"I'm planning on going to a party tomorrow night," Elena said as she approached Elijah at the pool table where he was shooting alone.
The way he was playing, she couldn't help but blame anyone who avoided trying to play against him. He could probably get them all in one shot if he really wanted to, but to keep a sort of low profile, he was going one at a time.
"A party?" He raised one brow, but kept his tone otherwise neutral.
"I'm seventeen, remember? Seventeen year olds go to inadvisable high school parties near the falls that vampires are likely to crash whenever they're feeling peckish."
"And older vampires keep the children from playing too rough with the humans." Elijah's lips curled into a teasing smile.
"You're not telling me I can't go?" Elena asked, surprised. If it were Damon or Stefan, they'd have locked her in the house with spells and called her an idiot.
"You're a grown woman, Elena. I'm not here to dictate your movements. I'm here to keep any of my kind from trying anything incredibly stupid and, to help my brother break his curse." Elijah shook his head and sighed. "My journal right now would seem ridiculous to anyone who dared read it."
"You keep a journal?" Elena asked, surprised.
"I've lived a thousand years. Memories fade and there are some things I'd rather remember, particularly when they involve a brave, kind woman being torn out of heaven and sent back to her teenage self to save my family."
"Sorry, I just never considered that you might do that."
"I'm a scholar by nature, so keeping records of my experiences allows me to reflect on my past, to have a record that I've lived."
"So I keep a journal because it's the Gilbert thing to do, to pass on our experiences to the next generation, but you keep one so you'll have that knowledge in future centuries."
"Essentially.
Elena chewed her lower lip for a long moment, then finally asked, "Have you found any clues about what happened to me? Or why it happened? Any records of something like this?"
"I found three. Two were said to have gone to hell and were desperate to fix everything they'd done wrong, while the third was supposed to have gone to heaven. But that person committed suicide not long after they were said to have woken up."
Elena found herself blinking back tears. She understood that, the need to return to the place where it was safe and she was loved without question.
"And?"
"Immediately after that, everyone connected to them fell apart, their lives becoming so horrible, that the family no longer existed after less than three generations."
"I can't say that I blame the person for dying. It's so hard here," Elena whispered, fighting tears. "Everything is a struggle and people are cruel, but I can't let them suffer because I'm not strong enough to take it. I just don't know how I can."
Elijah caught her chin and guided her face up to look at him.
"Then, let me fight for you and take the cruelty. I may not be able to provide you with the heaven you were taken from, but I can try my damnedest to make it easier for you."
"We'd better stop talking about this. You're gonna make me cry."
"Of course."
He glanced up, looking passed her, pursing his lips.
"What is it?"
"Matt Donovan clearly is still in the throes of post-breakup heartache."
"What's he saying?"
"He's convinced you and I are in the midst of a less than legal relationship and he's jealous."
"What?"
"Considering that you let me touch you just now and we are far more familiar with each other than we should be, according to what everyone else knows about us, he's not making an assumption completely out of left field."
"I'm over sixteen, which is the age of consent, so what does it matter who I spend time with?" She'd forgotten how awkward this portion of her relationship with Matt was and now, going through it again seemed even worse than it was the first time around.
"But you are under the age of eighteen and I'm clearly more than four years older than you are." Elijah took another shot and sank three striped balls at once. "I wonder if there's anything in those journals that you haven't told me, because they seem like they'd make an interesting addition to my book."
"Not likely." Elena wondered just who he'd detected coming around if he was changing the subject so fast.
"Or, perhaps they need to be looked at with fresh eyes. I may find something interesting that you simply skimmed over."
"It's possible." Okay, this person wasn't leaving, but Elena wasn't about to turn around and see who it was. She couldn't give whoever it was the impression that she was inviting conversation because that could lead to Elijah's plans falling apart, again.
Elijah reset the table and then shot in silence for a few moments before Elena became aware of footsteps heading straight towards them.
"Hi!" Caroline joined them. "Wow, you are really good."
"I have to be, to keep up with my brothers." Elijah sank another striped ball.
"Come on, Elena, why don't you come sit with us?" Caroline gestured to the table where Bonnie, Matt, Bonnie, and Stefan of all people were sitting.
When had he showed up? Oh, wait. When Elijah suddenly changed how he was speaking to her, that had to have been when Stefan arrived.
"I was elected to save you from the historian."
"The historian is actually a very interesting person. No saving required."
"So could we join you? Having your ex, and a wannabe ex sitting at the same table is really awkward," Caroline whispered.
"Wannabe ex?" Elena asked, curious.
"Yeah. Stefan keeps asking questions about you. Particularly about the two of you. I think he's got a crush on you or something and you're playing all mysterious blowing him off like that."
"I'm not sure what you're getting at, but Elijah's interested in my family's records of this town, as well as some journals that Jonathan Gilbert kept in the 1860s. And as for blowing him off, I never invited his attention."
"And I've dealt with my own share of losses, so that gives me a bit of an insight into how Elena is feeling, I hope you don't mind my adding?" He glanced at Elena, one brow raised, his expression slightly unsure.
"It's okay." She gave him a half smile before turning to Caroline. "But yeah, he's not boring and I'm not really interested in sitting down right now."
"You're really okay with him?"
"I'm very okay with spending time with Elijah."
"So, you don't want us joining the two of you?" Caroline's face brightened considerably.
"You can if you want to hear us talk about dusty records and dead people." Elena shrugged.
"Normally, I'd say 'no,' to that, but Matt and Stefan's thing is getting really old, really fast." Caroline giggled and waved the rest of the group over.
"What thing?"
"I think they're in a competition, trying to prove that one of them is better than the other."
Elena pulled a small face Elijah's direction and he smiled.
"So, Elijah, what brings you to Mystic Falls?" Stefan asked, feigning politeness.
"I grew up, not far from here, oh, what feels like a thousand years ago."
Elijah shifted so that he was standing between Stefan and Elena, though Elena wasn't sure he'd done it on purpose.
"So, you're back to write a book on the town where you grew up?" Caroline asked. "I can't believe both you and Stefan were born in Mystic Falls!"
"I'm a lover of history and it's not until you leave your home that you realize just how much there is still to learn about the place. And yes, Mystic Falls was my home when I was young."
"A thousand years, huh?" Stefan swallowed, suddenly nervous.
"Give or take a few decades, but yes. And Elena has been kind enough to grant me access to certain family records to see if there might be a fact or two I might glean from them."
"So were your parents in the military too?" Matt asked. "I mean, that's why Stefan and his family left."
"My parents split up and are not people you ever want to meet." Elijah's face hardened and he looked down at the pool cue in his hands.
"Oh, wow, that sounds awful," Bonnie said, sympathetic.
Matt looked a little guilty for his comments, but he said nothing.
"Not to worry, Miss Bennett. It's been years."
"But pain like that doesn't go away just because it's been a while."
Elena found herself wrapping her hands around his arm and rubbing it gently, needing to offer him whatever comfort she could. She'd been so wrapped up in her own problems the first time around that she'd never fully processed exactly what sort of childhood Elijah had or the pain having Mikael for a father had brought him.
"So, Stefan, any siblings?" Caroline asked.
"None that I talk to. I live with my uncle."
"What about you, Elijah?"
"An older brother and sister, two younger brothers still living and a younger sister, though I haven't seen them in a while."
"Oh, wow, large family. Wait, still living?"
"My youngest brother was killed in a hiking accident."
"Oh, I'm sorry." Caroline bit her lip and lowered her head.
"It's been years since his death and I'm firmly in the acceptance phase of the stages of grief, so there's no need to apologize," Elijah said gently as he lined up another shot and this time cleared the table.
"Mind if we play with you next game?" Matt asked.
"You can take the table if you like." Elijah handed the cue to Matt.
"Thanks."
Stefan picked up another stick and they went about resetting the balls. He kept glancing at Elena as he moved, and smiling whenever he caught her eye. Matt banged a few balls harder than was necessary and Stefan looked over at him, startled.
It was too much. It was all too much. She found it hard to focus on anything, conversations becoming nothing more than muted noise around her, until Elijah touched her arm lightly to get her attention.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some matters to attend to."
"I think I'll head out with you. And Caroline, I'll try to be at that party tomorrow night."
"You'd better be." Caroline tossed her hair over her shoulder. "What about you, Stefan, will you be there?"
"If Elena is there, I'll be there too."
When he smiled at her again, Elena found herself wishing she could hide behind Elijah without drawing unwanted attention. But such an action might start rumors, and bring Jenna's attention to her relationship with Elijah, making her aunt ask questions she couldn't answer.
With one last awkward wave, Elena fell into step beside Elijah, eager to get away from the teenage testosterone fueled staring competition that suddenly developed between Stefan and Matt.
"Are you alright?" Elijah asked as they walked slowly down the street.
"I'm starting to have a bad day," Elena admitted.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Elena shook her head. "There's not a whole lot to say that I haven't said already. I just don't want to be alone though. Being alone makes it worse."
"Severe trauma can do that to a person, and you've experienced the most severe trauma I've ever encountered."
"What? I wasn't tortured or anything. It's not like I was in hell." Elena wrapped her arms around herself, feeling pathetic for struggling with the life she knew others would kill for.
"No. You were at peace and then, ripped away from that. I can't imagine anything worse."
"How do I make a life now? How can I possibly find happiness when I've already know total peace?"
Elijah remained silent, not knowing how to answer her without sounding trite. What could he say that could make her feel better?
"Nothing here can ever fill the hole that knowing my fight was over and I was at peace, to suddenly not being there, has left in me. And I feel selfish and cruel for feeling like this, because I know there's got to be a reason, a good one. It just doesn't feel like a good one right now."
"The spirits of nature sometimes do things that make no sense to us, not until we get to the point where we can see the bigger picture. I hope that one day, you're able to get there, so that this pain you're experiencing now feels like it was worth it."
"You think it will?"
"They always have a reason, Elena. I know it's not a great comfort in light of what you're going through, but it's all I have to offer."
"Then, I guess I'll just have to take that and hold onto it. Because I've got nothing else."
When she got home, she collapsed onto her bed and pulled the blankets over her head without even bothering to take off her shoes. Nothing mattered right now, except resting and trying to gear up for tomorrow.
Tomorrow. That was a thought she hadn't had to consider in so long before this, and she cried herself to sleep.