For years, Levi had read in books, especially his fairytales, just how wonderful being in love was. How people described it as walking on clouds, always being happy and enchanted with every single thing the other person did no matter how insignificant it was. How beautiful they were in any sort of light, and every moment together was, well magical.

As cliché and silly as it sounded, and perhaps it was because of the forbidden aspect of their relationship, Levi found that every day he spent with Eren was all of this and more.

Levi could barely believe all of the passion and affection that would well up in him at the mere sight of Eren. When he would appear at his work, or when he would show up at the boy's home, he would become ridiculously giddy, practically dancing in place like a small child. They would hug to greet each other, though it was more of a quick, one-armed hug that he had often seen other men engage in. But when no one was there to witness them, Levi would snuggle in extra tight and nuzzle against Eren's cheek, leaning in with eyes closed like a content cat while Eren buried his nose in his hair and held him with both arms, squeezing him like he hadn't seen him in years.

It was the most amazing thing for the older man because ever since his parents passed away, though he had had Hanji, she had her own life to worry about and couldn't always be there whenever he needed someone. But what he was figuring out was that this wasn't the case with Eren. Because they were courting, it was okay to ask him to hold him, or for any other affection from him without feeling bad about it. In fact, it was very welcome, Eren indulging him whenever he would nudge him or lay his head on his shoulder, like an owner rewarding his cat when it asked for attention. And oh was Levi a spoiled kitty, at first unsure if it was okay to always be asking for these cuddles, but when the boy didn't complain or ever push him away, he figured that it was alright and kept doing it. He was so touched starved before, and now it was like he was making up for lost time, drinking in every touch he possibly could.

Eren was becoming his person, a person that was happy to see Levi no matter what, that wanted to hear every detail about his day no matter how insignificant it was. It was going to take a lot of getting used to, but he liked it.

However, though Eren's presence excited him and filled a huge void in his life, Levi found that he still had trouble convincing himself that this was okay. That being with another man as he would a woman, courting him and all that would entail. He felt better about than he had before, enough that his desire to be with Eren won out over his doubts, but they were there enough that he hadn't moved past hugging him. They hadn't kissed since the day Eren had told him how he felt about him, and Levi had been too scared to initiate anything else. He knew the boy was probably disappointed, as it was evident every time he leaned down and Levi would turn away and either talk about something innocuous or bury his face in his chest.

Of course, it didn't take long for Eren to bring this up.

"I'm not pressuring you to or anything," he had said one afternoon in Levi's apartment while sitting on his bed next to him. "I just want to make sure everything is okay. We don't have to kiss if you don't want to, ever. Trust me, I just want to be with you, and whatever you're okay with or not okay with, I'll respect."

It had made Levi extremely light to hear that, but at the same time very guilty. He was far too kind, his boy. Here he was holding back because he was such a coward and had no idea not only how this whole relationship, but this whole relationship with another man was supposed to work. Eren made him want to get over his fears, but since his parents, and then he himself, had been reinforcing them to himself over and over again for years, it was hard to undo those thoughts. He sighed heavily, refusing to look at him, hugging his knees to his chest.

"I've just been taught to believe all my life that I'll be going to Hell if I feel towards a man what men are supposed to feel towards women," he eventually mumbled sadly. "And of course if someone catches us, we'll both be thrown in jail, and alright granted we won't get the death penalty anymore, but we might as well. There are so many diseases that run around those places, and the crazy inmates that are already there. Not to mention that even if we got out, our lives would be ruined forever. I'd be fired from my job, no one would hire you to clear their farms of pests again, or commission you for art. No one would publish my works, we just- we'd be outcasts. We could never live here again and our dreams would be shattered."

Eren regarded him sadly for a moment, understanding completely but at the same time not. He shook his head, placing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. "I get it. Of course I do. Listen, I might talk tough, saying that no one can touch me because my family has a lot of money, but deep down I worry sometimes. I worry a lot less than the average person, but I still worry. All I can offer is that we just have to be more careful than the average couple, but we can pull this off. Others at the Laughing Fox have been doing it for decades. So why can't we give it a shot too?"

Levi wasn't going to argue with that. After all he had finally found a little piece of happiness after being without one for so many years, and he was not going to let it slip away from him regardless of what laws or morals said.

"And besides," Eren added, "everything is legal when there's no police around."

That definitely put a smile on Levi's face.

And well, that made him feel a bit better. If other people could pull this off, maybe they could too.

So, one warm fall afternoon when the leaves were in full color around the end of October, Levi had an idea for a date for them. He didn't fully explain where they were going to Eren because he wanted it to be a surprise. All he told him was that they were having lunch together and to bring a basket of whatever he wanted to eat.

It was a bit of a walk towards their destination, but it was a pretty one at least. And to Levi, it was terribly romantic; they were walking side by side next a small river outside of town, one during the warmer weather many local kids liked to swim in and people liked to fish in. Eren was holding the picnic basket while Levi was walking Prince on his fancy little leather leash and collar, even wearing a pretty name tag that Eren had engraved for him. The air was crisp and the chatter between them was wonderfully idle and light. They looked like a painting, Levi thought. Like any other average courting couple.

Well, except for the obvious difference.

"Are we almost there?" Eren whined. "This thing is heavy."

"No it's not you big baby, I carried it all the way through town and I was fine," Levi sighed. "You spoiled rich boy."

"Exactly. This is too much heavy lifting for my delicate self."

"You say as you help farmers lift heavy wooden planks and hay bales, or the feet of your Shires as you pick out their hooves. You can handle a picnic basket with a pie in it."

"…What kind of pie?"

Levi snorted. "Keep walking and you'll find out."

Well, Eren sped right up at that, practically sprinting past him up the path. Prince, seeing that someone was in front of him, also sped up and chased him, dragging Levi along. The three of them ran the rest of the way, the out of shape librarian wheezing by the time Eren decided to slow down, trying not to collapse on the dirt. By this time, the shaded path opened up into a small abandoned farmer's field, a dilapidated barn moldering quietly in the distance. More importantly, the yellowing, dry grass waved in the breeze, rising up to a large hill with a couple of apple trees at the top. Levi nodded towards them.

"Up there," he stated. "That's where we're having lunch."

"It's beautiful," Eren breathed. "I didn't even know this was here."

Brushing through the grass, grass so tall that Prince disappeared in it and became nothing more than a moving leash in front of Levi, the older man explained, "Once in a while I'll take walks outside of town and I found this place a couple of years ago. It's my favorite place in the world. This is actually the place I imagine my main character living in my story. When I sit up on the hill and look at the barn, I like to imagine what it might have looked like when this farm was in use. The view at the top of the hill is really pretty too."

When they eventually made it to the top, they stopped and gazed at the view, standing side by side. Eren's mouth was agape as he gazed at the multi-colored patchwork of farmland and farmhouses in the distance. There were groups of trees as well, and a group of geese was taking flight. And guarding it all was a row of mountains that looked blue.

"Levi…." the boy gasped.

"I know," he agreed. "Isn't it neat? I know it's kind of silly, but I sit up here and wonder about the lives of each of the people down there. Like what their lives are like. I like to make up stories for them too, and some of them I want to put in my book. I also wonder what's beyond those mountains, you know? I was born and raised here, so I've never been out of town. It's fun to think about. My main character has the same problem too, wants to know what's beyond the mountains."

"I love it. I've left town a bit, but I've never gone beyond the mountains either." He looked over at Levi meaningfully. "Maybe we'll find out someday? Add it to our list of things we can do before we die. When we're old men and have the time, we can venture beyond the mountains and finally see what's out there."

Levi beamed up at him. "Definitely. I'll hold you to that, Eren."

Eventually, they sat down, Levi tying Prince's leash around the trunk of a younger tree with a thinner trunk while Eren unpacked the basket. Luckily because it was cooling down, a lot of the insects were dying off, so they didn't disturb their picnic. But there were a few lingering butterflies that landed on their blanket, or flitted around Prince's face, causing the terrier to leap up and try to catch them. Eren was ridiculously charmed by the whole scene, as well as the food that Levi had made. A highborn lady in training for being a housewife couldn't have prepared a better basket; the sandwiches were perfectly cut, the jam was clearly handmade and blended wonderfully, and the roast beef was sliced with care. Eren had brought his own potato salad and tea cakes that he had convinced Mikasa to make for him without telling her what they were for, as well as brewing tea for Levi knowing what a sucker he was for it. Levi himself was sitting contentedly on the blanket, leaning sideways on one hand while he slowly ate a sandwich with the other, his eyes half closed as he listened to Eren talk about this, that or the other thing and enjoying every second of it. It was a privilege to drink in his presence like this where no one was watching them and they could act as besotted with each other as they really were.

"See, there were many times in history when men being in love with other men was okay," he was saying, waving around his salad fork to add emphasis. "Way back to our earliest ancestors. They said it was better for men to have sex with other men because it meant they wouldn't get pregnant and I can only assume there would be less mouths for them to feed. Then you had the Greeks and the Romans who slept with their apprentices to turn them into men, and even the Spartans who encouraged homosexual relationships in their armies because they thought that men would fight harder to protect and impress their lovers. The Vikings loved keeping male lovers too you know. They didn't have a concept of being an invert, or at least, the man who was doing the mounting was never seen as an invert, only the man who had the cod in his ass. Even the monks in the middle ages were all married to one another and thought there was nothing wrong with romantic love between men. It was only when the Puritans took over that everything went to shit."

"Oh really?" Levi nodded along. "I never knew any of that."

"It's true. Now we have that Oscar Wilde fellow who is terrible at hiding the fact that he's as much of a mollie as you and me. It's more of a well-known secret than anything. If he can get away with it, we should be able to."

"He's married though," the older man pointed out.

"So are lots of the men who come to the Laughing Fox," Eren laughed, popping a blueberry in his mouth.

Well, Levi couldn't argue with that. Finishing his sandwich, he regarded Eren's smiling profile. The boy looked so ridiculously happy, like he often did when he was around him. He was always so strong, so invulnerable. It suddenly occurred to him that he had never seen his boy afraid before, and he wondered if anything did scare Eren at all. Well, of course something had to, but what?

"This is going to seem odd," Levi nervously asked, "but what's your greatest fear? I realized I've never seen you scared before."

Eren's smile fell a bit and he grew somber, but tried to shrug it off. He put his fork down into his bowl and said, "Well, it's…I guess it grew from losing my mom, but I'm really scared of being abandoned, especially by people I love. If I lost someone else, either you or Mikasa or any of my friends, I don't know if I'd be able to handle it. I'm already having a hard enough time as it is. There are nights where I wonder if living is even worth it because I'm so scared of being left behind by people, or I lay awake at night analyzing every interaction I've had that day wondering if I made a person hate me. Sometimes I feel like I'm one loss away from being tossed into an asylum like my mother."

Levi felt his heart drop further and further with every word he spoke. He had never expected Eren to have such a deep seated fear; he thought it would be something more innocuous, like a fear of spiders or something. No, he couldn't handle this. Chest aching, he sidled up to Eren until he was sitting beside him and leaned his head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't know. That's…not silly at all. While I can't make promises for other people, I can promise that I won't abandon you."

Eren shrugged. "Well, realistically I suppose no one can promise that, right? You could die before me, or I could die before you."

"If I had the choice, I wouldn't leave you, you know that," Levi insisted.

"I know." Eren took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So, what's your greatest fear then?"

Without hesitation, the older man told him, "The dark. I know, it's childish, but I've always had this odd fear that ghosts or demons are hiding in the dark in my room at night and are going to spring out and devour me. My parents would always tell me things like that to make me behave and I never quite got over me. That and one time at school a student locked me in a trunk and I was stuck in there for an hour or so. It was enough to scar me for life. Every time I'm in the dark by myself now I start panicking and it makes getting to sleep at night hard. But having Prince sleep on my bed at night helps because it lets me know that I'm not alone at least. It's made it so that I sleep with less candles and gas lamps lit now."

Ah, so that explained all the candles sitting near his bed when Eren visited. Well he was glad that Levi had his puppy if it helped reduce the number of candles and such that were lit then all the better because those were a fire waiting to happen. He put an arm around Levi's shoulder and pulled him close.

"It's not childish," Eren assured him. "We've all got our fears, and we all feel that they're irrational to a point, but they make complete sense to us at the same time. You've got nothing to be ashamed of."

Those words made him feel better, they really did. Sometimes the best thing when you felt like you were going crazy was to hear that someone else was just as crazy as you were. For his entire life, he had been told by others that he had confided in that his fear of the dark was ridiculous at his age, and so he had stopped telling people. So he had taken a huge risk by telling Eren, and he was so happy that the boy didn't reject him. However, there was still one thing that was bothering him.

"There's a dream I've been having for years," he mumbled quietly, looking off into the distance at the fields that lay under their hill. "I'm trapped in a pitch black room with a door that I can never find. I scream and scream for help, but no one ever comes for me. I scream until everything fades away, and then when I wake up, my throat hurts, and I realize I was screaming in my sleep. It's my worst nightmare that I have, and I think my worst nightmare in general. If I were ever trapped in a dark room that I couldn't get out of, I'd never be able to recover from that."

Eren squeezed him a little tighter, feeling Levi stiffen slightly against his body. The subject was stressing him out clearly, but at the same time it seemed to be something he needed to get off his chest, and perhaps it was easier to talk about in the broad daylight like this miles away from anyone they knew.

"Me too," he said after a moment. "I mean, I've been having an awful dream for a few years too."

The older man went still and silent, waiting for him to continue. Eventually, Eren told him, "I'm in this little mausoleum in the cemetery outside of town, the one where my mother is buried, and I'm laying in this coffin, crying. I don't know why I'm crying really, but I just know that everyone has forgotten me. And I sit there, freezing cold, wishing someone would put the lid over the top of me, but no one does. And then I wake up, still feeling very alone. Lately whenever it happens, my first impulse is to run into Mikasa's room to make sure she still knows who I am, and then run into town to find you."

Once Levi processed the horror of Eren's dream, he assured him somberly, "You could, you know. My door is always open. But I'm so sorry that you're dreaming things like that. We're a mess, aren't we?"

Eren hummed in agreement, and then let things fall silent between them for a moment. Just then, the boy remembered something, sitting up and looking Levi in the eye as he said excitedly, "Oh! Taking a break from the sad conversation, I just remembered. I saw that the Sleeping Beauty ballet is supposed to be performed here in December, around Christmas time. I figured if you wanted, I could get us tickets. And it'll be both a Christmas and birthday present from me to you so don't you dare start up about paying me back."

Levi took a deep breath and then stuck his tongue out at him, before heavily putting his head back on his shoulder and grumbling, "Well fine. As long as it's a gift I guess. But…oh God, I'm really going to see the ballet?"

Eren laughed. "Yes. I told you, anything that's in my power to give you, you'll get it. That's part of what courting is about, get used to it."

A rush of giddiness coursed through the older man, making him feel like a child on Christmas morning, and with a giggle he pulled Eren into a tight hug and bowled him over so suddenly that the boy fell over on the blanket. Drawn by the sudden motion, Prince trotted over and licked Eren's face, thinking that they were playing. Levi, who was hovering over the surprised boy, snorted and scratched behind his ears, before finding a leftover bone from the chicken they had eaten and giving it to the puppy. Prince looked delighted beyond belief, and he soon abandoned them in favor of taking the bone and trotting over to the tree with it. But heavens, Eren looked so precious under him, head caged between his arms, hands laying up by his ears. When he registered the position he was in, a sly grin overtook his face.

"Well well," he said, "If I had known that you got like this when I made you this happy I would have done it ages ago."

Levi rolled his eyes, though there was some pink on his cheeks. He tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was straddling Eren's pelvis, and that if he decided he wanted to sit he'd be right on top of his lap. And that would mean he'd be able to feel his-

Oh heavens. His eyes widened and his face turned a deep shade of red as something occurred to him. One didn't usually like to think about the fact that their friends had genitals, and when they were just friends, this was easy to agree with. But now that Eren had expressed interest in him, romantic interest, this would eventually lead to sexual interest, wouldn't it? That was where all relationships went at some point? Levi wasn't averse to sex for sure, but the thought of having sex with Eren was far too overwhelming for him at the moment. It was hard enough to get himself to kiss him, or even just admit that their affection for each other was okay. If he thought about Eren naked in any way, if he thought about what might lie underneath the suit jackets and nice trousers he always seemed to wear for too long, about being able to touch it like he wanted to in his dreams and make Eren's face screw up in pleasure…

Levi's jaw clenched and he swallowed hard enough that his Adam's apple bobbed very noticeably, a movement Eren followed with his eyes. The boy seemed to fully register at that moment the exact position they were in, because he sobered up and his face too grew pink. He cleared his throat as Levi continued to stare, and finally mumbled with a half-smile, "You know, you look really good on top like that. Wouldn't mind seeing you like that more often."

Yes, the older man was naïve, but he had spent enough time around his vulgar college classmates to know exactly what Eren was saying. Levi made a noise that sounded like the air being let out of a balloon but much more pained and strangled. However he didn't move, continuing to commit this pretty image of Eren spread underneath him and feeling guilty every second. The brief thought that this was disgusting, that he shouldn't be thinking about another man like this flashed through his mind, but he squashed it down. It was okay, Eren had told him. Desiring another man was okay. But was it only okay to do that romantically? He couldn't objectify Eren surely? That had to be wrong. Right?

Well, only one way to find out.

"I…Eren?" he stuttered. "This, I'm sorry, this is going to sound strange, but it's not bad that I desire you more than just romantically, right? It's not disgusting that I…I often think about what you might look like without your clothes on? What it might be like to touch you, or your bare skin? Or what it might feel like to have you touch me? I mean, I know how terribly indecent it all is, but I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I find I can't stop it. Then I worry you won't want me because I'm not pure. I…I went to see a prostitute not too long ago to try and convince myself that I didn't really like men, to try and make myself be attracted to women, and it didn't work. I hated it though. What if I never like sex with anyone? I'm…disgusting."

His face remained very red and he turned his face away from Eren, but before he could turn it away fully, the boy pulled it back towards him by taking his chin gently between his thumb and forefinger. To Levi's relief, he didn't look upset at all, but intrigued, deeply so, in a way Levi had never seen anyone look before. His pupils were blown despite it still being so bright out and his lips were parted. He licked them, mouth terribly dry, and Levi was hypnotized by his gaze, as well as by the action of Eren running his thumb over the older man's lower lip. Levi watched as his mouth opened and closed a few times, before he finally replied.

"There's…There's nothing wrong with that at all," he said, his voice slightly hoarse. "Not when you feel the way we do about each other. That's part of attraction, Levi, even with attraction to someone of the same sex. I know some people say, 'Well how can you feel attracted to a body that has the same parts as you do,' which is ridiculous of course. Yes we have the same parts but your body looks a lot different than mine. And someday, when and if you'd be willing, I'd love to get to know it, and I'd love to let you get to know mine. There's no shame in it, despite what others might think. Our parents might be terrified to admit that sex exists and think that dancing in bars will lead to us turning into prostitutes, but if that's the case then Hell is looking a lot more appealing than Heaven. If such places even exist. Yes Levi, please. I want you to desire me as much as I desire you and know that there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. Those feelings are as normal as the breath in your lungs. You're not broken or sinful for experiencing them. And you are in no way disgusting, not at all. Even if we never have sex, I'll still always want to be with you. You're my Doll, aren't you?"

His smile grew extra soft and tender, and he reached up a little more, cupping Levi's face with both hands, and adding meaningfully, "Things may be written for us one way in the stars, but we're strong enough to rewrite them if we want."

Hearing those words, it was as if that part of a weight he had carried for his entire life lifted from his chest. Not the entire thing, because his internalized shame refused to let it go, but enough that bravery was instilled where the shame used to be. Bravery to try and care for Eren the way a man ought to take care of the one he was courting, and the bravery to give into his own feelings. The boy didn't think they were gross or abnormal, and no one had to know about them but the two of them.

"You think so?" Levi smiled down at him. "It's a nice thought. I'm just afraid that it feels like we're stuck in a dream and that at some point we'll wake up and see that this was all hopeless. That everything we'll keep us apart from each other."

Eren shook his head emphatically. "I won't let it happen. I've been told my whole life by my father and other rich people what and who I'm supposed to be, and I'm fed up with it. And I'll be damned if people try and say what you and I get to be. You'll see soon enough Levi that when you're with me, not all of the rules of reality have to apply. We can make our home with each other in the stars, can make our own fairytale. What do you think about that?"

It sounded too good to be true, for sure, and Levi doubted most of what he said. But at the same time, that was the problem. It sounded far too good, and he couldn't help but be seduced by it. The picture Eren was painting, a future where they could achieve their dreams and do so together, wake up to the other's face in bed every morning…oh, if Levi could have that, he would wish for nothing else.

So, even though he was unsure, he was filled with such elation at the prospect, he couldn't help but answer, "That sounds like a perfect dream."

He lowered his body down so that he was laying beside Eren, their chests pressed against each other, and then without letting himself think too hard about it, and allowing his happy feelings to control his actions, he leaned down and softly kissed him.

Eren's eyes widened a bit when he registered what he was doing, but once he did, they closed in bliss and he sighed happily, wrapping his arms around Levi's neck and kissing him back eagerly. Their lips made soft, high pitched sounds, sounds that excited Levi, who was unused to such things, and soon enough he found the euphoria from their kisses overtaking him. He grew more enthusiastic, pressing harder, his head feeling light and his body heating up. When he felt Eren holding him, he just became more excited, pieces of his dreams returning to him where the boy would hold him close while they made love. However, at some point, he found the strength to pull away, panting, eyes dark, face looking wonderfully debauched and his lips moist and red. Eren chuckled lowly, the sound dark and rich and deep in his chest. His stroked his cheek softly.

"Oh yes, I'll wait for you as long as you need," he repeated. "But I'll tell you, you're going to be very hard to resist, my little Doll."

A/N: Hey everyone! I'm sorry that these chapters are taking so long to get out, but I promise I'm not going to give up on this fic! I'm just working on two fics at the moment lol. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Bits of it are based off Rewrite the Stars from the Greatest Showman.