First day of junior year all over again.
"I'm fine," Elena whispered to herself as she wrote in her diary. "Today, I feel much better."
How else did one respond after going through their entire life, die, go to heaven, and then get yanked back into their seventeen year old body?
"Everyone thinks I'm the sad little girl who lost her parents. But it's so much worse than that. I wish I could just tell them, but I'd only get a one way trip to the psych ward. I'll start fresh, make things better, with Elijah's help. It's the only way I'll be able to keep myself together."
Sliding her diary back into its hiding place, Elena moved to sit in front of the mirror and practiced her facial expressions. Once she was satisfied that she could at least pass as being fine, she headed out the door.
"Don't bother with making anything, Aunt Jenna," Elena said as she came down the stairs. "Coffee is where it's at."
"Are you sure?"
"Is there coffee?" Jeremy asked.
Elena handed him the cup she'd just poured and got another mug. Damn it. Now she was treating her brother like she did her children, children she might never have if things didn't work out. She inhaled sharply, desperate to bury the grief her thoughts brought with them.
"It's your first day of school and I'm totally unprepared." She approached them with cash in her hands. "Lunch money?"
"I'm good. I think we've got everything we need." Elena replied. "Don't you have a meeting today?"
"With my thesis adviser, now! Crap!" Panicked, Jenna started rushing around the room.
"Go, we'll be fine." She glanced over at Jeremy. "If you need to, you know you can talk to me, right?"
"Don't, Elena."
Jeremy walked away, leaving Elena alone with the TV, the news reporting that a couple had been killed the night before in a vicious animal attack.
"Damn it, Damon," Elena sighed. Reliving Damon's psychotic phase was not something she was looking forward too and she'd hoped that Elijah's presence would quell his more bloodthirsty ways. But clearly, he wasn't getting the hint.
A horn beeped from the driveway and Elena grabbed her bag and jacket. Bonnie was here. It was truly time to pretend she was a seventeen year old girl all over again.
"Hey!" Bonnie smiled as Elena climbed into the car.
"Hi. Thanks for the ride."
"No problem."
Putting the car into gear, she backed out of the driveway.
"So, Grams is telling me I'm psychic," Bonnie said as she drove down the street. "Our ancestors were from Salem. Witches and all that. I know, it's crazy. But she's going on and on about it and I'm like, 'Put this woman in a home already!' But then, I started thinking. I predicted Obama, and I predicted Heath Ledger, and I still think Florida will break off and turn into little resort islands."
"Maybe you are psychic," Elena replied.
"You can't seriously believe in all that." The other girl scoffed.
"Talk to your grams some more. Maybe she can show you, prove it to you."
"I can't believe you think you might actually think I should listen to her."
"It can't hurt to hear what she has to say, Bonnie. You might be surprised what you learn about yourself."
"I dunno. Maybe you're right."
Elena noticed the set of her friend's mouth and she asked, "What's going on?"
"I just, ever since you've woken up from your coma, something's been off about you. I… feel things when I touch you."
"Like what?"
"It's just made me think is all."
Just then, much like last time, a crow flew out in front of them and Bonnie lost control of the car, bringing it to a sliding stop.
"Damon," Elena hissed, annoyed with who the man she loved had been at this time.
"Are you alright?" Bonnie asked, frantic with worry.
"I'm fine. I promise. Just drive."
"Okay." Bonnie glanced over at Elena, but her expression remained doubtful.
"Just drive, Bonnie. I'm fine."
When they arrived at school, Bonnie griped, "Major lack of male real estate. Look at the shower curtain on Kelly Beech. She looks a hot, can we still say 'tranny mess'?"
"No," Elena said quickly. "Tranny is an insult to real people who are still learning the ropes of this new life they're creating for themselves so they can finally feel like they fit in the body they were born into."
"Wow. Look at you."
"What?" Elena asked, confused.
"I didn't realize you were so strong into gay rights."
"Transgender people, didn't ask for the things that they feel about their bodies and themselves, and it's time for the cis-het people who aren't total bigoted assholes to stand up and act like allies." Inwardly she cringed at her use of the phrase 'cis-het.' That wouldn't come into major use for a few years yet, and here she was.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. They deal with enough without us using words that mock them and their efforts to become themselves." Bonnie glanced over Elena's shoulder, her expression shifting and Elena followed her gaze to find Matt staring at her.
Elena waved at him, but he turned back to his locker, sadness radiating from every movement.
Right. According to everyone else, she'd just broken up with him, and the quarterback would still have feelings for her. Damn it. She was so used to Matt Donovan, town sheriff and best friend, that getting used to this version of him would take some time, but she didn't have time. She had to fall right into the swing of things without giving anything away. At least Elijah knew and she could count on him to listen to her rants about the struggle when they were alone, but that wouldn't make school any easier. What made her think she could do this?
"He hates me," Elena sighed, turning back to Bonnie. She wished she could shove the Matt she knew in later years into the head of this Matt. It would make things so much easier.
"That's not hate. That's 'you dumped me, but I'm too cool to show it, but secretly, I'm listening to Air Supply's Greatest Hits.'"
"Elena!" Caroline's voice drew her attention away from Bonnie.
Right. This wasn't confident, kick your ass, mom to two powerful siphon witches, Klaus is an ex of some sort Caroline. This was insecure, necrotic Caroline who covered it up by being peppy and captain of the cheer squad.
"Oh, my god!" She hugged Elena. "How are you?"
This time, she didn't doubt Caroline's sincerity, even if the address was over the top. Caroline felt things so deeply, even if she covered it up and this time, Elena was determined to do much better to acknowledge that.
And not just a better friend in listening more, but a better friend for what was to come too. Elijah had seen all that she knew about what happened to Caroline, so she could ask him to step in if necessary.
No. No. No. No. I will be a better friend, not depend on the supernatural that I know who can kick serious ass to save my friends all the time.
"It's so good to see you,"Caroline continued, then turned to Bonnie. "How is she? Is she good?"
"Caroline, I'm right here and I'm okay. Or at least I will be." She surprised herself with that last remark. Maybe having Elijah around, knowing the strongest person, aside from Klaus, had her back made her feel strong enough to be more honest.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'm better than I was."
"You poor thing." Caroline hugged her again. Letting go, she said, "See you guys later?"
"Sure." Elena smiled.
Caroline waved and flounced away, something Elena was no longer used to. The Caroline she knew was confident 'I'll kick your ass even if you are older than I am and buff my nails while I'm doing it,' woman, not this girl who hid behind a confident smile.
"Caroline." Bonnie caught Elena's arm and dragged her down the hall, only to stop a few moments later. "Hold on. Who's this?"
Stefan.
"It's just a back," Elena commented. "Back doesn't tell you a whole lot about a person."
"It's a hot back," Bonnie replied.
"Hot backs can belong to horrible people too."
"I'm sensing Seattle and he plays a guitar."
"Come on, Bonnie. Just cuz your Grams said you're psychic doesn't mean you can see everyone's past."
"I see weird things when I touch you," Bonnie retorted.
Before she could reply, she caught sight of Jeremy. Just like last time, she saw him going into the bathroom, so she followed him.
"What the hell?" she hissed, pushing him against the wall. "You gonna destroy your life over a few minutes of a good time? Damn it, Jer! What's it gonna take for you to stop? Huh?"
"Chill, alright?"
"You know what? Just know I'm gonna ruin each and every single buzz I can, okay? You're my brother, and I love you, so please, don't be this person. It's not you."
"I don't need this."
"Yes, actually, you do. You're only screwing yourself and everyone you deal to up. So if you care about them, about the life you're enabling them to destroy, stop." Touching on Vikkie was a low blow, but she'd do what she had to to straighten her little brother up.
Storming away, she exited the bathroom, only to run into Stefan.
"Kid brother, being stupid, you don't wanna know," she said by way of explanation, then brushed passed him.
What must Stefan think of her now?
The stray thought startled her, but she pushed it away. Who cared what Stefan thought of her? She was here to fix the mistakes of the past, not repeat them by being distracted by her raging hormones. Stupid teenage crap.
Why did it all have to go down when she was still in high school again?
Oh, wait. The Salvatores and Katherine entered her life then, that's why. And now, she'd dragged Elijah into the mix.
"Is everything alright?" Bonnie asked.
"Just Jeremy being Jeremy."
When she slid into her seat in history class later that morning, her phone buzzed and she opened the text message. It was from Elijah.
I've met Mrs. Lockwood and she's agreed to introduce me to your aunt at The Grill. I've asked to meet around 3:30, so enough time for you to get there after school, I trust.
I'll be there. What about the vervain she's on?
I'll be fine. I have managed to procure some for you, so the Salvatores, particularly Damon, can't do anything to you. I'll give it to you the next time we're alone.
Thank you so much
Thank you for your concern and thank you for the memories of cellphone usage. As I told you, I'm a little behind the times, so texting is not my preferred method of communication. However, I don't think your teachers would look too kindly on you answering the phone in class to talk about vampires.
No problem. Lol
She smiled as she slid her phone into her pocket just as Mr. Tanner entered the room, followed by Stefan. There was something about Elijah's subtle humor that she'd missed and hadn't realized it until she had it back in her life.
Her phone buzzed again and she checked it, only to find a message from Bonnie.
HAWTE-E STARING YOU.
Don't encourage Caroline. Salvatores can be really bad news. Especially the older one.
Elena slid her phone back into her pocket and didn't turn around. No doing anything to inspire Stefan to fall in love with her this time around. She didn't want that or need it complicating everything.
4 real?
Not interested in dating atm.
She turned her attention back to Mr. Tanner as he droned on, pretending he was far more interesting than he was, just so she wouldn't be tempted to see if Stefan stared at her as much this time as he did last time.
When class let out, Elena grabbed her books and moved to leave the room when Stefan stopped her.
"I'm Stefan Salvatore."
"I'm late for something." Ducking her head, she all but ran away.
"What is up with you?" Bonnie asked, catching up with her as they left the school that afternoon."
"Nothing. I've just got a lot on my mind. I'm gonna go meet Jenna at The Grill. Mind dropping me off?"
"Sure. But you've gotta tell me why you blew off Stefan like that. I mean, he is a major hottie."
"And I'm not ready for the dramatics of a high school relationship right now."
Bonnie gave her a side-eye, but said nothing else about it until they got to The Grill.
"What?" Elena asked, finally.
"You're different. I just wish I knew what it was."
"Don't worry about it, Bonnie." Elena smiled as she exited the car. And this time, the smile was almost real. She would make things right. And the people she loved would be safe.