room of the brothel; some had the girls in their laps, others were chatting them up in dark corners. Some even appeared to be playing with their mates in card games, most likely gambling, and each man had a girl sitting beside him. The loud, numerous voices made Levi long for his quiet room or Eren's peaceful barn.

When he stopped at the desk, he got the man's attention by saying, "Excuse me sir. I was wondering if you had any girls available for an hour or so tonight?"

The man looked him up and down. "Only an hour you say?"

Levi's forehead wrinkled as his brows drew together with worry. "Is that not long enough?"

The man gave a wheezy laugh and pulled out a log book, scanning down the list of names he had written there, before replying, "Son, there ain't many your age who can last an hour playing at St. George, but if you think you're up for a tiff, I've got these three girls who aren't engaged right now." He pointed them out in the main room as he said their names. "That blond over there is Lydia, that one with the black hair is Eva, and that one with the feather in her hair sitting on that gentleman's lap is Lottie. Any one of them is going to set you at twenty five dollars for the hour."

Levi had to resist shuddering; that was as much as he paid for a single month's rent. But all he had to do was picture Eren's face in his mind, and he laid the money down on the counter without looking at it. Satisfied, the man took it, nodding, and told him, "Alright, go and choose whoever you'd like."

The younger man stepped out onto the main floor, feeling very much like someone who was going to inspect a horse to decide whether or not he wanted to buy it. So too did he look at these women up and down, perhaps in a way that was over the top critical. It was more difficult than he thought trying to see which of the women found he attractive. Lydia was far too buxom, and he wondered how she could stand up with those breasts at all. Eva was too pale and sickly looking. Oh he was sure they were nice girls, but perhaps just to talk to. In the end, Lottie looked like she might be his best bet. Her skin was a bit darker, healthier, and she had almost no breasts at all. She also had a blinding, cheerful smile on her face, and the way she was interacting with the customers seemed effortless and fluid.

Oh God, he knew why he had chosen her. She looked and acted a lot like Eren.

Levi shook his head. No, he couldn't afford to think like that. He walked as confidently as he could over to the young lady and stood off to the side slightly until she stopped speaking to the other customers and caught sight of him. Her gaze roamed up and down his body, before a large smile curled her dark, shining lips. She hummed appreciatively. "Well hello there, handsome. I don't believe I've ever seen you in here before. What can I do for you?"

He swallowed hard and regarded her steadily. "Lottie, yes? I've been told you're available for an hour or so. If you don't mind, I'd like your company. I've already paid up front."

"Have you now?" she glanced back at the other patrons, including the man whose lap she was sitting on, and she said to that man, "That's certainly more than any of you scoundrels have done."

They laughed in response, and then she looked back up at Levi, her eyes shining, before she told her audience, "Alright then, I suppose I'll be back in an hour. Try not to miss me too much."

The man whose lap she was sitting on squeeze her around her his for a moment, before releasing her. When she stood up, she adjusted her corset, pulling it up as if trying to push up her breasts. However, as Levi noticed before, she hardly had any breasts to push up, and he hoped that would remain true even when she undressed. As she walked in front of him and led him into the back, he shuddered at the thought.

All too soon, she was guiding him into one of the low lit rooms, a room near other rooms where he could clearly hear the sounds of sex leaking from under the doors. He sighed heavily, trying to ignore how much the sounds disturbed him, and followed her in. She shut the door behind them, and while she removed the feather from her hair as well as her jewelry, Levi took in the room. There wasn't much here except for a single dresser and a bed, as well as a mirror. It wasn't fancy at all, more functional than fashionable, about as spare as his own room was at home. He supposed that made sense. No one was going to spend that much time in this room, were they?

He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, watching Lottie take off her over-sized earrings and lay them on the dresser. When she didn't hear him doing anything, she said to him, "You just make yourself comfortable, darling. I'm going to do the same."

"I, well"- Levi stuttered, "I've never done this sort of thing before. I mean, I've never…"

He trailed off, far too embarrassed to even say it. Luckily, Lottie picked up on his meaning, and finished, "Never made a stitch before?"

He shrugged. "Never had sex at all, honestly."

She paused after she put down her second earring, processing what he said. She then turned around, a sultry grin on her face as she made her way over to him, and when she stopped in front of him, she placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it slightly. "Now I can't believe that," she told him, "not with a jawline like that. It's so sharp I could slice carrots with it. You must have girls fanning themselves whenever you pass them."

If he had, he certainly hadn't noticed, and Levi had to keep himself from bursting out laughing. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. He froze up completely though and gasped when she stroked his cheek delicately and brushed some errant hair behind his ear. God above, her eyes were so close to the color of Eren's, and almost the same shape as well. Her hair was the same shade of chocolate brown as well, and it made his heart thump painfully in his chest.

"Come sit on the bed with me," Lottie told him in a low voice.

Stunned and feeling dumb from his lack of experience, he did as she said, following her without a word and sitting down next to her on the sagging mattress. For a moment, he sat there awkwardly, clearing his throat and placing his hands in his lap, squeezing them between his knees. She raised an eyebrow at him, still smiling kindly, asking, "Did you want to take off my dress? Most men would have had it halfway off by now."

Levi jumped a little bit at that, feeling sweat prickle on the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Oh, was I supposed to do that already?"

She breathed a laugh through her nose, placing a hand on his thigh. Levi looked down at her hand, feeling his skin jump at the feeling of her warm palm in such a sensitive area. He then looked back up her, trying not to let his nervousness show, and then to her shoulders. He took a deep breath, and letting it out shakily, spurred on by her expectant expression, he then began untying her bodice, before trying to slide her dress down off her shoulders.

"I'm not hurting you am I?" he wondered. When her dress would go down her shoulders no further, he paused, unsure of how to continue and then looking up at her helplessly.

She laughed gently, before helping him but standing up and removing her dress. "You are adorable. I've been slapped around and had a man's cod in every single hole I have, and here you are asking if you're hurting me just by taking off my dress. You at least have a woman you're courting, don't you? Because I don't believe someone as sweet as you could possibly be unattached."

He shrugged again, unable to meet her eye. "It's true. I don't really see myself as the courting type."

"Goodness, how many times are you going to say that?" Her petticoats landed on the floor with a soft plop, and Levi swallowed at the sound, feeling his nerves rise. He wasn't sure if she was naked yet or not, but either way he was too scared to look at her. When she saw that his gaze was turned away respectfully, she told him gently, "You can look. I don't mind. I've had many look at me before."

Levi steeled himself. He had never seen a naked woman before, so he supposed this would be the moment of truth. God, he was so scared he could hardly breathe. So, deciding to get it over with he finally lifted his gaze, dark eyes fixing onto her naked body and roaming over it. And he was both shocked and horrified by his own reaction.

He…had no reaction.

Levi blinked a few times. Objectively, she was attractive, she really was, he supposed. She had the small waist, the small hips and the small breasts. She had the smooth skin, the full bottom lip…but it aroused absolutely nothing in Levi. He had heard so many stories from his classmates in school on how just seeing a woman's bare ankles made them feel hot, and here Levi was seeing a woman's entire naked body and he felt nothing. Nothing but nervous and uncomfortable. He had a feeling this wasn't going to end well at all, but a niggling voice in his head told him he had to keep trying. So, when she strutted over to him confidently, letting her hips sway, and then eventually sat down on his lap, he let her. However, his arms stayed by his sides, hands clenched into fists, and when she noticed this, she sighed, the corner of her mouth quirking up.

"Relax," she breathed. "You are far too tense, darling. Let me help."

Lottie reached up and began massaging his shoulders, but it did nothing to ease the tension in them. She watched as he pursed his lips together, before suggesting, "You um- maybe it might help if we just jumped into it?"

She raised one shoulder and let it fall in a half shrug, nodding. "Well, since you've never had sex, I can't ask you what you like. So I suppose we can figure it out together, can't we? You don't mind me taking the lead?"

"Not at all. I'd prefer that actually."

"Sounds good to me, sweetie. I don't usually get to take the lead, so this will be fun."

She leaned in towards his face, and Levi leaned away. Seeing this, she stopped, tilting her head in question, and he explained, "I'd rather you didn't kiss me on the lips. I'm- well…" he trailed off, suddenly embarrassed to say anymore.

"Oh," Lottie said, "that's incredibly sweet. You want to save your first kiss for your sweetheart when you meet her?"

"That's- Yes, I'd rather do that, I suppose," he mumbled, face flushing visibly even in the low light.

"You precious little thing," she cooed. "I do hope you meet that sweetheart someday. She'll be lucky to have you. But in the meantime, I suppose I can help you discover what you like so you can coach her on your wedding night."

And with that, she leaned forward again and placed her lips lightly against his neck, brushing them against his skin. The touch was so light that it made Levi shiver, however it was because the movement tickled, not because it felt good. There was a heat rising under his skin, but it felt feverish, not pleasant at all. It only grew when she commanded him quietly, "Put your hands on my waist. Stroke me softly, nice and easy."

Her lips moving against his neck, Levi did as he was asked, moving on autopilot. He found himself staring at the opposite wall over her shoulder, wondering for a brief moment why he had put himself in this mess. Shivers were skittering under his skin and he could feel sweat prickling on his back. He had to resist shifting away, as he still had something to prove. He could do this. He could do this.

"Move your hands, love. Nice and light, women like to be touched gently," Lottie said, reaching under his coat and shirt to find bare skin. When her hands made contact, his stomach flinched backwards in surprise. He had to remind himself that he couldn't do that, that she would become suspicious eventually, and if she found out…

With that thought in mind, he forced himself to become more enthusiastic, rubbing his hands up and down her back, closing his eyes so he didn't have to look at her. It helped his revulsion slightly, but he couldn't ignore her sigh of pleasure when he started to become a more active participant.

"Lay on your back," she murmured against his damp skin. "I'll undo your pants."

He opened his eyes long enough to do as he was told and watch her crawl up his body, heading towards the waistband of his trousers, before he closed them again. It was too much to look at it, and he felt that if he wasn't careful, he was going to start hyperventilating. His chest was already starting to hurt and his legs were trembling, and he felt as if he was going to start crying. What was wrong with him? Why was he acting like this? This was what men were supposed to desire, he told himself. Every man strove for the touch of a beautiful woman; people had died countless times in history over affairs gone wrong and forbidden relationships because men and women were so driven to be together. So why couldn't he be the same way? Why, why, why.

He heard the clinking of his belt as it was tugged apart, and soon felt his pants being worked down his thighs. Just when he thought he was about to break down, an unbidden image of Eren appeared behind his closed lids, of his smiling face, his lovely green eyes staring down at him as they had that one afternoon. His dream came rushing back to him against his will, and it only became more vivid when Lottie took him in her mouth and began to suck him off. He gasped sharply, and immediately began wondering…is this what it would feel like if Eren was the one with his cock in his mouth?

Levi exhaled shakily, throwing his arm over his eyes as he fought thinking about the boy at a time like this. But he found that when he did, his panic and revulsion diminished significantly. His pulse still raced, but for an entirely different reason, and yet his body began to relax. The heat beneath his skin became more pleasant, and the clearer Eren became in his mind, the more the heat began to be replaced with that delicious burning. What if it was Eren, fully naked between his legs, calling him the things Lottie had? His mind wandered as it produced the boy's voice and gaze, his lovely, smooth body, his cock swollen with desire for the older man, nipples flushed and hard on his rapidly rising and falling chest. That pretty mouth on his shaft, sucking him enthusiastically, dark hair falling in front of his eyes, humming every once in a while so that the vibrations would intensify the sensation. Levi's mouth ran dry, and he began to arch his back ever so slightly, at last giving in to his fantasy.

"Does that feel good?" Eren breathed over his groin, even the air currents stirring Levi up and making his breath hitch. "Oh that's a yes. Easy sweetheart, I'm going to keep making you feel good, alright?"

Levi bit his lip, fighting a moan that wanted to escape, but too embarrassed to let it. Eren's voice was so lovely and gentle, his touch so soft and sweet. His expression of pleasure as he took him in his mouth was divine, and it made Levi want to touch him. He reached down with a shaky hand, and with some fumbling, placed his hand on the side of the boy's head, making a few clumsy petting motions. Eren looked up at him, eyes sparkling with mirth, before he lifted his head and leaned into the touch.

"You know, you'd have better luck if you opened your eyes," the boy said, smiling.

Levi trembled softly, wanting nothing more than to please him. He did as he was asked, wanting to see that pretty face more clearly. However, when he removed his arm and cracked his eyes open, it wasn't Eren that he was looking down at, but Lottie, still enthusiastically sucking him off, her short dark hair falling over her face. It wasn't Eren…oh God, this couldn't-

He couldn't do this.

He sat up in a panic, limbs flailing and breath coming in short, sickening bursts as he cried, "Stop, stop!" Luckily, Lottie immediately ceased her actions and got off of him. Levi could hear her asking if he was alright, but her voice sounded so distant, as if he was listening to it underwater. Besides, he wasn't sure if he was okay; he wasn't sure of anything at that moment, except that his chest hurt, his heart was threatening to fly up and out of his mouth with how hard it was pounding, and his limbs had begun to tingle. More than that, now he was sure that there was no way he could cure his sickness, for even when a woman had his dick in her mouth, he found himself unable to think of anyone but his boy.

Oh God, he was so sick, the worst kind of sinner. Even when he was sinning in a whorehouse, he couldn't stop other sins even worse from entering his mind.

"Levi," Lottie was asking from beside him, clearly too afraid to touch him again. "Talk to me, darling. What's the matter? You look like you're going to be ill."

"I'm- I'm…" Levi stuttered, panting, bent over double as sweat dripped down his brow. "Give me a moment."

She did so, watching him with concern the entire time. With shaky hands he eventually gained control over himself enough to pull his trousers back up and zip them up, deciding he would most definitely need a thorough shower later on. Seeing that he still wouldn't even look at her, Lottie decided it might be wise if she covered up, and she did so, pulling on a robe that was laying on the pillows. Once she tied it shut, her hands hovered over his shoulders, still hesitating to touch him, before she finally let them rest there. When he didn't react, she rubbed a hand up and down his back carefully, as if he was made of glass.

"Do you want some water?" she asked. Levi shook his head.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, still trying to gain control over his breathing. He clutched at his chest with one hand. "I'll bet you've never had a client do that before."

"Actually, I have," she admitted. A wry smile made its way on her face. "He turned out to be one of those and that's why he freaked out over seeing me naked. I guess he chose me because I had a body that was close enough to a man's, and well…" She paused, nothing how Levi's breathing had hitched and how he had gone completely stiff. Had she said something wrong? Or perhaps…something that had hit a little too close to home?

No matter how he tried to talk himself through it, Levi just couldn't stop shaking. Oh God, did she know? If she knew then there was no doubt in his mind that she would go to the authorities and he'd be thrown in jail. He hadn't committed any crimes, but there was no way she knew that. His life was over, this was it. He opened his mouth, about to go on the offensive, before she cut him off.

"I my opinion, it was rather sad what he did," Lottie continued, sitting back on her heels. Levi was so surprised by her words that he found himself looking up at her, hair covering one of his eyes from her view and small strands sticking to his forehead. She offered him a benign smile, and continued, "I could tell he was trying to cure himself, but he made himself so miserable that I don't think it was worth it. I know what society says, and I agree with them to a certain extent, but at the same time I don't considering I've seen what happens when people try to deny their true selves, and I don't like seeing people so unhappy. So, I hope he finds someone that makes him happy and no one finds out about his secret."

She looked at him meaningfully as she said those things, and Levi picked up on her double meaning, understanding that she meant them for him as well. He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering under the weight of her words and his own anxiety, dearly wishing he could disappear.

"Thank you for being so kind," he said eventually in a raspy voice, and then rifled around in his pockets, pulling out a few dollars and placing them on her lap. "And for putting up with me."

Lottie's eyes widened, and she shook her head, saying, "Oh no, I couldn't possibly take"-

"I insist," Levi pressed, taking his hand off the money. "Good advice like yours rarely comes around. I hope someday you meet someone as well who can pull you out of this awful place so more people can be inspired by your wisdom."

At that, her eyes filled with tears, and soon both of them were crying, but smiling as well. From then on, he liked to believe that it was fate that had brought the two of them together for that night, for it gave him an extra boost of courage that he sorely needed. And Lottie was reminded that kindness did indeed exist among men, and whether they were attracted to women or other men was of no consequence to someone like her. For if there was anything life had taught her, it was that all that mattered was someone's heart, for a kind heart in a cruel world was a far greater treasure than following society's morals.

000

Mikasa had known the minute Eren hadn't shown up for dinner that night that something was very wrong, as he was always the first one there so that he could avoid eating with their father. So, when his seat remained empty, she knew she was going to have to go looking for him. The problem was he could be hiding anywhere in any of the hundreds of rooms in this mansion. However, as she wandered the hallways with a candle in hand, she had a feeling of where he might be, as this was one of the places he tended to come to when things "went bad" with him, and lo behold, there he was, huddled up in the window seat of his mother's old room. He was hugging his knees tightly to his chest, chin resting on top of them. His expression was worryingly pensive, as when Eren thought too hard about things, they were usually bad thoughts. He had learned long ago to not express these thoughts to his father, because whenever he did, Dr. Jaeger became agitated and afraid, saying that he was just like his mother. And that meant…

She sighed, carefully shutting the door behind her and coming over to stand next to him. He didn't even acknowledge her presence, though he had to have heard her come in. Hesitantly, she put a hand on his shoulder, and when he had no reaction still, she asked, "Tell me what's on your mind. You know I'm not like father. Whatever it is, I won't ask to have you thrown in an asylum."

Eren remained silent, however, continuing to stare out the window, the moon reflecting in his glassy eyes. She gave him a slight shake, thinking maybe he had just spaced out and that's why he hadn't answered. "Come on Eren. You know I don't think you're crazy, just hurt. And I don't blame you. Losing mom was hard on all of us. I just want to know what's wrong so I can help."

"…he hates me," Eren mumbled in a quiet, raspy voice, so quiet in fact that she had to lean in to hear his response. "I know he does."

"Who, father?" Mikasa wondered. "No he doesn't, you're his son, he's"-

"Levi," he cut her off. "He hates me."

"That's not true," she insisted, looking down at what she could see of his face. "You've been nothing but kind to him every time the two of you have met up."

He scoffed, turning away from her a little more. "He hates me, I know he does."

"And what makes you say that?"

"It's Friday. He always comes over on Fridays. And today he didn't. So he's never coming back again. I blew it, I know I did. I got too touchy with him, like you always say I do with my male friends, and it scared him away." He gripped the sides of his head, digging his fingers into his hair and pulling at the strands, curling up even further into himself. "Why am I like this? Why can't I get anyone to stay no matter what I do? Everyone always leaves…mom, then Levi, now you'll leave once you realize"-

"Eren, enough. You know that won't happen. I love you, Levi cares for you deeply, and father loves you too, he just has a different way of showing it. No one is going to leave you."

"You'll all leave me…and then father will have me thrown in an asylum when he sees what a sinner his son is."

She tilted her head, eyes narrowing in confusion. Sinner? What did he mean by that? Yes her adopted brother was a bit odd, but he was no sinner. He was kind, he went to church…did he mean that he didn't obey their father? But many children rebelled against their parents. She sighed, running a comforting hand through his hair. "Father isn't going to send you to an asylum, I promise you."

"Yeah, because that would be an embarrassment to the family," Eren finally said bitterly. He kept his gaze fixed firmly on the window, though Mikasa could see where his grip had tightened on his knees. "Father would more than likely lock me up in one of these rooms and tell everyone I had run away rather than do that."

She didn't reply, because deep down, in her heart of hearts, she feared it might be true. It had happened to a couple of their father's friends where they had locked up a family member in their homes when they began showing signs of insanity. But Eren wasn't insane, just grieving.

Right?

"I hate myself," he said, and Mikasa was shocked to hear how strained his voice sounded. Sure enough, there were tears glimmering in his eyes. "I hate myself so much. I'm too scared to let Levi into my life, but I can't breathe at the thought of him going away. I'd do anything so that he'll like me, anything to keep him happy."

Ah. That must have been why Eren was offering Levi so many gifts, she figured. He felt that insecure that he felt he had to buy people's affections now. It was so different from how he used to be, trusting people so easily, not caring if they liked or disliked him. Her poor brother. When he did become attached to someone, he attached himself firmly, loving hard with no regard for the consequences. And now he had unfortunately paid them in full.

"If Levi ended up hating me…I don't think I'd be able to handle it," he told her, his eyes still staring out the window but not seeing what was in front of him. "I care about him more than I have about anyone in a long time. I might just…"

"…Might just what?" she asked hesitantly.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "It's just- it's hard living sometimes, isn't it?"

Something cold grip Mikasa's chest and she felt short of breath. "Eren…"

"No, it's nothing. Nothing at all…"

He trailed off, and when she tried to get him to speak again, he remained silent, leaving that cold shiver in her heart on just what he meant.

A/N: So, because they'll be appearing again in the next chapter, just curious as to who knows what the modern day name for the Poltalloch terrier is without looking it up. As a hint, they're the face of a famous brand of dog food. Lol I've also had two of them in my life, so I had to include them in this fic. Thanks for reading everyone! Also, if any of you are curious about the slang, it goes as follows:

Playing at St. George: A sex position where the girl is on top, like St. George being on top of the dragon when he defeated it.

A tiff: A quickie

Making a stitch: Having an affair

Cod: Penis