In history class the next day, Elena struggled to pay attention, she really did. But it was easier said than done.
"The Battle of Willow Creek, near the end of the war, took place near our very own Mystic Falls. How many casualties resulted in this battle, Miss Bennett?"
"Um, a lot?" Bonnie seemed startled to be called on. "I'm not sure, like a whole lot?"
"Cute becomes dumb in an instant, Miss Bennett," Mr. Tanner sneered. "Mr. Donovan, would you like to take this opportunity to overcome your embedded jock stereotype?"
"It's okay, Mr. Tanner, I'm cool with it."
"Hmm. Elena? Surely you can enlighten us about one of the town's most significantly historical events?"
"Three hundred forty?" She knew it was around that, but she couldn't remember the exact number.
"Close." Mr. Tanner choked, startled. "But not quite. I honestly expected better from a Founding Family member."
"Three hundred forty-six," Stefan supplied, "unless you're counting the local civilians."
"That's correct, Mr…." He trailed off.
"Salvatore."
"Any relation to the original settlers here in Mystic Falls?"
"Distant."
"Except there were no civilian casualties in this battle."
"Actually, there were 27, sir. Confederate soldiers, they fired on the church, believing it to be housing weapons. They were wrong. It was a night of great loss. The founder's archives are, uh, stored in civil hall if you'd like to brush up on your facts, Mr. Tanner."
Mr. Tanner's mouth opened and shut, but he recovered quickly and continued on with his lesson.
That evening, Elena found herself wandering around the party alone, a cup of beer in her hands. Was she really a part of this at one time? She had memories of enjoying such events, but now, she no longer fit.
"Are you still brushing off Stefan?" Bonnie joined her.
"If that's what it takes to get him to leave me alone."
"Why? Because of Elijah?"
"What's going on there, it's not what you think. Trust me."
"I don't know. The guy seems like he'd be interested if you gave him some encouragement. And he's pretty."
"What?" Elena snickered into her cup as she took a sip.
"Just admit it, Elena."
"Okay, so he's a little pretty." Elijah was more than pretty. He was devastatingly handsome, not that she'd ever admit that out loud since it felt like a betrayal.
"And he has that romance novel stare. Those deep eyes, piercing your very soul. Did you ever notice?"
"Not really."
"When he looks at you when you're not paying attention, it's like, like he's in awe of you and would worship the ground you walked on if you let him."
"Now that's an exaggeration."
"It is not and you know it. If he doesn't have feelings for you, he's well on his way to having them."
"I hope he doesn't," Elena whispered.
Breaking Elijah's heart wasn't on her list of things to do, especially since she needed him so badly. To repay his kindness with hurting him like that, she couldn't do it. But he knew the score. He'd seen her memories and he was an honorable man. He'd respected her wishes before, he would do it again and he had his own future to fight for, one that wouldn't involve her in the end.
"I don't know what the deal with you is, Elena, but give the guy a chance. Honestly, if someone looked at me the way he looks at you, I'd be all over that. Hell, I'd pretend to faint, just hoping he'd be there to catch me. He's got the body to carry a woman pretty far. I wonder what he looks like with less clothing on."
"Wow, Bonnie." Elena shook her head and laughed. Bonnie wasn't wrong though. Elijah did cut a nice figure and being in his arms felt better than good, like he was strong enough to withstand anything and keep it from touching her at all.
"So where is he?"
"You tell me, you're the psychic one."
"Wait, I forgot. Gimmie a sec. Grams said I needed to concentrate."
"You need a crystal ball." Looking around, Elena found an empty beer bottle and handed it to her.
Bonnie touched it and then jerked away, horror etched across her face.
"What is it?"
"A casket. A grave. You. What happened to you?"
Okay. That was incredibly stupid of her, inviting the untrained witch to see things. Because if she wasn't careful, she'd give away the whole plan and then it would all fall apart and her being yanked out of heaven would be for nothing.
"Okay. I'm drunk. It's the drinking. I can't believe I said that." Bonnie walked away, head down.
"Bonnie!"
Frustrated, Elena turned around only to find Stefan standing there.
"Um, hi."
Please, don't let him think we were talking about him.
But the smile on his face suggested just that.
"I did it again, didn't I?" Stefan asked.
"I guess so." Elena shrugged.
"You're upset about something."
"No. Nope, I'm good."
"Care to walk with me?"
"I'm gonna get another drink." Elena turned towards the keg and Stefan fell into step beside her.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Elena snorted, then changed the subject. "You're kind of the talk of the town. Mysterious new guy, who knows more about the town's history than the history teacher does."
"You have the mysterious thing going on too, twinged in sadness."
"You already know what you need to know about my story. Parents car drove off the bridge, they died, I survived. I should be dead and I'm not."
"Survivor's guilt." Stefan nodded knowingly, even though he had no clue. "You won't be sad forever, Elena."
"I know."
"It gets better. Trust me.
Would it? Would it really get better than heaven?
She filled her glass again to avoid looking at anyone.
"So, what brings you back to town? Most people who leave, they stay gone."
"Well, after some legal wrangling, my uncle got custody of me, so now I live with him."
"Right."
How did one talk to an ex who was no longer an ex? She hadn't really thought about it before, because in her first life, things were happening so fast, she didn't have time to think, until Stefan died and then she didn't have to think about it anymore.
"Do I make you uncomfortable?"
The faint grin playing around the corners of Stefan's mouth made Elena wish she'd shut Bonnie up when she'd started teasing her about Elijah. Because now, Stefan was convinced he had a chance to win Elena's affections.
"I'm just tired and dealing with a lot right now."
"Right, your mom's historical project, you've got to help finish that. And whatever deal you've going on with Mikaelson."
"Among other things, but yeah."
She wished Elijah could be here without standing out. She needed him nearby, craved the strength he offered. School was one thing, since it was structured, regimented. But a party? All bets were off and the same rules didn't apply so much and she wanted to hide in the shadow of his presence, shielded from everyone.
"How do you know so much about what I'm doing?"
"People talk."
"Especially when you ask questions."
Why had she thought coming here was a good idea?
"Bonnie seems like a good friend," Stefan said.
"She's the best."
"And Matt can't take his eyes off of us."
"Matt and I dated, then I broke up with him because to me, we just didn't fit and he's not over it yet. That's all you need to know."
"What's up with that Mikaelson guy? He wormed his way into your life pretty fast."
"Elijah and I have projects we need the other to help us with." Elena sighed and turned away from him.
"Be careful with him."
"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Elena snapped, all the frustration for how she'd been treated in her previous life bubbling over. "I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions without other people walking all over them and thinking I don't know what I'm doing!"
She stomped away, furious.
"Wait. Wait." Stefan grabbed her arm.
"Let go."
"I'm sorry. He's just- I'm worried is all."
"Don't be. I'm fine." Elena jerked her arm out of his grasp and headed on down the path, searching for the man who promised to keep her safe.
Where was Elijah? He said he'd be around, but she couldn't see him anywhere.
"Looking for someone?" Matt asked as he walked up to her.
"Hey." Elena stepped back, unsure of what to say.
"When you broke up with me, you said you needed some alone time. You don't seem so alone to me. First Elijah, now Stefan."
"You don't understand. It's-"
"That's okay, Elena. You do what you have to do. I just want to let you know that I still believe in us. And I'm not giving up on that." He walked away after finishing his little speech.
"Matt." The balance of trying to get Matt to move on, while still keeping him as a friend was more tricky this time around, because she wasn't a teenage girl, at least not in her head, and she remembered having that easy friendship with him, but he didn't have those memories.
She wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her head. Her heart ached and she wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball on her bed and never leave it.
"Is she like that with all the guys?" Stefan's voice broke her out of her thoughts.
"Who?"
"Caroline." Stefan nodded towards the blonde girl.
"She'll back off eventually. Right now, you're the new guy and we don't get many of those. She's sweet, but yeah, guys she considers man candy are hard to come by in a town like this."
Jeremy stumbled passed her into the woods.
"You've got to be kidding me." She stomped away, leaving Stefan behind her, confused.
When she caught up to her brother, she grabbed his arm, spinning him to face her.
"I don't wanna hear it."
"Too bad! Going to a party is one thing, getting so drunk you can't walk straight is dangerous!"
"Stop it!" Jeremy turned away from her, only to trip over something.
"Vickie!" Jeremy screamed, holding Vickie in his arms.
"Oh, my god! Jeremy! Grab her arms, I'll get her legs. We need to get her help, now!"
From somewhere nearby, she heard the sounds of a scuffle and when she looked up, she saw Elijah standing in the shadows, pinning someone that she couldn't see to a tree. When he raised an eyebrow, she shook her head, then jerked her chin, asking him to leave.
"I need something for a compress until help arrives," she ordered, allowing her doctor's training to kick in.
"Like what?"
"A shirt, a piece of cloth, anything."
Jeremy ripped off his t-shirt and she pressed it against the wound.
"Come on! Carry her! We've got to get her closer to people just in case whatever did this to her comes back. Out here, we're not safe." Even though Elijah was around, she didn't trust Damon to not do something to escape and come back.
Jeremy scooped her up and together, they made their way to the party.
"Somebody help!" Elena screamed. "She's hurt! Bad! Call 911! Now!"
Setting Vickie onto a nearby picnic table, Elena returned her attention to stemming the blood flow from Vickie's neck.
Behind her, she heard shouting and Matt's worried voice rising above the din, but she kept her focus on the injured girl. She'd forgotten just how bad Damon had been during this time, but seeing it all over again, made her wish she could ask Elijah to compel him to behave.
A few minutes later an ambulance crew arrived and Elena surrendered Vickie to the medics. While she knew more about caring for injured people than most EMTs, she had to pretend she didn't, and seeing them take Vickie away when she could care for the girl herself, frustrated her.
"Caroline and I are going to mainline coffee to wait for news. You wanna come?" Bonnie asked.
"I've got to get Jeremy home. Let me know as soon as you hear anything."
"Will do." Bonnie hesitated, then said, "I'm not sure what's going on, or why I sometimes see things I shouldn't, but I've got this feeling."
"This is only the beginning."
"Yeah."
"Be safe."
Something was going to happen soon, but for the life of her, she couldn't quite remember what it was. She just knew it was something bad and that it'd caused a lot of tension early on. In her exhausted, tipsy state, she couldn't remember what it was, only that it was bad and if she didn't remember it to stop it, someone else was going to get hurt.
"You might wanna put that beer away before the cops see you and Jenna gets here," Elena said as she walked over to her brother.
"Or what?"
"The cops can and will make your life miserable if you don't. Now, come on. I'm tired and you're drunk." Elena grabbed Jeremy's arm and dragged him away from the aftermath of the party.
Her phone buzzed and she checked it to find a message from Elijah.
My apologies about your friend. I was focused on watching Stefan that I never considered that Damon might show up this time, knowing I was around.
It's okay. Could you compel her to forget anything supernatural when she wakes up?
Of course. Consider it done.
Elena curled up in her window seat, writing in her journal.
"It's harder this time, so much harder. Because I know what's coming and even with Elijah's help, I know I can't save everyone. Some people might still die and their blood will be on my hands, because I know what he's like. But having him compelled won't change him, not really. He'll still be the same deep down and he'll be even worse if Elijah gets daggered and he remembers being compelled. And it hurts, because I love him and I know he can be better. I just can't make him be what I know he can be. He needs to do this on his own. I can't save him. He has to want to save himself. But what if he doesn't this time, since I'm not involved with Stefan? I spend my free time with Elijah and Damon always hated him. What if he chooses a path that I can't follow him on?"
Tears filled her eyes and her heart broke all over again. Would she be forced to let him go? Would the spirits of nature require this sacrifice of her? The more she thought about it, the more she realized, it could be so.
She wasn't going to be around Stefan all the time this time around, so she would have no real contact with Damon, so Damon would only see her as having Katherine's face. He wouldn't see her as someone to try to be good for. And Elena couldn't reach out to him without endangering the lives of everyone she'd been sent back to save.
Her phone buzzed and she felt herself uncoil just a little bit when she saw a message from Elijah. At least she could count on this one to be what she remembered him being, what she knew he could be. While he committed monstrous acts himself, he never did it just because he was bored. He always had a reason, and his reason was the love of his family.
Matt and Vickie are both compelled and have no idea that it was a vampire that did it.
Thank you.
Setting her phone down, she glanced outside and saw Stefan standing beneath her window. If she shut him out, she was shutting out more than just Stefan. She was letting go of her life with Damon too. Could she do this? But if she didn't, she'd fail all over again, and this time, even more spectacularly than before.
Heart shattering and throat tightening with tears, she closed the curtain.