A/n: I know I have become so bad at updates but I keep breaking my computers and losing my data. I hope you can forgive me.
Kurt held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he waited for his toast to finish, "Sure, they all hate you now but once you turn your charm off they'll realise that you're someone worth knowing."
"Turn my charm off?" Charlie gasped loudly.
"Yes," Kurt nodded to himself, "You do this thing when you meet new people where you try to be charming to impress them but it just makes people think you're a douche."
"Bruce never thought I was a douche," the boy countered.
"You were too busy geeking out to remember to do it when you met him," Kurt rolled his eyes, "and as a result, he likes you."
"So I should be overwhelmed by how cool everyone is and they'll like me?" Charlie didn't sound impressed, "that sounds an awful lot like pandering to me."
"I'm not saying lose your shits for every Tom, Dick and Harry," Kurt smirked, "but be your normal dorky self, let people get to know you before they decide to hate you."
"Says the boy who writes people off as hating him before he meets them," Charlie scoffed.
"I'm not the one who is having difficulty making friends," Kurt countered, "I know what I want in that sphere of my life and not everyone can give it to me."
"What do you think of my theory that they're all jealous?" Kurt chuckled at how his voice went brassy on the last three words.
"I think Anika Noni Rose delivers that line better," he supressed any further chuckles.
"Do you see what I mean?" Charlie spoke impassively, "even you're jealous of how I can combine a solid Dreamgirls reference with an uncanny Anika Noni Rose impression, and you're supposed to be my best friend!"
"I am your best friend but-" Kurt gasped loudly and dropped the phone to clutch his chest, "Oh my god!"
He scrambled to pick up his phone, Charlie on the other end was panicking, "Did Hydra attack? I'll get the X-men and-"
"The toast popped out of the toaster and caught me unawares," Kurt assured the boy, "I'm perfectly fine, no heart attacks."
"I forget you're like this," Charlie teased.
"When I make toast it doesn't violently attack the maker," Kurt snapped, "it behaves itself, those are the perks of making it in the oven."
"It's more work that way," Charlie screamed back.
Kurt rolled his eyes as he buttered his slice toast, "about your little problem-"
"Yes," the boy spoke with desperation, "what do you think?"
"I think the fact that you're working with Professor Xavier instead of the other staff members at The Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters might be a source of jealousy for some," Kurt nodded to himself as he began to assemble his sandwich, "but it is beyond your control because of the nature of your gift." Kurt laid sliced avocado on his toast as he explained, "don't make friends with people who don't want to see you succeed, find the other powerful but ostracised kids and make friends with them."
"You're just the king of solutions, aren't you?"
"I have made quite the reputation for myself when it comes to being correct," Kurt smirked to himself as he crumbled feta over his open sandwich.
"What time is it where you are?"
"I don't know," Kurt shrugged, "I'm having breakfast."
"So am I," Charlie beamed.
"I'm an earlier riser than you are," Kurt pointed out, "What time is it in New York? Nine-ish?"
"You're good."
"My internal clock thinks it's about six-ish," Kurt explained, "makes sense that I haven't adjusted from home because I haven't established a new regime." He shrugged and almost dropped the phone as he peppered his sandwich, "but I think I'm still on West Coast time, people seem to be doing the same thing I'm doing at about the same time."
"I have to go," Charlie snapped dismissively, "I'm being invited to a table by popular kids like Cady Heron."
"How grand," Kurt chuckled.
"Viva Celine Dion," Kurt could hear the boy bump his chest.
He chuckled, "In the era of our Queen Beyoncé."
Kurt hung up the phone and sat down at the kitchen table across from Jemma, "Good morning."
"Hi Kurt," she smiled at him, "are you finding things fine?"
"I have a long list of complaints and suggestions for improvement," Kurt smiled at her, "I'm having Fitz and Mack put together a suggestion box."
"That's actually very smart," Jemma smiled, "how did you get Coulson to approve it?"
"I didn't," Kurt shrugged, "I'm just going to put it up, once he sees that we have suggestions it would be in poor form to ignore them."
"I'm not sure if that's how things will go down," she giggled.
Kurt snorted, "things generally work in my favour."
"I'll have to take your word for it."
"I also have a reputation for always being right," Kurt smirked, "spread the word."
"I will shout it from the rooftops," Jemma giggled again.
Kurt's eyes widened suddenly, "What time is it?"
"I wouldn't bother resetting my internal clock," she shook her head, "You'll travel enough that it will be the only thing keeping you from being constantly jetlagged."
"So," Kurt shrugged, "it's breakfast time."
"Yes," Jemma nodded before she gestured at the small open sandwich sitting in front of him "you eat like a bird."
"Never been a big eater," Kurt shrugged, "I'm also not much of a cook so I'm used to using very rich ingredients to make simple foods more complex."
"It looks good," Jemma peered closer, "what is that? Avo and feta on toast?"
"There's a little baby spinach in there too," Kurt nodded, "You guys don't keep peppadews, they elevate the dish by adding heat and sweetness."
"I don't think I'm as much of a foodie as you are," Jemma giggled.
"My boyfriend once said I was more of a snob than a foodie," Kurt shrugged, "this was after I had made him Tournedos Rossini following a failed attempt by him which had actually been steak au poivre."
"That sounds like food snobbery," she chuckled, "The last time I lived alone, I only had sriracha and beer in my kitchen."
"Salt, pepper and a whole chicken," Kurt grinned, "you have a meal if you add couscous to the list."
"So," Jemma blushed, "about what I said yesterday-"
"Are you telling me I don't have two hearts?" Kurt gaped at her, "Because I've told all the people who were in my life before my arrest, they would be crushed to learn that my whole life hasn't been a heterotopic heart transplant."
"You know a lot of stuff," Jemma nodded to herself.
Kurt shrugged, "I was reading up on similar cases in humans last night, I couldn't get to sleep."
"I see," Jemma chuckled, "but when I spoke of yesterday I meant what I said about Fitz and I, about the other people."
"About your complicated relationship?" Kurt quirked a concerned brow.
"Yes," Jemma's shoulders slumped, "just let it go."
"Why?" Kurt's jaw went slack, "I wanted to see you wrestle the other person to the ground for your Fitz! Kick a skank in the ribs!"
"He's not my Fitz," She let out a defeated huff, "I misread the situation, I am the other person, not the other way around."
"I still want to see you fight, fight," Kurt gesticulated with his fist, "Fight for this love!"
"I don't think I could take them in a fight," Jemma chuckled dejectedly.
"Is it because Mack has arms larger than you?" Kurt held her hand.
"I also wouldn't want to impose myself."
"You'll never hear me say that," Kurt chuckled, "I'd say something like 'the bigger they are, the harder they bottom' and beat my opposition into submission."
Jemma chuckled loudly, "You are something else."
Kurt moved around the table and took the seat beside her, grabbing her hand once more in both of his, "Babes, the thing about boys is that they are just like buses, they both pick up speed when you try to stop them."
"I don't get the reference," Jemma giggled.
"Throwing your toys won't help you hold onto them," Kurt smiled softly, "but when one boy leaves your life, another comes around the corner."
"Fitz is my best friend," Jemma admitted.
"Then let him know that," Kurt gave a self-satisfied smirk, "Or…"
"Or?"
"Sometimes neither you nor he needs to choose," Kurt smiled, "Think about it?"
"I don't know what that means," Jemma shook her head, a naïve smile on her face.
"This is the twenty-first century," Kurt grinned, "we don't have to love each other one at a time." Kurt's laugh got sadder, "I love Bruce but I knew from the day I met him that he didn't love me alone; he's always thinking of his last love even though he calls me and not her."
Jemma gasped, her jaw hanging open, "Are you talking about polygamy?"
"Nothing that archaic, the patriarchy isn't that strong within me," Kurt giggled, "Ever hear of polyamory?"
"No but I can gather a meaning from the etymology of the term," Jemma smirked.
"If you two really want to be together you won't let monogyny stop you," Kurt pursed his lips, "if you want it and you can promise yourself you won't get jealous then this is the set up for you."
"I'll have to take your word on the matter," Jemma shook her head.
"What are you taking his word on," the man who spoke in a British accent extended a polite hand, the only thing about his manner that didn't remind Kurt of Puckerman, "Lance Hunter."
"Hunter," Jemma clarified, "Kurt was telling me how I could make a meal with six ingredients."
"You cook?" the man gaped at him.
"No," Kurt shook his head, sipping his coffee, "I know how to read a recipe, it's a stripped down version of a Jamie Oliver recipe."
"It's a lot more than this lot can do," Hunter scoffed.
"I beg your pardon," Jemma snapped.
"You make a mean sandwich but I don't know if I'd call that cooking," Hunter countered.
"I also make Fettuccine alfredo," Jemma huffed, crossing her arms indignantly, "and I don't see you doing anything in the kitchen except lubricating yourself with tea and beer."
"I also drink whiskey," the man countered.
"Who is the wine drinker on this base?" Kurt smirked, "with whom should I speak with regard to an evening glass."
"That would be Jemma," Hunter smirked, "The rest of us, we'll do it but we won't enjoy it."
"Blasphemy," Kurt and Jemma gasped in unison.
"Aren't you two peas in a pod?"
"If by that you mean two humans with brains," Kurt quirked a challenging brow, "then yes."
"You know Kurt can snap your femur with his hands," Jemma smirked, "I wouldn't test him."
"I wouldn't hold her to that," Kurt shook his head, "the femur is such an awkward bone."
"I'm going to back away slowly," the man raised his hands in surrender, "I like all my bones in one piece."
Jemma beamed at him, "I'm really going to enjoy having you around."
"Just having me as a standing threat?" Kurt smirked.
"Do you know how curious people are about you?" Jemma smiled, her pride evident, "the director is wetting himself to see you in action."
"Why so curious?"
"For the team I'm sure they hope to see what the director sees in you, he broke protocol to recruit you and all we've seen are the results of your work," Jemma explained, "Nobody knows how you do it, everybody wants to see." She leaned closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder, "I have a simulation that can estimate your abilities, I have an idea."
"I think I'm going to drag this out a little," Kurt smirked, "Keep them guessing."
"What?" Jemma's eyes went wide as she sat up as straight as a pin, "Why?"
"I eat attention," Kurt grinned malevolently. Their phone beeped simultaneously, "Coulson called a meeting."
"Get ready to be fed," Jemma smirked, taking him by the hand and leading him out of the kitchen area.
"We're gonna get a mission, a mission, a mission!" Kurt sang playfully, "A brand new mission! What's it gonna be?"
"That Phineas and Ferb layer entrance was just plain creepy," Jemma shook her head, suppressing a shudder.
"You were a fan?" Kurt quirked a curious brow.
"Were?" Jemma gaped at him, "why are you using the past tense? I am a fan! I'm a little behind but I stream it when I can find the time."
"Babes," Kurt smiled sadly, "it ended."
"There's obviously going to be a revival," Jemma shook her head, "this isn't how it's supposed to be! Good shows don't end; they get renewed for new seasons."
"Flames to dust. Lovers to friends," Kurt shrugged, "Why do all good things come to an end?"
"Now's not the time for Nelly Furtado," Jemma shook her head, "I'm in mourning."
Kurt took his seat, Fitz glared at him with furrowed brows, "did she just say she was in mourning."
"Apparently she's a Phineas and Ferb mega-fan but she hadn't heard it had ended," Kurt shrugged, "Odd, surely she would have encountered word on the internet."
"Jemma hates spoilers," Fitz explained, "she avoids reading anything about the shows she watches, she still doesn't know who killed Rebecca on How to Get Away with Murder."
"I'm the complete opposite," Kurt shook his head in disbelief, "I will read every teaser, fan theory and spoiler available."
"Good morning people," Coulson strolled into the room, "Kurt, how's your Spanish?"
"Eu não falo espanhol," Kurt shook his head.
"That was Portuguese," Coulson furrowed his brow.
"I'm well aware of that," Kurt smirked, speaking in French, "I don't speak Portuguese either."
"Point taken," Coulson nodded.
~0~
"Are you nervous?" the man he'd been introduced to as Joey leaned closer to him, Kurt closed his laptop to pay attention, "I'm nervous, not a good flyer and it's compounded by the fact that this is my first mission."
Kurt smiled politely, "I don't do nervous."
"Oh," he nodded.
"I'm not being dismissive," Kurt's smile warmed, "All being nervous does is distract you."
"How do you cast the distraction aside?" Joey smiled.
"Keep moving forward."
"I'm not sure I can do that," He shook his head in earnest.
"The easiest way is to make plans for when you're done," Kurt smiled, "I give this three days, then I'll be overdue for a buff and polish." He flashed his nails, "I can't die with unkempt nailbeds."
Joey chuckled, flashing his gnarled nails, "It's how I lived my life, it would only be fitting that it would be how I died."
"DVR something," Kurt smirk, "my dad used to watch Grey's Anatomy, he waited to see what happened between Meredith and Derek."
The man quirked a brow, "Your dad?"
"We used to do something similar," Kurt smirked, "doing our part with inhuman outbreak, helping people who recently underwent terragenesis or just came into their prime as mutants, get in touch with those who can help them adjust to their new evolution."
"That's actually really cool," Joey smiled.
"It was," Kurt smirked, "until I got arrested for it."
"Ouch!"
Kurt shrugged, "I miss the Thursday evenings with my father."
"How'd he take Derek's death?" Joey quirked a curious brow, "Your father."
"Wept like a baby," Kurt chuckled, "I've never seen my dad cry, cold as stone in the kitchen light."
"You tell him it was about time," Joey smirked.
"I was raised to keep quiet," Kurt matched the smirk, "A kindred soul."
"Knowing Ed Sheeran makes me a kindred soul?"
"The man makes the kind of music that connects with the soul," Kurt shrugged, "As such it connects souls, also not everyone speaks in song lyrics."
"Can't fight that logic," Joey shrugged.
"Logic is one of my strong suits," Kurt smiled, "it works well with being able to break people's bones with my hands."
"Nice," Joey fist bumped him.
"We'll be landing soon," Daisy announced when she entered the room, she directed her gaze to Kurt, "Can I have a word?"
"For sure," Kurt smirked, "You want to do it in private or is here good for you?" She gestured to the next room, Kurt nodded and followed her, "Am I in trouble?"
"No, nothing like that," Daisy shook her head, "I just want to talk."
"I just want to dance," Kurt smiled.
"Have I done something to offend you?" She furrowed her brow, "did we get off on the wrong foot?"
Kurt shrugged, "I don't know you, not well enough to hold any ill will toward you."
"You seem to be taking well to the rest of the team-"
"And your feelings are hurt?" Kurt crossed his arms, "because I don't think making you feel good about yourself is one of the terms of my incarceration."
"No," she shook her head, "I just think we can work together better if there isn't this chasm between us."
"It'll pass as we get to know each other," Kurt shook his head dismissively, "I don't think you should linger on the matter."
"I just don't want to think the assumptions I made when we first met will colour the rest of our relationship," Daisy held his elbow and smiled.
"If I had issues with you then I would have said something," Kurt stepped closer, lowered his voice and bared his teeth, "until I say something, you can assume we're good."
"Is this the part where we make-out?"
Kurt scoffed, "not even in your wildest dreams."
"We're not that different you and I," Daisy smiled, "our history and the nature of our abilities may be vastly different but there's-"
"You barely know me," Kurt's smiled grew so he bared all his teeth, "what about us is so alike?"
"Our drive," Daisy smiled, "we both came into SHIELD through an unconventional route, we have to overcome our abilities so we don't hurt people, and we both have great hair."
"I considered getting highlights," Kurt tilted his head in approval, "I may still do it."
"You should probably buckle up for landing-" Mack glared at them, "am I interrupting something?"
"Daisy and I are just getting to know each other," Kurt smirked.
Daisy stepped back, "I like your boots."
"They're Alaïa," Kurt smiled, he spun on his heels to face Mack, "did you say it was time to buckled up?"
"Bobbi says she's about to put her down," the large man nodded.
Kurt took a seat on the couch and buckled in, "this is why this is my favourite airline, private."
"Charmed life," Daisy smirked.
"I'd never flown commercial till a month ago," Kurt's smile grew, "when I went to Canada to help Typhoid Mary."
"Never?" Daisy gaped at him, "Our lives are very different."
Kurt giggled, "considering this is the only other plane I've ever been on, it's not hard to achieve."
"You're joking," she smiled more broadly.
"I'd never been to a state I don't live in until I went to Quebec," Kurt shrugged, "I have been to space though, seen the far side of the moon."
"The dark side of the moon," Daisy nodded to herself, "sweet."
Kurt shook his head, "That's actually a myth, while we may only see one side of the moon that doesn't mean that it is the only side to receive light. The far side is bathed in sunlight during the new moon."
"Your file said you were a reader," Daisy chuckled, raising her hands in surrender.
"I didn't read that," Kurt's face hardened, "I saw the moon bathed in sunlight for myself.
Daisy nodded slowly, "I read your account of your time with the Kree Accuser corps, that must have been tough."
"It's behind me," Kurt's tone was dismissive, "I'm looking forward."
Daisy nodded and a silence settled over them, "were you journaling? Earlier, I mean."
"What?"
"You were on your computer, writing, and I was wondering if it was a journal." Daisy explained, "I'm curious, you can tell me to mind my own business if you want."
Kurt took a deep breath, "this isn't it for me, in the fall I want to go to college but I haven't heard back from NYADA, Julliard, Columbia or any of my top choices. I wrote an essay updating them on my choice to follow an unorthodox course of education, I hope that my work here will make me a better candidate for the ivies."
"Yale," Daisy smiled, "Before I took my place in line and life that was my ambition, to be a college co-ed at Yale majoring in some liberal arts discipline."
"I haven't heard from them either," Kurt's shoulders slumped, "if I don't hear back from anywhere soon then I didn't get early acceptance."
"You'll hear back," she unbuckled and offered Kurt a hand, "then you'll move on to your next."
"My dad'll email me when the mail arrives," Kurt smiled politely.
"Let me distract you," Daisy smiled, "let's stop an inhuman."
"I usually go shopping for a distraction," Kurt pursed his lips, "do you know how hard it is to dress fashionably on a budget?"
"These jeans are standard issue," Daisy chuckled as she led him to the door, "You should shadow Bobbi, there's a lot you can learn from her."
"Bobbi is the most senior field agent on this mission and as such she will be observing me because despite the fact that this is both Joey and I's first mission, Joey was trained in a SHIELD facility and I'm an unknown variable," Kurt pursed his lips.
"You're good," Bobbi smirked, "get in the car."
"That's what an old man once said to me in the park," Kurt countered, "apparently it had puppies in it, does your car have puppies."
"I'm not trying to lure you into my van," Bobbi furrowed her brow, "there will be no puppies."
"Bummer," Kurt rolled his eyes.
~0~
Kurt stood beside Bobbi and nodded solemnly as the police officer explained the incident to her in Spanish, he didn't really understand the man but based on tone and the occasional word he was stringing together. The man was too frantic to be coherent, his retelling of his experience was nonsensical and seemed to contradict itself from the little Kurt could pick up.
Kurt looked about at the scene, other than the police van having its doors forcibly opened and its cargo taken, there was little destruction; their perpetrator had known what they were doing and what they wanted. Kurt listened to the man's retelling as he continued to observed the scene, their perpetrator had gone unseen which suggested a mastery of their abilities; and by extension, either abilities that are simple to master or that their perpetrator was very intelligent; Kurt feared it was both.
Kurt watched as Bobbi thanked the man for his assistance and turned on heels to regroup with Hunter and Mack, Kurt watched the cogs in her mind working, "This seems to have created more questions than it has answered."
"You can say that again," Kurt rolled his eyes.
Bobbi furrowed her brow, "I beg your pardon?"
"The idea of invisibility in itself is problematic," Kurt shrugged, "unless the perpetrator had the ability to turn the things they touched invisible as well, that doesn't give us the truth." Kurt gestured to the area around them, "It also doesn't account for the state of the crime scene."
Bobbi squinted in his direction, "I thought you didn't speak Spanish."
"I don't," Kurt shook his head, "I happened to pick up the bits that are mutually intelligible."
"On which end?" Bobbi scoffed.
Kurt rolled his eyes, "I obviously mean French, the two countries are adjacent."
"But the two languages are mutually unintelligible," Bobbi shook her head.
"I got the gist regardless," Kurt shrugged.
"What did you get the gist of?" Hunter glared at him.
"My conversation with the police officer who was driving at the time of the theft," Bobbi explained, "despite the fact that the conversation was in Spanish."
"What'd he say?" Hunter probed, "what has the dreaded fish taco done now?"
"Tacos are traditionally a Mexican food," Kurt glared at the man, "this is Columbia; while they might be part of cuisine in the modern day, they are as much Columbian as French food is British."
Hunter raised his hands in surrender, "I didn't mean-"
"What you mean and what you say are two different things," Kurt crossed his arms, "Ever hear that the road to hell is paved with good intentions?"
"Let's just focus on the case," Bobbi silenced them both, each nodding their affirmation.
"The police officer thought their assailant was invisible," Kurt explained with an overly dramatic eye roll, "I don't think that's accurate, the guns seemed to disappear rather than be taken or handed to an unseen assailant."
Hunter grinned, "Can you imagine the things you could do with invisibility?"
"Not many unless you're willing to walk around naked and still be detectable because of the way objects interact with you," Kurt shook his head, "I think the power you have in mind is photokinesis."
"I don't know what that is," Hunter shook his head.
"Light manipulation," Bobbi explained, "that way you can render yourself and objects invisible by changing the way that light interacts with them."
"But I can imagine what you think you could do," Kurt glared at the man, "and you nasty."
"I just…" Hunter shrugged, "it was never meant to be."
"Not meant to be?" Mack spoke, breaking his silence and arching his brow as flawlessly as only Kurt himself could, "what is that supposed to mean?"
"Are you telling me you didn't try one of those fish oil pills?" Hunter smirked but Mack's silence spoke volumes, "Bobbi knows what I mean."
Bobbi shook her head, "I didn't actually do it."
"You two deserve each other," Mack huffed disapprovingly, walking off to continue with his reconnaissance work and ending the conversation.
Hunter gaped at him before he could get back to work, "Kurt?"
"What?" Kurt shrugged.
"Tell me you tried one of the fish oil pills!"
Kurt shook his head, "I get my omega-three from walnut oil salad dressing."
"X-ray vision," Hunter insisted.
"Firstly, you're a little creepy," Kurt took a playful step away from the man, "Secondly, do you know what happens when you consistently expose the people you love to hard X-radiation?" Hunter shook his head, "Cancer."
"You ruin everything," Hunter sulked.
"Don't blame me," Kurt shook his head, "blame the laws of physics."
"You're the one who keeps applying them to my fantasies," Hunter pouted.
Kurt smirked as he and Hunter pretended to do their jobs, "this is why I only fantasise about being adored; by countless fans and sexually."
Hunter furrowed his brow, "Like a porn star or like a super orgy?"
"No," Kurt chuckled, "separately; each fantasy is either about being adored by millions, or being adored sexually by a number under-" Kurt went silent for a moment as he contemplated what he was saying, "let's not block our blessings, five."
"Those are good fantasies," Hunter nodded, "but how are you going to be adored by millions?"
"I could become a world famous performer, I could become a politician, I could marry someone important, I could cure something important, there are a number of fairly probable ways to get famous."
"You're good," Hunter relented as they headed back to the car.
"Somethings just need you to put a bit of thought into them," Kurt smirked smugly.
"Don't be smug, that's my thing."
Kurt held his hands up in surrender, "I wasn't being smug."
"Arrogance doesn't suit you either sweetheart."
"It's not arrogance when your abilities match your confidence," Kurt smirked, "that's being self-aware."
"That's a good one," Hunter chuckled, "I'm going to use that one."
"Hunter," Kurt stopped in his tracks, "Where is the car?"
"I don't know," Hunter looked around suspiciously.
"Do you think they left us here?" Kurt frowned as he dialled Bobbi's number.
"That would be so rude," Hunter gaped.
"So rude," Kurt agreed as he waited for Bobbi to answer her phone.
"Kurt," she didn't sound impressed, "what's up?"
"Did you guys move the car?" Kurt spoke impatiently.
"No."
"Does it become invisible?" Kurt followed up.
"No."
"It's definitely gone," Kurt looked around, "Do you know whether Mack would have any reason to take it?"
"No," Bobbi's voice came from behind him instead of through the headset.
Kurt watched her try to touch the missing car, Hunter furrowed his brow, "I thought you said no to the car being invisible?"
"Who knows what Fitz and Mack do in their spare time?" Bobbi held her hands up in surrender, "I wouldn't be surprised if the car was also a spaceship, they never tell us about anything."
"I have figured as much," Kurt nodded, "but I don't think they spend their time making cars invisible."
Bobbi stepped forward and tried to touch the car again, "Okay, I'm satisfied it isn't invisible."
Kurt groaned, "Are we going to have to walk to the ship because these boots are an Alaïa?"
"I think you should be more concerned with the fact that Mack is missing than your shoes," Hunter countered.
"We can't legally declare him missing until he's been gone forty-eight hours," Kurt shrugged, "I'm going to call us an Über."
"I'm going to call Daisy and Joey," Bobbi said, "We need to find Mack, that'll lead us to the people we're looking for."
~0~
"Okay," Daisy furrowed her brow, "Mack is gone, how did that happen?"
"We think he was kidnapped," Hunter interjected.
"How do you kidnap someone as large as Mack?" Daisy quirked a brow.
"They took the van as well," Hunter shrugged, "I'm sure an SUV is the only car you could move him in without his permission without needing a special license."
"Unless you use a honey pot," Kurt smirked, "with the right engineer you could lure him into the back of a smart car."
"I can see that happening," Joey snorted.
"I know, right?" Kurt beamed.
"Why would you use an engineer specifically?" Bobbi quirked a curious brow.
Kurt stopped for a moment, "I just think-" his words twisted in his throat, "he'd better enjoy the company of someone in a field that was more closely aligned to his own field of expertise."
"Speaking of," Daisy drew all their attention, "you're sure the car isn't invisible? Knowing Fitz and Mack anything is possible."
Kurt wanted to scream at how oblivious a group of seemingly intuitive people could be about things that came to him more naturally. Kurt shook his self-defeat off and focused, "Bobbi checked twice." Kurt confirmed, he buffed his nails on his shoulder, "just check the car's tracker. Follow it to Mack and the big bad weapon thief." Kurt smiled to himself, "When I tried drinking in sophomore year I woke up in a fountain in the park near my house and I realised that I'd lost my car, my tracker helped me find it."
"That's very disturbing," Joey scoffed.
Kurt shrugged, "I learnt a life lesson."
"SHIELD vehicles and equipment are untraceable," Daisy explained, "We wouldn't want Hydra or the Government to use those bugs to trace us."
"That doesn't seem smart," Joey shook his head.
"Especially considering that there are people like me who are here as an alternative to prison," Kurt added.
"I've always wanted a Lexus," Hunter smirked, "Now I know how I'm getting one."
"I need a new car too," Joey chuckled shyly, "I kind of melted my old one, I don't think my insurance will cover that."
"You should file under driver related damage," Bobbi suggested, "or natural disaster cover, claim it was a heat wave; they can't contest that."
"Oh," Joey's face lit up, "you're good! If that works out then I'll only steal office supplies."
"My dad cut the lease on my Navigator," Kurt smiled, "The idea of a Lexus sounds great, I especially like the matte black."
"You had a Navigator?" Daisy quirked a curious brow.
"My dad knew the dealer and he gave us a ridiculously good price," Kurt explained, "Basically giving it to us at cost."
"That's how the rich get richer," Hunter sulked.
"Oh, come on! I just-" Kurt crossed his arms with an indignant huff, "shouldn't we be looking for Mack?"
Bobbi nodded, "what you got Daisy?"
"I've got security camera footage," She pointed to the monitor and they all crowded around to have a look, "You see there he is."
"He's looking at someone or something," Bobbi added, "Then the van opens itself."
"There goes invisibility," Kurt nudged Hunter in the ribs.
"Then he just goes flying into the back of the van," Bobbi shook her head, "Telekenisis?"
"Doesn't explain how Mack loses his weapon to the assailant," Hunter shook his head.
"Look at the way Mack flies into the van," Joey pointed his finger, "he was pushed." Everyone turned to Joey and he shrank under the scrutiny, "maybe."
"How do you push someone as large as Mack?" Hunter shook his head, "not that I haven't tried."
Kurt waited for Joey to answer but the shyer boy was silent, "You overcome his stationary force, either by having a greater mass or a greater acceleration." Daisy quirked a brow, "I'm still studying this stuff, I have exams at the end of the academic year."
"I remember that I learned physics in school," Bobbi shrugged, "but I just remember the names of the things I learned; one of them was called mechanics, right?"
"That's this section," Joey chuckled shyly, "the study of motion."
"Back to the matter at hand," Hunter snapped his fingers, earning a glare from everyone in the room. He shrunk under the scrutiny, "I got bored of the nerd talk, sorry."
"So rude," Kurt shook his head in disapproval.
"Sorry," Hunter held up his hands in surrender, "but are you telling me that we're dealing with someone with super physics?"
Bobbi flicked his ear, "if you were patient then we'd have gotten an answer from the physics student."
"It's super speed," Kurt tried to supress a giggle.
"Super physics is a good guess considering we live in the physical world and all superpowers are super or alternative physics," Joey teased, "you get a gold star."
They all laughed at Hunter's expense, Bobbi stopped laughing, "Still doesn't tell us where Mack is."
"Yes," Daisy smiled as she typed furiously on her laptop, "but we can slow the video down until…" she typed more furiously until a vaguely distinguishable figure appeared, "we can identify our assailant's reflection as it is visible in the car window."
"And now we can get their details off the system," Bobbi grinned.
"Her details," Kurt clarified, "Elena Rodriguez."
"She's a bookkeeper at a museum and she teaches art classes at a night school," Bobbi furrowed her brow, "are you sure this is the right person?"
"Maybe she's diversifying her portfolio," Hunter shrugged, "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely."
"Joey, Kurt," Daisy got to her feet, "let's go rescue Mack."
~0~
"…I'd like to know that your love, is love I can be sure of. So tell me now, cause I won't ask again," Kurt crooned along with Amy Winehouse.
"We're here," Daisy reprimanded him.
"Just a few more seconds," Kurt shushed her, "Will you still love me tomorrow? Will you still love me tomorrow? Yeah." Kurt hummed the rest of the song as they disembarked from the car.
"You're never picking the music again," Daisy grumbled, "I thought I had my bases covered when I said no Celine Dion."
"I personally prefer when Roberta Flack sings that song," Joey shrugged.
"The drama Amy brings to the soundtrack version of this song," Kurt shook his head, "She slays."
"The drama is what makes me prefer Roberta," Joey shrugged, "Amy is too over the top."
"I would agree," Kurt pursed his lips, "if she didn't completely get away with it."
"I will give you that much," Joey shrugged, "She does get away with it."
"That's enough," Daisy snapped in a hushed voice as they came to the third floor landing, "the element of surprise is everything."
"Sorry," Joey and Kurt whispered in unison.
She signalled for them to advance, Elena's apartment was at the end of the hallway and they stood at the ready. Daisy extended her hand, ready to blast the door down but Kurt grabbed her by the wrist, "If you damage the door she won't get her deposit back."
Kurt grabbed the door handle but it was locked, Daisy smirked knowingly but Kurt kept turning the handle till the locking mechanism gave way, "see, a lock is easier to discreetly replace th-" Kurt was blown off his feet by an unseen entity soon as he swung the door open.
Daisy sent a pulse through the air and blasted the woman back when she tried to attack. Kurt gasped when, despite flying back in one direction, she reappeared on the ground between them and the bathroom where Mack was taped to the pipes.
"That was freaky," Joey confirmed what Kurt was seeing.
"You can say that again," Kurt nodded his agreement, Kurt rubbed at the base of his spine, "Could somebody please help me up, I think my tailbone is as bruised as my ego."
"Here we go hombre," Joey extended a helpful hand as Daisy cuffed their target, he then jogged over to where Mack was taped to the exposed bathroom piping, "Let me help you Mack."
"Thanks to all of you," Mack smiled broadly as he rubbed his wrists, moving the joints to recall his dexterity.
"Don't thank us," Daisy smiled politely.
"Send money," Kurt countered.
"Kurt!" Daisy and Joey chorused in reproach.
"Fine," Kurt rolled his eyes and cocked his hip, "isn't this the part where one of you makes an unwitty pun."
"Not really our style," Mack chuckled.
~0~
"Hello," Kurt answered his phone with a start, glad for the distraction from Elena's interrogation.
"Hi," an unfamiliar, masculine voice came through the receiver, "is this the owner of IP address '2001:0DB8:AC10:FE01::'?"
Kurt was silent for a moment, "who has their IP address memorised?"
"Someone with the technical know-how to hack my system," the man sounded mildly annoyed, "I'd like to speak to that user."
"It's cute how you're trying to make your problems my problems," Kurt chuckled, "but I don't work for you, I don't have to do anything for you, least of all connect you to somebody whom you can't even name or prove exists."
The voice chuckled arrogantly, "Do you know who you're talking to?"
"You called me," Kurt countered, "also, you're assuming I would care if I did know."
"Look," the man sounded irritated by this point, "you hacked me-"
"Allegedly," Kurt added the clarifying information, "look, it's going to sound like I'm hanging up on you because-" Kurt hung up and smiled at his dark phone, "I'm hanging up on you."
"Who is that?"
Kurt wasn't aware he had an audience but he looked up and locked eyes with Fitz, he grinned malevolently, "this guy who is totally going to want to bang me in a few months."
"After you spoke to him like that?" Fitz quirked a curious brow.
"Different strokes for different folks," Kurt shrugged, "he's probably got a boner right now."
Fitz shook his head in disbelief, "What makes you think he's into being condescended to?"
"He knew exactly who he was calling yet he asked me who I was using my IP address," Kurt smirked, "he was trying to play me, I just changed the rules of the game."
"That sounds like a lot of hard work," Fitz shook his head.
"Well," Kurt shrugged, "it's more universally accessible than your thing."
The man's eyes turned to saucers, "my thing."
"Derp, look at me I'm Scottish," Kurt put on an overly exaggerated accent as he spoke, "I'm being adorable, I don't really get people but this is making you want to fuck me for some reason." Kurt put his index finger to his lip and arched his back as if being nonchalantly seductive, "derp."
Fitz gaped at him in awe for a moment before a grin slowly spread across his face, "I do not say derp that much."
"The fact that you say it at all is concerning all on its own."
"Also, I don't know what you mean," Fitz shook his head, "I'm single, you're the one who has Bruce Banner wrapped around your finger."
"I'm sure you could find someone to destroy a McDonald's with, right here on this plane," Kurt grinned.
"You do realise that isn't a date?" Fitz shook his head, "it's also very illegal."
"The things we do for sex," Kurt shook his head.
Fitz gaped at him, "how did you fly under the radar for so long with an attitude like that?"
"Self-suppression," Kurt nodded to himself, "My dad was very paranoid about being found by the government, this made it imperative that we live a certain way." Kurt smirked malevolently, "now he has universal immunity and I can be as visible as I like."
"And this is how you choose to be visible?"
"As Shakira says 'Try Everything'," Kurt smirked.
"Kurt," Daisy peaked into the room, she eyed the pair of them for a moment, "We've confirmed that Elena is telling the truth, Bobbi and Hunter are MIA and we suspect the police."
"May I please be excused?" Kurt smirked, "I need to go rip out some spines."
"We're not ripping out people's spines," Daisy gaped, "maybe we'll knock some people unconscious, but no spine ripping."
"You do realise that I've destroy a McDonald's," Kurt flicked the tip of his nose with his thumb, "I'm beyond the law."
"Then let's consider cleanliness," Daisy chuckled as she led him to the car, "who's going to clean the mess afterwards? Do you want to get blood on those beautiful Alaïa boots?"
"I'll let them keep their spines this time," Kurt rolled his eyes. Kurt swung his arm over Daisy's shoulder, "can I pick the music again?"
"I think Joey deserves a turn," Daisy grinned, "spare me from the ballads for a bit."
"I was actually going to go the showtunes route," Kurt shrugged, "you could stand to learn a thing or two about Jellicle Cats."
"I don't know what that is but I hope it stays as far away from me as the sun," Daisy shook her head, "Get in the car."
"What do you have for us Joey?"
"Just listen," the boy smiled shyly, "And be amazed."
A funky guitar rift filled the car, followed by the snapping of fingers, 'I was just a little girl, skinny legs, a press and curl.' The radio sung, filling the car with the sound of the turn of the century.
"This song goes in," Kurt smirked, "I was barely a person when this song was released but Lauryn Hill has a timeless and ageless quality to her."
"That's some high praise," Daisy smirked, "but I must agree, even I know this one."
"Since when do we play music in the car?" Mack spoke from behind the wheel, "Aren't we supposed to be getting into the zone?"
"We're just going to beat up some cops," Kurt scoffed, "We're not going to invade a foreign country."
"For someone with little to no experience, you seem awfully sure of yourself."
Kurt shrugged, "Worst case scenario, we die."
"Or we're captured and kept in some facility far from everything and everyone we've ever known," Joey retorted.
"Nice one," Kurt high-fived him.
"You are aware that he's talking about SHIELD," Daisy furrowed her brow, "right?"
"Yes," Kurt rolled his eyes, "that's what makes it funny."
"We had his permission to do that," Daisy squalled defensively.
"I get the feeling that they're both aware of that," Mack gave a small chuckle, "I think they're trying to get under your skin."
"I think you're starting to catch on," Kurt smirked condescendingly.
Daisy rolled her eyes, "Let's get this over with, then you two can grill me till you're blue in the face."
"Blue in the face?" Kurt quirked a curious brow, "is that some kind of joke? Because that's kind of racist."
"What?" Daisy gaped at him, "I didn't mean it that way, I wasn't thinking about it that way."
"I know," Kurt giggled, "I don't even think of it that way." Kurt hopped out of the car, "Let's covertly interfere in the affairs of a foreign nation."
Joey looked him up and down, shrugged and flashed a lopsided grin as they followed Daisy into the police station. Kurt stretched his limbs, cracked his knuckles and prepared himself for battle, "what are you expecting to find in there?"
"Probably guns," Kurt shrugged, "I'm not ready to be shot."
Mack turned the safety off his firearm, "nobody wants to get shot."
"Do I get a gun?"
"I'm not putting a weapon in the hands of a sixteen year old," He shook his head, "besides, given the state of that McDonalds, one might think you are the weapon."
"I'm a little boy," Kurt batted his eyebrows.
"You all remember the plan?" Daisy asked the group. They all nodded, "Let's go."
Kurt kicked down the door and Elena stormed the room, taking down two of the guards. Kurt followed her, taking point from her when she was shot back to her original spot. Kurt ran as fast as he could, he summersaulted over the next guard and grabbed him by the shoulders, slamming him into the wall. Kurt ran on the wall for a few steps, leaving crates where his feet had made contact with the wall.
Joey melted the policemen's guns before they could reach for them; Daisy, Elena and Kurt took them out one by one. Kurt tumbled from wall to wall, using his strength to create inertia which added an extra kick to his roundhouse. He was caught unawares by Elena's immobilised body, crashing into him at great speed and knocking him off his feet.
Kurt growled, "What the hell?"
"Watch out for Medusa eyes over there," Daisy warned, "Joey?"
"I'm on it," the nervous young man mumbled.
Kurt got back to his feet and pounced as Joey melted the man's sunglasses onto his face, knocking the man back and unconscious. He rolled out of the tackle and flipped back onto his feet.
"You are amazing to watch," Daisy gaped at him, "You're probably as good as May."
"This was nothing," Kurt shrugged.
"You walked on the walls," Joey mused.
"And you're bullet proof."
Mack shook his head, taking point, "you're all pretty girls."
"Tell me something I don't know," Kurt rolled his eyes, "Like what we do next?"
"Next, we get Bobbi and Hunter," Mack explained, "And we head home."
"I'm not going to call that dungeon home," Kurt shook his head, "Home is where the hardwood floors and crown mouldings are."
"I have carpets in my apartment," Joey furrowed his brow, "does that make me homeless?"
"Basically," Kurt shrugged.
Daisy glared at him, "I was actually homeless, lived in my car, not the same as having to suffer through bad decorating."
Hope you enjoyed it!