For the rest of the day, after Levi had washed and dressed in some of Eren's clothes, almost all of which he had to roll up because the pants and shirt sleeves were too long for him, he accompanied his host wherever he went on Eren's invitation. First, they went to a job that the younger boy was scheduled to carry out that day. It was a routine cleanup of a large farm in which they would be required to check on the rodent population as well as get rid of any ones they saw.

However, this was a special occasion, and Eren was very glad he had Levi's help.

"When we get there," he explained on the carriage ride over, all four adult dogs crowding around him on the seats, their tails wagging with anticipation, "you're going to monitor the little critters in that basket."

Levi looked down into the basket in his lap where ten little faces from all three litters looked up at him. Their eyes were bright, their tongues were hanging out as they peered over the basket to see where they were going, Levi having to push them back down when they tried to crawl out. Some of their ears were beginning to prick up already, which he supposed made sense. Eren said they were close to being old enough to be separated from their mothers, which was part of the reason why they coming with them on this trip.

"I want to see which of the pups are the most keen on what the older dogs are doing," Eren explained. "So while I'm working, you keep a watch on these little guys. Keep them near the action, and see which ones seem to be paying the most attention. Whichever ones are the gamest dogs I'm probably going to keep and train as ratters, or sell to my friends who also do this kind of work. The ones that aren't as game I'll sell as pets. I already have buyers picked out." Then he added with a wink, "And of course one is reserved for you. A game pup or a pet, whichever one you'd like. I'll let you have the first pick."

Levi met his eyes, seeing that he was smiling cheerily. The older man couldn't help but smile back, dipping his head a moment later when he felt his stomach begin to tingle and heat rise into his cheeks. "You're too kind."

"Only the best for my good friends," Eren said as he reached across and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it firmly. Levi's smile only grew, a warm glow filling his chest, trying to show him that the action was welcome and appreciated with nothing but that smile and the crinkling of his eyes at the corners. It was amazing how the tiniest of touches from his friend inspired the biggest feelings inside of him, feelings he was trying to teach himself to embrace and cling to rather than fear, but it was so very difficult.

His smile dropped as he gazed down at the puppies, wishing he didn't have to fight against his own mind. At this point, his heart wished he could accept Eren as more than a friend, but his mind still latched onto his own self-revulsion, societal expectation, and his parent's religious teachings being pounded into his head, telling him that this was wrong and shameful, not to mention illegal. Little did he know that Eren was still staring at him, trying to analyze his expression.

Why had Levi looked so happy when he touched him one moment and then so miserable the next? He wasn't trying to pull away, or telling him to stop touching him, so maybe he was upset for a different reason? Maybe he could try and ask.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently, dipping his head so that Levi was forced to meet his eyes again. "You can tell me anything. We're friends. You're practically my best mate. Whatever it is, I won't laugh."

Heavens, those green eyes were so deep and earnest, practically reaching inside of him and dragging the words out of him. I've fancied men for a decade now and I've never fallen harder for another human being as hard as I've fallen for you. He pursed his lips to try and hold them back, talking himself through the urge not to turn away from the piercing sweetness of his friend's gaze. It was so intense, so heart-breakingly earnest that he couldn't handle it. The only reason he found the strength not to open his mouth and spill the truth was because he knew if he did, Eren would never speak to him again.

So, he held his gaze, and shook his head, maintaining the benign smile. "I'm fine."

Eren took a second to process his words, before he leaned back, holding back a sigh, and instead replied, "Well if you ever decide you're not, I'm here, yeah?"

Levi's heart trembled, and his hands tightened on the handles of the basket. One of the puppies licked his hand, sensing his tension, the only form of kindness he felt he could accept at that moment that wouldn't break his resolve.

"I know. Thank you."

Later, when they did reach the farm, Levi was treated with the sight of Eren in one of his elements; working with his dogs. The dogs themselves were fun to watch as well. From the minute they burst from the carriage, they were ready to work, noses to the ground, following behind their master. Levi in turned followed behind all of them with the basket, finding a good place to sit down near where Eren set to work after speaking with the farmer. Since most of the ground was dusty, Levi set down a blanket in his chosen spot before sitting on top of it.

Before long, Eren began asking farm hands to help him lift hay bales or piles of timber, or even shoveling holes in piles of manure, any place where the rats might be hiding. And when they lifted the objects, the rats would scatter, causing Levi to jump. The puppies did in their basket as well, but for a completely different reason. Some of them remained calmly seated, but several of them jumped to attention, seeing the rats racing around and hearing their parents barking excitedly. Levi heard Eren's cries of encouragement to his dogs, though they needed little, all four of them scattering and catching the rats before dispatching them with rapid shakes of their heads that broke the backs and necks of their prey. At the sounds of the dying squeaks of the rats, many of the puppies began barking excitedly, trying to leap out of the basket and join in the hunt. With a laugh, Levi held them back.

"Don't worry, you'll all get a chance someday," he reassured them, "you're all game dogs."

However, a couple of the puppies were more frightened by the loud noises, and instead huddled into the edge of the basket closest to Levi's body. One of them even climbed up his chest with little whimpers, taking his time to pull down the front of his vest as best he could before climbing inside. Levi snorted when he turned around and let his head pop up from inside the vest, finally feeling safe enough to watch the action from there. "Are you comfy, young sir?"

He spared a hand to scratch him behind the ears, and the puppy thumped his head against Levi's chest with an overly dramatic huff, leaning his entire body against him. He asked the puppy, "Are you saying you want me to adopt you instead any of these other guys?"

Of course there was no answer, but the fact that the puppy was pressed so tightly against him and clearly found him to be a source of safety when he was frightened, as well as his content, half-closed eyes, was answer enough. Levi smiled down at the white puffball and told him, "Alright. We'll have to break the news to Eren later."

He continued to sit there, heart thumping heavily in his chest and his head feeling wonderfully light as he watched the boy entrenched in one of his passions. He looked like the beautiful, exquisite creature that existed in Levi's fantasies with his bright eyes sweat dampened forehead. He commanded his dogs and encouraged them all at the same time, a true leader of their pack. He looked like he was having as much fun as they were, and every time they brought him a dead rat he praised them like a father praising their children for a job well done. It filled Levi with secondhand pride, and only made him fall that much harder for the younger man.

But for a blessed moment, sitting there in the warm sun surrounded by all of these puppies with no attention fixed on him, the pressure to feel shame over that fact was lifted, and he enjoyed the sweet sensation for all it was worth.

000

That evening when they returned home, Eren suggested they go for a ride around the estate, eager to show Levi the fields that surrounded his sprawling home. The older man agreed excitedly; the idea of a ride at twilight with only the crickets, fireflies and deer for company was so romantic. Eren didn't even seem to mind too much when Levi admitted with embarrassment that he didn't have much experience on a horse. His family was far too poor to afford proper lessons, and that was really only something that the gentry did regularly. But the boy took it in stride, giving him the gentlest riding horse they had to start out on.

"You remember Hunter, yeah?" he said as they stood outside next to the barn, their horses all tacked up and ready. Levi nodded, holding onto the reins tightly. Far too tightly. Eren smiled gently, placing his hand over Levi's, stroking the tendons that were straining beneath the skin there. The older man held in a gasp, his body going stiff, but the other didn't seem to notice. "Relax. He's not going to bolt; Hunter is a patient boy, even though he's a stallion. If you mess up he won't get irritated with you or anything. He knows what to do for the most part. So just follow me and you'll do fine, okay? Now let me help you up."

Levi had no idea what his help might entail, but he wasn't going to question him, especially not when it came to the rules of how to handle a thirteen hundred pound animal. However, he was pleasantly and wonderfully surprised when he realized a second later that Eren's help meant that he stood very close to him, slightly off to the side while instructing him to hold onto the reins, put his foot in the stirrup and hoist himself up in a low, calm voice only a foot away from his ear. This was followed up by him giving a little hop and faltering, nearly landing in a heap on the hard ground, before Eren caught him around the waist and helped push him up the rest of the way. Levi practically wheezed as he registered Eren's warm palms bleeding through the fabric of his shirt, so much so that he nearly fell right out of the saddle. He scrambled to right himself, barely noticing as Eren adjusted his stirrups.

But he certainly did notice when the boy gazed up him for a long moment and remarked, "You look really good up there. You two make a handsome pair."

Levi felt a pleasant shiver roll down his spine, and he stared hard down at his hands as he replied, "Oh sure. I must look like a right fool."

"Nah." The younger man went over to his horse and hoisted himself easily up into the saddle. "The first time I ever tried to get into the saddle not only did I fall, but I fell because my horse bucked me off."

The older man couldn't help but snicker at the image, and Eren found himself laughing as well. He tilted his head toward the tree line off in the distance. "Come on then you. Give Hunter a cluck, that's all he needs to get going."

Eren demonstrated, clicking his tongue, to which his horse responded by starting off on a gentle amble. Levi imitated him, the sound feeling awkward in his mouth, but the more he did it, the easier it became, and that was all it took for his horse to obey him. It took him a moment to balance and adjust to the movement of Hunter's hips and how they moved his own, but true to his breed's nature, there wasn't much jostling; it was a relatively smooth ride. Eren had told him at one point that a Morgan's gait was so smooth that one could hold a glass of water while they rode them and not spill a drop and at that moment he believed him.

He rode side by side with the boy, not knowing exactly where they were going and not caring, simply soaking in the atmosphere around him. It was difficult not to stare at Eren's profile as they walked along, bathed in the low, dusky light of the setting sun, so Levi kept his attention fixed firmly on everything but. The leather from the saddles creaked, their hoof beats muffled by the soft grass. The darker it grew, the more fireflies began to blink into existence, and the louder the crickets and tree frogs became. It was ridiculously quiet and peaceful, so loud that Levi could hear the blood rushing in his ears, a far cry from the city noise he often heard in his apartment.

"This is nice," he commented. "The quiet and all. I feel very posh, riding on an expensive show horse around a wide estate for no reason other than I can. My worries are actually far away for a moment. Is this how you rich folk feel all the time?"

"Well, it's certainly how I feel all the time," Eren replied. "And if I had my way it would be like this all the time, just doing things that make me happy, or doing things to make my friends happy. If I could, I'd leave the house and never come back, live somewhere that my father would never find me where I could do what I please."

His voice had grown very tight, and it made Levi concerned enough that he finally looked over in his direction. "Eren?"

The boy sighed, and his horse tossed its head, feeling the tension in the reins. Eren patted its neck as he said, "Sorry. It's just that my father is getting really relentless lately about me doing stuff like finding a stable career for myself and getting married and such. Said either I look for a girl to court or he'll find one for me because, 'You're my only son and the family name has to be preserved and passed on, otherwise it'll bring shame to me and the rest of the family.' And that's nice and all except as you know, I don't want to get married to any old girl, especially not one my father picks out. Even if I did get married, I already know that marriage wouldn't produce any heirs."

Levi paused, processing what he said, looking for some meaning that he might be missing, before asking, "What do you mean?"

The boy laughed dryly, half to himself, before he looked over at him. "You mean you haven't figured it out? Levi, my dear friend, I'm one of the biggest inverts in the county. Since I've been this way since I was a child, I doubt there's a cure, so there's no way I'd be able to sleep with my wife on our wedding night."

Time stopped. A ringing started up in Levi's ears and wouldn't cease, making it so he barely heard anything after Eren admitted he was an invert. Eren. Was also interested in men. How could this be? There had to be a catch, right? Fate was never this kind to Levi, and it would simply never place someone in his path who would understand him so well, who may be the cure to his loneliness. God, that was all he wanted, to just not be stuck in the prison of his own fear anymore, of not feeling so terribly isolated thanks to his own confusing thoughts and desires despite people being all around him. He just wanted someone he could tell these sorts of things to, someone who he knew wouldn't get him in trouble. To lift that burden from his shoulders would be a gift beyond all others. All he had to do was force the words from his mouth: Me too. I'm the same way and I didn't think anyone else felt the way I did.

But years of fear kept them locked inside of him. He tensed his shoulders, and Eren tilted his head in concern, half for him, and half worried that perhaps he was going to reject him. "Levi? Listen, I told you because you're my best mate, and I figured you deserve to know."

The unspoken, "I trust you not to tell," hung in the air, and after Levi swallowed the lump in his throat, he replied, "Thank you for telling me."

Eren paused, and then asked uncertainly, "It doesn't bother you, does it?"

"No," he answered without hesitation. "Not at all." He laughed humorlessly. "You're my best friend too, Eren. Honestly at this point if you had told me you had murdered someone and needed help hiding the body I probably would have accepted that as well. I can't imagine you not being in my life anymore."

The boy snorted. "Well I suppose if that ever comes up I know who to come to."

They were both quiet for a moment, the only sounds being the crickets and the swishing of the grass as their horses walked through it, before Eren admitted, "I don't know what I'd do without you either. I mean that."

Those words sent a warm shiver up Levi's spine, and for a moment, his tongue was loosened. "Eren, you're not…I'm, well"-

"Yes?" he said, and he sounded so, dare Levi believe it, hopeful? His head was turned towards him, the orange light of the setting sun highlighting his green eyes.

But his momentary courage fled as soon as it appeared, and he backtracked. "Never mind. I'm glad you trusted me enough to say something. I promise you I won't betray that trust."

At the edge of his vision, Levi saw the boy open his mouth, as if he wanted to say something to press him further, but instead pressed his lips together in a benign smile. He then looked ahead of them and didn't comment further, instead switching the subject to something else. And though Levi was still too afraid to tell him the truth, he still felt closer to him than he ever had before, and the calm that settled over him as the sun sunk all the way under the horizon was like the night; warm, comforting, and stretching as far as the eye could see.

000

That scenery followed him into his dreams that night, soft and comforting and sweet, entrenching him so deeply in its spell that he felt it was real. He could smell the damp earth and hear the blades of grass whispering against one another, could see the fireflies illuminating his and Eren's skin with their brief flashes of green and yellow light. However, in this dream, the horses were gone, and both of them were as naked as the raw summer night, hidden in the taller blades of grass away from any prying eyes.

Levi heard the soft voice of the prostitute he had visited telling him once again what women liked, how they liked to be touched and pleased, and he had the urge to test her theories out on Eren as well. Levi was sitting in his lap, feeling his heart pound harshly, yet oddly he felt no fear here, only excitement. After all, this was just dream, so he could do whatever he wanted without repercussions. Eren was looking up at him with sparkling, expecting eyes, giving him that gentle smile he had on their ride and so many times before. He was waiting for Levi to do something, placing his hands on his waist, encircling him in a wonderfully kind embrace. Even that was enough to arouse Levi; Eren's kindness was one of the most attractive things about him, and any trace of it, whether directed towards him or someone else, always endeared Levi to him.

Levi took a deep breath and let it out slowly, encouraged by Eren's touch, and carefully ran his open palms down the boy's chest, something he had always secretly wanted to do. He let his hands settle over his heart, feeling it pound, and even that made his arousal spike. It was a sign of Eren's desire for him, an involuntary one. Even better, when he finally found the courage to run his thumbs over his dark nipples, he felt Eren's cock stiffen under his behind, raising ever so slightly and very subtly pressing against the cleft of his rear. Eren exhaled sharply, his breath warm against Levi's chest, and the older man pressed down a little more, letting Eren's cock slip further between his cheeks. He didn't know why this felt so good, as in reality it was quite odd, but he found that he enjoyed it. The nerve endings in his entrance sparked as the tip brushed against it, and he gasped.

"You're so warm," Eren breathed, "and you feel so good. Levi please…more. Touch me more."

Levi shivered at the plea, letting it wash over him. So then it wasn't odd that he wanted to run his hands over every inch of his body? Eren was okay with it? With his eyes heavily lidded, he carefully did as he was asked, reaching around and running his hands up and down the broad expanse of Eren's back. He pushed him back slightly, holding up his body while he gave into his impulses and ran his tongue over his chest, making his way slowly down towards his nipples. His tongue circled around it for a moment, and he felt Eren stiffen up. He was afraid he didn't like it for a minute, and prepared to pull away, but stopped when Eren gently gripped the back of his head, pressing him ever so slightly closer to his chest. The boy was panting; Levi could feel his chest rising and falling quickly under his lips, and it only made him more excited. He closed his lips around the bud and sucked, and Eren keened, arching his back and moaning sweetly above his head.

The older man's blood burned in his veins, set alight at that sound. His cock throbbed, and he found himself thrusting his hips very slowly, trying to relieve this foreign ache. The tip of Eren's length nudged at his entrance with every movement, and his own cock rubbed against the boy's warm abdomen, only stimulating him further. Sweat collected around his hairline, and he found that he was breathing just as hard as his partner was.

He wondered for a moment if there was a way for Eren to enter him like a man would a woman. If there was a way for their bodies to unite, a way for their bodies to share the same pleasure at the same time. He wondered if Eren might let him to do that to him as well, and if he did, what kind of face would the boy make as he felt that kind of pleasure?

For now, Levi kissed his way up his collarbone, his neck, before finally finding his lips, letting his tongue delve into the other's mouth as he had once seen some of his adventurous classmates do with their partners. Feeling their tongues touch made him gasp and shiver, and Eren held onto him tightly, trying to steady him. He wrapped his arms around Levi's smaller shoulders, and yet even though they were touching from their lips to their thighs, taking in each other's air as they gasped between kisses, still Levi tried to get closer, closer, to disappear completely inside of Eren if he could, where he knew he'd be safe.

And then he snapped awake.

Levi felt as if his whole body had been dipped in fire; the blood in his veins was boiling, searing its way through his body. He was only half awake, part of his body still asleep, and the other part a live wire. He was squirming restlessly, only partially aware that he was rubbing his thighs together quite roughly, pain and pleasure radiating from his groin and spreading throughout his hips. It took him a bit to realize that he was alone, that Eren was not in fact here in the room with him, though he was still in his home. He wasn't in the boy's lap, wasn't being held by him. In his groggy state, this was intolerable. He sat up, scanning the room for him, his arousal turning into a terrible ache that only Eren could satisfy.

Wait, what was he thinking? What was wrong with him? No, this was terrible, revolting and wrong, and the more he woke up, the more sickened he became by himself. Not just by the fact that he had had yet another sexual dream featuring Eren, but the fact that his first impulse when he woke up wasn't to shame himself for his thoughts, but that he wanted Eren there to help him achieve his release.

Levi felt panic begin to squeeze his chest, and he gripped the sides of his head, fingers digging into his hair. His breathing picked up, breaths trembling past his numb lips. This was becoming torture and he couldn't see a way out of it. He had already tried to make himself attracted to women and it hadn't worked. If it wasn't Eren, then he would most likely be hopelessly enamored with another young man that he would never be able to obtain. Was this going to be his life forever? A series of sinful dreams and thoughts, unrequited love and feelings of hatred towards himself?

He pulled his knees up and hugged them, leaning his forehead against them. His back heaved on a sob as frustration and fear vied for attention in his head. He didn't know how much longer he could do this for. It was so…exhausting.

Levi didn't know how long he sat there crying into the darkness before he heard a knock on the door and a quiet, concerned uttering of his name in the entryway. His head lifted abruptly, and he saw to his horror that Eren was the one standing there, and when he took in Levi's face, he saw the boy start. He supposed he couldn't blame him, as he could only imagine what he looked like. He probably looked like a wild mess, tear tracks shining on his face as a result of the moonlight streaming in through his window, knuckles white as they gripped his knees, hair askew from his tossing and turning, eyes wide with terror. At seeing his distress, Eren was drawn to him like a magnet, face opening in worry, and though everything in Levi screamed at him to tell Eren to get away, he froze as yet another part of him begged for his comfort. He sat down on the bed next to him, pulling Levi into his arms without hesitation.

The older man tensed, eyes staying wide as Eren pushed his head against his chest. His heat and scent permeated his every cell. He smelled so musky and masculine, body so firm when he had been so alone just a second ago that he couldn't stand it. His dream came back vividly, and he hated himself for desiring those things with this sweet boy. Yet, at the same time…he was just so tired of hating himself so much, of his forced isolation so that he could avoid temptation. He thought he could be alone, that he would get used to it eventually.

But he was finding that he just couldn't.

Shaking and sick, Levi finally wrapped his arms around him, fingers clawing at the back of Eren's nightshirt, digging into his shoulder blades so that he couldn't leave. He buried his face in his chest, tears wetting Eren's shirt.

"I'm sorry," he wept. "I didn't- I couldn't- I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong enough…"

The boy tilted his head downward slightly, feeling Levi's fingers dig into his back and tightening his hold on him. Confused, he asked, "What do you mean? I think you're plenty strong. I can feel my bones creaking in my back."

He had meant to cheer Levi up, but he didn't react to his words; he just kept crying, eventually mumbling something into his chest too low for him to hear. "What was that?"

The older man repeated what he said after a moment, though shame was thick in his voice. "You ever think sometimes it'd be easier to fall asleep and never wake up? Than to keep on facing every single day knowing you're just going to suffer?"

Eren hesitated a long moment, letting his words sink in, before he answered in a voice so low it was barely more than a breath with some inflection. "…yes."

They were both silent for a long time after that, Eren rocking back and forth slightly as he tried to soothe his friend. Levi forced himself to match the boy's breathing, shocked out of his panic by Eren's admission. It was wonderfully intimate, but painful all at the same time. He was horrified that the boy had thoughts in any way that might have been similar to his own, but he supposed it made sense, considering Eren was also interested in men. It just wasn't fair that life had to be so cruel to them.

Levi was unaware that Eren was taking the opportunity in the silence to size him up, to try and figure out what might have led him to have these kinds of thoughts. It took him several minutes, but the possibility eventually hit him like a ton of bricks: was it possible that he and Levi were more similar than he thought?

He chewed on his bottom lip. He had promised himself that he wouldn't get Levi involved in his world, but if he was saying things like he wanted to end his own life, then…

Eren sighed, before uttering quietly, "Levi?"

The older man sniffed and hummed, letting him know that he had heard him.

"I think it's time for you to meet some of my good friends at the Laughing Fox pub. You're not nearly as alone as you think."

A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry this update took so long. My arthritis has been acting up pretty bad lately, and it likes to manifest in my hands, which means I have a hard time typing sometimes. But fear not, I haven't given up on this fic! I hope you enjoyed!