What's up, guys? Back after months of absence. I was busy at DeviantArt (also known as slated289). South Park's a show that I watched for many years. These episodes came into my head and I couldn't stop thinking about them. Here we go!
Description: Cartman wins a tour of the Cheesy-Poof Factory.
It was a fine day at South Park. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and all was quiet. And the four boys (Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny) were sitting around Stan's house watching Terrance and Phillip.
"Say, Terrance, did you know about the new MyPhone 8?" Phillip said.
"No, I don't, Phillip. I heard that if you give them a coupon, you get a free phone!" Terrance said.
"What's the coupon, Terrance?" Phillip asked.
Terrance farted on Phillip.
"That's the coupon!" Terrance said.
The duo both laughed. The four boys did too.
"Man, that was awesome!" Stan said.
"And now, these messages." The announcer said.
The image changed. A boy was holding a bag of Cheesy-Poofs. When he opened it, a golden scroll was around its silver wrapping.
"You could win one of the four golden scrolls found in the limited edition Cheesy-Poof packets!" The spokesperson said. "The four golden scroll winners will receive a tour of the Cheesy-Poof Factory and a lifetime supply of Cheesy-Poofs. Now, remember, I love Cheesy-Poofs, You love Cheesy-Poofs. If we didn't Cheesy-Poofs, we'd be lame."
"Oh, hell yeah!" Cartman said as he got out of his chair.
"Hey, where you going?" Kyle asked.
"Must... win... Cheesy-poofs!" Cartman said.
Later...
It was the end of the school day, Cartman packed his stuff into his backpack and walked out the door. There, he saw a crowd of students. When he went to the center, he saw Wendy Testaburger holding a golden scroll.
"Yay, I found one!" Wendy cheered.
"Congratulations, Wendy!" Stan said.
"Read it! Read it!" A student said.
"You can bring one person with you for the tour." Wendy read.
Looking at Stan, Wendy knew who to pick.
Two more golden scrolls were found. One in Vancouver, and another here in South Park. A disabled kid named Carlos found the latter scroll while the former scroll finders refused to be interviewed. There was still one scroll left. Then one day...
"You guys!" Cartman said.
"What?" Kyle said.
"The last scroll... it has been found!" Cartman said.
Cartman took Kyle to the electronics store. There, the TV displayed the news.
"The last scroll was found by a Japanese 19-year-old named Jayden. She said she found it by purchasing just one bag of Cheesy-Poofs."
The image changed. A young Japanese woman held her ticket for everyone to see. Then she spoke in really bad English.
"I found it while eating a bag of chips." The woman said.
"And there you have it, folks. The last golden scroll was found." The reporter said.
Cartman was crestfallen. After shoplifting a huge stock of chips from every store he could think of, there wasn't a single scroll.
"Wait, this just in, The fourth scroll is a forgery. And Jayden is subsequently arrested by the police."
The image changed to Jayden being arrested by the police.
"Ay caramba." She said.
Cartman took out a bag of chips from his pocket. He opened it and saw something shining in there.
Play the "finding the golden ticket" from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" music at this point.
Cartman dug through the bag and saw a golden scroll in there. He stuffed the chips in his pocket and held the golden scroll.
"I found it!" Cartman exclaimed. "I found the last scroll!"
Everyone crowed around Cartman.
"He found it!"
"Run home, Cartman. Run as fast as you can!" Kyle cheered.
Cartman ran as fast as he can back home.
Still play Willy Wonka music here.
Cartman ran past the school, the city hall, their usual bus stop, then to hi-
"AHH!" Cartman yelped.
Cartman got up after falling on the sidewalk.
"SSSS...AHHHH. SSSS...AHHH. SSSS...AHHH. SSSS...AHHH." Cartman groaned.
The next day...
The four winners of the scrolls stood in front of the gates. Wendy, the first winner, brought Stan with her. The second winner was an 18-year-old male and he brought a hooded figure with him. Nobody seemed to mind. The third winner, Carlos brought his mom with him. Cartman brought Butters Stotch with him.
"Oh boy, I never went to a factory before!" Butters said.
"Shush!" Wendy said.
The owner of the Cheesy-poof factory was Cheesy Chad. Cheesy walked out to greet th-
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Cheesy collapsed to the ground with bullet holes. The winners and the pedestrians turned to the gunshots. A man from a car holding a handgun appeared in front of the group.
"That's for my brother! He ate these crappy chips to death!" He said.
The car zoomed away. The winners backed from the cage.
"Gotcha."
Cheesy stood up. He was fine! The man who shot him also drove back.
"A special thanks to Alberto for pulling this act!" Cheesy said.
The winners handed their tickets over to Cheesy.
"Hey, what are those little guys?" The 18-year-old male said, pointing to the little guys who all look the same.
"Those are my Cheesy-Weesies. They make the Cheesy-Poofs." Cheesy said.
"Awesome!" Cartman said.
Stairs were leading into the factory, but no ramp.
"Hey, Cheesy, where's the wheelchair ramp?" Carlos asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry. We don't have one. I guess this is the end of the road for you." Cheesy said.
Cheesy played a song on his flute.
Play the "Oompa Loompa" song.
6 Cheesy-Wheesies walked around Carlos.
"Cheesy-Weesie gobble dee goo.
Life isn't fair, it's sad but it's true.
Cheesy-Wheesie gobble do dee.
When you have legs as stiff as a tree." The Cheesy-Wheesies all sang in unison.
"What do when you're stuck in a chair?" A Cheesy-Wheesie sang.
"Finding it hard to go up and down stairs." Another one sang.
"What do you think of the one you call god?" Another one sang.
"Isn't his absence slight...ly... odd?" The Cheesy-Wheesies sang.
"Maybe he's forgotten you!" A Cheesy-Wheesie sang.
"Cheesy-Wheesie gobble dee doo.
You should be lucky that your not dog food.
You will be a big turd too.
Or Cheesy-Wheesie gobble dee glue!" The Cheesy-Wheesies sang.
As they sang, the Cheesy-Wheesies pushed Carlos away.
"Fine! I don't even want to tour this stupid factory!" Carlos shouted as his mom ran after him.
"Gobble dee doo." A Cheesy-Wheesie said.
Music stops.
Everyone waited until Cheesy Chad poured the cheddar powder on the puff lever. The lever moved down, causing the door next to it to open. The room that door opened showed a Cheesy-Like garden.
"Everything in this room is edible," Cheesy said.
Everyone ran to eat some Cheesy-Poofs. The 18-year-old boy was more interested in the soda river. He took a cup from his pocket and scooped some up.
"Hey, little boy! You must not disrupt the soda waters!" Chad said.
After just one drink, the boy stopped. You expected him to fall in the river, right?
"Hey, more Cheesy-Weesies!" Stan said.
The Cheesy-Wheesies were adding carbonated water, sugar, and coloring to the soda river.
"We got to go now," Cheesy said.
A boat arrived for the group. Everyone got on it and took off.
"Hey look, the Cheesy-Wheesies are making the Cheesy-Poofs." The boy said.
Cheesy-Wheesies were everywhere making the Cheesy-Poofs. Frying corn chips and adding the cheddar powder.
"This is how we make the Cheesy-Poofs. Then we add a special ingredient once the first batch is done." Cheesy said.
The Cheesy-Wheesies didn't want anyone to see the special ingredient, as proof that a Cheesy-Wheesie was blocking their view. Cartman then saw a door that was for "authorized personal only".
"What's behind there?" Cartman asked.
"It's a secret," Cheesy said.
"Is that where the secret ingredient is?" Wendy asked.
"Cheesy-wheesie gobble dee ingredient.
You should not ask for the secret ingredient." The Cheesy-Wheesies sang.
"We get the point. Damn guards." The boy said.
"Cheesy-Wheesie gobble de damn guards." The Wheesies sang.
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Cartman shouted.
Soon...
"Man, Am I thirsty," Cartman said.
Cartman leaned over the starboard to get some soda. He leaned too far and fell overboard.
"Help! Help! I can't swim!" Cartman said.
The 18-year-old boy dove under and rescued Cartman. When they resurfaced, the group was gone.
"Damn it!" He said.
Then, the sewage drain turned on. It sucked both Cartman and the boy in. The drainage then lead them to an underground area.
"Where are we?" Cartman said.
The boy walked up to two doors. One read "fake factory". He opened it. It was the factory the group was touring in. The guards and the Cheesy-Wheesies were slacking off.
"Odd." He said.
The other door read "real factory." The boy opened that one. Inside was a generic factory. Bags of Cheesy-Poofs, soda, and other Cheesy Poof products.
in the middle was a giant queen-like worm emitting orange clouds of powder from her butt.
"This must be how they're producing Cheesy-poofs." The boy said.
"Hey, what's your name?" Cartman asked.
"Huh?"
"Your name. What is it?"
"Oh, it's Peter."
"Where do you think we are, Peter?" Cartman asked.
"The factory was a ruse. This is the real factory. They didn't want us to think factory life was boring."
"And so now you know." A voice called them from behind.
It was Cheesy Chad. And he had the other group members with him. The Cheesy-Wheesies all held them at spear-point.
"Unhood him!"
The hood on the figure Peter brought with him was pulled off.
"A unicorn!" Wendy said.
"You guys had to be here don't you?" Chad said. "Lock them!"
Peter quickly threw a smoke bomb to the ground. It emitted a cloud of smoke. Peter and the Unicorn were gone.
"Where the hell did they go? Never mind that. Teach the others a lesson!" Chad said.
Eventually...
Stan and Wendy were stripped naked and tied to a chain on a crane that was about to dunk them in spicy hot sauce, Butters was slapped with verbal insults to him by the Cheesy-Wheesies, and Cartman was strapped to a conveyor belt about to be fed by the queen. The conveyor belt started moving, the chain started lowering.
"No! I'm too young to die!" Cartman screamed.
"Butters, help us!" Stan called.
"Hey asshole, no one likes you!" A Cheesy-Wheesie said.
"Yeah, you'll never get a girl!" Another one added.
Butters was curled up to the floor. The chain lowered some more. The hot sauce was up to Stan and Wendy's waist.
"Ow, my balls!" Stan yelped.
The conveyer belt was moving Cartman closer.
"I'm sorry, God!" Cartman yelled. "I'm sorry I got greedy, please, help me!"
The hot sauce was up to Stan and Wendy's chests.
"Stan, this may be the end for us," Wendy said.
"Yeah, it makes me feel bad for all the stuff I did to you. Like calling you a bitch when you were dating with Token." Stan replied.
"And I'm sorry for writing that break-up note with you. I should've known that Kyle's dad was harassing the girls."
Both of them were starting to tear up.
"I'm sorry for vomiting on you whenever you try to kiss me," Stan said.
"I'm sorry for ditching you on Halloween for the Chewbacca costume instead of Ragety-Anne."
Then there was a sudden jerk.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Both of them screamed.
The two then turned to the crane. The Unicorn had just hit the reverse button. The crane lifted the two out of the sauce. Peter stopped the conveyor belt and reversed it just as Cartman was going to get eaten, and fought off the Cheesy-Wheesies harassing Butters.
"You saved us!" Cartman cheered.
"Let's get out of here!" Peter said.
"Not so fast!" Cheesy Chad said from out of nowhere. He held up a gun in front of them. "You may have escaped my traps, but you won't get out alive!"
The Unicorn pounced on Chad from behind.
"Ow!" Chad said.
Peter ran up to the Unicorn.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." The Unicorn said.
"The Unicorn can talk?" Wendy said.
POOF! Peter threw another smoke bomb on the ground, causing both of them to disappear.
"Where did they go?" Stan asked.
"Let's get out of here," Cartman said.
"Sure, but first... Where are my clothes?" Wendy said.
THE END.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you were on my DeviantArt page (also called slated289), then you know who that unicorn character is. Like this and comment if you want more episodes.
UPDATE (4/8/2020): I have updated this chapter only to fix minor issues like spellings errors and changing a few words here and there.