Knock Out was not Starscream's friend, not at all. The medic was merely a semi-intelligent bot who was more amusing than most, having both a biting tongue and a penchant for gossip. That was why Starscream deigned to meet with the doctor for drinks in his quarters on a regular basis.

Not because they were friends.

"And then Breakdown lost his grip on the screwdriver and it fell behind the drone's strut and we couldn't get it out," Knock Out was chuckling. "And that one still rattles as he walks!"

The story was mildly entertaining so Starscream gave a light laugh. Ah, it was so refreshing conversing with someone who had interests other than warmongering. Though the company wasn't the only reason he came here, of course. The drinks were another perk.

He picked up his glass, rolling it in his hand so the magenta liquid caught the light. A decorative slice of rainbow metal hung on the rim.

"Pardon my paranoia, doctor, but I'd like to know what this is before I ingest it."

"Relax, Herr Kommandant, it's regular high grade infused with an extract of tourmaline and some sugar quartz, with a bismuth garnish." Knock Out raised his glass in a toast and savored his first sip. "Mmm, delightful! Anyway, what would I gain by offing you?"

"Nothing," Starscream grudgingly admitted, raising his glass to his lips. It was overly sweet, but otherwise tolerable. Well. It was gratifying to know that the doctor understood that his rank was far inferior to Starscream's and he could never hope to take his place as Second-in-Command.

Knock Out picked the disk of bismuth off the edge of his glass and delicately nibbled a bit off before popping the entire thing in his mouth and crunching it with vigor. "And as far as coups go, I would hope you know that you wouldn't gain anything by leading me to an early grave, either. I am the only medic on the ship, after all."

"There's Breakdown."

As if summoned by his name, Breakdown whisked into sight with a pitcher, refilling their glasses. He leaned down so he could stare directly into Starscream's optics.

"If you ever lay a finger on the Doc," he said, "I'm gonna punch your head clean off."

Starscream quailed under his glare. "O-of course! I was merely jesting—"

"Now Breakdown . . ." Knock Out admonished with a slight frown.

"Oh yeah! And I'll, uh . . . crumple up your body and play lob-ball with it."

"Much more creative!" Knock Out cooed, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. Breakdown retreated, grinning goofily.

"I can't believe you're encouraging such brutish behavior and—and disrespect," Starscream said once Breakdown was safely out of earshot. "I am Second-in-Command!"

"His behavior isn't a problem, it's a perk. Oh, don't make that face, 'Lord' Starscream. I know you have a penchant for big buff bots too." Knock Out reached over to cheekily pick the bismuth garnish off Starscream's drink. "Or should I ask Meg-a-tron what you like?"

"That will not be necessary." Starscream's cheeks flushed a darker silver as Knock Out drove his glossa into the empty wedge that had enabled the garnish to cling to the glass, lapping and sucking with obvious innuendo. "Must you be so lewd?"

"No, but I choose to be," Knock Out smirked. "But seriously, what's up with the Big M? Has he been acting . . ." The medic trailed off and restarted. "How's he been acting?"

"What do you mean? If you think I'm going to imitate perverted interfacing acts right in front of you—not that I'm admitting we do that—anyway I haven't been in his quarters for two weeks and when I do go it's for perfectly innocent reasons—"

"Relax." Knock Out flopped back in his chair and sucked down more of his cocktail. "I was just wondering if he's still hopped up on dark energon."

". . . I'm sure he'll get it out of his system soon."

"Ugh." Knock Out slid down in his chair. "And has he been experiencing any pain from, er . . . "

"From what?" Starscream frowned. Knock Out had slid his hand down to his cherry-red aft, which probably meant the oversexed bot was trying to make another ridiculous joke about interfacing.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing." Knock Out gazed into the middle distance, absently twirling rainbow disk of bismuth in his fingers. "You haven't seen him in a while, you say? Probably for the best."

Starscream's optics narrowed in immediate suspicion. The medic was up to something. Or worse, the medic knew Megatron was up to something. Was he cheating on Starscream? Would that uncouth buckethead dare?

Not that they had anything to cheat over Each of their . . . interactions . . . was discrete and coincidental and certainly didn't infer any kind of relationship.

But he was the only one allowed to have a not-relationship with Megatron! And if the rusty old warlord had forgotten that, Starscream would make sure to remind him.

Starscream waited till the end of the night shift to make his move. The moment Megatron left the bridge, Starscream was on his heels.

"Oh, are you walking this way, Lord Megatron?" he asked, his wings showily spreading as he gestured down the hall with one long, elegant arm. (As though he didn't know the way to Megatron's quarters, as though he hadn't been there a dozen times.) "You should really engage more security, my liege, the Autobots have invaded the ship several times. Permit your loyal second-in-command to accompany you."

"That might be an option, if I had one," Megatron growled—clearly trying to rile Starscream's pride and incite him into storming off.

But Starscream was too clever to be put off the scent. "I would be honored to play such a role tonight," Starscream said with a pretty flutter of his wings and a gravelly chuckle.

Megatron just grunted as he continued down the hall. His non-reaction to Starscream's wings was practically proof that he was planning a rendezvous with some floozy! With a smile on his face and murder in his spark, Starscream accompanied him, filling the silence with inane chatter on the output of the energon mines as he tested the sharpness of his claws.

"Enough of your babble! We have arrived." Megatron slapped a broad hand on the door's activation pad. "Whatever treachery you are planning, Starscream, dismiss it from your mind."

"Oh, of course, you wouldn't know anything about treachery, would you? Or broken promises or betrayal?" Starscream snapped. Made bold by his fury, he strode right into Megatron's quarters. The berth was empty, but he wasn't fooled. "Hiding are we? Give up your pathetic subterfuge, you rust-infested tramp! Where are you? Show yourself!" He threw the pillows about and looked under the bed.

"Starscream!" Megatron caught his arm in one broad hand. His brows were lowered over his purple optics. "What madness is this?"

"Madness, Lord Megatron?" Starscream snarled, getting right up in his face with such ferocity that the warlord leaned back. "Is it madness to have a modicum of self-respect? Or do you really expect me to accept being replaced by some hopped up piece of shareware?"

Megatron looked baffled—the nerveof him, to pretend he didn't know exactly what Starscream was talking about!—and Starscream took the opportunity to twist out of his grip and dart to the one hiding place he hadn't yet investigated: Megatron's personal washracks.

"AHA!" Starscream cried as he bounded through the doorway, his claws crooked and ready to slash. But the room was empty. "Impossible!" He pulled the curtain back from the shower, searched behind the hot water tank, and even opened the linen closet, scrabbling the micro-mesh towels off the shelves.

Eventually his actions slowed. In his peripheral vision he saw Megatron standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

"Ah . . . my liege . . ." He swallowed. "I apologize. I, I was feeling unwell and—It's all Knock Out's fault! He poisoned me with his swill and due to food poisoning, I acted . . . rashly?" The last word came out in a squeak as he finally dared take a direct peek at the Decepticon leader.

To his relief, Megatron looked amused rather than furious. "It would seem that I misjudged you, Starscream; you are not a treacherous Second tonight, but an amorous one!"

Starscream couldn't decide whether to deny this or not. He settled for holding his head high and his wings erect as he strode out of the washracks. He was going to kill Knock Out. How dare he mislead Starscream like that!

Before he could dart through the door to the hall and forget this embarrassing moment ever happened, Megatron curled an arm around his waist and pulled him back against his broad chestplates. "Leaving so soon, Air Commander? After your jealousy dragged you all the way here to stake your claim, are you so eager to abandon it?"

"W-well . . ." Megatron's chassis was hot against his wings, his powerful engine thrumming in a way that was most flattering. "I don't have any plans for the evening, so I suppose it wouldn't hurt to . . . dally."

"Then dally we shall, my conniving Seeker," Megatron purred, depositing him on the berth. Starscream scrambled backwards to make room as Megatron crawled after him. "I shall prove to you that I, at least, am loyal. Would you like that?" He loomed over Starscream, reaching to run a finger down his chestplates. "To hold such intimate knowledge in the very essence of your being?"

"M-master . . ." Starscream's vents quickened and his spark thummed, heated and needy. "Yes! Please!"

"You see, Starscream?" Megatron smirked as he stroked the smooth glass of the jet's cockpit. "When your demands are reasonable, they are met. Now open for me."

"Megatron . . ." Starscream moaned as his chestplates folded back, exposing his spark.

"So eager," Megatron purred.

But it seemed that Megatron was not so eager? Was he having second thoughts? Because he was turning around on the berth, still on hands and knees but facing away from Starscream.

"Master?" Uncertain now, Starscream sat up. He therefore had an excellent view when the thick, curved silver plating started shifting away to reveal a glimmering, luminous—

"Starscream! There you are at last. Sit, sit." Knock Out gestured him towards a chair.

Starscream silently stalked over and threw himself into it.

"Breakdown's invented a new drink," Knock Out continued to chatter. "I call this one Mega Maelstrom because it packs a punch. Be warned."

"Be warned," Starscream repeated in an accusing tone. He leaned forward, his fists clenched and trembling. "Be warned."

"Er, that is what I said . . ." Knock Out recoiled, taking in the heaving of Starscream's chest and the crazed look in his optics. "Is something wrong?"

Starscream picked up the cocktail, threw it in Knock Out's face, and stalked out.

"Hey!" Breakdown shouted after him. "You can't do that to Knock Out! Doc, do you want me to—?"

"No, no. Leave him. I believe he's suffered a shock." Knock Out wiped the stinging energon out of his optics. "I was trying to spare him, Breakdown. I was trying to spare him."

Breakdown gave a grunt, dubious. "Okay, but he's still an aft."

"Not one that requires surgery, thank Primus."